It seems that with our blog babies growing up into real people we are hitting snags not necessarily expected when we were pregnant or dealing with sleepless baby nights.

I’m writing to check in and see if anyone wants to chat over similar issues.

My oldest and youngest are great! Everly is 4, beautiful inside and out with the self confidence I only dream I had. “Everly you’re looking so great in your new dress” is usually met with “I know”. She is the cheerleader our family needs and is always there to lift up her siblings on their hard days. She knows what she wants and isn’t afraid to ask for it either. Emilia is 10 months old and has a heart as big as her toothy smile. The girl does not stop moving. She climbs everything, started taking steps at nine months, and regularly crouches and then literally just launches herself into the air for shits and giggles.

Then there are our middles.

Abel is a sweet boy trying his best in a world that does not make sense to him. After almost two years of trying to get answers I finally received his diagnosis last week. Generalised and social anxiety, OCD, severe sensory processing and the most pressing Tourette syndrome. His social anxiety is made worse by his OCD as his rigidity and compulsions make it very challenging for him to connect to peers. He has many many verbal and physical rituals that can exhausting for both him and us as well. His sensory challenges have been an issue for years but emerging out of that have been his motor (and verbal) tics. For so long I thought they were a reaction to sensory disturbances. For example he has a tic where he puts his shoulder to his ear and scratches it. I always thought his clothes or something itched his neck. His tics are becoming more obvious however and now he is at the age where he is starting to become aware of them himself. He has several facial grimaces and tongue thrusts and eye rolls and twitches that get in the way of conversation so that his already nervous self retreats even more from moments with peers. Luckily we have answers now, the sense of relief that came with the diagnosis was unexpected for me. The child psychiatrist who diagnosed and treats him told me that this combination can be extremely challenging for teenage boys and that she is very happy we are on a path now of getting him the tools he needs to succeed.

Indira. Indie. Pinnie. Innie. Pin pin. Our girl. She is 2 in a week. From early on Indie failed to meet milestone after milestone. I was a bit concerned but ultimately I wasn’t very stressed because she was my “easy” baby. She was so content and chubby. We thought maybe she never rolled and wasn’t crawling because she was too chubby. We thought the fact that she could sit for hours in an exersaucer or lay on the ground without moving was a sign of a happy easy going baby. At 18 months she had just started crawling a couple of months earlier, still couldn’t roll and had suddenly inexplicably lost 4lbs since 12 months. At 12 months she was 24lbs and at 18 she was 20lbs. We knew she was getting pickier and had started to chew and spit her food but we chalked it up to quirky baby and were not concerned at all when our family dr suggested a paediatrician referral. Here in Canada the system is much different and pediatricians are only with referral for issues not for typical children. We were taken aback by the concern we were met with from the ped. She ordered blood and genetic tests right away. I was at an indoor playground with the kids when she called back telling me there was an emergency and to take Indie to the ER right away. During the blood work the lab had detected an incidental extreme low blood sugar. Looking back she had a lot of low blood sugar symptoms even early on such as her 4 hour naps that she had to be woken from. We took her to the er and she was admitted to the childrens hospital for all of March. During that time she lost more weight and was down to about 18lbs. Her height was the height of a 9 month old and so her weight loss hadn’t been obvious as she was still a bit chubby. She was diagnosed with Global developmental delays, failure to thrive and hypoglycemia. She was given an ng tube and will have her surgery for a g tube in september. We have her medical low blood sugars under control for the most part and her height is slowly improving with the tube feeds. She is still the height of an 11 month old and is not on the charts whatsoever for height, not even 3rd percentile, just not even on the chart. She is almost exclusively tube fed. She chews and spits anything she eats now. We are waiting for an Autism assessment for her but the year long wait is excruciating especially as her pediatrican has said he has no doubt she is ASD. The waits in public health are brutal. She is 2 and barely walking, just started 3 weeks ago, just said mama and dada finally at 23 months, has limited understanding and extremely concerning behavioural and social issues but she has zero services right now. Shes on a waitlist for slp and ot but that won’t be until at least october even though we had her referred in May.

