I’ve been on some medication with some serious side effects like drowsiness that has now turned into insomnia. Yes, In just a month, I think I’ve seen it all. (Ok, more of felt/experienced it all but ya’ll get the drift right?)

The only thing that has kept me going through all this is the one person that I have in my life. Always there to support me in any and all situations. Constantly being there for me and taking me to hospital and just sitting there in the waiting room as I get poked with a million and one injections. (I should probably mention that I have now officially or is it forcefully, I guess maybe circumstantially overcome my fear of injections) I know you all expect me to coin out the name of a member of my family. As weird, complicated and narcisistic as the members may be. You’re all wrong and from the description, you know why. No? Well… Ok. It’s the one person who you rely on and commit to. You know, the boyfriend, husband, more than a friend, etc. Whatever you call that person. The one wearing those shoes in my life, that one.

He has been there through out this whole experience of unexpected injury, sudden dependence, that I hate by the way, among many other things such as moving away from my house. Sigh! I miss that place.

Anyway, I seem to have digressed from my main issue. My apologies. As I seem to have weird sleeping patterns which are slowly resulting to lack of sleep all together, I have resolved to doing alot of reading. Yes, anyone who knows me clearly knows that reading has never been a favourite. Mainly because that’s another blog post waiting to happen. Ok, back to the main lane.

A workmate recently gave me fifty sheds of grey at work. The author of this here book, must be a witch, with some weird twisted imagination or experiences. She captures your attention and manipulates your imagination amonth other things. Leaving you with, well, a filthy mind. Some things, you cannot unread. So, given that I’ve read all three fifty sheds of grey books, a spanish novel, <yes, I think I know enough spanish that will last me 10 lifetimes> and all my blog posts. As ‘many’ as they are. I therefore resolved to reading other people’s blog posts as well. And by other people, I mean, the boyfriend’s/special friend/whatever you would like to call him *refer to earlier paragraph*. Great idea right?

You be the judge of that. Since I got into his life, on the 17th of March 2012, he hasn’t been doing alot of blogging during the 11 months we’ve been together. Reasons best known to himself. (I won’t start dishing out excuses on his behalf. I’m not one of those desperate ladies, *God bless their souls* who would blame their boyfriends’ change of character/behavior/mistakes or wharever else on the Mayans just so they may seem to keep their shit together. My advice, You’d rather be alone than unhappy)

So, I end up reading posts from previour years which so happens that most of them are about his past relationship. You see, I don’t get why people lie. Especially when its about your past. Especially about your social life. I mean, the world is a pebble nowadays, whatever you did in whichever continent shall soon come to light if it hasn’t come to light already. So please, stop dishing those petty lies of ‘I’ve never ……… bla bla bla whatever’ In this day and age of camera phones and blogs, darling, you shall soon be exposed…

I’m sure you’re all wondering what I’m on about. Well, in this past year, I have heard alot of *First time statements* Especially when it comes to our relationship and the future. But after going through the blog posts, I now realise that maybe there is a new meaning of first that I am yet to come across that means well, *Not first*.

People are different. That, we all know. And that is why the world is such an awesome place to live in. You get to have friends and enemies and awesome people like comedians, sad people, black, white, Asian, different cultures, and all. But then again, when you are trying to look for a life partner, or a temporary partner, ok, lets go with a companion, I believe in honesty. Just be frank with me. Do not fill my head with unnecessary lies just to make me feel special. I’ve gone through so much drama and shit in my life. You would know that.(Wait, am I allowed to say shit here? Shit! Oh well, you know what they say, three times is a charm 🙂 )

So, with all that said and done. It’s not a crime to keep the living memories of your ex alive. You know, you swearing that you will never forget her and planning water births with her, Oh, and the adorable special letters to The Most High requesting for sons because the daughters would be as cute and beautiful as their mother and you are scared you might be unable to protect them. But don’t look me in the eye and tell me that you have never had that experience or discussion before with anyone else. I mean, honestly, you might as well have claimed to be a mammoth.

Morale of the story: I don’t know, you figure it out…

So, one of my resolutions this year was to keep fit. Meh, Im sure I wasn’t the only one. Everyone tends to over indulge during the holiday season though that was not the case for me.

Anyway, I started walking more. Most of the times with the mother in law who is great company by the way. Changed my diet and all. Little did I know what was up ahead.

My manager decided to put me on a 2 day job in Upper Hill. The thought of being given just two days to complete the job was annoying but the fact that it was just walking distance from my house was a plan. Walking to and from work for those two days would bring me closer to my dream weight goal right?! Right?!

Wrong, it so happens that the disses I get from my bro about my weight and the fact that my COG is not fixed in my body were not so far from the truth. I decided to take the route that cuts across the railway from Upper Hill to Madaraka. As I was looking for the outlet to Mada, I slipped and fell. Broke two bones in my ankle. You know, the ones that protrude, the crucial ones, yep. Those ones. The pain!!!! I should probably add that I was wearing flat shoes. Yes, flat shoes. No heels. Infact, we can safely conclude that I cannot walk in heels lest I dislocate my hip.

