Afterthought

Here I am
As are you
Do you ever sit and wonder 
I know I do
On so so many things

The treatment of others
How within our faiths 
We set others apart
Instead of having them 
As equals 
Yes we are different 
In oh so many ways 
Yet those differences between us
Help us to balance one another 
No pedestals should be had 
Neither should the abhorrent behaviors
Of mistreatment, condescension and wrath
We are not US without our other
Some say our other half
Treat them as you should all
With kindness and compassion 



I am writing this with thoughts of inequality in my mind. Specifically within our religious communities. Not all but many. Our counterparts whether they be male or female need to be respected not set up high not set so far below that they feel they are less than nothing. You are not better as a whole than those in which you hold back and down. Remember that. Let it sink in. Because we are all truly nothing without the other. 

Will you
Stop and sit with me
Just for a moment
Listen to my words
Then think
Just for a moment
Reflect
On your thoughts
On your actions
Were they necessary
Or
Were you following blindly
Were you following mindlessly
Just another
Part of the herd
Open that beautiful mind
Open that uncommon heart
We are in this together
Together we thrive
Even if separated
For a time
Working in concert
Even if from a distance
This is only temporary you see
Please remember
It is times of crisis
That we learn
That everyone learns
What type of person
We truly are

While my mind is still on this I want to say to anyone and everyone- Please be there for one another. You can help others without being physically present. I have read and experienced personally the benefits of love. It has been proven that those who are in loving environments have stronger immune systems than those who are not. So, I implore each of you to give and receive love freely. It is not the cure for this but you have nothing to lose by expressing this strong emotion. To each of you who may read this I love you. We may have never met and only briefly typed to one another. I still love you and want nothing but the best for you and your family.

I stopped in at a favorite local restaurant for my usual eggs to sit enjoy and read through many posts that I have gotten so far behind on. I noticed a woman sitting alone. She looked to be waiting patiently. With a cup of coffee starting at everything and nothing simultaneously. I ordered my eggs which were delivered in moments. I smile politely to her as I pass by then sit to inhale my food as everyone says I do. Throughout my time enjoying my breakfast I observe her looking around. Patiently yet with a hint of being irritated. Then she would go back after looking around to looking at seemingly nothing once more. As I began to finish my meal and catch up on the many wonderful works of others posted here I began to wonder if this woman had been stood up. She had been there longer than I had sitting almost motionless the entire time except for when she moved her head to scan the area for the person she was supposed to meet. I began to feel bad. I have been stood up before and know how it can make one feel. Especially when you’re in a crowded environment. I waited hoping the person she was waiting for would show up. Yet, by the time I decided to get up from my seat no one had. So, as I passed her by again I asked if she is waiting on someone. With a hesitance she said yes. It seemed she were uncomfortable. It could have been at waiting so long or at a stranger inquiring after things that were none of his business. After she responded I nodded and turned away not wanting to make her more uncomfortable. But that is not what I wanted to do. I wanted to ask if I could join her until whomever she was waiting for arrived. I refrained and left thinking it for the best. Though I feel it wasn’t. I wanted to set her at ease and see her smile. I love to see people smile. I wanted to take away the discomfort one gets from being stood up. I am the person who stops and asks if you need assistance if you’re stuck on the side of the road. I am the person who tries to cheer you up when I can see you’re having a rough day. That was the part of me that kept pulling at me to fo back as I left. I sat ten more minutes outside reading more great posts on here them left. As I passed she was still there. Waiting. I received a call from a friend at that time but wish I had not taken it but instead went back in. If for nothing but to buy her breakfast and try to see if I could make a smile come to her eyes. Should I have gone back?

There are times
In all of our lives
That we encounter adversity
It will take us aback
Caught up in the momentary
Surprise the situation brings
When the shock subsides
Always Remind yourself
That you are so much more
Than that which is striving
To bring you down
And turn you from the path
You are currently on

Remember in this moment
You want to be better
For yourself and others
Remember in this moment
That love is what you give
Not the hate directed at you
Remember in this moment
To forgive them

They say fight fire with fire
I say they are wrong
I know it’s hard
It was for me
Because who I was at one time
I never strove for hate
But was always quick with the tongue
When silence was the answer
To turn away from the strife
While coming back with love
Those who come at us with enmity
Are those that need love most of all

I was wrong
For so long
I can admit that freely
Realizations help one to see
How they can change
To grow
To be as the flowers
And flourish
Becoming something beautiful

