Want, Need, Require

Posted on January 9, 2026 by janieleeds
Daily writing prompt
What is your mission?
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My mission is simple. Pack up a decades’ house full of memories into bite-sized boxes in order to move in a few weeks to a smaller place. It’s not easy for a sentimental packrat like me who likes her memories around. I have been lugging these special items from the ancestors from home ot home for more than a decade now and it’s time to let go.

There’s a part of me that wants to just clear the decks and move on. Leave it all behind. Why the hell am I paying to carry this stuff around that’s not even mine? Old antiques that aren’t really worth much except that they belonged to so and so or I remember them at someone’s house and they treasured the item. Do I treasure it beyond the Oh yes, this belonged to Great Aunt Grace and I think it’s pretty?

Because not a lot of people value antiques anymore. Especially not the ones that aren’t popular, but instead are simply old items that aren’t really worth anything to anyone who is not a sentimental packrat like me.

And yet? I feel badly letting them go or sending them to a landfill. If I could find buyers for them, that would be great. I could allow myself to think that they’d be treasured by someone else’s family and live on. The memory of Aunt Grace (for example) would live on. But that’s not true either. The buyer or person who got the items wouldn’t know anything unless they asked me the history and I might not even know it either!

So, why am I holding on to stuff that’s not mine? Because I was the caretaker of everyone in the family and I felt like it was my duty to hold the family history together in a way. I can look around and see glassware, dishes, furniture that belonged to my great grandmother and what? See the beauty in them? Yes, of course. But, I don’t use the stemware as it’s too delicate and not dishwasher proof. So, it sits on a shelf to get an occasional glance from me and nod to the family ancestors.

You know I’m writing this to process what’s going on with me, right? Have you ever been in this situation? What did you do with the heirlooms?

There’s something in the air lately that’s urging me to let go. Maybe it’s that there’s no room in the next place for these sentimental items so I have no choice, unless I get a storage unit and I’ve not got the funds for that. But clearly these are just items. They’re not what I felt represented Aunt Grace etc. I have to remember that and nobody even remembers Aunt Grace anymore because they’re all dead too. (I’m using her as the example). She’s just a name on a family tree to the rest of the people who might even be interested in our ancestry. But because my parents held onto the older generations treasures, I continued to carry it on. But I think I’m done.

Want. Need. Require. – I need someone who can reign me in and keep me focused without wavering. Because I can waver a lot! Well, it might be worth something someday and I’d be throwing away money if I just donated it. Blah Blah Blah. That’s how I ended up with all this stuff in the first place. I think the Goodwill centers are about to get a lot of stuff…

Do you have any advice for me? Have you been down this road too?

Posted in #womenofacertainage, daily prompt, finding happiness at 50, midlife wisdom, the daily post | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 12 Comments

Making Peace with the Past for My Future Plans

Posted on January 6, 2026 by janieleeds
Daily writing prompt
Do you spend more time thinking about the future or the past? Why?
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I have been making plans for the future more often than not lately because I am moving. Starting a new life and I’m very excited about it! In fact, I’ve woken up from vivid dreams in which I’m standing with a man who is clearly ‘with me’ but I don’t recognize him in real life. We’re standing in the new place I’m moving to by the diningroom table and there’s a big group of people around it. (I took that as a good future dream!) Because I have let go of the story from the ex and his despicable family – I was hopeful that the case was closed – because on my end, it certainly is. Book shut. Story over. But the past is coming back ’round.

The older kid called this weekend and he’s very astute to his father’s quirks and I found myself stunned by the kids’ diagnosis of his dad and his worry about his dad. Over the years the kids have questioned how the heck did their dad and I get together (and even stay together for as long as we did) because we’re so different. I think it was probably through sheer will and determination. Anyway, the kid loves his dad a lot which is good, but he also remembers how fun his dad was when the kids were little and how his dad has changed…and the kid can identify when it’s the ‘good old dad’ as opposed to what’s been dubbed the new dad. The ‘good old dad’ being the one who was caring, kind, loving and vulnerable (to a small degree). The new dad is sarcastic, cold, highly defensive and downright mean at times. He’s competing with everyone around him and especially within himself. But that’s just the insecurity of a narcissist rearing its ugly traits.

