Learning Fun

I’ve a confession to make. I think I might have turned into a crap teacher. There’s every chance I have. Unless you play the piano every day, or speak a foreign language, you lose the fluency. And that’s where I am. I last worked the second week in January. In my defence, I’ve been busy. First shingles, then a stomach infection, then pneumonia. Just as I was about to go back, I had a grand finale – slipping on the ice and shattering my humerus.

I’m a lucky girl. Work were endlessly sympathetic. They don’t even want me to go back full-time when I eventually get there. They’ve offered me a phased re-entry –  5 x 2 day weeks or whatever suits me best. Like I said, very very lucky.

I called in to see them last week and I had stage fright. It’s ridiculous. They’ve had 12 years of my life up to now. Some of my class were a bit shy with me. Schoolgirl error – should have taken Haribo.

The irony is, I’ve offered to go in and help interview for a post so I’m not the one who should have the nerves – but I do. What if I’ve forgotten what to do? What if my class liked their supply teacher better? What if the parents preferred her too?

When I called in, the staff were bombarding me with information – courses they’d been on, new initiatives, medical updates. I felt completely out of the loop. I’m starting with a story and a bit of a sing with my sheep. They might be shy of me but my sheep is infinitely loveable.  She sometimes forgets the words and  she never remembers how to count to 10 but she tries, bless her. I’m hoping she helps me through the first few sessions.

Incidentally, if your child’s school has a policy of no cuddly comforters I’ll get cross. If I need my sheep, then a nervous 4-year-old most definitely needs a cuddly too.

By the time I get back properly I’ll have been off over 3 months. How does it feel, I wonder, to be off sick for years rather than months? There’s a lot of hype about getting people off disability benefits and back into the workplace just now. I really hope that some thought has been put into supporting people to do that. If I’m in a panic about going back to a welcoming place with people who’ll help me, what must it feel like to be pushed into an organisation hostile to your medical needs?

I’d like to think this has been thought through. I have every confidence that it hasn’t.

I’ve been thinking about fish, and what a brilliant resource they are for educating and entertaining  children. I’ve come up with a few activities you might want to try with your child.

Go to the fish counter of your local supermarket. You’re looking for things like herring, trout, sea bass. Go at the end of the day. Try to get them when they’ve been reduced. Buy the ones you like the look of – ideally get a couple in different sizes. I like herring and trout best.

Open up a black bin liner, cover your table or part of a hard floor, and examine your catch.

Some people are squeamish about touching raw fish. Children usually aren’t and at some point your child will poke its eyes out. All good. It’s scientific discovery. They’ll like the teeth too. Fish have surprisingly sharp teeth. Children love to put  their fingers in fishes’ mouths. They’ll probably make them talk to you too. Your hands will smell; of course they will but “discovering” together that rubbing lemon on your hands gets rid of the smell is all part of the science fun.

Painting fish is relatively mess-free. Take a brush and literally paint all over the fish, make sure you paint the head/tail thoroughly. Too much paint and the scale pattern will disappear. Carefully lie a piece of paper on top, carefully shape it round the fish and gently rub. You will get a beautiful scale print and a fish outline. Children love doing this. It’s nice to do it with different-sized fish. Your child is having a great time and incidentally learning about – size, printing, descriptive words, colour, imaginative play, sharing.

Two small fish in a bowl of water can be swirled round to  make them swim. See how fast you can make the water swirl. Did you use a finger, a spoon, or something else?

“Two little goldfish swimming in a tank. One called Freddie and one called Frank. Swim away Freddie, swim away Frank. COME BACK FREDDIE, COME BACK FRANK!” This makes children giggle. They nearly always recognise it as a variation on “Two little dickie birds.”

Paper plate fish are easy to make. Get some paper plated in different sizes. Cut a triangle out of each one (maths again). Stick the triangle on the fish’s bum to make a tail. If the plate’s big enough, add fins and teeth. You don’t need me to tell you how to decorate a fish but, for my sake, put a bit of glitter on.

