Museum dan Galeri, 2025

Nyaris genap 2 tahun saya tidak keluar kota sejak nyokap ketahuan kanker. Kombinasi dari menjaga nyokap sakit, berduka karena nyokap tiada + jagain bokap, menjaga rumah karena bokap lama pergi healing, dan menghemat biaya. Tapi sebuah undangan dari Jakarta di awal Oktober memicu pacar untuk mengajak saya ngetrip lagi. Meskipun dihantui sejumlah kekuatiran, rencana segera disusun dan akhirnya membuahkan perjalanan menyinggahi 8 kota di 5 provinsi dalam 16 hari, menambah panjang daftar museum yang dikunjungi.

Di Galeri Nasional bersama sang mahakarya

15. Museum Loka Budaya Uncen, Jayapura
Kembali ke museum antropologi ini setelah 10 tahun ketika pacar main ke Jayapura di Agustus. Sedikit berbincang dengan staff museum membahas koleksi Papua yang ada di museum-museum Belanda. Sepertinya ada yang berubah (atau berkurang), tapi staff museum meyakinkan saya kalo semua patung berhala masih ada. Ingatan 10 tahun memang kabur.

35. Museum Seni Rupa dan Keramik, Jakarta
Akhirnya kesampaian kembali ke sini membawa pacar setelah gagal karena renovasi 2023 silam. Hasil renovasi terlihat jelas pada bagian lukisan yang lebih rapi meski galerinya sempit. kali ini sukses membaca setiap penjelasan dan tidak sekedar lewat termasuk di bagian keramik dan kapal karam yang jadi kebanting sejak pernah mengunjungi pameran serupa di ACM Singapura. Museum pertama dalam melanjutkan misi Mencari Raden Saleh. Paham bahwa Raden Saleh adalah pelukis kebanggaan Indonesia dan memiliki karya beliau adalah kebanggaan setiap museum, tapi memajang dua lukisan repro berkualitas rendah di dalam galeri utama bukanlah ide bagus, sementara lukisan asli beliau malah dipajang tanpa lampu sorot.

49. Museum Hakka Indonesia, Jakarta
Kembali lagi ke sini karena pacar pengen lihat. Kali ini sudah buka secara reguler sehingga kami dapat booklet museum. Pagoda besar di Taman Budaya Tionghoa tepat di depan museum juga sudah selesai dibangun dan menjadi obyek foto keren. Meskipun ada penjelasan yang bisa diakses lewat QR Code, banyak penjelasan dalam bahasa Mandarin yang tidak diterjemahkan, padahal kami yang pribumi ini juga tertarik sejarah Hakka.

50. Museum Prangko Indonesia, Jakarta
Kembali ke sini karena pacar pengen lihat. Senang dapat prangko sebagai tiket masuk. Kali ini papan nama museum sudah disandarkan kembali di gerbang. Sama-sama pengoleksi prangko, saya dan pacar jadi membahas prangko apa yang familiar bagi kami di jaman dahulu. Masih bingung kenapa display prangko diberi pagar pembatas padahal ada di dalam etalase kaca. Sudah kecil, remang, jauh pula lihatnya.

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Empat Puluh Lima

Thank you for making it until 2025, Mom. See you in Heaven.

This year marks my first birthday without Mom. On January 11th, God called her back home—to the eternal home she had longed for. Mom had prepared everything for her departure, even instructing us that her funeral should be as simple as possible. Heaven reclaimed her spirit on a Saturday, and the earth reclaimed her body on Sunday. It was raining lightly that day. Friends from all stages of my life came. Messages poured in. She missed the funeral, but my girlfriend arrived and stayed to console me for a week. She was the only person I cried to during this loss.

I’m not sad that Mom has passed away. I know that someday I will be reunited with her in Heaven. The only time I did cry wasn’t because she was gone, but because I remembered during my journaling process how much painful suffering Mom endured during her last days. I don’t know. Perhaps I still haven’t figured out how to grieve properly, or maybe circumstances and people simply didn’t give me a chance to cry over her.

But I am sad that it took the end of her life for Mom to understand that she made errors and misjudgments that cost me my life, and that there was no time (nor resource) left for us to fix it. It was heartbreaking for me when Mom apologized that she failed me, not being able to stay until I married, among other issues. Only God knows if that day will arrive. But for sure, it will sadly be without Mom.

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Empat Puluh Empat

Thank you for make it until October, mom. Stay longer.

How was your day? Happy gak?

I don’t think I have a happy day recently. You know I’m a ‘wounded’ person right now, trying to heal. Dealing with a sick mom, who can’t heal. So I consider my day with just “normal”. “Happy” is too high bar.

That was a conversation with bestie 2 weeks ago, which I feel sum up my whole experience for the last 365 days.

I celebrate my previous birthday a week after Hamas’ 7 October invasion to Israel. Today I celebrate my birthday with Israel still waging expanding war and more than hundred hostages dead or alive still suffer in Gaza. That war cost me many old friends. Some unfollowed me on social media; Some stopped or minimized interaction; and I got snubbed when talking about Israel on the community I felt home before. I’ve been at odds with friends during previous geopolitical issues (or presidential election) but this is worse. I don’t regret it, because there’s no price you can put on your own integrity, but it sad. I meet new people on the same side and joins new group but it’s just different. You cannot replace friends.

Mom was already very sick when I enter my 44, but because my plan and preparation was underway, I still went on trip to Chiang Mai and Bangkok last November. New places, new experience for a shorter trip (compare to my usual stay in Java), and I’m really grateful for that. I rush to hospital as soon as I landed back to my hometown on 1 December to find out that alongside nerve illnes (including trigeminal neuralgia) that torturing my mom since 2022, turns out she also got oral cancer. That’s why her tongue is stiff and broken. That news from the doctor is my mom’s death sentence, and she refused any medical treatment ever since, just waiting for God to take her away at home. Mom is still alive now, skin and bones, spitting blood every minutes, but living with severe pain (from two illnesses) and limitation (Mom cannot talk nor eat. She drink her food) is really hard for her, dad, and me. All I can give to mom everyday this past 9 months is just medium painkiller because I don’t have access and resources to morphine or other narcotic level drug to ease her pain. I pray for miracle, but very anxious for losing her anytime. Basically I stay at home everyday now for mom.

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