Cyrano's Sister

Here I go again: 18 for ’18

For background noise while I do some pre-new year cleaning/organizing I have the TV on. E! is marathoning Parks & Recreation, a favorite of mine. It’s on the episode which has a Ron Swanson-ism so wise I actually got on the Etsy and bought a lovely poster of it to hang in my office. Oh, the Swanson-ism? “Never half-ass two things, whole-ass one thing”

In the spirit of not doing what the TV tells me, I have made a list of 18 goals for 2018. Seems daunting, and I am working out a complicated reward system that might end up needing a calendar and star stickers; but the list is a work in progress. Hopefully I will have that all worked out by the end of January, but, as Parks & Rec also taught me Treat Yo Self

I have broken them down into three categories: Finance, Fitness, & Fun. Hopefully, completing some of these will lead to writing blog posts again. I do like the blog posting.

Here is the list:

  1. Create and Stick to a Budget (Finance)
  2. Eating out/take out: only 1x per week through April, 1x every other week through September, 1x per month through the end of the year. (Finance) **
  3. Set aside money in a savings account, which does not get touched aka establish an emergency fund (Finance)
  4. Sell all the items I’ve been meaning to put on eBay (Finance)
  5. Start a vacation fund, not related to the above-mentioned savings account (Finance)
  6. Track food & weigh in daily (Fitness)
  7. 7,500 steps/day (52,500/week) through April, then 10,000/day (70,000/week) (Fitness)
  8. Meditate daily for at least 10 minutes (Fitness)
  9. Walk for at least 45 minutes on my work lunch breaks at least 3 days per week (Fitness)
  10. Complete Couch to 5k app by mid-April (Fitness)
  11. Complete CE credits and renew ACE Certification by end of May (Fitness)
  12. No looking at the phone after 9:30pm (Fitness)
  13. Participate in 1 new meet-up activity/month (Fun)
  14. Use Dualingo app daily as directed to learn a new language. (Fun)
  15. Find 1 groupon/living social/goldstar thing to do per month (Fun)
  16. Spend more time with friends. (Fun)
  17. Try a new recipe for a food I’ve never made once per month (Fun)
  18. Be in more pictures. At least one picture/month. (Fun)

**Unless on a trip, it is a work function, or a date.

If I blog about working on or completing any of this, don’t worry, I’m sure I will stick to the fitness and fun categories. I can’t imagine writing a bunch of crap about how I made a budget. “OMG you guys, I used an app! and an Excel Spreadsheet! A SPREADSHEET!! WOOO!” There, consider the post on budgeting completed. Next up might be my treat yo-self ideas, and how I’m going to implement them.

Happy New Year!!! Let’s kick some ass in 2018!!!!

Cyrano's Sister

Resolution Do Over & 16 for ’16

I have had on my to-do list for several months “write blog post.” As fantastic as it is to have graduated on a Friday and started a full time job the following Monday, I have yet to re-acclimate myself to that whole work/life balance thing. Heck, Throatpuncher even gave me the book Thrive by Arianna Huffington that spells out the importance of that balance, but I have yet to get to the end of the book.

That isn’t to say I spend all my time at work and sleeping, I know I waste time staring at my cell phone when I could be reading books, magazines, calling friends to catch up, practicing my banjo, etc. Which, as I reviewed my 15 for ’15 list I realized most of my resolutions would be the same for 2016. I may have also realized that I did not do so well on the resolutions in 2015.

Here’s the old List and how I did:

