Felip

“I’m so sorry,” Isa said as I watched her rummage in her cabinets, looking for something to cook. “I haven’t had time to go food shopping.”

“That’s new,” I said dryly. “So you’re cooking at home now, too?”

She turned and looked at me, embarrassment all over her features. “You got me there.” 

I walked over and didn’t stop until I was in front of her, only an inch between us. Her face lifted to look at me, and I couldn’t help but smile, the giddiness overtaking me again. So pretty, I thought, reminding me of the first thing that came to my mind when we first met, except now, she was really mine. I kissed her forehead before perusing the cabinet she had opened, taking out a few packets of instant noodles. 

“This is good,” I said, and she frowned. 

“We’re not having instant noodles for your birthday,” she responded, “we can go out and get something else.”

“Isa, it won’t be the first time that I would eat this for my birthday,” I told her. “And from what I can remember, that last time hadn’t been bad, either. In fact, I cried because I was so happy eating it then.”

“You were?”

“Yes,” I replied. “Because it’s not about the food. My sister visited me, and I was so thankful that I remember it to this day as having been my best birthday. Until today, anyway.”

“But still.” She sighed. “Should we order some chicken or something?”

I laughed. “You remembered.”

“I remember everything about you. What little I know, anyway.”

“You know we have videos online, right?”

“Oh yeah, I know,” she answered with a shrug. “I’m sure Michelle has already watched all of them. She probably knows more about you than I do. Besides, it felt intrusive to be the one watching videos and learning about you like that when I know you in real life.”

“As opposed to fake life.”

“Careful,” she said. “My sarcasm is rubbing off on you.”

“It wasn’t just your sarcasm that was rubbing off on me a few minutes ago.”

“Stop it. You said so yourself, we have to take it slow.”

“Not that slow,” I teased, enjoying how prettily she blushed. 

“Anyway,” she continued, clearing her throat. “I did see your performance of ‘Gento’, though. On the Wish Bus?”

“Oh yeah? What did you think?”

She opened a drawer and pulled out a few menus before placing them on the counter. “I think Stell’s voice is beautiful, Pablo is excellent. Justin sounded amazing. Josh’s delivery was very good, too.”

“And me?”

“You don’t need me to tell you my opinion, do you?”

“Maybe,” I said, trying to sound casual even though I truly was curious as to what her thoughts were. 

“Well, I…” she said, wrapping her arms around me, “…think you’re very talented. I see a bright future ahead of you. I also think…” She pressed a soft kiss on my lips. “…you have way too many female fans.”

---

Isabelle

“You have way too many female fans.”

A smile played on the corner of his mouth before he started laughing earnestly, and I felt my cheeks lifting up completely, along with the corners of my eyes. He took one look at me and stopped, his expression changing.

“What?” I asked. 

“You’re beautiful.”

“And you, sir,” I gave him an affectionate hug, “are biased. But thank you, anyway.” 

I busied myself with taking out plates and utensils when I heard his voice. “Is that a problem, Isa? That I have female fans?”

“No, of course not,” I answered. “It comes with the territory. That’s like you getting mad that I see naked people parts at work.”

“What naked people parts?” The surprise in his voice had me looking at him only to see him so completely puzzled. 

I looked at him pointedly and directed my gaze downwards, trying not to laugh. “You know.”

“No, I don’t know,” he said. 

“Anyway,” I continued, “I met some of your fans when I came to the Philippines, and they seem nice. “

“You did?”

I nodded. 

“If it hadn’t been for Maggie, I wouldn’t have been able to go backstage. If I hadn’t done that, Pablo wouldn’t have known I was there. If Pablo hadn’t known about me being there, no one would have taken me to the back. If I hadn’t done that, I wouldn’t have met your whole group and if that hadn’t happened, you wouldn’t be here.”

“Someone will really need to tell me everything that’s happened,” he said, shaking his head. “I can’t believe I missed it all.”

“You didn’t miss much,” I replied, “you know, just a bunch of people who love you doing all kinds of things because they love you. Not that much at all.”

---

We spent the time we had waiting for the fried chicken to arrive preparing the noodles. Much like he did that first night he came over to my house to cook, Felip tried to get me to sit down while he made the food, something I vehemently took an objection to. I might not have been able to give him a proper meal, but I wanted to at least be able to say that I helped.  

We ate in silence once the food was prepared and the fried chicken had arrived, our eyes occasionally meeting, still in disbelief that this was how tonight ended, realizing that we haven’t really established a plan. The tension between us thrummed, and I felt it intensify even as we cleaned up, our bodies occasionally touching. 

“Do you want to watch a movie?” I finally said, unsure really of what we were supposed to do now. I felt a restless energy inside of me, and I was afraid that if we didn’t do some innocent, innocuous activity that we would end up doing the absolute opposite. 

Felip seemed aware of this too, as he dried his hands quickly and went straight to the living room, where he knew my DVDs were. He had pulled a movie out and already placed it in the DVD player before I could even approve. 

I sat down on the couch as the movie played, Felip stiff next to me. I was bemused, thinking that less than two hours ago, he had me pressed against the wall. I yawned midway through the movie, just now feeling how tired I was. 

Felip looked at me in concern. 

“Are you sleepy?” he asked. 

“It’s been an exciting day.”

“Do you want me to leave? I can come back tom…”

I shook my head. Just because I wasn’t quite sure what we’re allowed to do doesn’t mean that I don’t want him here with me. 

“Nope,” I responded. “You’re not allowed to go anywhere.” He laughed and the tension lessened. “I need to lie down though.”

He stood up and tried to move to the end of the couch before I stopped him. 

“No. We’ve established we’re in love so we should be able to at least be close together, right?” He nodded, his eyes blinking at me. “I’ll lie down, and you can lie down behind me. See? No monkey business.”

“Okay.”

I stood up as he laid down towards the back of the couch, lifting himself on an elbow before patting the spot in front of him and propping a pillow. I smiled and laid down, keeping my focus on the TV in front of us.

