Steamy-HNT

"The beauty seen is partly in him who sees it." 

-- Unknown

 

I am looking for confidence within myself.  I need to be as good at promoting myself as I am at doing just that for others (which is what I have been doing for the last year).  I need to know I am good enough and that I am (and my work is) worthy. Noone really knows what they are doing when they go into a new job, they learn it.  The last time I had to find a job I was young and dumb and overly confident. It served me well.  Now....to conjure up some of that.

rough

My throat is so very sore this morning! 
I have a pap recheck after mine came back "suspicious" 6 months ago
I will also ask her about this rash that I thought was spider bites then I believed it to be poison ivy but it is stil spreading.  Basically, I am feeling pretty rough today!

Good Lord!

YES!  I did just totally send pictures from my cell phone to FB instead of my email. GAH! (including 1 of the rash on my arm which included my nipple in the background) Good Lord!  I am glad that most of them were just pics of me, and that I logged on right as the rash pic posted. 

Sweating bullets here!

Still Here

I am alive- I am still here
This is the first vacation that I did not auto post for while I was gone.
While it was nice not to try to have to fill 10 days I return feeling forgotten about.

I am still here.

FFI

And...here we go!

1. It's fun to go out with my friends.

2. A big mistake  is easy to make (correcting it is the hard part).

3. I like to be goofy.

4. How could it have gone,  I will never know!

5. Something I'm very much excited about the family vaca I will be on for the next 10 days.

6. Taking the time to lay in the sun yesterday was well worth it.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to hitting the road, tomorrow my plans include renaissance festival (with a new wench costume) and Sunday, I want to go to the Children's Museum then head into the next state we are going, and seeing my first drive in movie!

I will be gone.  I don't think I will be posting, but I will have my laptop and I might... we'll see.  I have a ton to do and have to get doing it.  Miss you all.

Go check out the post below (there is a click) see what my newest toy from E.F. is

What has me weak kneed? This toy!

Honestly I should have gotten this review in a long long time ago- but let me tell you Eden Fantasy's Acuvibe has kept me a little busy (and distracted).

• Compact, lightweight, and sturdy, the Interactive Health AcuVibe® is a high quality performance tool designed for superior massage and relaxation. The rugged ABS plastic construction makes this massager durable and long-lasting, while the expertly designed head focuses 100% of the vibration energy on to your body.
• Smooth and rounded, this head is texturized and contoured for soft but precise stimulation, and the spring-mounted construction provides flexibility and versatility for ergonomic use. The benefits of massage are numerous, and this piece can fulfill them all. Whether it's relieving muscle aches, loosening tense muscles, increasing circulation, or flushing out painful lactic acid, the AcuVibe® will administer fast, effective, and accurate relief.

• The massager features a rechargeable NiCad battery that comes with a custom DC cord and can run for 45 minutes on a single charge. The single, push-button on the center turns the piece on and also changes from a high-level speed of 5700 vibrations per a minute, to a low-level speed of 4300 vibrations per a minute. 

The best part of  this toy/massager is that it is rechargable, Yes! rechargable.  That saves you a ton of money on batteries. I tired of toys running out mid-O or after each use and dropping money into it each time I use it with new batteries.  

I have a travel wand massager which I love and wanted to try this full size one.  

Pros:  As wand massagers go this one is quite powerful, quiet enough, and easy to use. Best of all for me, it provides a fast orgasm, and I mean FAST! (like minutes) Plus, it is recharable!

Cons: Size.  It is awfully large.  When it first arrived I was not home, I received a text from my hubby whom asked : "Is this new toy for an elephant? It's huge!"  

You and I both know that Eden Fantasy is the ONLY place to go for your sex toy needs.  While you are online shopping check this toys out. (and check out the promo they have right now)

Undress Me

Undress me 

Quietly 

and

Expertly

She's Country- pic post

all photos property of BFD -copywrite 2011

Lasts

I won't see my friends again until September.

My class reunion is coming up soon- what to wear? Casual dress leaves it wide open for me

Vacation is soon- a week with the kids and hubby............................................

