joined in the chinese new year gathering tonight, and while everyone was chirping away with laughters and good food...i thought to myself things had changed since last year, and only true friends kinda stayed and lasted for a while longer. if i ever felt bad about losing bad friends, i would say no regrets coz everyone had their own life and absolutely their own choice of believing in something... no one could force a friendship to be borned and no one could make sure it would continue.. and sometimes you had not been prepared for the loss friendship, it just happened.. but when it happened, you either had 2 responses, what did i do wrongly, secondly, did it hurt me that much that i should mend it or just let it be..

it's okay, a new year with new resolutions... sorry to say keeping bad friendships are never in my list.

在我人生最潦倒时。。。每次都会想起他， 记得他曾经对我说的话。。那是很久很久的对话了。。现在都没机会听了。。有时我在想。。如果他还在的话。。他会对我说些什么来安慰我呢?

我会很伤心很伤心， 但不会很久。
人跌到了。。那算什么。。

recently i am troubled, troubled by lots of things which i cant lay the things down on the table and get everything analysed.
troubled with work, troubled by the poeple at work, troubled by my own emotions, the good one sometimes the not so great one.
it;s hard to get things across to people, everyone has their own issues, so i thought about writting it down like i used to do back in medical school, like how penning down my thoughts actually helped to make me felt better, like things were getting more crystal clear, while writing it down, it helped to make me see what i actually wanted.

someone once said about the 2 year housemanship, it took her 1 year to complete her housemaship and another 1 year to see the unprotected world, the more challenging world, the more unpampered world, which she had done most of things which made her so confident while she found that we the batch of 2 year housemanship were a little bit afraid, scared, inconfident and incompetent.

that words struck me, coz i am seriously having this confidence crisis. i know i can do far better, but i didnt dare to bring myself further...

recently i am facing lots stress at work..sometimes when i woke up from stress, i was so tight up thinking holy crap how could i woke up late only to realise that was a weekend and i am free from work... it happened more often recently...

today is friday and tml i am gonna work on call. am so gonna spend today wisely=)

it's been a while.
too many thoughts to pen down, too many things are happening..
to live life with enthusiasm is just a statement, to achieve big in life is just overrated
everyday seeing uncertainties,
i am like a soulless creature, roaming around, unsure what to accomplish everyday.

after so long, have heard so much from people around me that working life is hell, and that's it for the rest of ur life..
and then there are a lot of us who considered postponing it until we are really ready, until we decide it 's about the time. but when would the time be when our minds keep telling us the world out there is a hell.

i decided i wanted to start afresh, i decided that i wouldnt listen to anyone until i myself testify.
it was daunting at first, with a huge responsibility we have to shoulder. when me and adila were made to introduce ourselves to the whole surgical department, i actually said that my name is ann chyi earl, you can call me ann, and i am in charge of ward 30 ( i heard applause of laughing and people actually said wao, someone in charge) and i am still adjusting to the working life and it's not easy..( and the head 0f department said welcome to the real world)..

it wasnt a good start, i seem to have a lot of things to do, yet i didnt know which to prioritize and hence i didnt do any of the necessary ones, to deal with radiologist when my patient GCS dropped and was told by the radiologist that her GSC wasnt full either, to deal with the anesth who shouted through the phone and i thought i had wetted my pants. and my own boss who said u are stupid and waited for my answer how i felt after having been scolded stupid..and the colleagues who backstabbed each others, who took advantage of us due to seniority..

i said fine, let's learn all this..one step at one time, i swallowed my pride..
now things are getting way better, i met wonderful people who taught me how to refer case in a better way that dont irritate, how to deal with the suckiest radiologist..


i would say i love working life much better than the medical school time, that's when we learn the most about the most practical stuffs, though i once a while have this thought of packing my bags and go backpacking..i think it has already run in my blood. haha

it's like time really flies, convo is coming real soon.
i am going back tomorrow, and would be expecting a busy week with the convo rehearsal, real convo, preparation for the UK trip and going for the UK trip.. it's fun to think of it, like wow. i am going off to somewhere before i work like cow. and then everything dies down a bit.. and things would become routine again.

it's irony that i actually miss a lot of medical stuffs, like i am so longing to go to hospital to learn lots of things, to really work as doctor, to learn new things and etc etc etc.

cant wait for the convo to come when i would be meeting up with lots of friends and still friends and friends whom i would take forever to remember.

i have come to like c107 so much that i think it becomes part of me already, and to think that the next time i learn medicine, and there would not be any more familiar faces, the feeling just sinks in, like really deep.

the carefree life as a student beside the grueling exam part, everything about school is so good.

huh. let's make the convo something memorable. and snap snap snap lots of picture.

and to the UK trip.. i am gonna see my bestest bestest bestest friends aka Shixian, CK, and MOKY. and to think that i would be meeting MOKY and MOKY would be around to show me places just thrills me.. thrills ME... THRILLS me...cant wait to squeeze him and give him a comforting tight hug.. =)

greeting message, hit counter or whatever.

about you!

exam is coming real soon, feel my palpitation now.

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