What are you going to do with the fish when they’re done? Well, after they’re dry, they can go on a sea collage or be made into a mobile with a bit of string and two sticks. Or…you can make an aquarium. Easy, I promise. Take a cardboard box, cut a big oblong out of one of the big sides. This is best done by the adult with a Stanley knife. Thread your fish on bits of string and stick to the inside of the box lid. I prefer masking tape – it’s easier for children to use. When you close the box, the fish “swim” in your aquarium. You might want to decorate it or make other sea creatures/plants. Go and watch Spongebob if you’re stuck for ideas.

Children’s paints are non-toxic but I wouldn’t eat a fish that had been played with and I wouldn’t recommend you do but, if you do, please wash the paint off  and cook it thoroughly first.

What I would like, however, is a fish finger sandwich. It’s maths again. Fish fingers are oblongs.. How many do you need? How do we fit them onto the bread? What if we change the shape of the bread? How do we make the fish fingers fit? This is wonderful maths problem-solving and logical thinking. (No sauce on mine please)

Finally, a nice fishy read.

There are so many lovely fishy books that I’m going to link you to Amazon’s fish book page. Choose your own. They’ll all be available from the library too. http://www.amazon.co.uk/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=node%3D69&field-keywords=fish

Any book that has Usborne in the title is a good one, and I’m very keen on “The Fish who could Wish.”

I Googled webcam aquariums and found this. There will be others but this is lovely http://www.montereybayaquarium.org/efc/otter.aspx?c=ln

All of these activities can be done outside if you’d prefer. I think you’ll be amazed at how much general knowledge your child already has about fish life – thank you, Nemo.

Indulge me. I need to get something off my chest. It’s a little school rant. More specifically, it’s a rant in answer to the question, “Why do they close the schools just because it’s snowing?” Almost inevitably followed by comments about lazy teachers not getting off their backsides to get to work like the rest of the country – and yes, BBC News, I’m looking at you too.

So, here’s the problem.

The previous government introduced something called CRB(Enhanced) Checks, which meant that everyone working with vulnerable groups would be checked for their suitability. A checked person has a CRB number which, in theory, they could give and walk in to any setting with impunity… EXCEPT, nobody will accept a CRB check that their organisation  hasn’t done itself.

For example, a supply teacher who works between three local authorities, teaches Sunday School, helps out at their own child’s school and does Rainbows on a Thursday night would need SIX separate CRB checks.

There’s an added complication. Those of us in post before CRB were checked under List 99. We don’t have a number. So, if I look out of the window and judge that I can’t safely travel to my own school, I can’t just rock up to my nearest school, as I used to, because they have to ask for a CRB number that I haven’t got. If they let me in, they risk being sued. If they don’t let me in, they get into trouble from the County for closing due to staff shortages.

There’s more. Schools now have to produce a “Travel to School” Policy – OFSTED can ask to see it. We have been made responsible for pupils’ journey to school. You know what I’m going to say next. If the school is open in adverse weather conditions, and little Sophie breaks her leg falling on the ice, we can be sued. It’s rare, by the way, for Local Authorities to defend school law suits as it’s usually seen as cheaper for the taxpayer to settle out of court. (Watch satellite t.v. – see the adverts for companies who make a living from suing schools.)

Teachers aren’t lazy. We try to get to work, like everyone else, but if I can’t drive the 25 miles to my own school, I should be able to walk the mile to my nearest one. It’s time this ridiculous mess was sorted out. But…until it is, don’t blame us. We only work in the system. We don’t makes the rules.

I wrote a blog last year with a few ideas for easy crafts ideas for children. “Christmas Cake with Glitter” – http://wp.me/p12hUq-2j Here’s a quick update with a few more suggestions.