I spent the afternoon and evening at the beach today- it may be the last time of the Summer

I need a job

you can comment and say nice things. I wouldn't mind it, and I kinda need it.  Anon if you wanna........

Love is good

FFI

1. The only question is now what?

2. I can accomplish much or absolutely nothing in one day.

3. Three things on my desk: photography book, envelopes, a stack of school papers from the last day of school I still haven't dealt with.

4. Pack my boys for the hunting shack is the one thing I HAVE to do today!

5. I love playing with people's minds.

6. The smell of the fair overwhelms the senses.  (See pic post from fair 1 post below)

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to watching a movie, tomorrow my plans include yard work and Sunday, I want to finalize our vacation plans!

skate park pic 

by BFD

Fair Enough

I went to the fair last night.
I is truly one of my favorite places to take pics

copyright BFD 2011

Let Go- HNT

I have a necklace that I wear when I need the reminder

It simply says:

Let Go

Photos by: Jon H.

It means:

Let Go 

of all 

that I can not control

TMI Tuesday-is it cheating?

TMI Theme for the day

Her: I saw you flirting with her. Cheater!

Him: It's not cheating if we don't have intercourse.

1. You have been separated from your significant other for six months. An attractive, attentive neighbor has paid you flattering attention. It is obvious he/she wishes to take the relationship further. Do you:

a. Dismiss him/her, you're in a committed relationship.

b. Continue to flirt, but go no further.

c. Fantasize about him/her, but take care of your sexual needs solo.

d. Let the affair become physical.

Separated to me - I was picturing them being in the military or gone working.  However if separated means on the way to divorce I still wouldn't have sex with the neighbor, awkward when it no longer works out, plus I would have to have an agreement in the separation making sex ok or it is still cheating.

2. A male co-worker whom you have heard is great in bed and very well endowed has been flirting with you a lot. He obviously wishes to start a relationship. Do you: (This question is for women AND men).
a. Make it clear to him you're not interested.

b. Flirt with him but go no further

c. Mentally undress him and wonder what he'd be like in bed.

d. Let the relationship become sexual.

Sex with co-workers- never a good idea

3. Your significant other is impotent most of the time, showing little interest in you and little interest in being sexual. Do you:

a. Resign yourself to no sex.

b. Satisfy your needs with masturbation

c. Find someone who can satisfy you sexually but remain with your significant other

d. Leave him or her

 I would of course make this deal with him first- I wouldn't just go behind his back

4. The last time you and your mate had sex, were you:

a. Concentrating mostly on him/her, and you didn't even orgasm

b. Thinking about your pleasure and theirs.

c. Concentrating mainly on your own pleasure.

d. Used his/her body as a tool to reach your own orgasm.

(I wasn't in the mood and he 'needed' sex (I do believe this is true, not being sarcastic) so I was more focused on making him cum)

5. What kind of partner do you prefer while making love or having sex?

a. Tender, loving, slow and sweet

b. I don't care, just do me; it's been a while

c. Tough, take-charge, I like it a little rough

d. Any lovin' is good lovin'

(to be fair let me explain- I like both. It just depends upon the day or my mood.  So either a or c)

Bonus: Do you mind if your significant other ogles/checks out another sexy person? What if they comment on that person, do you mind that?
9 times out of 10 I do NOT mind at all.  However if I am having a bad day- feeling sensitive or unsure of things and myself then I do care.  I tend to mention- "hey, I know normally I am right there with you talking about these women, if not pointing them out, but today I just can't handle it- sorry" otherwise how is he to know when it is ok and when it is not, you can't expect a guy to play the game if you don't give him the rules.


So I posted some babble below and some pics below that.  HNT will be a bit extra special this week......just so ya know

A stream of thought

It is later into the evening. Most people will be turning in soon in my time zone.  Yet, I no longer find it odd that I am alone folding laundry and tidying up the house- alone.  Yes, I am alone (minus the 5 kids in  my house....we have an extra due to a sleep over) I remember when my husband was coaching and how I hated being alone. It made me irritable to no end.  I actually would stew about it.  But, slowly ,over time I have gotten used to it.  In fact when he comes around I jump now (not used to him here)

 pic from HERE

I have been alone all of today except 20 minutes this morning (because I got up with him before he left for work this morn) and another 30 minutes around supper time where he was here to change clothes from one job and gather supplies for another.  We discussed trucks- he is looking.  He asked the kids how swimming lessons were and gave some safety tips concerning the bb guns the older two were playing with, and he was gone. 

Yet I just realized suddenly that most couples are probably watching t.v. together or sharing funny stuff from FB or sitting out in the cool night air taking a breather.  I don't know what that would be like really and when he is here we don't really know how to do that- actually if we aren't getting interupted by a child then we are watching different shows (lately) or he is sleeping and I stay up late, he gets up early.

Don't get me wrong. He is gone because he is truly working.  He is not at a bar (he doesn't drink-at all), he is not at a woman's house, he is not playing league softball or any other distraction like that - he is working. 

But I just realized how odd it would be to most people to be alone so much

(sorry for the rambling sentences and horrible punctuation Os- this is just a stream of thought)

PIgtails

 pic of me by me

I am 5' 8"

I weigh 'below average' 

I have brown hair

I have hazel eyes

I will admit (only once) that I have been told I am good looking

I am tall

skinny

and good looking

(there I said it)

But when I go to swim lessons today I will set next to a lady who is a good 4-5 inches shorter than me, at least 50 lbs heavier than me and not horribly unattractive yet not knock out gorgeous.  But, as I sit next to her I will feel completely uncomfortable.  I will feel 'less than' .

Some people just have such a judgmental air about them don't they?

Pics From Today (unedited)

You don't take a photograph, you make it. 

~Ansel Adams

Sometimes I do get to places just when God's ready to have somebody click the shutter.  ~Ansel Adams

I didn't want to tell the tree or weed what it was.  

I wanted it to tell me something and through me express its meaning in nature. 

~Wynn Bullock

When words become unclear, I shall focus with photographs.  

When images become inadequate, I shall be content with silence.  

~Ansel Adams

There are no rules for good photographs, there are only good photographs. 

~Ansel Adams

There are always two people in every picture:  the photographer and the viewer.  

~Ansel Adams

FFI- this sux

1. How can I find a job that fits w/i my requirements? Absurd- I can't

2. Never too late to start smokin' weed don't you think -LOL!.

3. My hair needs some major help, the last dye job was a botch and I am WAY blonde and can't wait for it to get fixed...counting down the days until my 6 weeks are up and it is safe to redye.

4. My 20 yr reunion is at the end of the month- serious!.

5. My favorite summer fruits are cherries, raspberries, and strawberries.

6. Holy Shit! or I also say Good Lord...what was that?

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to hanging with the kids, tomorrow my plans include maybe go to the beach and Sunday, I want to go to the beach if it rains on Saturday which it might!

OHHHHH goodness. I need to get serious about finding a job.  I asked a bit and found a cleaning/organizing company that basically contracts out employees and pays pretty well and only works during school hours so that their employees (who are women) can be moms too.  I thought- maybe. Told my hubby about it and he said "Ohhhh God ! Why would you want to take on someone else's headache?!  ughhhh"   Oh man.  Ok. What am I going to do.  Joblessness is at an all time high, I can't just be waiting around.  Or can I?

I got another lead from a company that said they needed someone to keep them all in line (7 employees) a receptionist type.  I said "hey, I am perfect for that job"  but then talking to the wife of one of the owners she is telling me how messed up things are with the company right now.  sigh sigh double sigh. 


I got an email from the people helping me find funding for my project basically stating that they aren't sure where to go from here- everyone really likes it but noone wants to be the one to step up with the dollar bills. Everyone is only willing to do "in house support" of some type of other and while that is nice and needed to get $$$ it won't pay any of my bills.  Depressing.


This sux

Bitterfly- HNT

Just like the butterfly,

I too will awaken in my own time.  

