Running has been quite the adventure so far. In hindsight I should have named this blog, “Adventures in Running” or something like that. It seems there’s always something exciting happening (or something more exciting than running…my “oh that’s entertaining” gauge is busted, so I don’t know). It’s even more strange when these things are happening in a town where I’ve spent a majority of my life.

Anyway….

Sunday, I went for a run. It was gloomy and I was really hoping it was going to rain (I haven’t been able to run in the rain for MONTHS… *sadface*). Anyway, I used my trusty app “RunDouble” and hit “fun run” (what a devious name that is…) and “3 miles.” Looking back, I probably accidentally hit “3k” instead, but whatevs…

I started out running my normal route, but there’s so much traffic now that the highway is closed due to construction. So, now people pretend that the road going through town is the highway and they all suck at driving. To avoid getting hit and all the traffic I decided to run down this dirt road. I had no idea where it went, but it didn’t really matter because I had my trusty app and GPS to tell me when to turn around.

All the trouble started when I was about a half mile down the road, my app said, “you are half way.” I looked back… “the hell if I am…” I looked at my phone, and my mileage said 0.00. Well, that’s not right. So, I estimated that I had run maaaaybe a mile. So I figured if I set my app to 2 miles I would just turn around at 0.5 miles.

Well apparently I was totally in the zone, or something, because I didn’t even look at my phone until I was 1.25 miles down the road. at that point I just figured, Either way, I’m going to run further than I planned, I’ll just keep going.

That was dumb.

I ran down the dirt road until I hit the black top. “Son of a…” This what where I was trying to avoid in the first place. Busy road, lots of cars, and lots of potential for death. I could either turn around and head back down the dirt road or I could go toward death. (I was about a half mile from my “one mile” marker, a 4-way stop intersection). I decided to brave the traffic and go down the blacktop.

Running was pretty shitty during that last part. I ended up running for a few minutes and walking for a minute. Then trying to get rid of a side stitch.

Then, the last 100 yards or so I sprinted. I must have been possessed by Usain Bolt or something crazy, because I ran faster than I have run in years. But when I reached the end, I literally wanted to just lay in the grass and die. I’m sure someone would have found me eventually. But it looked really nice and comfy. At the point, I didn’t care.

Unfortunately, I don’t have a cool story about passing out in someone’s yard because I just walked home. (Sorry, but don’t give up hope, there’s plenty of time for that happen.)

After that I was literally exhausted all day. Like… too lazy to move. I wasn’t sore or anything, just tired as hell! It was horrible. I searched google/bing and learned I need to eat more. Especially at night, if I’m going to run in the morning, and apparently I should eat right when I get back from a run (which is my least favorite time to eat). That should prevent me from being tired all damn day. We’ll see.

Also, “no stretching” still works like a charm. I’m never sore after a run. However, I should note that I walk for 5 minutes before and after each run, so I do warm up and cool down.

To the white Dodge/Chevy/Ford truck with a license plate starting with a letter and ending in a number,

There are not any sidewalks in this town, so I must run on the side of the road. Unfortunately, as I run further, there isn’t a shoulder, as you’re fully aware. I feel I give cars, trucks, motorcycles, and semi trucks ample room to drive passed me. Even going so far as to run in the tick, grasshopper, gross bug infested ditch, as I did several times this morning. So, I’m not quite sure what the fuck you were thinking today when you crossed the white line and aimed your grill right at me.

I’m not sure if you noticed when you jerked the wheel back, but 4 inches from that white line is gravel. All it would have taken is a tiny mistake and you could have hit me, more than likely killing me or breaking many dozens of bones in my body. You were 10 feet away from me, this is NOT an exaggeration, so… fuck you, asshole.

It’s funny, ALL of the semi-trucks and dump trucks see me and they go the other direction, and cross the YELLOW line to actively avoid any potential accidents. They’re much more difficult to handle and yet, they seem to have no issue going a few feet out of their way. I wonder why that is? Maybe because if they hit someone on the side of the road, they’ll lose their jobs.