  1. Win the Daily Step Challenge (Most Days): Check! Well, at least I was 1 for 1 going into the resolutions.
  2. Blog more, at least once a week: Well, considering my last post was something like 5 months ago, I’m going to call this a fail.
  3. Share the blog: That one I accomplished immediately…so, current score is 2 to 1. Still not bad.
  4. Limit Facebook time to none-ish. Nope. All tied up again.
  5.  Look at the bucket list I made when I was 21 and do some of the things: I think I found the list…Pretty sure I did none of the things.
  6. Work on my non-confrontational nature: Uhhh, well, nope.
  7. Put myself/my goals first: This is another constant struggle. I am learning from my superiors at work that I need to do this more. Somehow with all of my work hours I have let working out go to the wayside. The executives I support manage to workout almost daily. They make it a priority, and I’ve been making completing their expense reports my priority. Not cool man.
  8. Phone Curfew: I don’t do this, I forgot about this one even. This is going back on the list.
  9. Write down a couple lines about what happened with my day: I do this most days, but often I fill in several days all at once. I’m calling this a win, but also a work in progress.
  10. Complete what I can in the “Story of My Life” book: Yeah, haven’t put one thing in there. Still want to do that.
  11. Practice my banjo, learn 2 new songs that people know: Haven’t picked up the banjo in months, definitely haven’t learned any new songs.
  12. Refine and build my friendships: If anything I have done the opposite here. Throatpuncher went through some stuff and I was too busy doing God knows what to be the helpful, supportive friend I have been for her in the past. I haven’t seen DangerMom in months. I certainly didn’t reconnect with the old friends as I had intended in the original resolution. Except for one who reached out to me, so I don’t know if that counts. I am glad she’s back, and will have to think up a nickname for her.
  13. Read more books/magazines…less internet: Well, judging by the stack of unfinished books and unread magazines I’m looking at across the room from where I currently sit, this one is also a fail.
  14. Get my assignments done at least a week early: This one I actually did for the most part. Made for a less stressful final semester in college. I highly recommend getting stuff done early.
  15. Live more fearlessly: I think I did this a little bit. There were some things I did that would definitely not be considered within my comfort zone. Still something I would consider a work in progress. But, probably something that should always be a work in progress.

My list for 2016 will look a lot like this one. I have two conflicting quotes running through my head:

If at first you don’t succeed, try try again. – William Edward Hickson (according to Wikipedia)

Try not. Do or do not. There is no try. – Yoda

I think this is one of those rare times where I disagree with Yoda. Gotta keep trying until I get it right. Sorry Yoda, otherwise you the man. Little, green, man-like creature with cool ears.

Once I decide on exactly what my 16 for ’16 will be I’ll write about it here. Might have to make a call to Cakethrower to see what she’s come up with. Her lists always make me think of a couple of my own.

Cyrano's Sister

The Humiliation Factor, the return of the Diet Bet and a Color Dash

Cakethrower and I almost always have some weird contest going to motivate us to work out/lose weight. Sometimes the winner will earn quarters so to play “the horsey game,” which is our favorite slot machine, other times the payout is more threatening. Usually this involves wearing some sort of humiliating outfit in a public setting.

In my not so extensive research on which is a better motivator, it turns out the humiliation stuff works better than the monetary gains. Case in point: while I managed to avoid having to wear Daisy Dukes and some sort of barely there top during a trip to Spring Training, I did not care about missing weekly goals that cost me $5-$10. It was easy for me to put my shoes on and go for a walk to avoid the discomfort of tiny shorts; just as it was easy for me to say “F it, I’ll pay the $5” in the absence of the humiliation factor.

We are still formulating our next challenge, as our last one was cash only and a complete bust. So far I think Cakethrower came up with a phenomenal humiliation, and to toot my own horn I came up with a good start to the money part. She really wants to go somewhere fun to celebrate the New Year, which sounds good to me. Cakethrower has a goal weight in mind, but another friend suggested using percentage lost instead, which I prefer because we do not weigh the same. I suggested that we do something that puts money aside each week so that at the end of the challenge we can each buy a new New Year’s Eve outfit, which would probably enhance the humiliation factor part. The brilliantly evil mind of Cakethrower came up with this: If the challenger does not meet the weight loss percentage goal, they will have a “wardrobe malfunction” that they must maintain for half an hour during the New Year outing. Further clarification would be that you would need to have your dress stuck into the back of your underwear, and would not be able to fix it even when people point it out during that half an hour. See? Evil. Now I’m thinking about an added bonus humiliation: the winner chooses the loser’s underwear. Will it be a thong? Spiderman underroos?? Granny panties??? I’ll have to discuss this further with Cakethrower.

Not all details have been hammered out, but the prospect of this got me thinking about what tools I have to get me to that weigh loss goal. I immediately thought of the Diet Bet Challenge because I have been successful with that in the past, and it is a great motivator to get back on track. Luckily, that site makes it extremely easy to create a Diet Bet, plus I am able to invite people that are not participating in the Humiliation Factor portion of the festivities. Who knows? Maybe they’ll want to, just to keep them motivated during all of those upcoming events like Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. We don’t have to be going to the same party for the humiliation to occur; so long as there is photographic evidence that it happened. Then we can formulate an underwear committee. Who wouldn’t want to be on the underwear committee???

Whilst considering setting up the Diet Bet I was talking to….trying to come up with a nickname….uhhhh….jeez, when they aren’t obvious it is tough….I’m thinking MysteryWoman, because she is at almost every home Pacifics game, but her name remains a mystery to most in the park. She’s either _____’s wife or ______’s mom. Although I’ve known her name before I knew her husband or children, so to me they are MysteryWoman’s husband and/or kids, not the other way around.