At first he kept his hands to himself, but within minutes I felt an arm around my waist. I was about to tease him about it, about not being able to keep his hands off me, when I looked back and saw that he had fallen asleep. 

I turned my whole body and gazed at him at my leisure, enjoying the sight of him next to me. I took the pillow out and placed his arm under my head, putting my arm under his. I spread the throw over both of us, closed my eyes and fell asleep. 

---

Felip

I felt some movement in my arms and opened one eye to see Isa wiggling around. 

“Isa, what are you doing?”

“Oh,” she said, her eyes opening in surprise and then in apology, “I wasn’t trying to wake you up. I was just trying to get comfortable.”

We were connected from chest to hip, our legs tangled together, one of my arms supporting her head. One of her arms was tucked under my arm, her hair splayed all over the couch. She moved her hips as she adjusted her position, and I became aware of how close we were lying together. 

I started trying to breathe slowly, keeping my eyes tightly shut. She continued to move, her hips dangerously rubbing against me, and I swallowed a curse. And then a laugh. 

This woman. 

Is she doing this on purpose or was she completely unaware? Granted, we had fallen asleep clothed with what we had been wearing all night, but these clothes weren’t really offering me any protection at this point. I could feel her every movement, my body coming dangerously alive. 

I released a deep breath, and she stopped for a few seconds, before the shimmying began again. I grabbed her hip with my free arm to make her stop. 

“Isa,” I croaked, my voice strained. 

“What?” She asked. “What’s wrong?”

“Please,” I said, opening my eyes to see her looking at me worriedly. “Stop moving.”

She blinked at me for a few seconds, her expression comical. I was tempted to laugh, but then her eyebrows narrowed as realization dawned. She bit her lip. 

“Is that…” she said, cocking her head. “Are you…”

“Isa, please,” I said, fixing my gaze on the wall behind her and reminding myself to breathe. “You’re killing me here.”

Her living room was quiet, lit only by the television screen light, the movie we had been watching long over. We were warm under her thick throw, although the couch really was too small for both of us to be lying on it. 

This worked for my benefit earlier, but it seems that this strategy was now working against me. It was just my luck to be with a woman who was so completely oblivious to her own allure. 

“I’m sorry,” she said, her other arm snaking around me to rub my back, her palm moving up and down as if trying to soothe me. 

“Just give me a minute.”

I bent down and rested my cheek on her head, my hand absent-mindedly smoothing her hair. Isa stayed still in my arms, her breath on my neck. 

We stayed like that for an eternity. Thinking she had fallen back asleep, I gave myself permission to peek at her face, only to see her watching me, her eyes both dreamy and drowsy. 

“I can’t believe you’re here,” she whispered. 

“I was bound to come back to America sooner or later.”

“I don’t mean America. I mean, here, on the couch with me.”

“I know.” I pressed my lips on her forehead. 

I heard a sharp intake of breath. “But don’t you think this couch is too small for us?”

“A bit.”

“Do you think we should move to the bedro…”

“Isa.”

“I’m just saying,” she continued softly, “we might be more comfortable there?”

I clicked my tongue. “You are too tempting for your own good.”

“What? Why?” Her voice was plaintive, her feet rubbing against my calves. 

“We can’t move to your bed.” 

“I can control myself if you can.”

“You’re setting me up for failure.”

“I’m not,” she said, lifting her head to look at me, her face serious. “I have faith in you.”

She must really mean what she’s saying if she’s staring at me like that, her lower lip slightly pouted, sleep still evident in her eyes. She looks so delicious it’s taking everything in me to keep my resolve strong. 

“Besides,” she continued. Her hand on my back resumed its movement, except this time, her exploration was a bit slower. In my head, I started counting, trying to keep myself focused on all the reasons why we shouldn’t move to the bed. I can feel everything that she’s doing, and that, combined with her vicinity, is wreaking havoc with my brain. What the hell were we talking about? “We’re grown adults. It’s not like we can’t handle our hormones.”

Her hand paused before I felt the contact of a warm palm under the hoodie I wore, her fingers starting to move towards my front. My abdomen tightened.

“Isa,” I squeaked and almost jumped off the couch. 

“Hmm?”

“Please…” I took a deep breath. Bayang magiliw, perlas ng silanganan. Alab ng puso sa dibdib mo’y buhay. “Just… go back to sleep.”

---

The next time I woke up, I was alone. I sat up on the couch and rubbed my eyes, looking around for Isa, but she was nowhere to be found. I glanced at my watch, surprised to see it was already 8 a.m. and stood up. 

A post-it note on the coffee table stopped me, and I picked it up. 

Went to get some groceries for breakfast. Can’t have the birthday boy starving. Feel free to help yourself to whatever’s in the kitchen. There’s a spare toothbrush in the bathroom. Be back soon. 

I love you. Isa.

Reading that last sentence brought a smile to my face, though I wished she had waited for me. I headed to the bathroom, at first unsure of where to go, and walked down the hallway. Isa’s bedroom was at the end of the hall, her door slightly ajar. I glimpsed a king sized bed, the covers made up. There were various floral prints on the wall behind it, her bedside table holding only a lamp.

The door to my right led me to the bathroom. I splashed water over my face, and brushed my teeth, humming a tune under my breath. My eyes still looked tired in the mirror, bags visible. I ended up falling back asleep in the middle of the night after Isa did. But even with that one eventful interruption, I feel more well rested than I have in months. 

It had been one sleepless night after another since Boston, her memory haunting me even asleep. But now… I couldn’t help but smile as I replayed everything that’s happened in the last twenty-four hours, from boarding the plane after having been ambushed by Pablo with news of a sudden performance, to waking up with Isa in my arms. 

I reminded myself to buy each of my members something good before returning to the hotel as I exited the bathroom. I had just pulled out a mug from a cabinet to try making coffee, when the front door opened, and I heard a flurry of activity. 

I walked over to see Isa, back in her puffer coat and beanie, carrying plastic bags on her arms. Her cheeks were flushed from being outside, her hands covered in gloves. She had just slipped off her sneakers and put her feet into slippers when she looked up and our eyes met. 