However, it seems that his dad is sick again. He battled cancer awhile back and never got follow up visits. Why? Because that’s who he is. In his mind, rules aren’t for him. He’s above them and can do as he pleases. That’s the face he shares with the world. That’s the new dad (and frankly the old one too). Stubborn. Disagreeable and scared as hell, but he won’t show it. But the body and mind know it. He knows something is wrong, but he doesn’t want to know how bad, so he delays going to the doctor. Sticks his head in the sand in hopes that it all magically disappears. And we all know that this method doesn’t work the way we want.

So, the kid was really upset that his dad isn’t going to the doctor, especially because the symptoms are similar to what he had before diagnosis. The kid and the new “promise ring” fiancee of dad’s have been urging him to seek medical help, but he refuses, citing he has a virus. But both of them think it’s more than that and I tend to agree even though it’s certainly not my place to even vote on that one. It’s not my circus anymore.

But it is a little when the kid wants me to help, even suggesting I call his dad since we had a brief hello awhile back. Here’s the kids’ idea: Calling on behalf of talking about our other son who has been depressed etc. and just casually questioning how his dad is feeling and how many years since he’s had cancer. LOL I love how naive the kid is and how a) he thinks I would just call up out of the blue to his dad and b) that his dad would not immediately know that the kid’s let it slip that he’s sick again and I’ll be stoned to death as the bearer of reason to suggest that he get checked out for perhaps the cancer is back. LOL That would be grounds in his dad’s head for a hit man with my name at the top of his list.

But it was upsetting to the kid and therefore to me.

Posted in #womenofacertainage, midlife wisdom, Parenting Kids in their 20's, Single Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | 9 Comments

Love, Love, Love

Posted on January 4, 2026 by janieleeds
Daily writing prompt
What is the greatest gift someone could give you?
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I know, I know. You probably think that it’s a cheesy response. But what else would you expect from this GenX’er girl who grew up singing along with the album Belladonna by Stevie Nicks? I’m a hopeful romantic and I love love. What can I say? I grew up in the 80’s and love was sweet and wonderful! Times were easier and even though hearts were broken, mended and back in love again, it was a simpler time. And I miss it. I miss feeling loved.

I want non-judgemental, unconditional love. I want to be accepted – me just the way I am. Not kiss my @ss and allow me to walk all over you. No. I want us to be equals – equally giving and taking – with a sidekick of passion and a huge helping of understanding. (by the way, nobody’s ever kissed my @ss but I thought it was funny).

I want to trust you. But note that I’m not very trusting anymore after what I’ve been through, so you’ll have to work hard to earn it. You can trust me. I’ve been burned and I believe in karma, so I wouldn’t want to do that to someone else. Besides, I can’t lie well and everything shows on my face! You can read me like a book (according to the ex) and others.

I think that love is the greatest gift of all. Now I’m not knocking money (because that’s a great gift too) but love? Well, that sharing of self, is precious and I’m the kind of girl who treasures kindness. Treasures passion. Demands truthfulness. Understands and accepts. I don’t need perfection. I just want someone kind, caring and passionate to share my life with…oh geez, sorry! This turned into some type of dating app questionnaire answer. Forgive me. I’ll stop now before I embarrass myself further. But maybe this means I’m thinking of dipping my toe into the dating pool again? Hmm…

Greatest gift in one word? LOVE.

Posted in #womenofacertainage, daily prompt, dating after 50, finding happiness at 50, inspiration, love, midlife wisdom | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

Authentically Over 50

Posted on January 1, 2026 by janieleeds

I have big plans for the coming year. Plans for myself that include moving, getting rid of the old furniture and getting some new furniture that I pick out! Clean slate. New vibes. Now let’s see if I can keep up the momentum of how I’m presently feeling. I’m working on manifesting the wallet overflowing abundantly so that I can enjoy this new life that I’m magically embracing.

I know. A lot of word salad. Yup. But you gotta start somewhere, so here I am. Might as well begin the new year, new month with high standards and big dreams! Doesn’t hurt to imagine the highest good to begin with!