Where was I? Right, I was at a baseball game, talking to MysteryWoman**, who made the percentage lost suggestion; when she mentioned that there is a Color Dash coming in October to our very own county. This is a 5k race where they throw various colors on you throughout the event. I have participated in one in the past, and it was a darned good time. Since that particular Pacific’s game was a blow out, I got on my text message machine and went to town. Hopefully my team will be mighty, and will grow swifter than my legs can carry me on race day.

New challenge with a humiliation factor, diet bet, and a 5k race for which to train. These should be all the tools I need to get back on track. If you want to join the Diet Bet or the Color Dash, just follow those links. If you want to join the Humiliation Factor, let me know…I’ll keep you posted on the details.

**I reserve the right to change this nickname if I come up with something better.

Cyrano's Sister

My book cover doesn’t include Batman??

The oddest things stick with me sometimes. I have this wallet that I purchased at the DeYoung Museum in San Francisco. It used to have a card inside that told me about the painting and the painter, but I lost that a while back. Honestly, I bought it because it’s a colorful, funky wallet; not because I know anything about the painting or the artist, which is kind of lame of me.

I was at a deli that I frequent due to its proximity to my office, and when I pulled my wallet out to pay the dude behind the counter thought it was a Batman wallet. As I showed him the detail he said he would have been surprised if it was a Batman wallet because, “you don’t seem like a Batman aficionado.” I very briefly set him straight, something like: “Uh, I actually am;” before moving out of the way so the guy behind me could pay for his sandwich. That did not seem like a sufficient response to prove that I am a HUGE fan of the Caped Crusader, but it would have been super weird to go back and elaborate. The very small exchange made me think about two things: That I can talk for hours about Batman and; although we all know not to judge a book by its cover, I have no idea what my own book cover looks like to other people.

Not that I necessarily want to wear any of my nerdier parts on my sleeve (hmmm, or do I?), but being told I don’t seem like someone who would be into a superhero made me wonder what kind of person I do seem like. What am I projecting out into the world? Should I try to add something that says “Ask me how many times I saw the 1989 Batman in theaters?” (Answer: at least 8, probably more. 1989 was quite some time ago, but I remember telling my best friend I saw it 8 times and her looking at me like the crazy person that I am. There’s a good chance I saw it a couple more times after that. Pretty sure I even had the soundtrack on tape; yes a cassette tape, I am old); or “Which Joker is your favorite and why?” (Answer: My answer is lengthy and boils down to them all having their merits, but the Riddler from the Adam West version of Batman was way better than Jim Carrey). Sadly, I could have lengthier discussions about this crap than I could about actual world problems/current events. I’m shocked I never found a way to work in any comic book icons into any of the papers I had to write in college. I did manage to throw vampire lore into one, which was probably my favorite and most ridiculous paper, but no superheros. Yes, I got an A on my vampire paper. I also managed to bring up things like Planet of the Apes to help me support my arguments in Ethics class. True story.

The comment from the deli guy stuck with me for the remainder of the day. There was a small part of me that wanted to go back in there and drop Batman knowledge on that guy, but why? Who cares? That’s when I realized that it wasn’t totally about his assumption that I am not a bat-geek; but more about what kind of person I do seem like to strangers. When I think about this I eventually came to the conclusion that these people are strangers, so I don’t give a shit what they think of me. This just happened to be one of those times where the particular conclusion stuck with me. I would like to note here that I have no assumptions about the guy behind the deli counter; except that I assume he is one of the two owners of the place.

Maybe next time I go in there I’ll make sure to wear one of the pairs of Batman socks I have (yes, I have more than one pair of Batman socks, I have Wonder Woman, and Superman too). I’d wear my Batman pj’s, but that does not seem work-appropriate.

pow-superhero-clip-art-2461
If I were to wear Batman nerdy-ness on my sleeve, it would probably look like this. photo credit: pow-superhero-clip-art-2461

I feel that I should note that I saw a preview for Batman vs. Superman today; and although I almost cheered out loud at the end of the Star Wars preview that followed, I was pretty stoked about this as well. I’m fairly certain Superman wins that battle unless Batman loads his utility belt full of kryptonite. Or creates a special anti-Superman kryptonite Bat-suit.

See? Na na na na na na na Bat-nerd!

Here’s a trailer I saw today for Batman vs. Superman, in case you were wondering.

