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Tiny Steps
Tuesday, August 28, 2012 / 8:42 AM
I really shouldn’t start the day being so negative.
But being at work when it’s deliciously rainy and cold
outside, plus fasting..it’s really putting me in a not so good (read: foul)
mood.
Plus, some other things that I’ve done that’s just plain
stupid.
Time and time again I tell myself it’s fine.
Yet, I know that it’s not and I’ll never know when it will
be.
So, it’s back to taking one day at a time, one step after another.
For today, I shall just concentrate on completing this work I
have, try to be a more cheerful betty in the office and spend lunchtime looking
for a gift for a friend who just gave birth.
Let’s just try all that first, ok.
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5 Syawal 1433
Thursday, August 23, 2012 / 9:03 AM
So, what can you do in the city on the morning when the
usually hectic city is humming peacefully, with not more than 3 cars in front
of you, about a kilometer apart?
You can:
1.
Drive up to buy Tangling nasi lemak, something
you’ve always wanted to do but cant because a) there’s never an available
parking spot. Or b) you’re late (which is most of the time). But this morning,
you find that Tangling is still on Raya break. Dang.
2.
Drive up to KLCC, which would be a breeze really
because who else is going to work, except for you? You can go and have a yummy
Boost juice, the smoothie ones with lots of weetabix, bananas and
strawberries..or you can have those breakfast yoghurt in the cup, with some
cereal for topping. Then round the whole breakfast up with an expensive
sandwich from O’Brien’s or something. But, you’re afraid you won’t get a sweet
spot at the parking lot behind the new office. And sweet spots are so crucial
towards maintaining a mud-free interior. Sigh.
3.
Or maybe, explore that corner of the city on
your own. Perhaps try that nasi kandar place, where you might get a decent nasi
lemak. After all, that kakak who mans the corner nasi lemak stall is still on
leave. But then someone tells you that that nasi kandar place is under
renovation.
So, what’s a girl to do in the city that is still on Raya
break?
She looks for a new colleague, shamelessly asked if she can
have breakfast together and goes off to discover a nearby thosai and idli
place.
Aah, don’t you just love how your life turns out sometimes?
Now, what can this girl do during lunchtime, hmm?
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Tuesday, August 21, 2012 / 6:16 PM
This is when I get melancholic
More like, PMS-y.
You know that scene in Meet Joe Black, where the older sister of the character played by Claire Forlani showed Anthony Hopkins a series of mini cakes, samples of the actual birthday cake meant for his grand birthday bash; and he snaps at her and dismisses her gesture?
The whole of today felt like that scene, played in rewind.
Tomorrow can't come quickly enough.
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Tuesday, April 03, 2012 / 10:34 PM
You know how you sometimes come across a particularly annoying person/ comment/ FB status/ tweet? And most times, like me, you remember all those motivational/ inspiring things you read about being a totally lovely person, who chooses to love all beings and sends her light and radiance across the universe by her actions? Well, turning 32 may just give you the license to do otherwise. Why not, eh? You have done the above for a long time, and despite being the bigger person, it might not have given you the right satisfaction. Ok, for me it might just signal that I’m a vengeful person, but you know what? I think it’s allright to not feel love for everyone, every single time. We are far from perfect beings, aren’t we? So go on. Do it. Do the very opposite thing that you may have been tempted to do/ say/ post/ tweet. You’ve got nothing to lose. I may regret saying all these one day, it’s prolly just me being bitter about something. But you know what I discovered upon turning 32? Whatever that is clouding your day today, is just clouding your day, today. Tomorrow is; Insya – Allah, a brand new day for you to start all over again. On a side note: I did 30 sun salutations in yoga yesterday (I didn’t count them, the instructor did. I was too busy huffing and puffing away) and my shoulders and chest are still sore and stiff. But, hey wow, 30? I am still mightily impressed. That totally killed any Monday blues I had, as I mentioned to the instructor. Anything else can’t be as bad as THAT. Of course I’m going back tomorrow. |
Wednesday, March 28, 2012 / 2:35 PM
I had one of the best sleeps ever last night.
I went to bed at around 11pm, switched on the air-conditioner, tucked myself in nice and tight in between a couple of pillows and slept soundly till the alarm rang at 6am this morning.
