B. M. Lustol shares her journey from struggle to strength, inviting readers to reflect on their own path toward healing, purpose, and faith. Whether you’re a believer or simply seeking meaning, this book offers a mirror to your soul and a call for deeper understanding.
When fitted together, our lives are shown to be resilient in the face of adversities, like shattered pieces of glass.
THE MEMOIR
This memoir includes 50 chapters. Part One. It includes 18 chapters, with themes such as:
First Impressions
Thanksgiving
Blinded by Love
Darkness vs. Light
Obstacles in the Way
Part Two includes 32 chapters, and explores topics such as:
Would You Follow Your Shepherd’s Call?
Drawing Meaning from Words
Growth Enhanced Through Friendships
The Psychoanalysis of Unconscious Thoughts
Recognized Steps to Healing
Death Finalizes Our Crossover
BOOK ORDER
The book can be purchased on Dorrance Publishing Company’s website at
THOUGHTS moves to action, Action produces results, and with the results comes consequences for good or bad.
We need to filter our thoughts. Thoughts that trigger negative emotions. When we encounter actions of others that provoke negative thoughts which move to express actions, one then need to grab a hold of self, to control out-burst of actions that will lead to bad conclusions. Being patient with self as you ponder the action of others will lead to good conclusions on both sides. War is with those who do not see the impeding danger of their actions. Selfishness has tied itself around them and the end is not good even for those who are innocent.
The Canadian truckers protest is an example of what happens when sight is blinded, and passion over rules logic. The situation offers a reminder of the fragility of the global supply chains to and from businesses that eventually affects individuals; and of the deep interdependence of the U.S. and Canadian economies, which exchange millions in imports and exports daily.
This pandemic and the Public Health restrictions that came with it, have brought together a number of disparate movements and ideologies. And though the mandate applies to truckers crossing the U.S. border and not all truckers, “some are taking sides with the truckers’ convoy as has one Paul Aubue, a 64-year-old grandfather of a trucking company protesting the recent vaccine mandate and the vaccine passport.”
Locals who are frustrated, fed up, and at times in fear of leaving their homes are against the sustained protest. “One local who give her name as Jennifer was called “”’a dumb cunt sheep’”” for wearing a mask says, “”I’m just done with those people.””
And that is what some siding with the convoy protesting wants—fear; fear, that will deter the actions of logic to good health, and back to a thriving economy.
The government’s drastic measures are a sad one. But, at times to inject order and peace, drastic measures must be taken. The truckers’ play on words of Trudeau’s father, is shallow thinking.
Let’s face it: the world of shopping has changed dramatically. Those days are gone when a simple purchase meant hours spent wandering store aisles. Shoppers hunted for that perfect outfit, appliance, or accessory. Today, with just a few clicks, you can browse every department imaginable. You can fulfill your desires in under an hour. There’s no need to brave the crowds or sacrifice an entire afternoon. In fact, recent studies show that over 76% of consumers now prefer online shopping for its convenience and speed.
Two weeks before Christmas, I decided to treat myself—a reward for surviving a year of mental fatigue. My mission: replace an entertainment unit that refused to cooperate. The tape recorder was mysteriously sabotaged by the “unseen ghost” of technology. Of course, I also needed a pair of boots to brave the winter chill. According to industry data, the holiday season accounts for nearly 30% of annual online retail sales. It is one of the busiest times for digital shoppers everywhere.
But as I soon discovered, shopping online during the holidays is not for the faint of heart. My experience ranged from staggered deliveries to puzzling product manuals. The quest for the perfect fit added to the whirlwind of anticipation and frustration. Ultimately, it led to business-like decision-making. So, get ready, my friends, as I take you through the highs and lows of my online shopping adventure. I am armed with stats and stories. Plus, I have a dash of humour.
The Search – Clicking Through Choices
The adventure began with a clear mission. I needed to replace my entertainment unit and tape recorder. Additionally, I aimed to purchase a pair of earphones for my phone and find the perfect pair of winter boots. But as any online shopper knows, the digital marketplace is a labyrinth. With over 2.14 billion people shopping online globally, competition for the best deals is fierce, and options are endless.
I dove into my favorite shopping site, armed with determination and a cup of tea. The entertainment unit was easy enough to spot, but the tape recorder. That was a different beast. Modern models seemed to require a computer science degree just to operate. I scrolled, filtered, and compared. I was aware that 70% of shoppers compare prices across at least three platforms before making a purchase. The boots, meanwhile, presented a classic online dilemma: sizing. 30% of online apparel returns are due to incorrect fit, and I was determined not to become another statistic.
After a whirlwind of tabs and reviews, I made my selections, feeling both triumphant and slightly anxious. Would these products live up to their online promise? Only time—and delivery—would tell.
Decision-Making – Reviews, Ratings, and Realities
With my virtual cart loaded, it was time to make some decisions. Price was not a factor, but the reviews and delivery times were. According to recent surveys, 88% of consumers trust online reviews as much as personal recommendations. I pored over feedback from fellow shoppers, searching for clues about product quality and reliability.
The entertainment unit had glowing reviews. The tape recorder received mixed feedback. Opinions about the boots were divided. I weighed the pros and cons, considered the return policies, and finally hit “Buy Now.” The checkout process was smooth. However, I noticed the abundance of upsells and add-ons. It’s no wonder that cart abandonment rates hover around 70% globally.
The Purchase – Checkout and Delivery Drama
The thrill of purchase quickly gave way to the waiting game. My items arrived on different days, each delivery bringing its own set of surprises. The entertainment unit was perfect, but the tape recorder left me scratching my head. The manual suggested I needed to visit a special website for the diskette instructions. This was a far cry from the simple, button-operated device I’d hoped for.
The boots, meanwhile, were a lesson in online shopping humility. Despite previous success with shoe purchases, neither pair fit as expected. I had to cancel and reorder, hoping for a better outcome. It’s a common tale returns and exchanges account for nearly 20% of all online purchases, with footwear leading the pack.
Post-Purchase Reflections: Lessons in Shopping, Strategy, and a Dash of Humor
After the whirlwind of online shopping, I took a moment to reflect on my recent purchases. The entertainment unit? A clear victory! The tape recorder? Let’s call it a strategic compromise. And the boots—well, those were a masterclass in patience and persistence.
Fast shipping was a definite win. It’s no surprise. Industry data shows that 60% of shoppers are more likely to buy again when delivery is quick. Speed matters!