After those months away
I come back with a desire
To express, to share
To remind all I can
What we are missing

To love

Love is essential
The thought persists
Always in my mind
I feel guided to tell
Others how life can be different
Be so much better
If we incorporate it
Into All that we are
Giving and receiving
To all we come across
Whether it be plant or animal
Remembering those of our own species
Who need to know the most

In this I hold back
Just learning how to myself
Love has been hard for me
All my life
For years I feared it
Truly
I ran from its very presence
Yet it always found me
In one form or another
Trying to coax me
Back onto the path
I feel it leads me to now
I know not how
Or where to start
All I know
Is I feel I must share
Help to give
As has been given to me
Teach and learn
Learn and teach
Becoming one with
This strongest of emotions

Sometimes in life
We have to
Think things differently
To see things differently
To do things differently
To adapt to the world around us

To become more
Than what we are now
To have things
The way we think they should be
To have outcomes
More favorable to us

That one thing is change

It’s not such a bad word
Yet to many
It’s more vulgar
Than anything
You could ever say
Or do to them

The world does it
We name them seasons
And we call it beautiful

Think about that
For a moment
If we were to let ourselves change
Couldn’t we in essence
Become like the seasons
Beautiful inside and out

If only we would
Open ourselves
To seeing
That change
Is not as bad as it seems
Hard yes
But we can become
So much more
If we are willing
To take the step
Believe we can
And go forward
Instead of
Eternally chasing our tails

Do not fear the change
Embrace it
Make it a part
Of who you are
And choose to be

I will carry you with me
Wherever I may go
Whether or not you are physically here
You will be here
Within my heart
Within my mind
The lessons you taught
Will be ever present
Branded onto my soul
Helping me
Guiding me
To be the better person
I continue to strive to be

Throughout my life
I have felt
That I am an ever spinning compass
I’ve known people
Who have a direction
In which they want to travel
Somewhere they desire to be
An ever present goal
That is once attained
There is another to replace it
My life has been different
I feel it
Deep within my bones
That I have a purpose
What it is though
I am so unsure
My desire is to help
Almost like an insatiable craving
I feel it
Always there
Waiting
To be able to give assistance
Wherever I can
But it comes with a contradiction
I am overwhelmed
By those I want most to help
So often I refrain
Due to
That which builds up
Inside me
As time progresses
And the more I learn
It gets easier
But the feeling remains
I have to push it away
So as not to become one
And crawl away
To hide within the confines
Of this seemingly inescapable prison
That resides within me

All lives matter
This world is not
Comprised of
Just one race
Not just one ethnicity
We can’t continue
To look at our world
In Black and White
If we are wanting
To find a way
To make a better life
For All
We need to see
Need to show
One another
That the color
Of our skin
Is just that – color
Color of skin
Should matter little
We are all – beautiful
Search for
What is within
We all have hearts
We all have minds
We all bleed

We are all human
Accept it
Appreciate it
Embrace it
And Move Forward

Hopefully hand in hand

I know that if we All were able to work together as humanity instead of focusing on our differences, whatever they may be, we could and would solve so so many of our worlds problems. If we come together as one people, letting go of the pride that holds onto the prejudices, we as a people could do so much more for the betterment of the world in which we live. And whether you believe in religions or science you acknowledge that we all have the same origin. Descendants of one people. How and why have we become so divided.

We both know
I cannot go back again
Where once I thought
We had a bridge
Constructed of diamond
Now I see it to be
Fashioned of
Rotting wood
And frayed ropes
Were I to turn back
I may get lost in the crossing
The love for you
That is within me
Shall remain
But it will never grow
And flourish
Like I once had hoped
But know
That what is within me
Shall never die either

 

I feel it
Deep within
My being

I’ve been through this before
The long silences Between
Sporadic responses

Though I am
The one at fault

What was said hurt
For it was I you turned to
Now again
You have turned within
To open another part of you
That has never been seen

You have got this
You are beginning to see
Yet i see
It is without me

You have pulled further
Yes I see
I should have been there
But do overs
Are not what I get

So accept this I will
Whichever way it goes
I could be wrong
Yet
I’ve been through this before

No matter how far you go
Even though
I feel I lost
Before I truly gained
I still love you
And please know that
I always will

I see you stumble
But catch yourself
I hear the anguish
In your voice
Making you tremble
At the very thought of
Taking the next step