And woke up feeling absolutely at peace.
I did wonder (as one does), over the act of brushing my teeth, what was different about last night that yielded such a feeling this morning.
Could it be because of the air – conditioner? I rarely sleep with it switched on, preferring to throw open the windows wide at nights instead, as the cool night air is equally as delicious. Prissily, I also find it more energy efficient. And more so, it alleviates my guilt for having a night light on all night (hah!)
Or perhaps, it was due to the unexpected answer I was seeking for a question that bugged me all weekend? An intimate conversation with close colleagues, over hot tea, was all I needed actually. I have always grappled with silly internal conflicts of burdening my close friends with the same worries, that sometimes, I find it easier to seek validation from others.
It is probably not so much validation but more justification of my actions. Somehow I think I knew unconsciously, the answer to my question. I just needed the catalyst to grab it and hold on to it.
According to a friend who is big on numerology, this year is Year No. 5 in my cycle. Apparently it is a year for Change and Freedom. As soon as I heard that, I felt hopeful. The previous year seemed like a year where everything seemed stagnant for me. As much as I hate to say this, it even felt like a year of disappointments. I hate saying that and actually believing it, as last year was when I did most of what I love to do: travelling (albeit locally). So, it shouldn’t be a disappointing one for me, right?
I love the idea of ending up somewhere else tomorrow. I actually like the trips to the airports, the short flights/ bus/ train rides and the new places I get to see and smell. The different people I get to meet and the food that I get to sample. It never gets dull.
So yes, I had a good travelling year last year, but not as good for achieving my personal goals. I guess that’s where most of the disappointments come from. I had wanted to change jobs, and went to many interviews but none were fruitful. That made me even more disappointed in myself.
Last year was also a rather quiet one for me, socially. Although I did manage to organize a few things, I supposed I was a little more senyap last year, preferring smaller companies and gatherings, and saw less of my friends. It made me feel a little lonely too.
Financial wise, it was also a year where I started to save seriously (I know, right?) and started to pay my bills responsibly. Therefore it wasn’t a good year financially for me, as well. As in, I could hardly indulge. Add to the fact that I gained weight earlier that year, which made dressing up for work extremely difficult. I remember swallowing my pride as I recycled the same outfits over and over again as I didn’t have enough to splurge on a new wardrobe, and was not in a better shape either.
Because of all the factors above, I made a few slight changes to my lifestyle. I started to seriously go to yoga at 7am, at least twice a week. Because of that, I had to leave home much earlier, which enabled me to escape the crazy morning traffic. I consciously spend and tried to make do with what I already have. I saved every skincare sample that I got and used them, as well as vouchers and whatever membership club points. I stopped sending out resumes and looking at Jobstreet emails. I forged a closer friendship with my colleagues at work, whom I now turn to for a lot of advices.
As such, it was a much quieter and tamer lifestyle that I lead towards the end of the year. It was as if I was resigned to the fact that nothing much is going to change and that everything were to remain status quo. It forced me to take one day at a time, one decision after the other.
Earlier today, I googled the numerology thing as I wanted to be certain of what is said about Year No. 5. And I read about Year No. 4. Year No. 4 is actually a year for setting Foundation for the coming year. It didn’t come as much of a surprise to me, although I had thought that perhaps it’s more of a year for Waiting.
But, wasn’t all that had happened in the previous year a foundation for the future?
I remembered that I aimed to do a headstand on my own when I first started yoga. And I achieved that; at home, alone, once and in class, during the last week of the year. I remembered that my intention to save was so that I’d have enough for rainy days, and true enough, I had to dive into my savings when I got into a mini accident earlier this year. And all that yoga has made me be able to squeeze back into some of my old outfits.
Nothing too profound, nothing too extraordinary, but those tiny, tiny changes have happened.
So yes, this is Year No. 5 for me, and it’s supposed to be a year of Change and Freedom. And yes, I am again, hopeful this year. Hopeful there’ll be some changes and hopeful that I’ll remain as open to the new challenges that will come. Poyo, yeah but true.
And, yes, last night’s peaceful sleep was definitely a very nice change for me.
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