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Disney Pixar Films

I present to you every Disney Pixar film made (to date), listed in order of worst to best (in my humble opinion, of course).

Cars 2

cars 2

The movie was fun and adorably Disney, but not up to Pixar’s standards of warm, ooey, gooey mushy-ness that Pixar has been known to exude amongst kids of all ages.

Ratatouille

ratatouille

At a time when cute, fluffy penguins were the latest craze in movies (i.e. Happy Feet), Pixar decided to come out with a movie about rats.  Who can cook.  Really??

Cars

cars

It was a novel idea, I’ll give you that, and I do love me a good car race, but it just wasn’t good enough.  That and the knowledge that this was Paul Newman’s last film kind of ruins it for me.

Toy Story 2

toy story 2

There were three of these movies, so this was inevitably the most forgettable one.  That and Sarah Maclachlan’s song, “When She Loved Me,” was just too damn sad!  Compelling, yes, but oh my God! I couldn’t find any happiness for the rest of the day!

Toy Story

toy story

Ah yes, the movie that started it all.  Remember being blown away about how “realistic” the graphics were?  And Tom Hanks in a children’s movie after “Apollo 13,” “Forrest Gump” and “Philadelphia”??  Wow!!  And by wow, I mean, huh???

A Bug’s Life

a bugs life

It only makes sense that they follow up “Toy Story” with another “Day In the Life Of” movie about some creature that we all take for granted….and for good reason.  Hats off to Pixar for making creepy crawlers funny and loveable.

Monster’s University

monsters university

Pixar’s first prequel, and brilliantly done, I might say.  It is, however, very lacking in Boo.

Brave

brave

I love this movie.  I could listen to Merida read the phone book and never get tired of it

Monsters, Inc.

monsters inc

Funny, touching, clever, ingenious….everything you’d expect from Pixar.

And now comes the hard part….THE TOP FIVE.  And believe me, folks, this was tough.  So tough that I can be persuaded to have them all rearranged again……they are all that good!

Inside Out

inside out

This explains so much!  It all makes sense to me now….how we can go from one emotion to the next, how our feelings shape who we are and how we behave.  This was brilliant!

Finding Nemo

nemo

Dory made this movie.  She was so vital to this movie that they saw fit to make a sequel for her.

The Incredibles

incredibles

The Avengers have got nothing against The Incredibles!  The movie was stylized, intense (I’m talking about that scene in the airplane, of course), and entertaining.  For those who like a good character arc, this is your movie. It went from having four characters start from here and develop to waaay over there by the end of the movie.

Wall-E

wall-e

Trust Pixar to come up with their own version of a silent movie.

Up

up

Most movies save their gut-wrenching scenes toward the end when they know they’ve got their audience hooked.  But Pixar is not like any other movie studio. If you can get past the first 10 minutes of this movie and still want to watch the rest of it, then you’re guaranteed to love it the rest of your life.

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The Best Chick Flicks for Guys

Guys, these are movies you must see.  Not because your female partner is forcing you to. Not because I am forcing you to.  But because it’ll make you a well-rounded member of society.   Capisce?

This is listed in no particular order.

Say Anything

It’s John Cusack at his finest.  Hell, it’s every guy at his finest.  Insecure yet passionate.  Devoted yet not clingy.

When Harry Met Sally

If there is ever a classic chick flick guys must watch, it’s this movie.  It’s got Billy Crystal!  You’re sure to laugh!  And you should definitely pay attention to the “diner scene.”

The Wedding Singer

I hate to put Adam Sandler on any list, but to his credit, he wasn’t too bad in this movie.  It’s his first rom com and we can sort of take him seriously, too!  That and it’s got an awesome 80’s soundtrack.

Pretty In Pink

This is part of pop-culture.  You simply cannot call yourself a movie buff if you’ve never seen this 80’s classic.   And watching Jon Cryer lip sync to Otis Redding is well worth the price of the dvd rental.

Atonement

Yes, it’s a dramatic period piece.  Yes, it’s British.  And yes, the lead female role is not attractive (don’t argue with me, Keira Knightley is not attractive).  But this film adaptation is incredibly well done.

Hitch

This movie is hilarious!  There are some excellent dating advice being thrown down in this movie, so watch carefully and you might learn something.

10 Things I Hate About You

I’ve got two words for you: Heath.  Ledger.

‘Nuff said.