But here’s the real takeaway: online shopping is a delightful blend of convenience and challenge. It demands optimism, a healthy dose of skepticism, and the flexibility to adapt when things don’t go as planned. When my reorder arrived, I eagerly tried on both boots. One fit was almost perfect, but the other… let’s just say my right foot had a different opinion.
Saturday’s Congregation: Boots, Blessings, and Bus Schedules
The right foot is a wider fit than the left.
To celebrate my new winter boots, I decided their first outing would be to the Kingdom Hall. Of course, no adventure is complete without a neighborly interruption—this time, a mystery about a doll left at her door. After a quick clarification (and a friendly “Have a great day!”), I was off—only to find the buses weren’t running my way. A taxi saved the day, but I arrived just in time for the closing remarks of the Public Talk.
The Watch Tower session was a poignant reminder of life’s changes, challenges, and the wisdom that comes with age. As the articles were read, my new boots began to feel less like a blessing. They started to feel more like a sauna for my feet. By the end, I was ready to bid farewell to both the congregation and the boots.
A Word to the Wise (and the Forces at Play)
Returning the boots became a mission. Instead of heading straight home, I made a quick stop for toothpaste—a subtle, diplomatic message to the universe. Once home, I investigated the boots and discovered the culprit: the left boot was slightly wider than the right. Mystery solved! Unfortunately, since they’d been worn, returning them might be a challenge. Another stressful situation with someone on the production line that the forces are moving to frustrate my life.
Business Insight – The E-Commerce Boom
My personal adventure is just one story in the vast tapestry of global e-commerce. The numbers speak for themselves: global online sales are projected to reach $8.1 trillion by 2026. Businesses are investing heavily in user experience, logistics, and customer service to keep pace with ever-rising expectations.
For shoppers, the message is clear: embrace the digital revolution but stay savvy. Read the reviews, check the sizing charts, and don’t be afraid to return what doesn’t work. After all, in the world of online shopping, the customer truly is king—and the stats prove it.
Stress on Our Brain – The Cost of Immaturity
My shopping adventures and daily interactions have ended. It was important to recognize the toll that stress and immaturity can take on our well-being. The brain, our personal storehouse of resilience and vitality, is both robust and fragile. Just as a store eventually runs out of products and must close shop, our minds too need rest and replenishment. According to health studies, chronic stress affects nearly 77% of adults, leading to emotional exhaustion and physical symptoms.
Small conflicts and frustrations accumulate over time. Whether from a botched online purchase or a heated debate, they send signals to our nervous system. If we ignore these signs and continue unchecked, the damage can become difficult, if not impossible, to repair. Calming down after stress is very challenging. The brain must exert extra effort to heal the areas most affected by pain and anxiety.
The Impact of Immature Actions
We’ve all encountered individuals who, despite initial attraction or promise, reveal a mindset stuck in childish patterns. They debate every word and are unable to discern right from wrong. They perpetuate conflict. As much as we may wish to help or change them, true growth only comes from within. Research shows that immature behavior in adults contributes to increased workplace conflict. It also reduces team productivity by up to 40%.
This mental immaturity often leads to wars, arguments, and ongoing strife. It causes harm to others. It also causes harm to ourselves. Without balance and self-awareness, the damage can ripple through relationships, communities, and even our own sense of purpose.
A Business Perspective on Personality Traits
We are all inheritors of certain personality traits, and understanding them is key to personal and professional growth:
Narcissism: Reflects your self-image, confidence, and need for recognition. High awareness of this trait can help you manage relationships and ambition more effectively.
Machiavellianism: Measures your strategic thinking, pragmatism, and ability to influence. Recognizing this tendency allows you to use your ambition wisely without hurting others.
Psychopathy: Looks at impulsivity, emotional depth, and risk-taking behavior. Understanding this trait can help you improve decision-making and emotional control in critical moments.
The Call for Maturity and Mindfulness
As I close this journey, the message is clear. Whether shopping online or navigating life’s challenges, maturity and mindfulness are essential. The choices we make—big or small—shape not only our own wellbeing but also the world around us. We can avoid the pitfalls of immaturity by recognizing our tendencies and managing stress. By striving for growth, we build a more balanced, resilient future.
Ready to turn your own shopping adventures into success stories? Embrace the journey—research your purchases, celebrate the wins, and don’t be afraid to return what doesn’t fit (literally or figuratively)! Share your own lessons learned, and let’s keep the conversation—and the laughter—going. Your next great find is just a click away!
Thanks for spending time with me. Until my next post, have yourselves a peaceful day.
New Year’s Day greeted me with an unusual quiet. When I stepped outside to feed the birds, not one was in sight. The stillness felt almost symbolic—like the calm before a storm. I went back inside and decided it was a day best spent at home.
As I reflected on the quiet, a moment in the Bible came to mind. It was when Jesus’ disciples asked about the signs of the last days. The more I thought about it, the more I realized Scripture has left us many clues. These are breadcrumbs of clarity scattered throughout its pages.
I considered the early calendars. Genesis chapters seven and eight point to a year that began in what we now call February. The Roman calendar, reformed by Julius Caesar in 46 BC, originally had ten months. After Jerusalem fell in 70 AD and the Jews were scattered, the Roman Empire imposed the Julian calendar. But even that system didn’t align perfectly with the seasons. To understand why the Jewish New Year falls between September and October, one must look at their original calendar. In that calendar, the first month—called Abib or Nisan—aligned with the lunar cycle and agricultural seasons. This timing roughly corresponds to March. Jesus’ words in Mark 13 indicate signs. Revelation 21 talks about promised changes. Ecclesiastes 1:10-11 offers timeless reflections. The signs have always been there.
People, too, leave signs—small gestures, habits, and contradictions that reveal what they truly feel or fear. As an author, I’ve learned this through my own writing. Some speak from truth, but many speak from survival, ego, or fear. The overly kind may be terrified of rejection. The strong may be quietly falling apart, as I learned from reading my late sister’s diary. Often, people aren’t hiding from us—they’re hiding from themselves. The masks they wear aren’t lies but survival tools, shaped by a world that punishes honesty and rewards polished illusions.
If you pay attention, repeated habits—avoidance, overworking, flirtation, emotional distance—are confessions in disguise. When you learn to listen to patterns rather than words, truth reveals itself long before it’s spoken. And once you see beyond the mask, empathy replaces judgment, and honesty becomes easier to practice.
