We all build walls. They are for protection. We build gates around our terrace so that no one falls from a high place, we build fences around our gardens to keep animals from ruining the gardening or landscape design and we build walls to protect our borders. Most of us build invisible emotional walls to protect ourselves from getting hurt, or criticized. Sometimes we don’t even mean to, it’s a subconscious way our minds protect us from feeling pain, embarrassment, or any form of suffering.

I’ve been listening to a certain podcast (thanks to my friend Shua) and part of one of the episodes focuses on Robert Frost’s famous line from his poem entitled “Mending Wall”, which is “good fences make good neighbors.” I’m not so sure this is true.

I truly struggle with this message. It has been my experience that the fences are there to separate one from another for better or for worse. We have a built-in automatic response system in our brains for protection. We force ourselves out of a comfort zone to break the barriers and to let others in, for if not we’d all be hermits and depressed and just end human life as we know it.  But beyond that we also need them because there’s a possibility we’d all end being doormats and stepped on and not treated fairly if we didn’t expose our thoughts or feelings on any given matter important to us and we allow negative people to enter the conversation. We live in a world with rules and when those rules are broken there are consequences – the rules in every country are different and the punishments vary to the very lenient slap-on-the-wrist, or the more serious lock-you-up-in-jail and then to the extreme in certain places.

We all need these boundaries in our lives because they serve to protect us from ourselves and each other when the neurons in the brain go haywire.

His tree branch was leaning over my fence, and I asked him politely 3 times and when he still didn’t trim it, and the rotting fruits fell and landed on my beautiful green garden, it caused unwanted animals and bugs to my space and so I took my chainsaw and butchered his tree to teach him a lesson.

She continually parks in my space and even though I’ve asked her repeatedly and left notes on her car she parks over the space and doesn’t leave me enough space to park in front of my own home! So that’s why I gently backed into her car when trying to park in my space, your honor.

Justifiable reactions are in our minds. Who deems one right and another wrong when there is conflict? We appoint judges to make decisions for us, but they too are human, so of course, just like the rest of us, are capable of making an err in judgement.

Next level.

For anyone who believes in a higher power – there is a justice system that we can not possibly understand. We have absolute faith that when something occurs, something so devastating that it shakes our very core – we accept that it was meant to be (maybe after some time and healing).

Today the world has lost somone whose contributions to family and society, to community and his country went above and beyond the average person. Today the physical and very good fence (WALL) to separate neighbors did nothing to promote good behavior. This person with his back to his attacker, not offensively inciting anyone, standing still (maybe on his phone, or checking a shopping list) was murdered by a 17 year old in a very open shopping space. Video footage clearly shows that there was opportunity for this teenager to attack another passerby, yet in what appears to be targeted violence chooses our neighbor, our educator, son, husband, father, uncle… and according to reports he still bravely reacted in an attempt to stop the assailant from getting away or harming others.

I can only speak for myself when I say I am not interested in the world’s view. I don’t want to build bridges when I feel there is nothing but ugliness and hatred on the other side. You wouldn’t leave a garden gate open if you knew a rabid dog might bite your baby one day while they play in their own yard. That is how I see our cousins, like a rabid dog.

“infectious, usually fatal viral disease of the central nervous system that is transmitted by the bite of infected animals” – meaning a 17 year old child does not pick up a knife to purposefully stab an innocent bystander unless his brain has been infected. Indoctrinated hatred at a young age so that he honestly feels his actions – the end justifies the means. 

We are all mourning this tragic loss on a monumental level. I bet most people reading this will feel the way I do. We are being targeted. We can not be blamed for others actions. We all must take responsibility for our own actions. The lame, age-old excuse for harming us is because of a land dispute which happened many years ago. But I doubt the younger children even hear this anymore. There are lies that are spread so evil, that their children are led to believe they are doing the right thing by causing harm to others. 

