Starfleet Academy Episode 1+2 Review

They said this wasn’t your parents Star Trek and it isn’t, that was good, competently done science fiction. This is feeling porn. Feelings Porn is a new phrase that I am coining, it is when every episode has to have a character cry, when everyone talks about their feelings, when all the male characters are soft and when masculinity is dead. This show is that in spades..

Honestly I am bringing you my review of these two episodes rather than the series as I don’t think I’ll be watching anymore. As many of you know I didn’t like Discovery but thought Strange New Worlds could be okay at times, but this is just YA slop. I don’t know why Kurtzman is still in a job I really don’t.

It is exactly what you would expect, minimal to no action, lots of quirky one liners and awkward comedy and of course every character is LGBTQ+ something. It is so stunning and brave that you won’t be able to tolerate more than about two episodes of it.

It feels like glee in space, minus some of the singing. I don’t know who thought that this was the way to push the franchise forward rather than you know Kirk and Spock and actual science fiction.

No doubt this show complete it’s 2 season run and then disappear. Hopefully the Kurtzman lead vandalization ends soon.

Overall, not for fans of Star Trek

0/5

Pros.

None

Cons.

It is cringe

It is preachy

They hate the fans

It feels like parody

It is badly paced

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Cinema Issues: The Duffer Brothers Are Hacks, Findings From The Documentary

In this edition of Cinema Issues we will be talking about the Stranger Things documentary.

Now this article won’t be about how the documentary wasn’t secretly a 9th episode.

This article is about what the documentary says about Stranger Things as a show, and critically the Duffer Brothers.

So let’s consider one thing this documentary came out when the Duffers were unpopular after the season finale, and only made things worse. I wouldn’t be surprised if Netflix did this knowing the Duffers were going to Paramount and wanted to salt the ground.

The documentary raised a number of points. It showed that the Duffers did not have a deep plan for the show or a multi season trajectory, the Brothers admit they didn’t have a finished script when going into production, which isn’t abnormal but it does destroy the idea that the Duffer’s had a plan or were all about attention to detail.

Moreover, it shows how the Duffers didn’t understand their own lore or characters as they needed actors and others involved with the show to correct them. One writer even asked why there weren’t any demogorgons, bats, or dogs in the final battle scene, but the Brothers didn’t seem to understand why that would be important. It shows incompetence. They had demogorgon fatigue and so decided against consistency in storytelling.

The actors appeared miserable, and as though they could not wait for the show to be done, this contrasts with the image of everyone being back and happy to have one last trip to Hawkins. It could also suggest behind the scenes dramas and what not.

In a still from the documentary they had ChatGPT open on laptops, so likely the Duffers were using AI to create scenes. Worse yet the maker of the documentary tries to defend them going, “you try keeping track of 19 characters without using it”. Good writers could and have done it before.

They off screen pivotal bits of information such as that Joyce and Hopper went to school with Henry and what happened to the Military in favour of a bloated and indulgent epilogue.

They have tried to play the victim post release of the documentary and said they were under time pressure by Netflix to get the final season out. They had 3 years and 400+ million to make 8 episodes of TV, it’s not Netflix’s fault you’re incompetent.

I have seen theories going around post the end of season 5 and now post documentary suggesting that the Duffers bought the idea of Stranger Things first season from someone else, and then when it became popular have been writing it themselves and blagging. I have also seen the idea that one of the other writers is actually the creative genius not the Duffers and they left somewhere around season 3 or 4 leaving the Duffers to struggle on their own. Even after the final I had some doubt about these theories but after watching the documentary I now believe them.

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The King Of Coal: Pedro Pascal’s Bad Touch Nepotism

Summary

A film that never would have been made if Pedro Pascal wasn’t the current Hollywood Golden boy, he’s the one who got his brother this work through pure nepotism.

This is why people are cancelling Netflix, who is this for, the LGBTQ+ audience are tiny as they are only a fraction of the world’s population and you better believe mass audiences aren’t watching this. It reads as Netflix burning cash to appease talent and maintain good relations with Pedro, until his non-consensual touching stuff comes out and then they’ll never have liked him.

This film feels like a sketch from a comedy film in the late 90s or early 2000s where the ridiculousness of this would be played up and laughed at. Here the film has spoof energy, feeling very much like Zoolander but then tries to be a serious film. All the way through, you are waiting for the minute they turn it into a joke but it doesn’t come. This film is an ode to gender lunacy.

The film itself tries to be aspirational and show the story of a man overcoming hardship, however, the reality the film creates is so out of touch is so unreal that it makes the film hard to take seriously. The fact this is supposed to be set in the real world, not in a fantasy land, and they expect you to believe that these things could happen in the way the film claims is just silly.