What irritates us in others’ dishonesty, arrogance, and lack of self-control often reflects something within ourselves. So, stand for truth. Speak against violence. With age comes the wisdom to see what younger minds frequently miss. We begin to understand people’s indifference, their wounds, and the parts of themselves they abandoned long ago. Sometimes, when someone attacks you without cause, it’s because they see something in you they admire. They believe they cannot embody this admirable trait.
Of course, aging also reminds us that strength fades. Wisdom, then, is knowing when to step forward—and when to gracefully bow out. Ideally, before your joints file an official complaint.
2026, I am here hoping the year has found you, my readers, experiencing renewed hope. Thank you for reading.
As I reflect on the year about to end, I would like to thank everyone on WordPress. Your posts have enlightened and encouraged me.
Each of us are gifted in our own way, as First Corinthians 7:7 has stated. We share our experiences, ideas, and encouragement. This helps each other to heal and to grow. It allows us to move forward, as Corinthians 14:26 states. I am grateful and appreciative. I especially thank a few of you. Your posts have educated me. They have encouraged me and brought tears of laughter to my eyes.
Ms. Angera Muses, whose historical posts on IDEA NEEDS COLLECTIVE THOUGHTS, DON’T TELL THEM, SHOW THEM, ALWAYS A WAY IF YOU ARE COMMITTED, offer encouragement. They inspire you to move forward, believing in yourself and your dreams despite others’ negative opinions. Thank you.
Mr. Mitch Teemely, whose posts of encouragement and laughter from life experiences, uplifted my days. Thank you.
Mr. Sebastian Stead, whose photographs have taken me to places I never thought of being. Thank you.
Ms. Grace Blakiston, whose personal shares move me to reflect on my own family gatherings and love affairs. Thank you.
Lastly, to those who contributed to how to add new add-ons, and better use of WordPress. Thank you.
As I look at the time remaining before the start of a new year. The clock on the desk also needs to be set to reflect the change of the season. It reminds me that as humans, we too must reset. We need to reset our minds on how we will approach and perform in the new year.
There’s so much uncertainty. Uncertainty of wars, people’s mental state to adapt, unaffordable housing, high cost of food, and scarcity of jobs. These uncertainties have made me fearful. They do anxiously as I prepare to face a new year. The year is beginning more advanced than the previous one. I do wonder what disastrous effect the good intention of AI creation will have on humanity.
Time keeps on ticking, and it moves forward. Very soon, you and I will welcome the beginning of a new chapter of twelve. This is in a book of three hundred and sixty-five days. My wish is to be here with everyone. We will continue to encourage, enlighten, and uplift one another.
To everything there is a season. There is a time to every purpose under the heaven. A time to be born, and a time to die. A time to plant, and a time to reap.
–Old Testament, Ecclesiastes, 3:1-8
Time goes, you say? Ah no! Alas, Time stays, we go. -Austin Dobson, The Paradox of Time
Catch then, oh catch the transient hour; Improve each moment as it flies! Life’s a short Summer, man a flower; He dies—alas! How soon he dies. -Samuel Johnson, Winter: An Ode
Alas! How swift the moments fly! How flash the years along! Scarce here, yet gone already by, The burden of a song. Observe childhood, youth, and manhood pass. Witness age with a furrowed brow. Time was—Time shall be. Drain the glass. But where in Time is now? -John Quincy Adams, The Hourglass.
Dreams are expressions of the spiritual realm and a bridge between the tangible and the intangible. They are the beginnings of realities. They reflect our past truths, illusions, and wild fantasies. They also mirror anticipations, irrational thoughts, experiences, and even telepathic visions. Dreams can encourage us, warn us, or reveal a direction we are taking that may not be worthwhile.
It is important to become aware of the spiritual world. Just as there are people in the physical world who do not have your best interest at heart. So it is in the spiritual world.
A true story from a Facebook friend inspired this post. One day, she noticed a single weed growing through the artificial grass she had laid in her yard. Her interpretation was that sometimes, where one’s growth begins is not necessarily where one is meant to remain. Insightful indeed — but there is even more to that moment.
Sometimes, growth among those who do not understand you becomes a disadvantage. Yet life is for each of us to learn as we grow. From that one “odd” sprout, those around it can learn how to adapt and survive. Before artificial grass is laid, the soil is usually tilled. That lone seed had been waiting beneath the surface. When conditions aligned, it sprouted — deceived by its environment yet still determined to grow.
This brings me to the last days. Jesus Christ foretold that apostasy would not overtake the entire body of Christians. The true, loyal ones would be like wheat among weeds, as described in Matthew 13. When the disciples asked if they should pull up the weeds, Jesus said no. He advised against it, lest the wheat be uprooted with them. Growth happens even in environments that seem unfavorable, and God allows certain things for our development.
This returns us to dreams.
Sometimes our dreams reveal themselves in our waking life. I remember my indoor plant — Golden Devil’s Ivy — which grows even in harsh conditions. When my cousin Petal died, a mushroom appeared in the pot for the first time in years. I thought it was a sign. Later, when my Aunt Ismay passed, I found a long black strand of hair in my sink that wasn’t mine. Again, I thought it was a sign — or someone had entered my apartment.
Years later, with clarity and spiritual maturity, I understood whose sign it was. It certainly was not from the true God. When God gives a sign, it is confirmed, repeated, and aligned with His character. The mushroom never returned after I removed it. This is a reminder that the dead do not speak to the living, as Ecclesiastes 9:5 states. Satan, a deceiver from the beginning, continues to deceive today. Friends, do not be misled or mislead others. Know the world you live in. Be aware of your surroundings and the people you associate with.
INTERPRETATION AND MIRACLES
Just as my friend sought clarity about her weed, I sought clarity about mushrooms. Mushrooms do not grow from seeds; they reproduce through microscopic spores carried by wind, water, or animals. When these spores land in the right environment, they form mycelium. This is the hidden body of the fungus. It eventually produces mushrooms.
Now consider this spiritually: Plants grow and decay. In dreams, plants often symbolize life and death, rebirth, and progression. Something in your life may be changing. And from the beginning, God has used plant growth as a sign.
This brings us to the miracles.
