Diaries of Miel

How I wanted to spend my Holy Week wasn’t what happened.

I will be explaining (because I want to) how I spent my holy week so expect a looooong entry.

I forgot to block my schedule for the Maundy Thursday and Good Friday so I ended up cancelling the retreat. My brother (the priest) was upset.

I spent these two days working even if I was also sick for a week. I am really exhausted.

The reason why I wanted to go on a retreat primarily was to get some rest from work, spiritual wellness was only second to my priority to be honest.

I was not even able to witness the renewal of vows of my brother on Maundy Thursday as a priest with the rest of the diocesan and religious in our diocese.

PALM SUNDAY

On Palm Sunday, an accident occurred at home early in the morning.

Usually on Sundays around 6am, I am left at home sleeping. Both my parents are in the church for the 2nd Sunday mass in our parish and my brother is still at work when he is on a night shift.

During that week, my brother was in a night shift, and blessing in disuise he had a minor motor accident again for the nth time so he had a sick leave (his leg was severely swollen with deep cuts on it) and was in his room sleeping when it happened.

Both my parents were ready to leave for church when they realized part of the wall in the dining room opposite my brother’s room was already in flames. Also the opposite wall in my brother’s room was also in flames too. My brother heard a soft sound of like a bomb exploding.

I was awake when they were all busy putting off the fire. I did not bother to go out of my room since I know they can do it also I went to sleep 5am, I was sick with fever and very tired but the knock on my room became louder I cannot pretend anymore I was still sleeping.

I could not go back to sleep the whole morning since we had to wait for an electrician to fix everything and it was so darn hot. The fire started because of faulty wirings.

If my brother did not have the accident and was on his night shift on his job and if my parents had already left for church, I would not be able to post this entry today, instead I would be found in an urn or buried roasted somewhere. My bedroom’s next to my brothers’ and if the fire had consumed the dining room and my brothers’ , there would be no way for me to get out as my jalousies were difficult to break as they were closed well because of the airconditioner beside, I was also sleeping.

I attended a birthday party of my godchild in the late evening. I hate parties but I had to since I never attended any of their birthday parties and I feel so rude about it. Also, the father is a very close friend of mine since we were students and he was home and will be back to the Middle East today so I have to see him too. He married one of my close friends too who grew up with me in the same neighborhood.

I was about to attend the last mass when I got nauseated I had to stay with my old friends I hadn’t hanged out with for quite a long time already: the father of the child: Zander and PJ Lacia (in my FB).

Pj’s parents owned a very beautiful house somewhere in Davao City and when he was still a student, the mom asked if I can stay with him together with Zander who was also a student at that time. I was I think 5 years senior from them. I was already working then.

Pj’s mom provided everything from paying all the bills to groceries for our food since according to her, we were giving them a favor. Zander and I would still insist to  share with the bills and the grocery so we always had a lot of food. Pj’s family owns the biggest poultries in our town with a lot of businesses and they also happen to own the private beach where I already posted before and the pics were also in my FB.

It was during that time we became closer yet turned things the other way around: they became notorious for pranks because of me, and their once so thin and small body transformed into fat with round potbellies.

I was the cook with the deal that I would never do any other house chores like cleaning or arranging.

We were all hooked into the popular Hunter X Hunter which is by the way my favorite anime.

The house was beautifully situated on a hill and the last house on the last block of the village. So when the tricycle came on the street, we can see by the door who is coming 100 meters away.

Since I was already working then and they were still in the university, I was the one who always came home first.

I was already familiar with their schedules so when it would be like minutes before their arrival in the evening, I would switch off the lights on the living room (they can see the lights from afar). When the tricycle came, I would slowly go out from the door to the terrace or balcony CRAWLING and hid behind the wall beside the stairs.

I would end up rolling on the floor laughing after I saw their scared faces when I shout at them while they’re climbing on the stairs.

The evenings would be spent watching TV, or singing and strumming the guitar, or them studying and since it was always very quiet, I would suddenly shout at the top of my voice like a man in amok and we would all end up giggling.

Until they learned to do the same things and the neighbors would complain of our shoutings on late evenings. Thursday night is chicherya and beer nights for them. I do not drink beer. Also I was banned from drinking when one time, I finished 3/4 of the Lambanog bottle. It was those flavored ones. I got drunk and called the boyfriend who was also their very close friend (and was on Cavite at that time waiting for his departure to work abroad), and broke up with him. It caused quite a stir for them so they hid any alcoholic drinks away from me.

I miss hanging out with these guys. They treat me like one-of-the-boys all the time. PJ was surprised when I got so sleepy and fiddled my fingers on the table cloth and started to suck my tongue again,

“naga-dede pa diay ka ‘te?’

It’s like thumbsucking but not really and I still do it when I am bored or sleepy or not feeling well.

I was not anymore on a playful mood but the two of them would never stop bullying me in front of new and other old acquaintances. It was like their time to put on revenge after all these years.

I miss their company very much. Pj promised he will bring me to his tennis classes if I also promise to sleep in the evening. He also promised he will bring me when they go scuba diving.

Black Saturday

It was the eve of my mother’s birthday. With fever, I went to the grocery because my unconcerned brother opted to be with his girlfriend rather than helping me carry the bags. He went with me to SM and I was so touched by his concern even if his leg was swollen, only to find out, because he was eyeing on a pair of Nike slippers and wants me to buy it for him. After the grocery, he just accompanied me to the bus station and left me with all those effing bags.

When I was home, my head was cracking from pain, I cancelled my classes. I spent the rest of the afternoon preparing for the party on Sunday.

We never had a birthday party for my mother for decades and now is the time we give it to her.

Winston, a suitor, was so persistent that we should attend the mass together. I do not entertain him but due to my family’s insistence that I should be nice to him because he is a son of a close family friend, I agreed to do so.

My family was upset because when he sent messages if he can visit home, I would reply around midnight saying I just read his sms. If he calls, I do not answer.

When he said he was already coming to fetch me at home, I hurriedly went to church alone. Our house is around 5 minute walk to the church, luckily I saw my close friend, a neighbor, with her husband and child walking too.

I saw Winston on his motorbike going to our house. He did not recognize me since he thought I was still waiting for him. My parents got mad with what I did they said I was acting like a teenager on a first date though I kind of felt guilty so I approached him when I saw him at the church.

Yet more and more I felt so bad being with him. My friends saw me with him and I do not want to.

Aside from that, a crush (i already posted an entry about him lat year) was seated right behind me.

He was an ex-seminarian who is currently taking up law in Ateneo de Davao.

He seldom attends mass in our parish since he stays in Davao City. He is a close friend of my brother, who is according to him, is very smart and kind…

Matagal na kasi akong nagpapa cute sa kanya.

I was literally kicking the kneeler with my right leg because I was really upset. I was really so upset one tear fell on my right cheek. Winston probably saw it he asked me what’s wrong, I told him my head was aching so badly.

I miss having a boyfriend but I do not like him it made me cry with anger.

After the mass, Winston asked if we could eat dinner and I told him I want to go home alone. He said he’ll bring me home and I said no. He just asked that he’d hope I would reply to his sms and I just smiled. I invited him to dinner for my mother’s birthday he looked excited but I did not say anything more so he could understand I was just saying it out of politeness.

He sent a text message if I already feel well after an hour when I was home. That was the last message I recieved from him. Though he said that never in his life did he pray so fervently as he did that night for me and for us.

Now, I have to pray more piously to rebuke him.