Now, I’m not asking you to alter the way you drive, you own the big ol’ truck after all, so you have all the power here. All I’m asking is that you STAY ON THE FUCKING ROAD. I don’t feel like that’s asking too much. I mean, I get it. It’s 7:15 in the morning. You probably don’t want to go to work, you’re probably a sociopath who didn’t get enough coffee this morning. I totally get it, I’m not a morning person either.

Or, and this is probably worse, you simply weren’t paying attention. Maybe you had a Facebook status to LIKE or you really wanted to request the douchiest song on the PLANET!, I’m sure you can’t get enough of that song, and were too busy dialing the number to whatever douchey radio station you listen to. Whatever it was, I hope it was worth nearly killing someone. Dick.

I honestly hope a tree falls on your truck in the near future and are forced to drive a 1987 Geo Metro, or better yet, a Chevy Volt. You won’t be going very fast in that either.

Have a great day!

Sincerely,
-The Chick You Nearly Hit In The Ditch

**********************************************************

Now, moving on to other matters:

Today’s run went well-ish, aside from the Douche In The Truck incident.

I’m having some serious issues breathing. I mean, I can breathe well enough, but when I try to control it and belly breathe, I can’t seem to take a deep breath without getting light headed. Maybe I just need to quit worrying about it.

My legs were tired as shit the last mile. They literally felt like lead. I had about a half mile left and while I felt good, my legs…. stupid legs. I had to walk, for about 30 seconds and kind of shake them out.

My arms… well, my shoulders, really, were tensing up. I spent more time shaking them out and trying to relax than anything else. It was pretty annoying.

I also really need to workout more on my off days. I’ve become kinda lazy about it and I can definitely tell the difference when I’m running.

Also:

I CANT WAIT FOR FALL!! Running in the cooler temps… I’m super excited about that.

I’ve come to the sad realization that I will not be ready to run in the 5k this weekend. I set this target for myself and have been working hard to get there, but it’s not gonna happen.

I haven’t run in over a week. I planned to run at least twice while I was camping last week and I ran zero times. I could have, since you always wake up so damn early while camping, I just didn’t. It was enough work to set up camp and exist, running was out of the question.

Also, the bugs. Those evil fucking creatures. I mean… can’t we just kill them all? They’re sooooo stupid and annoying and GAHHHHH!!!

I’m convinced they worked in shifts last week. The mornings were plagued with gnats (pronounced: gah-nats) that suicide bombed your eyes. Then most of the day was filled with horseflies and deer flies that would just hang out around my head. I killed a few. Oddly, it wasn’t that hard. I just hit myself in the head randomly (oh the concussion jokes… they write themselves…) and I’d get one every so often. So, worth it. Then the biting flies. I don’t know what evil monster created these things but maaaan, they’re stealth little biters. Hate them. After those creatures went away, there was a lull in the action. Usually around dinner time, then… mosquitoes. I was soaked in 40% deet from morning to night for 4 days. It rocked.

Oh, and Monday I was attacked by my tent. We were adjusting one of the poles and all the poles on that corner popped off. I just happened to be in the line of fire and the end of a pole shot at me and got my shin just below my knee. I should have taken a picture when it was still pretty fresh, but I didn’t. So all you get is a pic I took this morning. (Related note: bruising doesn’t really show up properly in photos. What’s up with that? Also, my left leg has a lot of scars. There’s one from a bike wipeout which resulted in me getting a rock stuck in my shin, and going across my bruise is a 2″ long scar from barbed wire. There’s also the messed up scar from the cortisone shot that left my leg deformed but that’s not in the picture. /RandomTangent.)

The bruising is much worse than it appears.

Now, back to my “not running in a planned 5k” thing. I’m shifting my focus from races to just running. I’ve decided I’m just going to work on running XX miles without stopping. I don’t know how many that is, but I figure I’ll just work on it until the weather gets too cold to run (I still haven’t figured out how I’m going to run during the 6 months of winter. A treadmill at the gym? *shudder*).

I plan to do races next year. There are a few I had my eye on, and one of those Tough Mudder-like races (looks fun… and hard). I’ll probably do a post later this summer/fall with a list of races I want to do next year. I have a bunch bookmarked, but I’m clearly not going to do them all. That’s crazy (and expensive!).