So, Hold onto me
I'm here to help you up
So, Hold onto me
I'm here to keep you
From falling back down again

I see you hesitate
Making the next move 
Can seem like
Scaling the steepest mountain
Tightrope walking the deepest chasm
Navigating a vast desert on foot

So, Hold onto me
I'm here to help you up
So, Hold onto me
I'm here to keep you
From falling back down again

Take that first step
It may be the hardest
But keep moving forward
And use the momentum gained
To keep those that may push you down
Off balance and in disarray

And whenever you need
Always remember to

Hold onto me
I'm here to keep you up
Hold onto me
I'm here to make sure
you never fall down again

Why is it this way
non communicative
when I see something there
All you do is deny
Why are you this way
Is this why 
I am the way I am
why do you hide
Keep it all inside
I want not
to be this way
to end up like you
tormented from the inside (too late)
try to let it all go
and one day you may see
things are not as bad as they seem

Why can I not
Stop thinking of you
You are like a poison
In my head
That I love to hate
Or hate to love
Which one 
as of yet 
I am not so sure
Why I can’t stop
Is something I can not answer
Understand myself
Seems that I never will
Lost within the reason
of all that is unreasonable

Be thankful
For what you’ve got
Instead of worrying
About what you’ve not
There is so much more
We need to be thankful for
Opening up the front door
It’s all there for you to see
Take a look inside
Remember what you have
You have your friends
Your family
Your health
Your life
The ability to enjoy all that there is
Around you
It’s not worth wasting
Feeling sorry for yourself
For no reason at all
So let go
Let go of all these feelings
Your life is your own
It can only be what you make of it
Nothing more
Nothing less
It’s all inside you
Perhaps buried deep
Or just under the surface
Make the effort
To make the improvement
No one will do it for you

You help me
You heal me
You tear me apart
With every ounce I’ve ever given
Is it gone
If not 
Where shall it be found
I’m lost 
I need you
clutching me 
within you
Deep burning passionate moments
Lost without
but am I lost within
forever moments
but briefly within seconds
everything is gone

Feelings of you
Memories fading
Looking deep
Within myself
To find
A hidden affection
Crying aloud
Wondering when
You’ll come back again
Searching for the answer
Choking on the sadness
Of memories past
And feelings lost

My heart and my mind 
Are in utter chaos 
My mind going one direction 
While my heart goes the other 
I know not which to choose 
I choose one I lose the other 
If I wait I lose it all 
I want not to make the wrong decision 
One way could prove disastrous 
But then again 
So could the other 
I know not which way to turn 
And I am running out of places to run 
I must face it before it's to late

Time has come 
To claim what's due 
You think you owe me not 
You are wrong 
You owe me more 
Than I have ever owed you 
You will one day understand 
And see things all to clear 
But by then 
Things will be long forgotten 
So far back 
That not even you 
May dig through the sands of time 
To find the path 
In which you lost your way 

After claiming what's due 
I will no longer remember you 
as friend or foe 
I'll no longer know 
Who you are 
Or ever were 
As if you never existed 
for a long time this is what I resisted 
But now I face the truth 
Which no longer seems uncouth 
This may befall a tragedy for one 
This holds no scars for me 
By then I'll be long gone

To me you lie 
Yet you deny 
To her you lie 
You still deny 
It will not be us 
Who you hurt 
It will be you 
Realize it now 
You don't 
And probably won't 
To blind to see 
One day you will 
And regret everything once done 
But it will be to late 
To rewrite 
What has been written 
As your fate

I am someone everyone has seen 
But no one knows 
I am everywhere you are 
When you turn around 
I am nowhere to be seen 
Disappearing into the shadows 
Like a ghost in the night 
Stalking with a purpose 
Alluding all eyes 
Even my own 
Waiting for the perfect time 
To strike 
The unwilling and unsuspecting victim

Something is wrong
I can feel it
Deep down inside
No one else notices
The danger at hand
Not even you
Can see what tragedies may befall
If this presence goes unchecked
It can tear us apart
If time follows
Its present course
It may get the chance to strike
And tear everything you and I know
To pieces
This is what I see for our future
This entity can come between you and I
And the world you and I know
Will be shattered within its grasp

I close my eyes and think 
Think of you 
I see what I want 
I see what you want 
I'll give it all to you 
Fulfill your fantasies 
I'll make dreams a reality 
Quench the thirst of desire 
Anything you require 
All I want is to feel again