It’s been a crazy summer but I know some of you are going through similar things! Cade works out of town for a week at a time then home 1-3 days so it has been an adventure keeping four littles alive and happy with all of our appointments and playgroups and playdates and zoo trips ect.

Baby Amelia was born October 3rd. She was our littlest one so far! Only 6lbs 14oz. She is a gorgeous baby with the biggest, brightest blue eyes. I had my section at 8:30am and was discharged that night at 11 pm, by choice! I’m grateful to have had another easy recovery, and other than some continued post partum bleeding feel back to normal now at 4 weeks post partum. I have to frequently remind myself of this fact because I do feel so normal I have a tendency to do more than I probably should, I’m looking at you trip to an autumn adventure park that included walking for over four hours at 2.5 weeks pp. In fact the most frustrating part of recovering so fast is that I forget what a miserable pregnant person I am and so quickly feel back to normal that I’m like hey yeah I could totally do this again!

The most amazing thing about every baby you have is that your confidence in yourself and your parenting just increases. There’s no need to question every move and every decision. We know by now what works for our family, what gets us the most sleep, which moments are important to us.

Millie is formula fed and sleeps in her crib in her own room. She goes to bed at 6 like the rest of our kids and then Cade does the first feed that usually falls around 11-12. I’m the opposite of a night owl and always have been, so I go to bed around 730 or 8 which means I get a nice long stretch of sleep before my feed at around 3 ish. She wakes for the day anywhere from 6-7 and then our day starts!

The big kids are adjusting well. Everly is the most empathetic person I know and a natural born leader, the perfect first born. Abel is the most sensitive and is shockingly gentle with his two little sisters, considering how rough he and Ev play. We are currently in the process of receiving an autism diagnosis for him which has been quite an adventure. Indira is much sassier than expected and has the shrillest little voice that she has learnt is necessary to be heard, but is still our happiest child and is enamoured with her baby sister.

I’m due October 14th and really hoping everything works out 🙂

Everly-

She is almost three and is one of the best souls I know. Though she’s obviously challenging at times as a toddler she is still incredibly kind and empathetic. 

If Indie makes so much as a peep Ev will start shushing and saying it’s okay it’s okay even if she’s in the next room. She is patient with her brother and although they are far from perfect siblings and squabble often she often repeats a phrase we’ve told her in the past, Baba is just little and learning. Me teach him!

After a very unsuccessful bout with potty training around a year and a half old we majorly backed off and decided to wait until she was ready although I confess I was certain that day would never come. She just had no interest at all. Then about a month and a half ago she declared one day she was no longer a baby and would be using the potty from that day on. Since then she’s only had two accidents, one at a particularly fun birthday party where she apparently didn’t want to miss the action and the other at the library while engaged with a challenging bead maze. 

I can see the start of our homeschooling journey starting to form and it’s very exciting to me. Today while we built a large floor dinosaur puzzle she asked me what kind some of the dinosaurs were and when there were a few I didn’t know I suggested we take a look in our set of child encyclopedias. We pulled out the prehistoric animal edition and were able to match up the pictures and figure out the names of all of them. It was great to follow her natural path of curiosity. 

Her language explosion started around this summer and continues and although she is still hard to understand and I often have to translate for Cade her frustration at not being understood has decreased significantly. She now just seems to be able to make natural conversation and with that comes some tall tales and straight up lies. The other day she went on a tangent about how great her birthday would be this year. Apparently it’s going to be unicorn themed and “that guy” is baking her a unicorn cake. I asked which guy and she said, that neighbor guy who lives in the haunted house across the street. 

Her and Abel have very cute conversations now as they both understand each other. Abe will say bite toast please and she complies with a reminder to, say thank you Baba. 

