Blessings, affirmations, grace, and reflection

Just left from a wonderful massage. Long overdue! I hadn't been in over a month. Must treat myself more often. Needed something relaxing after. Wanted a glass of wine, but restaurants were all crowded so stopped in for tea. Ginseng Peppermint. So good! Next up is my mani/pedi hopefully after work tomorrow. Hope to restore my lost energy.

All day meetings in too hot rooms suck the life out of you. Followed by a conference call. Calgon, take me away!

The title pretty much sums it up. My attitude stinks. I put on a good front though and tried to be friendly and bubbly, but in my mind I was like 'how soon can I get out of here?' Fortunately I received an email today from a job that I have been stalking for a couple of years now. I am really hoping I can move forward in the process and be out of here before 2013. I've had enough of the mistrust, the lack of respect, and the lack of concern. I need to be in a place that nurtures me, not treat me like my hard effort is part of the expectation attached to the paycheck. First of all the paycheck isn't what it should be. Some of the listings I've seen been posted online are anywhere from $4000 to $14000 a year more than what I am getting paid now.  I have years of experience and a graduate degree. Granted I get more than others at my job, but not what I should be getting. So that little raise that was so generously given to me looks like laundry money right now. Not e...

I woke up extra early this morning. I guess my body is anticipating getting up early from now on as I head back to work next week. I figured I would go to church this morning since I am actually up early enough. Good thing I decided to check the church's website because they have summer hours. I would have been there a full hour ahead to time. So, I am going to leisurely take my time getting dressed and drive over to Brooklyn for the 9 AM service. Then perhaps I will stop into one of the many cute restaurants in the area and have brunch. Drive back into the city to have my long overdue massage, then come back home to prepare for the week ahead by finishing my clean house project. Can't remember the last time I went to church. This is my favorite church, so I am look forward to the blessing I am sure to experience today.

So I am still without a  phone and I don't miss it. Last time I panicked at the thought of being without a phone. It had become a burden to constantly be tethered to that thing. I do need a basic cell phone and that is where the problem lies. It is hard to try to find a cheap basic phone. I saw they had some at Wal-Mart for $9.99 but they were all sold out!  Then you can buy minutes for the phone. While weighing my options this is what I am left with: Option A. Take up Verizon's offer to add a second line for $10 a month. Only it isn't really $10 a month because it will include a data package.  One in addition the one that I already have. And the one they are selling isn't unlimited like the one I have. Then I will also pay for a second device on top of the month charges. Bottom line paying for the device and extras plus twice as much each month.  Even with a basic line will only reduce it by $10 a month. This would mean getting a new number as well, but essentiall...

I am rounding up references. I have been a online application fool over the past few days. Some of them have asked for references and since my boss has already told us not to ask her for a reference I am trying to get creative about who I can approach. I have never been in a situation where I can't approach my boss to ask for a reference before. Even when we have ended things on bad terms. I may not always have the best attitude and sometimes my time management needs to be put into check, but no one can deny that I am a damn good worker. As a matter of fact, I prefer to be a worker to being a manager/supervisor/boss. I don't want to be in charge of anyone except myself. It's the introvert in me wanting to be totally autonomous. I am at peace with my situation. Even if no one calls for an interview or a job offer at least I made an effort. 

My heart is SCREAMING out to me that I need to walk away. My head is whispering that I finally have my finances stable and I need to relax. I know for a fact that I am underpaid, but I am finally at a point where I have extra money in my account before my next check comes in. I don't want to have another financial set back. Especially as hard as times are. However, on the the flip side of that is the fact that I love to hustle. I love making some money from this venture and that project and piecing it all together and making it work. I have never liked being locked into a job. It makes me feel trapped. I need to find a way to make it work. I want the house and car, but I also want to travel and work on my own schedule. I wish I knew how to make it happen. OPTION A: Stay put for another year and stack money with the intention of making a get away next year. Play the game and fake it 'til I make it. Pray every single day. OPTION B: Walk away. Step out on faith. Cut ba...

As I get closer to returning to work my energy is getting lower and lower. I stayed up into the wee hours applying to jobs all over the country. It was empowering to be able to do something about my situation. I dread when an application asks for references because I am looking without my employer "approval." Besides, checking references is for AFTER they have gone through the whole process so why ask on the application? I also realized how out of touch I have been with people who I would potentially use as references.  I feel stuck. I will make the best of my situation and continue to pray that God will bless me with the right job for me.  I need a massage to release this tension in my body and clear my energy blockages.  Our elevator is broken. Again. People in my building don't know how to use an elevator properly. On top of that the stupid thing is never fixed completely. It has NEVER worked right in all the years I have lived here.  I need to finish get...

