It's over...but we're moving on..."If the plan doesn't work, change the plan but never the goal!"

So I posted the other day of those two beautiful lines...I should have known better. :(

6 years of trying to conceive...5 IVF transfers...3.5 years of IVF/fertility treatments...2 miscarriages...and a partridge in a pear tree.

Yup. It was a chemical pregnancy. My beta was an 11. A fucking 11 on day 14dp5dt. The hpt I took that morning was almost stark white. I knew it was over. I just don't understand how it dropped so fast. :(

I can't keep doing this. I can't keep pouring money into killing my body with fertility meds that aren't doing a damn thing other than making me fat and depressed.

I have cried for the past few days and let me just say, I seriously have the most amazing group of girlfriends a girl can ask for! I never truly realized what an amazing support system of sisters that I have.

So we are moving on. I want a baby. I want a child to raise with my husband. I cannot see our lives together without raising a child.

Adoption has never truly been on the table. I don't want to say it's a "fallback" plan by any means...we knew it was always an OPTION of building our family - it just wasn't an option we ever considered talking about or looking at because - let's face it - I WANT TO BE PREGNANT.
But that will never happen.

It won't. Not when that takes an egg and a sperm that don't apparently exist.

I know that adoption is an amazing thing - but again, it's not something we ever considered...but now that we have no other options, it's the only option we have left TO consider.

I have a friend who moved right into adoption when they found out they were infertile. Theirs is not a typical adoption story because they had a LOT of legal issues from the biological father (aka the POS...) luckily, right won over wrong and my friend and her husband won the legal battle and were able to keep their precious daughter.

But anyways - I emailed her to get information on the agency they went through...and my husband actually has a contact there as his previous job used to cater there...so I went to their website, emailed them and immediately got a response the next morning!!

There is an adoption meeting on April 25th that we will be going to to learn about what options are available...this specific agency deals more with foster care - but they also have foster to adopt and adopt through foster care.

We, of course, do want an infant adoption (don't most people who adopt?)...we know this could take years and we also don't exactly have the $$ to do this, so we will be doing a gofundme as well as fundraisers and whatever else we need to do to raise the money...but when you're already $40,000 in debt from fertility treatments, it seems impossible...but I will beg, borrow and steal if I need to.

So yeah. Just a quick update.

Two years later...two little lines!!!

Hello everyone! So I haven't posted here in a very long time...but we didn't actually stop treatments...

So after the miscarriage in 2014 - which, btw, 2014 can still suck my ass! lol. Seriously the worst year ever in my entire life...not ust the mc but so many other horrible things...but that was then and I don't even want to think about 2014 anymore. Because 2016 is going to be the BEST year ever!

So after the miscarriage in April 2014, we did another fresh cycle in August and transferred in October to another BFN...we got 3 embies from that batch, put back two and we still have one. We have decided to donate that last one to science because we know it'll never become a baby.

After that failure, we decided it was time to do something else! I had done some research on donor embryos and it took a lot of convincing my husband - but he finally agreed!! So we started our donor embryo journey in early 2015.

Our clinic required everything from a psych eval and counseling to a full on adoption home study. So that's what we did last year! And...we got approved!!! :D

Our beautiful donor embies came from a batch from a couple who was also (of course) infertile...but she was 28 with no issues - and her husband had male factor...so they used donor sperm! They got 5 gorgeous embryos - put back two and got twins. They donated the other three. One other couple received one of those three and got a singleton! So we were blessed with the other two!!!

Our transfer was to take place in January of this year, but it got cancelled because my lining (as usual) sucked...so the doc cancelled and decided on a different protocol with injectable estrogen!

So we started again, the next cycle, and set transfer for March 7! Well, because my period was two days later, that was pushed to March 9. My lining was PERFECT! We transferred two incredibly gorgeous donor embryos at 11:30 a.m. on March 9, 2016.

My beta is set for Wednesday, March 23.

I'm NOT one to POAS and all my past transfers, my husband asked me not to, so I never did. But for this one, transfer #5 I told him "sorry, but I am TOTALLY peeing on every stick I can find!" haha.

So I know that testing too early isn't good...so I forced myself to wait until at LEAST 7dpt. OMG. What is that? Seriously? There's a second line?!!!!!!!

So I took another on 8dpt and 9dpt...and they are still there and getting darker!!!!!!!!!

Holy crap! I'M PREGNANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I can't even begin to tell you all how much I LOVE seeing those two little lines! I can't wait until beta on wednesday! I just have the BEST feeling and know that this IS it! I am pregnant with our child(ren)!