Two people I am hesitant to talk to – my boss and my maid. But, mostly my maid. Also, I have to admit that it is more of a fear than hesitation. I mumble words when I talk to her. I cannot afford her absence the next day. And, my husband cannot afford to lose his peace listening to my rants, grumbles and curses. The feeling, I tell you, is worse than PMS. Again, my husband doesn’t believe in PMS and thinks that it is a jargon I made up to throw tantrums. Anyway, that’s a story for another day.
My cook is a very talkative lady and a gossip monger. I lose my patience when she whispers about how the ‘madam´ in the neighboring flat leaves the curry leaves on her plate and dumps it in the sink. Mostly, I try to escape from her clutches, afraid of what I might have to listen to! But, my mother, who has come to take care of my baby for a couple of months, is an expert in ‘hmmm’ ing without letting the evil sound waves anywhere near her. Although, she is an ENT surgeon by profession, my mother doesn’t let out the fact that she is a doctor unless it is entirely necessary. I prefer it that way too. Otherwise, there is always a patient who pops out of nowhere complaining ‘Kaadhu vali…mooku vali’ totally unaffected by the fact that they are in a wedding or a funeral! No sense of proportion!
Some days back, my cook Sushila asked my mom who was poorly groomed because of my mischievous son, “Ungalukku veedu illaya?” (“Don’t you have a house?”) which was apparently a euphemism for “Are you a widow?”. Before it struck my mom, she had replied “Yes” absentmindedly! She shot her next question while my mom was wondering, “What the hell did she just ask!!?”
“Ungalukku vera kozhandainga illaya?” (“Don’t you have any other children?”) which was again a euphemism for “Don’t you have a son?”. This time my mother replied cautiously that she has a younger daughter who works in the same city.
Sushila’s expression changed completely and she looked at my mom with utmost pity. After this conversation, whenever I made a simple statement (I don’t question my cook! She gets real offended and starts arguing which has once led me to a throbbing head ache followed by two paracetamol tablets ), she started putting the blame on my mother.
For instance, “Sugar is little more today” for which she would say “Amma only asked to put one full spoon.” ; “Sauté the onions well.” for which she would reply, “Amma only asked to put them without sautéing.”
“There is no electricity since morning” – “Amma only……..”. Poker face!
She had made it her template. She started passing the blame on my mom very casually and easily as she assumed that my mom is dependent on her daughter and son-in-law for living. We didn’t take it to our heart and laughed it off over a cup of tea. My dad is as fit as a fiddle and he would laugh harder hearing this incident. But it hurt me deep inside when I was brooding over it. Is this how we made our society? What a bad job have we done?
A maid can misuse the vulnerability of a person if she is a widow. I did not get angry on Sushila for her attitude. She was taking my mom for granted. It is a collective attitude of the people in our society, especially women, towards the widows. I cringed at the mere thought. I have come across several cases where widows are ill-treated, judged, misused and humiliated. If they wear bright colours, they are looked at with disgust and loathed at. Why? Because we cannot digest the fact that a widow has overcome the grief and living her life happily again. We want her to suffer and we want to pour our sympathy and pity on her. But, whoa, let us not wish her to be happy again as before. What kind of cruel mentality have we developed? It is ingrained.
Recently, Sushila gaped when she saw my dad leisurely sitting on the sofa with a newspaper in his hands. He had come for the weekend. I relished her expression.
I am still waiting for the day that I will tell her proudly that my mother is a surgeon and that I am actually dependent on her for my son, while I go to office and how grateful I am to have her pause her passionate profession just for the sake of her grandson. Or I may not tell her. That’s not the whole point of this post.
The point is, let’s work towards the Larger Good instead!
Reveries of a Soliloquist 