Speaking of Ev is extremely polite. It’s always been important to me that she use her manners and it’s been lovely to watch her go from being prompted nearly constantly to remembering all by herself. Most nights she says YUM MYYY thank you mama for the food!!!

She is a very good eater with a wide range of favourite foods. 

My last thought on Ev is that one of the best parts of her is an unusual toddler trait. Though she is stubborn like me she almost always conceeds in a toddler spat. While I don’t want her to always give in it has been very helpful at kindergyms and playgroups. If there is a fight over a toy she almost always will say here you go and walk away to find something else to play with. Her ability to share is one more awesome part about her and has been the case even as a newly mobile baby. As Abe grows I know often see that things I thought were common are just Ev things.

Abel

Abe is a very sensitive little boy at a year and a half. He is silly and mischievous with a surprisingly caring streak but he’s also incredibly clingy which is quite challenging. 

I remember when he was young as six months old going to playgroups with ev and having the other parents comment on his clinginess and how they remembered that stage. The thing is he never seemed to grow out of it, if anything it’s become more intense and he basically has to be sitting on our laps nearly constantly. We took his soother away around 14 months and while that helped with many things it also removed a source of comfort that didn’t rely on one of us. I hesitate to express that I find this personality traits challenging for fear of it coming across that I favor Ev or something but that’s not the case at all. I find her personality easier to parent but that has no effect on the amount of love I have for either. 

Although it can be difficult to have personal space or get household tasks completed with an Abe I mostly worry about him because of things like his obsession to be near me means he rarely engaged in play while out of the house. Even at home while he plays independently fairly well the bouts of play are few and far between needing to be hugged and cuddled. He also hates the baby carrier so I can’t put him in that to get things accomplished while holding him. 

It can be amusing at times though the other day while I was cooking and not able to hold him he got increasingly annoyed until I watched him walk over to a kitchen drawer, purposely open and place his fingers on the inside then very slowly and carefully closing it on his fingers and shrieking owie!!! knowing of course I would pick him up to comfort him after such a traumatic injury. 

He is forever complaining of owies. Ev hardly ever cries if she gets hurt so when she does and seeks comfort he gets very jealous and will often recreate her injuries to ensure he too will receive said comfort. 

All of that being said he has some amazing qualities too. He is ridiculously smart. His language rivals Evs at two and a bit. He now puts together three or four word sentences and his word bank is very expansive. His fine motor skills and dexterity are also quite impressive. At only 12 or 13 months he would color and then manage to place the lids back onto the markers and click them into place something that I still can barely manage. He also does things like stringing Cheerios onto pipe cleaners very efficiently. Of course this might be due to the incentive of being able to eat the creation after as Abe is very food driven. 

His comfort items are numerous and include his muslin pillow, his dream blanket, Phil bear, and BoyBoy his gloworm. All must go everywhere with us which is as you can imagine quite convenient. He is also obsessed with Edmund, which is what Cade told them minions are called. He’s never seen the movie but goes crazy whenever he sees one. 

He loves to sing and dance. His dance is very similar to the middle school shuffle and his singing is quite monotone but he enjoys himself. He loves dogs from out the window but if any approach he cries and shrieks in terror. 

One of his most shocking qualities is his empathy for Indie. We didn’t expect much from him as he loves attention so much we thought he would be jealous but he absolutely dotes on her.

He has massive hands ears and feet. Massive. Alarmingly massive. But I literally can’t go anywhere without being told at least once or twice that he is a beautiful boy. He really is and his exaggerated features extend into his eyes and lips. 

Indira-

Indie will be four months on Christmas. Despite being in the throws of the four month sleep regression and getting over a monster flu she still remains the happiest baby ever. She’s chubby and cheerful and never forgets to smile. She can seriously be screaming and if you coo, indie roseeeee!, she smiles a megawatt smile. 

She is reaching physical milestones the slowest of the kids so far. Not yet rolling either direction, and Abe and Ev both were sitting at four months. Part of the problem is she’s an amazing sleeper and only has awake periods of about 45 minutes before sleeping 3-4 hours again so there’s not too much time to practice. 