I’m writing it all down because I want to be able to look back at the end of the year to see how my high hopes and expectations were exceeded (see what I did there? No negative talk today).

I wish the same for you – highest good, whatever you choose and abundantly healthy and happy! May positivity reign!

Posted in #womenofacertainage, finding happiness at 50, inspiration | Tagged , , , , | 3 Comments

A Sigh of Relief For Now…

Posted on December 27, 2025 by janieleeds

I don’t know what the future’s going to hold, but for now? We’ve made it through Christmas pretty unscathed and for that, I’m tremendously grateful. It’s probably not surprising, (except I never really thought about it), that the littlest thing like making it through the holidays with all alive and not having a big fight among brothers could make this Mama sigh with relief…like really sigh…a heaving, grateful sigh.

Life can change on a dime, can’t it? One minute you think it’s all going along rather well and you’re relaxing into it and the next? Bam! And as you know, I’m still a work in progress considering my blog’s name is Embracing Life’s Changes. Giggle along with me…I still haven’t figured it out! But I continue to try!

I had a long talk with the younger son yesterday. His brother left and we had the house to ourselves. While he doesn’t want to talk too much, he did tell me that he’s working on himself and wanting to stay here on earth another 20 years. I’ll admit. I burst into tears and cried. I tried to be calm like he asked me to be, but there’s no calm when that whoosh of relief floods me. I’m pretty simple. Everything shows on my face and I can’t lie for shit. LOL And he knew I wouldn’t be able to hold it together when he said it to me. But thankfully he said it. Hopefully (God willing) he meant it. Of course there’s that nudging feeling in the back of my head that says he’s placating you because he loves you and knows that you’d never let go. But I’m shushing it for the moment because if something happened there’d be plenty of time for unrest.

I’ll take the branch of relief and peace he just gave me now, thank you very much.

Now we just have to make it through the weekend and he sees the therapist on Monday.

Thanks for all of your support and for allowing me to share here. It’s a hard situation to be in and I don’t feel the comfort in sharing with those around me because it feels like they judge more than help. I know everyone’s doing their best but, it’s not about them. It’s about my kid. Not even about me. Although I could use some support since I’m giving my all to them. It’s just a stinky place to be in for all…and I hope we can continue to get better here…slowly but surely. At least we made it through Christmas.

I hope that you had a wonderful Christmas and holiday!

Posted in divorce, Parenting Kids in their 20's, Single Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Holiday Anxiety

Posted on December 24, 2025 by janieleeds

I’m steeling myself for the holidays this year. Frankly, I think it’s what happens every year as somehow the ex’s family mucks up my holidays by pitting the kids against each other and demanding their presence throughout the holiday season. Every single year.

But this year has shifted. The younger one chose to not participate and it’s been difficult to manage. Indeed my plans completely changed as I was scheduled to be at my brother’s house tonight for Christmas Eve dinner, but I can’t leave him even though the kid’s not wanting to be with me either. But there’s something about having your son who struggles with anxiety and depression be alone in your home on Christmas. So, here I am – occasionally checking in on him, even though he doesn’t want to hang out with me either.

I don’t feel like I can leave him with the ‘what if’ factor lurking in my mind, (what if he decides he doesn’t want to be anywhere anymore), on Christmas especially, I just don’t feel right. Not that my being here could change anything if he were to choose to go, but at least I’d have a better chance of catching him if his mind should fall prey to that.

My stress levels are at an all-time high. Because yes, he’s had those ideations before and has admitted such to me and to his therapists, counselors and psychiatrist. That uncertainty keeps me tethered to the house and I’ve chosen to be ok with it. Because I can’t imagine the other scenario. The one that every parent dreads and those who have gone through the unimaginable would do anything to bring their child back, to have seen the signs before it happened, and to have been spared. Some have shared their feelings with me and I’m honored and of course, saddened for all…the parents, the kids themselves and their friends and family.

So tonight will be a quiet one and I’m ok with it. I’m planning on making a nice dinner and hoping that he’ll share it with me. I’m not pressuring him, only offering, as there’s enough pressure to launch a missile to the moon with the ex’s family’s angst at him for not attending the required holiday parties.