So today I took the time to get up early, drive across the bridge (paying a $12 toll) to get the car inspected for an air-bag recall. Yeah. Any way. Come to find out it was nothing but a ploy by the dealer to get me in to try to charge me up the wazoo to fix a bunch of stuff that didn't need fixing. Matter of fact, if you ask me they didn't even look at the frickin' car! Here is what happened: I took the car in and wait about 2 hours. The service rep (I guess that is what he is called) came out and gave me a laundry list of stuff he 'claimed' need to be done. I gave him the look of death and calmly asked about the recall. He curtly replied, "The recall is fine." I told him I wasn't getting anything done and I waited for him to give me my vehicle. First of all, I take my car in for service every 3K miles. Religiously! Second of all, I hardly drive that damn thing other to move parking spaces every couple of days or go to Westchester or Jer...

Had dinner with my cousin on Saturday to celebrate his birthday. Found out he'd snuck another fruit of his loins into the work 18 months ago. That makes 4 boys and (possibly) one girl. He is 50 and still having babies! Men! Will write about the night out in a separate post.

Another trip to Ulta resulted in another fabulous find! Since I liked the Organix Moroccan Argan Oil products so much I decided to try the Brazilian Keratin Therapy . Boy am I glad I did. It left my hair manageable with soft curls. The shampoo smelled like chocolate and the conditioner worked through my frizzy, unruly hair leaving it soft enough to comb through with no breakage! Usually my comb is full of hair after combing it out, but not with this product. What a nice find.

Dear God, Thank you for the extra time that you have blessed me with this week.  Background: I thought that I had to be back to work on Monday. I dreaded and complained about it. Didn't sleep well the night before and had trouble getting up Monday morning. I decided to go through my work emails once again just to be sure a schedule, agenda, or email hadn't been sent. I came about an email from earlier in the month stating that we are expected to be back the following week! I still wasn't sure if I'd read it right, but I was so tired I went back to bed and figured someone would call if I was expected to be in a meeting that morning. No one called. I had been blessed with that extra week I had been wishing for to finish knocking items off my to do list. So, this week I have been making appointments that I should have made at the beginning of the summer. My old pal procrastination is back. I managed to get appointments to get the car inspected for a recall I was s...

I am totally selfish with my time. I don't like to do what I don't want to to do. I have missed out on a lot of opportunities because of my selfish nature. I have also been in the right place at the right time because of it. I especially don't like when people take advantage of my time. When I am free and I am offering to help, but you are too busy then that is your choice. If I've told you up front that I will have limited time and you need to let me know what you need while I am free then that's a cue. Don't wait until my time is limited to impose all you stuff on me just because your time is now free. With that said, I think I am going to have to walk away from a position I hold. I have committed myself fully for the past 6 months, but I don't think it has been appreciated and I now feel like I am being taken advantage of. You can tell when people don't respect you. It is especially irksome when you are not respected for something that  you know is ...

These two could be mother and daughter. I can only dream about having a love like this one day. So amazing to still be that in love after all these years.

Spent the day in Brooklyn having brunch and walking around the old neighborhood with old friend. Ran into my old neighbor. Weather was perfect today! My friend caught the Amtrak all the way up from D.C. just to have brunch with me! Sad to see the Olympics close. It was an amazing, amazing experience. So much inspiration for aiming for excellence in life. Found out more people are leaving my job. Not sure how things are going to work out next year. Keep praying God will lead me to something amazing. Have to report back in about a week. My aunt is messaging me on Facebook trying to find out where my father is buried. After all this time. She says my step-mother and my sister aren't speaking to her or my grandmother. I don't want to be caught in the middle. I don't want to be the on to tell her that they decided to cremate him. I told her she has to find from them. Not that it is a secret, but I don't want to be the one to tell her since they made the arrangement...

Living my life like it's golden golden. What's been happening? Beautiful brown girls are finally being recognized as a force to be reckoned and not victims. Love it! I cried through the entire Beasts of the Southern Wild.   Hushpuppy is my inner child and she awakened so much inside of me. It is the most beautiful film I have seen in a very long time. I am still crying. That is what great film making is about! As an aside, I am moving this year. I am still between Atlanta and Washington, D.C. I kind of want to try ATL since I haven't lived in the south before. I will spend this year getting my life in order. These inspirational sisters will remind me that I can do all things and I need to dedicate myself to my dreams. This Olympics has had so many inspirational stories of triumph. I want to hold onto that feeling. No more feeling sorry for myself. #Teambrowngirl