Her face broke out in a wide smile, her eyes filling with happiness. 

“You’re awake.” 

“I am,” I said as I approached her and placed a kiss on her lips. She beamed at me, her face cold. I took the bags from her and brought them to the kitchen, realizing only moments later that she had not yet followed. I turned around to see her standing where I left her.

“What’s the matter?” I asked. 

“I don’t think I’ll ever get used to seeing you here.” She walked over to where I was and wrapped her arms around me. “I feel like I’m living in a dream right now.”

“It’s not a dream,” I reassured her. “I’m here. I’ll be here again. You need to get used to seeing me here because you’ll be seeing me a lot.”

“Really?” 

Her tone was hopeful, and I nuzzled her cap-covered hair. I realized that we still haven’t quite spoken about what happens now, but I’m sure that will come in time. 

“Absolutely.”

She pulled away and took off her coat, placing it on the back of one of her dining room chairs as I started digging through the bags. She had just taken her beanie off when the doorbell rang. 

“Are you expecting anyone?” I asked. 

“No,” she answered, looking baffled. 

We stood there looking at each other wondering what to do. It rang again. 

“Maybe if we ignore it, they’ll just go away?” she asked. “No one really visits me without notice.”

There was silence for a second, and I thought maybe what she said had worked, until the doorbell rang again. And then again. 

I walked over to her front door and opened it, only to see Pablo, Stell, Josh, and Justin on the other side. 

“So, you are alive,” Josh said dryly before entering the loft. 

---

Isabelle

I looked around, slightly overwhelmed, at the number of people now sitting around my dining room table, realizing only now that my loft has never had this many people over at the same time. Everyone was talking amongst each other, with Pablo and Stell sat on one side, and Justin and Josh on the other. 

Felip had already brought the rice to the table just minutes before. There were heaping platters full of eggs, longganisa, and tocino alongside it. I held in my hands a bowl of chopped tomatoes, mangoes, and chopped onions in fish sauce. 

Thank God I had the foresight to make the trek across town and replenish my groceries. 

“You okay?” Felip asked, placing a hand on my back. 

“Yeah,” I said in a whisper. “Do you think we have enough food?”

“Don’t worry about…”

He was interrupted by Pablo, who smiled at me. 

“Sorry to barge in, Isa. Michelle had given us your address. Ken wasn’t answering his texts again,” he said with a pointed look at Felip, “so we wanted to make sure everything was good.” He looked at the food before him. “You really didn’t have to cook all this.”

“I know,” I replied. “But I was just about to make Felip his birthday breakfast anyway, so it’s really no bother.”

Stell started laughing, and Justin nudged him on the side. 

“I can’t get used to you calling Ken Felip,” he said. 

“Why not?” Felip asked next to me before giving me a squeeze and taking the bowl to the table. “It is my name.”

I gave Stell a genuine smile, remembering how he tried to make me comfortable when I first met all of them, before I followed Felip and sat down on the seat at the head of the table. Pablo bowed down with his hands together and we all followed before he led us in prayer. 

“Let’s eat,” he declared once finished, reaching for the rice. 

“Everything looks great, Ate,” Justin said appreciatively. 

“Thank you,” I answered. “It’s not much, but it’s better than nothing. Felip and I only ate instant pancit canton and fried chicken last night. Please, help yourselves. There’s bottled water in the fridge and the coffeemaker is right there, if you’d rather have that.”

“Ken must be the only one in the world who had the same exact meal on his birthday on two different years,” Josh said, laughing. 

My eyes met Josh’s across the table, and I was surprised at the humor I saw in them. He was looking at me with such a different expression than he did at our first encounter. His laugh tapered off, and I saw Felip, looking from me to Josh, with a puzzled look on his face. 

“Is this something I need to feel jealous about?” he asked, although his tone was teasing. 

“You mean Ate Isa hasn’t told you?” Justin asked. “How Josh interrogated her the first time we all met?”

“She was so pissed.” Stell added a spoonful of the tomato and mango salad on his plate after taking a bite of tocino. “I thought she was going to explode.”

“I wasn’t going to explode.”

“No, she hasn’t,” Felip answered. “But I can believe it. We didn’t exactly get around to talking about… all that last night.”

Stell grinned. “I bet.”

Pablo cleared his throat. “So, Isa. Ken says you grew up here?”

“In New Jersey,” I responded, nodding. “So yeah.”

“And what do you do for work?” Justin asked. “I’m assuming you don’t sing, right?”

“No, not at all. I’m a nurse. Last night’s performance was just supposed to be a one and done type of situation.”

“You could sing, though,” Pablo commented. “You have a great vocal range.”

“Thank you, I’ve had plenty of karaoke practice.”

“So how,” Josh said in between bites, “are you guys planning on doing this?”

I thought about his question, not exactly understanding what he meant. I was still trying to decide whether to ask for clarification or formulate a response when Felip spoke. 

“Well, I guess now that I’m her boyfriend, I’ll just have to come back more often? Or Isa can come visit the Philippines, too.”

My fork was stopped midway to my mouth. “You’re my boyfriend?”

“What else would I be?” 

He was scowling, his lower lip in a pout, and I was jolted by the sight. This is not the performer onstage with the cool aura. I guess this was another facet of him that I have yet to know.

I smiled before I resumed eating. “I guess I have a boyfriend now.”

“Did you guys not talk about this last night?” Pablo asked. “What exactly did you two do?” Both Felip and I snapped our heads to look at him, and I could feel a flush starting on my cheeks. “You know what, I don’t want to know.”

---

January 11, 2025

Felip

Something’s gotten under Isa’s skin, I thought, as she threw her heels off her feet and stomped into the loft without looking at me. Her place was only lit by the recessed light in her kitchen. 

I’m back in New York City for our first year anniversary, and I had just taken her out for a meal at Schilling’s to celebrate. 

She walked across the hardwood floors, dropping her purse off on the dining room table and taking off her coat. She stopped and grabbed a water bottle from the fridge before she turned, took off her gloves, and looked at me. 