Open your eyes 
Will you see me 
Please don't try to hide 
All your feelings held inside 
                             
I know you're here 
I sense you 
I know you're here 
I hear you 
I know you're here 
Now show me 

You slowly back away 
I cannot persuade you to stay 
Now you're gone and I'm left alone 
What can I say other than I should have known 

I know you're here 
I smell you 
I know you're here 
I taste you 
I know you're here 
Now hold me 

My feelings for you will forever last 
But it feels as though you're fading fast 
So please stay 
Never fade away 
For you I'll always be near 
Now relax and let me ease your fear 
  
I know you're here 
Never go away 
I know you're here 
Baby please stay

Walking down a path of Darkness 
All you see is Darkness 
You escape into the pleasures of Darkness 
You only want to be there 
You cannot see the Light 
You slip further and further into it 
Knowing you may never escape 
Trust me - I have been there before 
Look into my eyes 
Within them is a deeper Dark 
That I hope you never find

I try to be 
What you want me to be 
I try to see 
What you want me to see 
I try to do 
What you want me to do 
I go through 
All the hell you constantly put me through 

I slowly resist 
Everything you would have me do - I desist 
I have taken a new role 
No longer a part of your whole 
You should have known 
It would not last 
All fond feelings for you 
Are fading fast 

You still don't see 
You'll never get 
What you want from me 
I'll never be 
What you want to make of me 
I am not yours 
You see 
And I never will be 

You have made nothing of me 
Nothing but 
An enemy 
Try to force me 
And you will see 
How I truly feel about thee

Where were you 
When I was down 
Where were you 
When no one else was around 
Where were you when it was me against the world 
Where were you 
When I cried 
Where were you 
When they died 
Where were you 
When the world turned upside down 

Did you ever see 
Did you ever think to care

Draw from within 
Everything once known
And everything unknown 
Feel the power course 
And flow like wildfire 

Now unleash it with a fury 
Upon those who seek to destroy 
Everything you once lived for 

Your power desecrates with overwhelming force  
Eliminating everything in its path 
To eradicate the vile monstrosities 
That have left you with nothing 

Now return to peace 
Vengeance has been bestowed 

As now your land lays in ruin 
And your body obliterated 

They await you now 
In a land beyond your dreams

From all that you've told me 
You are in a very precarious place right now 
Doing your best 
to balance 
along a long and winding path 
barely the width of your feet 
Being buffeted on all sides 
By strong winds 
Though not blowing at the same time 
Which could help you maintain your balance 
But instead consecutively 
One right after another 
From alternating directions 
So you're unable to prepare 
And are often caught off guard 
So Close to falling 
Yet you hang on 
It's hard to remind yourself 
That you've got this 
And it gets harder with every step 
Every gust seems stronger than the last 
But you still maintain your footing 
Somehow 
You even wonder 
How you are able to at times 
Finding that strength inside of you 
Isn't easy 
But you manage to hold on 
For another step 
You're so close to the edge 
but you're also close to safety 
One more step...........

In the moment I wake 
I want you 
To be holding you 
To hear your breathing 
As you sleep 
To feel your breath on my skin 
As I wait 
Wait to see those beautiful eyes 
Eyes that can say so much 
With only a glance 

With each passing moment 
Every second that ticks by 
Every breath that I breathe 
Every beat of my heart 

I am wanting more of you 
Than I did just moments before 

I don't ask why 
Or even where 
All this I feel came from 
I accept it for what it is 
And I know this to be true

 

I was once told
That we are all
Made of stars

If this is true
We all live on
Long after
The light in our eyes
Has faded
A part of the world
That surrounds you
You will become
Forever living on
In the memory
Of this universe
That is ours

—
If I were able
I would have traded
My life for yours

You often say
How grateful you are
About how I help you
Just being there
Reading all your words
Hearing you out
And giving responses

I want you to know
I am grateful too

You help me too
In ways one day
I hope to express
These words
Written herein
Are proof
What I say is true

I want you to know
I am grateful too

I had this spark
Somewhere deep within
Hidden? Lost?
I could feel it
Know it’s there
Just out of reach
Or so I thought

I want you to know
I am grateful too

Hear these words
With each passing day
I grow more fond
Through all I read
And all I learn
I want more of you
To know who you are

I want you to know
Through words you’ve done so much