Scratch and Sniff Pudding – take a circle of brown card/cardboard. Hole punch 2 holes in the top. Glue on to it nutmeg, ginger, mixed spice, cinnamon, brown sugar, cloves and currants. Thread a bit of ribbon on it and hang from the tree

Christmas Wreath – collect large autumn leaves, spray them with gold/silver craft paint (any DIY shop sells it on the run-up to Christmas), then cut the middle out of a paper plate, glue the leaves round the edge and sprinkle them with glitter. Staple a bit of real holly on for an authentic look.

Buttons – a few assorted buttons make a lovely Christmas card if you glue them to a tree shape and then stick the shape on to a piece of card. Don’t draw the tree shape directly on to the Christmas card if you have a young child. They’ll want to stick the buttons anywhere and you’ll get stroppy.

Snowman – A lovely card for the grandparents. Take a photograph of your child, Prittstick it to the smaller of 2 circles of white paper (the snowman’s head), glue both in the shape of a snowman onto a piece of card. Decorate with cotton wool snow. For a bit of extra personalisation, get your child to dip their finger in white paint and do some extra snowflakes round the edges. You’ll need a nice hat and scarf too.

Cake Pops-ish – they’re a good idea but a bit labour-intensive with the faffing about with lolly sticks. Make them as truffles, so much easier. Be kind to yourself. Use bought cake and bought fudge icing. Get the child to crumble the cake, add enough icing so that it holds together and then roll them in to balls. Melt some chocolate in the microwave, roll the balls in chocolate and let them set. I like to roll them in melted chocolate orange.

Thank you letters – when I ask a young child at school what they got for Christmas they can never remember, or who bought what. It’s hard to say thank you to grandma when your memory isn’t really developed yet. So, here’s a relatively painless way to get through the thank you letters. Take a photo of the child playing with granny’s bike or grandad’s playdoh. Put it in a word document, show it to the child and write down what they say about it. You’ll get a much more flowing letter because their vocabulary will always be in advance of their writing skills. Print it out and get them to write their name, or try to, at the bottom, and maybe a little drawing too.

I’ve said this before…it’s supposed to be fun for both of you. Don’t feel glossy-magazine-guilt if you really don’t enjoy the Crafty Christmas. Buy chocolate money, put on a Christmas DVD and snuggle up together instead.

Because it’s half term I can stay in bed all morning or I can watch  Jeremy Kyle in my pyjamas.

Because it’s half term OFSTED doesn’t scare me.

Because it’s half term I can have long lazy days and quiet…blessed quiet.

Because it’s half term nobody will want to set me targets or ask me to tick some boxes or write a report to be filed under “Pointless.”

Because it’s half term I can update my ipod, watch a DVD, almost go to the gym.

Because it’s half term no one will ask my opinion about suspicious bruising or cigarette burns or whether I think that child has eaten today.

Because it’s half term I can get my hair done.

Because it’s half term I can close the eyes in the back of my head.

It’s Bank Holiday Monday. I’ve just had a conversation with a lovely parent who’s feeling  guilty because she and her daughter have no plans today. She just wanted to stay at home and “do nothing.” Two things – being a parent doesn’t make you the Entertainment Officer, and there’s no such thing as “doing nothing.”

For example,

Watching a film together – you’re sharing something you both enjoy, laughing at the same things, almost certainly having a cuddle.  Bonding, sharing interests, discussing.

Making a sandwich – how much ham? Too much butter? Quarters or triangles? Maths skills

You see where I’m going with this. Children learn when people interact with them. They don’t have to spend all their free time at the soft play centre or activity classes.

A day spent doing nothing will include talking to each other, playing with toys, cuddles, sharing and taking turns, “helping” parent to clean the house or wash the car, telling stories, snoozing. This is educationally wonderful and an excellent way to develop close interpersonal relationships (sorry – teacher jargon)

Enjoy the doing nothing days as much as the activity days. They’ll almost certainly be less stressful.