20150319 something has to be wrong with me This post may be all over the place. I say that because my thoughts certainly are. .. ontop of having a lot to catch up on, a lot that’s bothering me… and a whole lot of just wrong/down/steps backward going on. A friend just told me “bullet…
20141025 ups and downs…. I should write more often. I wanted to write a couple days ago. But i just couldn’t bring myself to. I was so incredibly down. I’m on public assistance. I’m ashamed of it. I hide it. I try to do as much as I can to get my life back on…
20140916 The Baby rabbits…
140724 a follow up to post 140210 I got a call from the detective Monday the 21st. They recieved the toxicology test back (re: post 140210.) It was positive for 7-aminoclonazepam… he said like Valium type stuff. I haven’t really been able to digest that. Not surprised. But is still hard to accept someone slipped…
140706 don’t tell me what I’m feeling When i tell you what I’m feeling, how i feel, what I’m having trouble with…. don’t tell me that’s not how I feel, or that’s not what I’m having trouble with, or that’s not how i am. Give me tools to change, give me tools to try to…
140423 held against my will…. I was taken… I was held. Not allowed to leave. Not allowed to talk to anyone outside the house. I was trying to learn the ropes on what set him/dbfxh off and what didn’t. All while still looking for a way too get away. I tried. And that’s when I…
My birthday was recently. It only solidified my feelings of loneliness and my feelings of isolation/the shell shock. My mom called two days early to wish a Happy Birthday. It felt like a call of civil duty. She didn’t acknowledge much of anything I’d said. If I didn’t know better I’d have thought I was…
I’ve been having a pretty terrible time lately trying to figure out social cues, clues, and all those monotonous little things that occur during social situations and engagements. Like how do you know when it’s your turn to talk when you’re in a group? And how do you not be the silent akward one? What…
Today blows large fucking chuncks of sucky suckethness. Large fucky chuncks of it.
I have soo many questions and no answers. My mind is now all over the place. I can’t really suspect new guy of alll the outlandish horrible things that have crossed by my mind… can I? He’s not a bad guy. I feel geniune love from him. Don’t I? How can i feel such love…
I had no marked emotions yesterday. It was just like any other day. My friend made me laugh. People were pleasant. I was pleasant albeit extremely tired. It was just any other day at the docs, and any other time at an office filling forms. It all hit me today. How could he have done…
“You’re right. I did get you drunk and take advantage of you. Because I knew I was going to fall in love with you” – new guy. First “date” occurred. Admitted this past saturday.
131122 negative vibes There are some things that just seem…. odd. Aside from living in a small town where drama passes the time for all the town simpletons… heck and well-to-dos alike. There are many “things” just out of place. Political affiliations connect dots here and there, as does typical fiscal leverages over others. Some…
131111 yet another oop violation Yesterday my son was signed up to volunteer/work a pancake breakfast with his cub scouts, my daughter planned to help too, and we all planned to have breakfast together before my son’s assigned shift. We got there. And guess who had decided to show up. Dbfxh more of the same. …
131108 oop Dbfxh violated the order of protection. Again. He sat at my kids school for 20 mins in the parking lot waiting for me to leave first, after I dropped them off. I finally gave up and left, phone was about to die couldn’t call anyone. When I left he pulled out behind me…
131107 what’s the point. He’s going to eventually get to me and kill me anyways. Dbfxh came to my house to drop something off on Oct 30. Despite plans already arranged for him to drop the item off at school the following day instead. I have an order of protection. I called police. Police officer…
Drama drama drama drrrramma drama drama. Then a few moments of brief silence. Calm. Serenity. I love these moments, when the storm, angst, and feverant rage of his revenge subsides if only for a few moments, and he leaves me be, alone. I embrace every flickering element of this brief time before it is reclaimed…
He sounds genuine. So why do I not believe there’s sincerityanymore in his words? Conversation Part I: https://www.tumblr.com/aboutagirlabused/65408409821/part-i-aftermath-demoralized-humiliated Conversation Part II: https://www.tumblr.com/aboutagirlabused/65408946152/part-ii For the past nearly four years, I’ve been working towards obtaining a fulltime position with the company I freelanced for. I was told when a fulltime positing opened, I’d be the one filling…
I’m pretty sure I lost a fulltime job I’ve been pursuing for nearly 4 years, that I was told I’d get when the position opened… because of what happened in what I posted on 131016 with new guy drunk at work. Last week I was informed the fulltime position I was supposed to get was…
Marriage. Be adviced side effects are possible and may include frequent or permanent severe pain and/or suffering. 0.o
____ Cops/public/people in general find out about a guy beating his wife/girlfriend. Then say, “well.. what’d she do to deserve it?” ^^— I feel I deserve it. There are points at which I can clearly see I’m not the cause, nor deserve, some of the ways I get treated. And I stand up for myself…
I find this kind of funny. .. in perhaps a very twisted kind of way. Horror flicks sell horror. Dramataized agony ridden horror that directors try to portray and both inflict upon and invoke within our emotions fear and terror…. as if we are there. part of it. Experiencing. .. as best we can (through…
I spent yesterday tryng to acquire PlanB. Wound up getting a random text from my friend, met up with her during errends and got a whole heck of a lot of her support. (Once I finally got over my humiliation, said fuck it, and told her my situation.) I only mention the awesomeness her support…
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