The American President

You thought dating was hard?  Try being the leader of the most powerful country in the world!  What guy wouldn’t wonder what it’d be like to be in that position?  That and I know most guys love Aaron Sorkin, so this wouldn’t waste 114 minutes of your life.  Trust me.

And finally, the ultimate chick flick that EVERYONE should watch:

The Princess Bride

Don’t be fooled by the words “princess” and “bride” in the title.  This movie’s got fencing, fighting, torture, revenge, giants, monsters, chases, escapes, true love, miracles…..it’s got everything!  It’s not a kissing movie, although I’m sure one day, you guys wouldn’t mind so much.  😉

And women love this movie because it teaches guys the only three words we ever want to hear from guys.

“Honey, can you do the dishes?”
“As you wish.”

I seriously tried to come up with 10 movies.  As it is, I think I was pushing the definition of “chick flick” for some of these.  There are, of course, movies that are not on this list that I absolutely love (e.g. “Once,” “While You Were Sleeping,” “Love Actually“), but I wouldn’t inflict them on my guy friends if they weren’t already compelled to do so on their own.

Hope you enjoyed the list and as always, I welcome any feedback!

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Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 2

Keep in mind that I never read the book and considering my pure hatred of this movie franchise, I never will!   I have a lot of questions that I’m sure the novels would’ve answered sufficiently, but the movie didn’t see fit to answer, so that’s strike one.

SPOILER ALERT!

Every-freaking-one has gone on and on about that “twist” at the end of the movie, so I waited eagerly for it.  Imagine my surprise when, at the end, all the movie did was start the credits.  Where was this so-called twist?!?  If you mean that cop out where they showed a fierce battle but it turned out to be just an image of what would have happened if they fought, then thank you for wasting my time!  Wouldn’t it have been more compelling if the future was allowed to happen, then the Volturi would’ve been destroyed and the first hour of the movie with all its anxiety and tension about the battle would not have been in vain!!   That’s strike two.

I haven’t seen my favorite pie-man in years and he shows up this time as a sparkly vampire?!??  I’m talking about Garrett, the vampire who claims to have been in every American war.  He was played by Lee Pace, the unfortunately gifted pie-man in my favorite show “Pushing Daisies.”  Granted, it’s not a strike, but it’s enough to piss me off.  So let’s just call that a foul ball.

Kristen Stewart.   Strike three!!

With that said, though, I invite anyone who claims to have liked this movie to give me their reasons for liking it.  I’m not looking for a debate, so don’t be afraid that I’ll shoot you down.  I am honestly curious to know why you enjoyed it.  Join the discussion and I promise to keep an open mind.  Who knows?  You just might be able to convert me.  🙂

Ps.   I want it to go on record  that I didn’t see this movie on the big screen.  $1 for the dvd rental is all the money this movie is going to take from me.

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The Artist

It’s so refreshing to watch a black and white movie at a multiplex.   I felt a sense of pride as I walked past the long line of people waiting to see the latest 3D atrocity (in tonight’s case, “Star Wars: Episode I – Phantom Menace”).

The beginning of the movie reminded me so much of “Singing in the Rain.”   Jean Dujardin even kind of looks like Gene Kelly.  It was a little odd at first to watch a movie with no dialogue, but then the story was easy enough to tell.

I really enjoyed the movie but I don’t think it’s a strong contender for Best Picture this year.   To be honest, I think the movie was nominated because it dared to defy a blockbuster-driven, 3D-crazed industry.  Even Scorsese made a 3D flick!  But then again, Scorsese did a phenomenal job of it, he deserved the nomination for “Hugo.”

Of course, I have been wrong before.

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The Twilight Saga: Eclipse

Bestest movie ever ever ever ever ever ever!!  
 
Seriously though, what the hell?!???  There was nothing good about this movie!  In fact, the best part of the movie was when it ended!!
 
Bella is a terrible, terrible actress.  That gagging, choking bit she does when she’s emotional onscreen cannot be construed as acting, cause if that’s the case, I should’ve won an Oscar a long time ago. 
 
The love triangle is just laughable, and when Bella yelled out, “Enough, okay from now on I’m Switzerland!”, I thought that was the best line of the movie! 
 
Oh, and when she came back to Edward after making out with Jacob, Edward said to Bella, “You love him.”  I half expected Bella to reply, “But I love you the mostest!”
 
