Alextommo’s Weblog

A small list of stupid comments and phrases people make. (Updated- 3 more)

I’m not the kind of person to talk about what’s happening in the World recently. Basically, only stuff that revolves around me. So if you don’t give a shit about me or my life. Do yourself a favour and don’t read this. Thanks

Quite often people I meet or people I already know come out with some stupid crap…

1. “I’m probably the most random person you’ll ever meet!”

No you’re not, why is it that the majority of people I meet claim to be the most random person I will ever meet? You’re not random, just idiotic.

2. “(Name) luvz (Name) 4eva & eva”

No you won’t, I bet you’ll break up by the end of the month.

3. “ello” – “Hi…” – “how r u” – “I’m okay.” – “gdgd wubu2” …

Small talk = Bullshit.

4. “im pissed lol!!!”

I don’t care, what do you expect me to say? “Oh wow cool, having fun lol? I wish I was drunk can I come? Being drunk is so cool and hardcore, cor I wish I was drunk, you’re cool”

5. I walk up to some people I know who are already conversing.

“What about you?” What about me? Why involve me in a conversation where I have no clue as to what the subject is?

6. “hey do u no ne girls who got a cam?”

Are you serious? Go shove your hand in a blender.

7. “this pic is ugly, i hate it”

Why the hell would you display it. You’re obviously seeking sympathy. Either that or you just have no common sense.

8. “Why did you just do that?” – “cuz i was bored”

If you’re that bored, get up, go out. Find something else to do.

9. “You heard.”

Why the hell would I ask you to repeat yourself if I heard you?

10. “What are you looking at?”

Probably the most unobservant moron ever.

11. “Rough night last night?”

Ok, I mostly get that at work in the morning, let’s face it. I’m not a morning owl, I’m drowsy most of the time. I get several elderly people who assume I was out drinking and getting pissed. Why do they think that? Is it because I’m a teenager? That’s stereotyping, right there.

Ok, let me explain this.

Well, a short while ago a recieved a comment on my previous post which is not there anymore as I felt it was inappropriate. Points were made but not in the right way. Apparently my dollops of shit that I write off as blog posts basically show that I can’t do my job properly to put that simply.I’m writing this now to explain that I am perfectly capable of doing my job.

The frustration I vent out on here is not how I react in my work place. Not even close.

So… Here is a few examples of what pisses me off, what goes through my mind at the time and how I deal with it.

1.

What happened: I’m about to take my break. I put a “Closed” sign up, a customer approaches and says “Are you closing?””

What I think at the time: Why else would there be a sign that says ”Closed” at the end of the till, you flipping idiot?

How I deal with it: I deal with this in one of two ways. If the customer has a small amount of items, I tell them it’s okay and serve them. Or if they have quite a lot I simply tell them “Yeah, sorry.”

2.

What happened: A customer places just one item on the till. I’d imagine that they already know how much the item costs. Heck, sometimes it even says so on the actual product. Either way I still tell them their sub total… And if they reply with ”How much, sorry?”

What I think at the time: “However much it said on the fucking ticket!” Or: “It says on the fucking product!”

How I deal with it: I simply repeat myself but this time I tell them again louder and clearer.

3.

What happened: I’m sitting back, relaxing as I have no customers, a customer approaches and says ”I’ll give you something to do.”

What I think at the time: Oh for fuck’s sake! I don’t want to serve you. Go to the kind lady in front of me who smiles at everyone.

How I deal with it: ”That’s very kind of you.” (Sarcastically) I most certainly get a positive response from the customer. The people who wouldn’t react positively to that wouldn’t have said it in the first place.

4.

I’m sitting at my till, relaxing again because of the lack of customers. One comes over to my till and askes ”Are you serving?”

What I think at the time: “No shit. Why else would I be sitting here, idiot?”

How I deal with it: ”Yeah.”

Most of the time if a customer makes a stupid little joke and starts laughing I just tend to smile to make them feel better. So don’t start saying I can’t do my job properly. I might be acting like an arsehole but I haven’t named anybody. It’s all harmless and the people who I am talking about… Well I highly doubt they’re going to read this.

Fuck you! Fuck you, I say!

Who would have thought. Those Old Age Pig Fornicaters found more ways to piss me off. Close to the limit where I hit them round what’s left of their face with a bowling ball.

1. Them: (Hands over one item) … How much, darling?

Me: However much it said on the bleeding ticket, you dolt.

Have they seriously just forgotten how much the item they picked up 20 seconds ago costs?

2. Them: (Failing to open a plastic bag) Oh these bloody bags! *Makes some remark about the plastic bags* … *Starts laughing*

Me: …

Them: Oh cheer up, love.

Me: What makes you think I’m upset? The fact that I didn’t laugh at your pathetic joke that I’ve heard before several thousand times?… Seriously.

3. Me: That’s £4.50 then.

Them: …

Me: …

Them: …?

For fuck’s sake! If you didn’t hear me don’t look at me like I’ve just given birth to a Turtle, say “pardon?” or something.

4. An old man who is barely struggling to walk and is having a hard time looking up at me… Yes, up! He is standing up, I am sitting down. He is that hunched he actually needs to look up at me. My height has nothing to do with it either. Seems really tired and out of breath as well.

Me: Okay… Put your tongue away please… You don’t need to do that.

5. As I’m about to take my break. I put a “Closed.” sign up… Otherwise I’d never get off. Some lady comes up and says “Are you closing?”