In the days of Moses, God used a miraculous sign to reveal who He had chosen. The leaders of each tribe placed their staffs before the Ark. By morning, Aaron’s staff — a dead piece of wood — had sprouted, budded, blossomed, and even produced almonds. This was God’s unmistakable sign of approval, life emerging where life should not have been. A divine confirmation.
So yes — plant growth can symbolize divine favor, new beginnings, or the unfolding of God’s purpose.
Share this post with someone who may be grieving this season. They may be misled into thinking their loved one is communicating with them through signs. Help them understand the difference between divine reassurance and spiritual deception.
Thank you for reading. Have a safe and meaningful holiday wherever you go.
Dear readers, as promised, I share with you this week’s reflection from Until My Dying Day, Chapter 31.
There are a few things in life that are assured. The air we breathe is assured. The rising and setting of the sun is certain. The beauty of the different moons that light our world. Death is also inevitable. These are gifts some have been blessed to enjoy before that final breath.
December, the month, many around the globe celebrate love. Love for life preserved to see another year’s end, and love remembered for those no longer present. It is a season of reflection—on the past, the present, and the future. For some, it is a time of hope that the year ahead will be brighter. For others, it is a time to think more deeply on the Word of God.
I share Chapter 31 with those who, like myself, feel the weight of loss. This comes during a season when others rejoice with loved ones. Still, we are reminded of God’s promise: there will be a resurrection of the dead to judgment. As written in John 5:24–28 and Revelation 20:5, some will be reunited with their loved ones again. So, let us rejoice in the promise set before us, with hope strengthened by faith.
CHAPTER 31 – DEATH, FINALIZES OUR CROSSOVER
THE YEAR WAS 2016. I arrived home from the Kingdom Hall, changed into my house clothing, and began to clean the unit. Suddenly, I fluffed as though the corpse plant had bloomed. On Monday morning, the phone begins to ring. Recently, a sense of fear comes over me when it does. Most of my immediate family members are aged. Life in this chaotic world is short-lived for many.
“Hi Paula,” Veronica’s voice was heard at the other end. “Petal passed away this morning.”
“No, she passed yesterday. As I was cleaning….” I explained, and whether Veronica believed or not, my experience warned me of something about to occur.
This the month of June. The morning started on the cool side when I got into the taxi heading to Union Station. After about half an hour of waiting for the train, it arrived. I boarded and got a comfortable seat by the window. Ten minutes later, it was on its way to New York. An hour into the journey, Veronica is called. She is inform I am on my way and the time the train is scheduled to arrive. I had much time to think about how to present God’s word about the resurrection hope. The books of Numbers and Deuteronomy came back forcefully to review. Deuteronomy 28 stood out consciously concerning the questions directed to my Heavenly Father. The Bible was open, and scriptures were sighted. Once I was done, it gave me the words I would say. I took a notepad out of my bag. I began to write my thoughts with acknowledgment of all in attendance.
Once again, traffic moved back and forth at the station. People came and went as others like me stood awaiting our pick-up companion. I waited for quite some time before the man of interest would arrive. I wondered if the woman across from me was waiting for the same individual. We exchanged a few phone calls, trying to understand the delay. I was informed that traffic outside was chaotic. I found this the case when I got outside the station. He waited for parking, so another call was made to my sister, letting her know of the situation. Finally, parked adjacent to the station, he ran over and embraced me with a kiss on the cheeks. Attention is noted how tall he is. Somehow, he seems to have grown a few inches. It is said that growth in height stops after one has passed thirty years. Even with the heels worn, I felt uncomfortable. It was not a love connection, as faults are overlooked. He picked up my bags and led the way to the car.
New York, New York, is truly a city that never sleeps. Getting on the right road back to my destination was difficult as cars and people made it difficult. It was early in the morning. We were a few hours away from the break of dawn. The city looked as if people were on their way to a nine-to-five job. Now that we were on the right track toward our destination, the conversation resumed. It picked up where it left off before I travelled back to Canada. He was a bit hungry, and I wanted to have a Long Island Iced Tea. So we stopped at one of his favorite restaurants. I was quite pleased with the drink served. I was so pleased I ordered another Long Island Iced Tea. This got me into a mental state I wanted to be in—relaxed. We talked for a while, and then the decision to leave was agreed on. On the way home, the conversation geared off track of mentally stimulated interest. Under the circumstances, he tried to make the meeting a pleasant one, to that it was.
During their occasional meetings, I struggled to understand the relationship between Veronica and him when he came to the home. During those rare times he visited, it was unclear to me how they were connected. It seems his indebtedness would cost him. This would happen if he made the mistake of disrespecting their program. Whatever that is, I did not want to be caught in the middle.
Jobs are hard to get. I know this from my own circumstances. However, there is so much a person can do when they have more resources than the average person. So, when some are constantly with an excuse, such as in his case, “If I don’t sell, I don’t get paid.” I wonder why not seek another that would pay when you work. Not doing so is just another excuse to sit around for a handout. In addition, anyone who cannot control and maintain their responsibility is assured to lean more on their partner to carry their load. I have been carrying my load as long as I have been on my own. I have also helped a few along the way in my life. Not even taking advantage of the year-end Income Tax—dependencies portion to recoup some funds. And has not even received an award for the care given to some. During one of our conversations, he is informed of my knowledge of my sister’s situation with him, and do not want to be caught in the middle.
After pondering the information given, Veronica’s explanation made no sense. The funds received were enough to take him to court. Whether she recoups past payments or not, she will be given a time when he must leave the premises. The premises occupied by another, who would help her manage her financial debt by the end of each month. Some do believe in karma—what goes around comes around. This said, in time, it does. My last conversation months after returning to Canada ended with me hanging up. His comment was either meant for my ears or directed to someone in the office. However, the call not returned spoke volumes; I never did call again, and neither did he.
Finally, the day of the funeral embraced us, sunny and hot. With directions from Alice, we all got into the car to make it to the church on time. However, delayed due to Veronica’s nervousness, we were finally on our way. Once within the neighborhood and with much driving done, “Are you sure you got the address correct?” asks Veronica.
A moment of surprise and excitement stirred the room as family members noticed each other. We embraced and kissed. It was not difficult to notice where most eyes were focused. On the far corner, where the noise came as we joined the line heading towards the coffin. The service had ended by the time we arrived. I was left holding the paper of thoughts I wanted to give. This happened because of the delay in finding the church’s location.