Eventually a marathon will be on my agenda, but that won’t be happening until at least 2014 or 20never. I would love to do the Grandma’s marathon in Duluth, or maybe a marathon in a different state. Just to say I did it. It’s sort of a bucket list thing. But that’s a long-term goal. We’ll just see if I can finish a 5k first and go from there.

Running has been pretty great this past week. It definitely hasn’t been easy, by any means, but I’m getting better and taking fewer walking breaks. I also changed my stretching routine and that has helped tremendously.

But of course there are bugs. Evil, monstrous creatures that live solely to terrorize me on the trail.

Or they’re just trying to survive. Or something. Whatever. Nature is harsh.

Regardless…

Today’s run was fantasticly bug free. I avoided the paths since I was attacked by evil horseflies and deerflies on my last two runs. So I decided to just stay on the road and run until I my phone told me that I was half way.

The first mile wasn’t hard but it still took me over 12 minutes.

The second mile was a little harder. I ended up taking two walking breaks, but I tried to force myself to only walk long enough to catch my breath. This cold is lingering and I still have some upper lung congestion so that sucks. A lot.

I struggled through the third mile. My legs actually felt awesome. I had a good stride and my cadence was as close to perfect as I could hope to get. It was mostly my chest that held me back.

Just as I was considering stopping and walking the rest of the way “Keep Me” by The Black Keys came on. And I thought, “I can’t walk while listening to this song, that’s anti-badass.”

Then the Beastie Boys came on. Again, can’t walk listening to them, that’s just wrong.

I was tired, but I just focused on getting my feet down on the beat and kept moving. I had to take a couple breaks to catch my breath, but I finished all 3 miles in like 38 minutes and didn’t die. Yay me!

Now, the thing about switching up my stretching routine… I just stopped stretching before my runs. Actually, I stopped stretching after my runs too. I still do leg swings when I run in the morning to loosen up my hips, but other that, NOTHING. Oddly, my calves and Achilles haven’t hurt in two days. Oh, did I mention I also ran 2.5 miles yesterday too? I’ve never been able to run on back to back days because I was too sore. Now, apparently I can.

I should also add that I do foam roll and use my frozen water bottle to roll my calves and Achilles and work out the knots. If this is all I have to do to run relatively pain-free then I’m totally cool with that!

Up next: going camping from Sunday-Thursday and working 2-3 runs in during that time.

I didn’t run this morning.

I should have, but I had something to do that was much more important than sleeping.

I stayed up too late last night partying playing Minecraft. Sure, that sounds like a super dorky excuse, but I promise you it’s not.

See, I had to build a mod grinder (essentially this, but mine is only one level and much more simple). I need supplies that only monsters can give me (gunpowder, string, arrows, bones and feathers, but mostly gunpowder. I want TNT, man!). The only way to do that is to build a mob grinder, which kills monsters for me, or I have to go out and hunt the monsters myself, which is incredibly stupid. Fucking creepers.

Anyway. I stayed up until nearly 3am working on this contraption and testing it out. When I finished I thought, “I could probably go for a run now and come back and go to sleep.”

Nope.

I stood up and was still super sore from my run on Tuesday. It’s mostly my quads and my calves. I think my quads hurt from dropping my butt when I’m running. It’s almost like running in a super shallow squat (that’s the best example I could come up with and it’s not entirely accurate). I don’t really know how productive/efficient it is, but it feels like it takes some of the strain off of my Achilles (which doesn’t hurt at all). And it’s making my quads look amazing-ish, so I’m totally sticking with it!!

And then there’s the heat. Well, mostly the humidity. It’s literally making me feel sick. I’ve been drinking enough fluids, hanging out in the air conditioning (THANK GOD for A/C), and I’m only outside when I need to be. But I just can’t shake this crappy feeling. I’m sure part of it has to do with the fact that I still have this evil death virus cold which has now blessed me with a mega-phlegmy cough. So, that’s gross.

Anyway, the weather should improve over the weekend and I’ll be able to get out and run without putting myself in danger (ha!) and my legs should definitely feel better by then, too.

