Ponder that

Sometimes I find myself holding my breath. Waiting for everything to fall apart.

You never know when your entire existence is swept out from under you like a rug. A tragedy, an accident, a discovery, a loss....who knows?

You never know when your last moment of normalcy is just that.

Ponder that

that happened

I burned my boobs today
in the tanning bed

yup, that happened

two posts in one night, it's that kind of weekend

I find it interesting that the people who have been volunteering to help me this week when I have swallowed my pride and asked are people who are NOT my closest friends.  WTH??? I have found this a lot lately.

Interesting.

People I hardly know are stepping up and those I have known forever suddenly disappear into the shadows

Grrrr

Husband is gone for 12 days.  She got too drunk at the hockey game to meet up with me after, like we had planned all week, I put off other plans/ people to wait and go out with her.....no biggie....grrrrrr.  Yes, I could have changed MY plans and gone to where she ended up.  But no! I'm not going to show her that it is ok to disregard our plans that were set for a week because she can't handle herself, nor am I going to show up at 10pm to a place that EVERYONE is drunk and I was stone cold sober.  I don't mean to sound snotty or 'too good' but it was more of a lesson for her which left me the one punished.

She got it, she was scrambling, trying to figure out how to get to where we agreed to meet..... I just told her to stop trying, it wasn't worth it. My night out turned not.  Shower, shaving, make up, dressing, waiting, not making other plans.....all for waste.

Now, here I will sit alone, again, for the rest of the week.  Wasted we of no hubby. GrrrrGrrrGrrrrrr......

TMI....really! Manners don't allow us to talk about 'things' with our bodies, sometimes for good reason

This is random and this is strange and this is 'out there'..... but I have had a bump? of sorts on my right nipple for a VERY long time (since early spring?) and it has itched and itched and itched.  I started to realize that I didn't just have an itchy nipple but rather there was something going on with the actual nipple.

Lately I have been trying to squeeze or pop this thing like a pimple.  I then got the tweezer out and finally in the last two weeks I have been attempting to use an needle to poke and pop and surgically remove this thing in the most unprofessional of ways....

No luck. At all. I just created a sore that didn't eliminate the problem but only caused more pain and then itchiness.  However tonight, again, it itched.... and I scratched..... but this time I felt a bit of wetness and thought---what???the???

Soooo, I pull the bra aside and sure enough there is a white goo all over my fingers. I start thinking - OHhH?? ohhh?  OHHHH!!! yes!  progress ?!  I pull my bra aside and sure enough it has 'popped; and there is a goo coming from said bump.

I know this is neither sexy, nor attractive, and falls under tmi.... but sometimes!  just sometimes these odd little body things are a big deal and manners tell us we can't discuss them.

 Like:
Going to the bathroom and finding it was such an experience you want to share the trauma (or success if you've been backed up)
Birth stories
Stomach bug stories
Period issues and stories
Weird spots, functions or other body things
Gas
Constipation or diarrhea (which I spelled correctly w/o spell check...odd)
etc...

Yes, again, manners do not allow us to discuss these things in normal or or or abnormal company ;)  Yet, you finding yourself wanting to!

That is how this dang 'bump' thing has been.  I went to squeeze my nipple as one a big white head, to see what would happen.  Here is the deal: I didn't think much at all would happen. I was sitting at the computer, not in the bathroom. No tissues around etc.

Well, what did happen is this, a massive amount of white stuff oozed out and then suddenly SHOT out!  not kidding! all over my laptop and desk and fingers.  I am not sure where one little bump on one little nipple was storing all of that 'white stuff' but it was in there and it no longer is and I am so happy for it.

My nipple instantly doesn't itch for the first time in months and months. yay!

Now..... I'm done. you can bleach your brain and scrub your eyeball. sorry about that tmi story.  BUT, I feel better  ;)

A bit more fit

Started tanning, cutting back and soon will be eliminating beer, trying to get to the gym Mon, Wed, Fridays. Not snacking at work as often. Healthier meals at home, not falling into the take out thing (even though we aren't done with fball and home until 7pm) ..... Just a few things to make my Fall a little healthier and happier

New Game Plan

Soooo, last night I just played it cool. Sat one person away from her. Didn't initiate any conversation until she did. In fact I went out long before she did and left way earlier than she did. I took no responsibility in getting her to or from downtown.  I had a much better night. She did come on to me once...a tiny bit.  I think this is the game plan for now

ummmm, I'm not sure

Seriously mixed signals going on here!

I am so damned confused!  I have seen her twice this last week and not the three weeks prior to that.

I walked out on her three weeks before, I left saying,
"It's just time for me to leave. There is nothing I can do here. I give up"
Basically, she had too much alcohol (again) leaving me late getting home and leaving her in a pissy too-drunk state. ....
yeah, that's all I'll say on that
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
She always says she is too shy to start things
So with just enough alcohol (in my system) to mock courage and the fact that I hadn't seen her in such a long time I decided to make a move (in the bathroom, out of public eye), I decided to be the one to be bold/not shy.....only I was pushed off.

I left the bathroom and after a few more dances (with her friends) I decided to head out, she walked to the door with me and kissed me..... sigh...I don't know

Mixed signals. I give up

A link

I forgot to link HNT yesterday

http://hntanon.blogspot.com/

HNT? Yep. It seems so...why not?!

First HNT since turning the big 4-0.
Feeling, suddenly, as though I am too old to play the game.
But yet, I feel like I am looking better than I ever have since starting to play along all those years ago.
My body may have been in better shape at times, but my overall package just keeps getting better *wink

Just numbers....but they get stuck in my head

MUST throw scale away!

If I don't look at the scale and I JUST look at myself..... I would have a much better self image lately. Those damn numbers are killing me. I re-located the scale and still find myself on it a few times a week (the kids, who are little waifs, love having it around so I keep it....but....)

These pics I took and the one coming up for HNT on Os's site prove to me that I need to knock it off! but man!  I'm awful I guess.

no click...saving it for Thursday *wink