I thought it was a dislocation. You know, the one that can just be turned back to normal and I can walk again? Yeah, that. But at the back of my mind, I could have sworn I heard the sound of that bones breaking. Sigh, anything to give me enough hope to get to the hospital and ignore the pain. I decided to stick to dislocation.

Major props to one lady called May. Not only is she my mentor, but she also became my guardian angel that day. Ran to my rescue. Tried carrying me. (Note how Im almost twice her weight). Kept me company in hospital as I was getting high on painkillers. This here lady, is an angel.

Anyway, a 5 hour surgery later, enough hours in physiotherapy which was a constant reminder of how unfit I am, and a whole week in hospital eating bad saltless tasteless food, I can safely conclude that resolutions are made to be broken. In my case, literally of course. So, my advice is forget about those your resolutions. Life’s too short…

I know it’s been a while. And a hell lot has happened during that time. So, it’s for catching up with what I can remember.

I’ve gained a lot of weight since, well, I guess i’d have to go with Christmas. And I now look like I’m trying to balance a pot on my hips. So, I’ve resolved to do some running every morning. Jeez! Ain’t I unfit ladies and gentlemen. I can barely do 5 laps non-stop. I need that work out. For realz!

My mum in law is pretty cool though… We have had a lot more time to spend together and bond. She gives me the giggles though. She creates such a comfortable environment when I’m around and makes me feel at home. If only the Narc would do even an eighth of that. Life would be so awesome. I’m so grateful that she is trying to make me feel welcome. It’s a big deal to me. A great deal actually.

So, My bro just turned 10 more years older than me. Lol!!! I know, I know…. You all wish I could say how old he is. Ha! He was super happy on his bday. I got him the first cake he has ever been bought for in his whole life. Yes, again I say, the Narc is special… Anyway, he has survived this far, so, yaaaaaaaay!!!!! Happy 10 years older bro… Anyway, on top of that, cuddles came over with drinks. We had a blast just drinking and talking and then went out to Buru. To show cuddles the other side of town he has never been to. Maaaaard brownie points he earned from that. At least, he got to meet the dowry panel and make a good impression… #Nopressure….. 

I can remember a lot more but I have to get back to work so, it’s till next time. I hope it will be soon enough. 🙂

After drafting and redrafting the post I had in mind, I’ve decided to summarize it in song as I really really, reaaaaaaaaaaaalllllllllyyyyyyy suck at expressing myself in a non-vulgar way. So, enjoy. I know I’m not.

I got the real meaning of this song today after the chat we had.

Well. I guess I should make some lemonade with the lemons you delivered on a silver platter and sip on it while I dance in the rain innit?!

I sure won’t be tolerating any BS no more. I have reached my threshold. Just so you know…

I just hope the next song i’ll post won’t be “THE” Olivia song. For your own sake………..

For luck of a more appropriate song to describe just what I you have put me through and how I feel, I shall have to go with this one.

So,recently, I had a reunion with my old buddies. Wow, it has been a while.!. I must say. A very long time… I guess, it’s shame on me.

Apparently, one of them had bumped into the Narc and they had a pretty interesting conversation about me. Let’s call it catching up. Apparently, I live in Uthiru, thanks to my sister who needed a lie to go out at the tender age of almost 30. I mean, really?
As expected, she also pulled out that oh so common invitation to the pity party. It’s all about the audience. My daughter this, and my daughter that, oh, I miss her, tell her to come home and visit, bla bla BS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And as my so called friend tried to persuade me to hear her cry, I kept replaying all the drama that mother took me through in the name of parenthood. Don’t get me wrong, i highly appreciate the experience. It has indeed made me who I really am today. You know, tough on the inside, all ninja turtle and shit on the outside. But really, I always played 15th after all the members of her family. Now, twenty something years later, after the key participants in her family die, and she comes to a certain realisation that the rest are no better than parasites, she comes mending fences?!

I remember when she thought I was nothing but a wh%$#, drug peddler and con”woman” to her and she did not want anything to do with such filth. I slept hungry for many a times in campus and operated as a thief since my rent could not be paid as she would not let anyone else come between her and her dream of attaining a phd. When my own sister would tell me to go and negotiate school fees because she wanted a slice of it for her own personal use since it had to be sent to her as I could not be trusted.

I mean, really, am I supposed to forget all that?

I remember when I was young, there was a movie titled “Escape from Sobibor(1987)”. It was pretty much one of the five movies that was aired on national television almost every weekend. Ever heard of the “Return to Sobibor”?! It’s been 25 years and still counting. My advice is don’t hold your breathe.

Ever had one of those days when you just feel like you could show your middle finger to the whole world and then go home and sleep it off and wake up the next day with your memory erased of all the drama? Well, i have had a series of months just like that. 6 months to be precise. Everything going wrong everywhere. No warning, nothing, heart break, torment, pain, anger, distress, depression, discomfort, EXTREME ANGER, neglect, name it.
I have been through hell. I am still being shown around given what happened today. But it is not an issue. Life has to go on. Come rain, come hail. It is what it is.