Why is love so hard for some people to extend when you don’t do what’s expected and as they wish? They say they love him, but only if he’s allowing them to control him. Otherwise, he’s the bad kid for not wanting to stick with what they demand of him. It’s like the gift situation from when the kids were younger and I was first divorced. The ex-MIL would not give the kids their gifts until Christmas morning even though I was to have them on Christmas Day and the ex to have them on Christmas Eve (their choice by the way). Instead, she demanded them to go to brunch to get their gifts and they were young and wanted their gifts. I gave up back then even though inside I was seething mad. I chose to take the high road as I didn’t want the kids to be in the middle. I asked that the gifts be given on ‘their day’ but that was dismissed. So, I began my own Christmas morning tradition with friends who are like family. And it was lovely. Problem solved!

But now? The other kid who goes along with the family demands is mad at his brother for not going because they’ll question him ad nauseam about why his brother didn’t attend. They’ll make it all about themselves and not about the kid whose depression and anxiety are at an all time high and doesn’t need the fickleness of self-absorbed people who, even though they are informed about what’s going on, don’t care because they want what they want as and when they demand it.

That’s not love. That’s pure meanness.

Posted in divorce, finding happiness at 50, midlife wisdom, Parenting Kids in their 20's | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

I Dunno

Posted on December 22, 2025 by janieleeds
Daily writing prompt
Are you a good judge of character?
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Imagine me with my arms raised in the “I don’t know” stance because again, last night, the older kid told me how my “magical thinking” could be seen as a detriment and a superpower, but mostly my downfall. Because from his point of view, I don’t see people for who they are. I prefer to see the best in them and so, that’s what they show me. But in reality, they’re not good people. WTF?

Let me explain. I think I’m a good judge of character. While I can see when some people try to pull the wool over my eyes, for the most part, I like to give people the leeway to make choices for themselves and not judge. Because I don’t want to be judged. I want to be a good person and let bygones be bygones. But that doesn’t always work. And I know that. I’m not a complete idiot.

But if you believe something that I don’t believe (his example was politics) that’s ok. We can agree to disagree and not allow it to get in the way of our friendship. I’m not that way. I am not one to stick with only a certain type of people as my friends. I like diversity. I like to learn, so tell me what you believe and allow me to expand my horizons even if after hearing it all I’m not all in (or I am). Either way, it doesn’t change our basic friendship, does it?

Apparently (as explained to me by the older 20 something son), it does. His generation is stoic in the ‘believe what I believe and we’re friends, otherwise we’re not’ and giving the example of 2 of his childhood friends (who I know and always felt like they were my kids too because they were all so close in school), are no longer friends with him because they believe (x) and he believes (y), so these guys said they can’t be friends anymore.

Seriously? You’re dragging politics into friendship?

The reason the subject was brought up again? I saw a few of his friends by chance while I was out shopping and we took a selfie and I sent it to my son! I was so excited to see them and it was the guys who approached me…suddenly I heard a deep voice call out – Mrs. Leeds! I turned around and saw these gigantic guys who I remembered well as little kids. There were hugs and smiles all around and I was so happy to see them! I don’t care if you’re friendly with my kids or not. I have fond memories of you and I remember the good people you are – I may have no idea who you are today, but I remember the good character you once were.

But my son let me know that they’re not friends and in his words, “You’re clueless as they were just being nice to you and it’s fake. You and your magical thinking that everyone’s always nice. I love you, but you’re sooo naive.” And frankly, I wanted to slap my kid because I’m sorry, that’s not the way it was. They called out to me. I didn’t even see them and they could have bypassed me and I wouldn’t have known otherwise.

Sometimes I just don’t understand my kid. I really don’t. I’m not sure if he’s narcissistic like his dad or if he’s clueless himself? Or if there’s some warped generational thinking that I’m not aware of or perhaps he’s right and I’ve got magical thinking. Either way, I’m sticking with my innate sense of magical thinking. I’d rather see the best than the worst.

But that’s just me. I’m not an idiot. I see things and I sense the ugly and I steer clear of those people. But I try to give all a chance. I believe in the good you’ve got inside of you.

And if that makes me a bad judge of character, then, so be it.