If there was a wall high enough, strong enough, powerful enough to keep your enemy away – wouldn’t you build it to protect the ones you love? We have a wall. It is not tall enough, or strong enough. Our enemy is near and is finding ways around the wall, with a balloon, or a kite, or a kitchen knife. The people of the world need to spread love – but it’s not easy when the rabid dog is barking at your wall.

May we find peace where we can in the last 48 hours left of the Days of Awe before we reach the day of Atonement.

In Memory of Ari Fuld, z”l. 

I’ve been contemplating this for a while, as I look around my house at all the items we’ve collected *and obviously felt we needed and now desperately wanting to downsize the volume. I feel like purging! It’s about time…I wish I were a minimalist at heart.

Just this morning I tackled an area that literally hasn’t been touched in years – covered with dust not even knowing what collected on the tippy top of the bookshelf – I slowly started pulling a stack of pages from various children’s books that had gotten torn – why did we collect them???? I remember, the reason was because we didn’t want to throw away a cute book and thought we’d get around to ‘saving’ them. A project that never happened mostly because the one thing I never seem to be able to find is tape but it was time, along with those massive heavy books with the microphone and buttons that electronically make a prerecorded moo or say “Howdy!”, but once the very expensive unique batteries run out are useless….to the garbage!

And then I was reading through comments on a thread of someone’s Facebook post when I decided to write about this feeling of’ how much is too much’?

The picture was an astonishing collection of baked goods that someone has already prepared for Rosh Hashana through Sukkot. That alone boggled my my mind – literally she had 16 round challahs, 6 honey loaf cakes, 3 pecan pies, 6 chocolate chip banana breads, 2 dozen muffins from the same batter, amaretto bundt, 3 amaretto loaf cakes, a dozen amaretto muffins, and a giant vat of chicken soup.

All I kept thinking was man, that is ALOT of challah and baked goods – I assume she has a large family and needs to prepare like this in order to NOT get overwhelmed. Even though this seems like a lot, I married into a family with a sister-in-law who has 12 children and as the role of a communal rebbetzin she often prepared for the masses- this amount to me didn’t seem like it was ‘too much’.  So I start reading through some of the 187 messages and someone posted a comment about owning 4 freezers.

FOUR FREEZERS??? Why? Oh my gosh why? She explained: her main freezer was for everyday stuff, a small freezer for soup, one for meats, and the last for baked goods. After reading more in absolute shock she went on to explain that she owns her own business (is not a caterer), hosts quite often and feels better knowing she can provide meals or pull out some spares should the need arise. It’s smart and really beautiful but I also think a bit absurd.

I have a close friend who is super organized and I always tease her because she too preps so far in advance and her freezers are also always stuffed! And when she looks in my freezer she laughs and can’t understand why there is so much room – I also feed a lot of people and often have guests! I have learned to buy what I need at that time, cook, serve and eat what I have prepared and then repeat the week after – some people opt to buy in bulk so that they don’t have to shop again…THAT NEVER WORKS FOR ME!!

I always end up at one store or another to buy more spices or milk or I don’t know random necessary Ben and Jerry’s – my point is I end up there anyway, I might as well not spend more than I have to per week!

How Much Is Too Much?

I have this one friend who keeps posting their body fat percentage – the goal being 0% – it’s so unsettling but at the same time I keep inwardly rooting for this person to finally reach their goal – but then what? That’s a full-time job – I often think – Cheri, had you gone into the physical fitness profession you could have been paid to forcefully exercise – that’s smart planning…but alas – this girl loves her cookies and milk (and really doesn’t enjoy exercise). I watch this person post muscle after muscle shot and think to myself,  where? Where are they hiding the other 3%?

I hope to one day maybe need such items as four freezers I guess, that means that my family has quadrupled and everyone is coming home…but I also look at posts from other friends and acquaintances and see other over-the-top surplus purchases or behaviors and it keeps me wondering (not judging) why do we go over the top. When is it enough? Why do we always go to extremes?