Cyrano's Sister

Stranger-supporters and how I loathe them.

I’ve written about this topic before, but I can’t find the post so it must have been on the old blog. Oh well, I wanted to expand on it anyway, so I guess we can all just forget that maybe I’ve ranted about this before.

The other day I was wasting time on FaceBook, because I cannot seem to help myself, and I came across this Distractify Article titled: To the Fatty Running on the Track this Afternoon; which was apparently supposed to give me warm fuzzies about how supportive this jackass was being. Luckily because of creepy internet ways, I was directed to this other article: To the Man Who Judged me on the Westview Track, from the person who the original post was about. The Distractify article even adds some found photos of a couple walking and a woman running on a track, none of these people have anything to do with the original post; and was even confusing, because I originally assumed the woman in the second picture was the person that “rocks.”

I bet when that guy wrote that article he was patting himself on the back for being such a supportive person. When Distractify decided to make their article about it they probably did too; urging us at the bottom of the article to “Share this powerful message and inspire others…” blah blah social media buttons. I love the response to the original post. I wish more people would think about his words. Especially, “you do not have respect for my journey because you do not know it.” Exactly. You don’t know where I’ve been, you don’t know how I got to where I am, so keep your encouragement to yourself. It is counterproductive.

This is something I am very familiar with (which is why I’ve written about it before), but something I had not experienced in a while. I read these articles a few weeks ago and found myself kind of relieved that nothing like that had happened to me lately, even though I have been going to the gym fairly regularly. Turned out I spoke too soon.

There I am, early on Thursday morning, at the gym working with my trainer. I am very pale, which means it does not take much physical excursion before my face is lobster red. I am also highly skilled in the art of sweating, so I don’t have to work out very hard before I look like I am halfway through a marathon in Death Valley. This red face problem can last so long that coworkers have been known to ask me about my sunburn when I’ve arrived at work in the morning. Nope, no sunburn here, I just worked out an hour ago…give it another hour and I should return to normal face color again.

Sitting at the chest-press, red-faced and sweaty (but just sitting there), this woman walks by and gives me a thumbs up. But not just a walk by “good job” thumbs up. She swerves so she walks closer to the machine I am on, leans down a little, and puts her thumb in my face. You know, in case I am unaware that she is supportive of the sweaty fat girl. I mean, I should be honored that she paused in the middle of her own workout to stop and acknowledge the incredible feat I was accomplishing…you know…going to the gym…like I have been for years. But hey, she gets to feel better about herself for the rest of the day for being so kind to a stranger. I bet she told people her side of the story with some smarmy “hey, I just hope she pays it forward” line. Heck, if she gets to decide I need a stranger’s encouragement, I can imagine her douche level.

The thing is, I find that crap incredibly DIScouraging. She’s not giving a thumbs up to everyone in the place. I’m getting singled out because she takes one look at me and thinks that I am not that fit. I don’t think I am either, but my trainer has told me I am the most fit of all of his current clients. My doctor has given me a perfectly clean bill of health, and let me know that I have an impressive amount of muscle hiding under all this fat (this is not the wording he used). I have never had any indicators for any obesity related illnesses.

When people put their thumbs up in my face (or any similar kind of encouragement), I want to workout somewhere private, or nowhere at all. That chest-press machine I was about to use, yeah, it didn’t even have any weights on it. I still couldn’t do all the sets we were doing, even with no weights. That lady thought she was lifting me up, but she put me down, and that damned machine was kicking me while I was down there. Because of an issue where there was no water at the gym, I had to cut my workout off early so that I could go home and get ready for work. The water ended up coming back on right as I was leaving. My trainer asked me if I wanted to finish my session now that I could get ready there. I said no and continued walking out of the gym. Part of that decision had to do with looking forward to using my own awesome shower, but part of it was the thumbs up. I was done with the gym for that day.

I wouldn’t let that one lady or chest-press machine get me down. I returned to the gym this morning to meet with my trainer. He decided today we were going to work on building some strength. I joked about that having something to do with me not killing it on the chest-press last time, but he claimed that wasn’t the reason. Suuurreee. We’re just working on my upper body strength because that’s a good idea… whatever.