One benefit of her being third born though is my intense anxiety over meeting milestones is all but gone. I’ve learnt time and time again that they are reach them eventually and in their own ways. 

Her newborn post partum period has been my best by far. Partially due to the fact that I didn’t nurse and partially due to an amazing birth I had not one single day of baby blues. My bonding with her is far more at this age than with the other two because I don’t resent her for being attached to my boobs all day and because formula means I’ve always switched off nights with Cade and am better rested. I didn’t realize what an affect d-mer had on my daily life until I didn’t experience it this time. My recovery from my planned section was amazing. Within a week I was out grocery shopping compared to being bed ridden for weeks after my vaginal births. 

Indie is the best and she’s a perfect fit for our family. 

Me-

I’ve found myself coming into my identity so much this past year. It’s been amazing to let go of all my expectations of myself as a mother and instead following the natural path parenting takes me on. I would never have recognized myself now when I first had Ev but the result is that I am a much happier mom and person these days. I set myself up for success, while I enjoyed nursing and cloth diapers they contributed to challenging days and am truly enjoying life more now and can honestly say I love being a mom. I make an effort to leave the house often having amassed a large group of mom friends by now. I also go out at least once a month for a few drinks and conversation outside of my life as a mom and primary caregiver. 

Baby four-

I’m still on the fence about a fourth. I know I desperately want one more but for the first time I have no one ounce of desire to go through another pregnancy. We also are desperate to move out of the baby stage of our lives. So we’ve decided to try until March. If I’m not pregnant by then we’ll move on with our lovely family of three. As it stands I’m having some messed up cycles so I’m thinking it will probably end with three. 
I hope you all are well!

Indie was born August 25 via scheduled section. She was 8lbs 7.5oz exactly the same as Abe although she was born a week earlier than he was. At first Cade told me she was bald like Ev but we quickly realized she actually had tons of hair it was just extremely blonde. I don’t know why that surprised me so much but it still feels odd having a blonde baby!

She looks very much like Ev did as a newborn and so far she’s been great. She is similar to Abe and doesn’t like to co sleep or cuddle a ton preferring to sleep in her bassinet. She’s formula fed and as a result was back to birth weight very quickly and has been packing on the pounds ever since. 

Compared to my vaginal deliveries and recoveries the section was shockingly amazing. The birth was calm and controlled exactly like I wanted. I had one diladid about two hours after surgery when the spinal wore off and after that my pain was managed with regular strength Tylenol and ibuprofen. Which I took until about five days post partum and I’ve not needed pain killers since. Getting out of bed shortly after surgery was the hardest but I did it and then it was over. I’m 11 days post partum and I feel completely back to normal which means I need to be careful not to overdo it but I experienced zero baby blues this time. I’m not sure if it’s not nursing or having the birth I wanted but this is the best place I’ve ever been in post partum. 

The big kids have been excelling in their roles as big siblings. I’m always grateful that they are adjusting well because I’ve heard horror stories from parents about big tantrums and feelings. 

…and as everyone suspected I don’t know if I’m ready to stop. 

I am exactly one month out from the scheduled section date! 

This weekend I had a surprise baby shower thrown for me which was amazing. My friends all went in on a baby brezza which I am so grateful for. Then I ended up in labor and delivery that night which was less than fun. I spent the week of July 4th in the antepartum ward for threatened preterm labor, got the steriod shots 24 hours apart, which all just generally stressed us out. Cade missed a few days of work and I was released after promising to stick to bed rest as much as possible. Obviously it wasn’t possible and even with Cade doing pretty much everything my contractions started up again and so back i headed this weekend.

I only had to spend one night there and was discharged Sunday but it’s been really challenging keeping my contractions minimal while parenting. 

Additionally due to my close monitoring with extra ultrasounds for the velamentous cord insertion they found the baby has a single loop cord around her neck currently and combined with the cord insertion I need to have weekly nsts. 