Everything happens for a reason; sometimes, words are best left unsaid. According to Monica and Veronica, “It is her day. What you have written seems to be focusing on you.” This was not my intention. I figure they missed the point. However, I was happy that I got a chance to see her once more before they laid her to rest. Veronica declined to go to the burial site as the distance was quite far. Instead, we drove home after picking up some West Indian food from her favorite restaurant.
DEATH
Afraid? Of whom am I afraid? Not Death, for who is he? The porter of my father’s lodge.
For I will one day say, Death, where is your sting? No more will I hear their cry.
As much abashed me. –B. M. Lustol, Time and Eternity
The New Jerusalem is mentioned in Revelation 21:5. There, HE says: Look, I am making all things new. In verse seven, he states: Anyone conquering will inherit these things.
I know there’s a belief that the dead continue to live. This is not so. Whether you live in both worlds, that of the physical and spiritual, our lives end at death. We understand life ends as we know it. As we are laid to rest until HE resurrects us from the dead, as stated in Revelation 20:5,6. When we die, our breath goes out and all thoughts perish (Psalms 145:4). Therefore, with all our energy, we must pursue our dreams (Ecclesiastes 9). As each one lives doing unto others as they would like done to them. And for the believers, live the ten commandments as you express yourself in the areas calling to exercise justice.
As stated in Chapter Six, the end of this world has another eight hundred and ninety-three years left as of 2021. Time to live, learn and leave behind. However, God can end it as he wishes. He did so in the past [the account of our history in Genesis 7:11-24]. A God known to be a spirit of His word [performance at Genesis 9:11-17] guides us to a conclusion. We can fix the mess we have created on this planet. Alternatively, we may allow the planet to destroy us with its toxicity and gases.
Time is given to live, learn, and leave behind. Whether the world has centuries left or only moments, God holds the power to end or renew. As history shows in Genesis 7:11–24, He is faithful to His word.
Not the full chapter, but thank you for reading. My memoir, Until My Dying Day, is available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and through Dorrance Publishing, www.dorrancebookstore.com
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✨ Author’s Reflection: The Meaning Behind the Title
Part two – Chapter 2 – Would You Follow Your Shepherd’s Call?
This chapter explores moments when the mind and body drift apart—when we move through life unaware, disconnected, or confused. The title, Would You Follow Your Shepherd’s Call?, is not just a spiritual question—it’s a psychological one. It asks whether we are attuned to the voice that guides us, whether divine, intuitive, or internal. It challenges us to think about being lost, asleep, or overwhelmed. Do we recognize the call to return to ourselves during these times?
In this chapter, I share firsthand experiences of disorientation and panic. There are moments when my body moved without my awareness. There were also times when memory failed me. These are not just physical events—they are metaphors for the human condition.
One evening—my first at the residence—I had an out-of-body experience. As I lay sleeping, I felt my force leaving my body. I could see myself lying in bed as I exited through the window beside me. Yes, this is truth. How could I doubt Rudolf? I was not on drugs—no marijuana, no alcohol. It was real.
Another incident occurred during a winter month while I was working the evening shift at a bakery through an agency. During a break, I moved my phone from my back pocket to the front. I wanted to avoid sitting on it. I did the same with my keys. Minutes later, I went to the washroom to tidy up before returning to the floor. As I pulled down my jeans, I noticed the keys were missing. Panic rose. I checked the toilet, the floor—nothing. After using the washroom, I rushed back to the lunchroom. No keys. The woman who had sat nearby hadn’t seen them. I informed the supervisor, and together we searched everywhere. Near the end of the shift, I was called to the manager’s office. He reviewed the cameras and confirmed everything I’d described—except what happened in the washroom.
He suggested checking the garbage bins. Why would someone throw away keys? I thought. After he left, I returned to the washroom, checked the bin, my coat pockets, even asked others to notify management if they found a set of keys. As I left the washroom, I felt something near the lower front of my foot. I reached down—it was the keys.
Had I forgotten moving them? No. Had I felt them during the shift? Not at all. It was as if my body had acted without my awareness. My sister Monica later helped me understand it was a fogged memory, a temporary lapse. Normally, pulling jeans down and up would keep items in place. But this time, the keys had vanished from my awareness.
This led me to question: what happens when the mind becomes confused or enters a sleepwalking state? From my experience, the mind can remain conscious—aware of surroundings and actions—while the body’s nerve senses are asleep. In such moments, the sense of touch disappears until a part of the brain reactivates those nerves, bringing the body back into full awareness. This sudden awakening can trigger panic, especially when the mind perceives danger or discomfort. The senses scramble, unsure of where you are or what’s happening.
I recall a tragic incident from years ago—one that never left me. A young Black boy, sleepwalking during the winter, left his apartment and made his way to his grandmother’s home. He died there, either unnoticed at the door or unable to knock. Though I’ve searched for records of this event, it seems to have faded from public view. But I remember. I share it here because it speaks of the quiet dangers that go unseen. It also highlights the importance of staying connected to those we love.
This state of mental absenteeism exists in society more than we realize. It’s often invisible, only surfacing in tragic headlines about missing persons or unexplained deaths. Many people live unaware of their own disconnection. That’s why communication is vital—between family, friends, and even professionals. A simple call can make a difference. And if one can afford it, speaking with a psychiatrist may help clear the mind. This can restore harmony between thought and feeling.
Thank you for reading and walking with me through my journey. Stay tuned for the week four caption. The memoir is available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble and on the Dorrance Publishing Company website: http://www.dorrancebookstore.com
Tuesday morning, I open my eyes. I lie in bed as I breathe in and exhale. I think about what I have planned for the day. I read from one of my social contacts about the neuroscience of waking slowly. This should be done before jumping out of bed to begin your day. The truth is it does work. I have tried it a few mornings now. I am so flipping relaxed. When Copilot is at play, I can laugh the stress away. At times, I do think that AI is programmed to freak test the minds of the unaware individuals.
I finally got out of bed. I washed myself and then did some stretching. This helped get the tired bones awake and active for the day. After breakfast, I got to the computer to check emails. One social acquaintance had so much time on hand that he was in the mood to be inventive with words. He invented words that could make the dictionary, if it could speak, ask him a few questions. Words that will cause AI to input factitiously and bring laughter to death.