After completing my entire workout (no leaving early today) I walked my sweaty, red face out of the gym. As I walked towards the parking lot there was a guy walking towards the gym. I was smiling because that’s how I roll, and I accidentally made eye contact with this dude. I realized he had been looking at me, and I had a brief moment of wondering if he was checking me out (which is ridiculous at any time, but see above for the “sweaty, red face” description) until he opened his mouth and said something along the lines of: “Nice job.” I don’t remember the actual words, but it was something along those lines. Could’ve been “Good work” or “good workout” but I really am not sure. I had to stop myself from answering, “Go fuck yourself.” Which I would have said in a pleasant manner, I assure you. Not only does this dude definitely not know my journey, but he hadn’t even been inside the gym to see any part of my workout for the day. Maybe I had a sunburn and had just spilled a bucket of water over my head. Maybe I hadn’t even worked out at all. He doesn’t know. He wasn’t there.

Thanks dude. Thanks for wiping the smile right off my face. Thanks for irritating the crap out of me. Because I doubt that you are saying that to every person you see walking out of the gym. You aren’t going to be congratulating every stranger in the gym on the workout that they are doing. I certainly don’t. But, you know what, I might start. Maybe if people see how weird it is to congratulate a stranger for no reason, they will stop.

Or, I’ll just start telling my stranger-supporters to go fuck themselves. That seems easier.

Cyrano's Sister

The Angry Coma: A User’s Guide

Often, I feel grumpy. Annoyance? Sure. Irritation levels run the gamut between mild and severe. Anger on the other hand, real, fiery red anger, I only experience once in a blue moon. I can go years without getting angry about something. It’s not pleasant for anyone in an approximate ten mile radius when it does happen; so it’s for the best that it takes a lot to get me to that level.

That may be slightly inaccurate. If you are the object of my ire, then the ten mile radius is a good clearance zone. Be sure to follow the “don’t poke an angry bear” policy. I am angry. I am trying to keep it together and not turn into the Incredible Hulk’s meaner, stronger, more rage-y counterpart. To maintain composure I need to be left alone. Or, as I just coined:The Angry Coma. If I tell you, “Don’t talk to me, don’t even look at me,” I suggest you adhere to those instructions. Choose to ignore my warning, and you only have yourself to blame for whatever words loudly come out of my mouth. I promise you the insults will be creative, both in content and curse-word usage. It’s not just road-rage that makes me come up with new ways to say old curses (like my personal favorite “mother of fuckers”), I can come up with some epically terrible things to tell you about yourself when in a fit of anger. If I do start screaming creative profanities at you, describing in great detail why I think you are the worst person ever, I will feel no remorse. You were warned.

Unfortunately, if you are a completely innocent close friend and find me in this state, I would suggest you also maintain that ten mile safety distance. Strangers, acquaintances, heck, even friends, are completely safe. These people may notice that I am not as jovial as usual, but overall I make an effort to behave relatively normally.

See, the reason I have dubbed it The Angry Coma (TAC)* is because when I get angry, I go silent. I imagine if you were the close friend witness to my recent TAC attack, the silence is scary. I do not want to say one word. I don’t want to talk it out. If I’ve gotten that mad, there’s a good chance there is no solution to whatever the problem is, so talking about it right then only feeds the beast. If there were something to be done, that’s what I’d be doing. Asking me questions, especially any that express concern for my emotional state, will guarantee you a look of doom. Admittedly, there is a small part of me that is considering putting your name on the shit list just for asking. It doesn’t happen, because, really…that’s ridiculous…but…well…it gets considered. Seriously, if you ever find yourself in this situation, I get that you want to help. I even appreciate that you care enough to try.

The best option is to step away slowly, or maybe lock me in a messy house somewhere. TAC can also lead to vigorous cleaning. I learned this from my grandmother. Any time she was super pissed she would clean the house while having pretend arguments with the person she was angry with. Now that I think about it, she is probably where I get my TAC condition from. Sure, I remember the floor scrubbing/yelling-at-no-one, but I also have a clear memory of someone not heeding the safety radius, and poking the bear. Suddenly my sweet, beautiful grandmother hurled a HUGE can of Yuban clear across a room with incredible force. Luckily (?) her aim was slightly off, so the projectile smashed into the wall behind and to the left of the object of her anger; who then sent me to the neighbor’s house. Which always seemed silly to me. I never felt in any danger (I knew to shut up and let her be). More than anything I was impressed with the velocity and distance she managed to get out of the coffee. Is it weird that this story makes me feel somehow closer to my grandmother? A touching tale about how we both share a high level of volatility when angered. We share curly hair, and hopefully an incredibly strong yet slightly inaccurate throwing arm.