I noted the annoyance in her gaze, what seemed like anger coming off her in waves. Even so… I whistled under my breath as I studied her. 

I’ve seen my woman in the past year in mostly casual outfits, pajamas, or scrubs. She’d always worn very little to no makeup, claiming that she cannot be bothered. 

The careless way she treated her beauty was one of her best qualities, and it was something I really appreciated about her. 

But… Isa outdid herself tonight. Her hair was in a loose chignon low on her neck, wispy strands framing her beautiful face. Her eyes were smoky and appeared even larger, if that were possible. She had gloss on her lips, making them look impossibly full. The dress she wore was one I’d never seen, a vision in cream colored georgette with blue flowers, with off the shoulder sleeves, sweetheart neckline, and a cinched waist. It flowed in ruffles throughout, all the way to the floor. The diamond earrings she wore winked at me under the light, a gift I had given her on her last birthday. 

She was standing upright, tension evident on her creamy shoulders. Her tattoos peeked out in various places, and I wonder, not for the first time, how she would react if I pressed a kiss on each and every one of them. 

She was still glaring at me, and I couldn’t for the life of me figure out what I did to make her so mad. We even took a walk to Pier 17 to enjoy the view. But she’s been in a temper since we started walking home, and I didn’t think to ask because Isa would tell me what’s wrong eventually. 

If I’d learned one thing being with her and loving her this past year, it was that she was assertive and honest about everything. Once she made the decision to be with me, she had no trouble expressing everything on her mind.

She never played any games, and I never had to guess. Her behavior now puzzled me. 

“What’s wrong?” I asked, taking my coat and shoes off before shrugging off my suit jacket. I took off my cufflinks before unbuttoning the top button on my shirt. I loosened my tie, slipped it over my head, and placed it on the table.

“What do you think is wrong?” She snapped. 

“Oh, I don’t know, Isa.” I kept my voice light, and she narrowed her brows even more. “I’m not the one having a tantrum right now.” 

I really couldn’t figure out what happened. I ran over in my mind anything and everything that could possibly put her in this state and could come up with nothing. 

“There were all these girls that approached you.”

“Babe, they were asking for an autograph,” I answered, “how was I supposed to know that people were going to recognize me? I’d have introduced you, but you were in the bathroom. Is that what you’re mad about?”

“No,” she said, crossing her arms over her chest. “I’m well aware of how many female fans you have.”

“Then what’s the matter?”

“Ugh,” she replied testily, “So, you have absolutely no clue. I can’t even with you right now.”  

“If thats not it, then what is it, babe?” When she didn’t answer, I sighed. “You have to tell me. At least so I can understand, apologize, whatever you need.”

“You really want to know?”

“Of course. If it bothers you this much, then I’d want to know all about it.”

It was so silent I could almost hear the clock ticking away. It was a few seconds before she spoke. “Why is it that everyone else is allowed to desire you but me?

“Excuse me?” I asked. “Of course you are.”

“No, I’m not. You don’t even want me.”

“What?” I asked. “You don’t think I want you?”

“I really don’t know. Maybe we’ve waited too long although technically it’s you who’s waited too long. I’ve tried so many times to give you the signal that I’m ready, and every single time you’ve been a gentleman and resisted me. I don’t even know how many other ways to say it without…”

She was talking to herself more than me. I could barely keep up with what she was saying, although I think I may be starting to get the gist. I hid a smile, though as soon as I realized that she was watching me, I straightened my face. 

“This is not funny.” 

A statement delivered in a sharp tone. I should have been irritated, but I’m not. The feeling of love filled me instead, thanking the powers that be that Isa chose me. I approached her in two steps, not stopping until I was in front of her.

“I don’t think it’s funny,” I said, my voice lowering. She lifted a defiant chin, her eyes blazing. “Isa, do you know how many showers I’ve taken in the past year?”

She shook her head, confused at the turn of the conversation. “I don’t know… 365?”

I chuckled. “I meant cold showers.” She blinked at me, realization dawning in her pretty eyes. “I’ve taken so many cold showers it’s a mystery I haven’t frozen up. Do you know how much I hate cold showers?”

She gave a quick shake of her head. 

“Do you know what I thought when I first saw you? Before I even found out that you were incredibly smart?” 

I ran my fingers on her neck, relishing the softness. Her breath hitched, her eyes closing, though she didn’t respond. 

“Pretty, I thought. I thought you were pretty then, but now, you’ve become so, so beautiful.” 

Every syllable was punctuated with a kiss. First on her shoulder, then on her collarbone. 

“You don’t think I’m consumed every second of the day with thoughts of you, wishing I was with you, wishing I was kissing and holding you? Every time I kiss you, I don’t ever want to stop.”

“Then why did you?”

I placed my hand on the base of her spine, pulling her closer to me. 

“Because I respect you. This, between us, means something. It matters. I wanted to show you that I can wait.”

“I never asked you to wait.”

---

Isabelle

I mean I know he talked about not rushing and being able to do it all day, but this is just ridiculous. I have to accept the fact that although this man claims to be in love with me, that he isn’t consumed with passion for me. 

The realization stung. It made me unreasonably angry. And now he’s asking me all kinds of questions, like he’s trying to distract me. 

I fumed. 

“Do you know what I thought when I first saw you?” He asked, his voice husky. “Before I even found out that you were incredibly smart?” 

I felt his fingers on my neck, and my breath hitched. I stayed silent and closed my eyes.

“Pretty, I thought.” I tried to slow down my breathing, his voice was almost hypnotic. “I thought you were pretty then, but now, you’ve become so, so beautiful.” 

I felt soft lips on one shoulder before trailing to my collarbone.

“You don’t think I’m consumed every second of the day with thoughts of you, wishing I was with you, wishing I was kissing and holding you? Every time I kiss you, I don’t ever want to stop.”

“Then why did you?”

He pulled me close.

“Because I respect you. This, between us, means something. It matters. I wanted to show you that I can wait.”

“I never asked you to wait.”