All of this is solidifying our decision to be done after this baby. This pregnancy has been rough since the beginning. We are so ready to meet baby Mila and move on to the next chapter of our lives. 

Hoping to make it to the section date. Everly is so excited. She tells everyone mila in mama uterus doctor cut cut her out near belly button. She also clarifies everytime that Abe is not the one doing the cut cut. 

Everly is chatting up a storm and keeping us on our toes. Abel is walking, dancing and really into being shirtless so he can rub his belly and nipples. 

C-section is set for August 25 at 930 which means I’m 11 weeks and 1 day away from meeting Mila. And even that seems forever away. 

This March marked three years of being pregnant in a row with only a total of 5 non pregnant months in-between. That’s 34 out of the last 39 months I’ve spent pregnant! And I am done. My body is done. I have beautiful, intelligent, and wild children who deserve more than the half mom I become during my first and third trimesters. I’m ready to leave behind the newborn insanity, the feeling of barely treading water to be firmly planted in the feeling of okay we’ve got this. We’re currently in the okay we’ve got this stage with Abe completely weaned off milk and only having his soother for bed. He’s almost a year and sleeping amazing in his bunk bed. And it’s all about to go to shit again with a newborn. 

I’m ready to reconnect with Cade and move past the stage of our lives where tag teaming nights and feeds and colic are our only option. I’m ready to pause and take moments with everly as she asks me a million questions and not get annoyed with her because all I can think about is how sore my Braxton Hicks are and how little I’ve slept recently.  

My uterus is pretty high like it was with ev but I’ve been measuring five to six weeks ahead consistently. I have an ultrasound on Friday to determine the cause of this. The most likely reason is just that my stomach muscles are shot to shit and have stretched out. The bottom of my bump sags because my uterus is too heavy for my skin and muscles to prop up. 

I’m very excited to meet our last baby even if I don’t seem to be. It’s just that this feeling of being DONE is overwhelming. Everyone always told me I’d know when our family was the right size for us and I finally understand that. I was terrified of odd numbers and middle child syndrome but I think three was meant to be. Abel will be our only boy and while sex means so little I hope it gives him a little something to set him apart and help alleviate the middle child blues. 

Three bullets about my three babies. 

Everly:

-is talking up an absolute storm. She’s not very articulate and Cade still needs help translating but her word bank explodes every day. The funniest phrases are the ones we have no clue where she got them such as heave ho when you pick her up or yoo-hoo when she climbs into her top bunk

-is empathetic and caring which is great when it comes to having a toddler. She shares ridiculously well and never engages inpower struggles with her peers which means it’s been easy for her to make friends. 

-is in that really ridiculous toddler stage of making jokes that aren’t funny at all except for the fact that she finds them hilarious. driving the other day she said to me “baba (Abe) said woof woof mama” then broke into laughter.  

Abe:

-is a very sensitive boy. He has a lot of feelings and he’s not afraid to show them. He’s a giant suck for attention and looooves to cuddle. 

-is still not walking. He’s almost a year. Sat at three months. Crawled at five. Started cruising at six. Can stand in place for literally hours but refuses to take a step. I highly doubt this is due to ability. The much more likely culprit is the fact that he loves to be babied and carried around. He doesn’t want the independence of being a walker!

-can say mama dada and baby. He also says something that sounds a lot like all done but I’m not ready to call it.

Mila:

-is super active like her sister was. I never have to worry about kick counts because she’s always moving

-is supposed to be meausuring small due to the cord issue but my fundal height is doing the opposite. 

-will be a virgo baby thank god

Last week we took a 10 hour (each way) overnight road trip to see my sister in Calgary. She was having a very serious surgery and I wanted to be there.

There has been a lot of drama. Lots of stress and blah blah blah

The outcome is that my quirky, weird and lovely 28 year old twin sister has brain cancer. 

Her word is upside down and I’m too far away to do anything meaningful. 

– Cade