**WARNING**Do not let this come flying towards your head. Stay away from TAC sufferers.
**WARNING**Do not let this come flying towards your head. Stay away from TAC sufferers.                   image: amazon.com

TAC typically only lasts around 24 hours. So, if you do see it happen and you feel compelled to be concerned, just text me a day later. I knew it was a shortish shelf-life, but it wasn’t until this time around that I actually paid attention to the amount of time TAC lasted. I’m not saying that the people that made me angry are in the clear, as I explained to Dreamer (who was the unlucky close friend subjected to several looks of doom) in a brief moment of conversation yesterday; those people are basically dead to me. Very soon I will never, ever have to lay eyes on them again. This TAC will become a distant memory. At least Dreamer learned first hand a) to never make me angry and b) what to do in the event that I am angry.

There may even come a day when Dreamer will test out a joke about TAC. I should probably practice the doom face, just to mess with him if he does. On the other hand, it’s one of those things I don’t even realize I’m doing at the time, and I don’t think I can fake. Like whatever it is that I do when I realize people are about to hug me that makes them think I am completely uncomfortable with hugging. I’m only uncomfortable with hugging some of the time. People find my supposed discomfort level amusing all of the time. But that’s another post, for another day.

*OMG, it’s amazing when things work out. It’s a long story, but for a while there I had an uncle who nicknamed me TAC, or Baby TAC. I like this new level I’ve just accidentally brought it to.

Cyrano's Sister

Apple, Peaches, Pumpkin Pie

Sometimes weird things can trigger a memory. I woke up way too early this morning, and found myself watching TV while trying to convince myself to either get up or go back to sleep. Some random commercial made me remember playing hide and seek with my aunt when we were little. I don’t know if this is a common way to play the game, but we had this rule where whomever was “it” would count to ten, or twenty-hundred or whatever, and then scream at the top of their lungs “APPLE PEACHES PUMPKIN PIE, IF YOU’RE NOT READY, HOLLER I!!” If the hider yelled “IIIIIIIII!!” The seeker started over. I think you got a couple of apple, peaches, pumpkin pies before the “ready or not, here I come;” but I’m not sure. If you have never heard of anyone doing this, it is probably something my aunt made up because it is altogether likely I was terrible at choosing a hiding place.*

Graduation is only a few of weeks away now. A few people I know have a countdown going, but I am not sure about the exact amount of days. I do know I am three presentations, three papers (one is super short, one is all done, and one is…well…not great), and two finals away from being done with all of the coursework. I hope I’m not forgetting anything.

As I procrastinate on focusing on those last few assignments and studying, I am both reflecting back and looking forward. Yeah, yeah, live in the now and all that; but I can’t help but look back at where I’ve been, and nearly hyperventilate as I wonder what the hell I’m going to do next. I have a lot of ideas, some are safe choices, some are terrifying. I have been leaning towards terrifying.

One of the big changes I’m considering seems to be falling into place. Going to dinner at The Future Mrs. Jon Bon Jovi’s house the other night provided me with insight and some help in plan execution. Which is awesome and amazing, but also brings a new level of reality to the changes. What if the plan works out? What if it doesn’t? What is going to happen? How many more questions can I ask myself? What else do I need to put on my massive to do list? What am I not thinking about? Am I thinking about too many things? My tendency to over-think everything might be working in overdrive right now. It is a whirlwind.

Part of me is excited and ready. The other part is hollering “I” and trying to look for a hiding place. Most of me just wants to get those papers finished and presentations all prepped so that I can check them off that massive to do list. But, if I get those done, I will be able to put more focus on the “what comes next.” I think knowing that is adding a whole new level to my regular procrastinator ways. As long as I’m not finished, I don’t move on. Ready or not, graduation day is coming. It is my turn to be the seeker, not the hider.**

*A note: I am fully aware my aunt didn’t actually make up the song, the phrase, or the rule. If she did she was a songwriting prodigy, managing to write this hit for Jay and the Techniques approximately three years before she was even born:

**Holy crap that was insightful! Look at how I tied that all together! I am totally dropping the mic right now. Metaphorically, of course, as I don’t have an actual microphone and there’s no way I am dropping my laptop.

Cyrano's Sister

Birthday Check-in

Today is my birthday.* It has been a pretty darned good day. Usually on my birthday I look ahead to what I want to accomplish by the time I reach the next birthday. I know this year is going to bring many changes, so it is difficult to say for certain at this juncture what exactly it is I want things to be like for me next year. Instead I decided to look back to my 15 for ’15 resolutions list and see how I’m doing. I have my doubts, since I haven’t thought about it since…well…mid-January??

