OK, not really but my new Primary Care Physician could be her little known Asian twin.
Let me set this up for ya. For the last 5 or 6 months I’ve been dealing with left arm pain. Sometimes it’s mild, sometimes it hurts so bad I can’t use it. So anyway 2 months ago, I decide that I should have it checked out. I call the VA and make an appointment. Yeah, I said 2 months ago. They told me that the soonest I could be seen was on March 8th. OK, when you make me wait 2 months to see the doctor, don’t get on my ass about waiting to come in to have it checked. Not cool! And, that’s EXACTLY what the doctor did to me this morning.
Anyway, I was informed that my Primary Doctor had changed. Really? Hmmm… I never got the actually see the old one, just some fill in dummy they had seeing his patients. Oh well, no problem. My appointment was a t 10 AM. We left the house this morning at 8:30. Now, I don’t live in downtown LA so getting to Vista from here should only take 40 minutes, so I had plenty of time. Well, the traffic didn’t cooperate and we got there at 9:52AM. I know, I know I should have factored that in but COME ON! It really shouldn’t take an hour and a half to go 38 miles. So when we get to the VA clinic we were scolded and warned that the next time we come we need to be 20 minutes early. I don’t make a habit of being late to anything, call it a military mindset or what you want, but the last time I was 20 minutes early for my appointment I still wasn’t seen by the nurse to get my vital signs taken until well after my appointment time. These idiots lack consistency. So, when I finally got in with the Doctor, she was very rude about me being late and that now (which was 10:30) she could only give me 10 minutes because she had an appointment scheduled for 10:40.
I worked in the clinic and hospital when I was in the military. I know that when a patient presents with left arm pain and you asks them where the pain is, if they say “left arm” thats NOT, repeat NOT the arm you take the BP from. I explained to her that this was the arm that hurt ahead of time. Maybe it was the fact that she spoke very broken English, I don’t know, but when she got an erroneously high reading, she took it again… In the SAME FUCKING ARM!!! She asked me “are you in pain?” No lady, I come here to see what color the wallpaper is this month. YES I’m in pain you nugget! Of course, I was nicer than this in person, I mean she can’t help it that she’s a moron and can’t think of anything but 5 o’clock rolling around.
So, back to the waiting room I go. After a few minutes the doctor came to the waiting room door and yelled out my name. As we were walking to the exam room, she’s scolding us again for being late. I say “us” because I can’t really go anywhere without my wife. She is my anchor and hears the things I miss when my mind is occupied with trying to not freak out. “Why are you here” the doctor asked to which I replied with what was ailing me. She starts rattling off shit real fast. What the fuck? Were you an auctioneer before you completed your residency? Bare in mind, this is my first meeting with this particular doctor so right about now I’m less than impressed.
The whole time I was in that room with her, she never let me finish a sentence and told me that I’m fat and I need to quit smoking. Well no fucking shit, tell me something I don’t know like what plan of action you are going to take to manage this arm pain. She said I needed x-rays and PT but didn’t go into any detail and got right back on the fat and smoking thing. Jesus Christ!!! I get it… I’m a fat smoker.
Then, the mother of all “non-smoking” propaganda game to the surface. She said it’s not only Second Hand Smoke that kills infants and gives toddlers asthma (it doesn’t! It can exacerbate an existing asthmatic condition but it DOES NOT cause asthma), she went on about… Get this… Third Hand Smoke. Yeah. Third Hand Smoke. She said that if our pets lick the curtains and if we have small children that put their mouths on the carpet or drapes, it could kill them. WHAT?! You have got to be fucking kidding me!!! If my pets are licking the curtains and if any child of mine put their mouth on the drapes, I’ve got bigger issues than just smoking. You can’t see it but my eyes are rolling as I’m typing this. My grandparents and parents all smoked with me in the house, how do those on the “Non Smoking” bandwagon explain the fact that I’m still alive?! Well, that’s another topic for another day.
That was it. The whole visit. No medication, no diagnosis. Just “You’re fat and you need to stop smoking!”
So what’s the moral of today’s doctor visit? Here it comes… Get good and skinny and stop smoking and your arm pain caused by a preexisting nerve injury will magically disappear. Give me a fucking break. I should have gone out into the back yard this morning and tried to reason with the olive trees rather than waste my time, exacerbate my anxiety and elevate my blood pressure by killing a morning having a doctor tell me I’m fat. Thanks a lot lady, I could have had a high school girl look at me and give me that diagnosis!
Hell, I even tried to tell her I had no issues with my weight until I was given that cocktail of meds the VA gave me for my PTSD. (See my old post about the metabolic disorder) But she wasn’t having any of that.
And to think you assholes who want to lick Obama’s butt hole actually want government run health care?! I hope you’re not fat smokers! I hope the Obomites spend about 5 minutes talking to a veteran about government run health care! And, I sure as hell don’t want to hear you all bitching after it happens that you’re not satisfied. Piss off and be careful what you wish for if you don’t fully understand it!!!
I need a beer!