Rather than helping to reverse stereotypes or have a serious conversation Netflix makes things like this that are too goofy to even be called propaganda.

Overall, Pedro Pascal has been a net negative for Hollywood.

0.5/5

Pros.

It is unintentionally hilarious

Cons.

It is hamfisted

It is ridiculous

It is badly paced

It is lecturing

It was only made due to nepotism

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Cinema Issues: The Issue With Video Game Films and Series.

In this edition of Cinema Issues we will be talking about video games.

Video games are cool, Hollywood is finally realising.

More and more we are starting to see video games adapted to the screen. There is even some talk that they may one day replace superhero films.

However, the same issues that plagued superhero films is plaguing video game films, and that is being ashamed of what they are. There have been some great video game films such as Tomb Raider, both versions, the Paul W.S Anderson Resident Evil films and also his Monster Hunter film. The thing is they have played down the video game elements and tried to shed that side of themselves, much as superhero films did with comics. What I mean is that weird choices and logic that would only make sense in a video game is lost as it is adapted for the screen and in that some of the charm is lost.

I am not saying that we need to see stages adapted directly from games, but I would say that the Sonic films got it right, they fully embraced their video game wackiness and keep in things like Rings and Chaos Emeralds and that’s why it worked. Things like Super Mario Brothers tried to do this and was benefitted by being animated but even then they had to change things to get away from the games.

The studios want these things to appeal to mass audiences that’s why they do it, but in doing this you drive away the key people who might support your film, the players of the games, these are a backbone that you can’t do without, especially as modern audiences are fickle.

We need more video game projects that aren’t ashamed of their origins.

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We Bury the Dead: Daisy Ridley Can’t Act

Summary

Fresh off her latest failed attempt to be an action star in The Cleaner, Ridley returns in a film that feels more than a little inspired by the 28 Days/Weeks/Years franchise.

Hollywood morality folks, this film wants you to root for Ava, Ridley, despite you learning that she had an affair despite spending the whole film dreaming about her husband. You imagine her as a loving wife at the start of the film, you feel bad for her, and then you are shown that when she couldn’t get pregnant she had an affair. This is what Hollywood wants us to root for now. The film even tries to justify her by going well he later cheated on her too, ignoring the fact she was the one that broke the monogamy

The film takes the more slow and reflective elements of the recent 28 Years Later and makes it the whole film. Whilst these are technically zombies or rage monsters, they are in a similar ballpark. You get a scene wherein one of the infected digs a hole and allows Ridley to kill him showing that these zombies are more thinking that most. Once again people want angry monsters, hence the Walking Dead did well, not thoughtful quasi humans.

Ridley is wooden throughout and can’t manage anything that you might call emotional range. I don’t know why anyone is surprised, her career so far doesn’t say that she is capable of acting.

Overall, Daisy Ridley needs to stop acting.

1/5

Pros.

It is short

Cons.

Ridley cannot act

It feels derivative

It has pacing issues

It wants you to sympathies with a truly unlikeable protagonist

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Cinema Issues: The Afterlife Of Stranger Things

In this edition of Cinema Issues we will be talking about Conformity Gate and what it means for fandom as a broader subject.

So as many of you may have seen many Stranger Things fans expected there to be a bonus episode of the show which would be the true ending. It did not happen.

Fans invest far too much of themselves into shows and see them as an extension of themselves, its tribalism, as such a show not ending on the best note becomes almost a personal failure they cannot accept. This is unhealthy, you should not be this invested in a show.

It also presents as a cognitive dissonance as many of these people who would say it was one of the best shows ever made and that the finale was great- yet it needed to be changed and presented as the real finale.

It also speaks to a broader issue with internet culture, the popularity and belief in theory videos. There are a lot of theory videos for most popular shows but at the end of the day these are just theories they are what one person thinks and are often over done to be dramatic. Omg you’ll never believe what I’ve discovered. These videos are fine if you understand what you’re interacting with. However, it seems a growing contingent of people don’t, they seem to view these theories as gospel and believe they will play out in the show and then when they don’t get upset.

The fact is a lot of the Stranger Things theories positioned the show as far deeper and has having far more subtext then the writers ever did. It was just a goofy science fiction show about 80s nostalgia and ripping off Stephen King, it wasn’t even supposed to go beyond one season. There wasn’t a deep multi layered strategy for the show.

There is a sense of fan entitlement in the idea that they have to include the theory that you think is correct. There is also a righteous expectation of good writing, both can exist. However, there is also a lot of toxic positivity and hero worship wherein the Duffers and Stranger Things are being held up on a pedestal. This is done as people no longer believe they can critique something they like and that because they have spent time watching it or are a fan and it’s a part of their identity that they must defend it.