1. Win the Daily Step Challenge (Most days): Score one for me! At least I can start the list off on a good note. I did, in fact, win the daily step challenge more than my competitors. Woo!

2. Blog more: The original post set a goal for at least once a week, which is still one I would like to obtain. I have definitely not been on top of this, but I can do better.

3. Share the blog: I did this immediately, posting the link through my Facebook. I haven’t done any of the other sharing things people do, like creating a Facebook page for the blog, nor do I have a twitter. What I’m saying is I accomplished the original idea behind the sharing, but I could probably take it further if I were more consistently blogging.

4. Limit Facebook time to none-ish: This continues to be a work in progress. For a while there I deleted the app from my phone, which severely cut down my Facebook time. I believe I spend less time on the site then I used to, excepting today because that red bubble that tells me I have notifications drives me crazy. When I deleted that app I deleted a couple of other time sucking apps. Although Facebook is back, those others are gone and I think I do spend less time staring at my phone than I did previously.

5. Look at the bucket list I made when I was 21 and do some of the things: I have to find this list first. I know I have it somewhere, I just have no idea where that somewhere is. There is one thing I know was on the list that I really want to do, and I think I’m going to get to work on it ASAP. I need to find that freakin’ list.

6. Work on my non-confrontational nature: This I have epically failed at in one situation. In another, which was honestly more frightening for me, I recently handled. So far everything seems okay. If I’m grading I give myself a 50%, which is still a failing grade, but luckily there is still time to bring the grade up before the end of 2015. I even know some things that are likely going to need to be dealt with this year, so I certainly have the opportunity for at least a B.

7. Put myself/my goals first: I am improving on this one. Again, not perfection, but I’m getting there. Sometimes my goals can be at cross-purposes, so that can make it tough to navigate.

8. Phone curfew: I kind of forgot about this one, oops. I break this a lot, but not in the same way I did before. I used to look at my phone after 10 to check Facebook, emails, buzzfeed, news, reading apps, etc. Now if my phone is out after 10pm it means I am talking on it, and usually the person I am talking to reminds me that it’s past my bedtime and then I go full-on six year old: “BUT I AM NOT TIRED YET.” Because I’d rather get 5 hours of sleep then appear like some lame-o that needs to be asleep by 10? Yeah, I’m a crazy person.

9. Write down a couple lines about what happened with my day: I have completely abandoned this one, but I want to bring it back. The always amazing Souzapalooza recently wrote about her experience with a “One Line A Day” Memory book, which thanks to Amazon Prime, I will have one of my very own on Tuesday. I think this may help me, especially since I was trying to just keep this information in a plain old moleskin notebook before. Thanks Souzapalooza!!!

10. Complete what I can in the “Store of my Life” book: I have not started this. I will put it on the to-do list.

11. Practice my banjo, learn 2 new songs that people know: Nope.

12. Refine and build my friendships: There has been some refinement. I have made some efforts to see some friends that I do not spend enough time with. This is one of those ones that I think will always be on the list, because I don’t think refining and building friendships ever stops.

13. Read more books/magazines, less internet: I am definitely reading more books. My one magazine subscription is still a bit neglected.

14. Get my assignments done at least a week early: I think the “at least a week” is a bit lofty. I have been getting my assignments done early for the most part, barring one mid-term project. It is less stressful. I still manage to procrastinate, but as long as it’s done in more than enough time, who cares?

15. Live more fearlessly: There are some things I’m thinking about doing that would fall into this category. Maybe once I have my “One line a day” journal thing I can think of fearless things I have done easier than trying to come up with something in the dwindling moments before bedtime.

Overall for four months into the new year I think I’ll give myself a “Not too Shabby.” I might have to set some mid-year goals, just because.

*Or because of time-zone settings I can’t figure out how to undo yesterday was my birthday, but whatever.

Cyrano's Sister

Lost posts & secret numbers

I find when I’m out and about I’m always thinking: “I should write a post about that!!” Then I come home, open up the laptop, and have no idea what those brilliant things were I was excited to write about hours before. Today I had at least three of those moments while running an errand or two, but decided to wait on those because I had started writing about something else a few days ago but didn’t finish. I guess the internet gods did not like that one, because that partial post was nowhere to be found. My drafts runneth empty. It was probably going to be my best, most insightful post ever, and now the world will never know. Much like all those other posts about who knows what that drift in and out of my brain.

