We all have heard many analogies used for women, women are like cars, cats, rocks, weather, etc. But have you heard of how a woman is like a doughnut? And have that analogy meant as a compliment? Well my friends, I have.

First let me paint a portrait of the guy who said it, he is in his twenties, wants to tell you his biography because he is very interesting and unique, and he wants you to know he is so on the level.  Last year at my daughter’s school dinner, he sat next to me, he talked for about 30 minutes and kept giving me blessings to have more children. I awkwardly smiled, and kept thinking “Whoa dude, not only is that weird, but I don’t believe I said I wanted more children.” We’ll call this guy Marv.

This year my sister was dragged along to my daughter’s school’s dinner, and this year she was the one cornered into conversation. And that’s when it happened, the analogy of all time, when he was talking about a teacher at my daughter’s school: 

“Have you ever been to the Vegan Delight Bakery?” Marv asked my sister Rebecka.

(Of course it’s a Vegan bakery)

“I’m not from around here,” Rebecka replied.

“Oh you should really go when you get the chance, blah, blah, blah. Anyways, they have this Bavarian cream doughnut, it’s really good. The teacher is like that, except instead of being full of creamy goodness, she’s full of righteousness.”

OMG. Seriously? Instead of CREAMY GOODNESS she’s full of RIGHTEOUSNESS? Who talks like that? Wow guy, just wow. It’s a strange double entendre insulting compliment, and who uses terms like righteousness anyways??

Anyways, after this completely bizarre analogy, I have come up with some more of my own, that have never been heard. So just in case my social cue ignorant friend stumbles across this blog, he can get some new ideas.

She is like a toothpaste tube, except instead of being full of minty freshness, she’s full of angelicness.

She is like a car freshener, except instead of giving of piney aroma, she gives off saintliness.

She’s like an Easter Island statue, except instead of a giant head, she has a giant sense of nobility.

 She’s like a deep fried perogi, except for instead of being full of mashed potato cheesy goodness, she’s full of virtuousness.

She is like a organic tube sock that is too small, but instead of leaving impressions on your skin, she leaves impressions on your heart, impressions of rectitude.

Personally, I consider myself like a tube of antibiotic cream.