“No, you didn’t,” he agreed with a small smile, his hand cupping my face. “But I wanted to prove to myself that I was worthy of this. I told you, I’m in this for life. As long as you’ll have me, I’m yours.”

I softened hearing the sincerity in his words. What a thing to be upset over. I mean, so what if showing his love meant celibacy for us both? Our love was worth more than just a physical connection and sexual intimacy. 

“What are you thinking about?” Felip’s voice broke me out of my reverie. 

I smiled. “I’m thinking you’re right. There is no need to be…”

He chuckled. “You’re still not getting what I’m saying, are you?”

“I understand,” I said. “You’re saying that what we have is deeper, stronger than sex. What we have is…”

“That’s not it,” he answered, his other hand coming up back to the nape of my neck. “I’m really not good with words.”

“So you keep saying.”

“I guess I have no choice but to show you instead.”

He took my lips before I could speak, his breath releasing as he moved his mouth over mine. He tasted like coffee and every single one of my favorite things. Our tongues met and I sighed, my hands coming up to his chest. I nipped on his lower lip to urge the kiss deeper and elicited a low moan from him. I felt his hand move from my neck to my hair, his fingers gentle on my scalp. 

We were pressed together as close as we could be, not even an inch between us. I hadn’t even realized that we had started moving backwards until I felt a sharp edge, but it didn’t matter. My every sensation was entirely focused on him: the way he tasted and felt almost too much to bear. 

He dragged his lips from mine as he turned me around, his hands never losing contact. His lips blazed a trail on my neck, nibbling and sucking, my hands automatically splaying on the counter in front of me. Pleasure coiled as I felt his breath on my right scapula then on my upper back, resting finally on the top of my spine, his fingers on the zipper of my dress. I felt my dress falling away, goosebumps rising from the cold, until his lips started kissing every inch of skin he revealed. His touch was tender and reverent as if I was a piece of art to be marveled and treasured. 

This is so unfair, I thought silently. I want to see him too. I want to touch him too. 

I turned myself around as my dress pooled at my feet, and his eyes burned with intensity as he stopped and studied what he’d just uncovered. His eyes darkened, the pulse visible on his neck beating erratically. I let my eyes travel the length of him, female satisfaction thrumming as I confirmed that he was just as affected as I am. 

“You’re perfect.”

His voice was gravelly, even lower than usual. I held his gaze as I touched him, my fingers unbuttoning his shirt, sighing when I felt smooth skin. I only made it to two buttons, his mouth reclaiming mine in a frenzy as my bare chest rubbed against his. Our tongues danced together, his lips moving against mine. 

These buttons, I thought, why are there so many?

As if he heard me, he pulled away just enough, his mouth never leaving mine to take off his shirt. I heard a vague ripping sound before I felt his chest against me, and I almost cried with the sensation. My arms were wrapped around his neck, my fingers caught in his thick hair. 

Our hips were flush against each other, his arousal insistent on my abdomen. I lowered a hand to feel him, my pulse racing as I felt the hardness underneath. 

He groaned and pulled away, his hand on my wrist stopping me. He was breathing heavily, his eyes fixated on my lips, the hand that had been on my waist now in a closed fist at his side.

“Now’s your chance to say no, Isa,” he whispered. “Because if you don’t, there’s no going back.”

“Why would I say no? I’ve been saying yes all this time.”

His mouth was back on mine before I could say anything else, and I felt weightless as he lifted me off the ground. My legs wrapped around his waist, putting his arousal directly against the most sensitive part of me, and I moved my hips to get closer. 

How was it that there was only a thin piece of fabric between us, and it still didn’t feel enough?

I could barely register a thought as sensation after sensation swarmed me. I heard the sound of a door opening, and then I was placed gently on the bed. I opened my eyes when he lifted himself off me and met his, his gaze hungry. Lifting myself on my elbows, I watched as he took off his belt and then his pants, hoping that I wasn’t panting by the time his boxers came off.

My lips parted when I saw his heavy arousal, hard and ready. The light from my window cast shadows over his form, his tattoos stark against his golden skin. I had thought to say something sexy, something funny, anything at all, but I couldn’t speak. All I knew was that I wanted him back on me, and I wanted him in me. I wanted to have all of him. 

I sat up on the edge of the bed and pulled him closer to me. I stood up and kissed his neck, my tongue licking the spot that met his shoulders. My lips touched the tattoo on his side, my tongue tracing its outline, and he trembled. He stayed still when my lips traveled to his chest. I licked and kissed, not stopping until I reached his nipple, teasing and rubbing. I gave his nipple a little nibble and smiled when I heard him groan in pleasure. I touched his abdomen curiously, my fingers drifting over each dip and curve. 

When my tongue landed on his stomach he grasped my arm to pull me up to my feet, but I stayed put, my eyes on his arousal then to his eyes. I watched to see his reaction as I enfolded him in my lips, pleased when I saw that he was watching me, his dark eyes seemingly unable to look away. 

“Isa,” I heard him say as I kissed his length, my tongue darting out to lick the tip. “You don’t have to do this.”

“You think I’m doing this for you?” I asked, meeting his gaze, my hands now wrapping around his arousal. “I’m doing this for me. You should know by now I never do anything I don’t want to do.”

---

Felip

What a sight she made, her mouth on the hardest part of me. 

“I’m doing this for me,” she answered, her eyes never straying from mine. “You should know by now I never do anything I don’t want to do.”

Her mouth closed over my arousal, her lips firmly around my length. Her hands kneaded my back, fingernails digging as a hand cupped my buttocks. She started sliding her mouth over me, the sensation making goosebumps rise over my whole body. That along with the sight made my knees weak, and I hoped that I would survive long enough to give her the same pleasure. Her other hand was tracing circles on my abdomen, her eyes closed, looking like there was nothing else she’d rather be doing than this. 

Love coursed through my veins as I beheld the vision that was in front of me. I had always known that Isa was a passionate woman and had guessed that she would be a passionate lover, but this was more, felt more, than anything my imagination could have ever conjured up. 