In the past I have attempted to recreate the post; but it just never has the same feel as what I was going for the first time. I know it was something about how hard it is for me to share any kind of numbers with people. Then a story about how a girl from school asked me how much weight I’ve lost and I was evasive with the number. I happily shared with her my diet and exercise information, but not the total number I have lost. That was basically where I was when I stopped writing, and where I was going to continue from. I will try to do that now, and in the future maybe I’ll keep a list of topics I think of while out and about. It hasn’t helped before, but maybe it will this time.

I think the main reason it is hard for me to share the exact amount of weight I’ve lost is that I still have so much more to go. I have lost a good amount, making excellent progress towards my goals; but I am not yet halfway to my goal weight. Opening the door of the first number, the amount lost so far, I feel like might lead to follow up questions. How much do you have to go? What is your goal weight? What was your starting weight? How much do you weigh today?

Noooooooooo. I’m not sharing any of that information, thank you. Maybe one day. That magical day when I’m watching a football game and a players stats flash on the screen, to which a friend will say, “Man, that guy is HUGE;” and when I check the stats I finally see that the guy does in fact weigh more than I do. That day isn’t here yet. What happens after that comment is made nowadays is I look at the stats and see that the guy weighs less than I do and is usually a little bit taller. So if he is HUGE, then I am……..GINORMOUS?????

Possibly, when the day comes that I am much smaller than the average huge NFL player, I will be comfortable sharing my numbers. Maybe then I can say to anyone who asks, “I lost one-bajillionty pounds, and now weigh an amount that is a lot closer to the number my driver’s license says.” I have a feeling I will always think that this information is not for public knowledge.

I was taught that it’s rude to ask any numbers-related questions (weight, age, cost), which I think is another part of my discomfort with the situation. People seem so open about all of that stuff. Part of me thinks I should just get over it and give the number, but the other part thinks that is kind of b.s. If I’m not comfortable sharing a number, I shouldn’t convince myself to change my personal values. I’m also a believer in the good ol’ Golden Rule. I do not ask anyone their numbers, so no one should ask unto me.

There are plenty of questions I will answer. What kinds of foods are you eating? No bread? Really??? What is your exercise routine? Are those new jeans? Do you want to go on a walk with me sometime? Or maybe a bike ride? Roller skating?

If asked those questions I will respond with enthusiasm. Ask me for a number, and I will probably change the subject.

Cyrano's Sister

Fundraising and Family

I have a big extended family. Maybe even huge. Lots of aunts, uncles, and cousins. Most of whom live on the other side of the country from me. Thanks to social media, we can keep in touch a little better than we did back in the olden days; like the 1990s. It is great to get to know cousins I have yet to meet, or ones I haven’t seen since I was a child. I love being able to celebrate life’s joys with them, even if it is virtually. Hopefully the future will bring a family reunion, but until that time I can post a happy birthday message, or like a graduation event.

What can be a bummer are the tougher times. Recently I was told that my cousin was diagnosed with the same cancer both his mother, my great-aunt, as well as my grandmother, passed away from. His mom just passed in 2013. I can’t imagine what my cousin is going through right now. Or his dad for that matter, or his sister and her family.

Anytime a loved one has a problem, I think it’s natural to wonder “what can I do to help?” Being so far away, I don’t feel like there is a whole lot I can do to help. Even if I were closer, it’s not like I know how to cure cancer. I am smart sometimes, but assuredly not cure cancer smart. If I were I’d have a lot more money, and maybe a Nobel Prize. Which would mean even more money. Probably I could then have a private jet or at least enough frequent flyer miles to fly out there on a moment’s notice. That’d be cool.

Instead there is reality. I remembered donating money several years ago, when another relative of mine did the Empire State Building stair challenge or something. I donated, and then donated some more because it was for the Multiple Myeloma Research Foundation. This is the type of cancer that Nana, Aunt Cathy, and Daniel were diagnosed with. I have followed the foundation on Facebook ever since donating, and had always meant to participate. Now seems like as good of a time as any. Plus, I found an event in my area, so on Sunday, March 22 I will be participating in a 5K Run/Walk.

I am walking in Support of my cousin Daniel, and in Memory of his mom, Aunt Cathy, as well as in Memory of my Nana. When I looked through my photo albums for pictures I could not find any of Aunt Cathy, and my pictures with Daniel were so old I have to first stop caring how 1994 I look. It’s been a long time since we’ve had a visit. Plus, I should probably ask him if it’s okay for me to post pictures of him on the internet before going ahead with that, it’s the nice thing to do. I know Nana would approve of the picture I am using of her, so that is the one that is up for now.

Please donate if you can. If you can’t and are in the area, please come and walk with me. Or find an event in your own area. Thanks!!!!