Posted in midlife wisdom, Parenting Kids in their 20's, Single Parenting, the daily post | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Monkey (Mama) In The Middle

Posted on December 19, 2025 by janieleeds

It’s been rough time here lately at Chez Leeds. I’ll admit I’m just doing the best I can to navigate the twists and turns that are seemingly coming at me left and right. I’ll have both kids home for the holidays (right now only the younger one lives with me and the other with his dad). But the one that lives with me wants little to do with his older brother. He’s mad at him for reasons unknown to me (but hopefully to his therapist). The older one doesn’t understand and complains that I baby the younger one. And it goes on and on….

To the monkey (mama) in the middle, each have valid points about the other brother and sometimes I really agree with him. But sometimes, they are wayyy off base about what they’re thinking and when I gently try to introduce ‘the other side’ I get shut down. Or yelled at or dismissed. So, I stay quiet. Ok, I get it. You’re not ready to hear it.

But I’m not looking forward to tomorrow when the older kid arrives because it could be mayhem. Or a fist fight. Or worse. Neither is in a good place mentally at the moment. Holidays amongst family can be stressful enough, but I’m unwilling to be anyone’s punching bag because they’re frustrated or hurt or mad. So, there may be a huge growth spurt that nobody’s prepared for coming when Mama backs out of the middle ground.

I’m going to take it as it comes. Speak my mind when necessary and hope for the best. Wish me luck please. I think I’ll need it.

In the meantime, I hope your families are all doing well!

Posted in midlife wisdom, Parenting Kids in their 20's, Single Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

I Learned Allowance

Posted on December 16, 2025 by janieleeds
Daily writing prompt
What skills or lessons have you learned recently?
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I know it sounds funny to say allowance and not mean the couple of bucks we got weekly for doing chores back in the day. (I am a GenX girl!) But what I’m getting at is just not trying to make everything better for everyone else as I usually do.

I guess this allowance is a mixed form of surrender, let them theory and just being present with what is no matter what it is….but always, always, always being true to myself.

Example: When the kids tell me something’s wrong, I have always tried to help them to find a solution. When they’re unhappy, I feel badly, drop everything and want to help. But I’ve come to realize this supermom attitude just made them weaker and not resilient. It hindered and not helped as I’d envisioned. I’m not going to be around forever to pick up their messes and make everything ok for them. Nope and suddenly…I don’t want to anymore.

The lesson learned here is to allow them (and everyone else) to feel however they feel and figure out solutions. I help when asked, but I no longer drop what I’m doing to swoop in to save the day. It’s a challenge as well as a change for us all. The older one’s not liking it, but that’s ok. Because that’s the other part of allowance for me.

Learning to live when people don’t like me.

I’m a people pleaser. Trained from birth that it was my job to make sure the family was ok and that all were happy no matter what. That’s the daughter’s job. My brother didn’t have to do that. I was supposed to and there were no ifs ands or buts about it. He got off scott free while I was frantic when anyone was unhappy and especially if they were unhappy with me! Yikes! That was like death to me. And then I married the favorite son of a highly narcissistic woman who loved how I’d been raised and raised the people pleasing bar even higher for me to climb for her son, herself and ‘the family’ empire.

Disaster. I never met expectations quite perfectly to her satisfaction, even though I tried with all my might. Eventually she turned on me and made me the whipping girl as punishment for not keeping her lying, cheating son happy when he was innately unhappy which as you might be able to surmise, nothing I could have done would have made a difference.

Damned if I do. Damned if I don’t make them happy. It matters not and somehow it’s taken more than 50 years to have it smack me in the face – the realization that none of them appreciate me. That the way they treat me is the way my older kid is treating me and I don’t deserve NOR like it. The only person who can change in this scenario is me and well, I’m changing. Embracing change finally….in this arena as well.

I’m a work in progress as you can probably tell. But I am a survivor and while I may go down every once in a while, I get back up again. I’m still here after all the mess I’ve endured and that’s a fact. I no longer want to play tug of war with people. Like me or don’t. I need to find myself again – the authentic girl without strings attached.

Here I go….come along with me if you want!

Posted in #womenofacertainage, divorce, finding happiness at 50, midlife wisdom, Parenting Kids in their 20's, Single Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments