Click2irma’s Weblog

Soroako June 9th, 2009

It is quite surprising to know our weakness from other people, and it is humanity when we do not want to accept it.

It is humanity when we like to be praised,

It is humanity when we don’t want to admit our weakness,

But it is Angelic,

To apply all those things in contrast..

But I love my best friend for letting me know and reminding me again of the imperfection of me as a human being.

To be a good friend, is not only to listen and tell her/him about how good she/he is..but also telling the truth about him/her. And my friend applied it on me. Although it’s quiet hurting to know the truth..^_^

Last week, I told her my misery that how I can not forget my past,

and does not want to accept my present, even my future, because I keep thinking about my previous memory.

She said how I could speak well, motivate others by saying a good reflection (including in this blog), and show others…

How tough I am,

How wise I am,

In facing my life

And wishing that others could take my “life experience” as a lesson.

But,..

In reality, I never could realize what I do say or do write.

Then, she showed me the verses from Al Qur’an, and it’s surprised me,

Made me sad,

Scared,

And ashamed of myself…

“ Hai orang-orang yang beriman,mengapa kamu mengatakan apa yang tidak kamu perbuat?

“Amat besar kebencian di sisi Allah bahwa kamu mengatakan apa-apa yang tidak kamu kerjakan.” (Ash Shaaf/61 : 2-3)

It’s me,

Who do the lip services on others,

Look wise to advice,

Look broadminded to view life with my words,

But I am a loser of myself,

Because I even can’t get rid off my problem,

My past…

It’s me,

A very small person,

A shallow person,

The next Fir’aun,

Who is proud and shows off for self,..

But too shallow and weak as real.

O Lord,

Forgive me,

For the self foolishness I’ve made

For the stubborn,

For the arrogant,

For the shallow I have,…

I want to change to be one of Your believer,

Who can realize her words

into action…

Protect me, and help me God,

For the good intention I have now.

Amin.

Soroako, April 28, 2009

Bismilllah Ar Rahmaan, Ar Rahiim..

In the name of Allah, The Most Merciful, The Most Forgiving..

Dear Allah,

I praise for You, for all the blesses and trials You’ve given me.

I admit that I usually, can’t stand and complaint for all the trial You’ve given me,

and always forget Your blesses..

Then, I know that at the time You try me, at the same time a blessing (or there ARE some BLESSES) follows. At least, teaching me to be tougher for life than previous.

Dear Allah,

Although the quantity of forgetting You is much more than the quantity of remembering You, please, put Your trust still on me,

Put Your trust on me, that I will always turn to You when I am not leaning on You and forget Your blesses, Your mercies, Your forgiveness,

Put Your trust on me, that I will always be Your Abdillah, the one who admitted to the Glorious of You, to The Greatest of You, to The One and Only You, God among all gods created by humankind.

Dear Allah,

Help me from the foolishness which is coming from me and coming from my environment,

Help me to love You unconditionally, because I know that You love me that way either,

Help me to be consistent in seeking You,in believing You, in loving You,in knowing myself,

Dear Allah,

Thank You for the live of life of mine,

Thank You for the good friends I have,in the past,at the present,or even in the future..

Thank You for the family I have,

Thank You for the job I have,

Thank You for the happiness I experienced,experiences, or will experience,

Thank You for the trials I experienced,experiences, or will experience,

Thank You for the chance to live, to share, to have friends, to be a friend, to love, and to be loved.

Thank You for all the blesses unmentioned that You’ve given me..

Keep becoming my best Guardian,Dear Allah,

Reminds me, loves me, lives my life…

It is so sad when I want to leave some people whom I just met, and I realize that you are the ones, the true friends that I don’t recognize during the time we spend altogether.

I love you guys all already, and I have to leave you all for one thing that I can’t describe. For the reason of knowing myself more is not too appropriate and logical. Yeah, I just said at that time, I don’t know what I want. And I need time to think..and I don’t want to be dependent on anybody but me.

Dependent..yes, I am so dependent on others, especially my bestfriends till I can’t be myself.Almost all decisions regarding my “life” are made by my friends for me, till I don’t know exactly what I want..I didn’t blame my friends for that. That’s what friends are for. To be in need altogether. It just left no room for me because of that dependency.

You guys are not the reason I leave the liqo’. It’s just a matter of me and ambiguities and unanswered on “something”. Glad to know you as friends, even sisters to me. By deciding not to join our liqo again,doesn’t mean our silaturrahim has ended. I still want to be your friend, and want to hang out altogether, only not in the liqo’form.

Love you all…