We often feel the need to justify: we fill our lives with goals or food or extra stuff because it makes us feel good and when we look back and reflect we feel we’ve accomplished something. The most hot dogs eaten in under a minute guy. The over 50 fastest marathon runner. The lady with the most cats. The girl with the longest hair. The social media guru with the most likes. It’s how we define ourselves.

Create healthy goals.

Keep yourself in check. 

Be realistic. 

Stay within your budget.

Those are my thoughts and helpful life-tips – but then…there is this. #lessonlearned for today.

There are times when invitations are expected, and then there are times when the invite comes as a surprise. Personally, I am often surprised – I rarely expect that I’d be invited to someone’s anything unless I am related to them – and even then…sometimes…well let’s just say maybe the invite feels like an afterthought.

After accepting an invite to a co-worker’s son’s Bar Mitzvah, I thought, hmmm maybe he was just trying to be nice and inclusive – this may be weird if I show up. But I committed and this morning went to a Kurdish shul in Ma’ale Adumim and met a bunch of other co-workers – so it ended up not being as awkward as I imagined, and it was the same and different than many other Bar Mitzvah I had been to. There was a really long prayer service with a LOT of silsulim (*how does that translate into English? Vocal frills?) festive tables set up with a soccer theme, an awesome candy table and a slideshow.

As usual there was a roaming photographer and I did my very best to avoid eye contact or when I thought he was pointing his lens in my direction to smile (but not too much smile – which gives me baggier under-eyes) and look far off seemingly interested in something across the room.

There was such yummy brunch eats: salads with crispy sweet potato strings sprinkled with Parmesan cheese, beet carpaccio, rice-filled grape leaves, grilled veggies and all those tempting cheesy potato and  pasta dishes that I steered clear from – and I was so good to recognize when I was physically comfortable so I didn’t need to indulge in the waffle/ice cream bar.

On my drive home the memory of the mom, who was sitting with us at the time of the slideshow, singing to the background song as her son’s pictures flashed the screen, and the even smaller things like a glance from one cousin to another from the balcony to the sanctuary below or the way the father helped his son readjust his tefillin, I was filled with real contentment – a happiness for others.

The thing though that really made this invite special was another small touch, and to me it was the icing on the proverbial (though there was a really impressive, not-yet-cut) cake was the message left behind. A small token of their appreciation for our participation.  A sweet little piece of chocolate with acknowledgement and gratitude. And this is a great message for all of us whether we are guests, or the hosts: Be Thoughtful. A little goes a real long way. This parting gift of chocolate came with a message that translates into, Thank You For Participating (or sharing) in Our Happiness (Joy). May we all be blessed to keep this in the back and forefront of our minds when sharing our lives with others.

I LOVE what I do. One of my jobs is to put out into the world some wonderful photos and images which make Israel look as amazing as I see it through my own eyes. I search online for powerful pictures and try to describe what I see, how it makes me feel, and encourage others to visit our unique country through the travel company which hires me (shameless plug: check out {and “like”} the Facebook page here).

I spend at least one hour a day reading comments from people all around the globe regarding their incredible, spiritually uplifitng experience, spa vacations, or nature and hike-filled trips they once took here. That’s makes me smile. This is a really awe-inspiring country – whether you are looking for some kind of religious or spiritual break-through or a technologically advanced state-of the-art way of thinking out-of-the-box start-up society.

However, this is not a complete representation of the utopia I just described – where holy people and animals roam the blessed land and everywhere there is flourishing and wondrous smells emanating through open and welcoming doorways where homes are filled with laughing happy children and mothers who thrive on the hustle and bustle of everyday chores and fathers who return home at an early time to eat family dinners and then read stories to their children going to bed.

There is another side.

Just like in any other country there are people who suffer mental illness, there are those who are homeless and there are many who struggle to put food on a table in order to feed their families. There are also way too many who are victims of terror.

