The Audit

Here we go again, me showing off mah mad ‘Spresso Skillz!

Last time I showed you this:

Ahhh, so delicious!

With the promise of the boozy espresso-related drink in the goblets. Here goes:
3 oz Espresso
1 oz Whipped Cream Flavored Vodka (we use Pinnacle)
1 oz Spiced Rum (we use Barbarossa; I prefer it to “The Captain”)
3 oz Flavored Creamer (French Vanilla in this case, but please experiment)
Foam on top, if you like that sort of thing.
If you do the foam, try some sprinkles of goodness. In this case, Apple Pie Spice and Chocolate-Flavored Sprinkles

• Place all measured/liquid ingredients into a goblet or similar utensil of at least 10-12 oz capacity.
• Stir gently.
• Spoon foam atop the lusciousness.
• Add sprinkled deliciousness.
• Enjoy! Heck, pamper yourself, either with the diaper, or with an Empanada-Cookie or a comfy chair!

It’s pretty freakin’ tasty, if I do say so myself.

Now… on to the sadness.
This post marks my first debacle-ridden attempt to make “espresso art”.

Espresso Kitty! Kinda.. he looks sad.

Please… Avert your eyes from the close-up, if you cannot stand seeing espresso mangled.

My first and third attempts were pathetic smiley faces that just DID NOT work out, but my lady love has decided that the espresso kitty was a smashing success.

Espresso Kitty CLOSE-UP!

Don’t mock me unless you have pictures of you doing it better on YOUR first second attempt!

That said… I made some really killer Empanada-Cookies, too!

The dough is made like this:
1 Cup of Butter, Softened
6 oz Cream Cheese, Softened
1/8 Tbs Salt
2 Cups of (Gluten Free) All-Purpose Flour
Sweet stuff to sprinkle on top!

• Mix up the Creaminess and Buttery yum until they are “fluffy” and “mixed thoroughly”.
• Add Salt, mix it in a little.
• Add Flour a little at a time until it is all mixed in.
• Roll it into a dough-ball, wrap it in plastic, stick it in the fridge for a couple hours… or days… no more than a week!

Get out your cookie sheets! Cover them with foil, spray that down with non-stick whatever (or grease it) and make soft square “patties” of dough, no more than 1/4 inch thick. I just eyeballed it in the palm of my hand until it was covered in dough, and it looked “pretty dang thin”. A good method I have found is to drop a ping-pong-ball-sized wad of dough into my hand and SLAP IT with the other palm.
Toss the future cookies onto the greased tray, sprinkle them with something sweet and savory, like Cinnamon Sugar or Nutmeg Sugar or… Umm… Sugar… Sprinkles…

It should look something like this:

No eggs! Eat a bite of dough!

Preheat the oven to 375, let them sit in there for 10-20 minutes, depending on your desired crispiness. Check for perfection after 10 minutes by opening the oven, ripping a piece off and burning your tongue with it.
Remember you can just go by color, if your oven has a glass plate you can see through in the front. If it doesn’t, remember to clean your oven door sometime soon and see if that helps!

Finished Empanada-Cookie yumminess!

Note: The numerically adept and/or Rain-Man-style savants amongst the readership may think there is a different number of cookies on the plate than were on the tray. To them I say, “Is that a rabbit over there?” or possibly, “Look over there! It’s shiny!”

Ahhh, so delicious!

Hey there!
I just wanted to share something I audited awhile back, and found to be “Yum!”

My lovely lady love found me an espresso machine, brand new, on Craigslist, for $10.
Yep, it’s a Salton single-spout, with a 4 shot cup to hold the magic elixir of mornings.
She claims I make the best espresso ever, but has now had to revise it to best HOMEMADE espresso ever, because River Maiden really, truly does rock and can, upon occasion, exceed my meager espresso skillz.

Some people want their espresso straight up, maybe with a little dollop of flavored foam on top. This is not that sort of drink.

Morning Espresso Yum!:
3-4 oz espresso
1 oz flavored coffee creamer
1-2 oz whole milk (or skim, soy, hemp, almond, whatever you have audited and found to be best)
1/4 oz flavored syrup (if desired, preferably something that goes well with your flavored coffee creamer)
Cinnamon or some other kind of topper you like.