I would have let her do this as long as she wanted, until I felt her tongue swirl at the tip of my arousal, her hand resuming what her mouth had just been doing. 

I heard her whimper in protest as I pulled her to her feet and kissed her. Lowering her onto the bed, I touched her face as I watched her watching me, her gaze cloudy with passion. I gave her lip one last suckle before my lips roamed to her neck, her skin soft and warm. Then over her arms and shoulder, where two of her tattoos were. 

Five out of how many? I thought, challenging myself even now to find out before the night was over. 

Our bodies were intertwined, with my weight between her legs, and I told myself to slow down and enjoy every second of this. 

She shivered when I nipped at her shoulder, my hand cupping her breast, squeezing gently. I took a hardened nipple in my mouth and she moaned, her fingers in my hair. I licked and sucked as she moved her hips restlessly against me. 

I know what it is she wants, but I won’t give it to her, at least not yet. 

I enjoyed having her like this, desperate and hungry for my touch, her body bowing with my every move. I moved my head to her other breast, kissing everything in between, my eyes fixed on another discovery: a tattoo on her left ribcage, and my mouth followed its path.

“Does this feel good?” I asked, and her eyes flew open. 

“Yes,” she answered. “You know it does.”

Holding her gaze, I lowered my hand between her legs, the warmth beckoning me. I rubbed over the flimsy fabric, and she clutched at the sheets, her head moving ever so slightly from side to side. I felt my arousal harden even more as I pressed kisses over her soft abdomen, my fingers itching to pry the bit of fabric that now separated my lips from the most sensitive part of her. 

I peeled her panties off, and had to remind myself to keep breathing as I saw her fully naked for the first time. The sight made my heart race, its pounding almost audible. The air was laced with anticipation, and I pressed a kiss to the butterfly on her right ankle, the first I noticed when we met, before moving to her inner thighs and then, finally, between her legs. My tongue darted out to explore, and she almost flew off the bed. 

“Shhh. Stay with me,” I told her, my hands firm on her hips. “Let me enjoy this.”

She was still tense even as she stopped moving, her hands on her side. I reached up and placed one on my hair as I resumed my discovery, needing her hand on me. The taste of her was like ambrosia, I couldn’t get enough. I licked the bud between her lips and sucked, enjoying the moans that I heard from her. I brought my hand up to feel her dampness, satisfaction rolling as I confirmed how ready she was. So wet and so warm, I thought, as I inserted a finger in her, my tongue licking and lapping. I advanced my finger deeper as she grabbed at my hair, her hips moving to the rhythm. She was chanting my name as if in a prayer, and I knew she was close. I locked my mouth against the sensitive skin between her legs and she cried out, her body tensing. I stayed on her as the little earthquakes subsided, only allowing myself to break contact to place my weight back over her, a tender hand on her hair. 

“You okay?” I asked as she gazed at me with her eyes clouded with passion, her cheeks flushed and lips bruised. She nodded. “Good. I wanted to make sure I took care of you.”

“Are we… are we done?” She looked disappointed, even as I just brought her to climax.

I chuckled and nuzzled her nose. “No, Isa, we’re just starting.”

I kissed her, closing my eyes. Her arms snaked around my neck as she wrapped her legs again around my waist, nothing in between us now. I touched her between her legs as I guided my arousal in her, savoring the feel of her around me. I swallowed a groan and a curse, my heart pounding. She was so tight. My gaze locked on hers, I thrusted ever so slightly, letting her body adjust to every inch. 

---

Isabelle

With his eyes closed, he kissed me. My arms around his neck, I wrapped my legs around his waist, his arousal at my core. I felt his hand between my legs as he entered my body. I closed my eyes at the intrusion, then relaxed when he paused. His eyes stayed on mine as he started moving, gently at first. 

I sighed with pleasure as he reached the hilt, cupping his face only to feel him kiss the center of my palm. I felt his length sliding in then pulling out, and then in again, deeper with each thrust. 

He held my waist as he sped up, keeping me grounded, making sure that I met his every move. I felt the sensation build up inside me again every time our hips met. He kissed my lips, eyes wide open, watching every one of my reactions, swallowing every sound I make. I grabbed his buttocks closer, enjoying the flexing of the muscles on his back from the exertion. His skin had a sheen of perspiration, his eyes focused on mine. 

He lowered his mouth to my nipple even as he slid deeper and deeper inside me, and pleasure took over my whole body. I started shaking, my release building up. He continued to move at the same pace, until I dug my fingernails onto his back to urge him faster. He tucked his head into the crook of my neck as he sped up. My fingers on his hair, I felt the tension in my body build and I knew that I was about to reach my peak. 

He lifted me off the bed, our bodies still connected, until I was the one on top of him. Without taking his eyes off mine, he started to undo my hair, much like he did so long ago now. He took off each pin until my hair fell in a thick cascade down my back. His mouth found mine as he slipped a hand between our bodies, his finger finding the sensitive spot between my legs. I felt myself explode, crying his name against his mouth as my climax took over. My nails digging into his back, I felt him tense as he thrust deeply one more time and groaned, my name on hi lips.

We held each other as the tension subsided, both of us trying to catch our breaths. His forehead on mine, he cleared his throat before he spoke. 

“Wow.” His hands were rubbing my back, his tone wondrous. “Just… wow.”

I gave a low laugh. “I know, right? I’m still not quite sure why we waited so long, but it was worth it.” I pressed a kiss on his nose. “I love you.”

“I love you.” He brushed the hair that had fallen over my shoulder back, placing a gentle kiss on my neck. “I really thought about taking it slow. And now look… we didn’t even get to talk about protection. If anything happens, Isa, I’ll take care of you. I hope you know…”

I silenced him with a hand over his mouth. “I’m on birth control. I started back up a few months ago.”

Before I knew it, his weight was on me, his lips back on mine. 

“What are we doing?” I asked in between kisses, feeling my body come alive when he nipped on my lips. 

“Didn’t I tell you?” he asked. “We’re just getting started.”