~Deborah Chaskin

Sharing what I did not before

I wrote this late night/ early morning Monday/Tuesay.  I posted it in "Buzz" (you know- part of GMail) I post over there a lot. Especially thought that I don't want a select few to read.  That is the only play Google let's you control who sees what you write w/o going private. Anyway I have been thinking about this silly overtired rant since then, so I figured I post it here too. 

 why have I been staying up so late ?
why not just go to bed?
I know I am tired
even when I finally go to bed I stay up......

just go to bed already and close your eyes and go to sleep.

I just can't seem to be happy with anything right now. I feel like I should be doing so many things at one that I can not be happy with any one thing that I accomplish. I used to have 1 goal a day. It was all I could truly accomplish with four very little kids all at home during the day. 1 goal- laundry, or fold laundry or put laundry away (we have a lot of laundry) but now if I don't wash and fold and put away laundry in one day plus cook and clean and organize and do yard work and and and and work on finding a job and work on the irons I have in the fire already I don't feel like I am doing my part.

I am so sick of not enjoying my every day life that I want to scream. the computer takes up a lot of time that I never spent before (we never had internet or cable tv until recently) so that is part of it I know. but not really because even after we had t.v. I spent time watching shows. and and and

basically this is a big huge rant so I CAN and WILL go to bed because I AM tired. ugh.so so very very tired. I used to walk outside and enjoy the garden. I used to be so much more on top of things. But I think it was more of a conscious effort then- maybe I do it now without as much thought put into it. kind of like doing a job you have had for 12 yrs- you no longer think about how you do it- you just do it. I also have let some things slide.

It is ok if the garden isn't weed free every day and it is ok if some of the raspberries hit the ground and rot and it is ok if the grass isn't mowed every Thursday even though that is what the neighbors on both sides of us do. It is fine if the cut down tree sits there for a day before I get it stacked into the wood shed and it is ok if I don't get out to the chix coop at exactly 8:30pm to shut the door (or at least it has been so far). it is ok if the laundry sits in baskets for a bit.

But yet I am unhappy or at least not content. I think this is why I am not going to bed. going to bed used to be a form of survival before. i was so tired I practically crawled to bed- hell some nights I wouldn't make it. I'd fall asleep sitting up breast feeding on the couch (how I never dropped a baby I don't know) now it is 1am and I am awake sitting up w/o a baby on my lap.

I am pitiful. someone just slap me and make me go to bed

I also write emails and comments and never send them.  I guess it is a way to say what I want w/o actually dealing with the other persons fall out. It is kind of like writing a letter and never sending it used to be....no?   Do you do that too?

TMI Tues. w/ a click

1. What is your favorite summer clothing item or outfit?

A sundress for sure

2. Did you or will you take a summer vacation? If yes, where did you go?

I work from our house so I can take off for the beach or other places anytime I want.  But so far we have camped a few times for 4-5 days each and we are planning a trip to the neighboring state(s) at the end of August for about a week.

3. What is your ideal weekend away (e.g. city, beach or wilderness)?
For me it would be different depending who I go with. Go with Vixen and I want to hang out in a fun town like Vegas and sleep in and relax all day and then get wild at night.  With the family or hubby I like to go to parks and woods and waterfalls and bodies of water etc.

4. What would you pack for a naughty weekend?
toothbrush, contacts/glasses, swimsuit, sundress or two, makeup (you never know), cuffs...lube....lingerie and bottled water (I get thirsty) As much as I'd like to think I'd spend the whole time in bed - I can't! - I get antsy and icky feeling if I don't move around some- get out!  it's just me....

5. What item(s) do you never unpack, never take out of the luggage from trip to trip?

I always unpack everything. I don't go often enough to keep things packed.

pics all from Vi.sualize.us

click taken by -me of L

It's my friend "L"s Birthday today (Wednesday)

She is a naughty little thing.

These birthday parties every week 
are getting tough for this old lady 

*wink*

Bonus: Last vacation sex... Tell us what happened
We always have the kids with us- so vacation sex is harder than sex at home even!  It would have been camping. nothing worth the effort of typing. sorry man.