Augh, there were so many things wrong with this movie!  The sad thing is, I’ll probably watch the next movie in the saga.  Gad, help me!
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Toy Story 3

Hands down, this is the best movie in the trilogy.  It is also the most mature, considering there are dozens of cute and cuddly toys in it.   That doesn’t mean it’s lost any of its charm and sense of humor.  If anything, I’m impressed at how easily the movie can swing from being really funny to being really emotional!  I nearly cried several times!

To me, though, one of the best parts was when they introduced the toy named, “Chuckles,” the clown.  I damn near peed my pants from laughing!!  But then they went into his story and next thing you know I’m all verklempt and could barely keep it together! 

Definitely a must see.  It’s amazing that Disney/Pixar keeps perfecting their movies.  They never compromise on the quality of the animation nor the quality of the story.  I mean, it’s a story about toys, for Pete’s sake!  Who would’ve thunk it’d be such a big hit?!?

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Robin Hood

At first I thought this was going to be a remake of “The Gladiator,” only this time it takes place in England.  It had the same feel, the same drama and action, but this is defnitely not a Gladiator remake.  Neither is it a rehash of the oft-told story of Robin Hood.  Oh no, I think it’s much better!  Yeah, I know!  I was surprised too!

Russell Crowe is a decent Robin Hood.  I think he went to a lot of trouble downplaying the character, and considering what a big production this movie must’ve been, I’d say he deserves a lot of credit for doing so. 

The other supporting players were very well played too, with the exception of Prince John (played by Oscar Isaac).  I think he went a little overboard. 

I noticed there was a lot of spitting going on.  The  more they spat the more they over-acted.  Kind of reminded me of Joey Tribbiani getting acting lessons from a very drunk Gary Oldman.  Well, Prince John spat the most and therefore over-acted the most. 

I think the best way I could sum up this movie was that I was very surprised that I enjoyed it.  Do not make the same mistake I did by comparing this movie with the Kevin Costner version, “Robin Hood Prince of Thieves.”  They are nothing alike.  I did, however, compare it to “Robin Hood: Men in Tights,” and somehow, it kind of worked.  🙂

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Prince of Persia

I’m usually pretty good about predicting how good a movie is based on the previews.   Sure, I’ve been wrong in the past, but that’s beside the point.  I was annoyed beyond belief at how wrong I was about this movie!  I want my money and my time back, Disney! 

The movie was predictable, ridiculous, and a downright waste of time.  I know it’ll please the masses, cause that’s how it was designed.  But not  me.  Maybe by watching the movie I was given the gift of seeing into the future (as opposed to the gift of time-travelling to the past, made possible in the movie through the magic of sand and a bejeweled dagger), or maybe I’m just really, really good, but I could see what was going to happen in the movie long before it actually happened.  There were no surprises, there was nothing new about this movie that hasn’t been done thousands of times before, and with much more finesse, I might add. 

The characters, mainly Jake Gyllenhaal, were so underwhelming, I was bored and annoyed with them.  I didn’t feel any kind of chemistry between the two main characters at all.  Instead of looking like would-be lovers, they looked more like squabbling siblings.  

The story was mildly interesting, but ruined by poor dialogue and terrible delivery.  I never played the video game this movie was based on, so I don’t know how well the adaptation was.  I read that of all the video game adaptations ever made, this was the best one, which doesn’t say much of this movie genre.  But if they ever come out with a “Call of Duty” adaptation, I’m sure I’d be the first in line to see it.

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Shrek Forever After

“The Final Chapter”?  I say, finally!  I mean, dear God, how much more of this could we take?!?  The first Shrek was hi-larious, the second slightly less so.  The more Shrek movies they made, the less  hilarious it got.  Until finally, you get to the last chapter and you’re left with a few chuckles and a fond farewell to characters that have run out of funny juice. 

There were a few laughs, unfortunately those were already shown in the previews.  So, if you want to see this movie, go see the preview and save yourself $15.

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A Nightmare on Elm Street

Ugh, I can’t believe I actually went to see this movie.  This was terrible!  Not that the original was any better, frankly the story is so old, so overdone that I’m surprised they made a remake. 

I think it’s because I’m a little bit older that this movie didn’t scare me quite like it did the original.  I remember having nightmares from the first movie.  Then again, it doesn’t take much to give me nightmares.  This movie was scary, yes, but not nightmarishly so.   I kept thinking of the Simpsons Tree House of Horror version of this movie, and how excellent Groundskeeper Willie was as Freddy Krueger.  I think you’d be much better off watching the Simpsons take on this movie.