I was frustrated with Copilot’s output. Laughter often occurred when AI output was recalled, affecting my response to the computer. I then got on to my phone to do some research. I searched the topic about Bill C – Canada’s dangerous new surveillance law. On looking at other links, I came across a question: Are you being watched? The answer did not surprise me; I wrote a bit about it in my memoir. All gadgets using the internet, intranet and wi-fi have eyes on you. So, the answer is yes. After gathering some information, I was led by an emoji image to gain further information on their meaning. As I looked at the images and the meaning, two thoughts crossed my mind. One was from a post I had responded to. An individual liked it with a laughing emoji. This caused me to wonder why that one. My response was not funny. The other had to do with a question as to the meaning of my painted fingers. My curiosity drove me deeper into the links that followed. I thought about how our innocent actions bring laughter to others. Some people may have minds in the gutter or just be mischievous.
EMOJI’S HISTORY
Now a popular app, the trend of emoji started with IBM’s researcher Scott Fahlman when he used the colon: the dash – and parentheses ) keys, in an email message 😊. Today, some of his inventions, like this 😉using the semi-colon; the dash – and the parentheses ) keys, give a winking emoji. Then there’s the keys * < : – ) used for the word Santa Claus, among others, that today have seen expanded to more images and meanings.
For example, sending a flower—depending on your colour preference, the message conveyed will be misleading according to AI. Therefore, the next time my friends, whose like of an emoji sent is as pure as the rising sun’s intention that is to give warmth and light. If you have no knowledge of its meaning, avoid using it. Stick to the ones you know the meaning of to avoid lending laughter to immature minds.
THE LAW IS INADEQUATE TO PROTECT
Those who make new laws and those who follow rules are inadequate in some situations. They fail to look beyond the given problem to logically find a solution. Most are carried away by the limited power they have. Their actions produce no results. They cause more harm to individuals who need to be heard.
As I get to the question, is someone watching you? Yes. But you must be observant. I am qualified to speak about some indications that you lack privacy. I have experience and have heard complaints from others. Here are some indications.
Increased data usage, a rapidly draining battery, unexpected reboots or hot devices, overheating even when not in use.
Unusual noises, audio coming from your phone when it’s on the hook, or even during conversations. Many times, I have asked the question: Did you hear that? And the response from the person will be, “No.” Or you hear unusual interference on your TV or radio.
Unexpected activity—the phone lights up by itself, or unexplained screenshots or a new app in your gallery. I had experience with my old phone. At times, I thought I had a ghost in the home attempting to be different than the others. I can’t see the ghost, but it makes its presence known through noises. At times, it presumptuously enters areas of my life it should not be. If you have seen the film Ghost, you will understand. It’s the one with Patrick Swayze, Demi Moore, and Whoopi. Yes, know your truths and make the truth your own. Also, unusual apps—that I had noticed on my deceased sister’s phone.
Malfunction. Frequent reboot unexpectedly, I am experiencing on my computer. So, when this happened during my activity today working on Copilot, I had to handle it diplomatically. I told the unknown person it’s a machine being programmed to perform. I advised them to stop the filth and get a job.
Call forward. An unknown number is listed for call forwarding. You can check this by calling *#21# or #62#
WHAT YOU CAN DO
Trust your instincts and do a house cleaning of your devices. Check your device settings for suspicious apps or permissions you did not activate. Even with security software, hackers are trained to bypass certain things to gain access. Keep in mind, they are more active than you in taking any opportunity available to hack your devices.
If you suspect you are being followed, move to a public area. It is not a guarantee of safety. The wicked ones have no regard for life. You may still be in danger.
A phone call as you are about to enter your home, disregard; it may be an attempt to distract you.
Contact the authorities. Again, due to personal experience, you may not be given any assistance depending on the situation.
In conclusion, as you do your part, trust that our heavenly Father will be doing his part. Therefore, walk with faith that the ONE who sees all and knows all will guide and protect you. As time goes on, all things hidden will be revealed.
Thank you for reading. If you believe someone should see this post, please share it. If you have been enjoying my blog posts, make sure to subscribe to receive them when posted. Do not forget to (freely) subscribe to my website: http://www.bettertheend.ca.
Friends, let this season be one of joy and wisdom. Each new year, many struggle to pay off debts accumulated during December. Some even resort to desperate measures to give gifts without considering the consequences. Remember: once the month and the day are over, financial responsibilities remain. True generosity is sustainable—it uplifts without leaving scars. A thoughtful approach ensures that generosity today does not become a burden tomorrow.
For some users, especially entrepreneurs and content creators, social media engagement during the festive season can bring tangible benefits. Strategic use of platforms not only expands reach but may also qualify as a business expense, offering tax advantages. Leveraging these opportunities requires careful planning and documentation, but the rewards can extend well beyond the holiday period.
🎄 SUBSCRIPTION AND SUBSCRIBING
The best part of working for yourself is discovering new expenses that you can write off to lower your taxes. Remembering accuracy and transparency is beneficial. They are your best defense against attracting unwanted attention.
Subscribing: The act of signing up or committing to a service, platform, or resource. It is the first decision to engage (choice to upgrade).
Subscription: The ongoing arrangement or contract that follows subscribing. It shows the sustained relationship—whether monthly, annually, or seasonally—between the user and the provider.
In short, subscribing is the choice, while a subscription is the continuing responsibility.
Although subscriptions are a legitimate tax deduction. Generally, you can write off any expense that is necessary for a business. But subscriptions are not always a necessary part of someone’s business. With many online businesses, it is a need-to-know knowledge to lower your taxes, whether you can write off subscriptions.
If you can claim certain publications and subscriptions the Canada Revenue Agency—CRA, or the IRS will not make it easy. To claim these subscriptions, they must be essential to your business to be deductible.
A Life Insurance representative may pay for a membership. This is for continued insurance education. They may also pay for the internet for work purposes. This fee can be written off. But if you a self-employed did the same because you are interested in becoming a Life Insurance agent. That expense is not taxable. All subscriptions or membership fees must be essential to your business. You must have received your licenses from a recognized institution to claim the deductible fees.
Another example. Say you are a Hair Salon owner and you have Spotify or Netflix running in the background. This qualifies you to write off your subscriptions. Let’s say you also use these subscriptions for personal use, which amounts to 60 hours. Then you will subtract 100, which leaves 40 hours of Spotify, times four weeks, equals 160 hours per month. Then the total hours will be 160 X 12 =1,920 for the year. The tax deductible for Netflix will be 60% divided by 100 X 119.88 cost =71.93
OTHER ONLINE SERVICES
For other online services, you can deduct your website’s Hosting services and Domain registration fees. If, like me, you have forgotten to do so in past years you can then do an adjustment. Any website design cost are tax-deductible expense in Canada. To reduce taxable income, remember to keep detailed records of all linked expenses such as invoices, contracts, and receipts.