---

October 2026

Felip

I entered the loft quietly, the clock reading 2:27 a.m. I sighed. I would have been sooner had there not been a delay in my flight. I slipped my boots off and put down my bag, locking the front door and dropping my keys off on the entryway table. My sock-covered feet barely made any noise as I walked on the hardwood floors. Our cat, Rina, approached me carefully before making figure eights around my legs, meowing softly. I picked her up and gave her a kiss on her nose, my fingers running through her soft fur.

The living room was lit only by a lamp, looking exactly as I left it from my last visit. On her fireplace shelf now sat even more frames. I walked over and studied them, Rina purring in my arms. There was a picture of me with my group members, in matching pajamas with Isa, on our trip here after the holidays last year, celebrating Christmas late. A framed picture of Rina as a kitten, me cradling her like I’m doing now, with Isa by my side the day we got her. And the last, most recent one, a black and white picture of me and Isa on Michelle’s wedding day a few months back, with her sitting on my lap wearing a bridesmaid dress, me in a tuxedo, my head tucked in her neck with her arm around me, her face caught in a laugh. 

I traced her face on the picture with a smile before I put Rina down and headed to the bedroom. The room was dark, the only light coming from the curtains on her window. I took off my shirt and sat down on the bed gently, careful not to wake her, before I laid down, still fully clothed. 

Asleep, Isa was so peaceful, her long hair spread over her pillow. Her breathing was even and light, her full lips relaxed. She was wearing one of my shirts, one of several pieces of clothing I left here for whenever I come. There was no trace of worry on her face. 

My hands hovered over her face, a finger tracing her cheek. I cupped her jaw as I ran my thumb over her lips. A small smile played on the corner of her mouth, as if she was dreaming. 

Was she dreaming of me?

Memories of the past year played in my head as I watched her. The neverending travel back and forth. The dates planned so carefully so we wouldn’t run into a fan inadvertently. How every time she came to the Philippines, we’ve had to create an elaborate plan for subversion. How every interview had to be answered so carefully so as not to reveal her existence. 

My heart ached in my chest. She deserved more than this. 

Unable to help myself, I placed a soft kiss on her lips, and she opened her eyes slowly. 

“Felip,” she said, her voice drowsy. “You’re here.”

I nodded and placed my arm around her head, drawing her closer. It only took a few seconds before she fell back asleep, her hand trustingly over my heart. 

The covers on the foot of the bed moved as Rina climbed up, walking in circles with her furry tail swishing, until she found the cozy spot next to my legs. She settled on all fours and watched me, her blue eyes blinking innocently, as if she knew what was going on in my mind.

I stared at the ceiling, thinking about what to do even though I already knew. 

It’s time, I thought. It’s time. 

It was my last thought before I fell into slumber. 

---

Isabelle

I felt soft fingertips on my face, the scent I’ve come to associate with love all around me. If my eyes were open I know whose face I’d see. My favorite face. His features were as familiar to me now as my own.

Even in sleep, I could play connect the dots with his tattoos; there were more of them now than the first time we met. I know the tilt of his laugh, the melody of his voice. I know his hands, always touching with tenderness, and his feet, which always finds its way back to me.

I could feel myself break into a smile. Unsure whether I was dreaming or not, I slowly opened my eyes to see the face I loved the most in front of me, his thick brushed back from his face. The single ray of moonbeam from my window kissed him, painting him in an ethereal glow.

“Felip,” I said softly. “You’re here.”

He nodded and I was pulled closer to the warmth. I placed my hand on his chest and fell back asleep to the beat of his heart. 

The next time I opened my eyes, it was morning. There was a heavy arm around me, and another cradling my head. So it hadn’t been a dream, I realized, a nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach making itself known.

Felip never came back unannounced. I wondered if everything was alright. 

My eyes narrowed as I gazed at the shadows under his eyes, his impossibly long lashes resting on his face. My fingers reached out to smooth the line between his brows, but I stopped myself before I made contact. I’m sure he’s exhausted from the long flight. 

I lifted his arm carefully before slipping out of bed, Rina already at my feet, waiting for her breakfast. I went to the kitchen and placed some wet food on a clean saucer and watched as she began to eat. I prepared a cup of coffee for myself and for Felip, before heading back to the bedroom. 

He was already awake when I came in, his eyes squinting from the sunlight, his back against the headboard. 

“Good morning,” I greeted as I walked over to him and pressed a kiss on his lips. I handed him his coffee, made the way I knew he’d like. “Did I wake you?”

He shook his head and grinned at me. “No. You know my sleep schedule gets a little funny with the jetlag.” He eyed me up and down, some mischief coming into his gaze. “You look great in my shirt.”

I shrugged my shoulders. “I missed you.” I walked over to my side of the bed, placing my coffee on my side table before climbing back into bed and putting my feet under the covers. “Is everything okay?”

I felt no need to talk in circles. Felip and I always did better when we just said what was on our minds. What made our relationship work was the honesty we always spoke with, regardless of the outcome. 

“Isa,” he said haltingly, as if looking for the right words to say, “I want to go public with our relationship.”

“You do?” I asked, and he nodded, his mouth set in a determined line. “Why now?”

His group just finished another world tour to great success and accolades. They’d just returned back to the Philippines a month ago. They were getting more well-known every day, it seemed like. 

“I’m tired of hiding, Isa. I’m tired of having to hide you.” He took a deep breath. “It’s not fair to me. It’s certainly not fair to you.”

I took his hand and traced the tattoos on his fingers. “If this is about me, you don’t have to worry. I’m not going anywhere. I knew what I was getting myself into when I fell in love with you, and we decided to be together.”

“Think about it…” he replied, his free hand running through his hair. “My fans have seen me through hard times, through bad times. But now that I’m in love and happy, I can’t even share that.” 

He looked at me directly, and my heart ached at the frustration I saw in them. 

“I’m tired of being scared that someone will find out about you, and it might be used against you. That’s a real possibility. I don’t care what they say about me. God knows that they’ve accused me of much worse.”

