Constant Rain

I’m back, and I have a lot to say. Happy 2017.

Since my last post, I stayed in the hospital for several days with another collapsed lung. I don’t understand why this keeps happening. I’m so tired.

I have the hardest times motivating myself to get out of the bed on rainy mornings. I had a little help from my cat to at least get this far (which is, on the couch blogging) as I’m not sure what the heck she was up to but she was making some suspiciously loud noises in the kitchen, and I got up to investigate to see her running crazily out of the kitchen. I think she was just hungry but she was getting into something in there to make her point. I wish she had just meowed, but my cat doesn’t do what I think she should do.  I am still feeling somewhat bad physically, which now that I type it, I realize that I didn’t mention that in the last couple of days. So, in addition to my other issue, I had actually been feeling physically bad with my regular old breathing problem.  It’s so much worse in the evening for some reason, and I was really struggling. I need so bad to find another doctor or something but I have no idea where to start.

I’m so tempted to get back into the bed. Doesn’t God know that rain makes me want to sleep?? lol and does the rain have anything at all to do with me?? haha Aw man i just want to curl up on this couch and go back to sleep!  Well, I think I’ve rambled enough. I think I’m going to get up and force myself to eat some cereal as my appetite has been really bad lately.  That’s not one thing I lose often, as evidenced by my buns (buns!), but I’m just not hungry at all. I think I ate lunch and that was it yesterday just because I forced myself to eat that. I didn’t want that either.  I’m sure I’ll get my appetite back once I’m feeling better.  Well, maybe tomorrow I will post about something stupid in the news or something positive instead of my seemingly sad thoughts.  I do have positive things to post about that don’t include the 15 more minutes of sleep I’m opting for instead of eating breakfast.

Aside from my general breathing problems, I got a pretty good rest last night. My mind is completely at ease regarding the thoughts that were keeping me up, and if I didn’t feel sickly, I’d feel ready for the day. Instead, I’m still sitting in bed as long as possible until I have to get to work. It’s a late evening at work, which I appreciate, since that means that I don’t have to rush out of the house in the morning. And since I wasn’t feeling well this morning, that has worked out for me.

Well, I guess I’ve stalled long enough. *I* am going to have a splendid day, and so should you.

~CR

In some situations, no matter what you do, you can’t change the person’s perception of you. If a person has a preconceived notion of who you are, you can hang up trying to change that. It has taken me over 10 years to realize that there was never a chance that I’d change someone’s opinion of me.  I live my life trying to be open and honest, and it has been a very long time since I’ve done any shady shit. I am pretty much an open book. I don’t do a lot of gossiping, I don’t ask a lot of questions when someone needs help, and I try to be a good person.  For some people, that isn’t enough.  I thought things would be different if I showed how good of a friend I could be, but in the end, I was always viewed through the filter that had been created for me initially, and unfortunately in this case, it wasn’t a pleasant one.  In this particular case, it was not my intention to create the lens that was created for me, and there were a lot of misconceptions involved.  Additionally, so much time and so many things had transpired since then, but in the end, I was the same old whatever that was initially thought. Just goes to show you that there are some things you can change, but for the others, don’t even try. It’s just a waste of energy because people are going to choose to do and think what they wish.

Still hurts though.

In other thoughts, I have had so many hard lessons in my 30s. I kind of wish it would stop already, but I’m going to try to spin it such that these hard lessons will produce a much better version of me. But I wouldn’t mind if they stopped.   Please. stop.

I am only whining online so that I don’t have to otherwise. I just don’t understand why this thing I’m going through is so hard for me.  It’s so hard though and I don’t know what to do about it.  I just got an idea…