It was always nostalgia slop, it was never a deep show like Mad Men, or the Sopranos, or even something like Pluribus, but people made it out to be.

There was also a large degree of mental illness and unhealthy parasocial issues tied in.

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Song Sung Blue: I Hope You Like Neil Diamond

Summary

Two love birds cover Neil Diamond

This was a mixed to good sort of film. It had a nice love story, the two leads were good and for the most part it was a feel good film. The issue for me came from the fact that the ending, which I won’t spoil for you, is incredibly depressing. It’s a biopic so you can’t do much about it, but still be prepared for it going on.

As far as the music goes I do think this film goes a little far in just how many numbers they put in, it’s not just Diamonds greatest hits it’s almost his entire catalogue, except America. That’s hyperbole but not by much.

I think the film does more than a standard musical biopic by trying to cover other areas of their life in as much if not more so detail, I respect that level of attention to detail.

Overall, expect a little more than a standard musical biopic, but be prepared for the depressing ending and for the songs to go on for just a little bit too long.

4/5

Pros.

The love story

How it deals with adversity

It is for the most part feel good

It does more than most biopics

Cons.

The ending

The songs go on for too long

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Cinema Issues: Outisde The Age Of The Junket

In this edition of Cinema Issues we will be talking about press/media junkets.

So as many of you may know when you cover films, sometimes you attend junkets wherein you might get a meet and greet with actors or to see some new footage for a film etc.

These have long been a staple of how Hollywood promotes it’s films. It is a part of the marketing budget and usually is done for the actors benefit as they like to feel important and to have people asking them questions gives them a chance to talk. Now not all actors like it but more often than not they demand it as it gives them a stage.

However with Hollywood going through seismic changes, the age of the junket is coming to an end. Hollywood is starting to realise that target social media advertising gets more engagement, having actors go onto podcasts or YouTube channels where they can be “themselves” and do silly things like spicy wings is better publicity.

In addition press junkets have often been a source of controversy in recent memory, many sound bites and statements that would later go onto haunt productions came from actors at marketing junkets. Increasingly giving the stars a platform to make statements to the press, is becoming a hazard rather than a bonus.

The main reason they have survived this long is because as I said before the stars like them, they enjoy the press lining up to ask them questions, it makes them feel important. Although as Hollywood moves into a post movie star age, when AI stars may begin making appearances in films, or when less films are being made overall, then the negotiating power of the actor ends and with it likely junkets will end too.

With a contracting box office and a renewed rush to make films as cheaply as possible, that includes marketing, overpriced set pieces of yore such as the junket become relegated to a past where movie stars mattered.

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Blue Moon: Ethan Hawke At His Most Manic

This was another one that I unfortunately couldn’t see in cinemas as it simply isn’t out where I am yet. I had to find it online to watch it and be ahead for awards season.

Honestly, this film won’t be for everyone, not much happens, it is a talkie. It is mainly about Hawke’s characters with the other people around him, and him coming to terms with his own irrelevance, even if he still thinks he’s someone. It’s a character piece and some may find that slow.

There is a depressing edge to the film, as Hawke’s character is a tragic one and one that you can see the bleak future set out before him, and that gives the film a wan undertone throughout.

It is also a film that is very interested in old Hollywood and is Hollywood giving itself a pat on the back, if you find Hollywood making films about Hollywood clawing or unnecessary then you like won’t like this.

Overall bound to be divisive for it’s length, tone and subject matter, but still very watchable.

2.5/5

Pros.

There is a charm

It has a few funny moments

The pace works well

Cons.

It can be depressing

It is yet another film about Hollywood

The characters can be a little irritating

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SpongeBob Search For Square Pants: Laying Brickwork

Summary

I was a fan of SpongeBob when I was younger but have to admit I have lost touch with it a bit as I’ve aged. I didn’t know if I would just be able to watch this, or if I wouldn’t get it. Turns out it fit like an old glove.

I always wanted more of a focus on the Flying Dutchman back in the classic era so I really enjoyed that he got his moment here. I would have liked to know how he became the Flying Dutchman but I thought the amount of new information we got about him was great.

For the most part it was funny and enjoyable SpongeBob that reminded me why I liked it as a kid, however there were a number of off colour and oddly sexual jokes that I found to be uncomfortable in a kids movie. SpongeBob and Patrick got their asses out too often as well which was also uncomfortable.

Overall, I liked the SpongeBob Mr Crabs storyline and thought it was good we finally got to see more of the Flying Dutchman, but some of the jokes made me feel a little uncomfortable.

3/5

Pros.

SpongeBob and Mr Crabs bond

The focus on the Flying Dutchman

Genuinely funny moments

Cons.

The weird sexual humour

It has pacing issues

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