And then…of course there are those who see our country as this terrible place of apartheid and murder which the media has created by twisting truths and editing videos to make a story juicier than it is. I always find it fascinating how many people are swayed to think this way without ever once being here to make those assessments for themselves and some of the comments I receive are downright hateful and even frightening and threatening. Though I digress, because this post is not political or have any hidden agendas about anything other than this – what makes you smile.

The fact that I am able to live in a country where I am always being protected and can trust that the army will do its best to let me live my life day-to-day free of falling missiles, I feel blessed and that makes me smile.

Today I met with an old friend. Those amazing friendships – free from drama and where you can pick up the conversation right where you left off a year ago. I ate well, I sat outside in a cafe with the sun on me and enjoyed the thriving vibe of tourists and locals walking past on a pedestrian promenade. She made me smile.

Surround yourself with people, places or things which make you smile. This is my best advice today.

Do something you love and the smiles will automatically find you.

Me & Sarri Singer, VICTIM OF TERROR, FOUNDER OF STRENGTH TO STRENGTH -but most importantly, my friend. DONATE TODAY 

So, today is my birthday, and while much time has passed and I haven’t blogged, of course a lot of things have happened that yes, while they were blog-worthy just didn’t make it from head to computer. Why? Because, blogging is a way to share one’s thoughts *and all the crazy stuff that seems to happen in my life just felt like it needed to stay private. Until today! (Meaning I’m just gonna’ start sharing what I want…not every thought).

The older I become the more reserved I am as well – I just don’t need to share every detail of every day – even if I capture the moment in a photo or think things are funny I’ve lost the desire to have SOOO many others share in what I see, do, eat, look at, laugh about.

When my kids were little – I wanted to share every tiny detail about the things they said or how they ate or what they ate with everyone because I thought it was just the funniest, or cutest…and let’s face it – NOT EVERYONE THINKS YOUR KID IS AWESOME! (cute…maybe even tolerable at best). I have an even clearer understanding and perhaps because I am older and wiser, that there is a time and place for everything.

Being adventurous has never been my strong suit – and while I have had instances of brevity in my youth such as jumping off the high dive or speaking in front of a large audience, I’ve made a recent life choice that when certain opportunities present themselves, I jump at the chance to experience something new.

And that’s why it’s time to start writing again, not only because I have something to share – but because I have something to share with meaning. Today I’ve decided to make a change. As most of us grow older, our bodies tend to shift down and outward and basically we look like a deflated balloon if we aren’t careful about eating right and exercising (which I DEFINITELY do not). I am not on any of the “great” programs out there that I have tried in the past – but don’t get me wrong if they work for you – keep at it!

Like most of us I have tried WeightWatchers, or “working out” *which means walk-running or the occasional Zumba class or the Cabbage Soup Diet or Atkins, joined a gym and gone once or twice –  and I can go on and on, but the fact remains that we get excited because we do it with friends or are really fed up with how we’ve ‘let ourselves go’ and then old patterns creep back in and we allow ourselves to get lazy.

I love (and honestly sometimes hate) how my body or face is changing as I get older. I welcome the wrinkles but don’t love all of them. Call them smile or laugh lines and that makes me even happier when I see them because there is proof that I was happy. The fact that I am chubby makes me feel blessed that I’ve not only had enough food for sustenance but that I really enjoyed being creative and learning how to make food inviting and so delicious. I joke that there is more of me to love but I kind of mean it too. I like the feeling of hugging someone who has more meat on their bones and that feels good to be hugged back by someone grabbing on. As long as there is a healthy balance. And that is the change I was referring to. I have come to a place of acceptance and that even though the media will again and again portray that skinnier people are prettier or healthier or happier it doesn’t mean everyone should be skinny.

I do not advocate being overweight – please don’t confuse my intentions here. I know that everyone struggles. Some skinny people have a hard time gaining weight, just like heavier people sometimes have trouble losing weight. A healthy state of mind is important. Eating healthy is important. Exercise is important.

