“I Literally Hate the Word Literally”: A Warning Against Linguistic Hypocrisy
December 25, 2023
“I literally hate the word literally, but I’ll literally say it anyway
When talking about this one thing that bothers me in so many ways.”
Yeah, because that makes sense, right—saying a word you clearly hate
That’s lost its meaning, even when used right, which even you can’t debate?
That’s no better than watching a TV show you know deep down you despise
For its terrible writing and acting, yet you still offer it your eyes
Week after week, season after season, no doubt hoping it improves,
But time after time, it’s let you down and left you in a bad mood.
It’s no better than hating a comedian for his jokes so tacky and crude
That you buy a ticket to his show just to let him know just how rude
You think he is right to his face, booing and heckling him left and right,
If not storming the stage and getting arrested before you can start a fight.
It’s no better than buying a trashy book written by some overrated hack
Just so you can make an audio of yourself reading it front to back
For your listeners to hear, snickering all the while and otherwise criticizing
The tale, not knowing it’s the author’s wallet you’re helping in supersizing.
How blind and deaf can you be to such a double standard, my friend?
Don’t you know that if you dislike something, the only true way to end
Its popularity is to blow it off and not give it the time of day
While others follow suit to soon enough ensure the thing to fade away?
Trust me. I hate this “literally” craze, too, in my own way,
But unlike you, I’ve cast the term out of my regular vocab one day
And have dedicated myself ever since to using other adverbs
To clarify, illustrate, and emphasize what I mean with my other words
In my vain attempt to restore standard English as the language of choice
For the masses in this bedeviled century through writing or voice
While laziness and superficiality ensure that more verbal trends
Rear their ugly heads to muck things up more round the bitter bend.
That said, if you hate “literally” as an intensive so much,
Why not stop using it yourself to help kill the fad and such?
Don’t tell me, either, that at least you’re using it in a literal context,
For so did others before you, and the word’s figurative use came next,
Which eventually has led to the war we’ve been fighting year after year
Trying to give “literally” back it’s dignity, though we’re losing it, I fear,
And it’s no thanks to this double standard to which you and so any others
Have succumbed to in your own speech. Seriously! Knock it off, brother,
Because if you don’t, then this “literally” fad will never go away,
And folks like us who’re fed up with it will hear it ‘til our dying day,
What with generation after generation repeating it and such.
To think, too, that the way things are now already feels like too much!
You sure think so yourself, at least, what with the disclaimer you say
Before fueling your own pet peeve in a profoundly egregious way,
Making yourself look like a hypocrite in your gaucherie’s wake.
Take the hint and pay attention, then, to what you say, for Heaven’s sake.
Stop saying words you despise and lead by example in your speech
And writing if you want others to practice what you claim to preach,
And who knows? Maybe—just maybe—our language will change for the better.
Keep speaking as you’ve been, though, and we’re bound for stormier weather.
*****
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AuthorDustinWeber 