First of all, I have to give a shout out to the one thing that made today’s achievement possible: last night’s thunderstorm. Thanks, thunderstorm!

What was today’s achievement? I ran (and walked) for THREE mothertruckin miles, which took me about 40 minutes.

I could have probably finished it faster, but I took pictures (and battled monsters and creatures). The writer in me thought, “how am I going to tell this story without pictures?” Clearly my brain doesn’t function very well that early in the morning. But, I digress.

Here’s how the run went.

First mile: Almost easy. It was cool (barely 70) and it was still kind of cloudy. I actually thought, “wow… it’s almost chilly.” The humidity seemed low, so it wasn’t too oppressive. Time: 11:20. (It was actually pretty close to my target pace of <11 minutes.)

Second mile: This part sucked. HARDCORE. I have to run through a little area, covered with trees, which sounds great, but it’s not. Especially when it’s sandwiched between a swamp and a field of corn (or a field of something) and horseflies clearly love that shit. But the horseflies weren’t the worst part, the DRAGONFLIES were.

Yes. Dragonflies. (Or some other creature that looks just like a small dragonfly.) At first I thought they were a massive swarm of wasps, they were yellow, with legs. Honestly, I didn’t pay much attention. I just didn’t want to die. So I ran away. (Wasps are scary and mean, yo!) Then I got a closer look at them, not wasps. WHEWWWW!! But I still didn’t know how I was going to get through without getting hit by over a kajillion dragonflies. Thankfully my quick thinking and ingenuity kicked in (thanks, coffee!). “I’ll pick up a stick and swing it around me as I run through. I’m a frickin GENIUS!!” So I picked up the first stick I saw and started swinging.

I ran, well… it was more of a sprint, for about a quarter mile before I didn’t see them anymore. So I ditched the stick, caught my breath and continued on my way.

Then I was hit by a terrible smell. I knew it was coming, I just wasn’t really prepared for it. Orcs… I mean, Buffalo. *gag*

Buffalo!!!

I looked at my phone, 1.3 miles, I still had a bit to go before I could turn around and head back. I had to stick it out. Ugh.

Finally, I hear “you are halfway” through my headphones. YES!!

I turn around to start the run back but didn’t realize I had just ran down a big ol’ hill. Ok, to be fair, it’s not really THAT big, but I was starting to feel a little tired so it might as well have been Mount Doom.

Mount Doom!

I ran passed the buffalo again, but this time I was chased by two stupid horseflies. (Out of all the things that bite and sting I hate bees and horseflies the most. Even more than mosquitoes. I think.) One landed on my arm and I hit myself pretty hard, but missed the damn fly. So, I picked up another stick. If it kept the dragonflies away surely it would keep the horseflies away.

The fly killer!

I don’t know if it worked or not. At this point I felt pretty ridiculous swinging a stick above my head while running. I was just imagining some little kid saying, “Mommy, why is that crazy, sweaty lady running with a stick?” Thankfully, no one was around. That would have been embarrassing.

I made it through the swarms of dragonflies again and hit mile 3. Time: ~26:00 (I just quickly glanced at the time, so this isn’t super accurate).

Third mile: Pretty uneventful. Except about a quarter mile into it my calves were getting really tight. So I did what any normal person would do: I laid in the middle of the path, on my back, and put my legs up in the air for a few minutes and shook them out (not sure why, but this seems to work). Then I got up and walked for a quarter mile. I was TIIIIIRED, my lungs were burning (I can’t wait until this cough is gone!!) and the sun was out, so it was getting hotter. I was quickly becoming a bigger puddle of sweaty nastiness.

My Mordor (at least it is this week).

I ran the last half mile without incident. Time: 40:36.

Got home, stretched, showered and stretched again. I also rolled my calves with a frozen water bottle. (Probably my greatest invention ever!! I’m sure I’m not the first to think of it, but I’m quite glad I did.)

I’ll probably try to do this again on Thursday, but that’s going to be dependent on the weather (GO AWAY, HUMIDITY!!) and my ability to wake up super early. However, waking up at 5:45 today wasn’t too horrible.