– Make the espresso.
– When my machine slows down (about halfway through the pot), I heat the non-coffee liquid ingredients using the steam tube on the machine. This seems to help it build up pressure (weird) and gives it the rest it needs to finish brewing the potion of wakefulness.
– While the machine finishes the espresso, add almost all of the milk-like yum to the empty cup, reserving 1/4 to 1/2 inch in the steamer pitcher if you desire to whip it into foam. I do, she doesn’t, so I save a little out for myself only.
– 1/4 inch of creaminess and our Ikea battery-operated mini foaming whip turns this little bit of liquid into several tablespoons of milky foam. Your mileage may vary.
– Your espresso should be finished around now, so wait it out, if it’s not, then pour your espresso carefully into the creamy puddle of liquid love lying in the bottom of your morning mug. Spoon your foam over the top; don’t waste any, but don’t scrape the sides of your steaming pitcher or whatever you use for foaming, it’s just not classy.
– Sprinkle a little cinnamon, nutmeg, heroin, or chocolate-covered bacon bits over the top, as meets your fancy.
– TAKE YOUR CUP TO A RELAXING CHAIR and enjoy! Maybe at your computer. Re-reading this post to make sure you did it correctly.

Tune in to my NEXT blog post to learn about the delicious concoction in the goblets.
Here’s a hint: It’s not for the kids. 😉

Hello World, welcome to “The Audit”!

I audit everything, but I might mean it a little differently than you might mean it.

I use the word “Audit” to mean “Analyze” or “Consider” or “Weigh the advantages and disadvantages of”. For example, right now, I am thinking I don’t care for the basic setup of this blog program, or at least the options as they come “standard”.

Either way, I got involved in this because I have been pushing my wife to do it, so it’s only fair I get involved as well. I audited that thought for a few weeks once she actually followed through (I’ve also been working a LOT. As an Auditor.) and decided I better get going now so I could claim I have just been following up on a New Year’s Resolution or some garbage like that.

Anyhoo, I hope you will have some time to enjoy my blog; this is my first one ever, but at least my spleling and gramer should be adequate to bring my concepts across the “English-to-English” language barrier we all face in our day-to-day lives. Enough craptalk for now, on to the good stuff:

I made this for dinner:

Steak Fries. Yeah, like Cooking for Assholes told us to make.

I used 3 large red potatoes and one medium sweet potato, splashed with EVOO and a palmful of the various spices and spice blends shown.  Parsley, Garlic seasoning, Adobo pepper seasoning, and a hint of Himalayan Pink Salt. Yeah, my wife gets me the good stuff, she knows I like the weird crap like that.Anyhoo, toss the spuds in the oil, add some salt, toss again to coat evenly, then add your herbs and toss yet again. Any extra spuds without goo on ’em can just be dumped into your tossing bucket (lol) and add a splash more oil to pick up the good stuff from the sides and add it to the spuds.

And yeah, I know Cooking for Assholes hates Sweet Potatoes, but they rock, so I made ’em.

The beers were the cookin’, eatin’, beers, so I thought they deserved to be in the picture.

Miller Lite: Awesome Pilsner, light on the alcohol, but a shot added to the bottle perks it right up. Crisp and refreshing, it is good to sit around drinking all day, especially when the weather gets hot. Please, do yourself a favor, buy the bottles, not the cans; it’s worth the extra dollar or two for the 12 (or 18) pack. 5/5 for a macrobrew, 4/5 for any beer, but just because it needs more booze, which would mean it is no longer a Lite, but just a Pilsner.

Kona Pipeline Porter: Overpriced, but worth the money, even mah bebbeh likes it. It’s a super-rich, super heavy, coffee-twisted porter which comes on strong and sweet, rampages through your mouth, and goes down smooth. Delicious, sweet and chocolaty coffee-beer yum. Honestly, the price isn’t too bad when you compare it to other beers in the same “microbrew/import” category in the store beer coolers. 5/5 stars, baby. I drink the good stuff!

Make this meal yourself folks; it’s cheap and tasty! ~QJ