With any Photoshop, to post pictures, stock photos or graphics for your websites or Instagram, you can claim 100 percent. This deduction can be claimed in ‘other expense’ or on Form 1040.
Your home office can be a deduction. There are two ways to calculate the deduction. The one that sees a higher deduction is more complicated than this one. To calculate your home office, use $5 per square foot to a maximum of 300 square feet. To a maximum deduction of $1500.
To find tax deductions you can use, there is an app called FlyFin an A.I that would scan your linked expenses to find every tax deduction you can use.
There are other deductions. This post is just a reminder to online business owners and paid subscribers. It must be related to your business.
Hello, dear ones. In my first post titled: Until My Dying Day–Captivating stories from the Esplanade. I promise four weeks of captions from my memoir. This is the second week, and as promised, I leave this experience, which shows the connection we unknowingly have.
Part 2 – Chapter 20 | Until My Dying Day
“We are more alike, my friends, than we are unalike.” — Maya Angelou
I’ve felt it in dreams. In laughter that suddenly quiets. In a scent, a shift, a picture that echoes something already known.
Chapter 20 explores how intuition, memory, and emotional resonance weave through our lives like threads. These connections link us in ways we rarely name.
WE ARE MORE CONNECTED THAN THOUGHT
I WAS ASLEEP when Dan’s image appeared. He held the child in his arms as they conversed about the baby’s name; he laughed and said, “It’s a boy.” Then with fingers gesture, he turned the child over, and it was a girl. “You fool,” I replied, pushing him as I asked why don’t you name her Sangeeta, knowing he wanted to name the baby after the sun. A few days earlier, I had that dream when I entered the office, and they told me he had a baby girl. As pictures of him and the child circulated in the office, so was the controversy over a picture that showed Dan with a gun to his head. Ada was upset over it, and so were the others.
After listening to their comments and looking at the pictures myself, I comment, “Look, guys, we don’t know the reason for that picture. Perhaps, he got an acting role, and it was one of the shots.” I quickly stated in disbelief at his thoughtless action. “Further, guys, Dan is used to being around guns, and to him, what seems like toys, is dangerous to us. I had a dream, and one of the pictures is exactly what I saw.”
“Oh, Paula, you and your dreams,” Tim commented.
“But it’s true, as I said, he is around guns a lot, and for him, it’s like a toy.”
“He should not be playing with guns like that,” Alex commented.
I could see that he was fearful, as it showed. And wondered as to the feeling felt; very lightheaded that day, entering the building. A feeling also felt one evening with Rudolf that caused me to be more alert of self when smoking, and an incident that moved me from then to seldom participate in smoking with him.
The memory: I was laughing at a conversation we were having when suddenly I felt as if I had reached a point of no return and had to bring my laughter slowly to a stop. Yes, this incident alerted me to a situation ahead of time. At different times, it could be a scent or a pain.
“No, it’s true; I did have a dream and saw one of the pictures.” I laughed and left further thoughts unsaid as they continued about the picture.
Thanks for reading and walking with me through my journey. Stay tune for other captions from Until My Dying Day. The memoir also comes as an e-book, and can be purchased by going to Amazon, Barnes & Nobles, and on Dorrance Publishing website. http://www.dorrancebookstore.com
BLINDED BY LOVE… and the lessons it leaves behind.
Love can be beautiful—but also painful. Part 1, Chapter 10 of Until My Dying Day shares how we lose ourselves in relationships that hurt. It also highlights the strength it takes to hold on to who we are.
We often ignore red flags, rationalize disrespect, and confuse lust for love. But real love? It’s not a game. It’s a commitment. And it starts with knowing ourselves.
This chapter ends with a dream—a right hand, open and raised. A sign of blessing. And I believe that even in heartbreak, there is a blessing. In truth. In growth. In letting go.
“All relationships are lessons—not to grow in height, but in strength.”
BLINDED BY LOVE…Part 1, Chapter 10
REPEATED OFTEN IS THIS: love is a hurting thing, and it sure is. We wonder why we put ourselves in the position of being hurt. We also wonder why we keep accepting their treatment of us that hurts. Additionally, we question why we accept their actions that show disrespect for our dislikes. On contemplating these possibilities, it becomes clear. When our desires take over, we lose our sense of self-worth in the battle for sanity. All we see before our needs are met through the insanity of our mind; we logically rationalize what is wrong as right. It takes strength to not only let go of one’s emotional hurt that causes us to act insane but to maintain one’s true character.
Love, no doubt, makes you feel happy, and from within, it shows on the outside. The contentment felt and the self-confidence gained from the other believing in you and what you stand for is like a flame that keeps your energy flowing. But love is also painful. It is stressful. Yes, getting to know someone is a task as it is a joy. It is a joy from the little games played just to see how the other would react, and stress from habits the other has that irritate you.
Being able to recognize lust—a strong desire to possess and enjoy, or love—a strong feeling of affection, or passionate devotion, is important. Taking time to examine the feelings of the differences is crucial to one’s happiness. Make no mistake: Come see me and live with me are two different situations. Another, what you see is what you get. For years I have watched my sister’s relationship with her husband and felt for her the loneliness she must feel, though her emotions she hid “like mother like daughters,” goes the saying [as mother was the same]. My observation has concluded that perhaps she appreciated the little moments they shared more than worrying about his absences. Perhaps, life is to live this way— acknowledging that nothing is forever, except for the air we breathe; appreciating the time spent, short or long, the conditions—good or bad—we treasure, taking something learnt with us.
A television show called The Maury show. It is a show that interviews partnerships, among other topics, and repeatedly shows how people will lie to one another to keep the person or break up another’s relationship. Jealousy, which is often triggered by another’s actions, is not always a sign of weakness. A person incited to jealousy is one fit in mind and body who doesn’t necessarily care about the result of their reaction. Truths are only being revealed because of guilt of having kept a secret from the person they “claim” to love, friends with or doubt of the other’s sincerity; that truth is sought by either a DNA test or a lie detector test. Sometimes, the outcome hurts the individual seeking the truth, and their actions are often deplorable.
