Day 3 & 4- Irritation and illness

Yesterday was my day off from work. I spent most of the day feeling irritated. Everything irritated me. I didn’t eat much again. My craving for some alcohol hit me at 1.30 in the afternoon when I was driving and the sun was shining, I thought it would be nice to go and sit in the sun with a drink in my hand. My thoughts about drinking are a bit worrisome to me. Before I started this 30 days sober I really didn’t think I had a drinking problem. I don’t know if I want the alcohol because I’ve decided I can’t have it, or if it’s because I need it.

I had to book a doctors appointment because (not sure how much gruesome detail I should go into here) but I had symptoms of BV. Google it if you’re not sure. I don’t want to go into details but lets just say I’ve got an imbalance. I don’t know if it’s because of my change in drinking habits or not but the doctor said it was unlikely.

That was yesterday. Not much else to report.

Today wasn’t much different. I had diarrhea over night. It was really uncomfortable and horrible so I didn’t go into work. I spent most of the day in bed sleeping. I have felt completely washed out today and have had a horrible headache. Again I’m not sure if this is due to the change in my alcohol intake or not.

I’ve felt irritated today too. I also feel pretty low. And I feel quite sad all of the time. I do think that is due to the lack of alcohol. Or rather the lack of having a drink to look forward to in the evening. I realise that I did used to look forward to having a drink in the evening. And now that I can’t I feel quite low.

I don’t know what else to say today. I’ve tried to plan a nice day out to look forward to on Saturday.  Hopefully it can be something to look forward to and it will be a good day.

 

Day 2 – Disney and Davina

Woke up tired and drained, but no more than I usually am. Alarm went off at 7 but I snoozed until 7:40. I should have gone in the shower to wash my hair but I just couldn’t face it. When I got dressed my trousers were tight around my belly which irritated me. When I got to the kitchen I boiled the kettle but realised that there wasn’t enough milk. Soooo annoying! And it made me feel like quite a rubbish housekeeper. I wasn’t hungry at all but I forced myself. I fried an egg due to the milk and bread shortage (yes! No bread either).

So I left for work greasy haired, tired, looking flat, feeling fat and without my morning coffee. Oh and I forgot to drink the cup of Earl Grey I made. The brightness of the sun hurt my head on the drive in to work. I put on Spotify’s ‘Have a great day’ playlist, which usually picks up my mood, but it didn’t – it just felt loud and hurt my head.

The first half an hour at work was quite stressful. But the rest of the day was fine and went without a hitch. After work I popped to a convenience store to grab the basics I was missing. I felt myself being automatically dragged towards the wine area. Its something I always do. It was a weird and strange feeling that I couldn’t buy it. I wasn’t even sure that I wanted it, really weird. I got home about 5 .30 and was pretty shattered.  I prepped dinner and curled up on the sofa not feeling like doing anything but vegetating. At 7 my daughter forced me to watch Hollyoaks, and afterwards we ate dinner.

I decided I HAD to shower because my hair was beyond the point of no return. I dragged myself up to the shower and when in the bathroom tried to pick some music that might make me feel good. The only thing that was gonna cut it was my Disney soundtrack – which I’ve not heard in ages.

I felt great in the shower! So great that I suddenly felt motivated to do a workout DVD! Something that I’ve been putting off for ages… So I got dressed into my gym gear and loaded up Davina – Power of 3. It was great – a few too many lunges for my liking but I felt so much the better for having done it. I was sweating afterwards so popped back into the shower. Clearly I’d done things in slightly the wrong order this evening – ha ha!

Todays picture – clean hair but still spotty and tired

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I haven’t really missed having a drink tonight. I’ve watched some TV and written this blog but I’m quite sleepy now (it’s 1am again!) so I’m going to hit the hay.

Goodnight

Day 1 – I need to change #30dayssober

The lead up to today

Twice in the past week I have started drinking at 3 in the afternoon. I’ve tried justifying it; stress, treating myself, staying young, trying to be a party animal. But it’s not ok, ultimately there is no justification. Two short years ago I used to say that I didn’t have to drink to have a good time. I want to be able to say that again.

On Saturday my boyfriend and I went to Bournemouth. In one night I think I drank more than I ever have before, cocktails, tequila, plenty of wine over dinner, then gin and tonics until the small hours. The weekend wasn’t even that great and I didn’t have much fun and I came back in a bad mood – but with no hangover surprisingly. To deal with my bad mood on Sunday I had a 3 large glasses of cider to relax. That was last night. Something has got to give! I drink every night, between 1 and 5 drinks without fail, whatever I fancy. My boyfriend has commented on it recently and I laughed it off. But the more I think about it the more I realised that it’s every night… Every night. That’s really not good.

I woke up this morning and looked at my face, spotty and red, tired and greasy. I’m just imagining all the toxins that I can’t see! So today a new leaf. I’m going 3o days sober. Longer if I can manage it.

Day 1

I woke up tired, too tired to be bothered to go in the shower, but I forced myself because I probably stank. I was bothered enough to wash my body but it was way too much effort to wash my hair. So I went to work with greasy smelly hair and muddled through the day. I didn’t think about alcohol until I got back from work. 4pm: I didn’t crave it, but instead looked forward to it. I had a coffee instead to soothe my tired, stressed out brain.

Later at 8pm I went in the bath. I can’t tell you how much I wanted to have a glass of white wine in my hand, it was quite scary how much I wanted it. It was probably because I knew I couldn’t. Instead of the glass of wine I armed myself with a pencil and wrote this diary and thought about what I hoped to improve by doing 30 days sober. I really want my skin to look healthier. I want my memory to improve (because its really dreadful). I want to have more energy…. more get up and go in the mornings! I could also benefit from toning up a few wobbly bits around my middle – but that’s not a reason – that’s more of an additional benefit.

I’m going to include some pictures with my 30 days, and I hope to see an improvement. So here is day 1’s picture…

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9-12 The rest of the evening went by fine, doing housework and watching some TV. It was quite easy not to have a drink. But strangely I found myself not hungry. I didn’t eat dinner because I didn’t feel like it at all, which is unusual for me.

1am Another change is that I’m still awake. Its 1am and I’m awake. I’m usually asleep around 11, sometimes earlier. I hope I’m able to wake up in the morning!

I’m interested to find out what tomorrow will bring.

StressedFletcher