Living a good life is about balance.

Finding your happiness sometimes really is at the bottom of an ice cream tub. Or in the chubby arms of a loved one. Or rubbing your face in baby’s belly. Or from touching the cheek of your wrinkled grandmother.

Today is my birthday and I am grateful for this life. For my parent’s call early in the morning even though it was late at night for them. At seeing my sister’s message of how I inspire her to be also a great role model for others and for my brother’s message which attracted others to wish me well. I am grateful for my husband who keeps leaving the decision up to me where to go for dinner tonight (sarcasm). I am grateful for Facebook which allows me to connect to so many people near and far and from my past and present all wishing me wonderful things on this day, and for having a memories feature so I can keep looking back at the many many pictures I used to share and see my children grow up again and again.

My hope is to continue blogging what is important and that anyone who takes the time to read my blog will take a lesson from my stories, be able to empathize and perhaps laugh a bunch as well. To be continued….

…is virtually impossible.

WE are a fortunate group of people. WE have managed to invent tons of gadgets and apps to minimize our task-taking time. WE no longer need to even write a letter or type anything anymore, if we don’t want to, because we have a microphone attached to our “smart”phones which allows one to speak his/her message into email or we simply ask Siri, or we say, “okay Google”, and voila!

With all these shortcuts you’d think we’d have more time to do a lot more productive things, like Save the Whales, Save the Frogs (its real – I checked), Save The Rhino (?), Save The Elephants, (okay – save all animals…), or just be a domestic “goddess” (I never saw anyone do house-chores and look celestial or divine, btw) and do all the dishes and the laundry, wash the floor, bathe the children, make a healthy dinner, eat said dinner…at the table…with your children, and have enough energy to have that long-awaited-but-always-interrupted-mostly-neglected conversation with your spouse regarding the mortgage/finances/shopping “spree” (read groceries) and/or just to say hi – remember me? And Breathe….

Unlikely. No one I know saves the world with every free moment they have. (Even though I am surrounded daily by heroes and real men and women of honor). In the few recent months alone, I have needed to ask and was gracious enough to receive and accept help from my friends. I was able to recognize the need, and was willing to accept help. That’s always hard to do when you are not a “needy” person. So many people FOUND THE TIME to make my life a bit more manageable. Maybe they used their spare moments or created a slot in their busy days to help me, either way, I really did appreciate the extra help. Being on the receiving end forced me to accept (again) that I can not ‘do it all’  – I am not a robot, I have feelings that sometimes inhibit me from being the most productive I can be. However, when I am not at my lowest performance level, I too need to be THAT person for others.

Recently, I have had many chances to give back. Often, opportunities present themselves and we neglect them, or we, shamefully, just don’t recognize them as opportunities. I had the fortune to pick up some neighbors hitching rides and was approached on the way home as well. My entire day’s journey was accompanied by fellow travelers needing to get somewhere and I was able to provide almost door-to-door service. That felt great too. I didn’t start out looking for ways to help others, but when presented with the chance, I grabbed on, knowing how it would make me feel if I needed to get somewhere and in better accommodations than a bumpy bus ride.

I also made a really cool cake (in theory) for a friend’s party, went to see a musical to support my friends performing in theater, made Superbowl snacks, said yes to a few “play-dates” which meant I’d be running car service back and forth and around town, agreed to a sleepover of 4 other female teens, and SURE, you can say, um, Cheri, you were just being a neighbor, a mother, a wife, a friend. And the answer is yes. Yes, I was, but those were all conscious choices. I could have also said no, acted “selfishly” and no one would have thought me unkind, no one would have said anything other than, okay, if you can’t – you can’t. However, I consciously made the time available just as others had done for me.

That’s really the point of today’s post. Fix your schedule, make time to help others. Find small ways throughout your day to say a kind word, make a 1 minute phone call, smile at someone, listen. Keep your eyes wide open so you can see the opportunities that lay in front of you.