Yes, there is no avoiding hurt in any relationship, and it hurts even more when your family betrays your love or trust. Remember that all relationships, whether business, romance, or mare friendships, are a learning experience for us to grow—not in height, but in mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual strength. As never before, there are many books written, as there are talk shows, such as Dr. Phil, that give advice on relationships. Relationships today are likened to looking for a job. Remove the blinders, so speaking, check the other’s lifestyle and compatibility with yours, even family inherited diseases—yes—preparedness is important down the road of growth together. Some of these things are overlooked in many cases due to our love or fascination felt for the person. Before entering a relationship that eventually hurts or destroys you, think things through. Marriage is not a game; it is a commitment to another of your deep emotional feeling, called love.
To conclude, be mature of mind when entering a marriage relationship. It is a commitment for life—not a game, to cause some other significant one’s jealousy; each one needs to be there for the other in sickness, in health and in love.
Summer changes the City of Toronto dramatically. It’s often called the “City of the Dead,” a saying mostly heard from foreigners. In summer, it becomes the city of the living. This is the start of all kinds of festivities, such as the Jazz, R&B festivals, street parties, and family barbecues, all leading up to the Caribbean festival and then to the Canadian National Exhibition, which reminds us that it is the end of another summer.
I awoke from a dream; my body felt hot under the covers. I had not yet looked through the window to see the beginning of the day. One that told you from the sun’s illumination would be a hot and dry day. I removed the covers and turned on my cell phone. After a minute, the phone began to ring. I picked it up and looked at the display to see who it was, but the ring was calling my attention to messages. I dialed the code that would allow me to retrieve the messages. One was from my sister, Monica. She called to find out how I was. The message was deleted, and another was retrieved. I put the phone on the table next to where I lay. My sister’s message replayed in my thoughts. I smiled and said aloud—families. I rolled over unto my back and folded my arms under my breasts. Again, I smiled as the image of a conversation with Gerry about his family crossed my thoughts. A sound of laughter escaped from my closed lips as I pondered on our conversation and thought that through families, we really discover how deep our love or how strong our resentment of them can be or how their support gives us the energy to push forward toward our goals.
It was during a week in April when my cousin Annette called to inform me that she would be visiting for the day. She could do so because she lived closer to the border that separates the U.S. from Canada. When they arrived, it was after twelve noon. It has been a while since I had seen Annette or her family. Annette and I were like twins growing up; we did and visited most places together. One day, Annette had me playing with poison ivy. I had no clue it would later leave me scratching the daylights. Annette laughed and thought it was funny, but I was a bit annoyed to the point of getting some more and rubbing it all over her, but then I thought that if I did, this would mean having to endure the itching all over again, so I declined. Another day while playing under the bed, I got on top of her. It was just as a mother would her child while she speaks or plays with her. It was a position I had done with Debra-Ann as I played with her on the bed during a vacation in Florida. It was my last memory of her as a child. Cicely came into the room and caught us in that position. Years later, it was known that Cicely hung up on a feeling that had she not entered the room when she did, of something else about to happen. Our thoughts are funny; they can cause us to jump to wrong assumptions about others, as it cause us to doubt our own abilities and sense of self.
The door opened to the sound of their voices before they could knock—yes, this was my family, noisy as their known to be. Annette, her new husband, her son, her daughter, and her daughter’s friend entered the apartment. She introduces her husband for the first time. Annette had remarried since we last saw each other. Her first husband, after their divorce, married her older sister. Few in the family approved of it, but their intentions worked out well for many reasons. Her new husband is Irish and Italian, the same age as her, but he looks a bit older. The fact that he was mixed, I thought, could not be all bad. I have had my share with the Italian culture and found some of them to be loving, cruel, deceptive, and know how to buy their way in and out of situations. They brought out the best and worst in me; therefore, I would rather keep my distance from some of them.
Annette was now a homemaker, looking a bit older, as I do, and had put on some weight. I was surprised to see her looking as she was—tired—but found out as we spoke her days were quite hectic with the kids, and her mother, who is not as well or active as she was once. The huge home to take care of and her husband’s needs; I could not think of why she was a bit overweight after being informed of how much she had to do. Her visit was also an opportunity to give a letter that contained personal information about me, should anything happen. She is called to the porch.
“I have done a Will and Last Testament, and here is some information you need to know should anything happen to me.”
Annette laughed as she said, “What do you need a Will for? You have nothing.” A comment made deceived from what the eyes saw. A comment she made that could and may have applied to her. For the things seen are temporary, but the things unseen are everlasting.
“Don’t be an ass. Once a person starts to invest, they should make a Last Will and Testament. This way, the little material or financial wealth they have is not taken by the government. If you are smart, you will do the same, and lord knows how they are.”
“Who are you talking about?”
“The government, that’s who,” I responded, laughing. “They give with one hand and take back with the other.”
Annette laughed as she replied, “You are so right.” She stretched forth her hand to accept the letter, and that is when I saw her scarred hand.
“What the hell happened here?” I asked in a fear-filled whisper.
“I was cooking a dish I saw on TV. The oil in the wok was too hot when I threw in the ingredients. It flared up, and I jumped, knocking the wok over onto myself.”
“Oh, my, look at your hand.” I felt so sad for her.
“Third-degree burn!” she exclaimed.
“Gee.” Then I said playfully, “You should have been more careful trying to cook China man’s food.”
She smiled. “I should have.” She says before putting it in her handbag. She took the letter and showed her husband, who briefly looked it over.
I took them to the Eaton Center, and after a meal. The children and her husband spent some time looking around the mall, while we had more time to talk, catching up on past times. After the mall, they drove back to the States. I got to work an hour later than the usual start of my shift, which was at 3:00 PM. Annette’s visit had left me with feelings of sadness and fear. Fearful because of the hand I saw in my dream. It seemed to be the right hand, the palms outward open; perhaps a foresight, but because most of my visions were becoming more apparent lately, the fear for others was becoming more real to my senses.
10,000 Dreams Explained: The hand is the body’s most expressive part and denotes power and creativity. The right hand is power; the left is passive and receptive. An open hand represents justice… A raised hand indicates adoration, prayer, or surrender if turned outward; a blessing is given. Then, I was given a blessing. Thanks!
Thank you for reading, for feeling, and for walking with me through Part 1. Part 2 is coming soon.
Better The End 
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