No-fucking-shit! Of course I’m closing… See the big sign that says “Closed”? See me standing up, walking away whilst giving you the finger?

Some people fail to acknowledge the sign even more by putting their stuff on the til.

So I get up, ignoring what they’ve done and go away.

Them: Where are you going?

Me: Sdfu and read the sign.

6. Me: 66!

Them: Only just. *Laughs*

Me: … ¦: |

(If you don’t know what 66 is scroll down “I hate old people!”)

More things I hate…

I’ll keep this one short.

People who smoke…

It angers me that my colleagues get to take frequent breaks from work to feed their pathetic little addiction. “Can I pop outside for a quick fag?” Grrr, no! Why didn’t you go during your sodding break?

Speaking of  cigarettes, why are there so many fucking brands? B&H, Lambert & Butler, Mayfair…

Here’s an idea: Cigarettes. How about that? Screw all these other brands lets just have “Cigarettes” What’s the difference? On one of my first days:

“20 Lambert and Butler please.” – “Lamb butt and what?” 😡

Another thing, if a customer breaks something, they have to pay for it. I’m serious, they put a jar of mayonnaise on the till which has way too much stuff on it and it falls off. “Woops! Shall I quickly go get another one?”

Yes, if you want to pay for that too. You just damaged some of our property. I’ll be happy to pay for an £11.99 bottle of Archers Schnapps if I break it.

I’m done for now.

I hate old people.

So I’m at work… Again. Sitting at my till and an old couple come over and I scan their shit and end up having to hide my anger and give them a fake smile and goodbye. These people are infuriating and these are the reasons why.

Because of the fact that I am not 18 yet, I have to call a certain number and get a colleague who is over 18 to authorize it. The number is 66.

1. An old couple put some whiskey on the till and I shout 66. The old woman says “No, I’m 58” and then she starts laughing at her joke. Okay, it was amusing the first time someone said it. Now it just pisses me off.

2. Same scenario, but this time it’s an old man and he shouts “Bingo!” … Seriously, go bash yourself over the head with a piece of heavy mining equipment, you tool. I hope you choke to death on your own saliva.

3. I have no customers at the moment, an old woman turns up and says “You look bored, I’ll give you something to do.” Are you serious? I don’t want something to do. Believe it or not, I prefer to sit and do fuck all.

4. I’m not a fucking mind reader, if you want me to pack your shopping, ask me.

5. “Excuse me, dear. Could you help me get something off the shelf?” No. Notice my earphones are in, the sound of music coming out of them, my wallet in my hand and some food on the till. I’m on my break, leave me the fuck alone.

6. “Smile.” No. Just no. I have nothing to smile about, I have to sit here for 7 and a half hours and put up with your crap.

7. “Are you open?” No. I just like to spend my hour lunch sitting on my till giving you false hopes. Of course I’m open, you bleeding imbecile
.

8. “That’s £5.53 please.” – “£5 what sorry?” – “£5.53.” – She gives me a £20 note. *Strangles*

9. Don’t ask me to pack your shopping if you’re going to tell me how to do it. If you don’t like the way I do it. Do it yourself.

10. They are slow. HURRY THE FUCK UP! The other customers are giving me a dirty look and huffing, like it’s my fault. What, the hell?

11. “Cheer up, might never happen.” First of all, you don’t even know what might never happen and second of all… what if I want it to happen. You piece of shit! Hurry up and die.

I feel better now.

Nice guys finish last.

I cannot understand why that everytime I see an attractive girl whilst I’m sitting at my checkout like a freaking battery hen, they all seem to be taken… taken by some bloody chav that is probably at least 3-4 years older than she is. What interest’s these young women into such a person, I’m not even sure I’d class them as that. I think I speak for many when I say that these people must have the worst dress sense I have possibly seen in my entire life, so bad that I won’t be suprised if the children go trick-or-treating dressed as a chav.

Brightly coloured hoodies with matching jogging bottoms. Fake gold chains and other jewellery, some of these ’rudebois’ as they would call themselves even walk around in public places with their hands down their trousers. No simpler way to put this than “What the fuck are you doing? Pervert!”

The constant need to shout and swear instead of talking like any normal
human being. Although some of these kinds of people are tolerable, others are a nightmare.

Why would you date these guys? Get yourself pregnant at such a low age and ruin a decent future?

In other news…

_____

On Saturday, work was dull as usual until 16:45 when an un-named female collapsed, paramedics were notified and arrived in a short while. The woman,
who most likely smacked her head on the old marble surface (I couldn’t see very well, I was two tills back) was covered in blood, some people carried on shopping, other’s stood there in shock. As for me, I just wanted to see all the blood on the floor (cheap thrill, I know) but I had to carry on serving customers.

She was shortly taken to hospital and I went home an hour later.

_____

Saturday evening, with my parents out of town for the weekend. I was feeling peckish so I got out some chips and shoved them in the oven. Not realising an old tray was still in there right at the top with some grease and alluminium foil on it, I turned the oven on and left it for a moment. I returned to the kitchen and opened the oven to check on my supper horrified to see smoke come out and noticing the old tray at the top was on fire. I had to think quick, I put on an oven glove, soaked a tea-towel in cold water and put the burning tray on the sink and covered the tea-towel over it. Shortly afterwards I started feasting on a microwavable burger. 🙂