I remembered the pain that false rumors had caused him in the past. I wished I could banish the memories away. 

“I can’t have them turning on you, Isa,” he said. “I figured if the news came from me, I can minimize the damage somehow. I’m not here all the time. I can only protect you so much from thousands of miles away.”

I shook my head. “I’m not afraid. I’ve been with you for two and a half years. I’m well aware that at any time, someone could discover who I am, where I am, who I am to you. You don’t have to worry about me.” I looked at him in concern, my voice dropping. “Have you spoken to Pablo?”

“No,” he answered, shaking his head. “Not yet.”

“Why not?” I asked, my hands giving his a squeeze. “What are you scared of?” 

He sat wordless, not answering me. I saw the worry in his eyes as understanding dawned. The last one to join the group. The first one to debut with solo work. And now, this. I scooted closer to him in bed, our fingers interlocking.

“They need to know, babe. Your life, whether you like it or not, is inextricably tied to theirs. You’re not only a group; you guys own a business together. Not only that; they’re your brothers. They need to know that this is on your mind before you do anything. No one likes to be blindsided.”

“I just…” He said, his voice hesitant, “I can’t lose them, Isa. But I also can’t lose you. Or me.”

“You will always have me.” My voice was emphatic. “And I will never allow you to lose yourself. But your group… is more than just people you perform with. They’re family. And family doesn’t abandon ship just because the waves get rough. They will protect you.”

“You think so?” 

He met my eyes, a semblance of hope in their depths.

“I know so.” I smiled before I wrapped him in my arms. “You need to have the same faith in them as you do in me.”

---

July 2027

Felip

“I wanted to let you guys know,” I said as Pablo, Stell, Josh, and Jah settled themselves into seats in our conference room, “that I want to get married.”

Four pairs of eyes looked at me in surprise. Stell started clapping, and Jah broke out in a smile. Josh lifted an eyebrow, and Pablo cleared his throat. 

“That’s great, pre,” Josh said with a smirk. “But I’m not sure we should be the ones you should be talking to about this.”

“No, I know,” I answered, stammering, my hands rubbing my chin, “obviously, I mean to talk to Isa about this. Well of course, I will when I ask her, because I’d have to ask, but I wasn’t really… I don’t know how to…”

They all blinked at me. 

“Ken.” Stell looked at me as if he was about to laugh. “Are you okay?”

“What?” My tone was defensive, my mind in a whirl. “Why?”

“You just…” Stell waved a hand over his face “… you just look like you’re about to throw up. Either that or you’re constipated. Not really the look I was expecting to see when you give us happy news like this.”

“Congrats, Ken,” Jah said. “I’m happy for you and Ate Isa.”

“It’s nice, though,” Stell said, “you sound almost like how you did when we all first met.”

I was the last one to join our group, only having known most of them through past competitions. The only one from hundreds of islands away, armed with only confidence and a little bit of money. 

So many things have changed since then, but not the kinship I felt with this group of men, who have been by my side through it all. I sent a grateful look to Josh, who paid for my ticket to Manila. And to the rest of them, who accepted me and helped me grow. 

“I wanted to let you all know before I proposed,” I said quietly. “Isa told me before I went public about us that I should let you all know before I decide on anything, since it might affect you, too.”

“So you’re asking for our permission?” Josh asked as he opened a bag of snacks. 

“No,” I said. “I’m going to ask Isa to marry me regardless. It’s probably not the best timing, with us having to maintain an image and everything. But I’m ready to start planning my future. And I don’t know a lot of things, but there’s two things that I know that have to be in there for sure: her and all of you. So no, I’m not asking for permission, but I’d appreciate your blessing.”

There was silence for a few minutes, the members first looking at one another, then to Pablo, who still hasn’t said anything.

“Well, I approve.” Jah was the first to speak. “I love Ate Isa. And Rina, too. I wish she could meet Saoirse.”

“You know I’ll support whatever you decide, Ken.” Stell gave me a smile. “You know best what will make you happy.”

“It’s cool,” Josh said. “I’m just surprised that you’re the first one of us here to get settled.”

“Do you want to see the ring?” I didn’t even wait for an answer before I pulled the baby blue Tiffany box from my pocket. 

“You already bought the ring?” Jah asked. “Let me see.”

“Yeah, I picked it up before coming home last time,” I answered before opening the velvet box to reveal a platinum ring with a single two carat stone in the middle. 

Josh whistled appreciatively. “That must have cost a pretty penny. Isa might lecture you for that.”

“But it’s classic, simple,” Jah added. “Very much like Ate Isa.”

“It’s flashy but not too flashy,” Stell said. “Just right for the woman you’re proposing to.”

I laughed. “When did you all become such an expert on my woman?”

Pablo, who’d been silent this whole time, finally spoke. “It’s perfect, Ken.” He stood up and put an arm around my shoulder. His eyes met mine, and his mouth broke into a smile. “You’ve chosen well,” he commented, “On both the ring and the woman. I could never have picked anyone better for you if I had to choose her myself.”

I nodded to him in appreciation, not being able to stop my face from smiling. 

“That brings me to the other thing I wanted to talk about,” I said, looking at all of them hopefully. “I need your help.”

---

August 30, 2027

Isabelle

I looked at Felip, dressed exactly like the day I met him, on the day I met him four years ago, and almost laughed. In a bout of sentimentality, I had done the same, having put on a shirt, sweatpants, and a pair of flip flops, just like I did that day. 

He had just entered our loft from the hotel after meeting with his members, and I had just changed after a late shopping date with Michelle. Felip had asked me to get ready for a date tonight, I’m sure aware of the significance of today. 

My man was a hopeless romantic. 

He smiled when he saw me, though I noticed a bit of apprehension in his eyes. Maybe something was going on with the company, I thought, making a mental note to ask later on. 

“Are you ready?” he asked and I nodded. 

He grabbed a blanket from the linen closet, the one I had bought from Duane Reade when we met, and I narrowed my eyes. 

“It’s not supposed to be cold tonight.”

He pursed his lips. “Just in case.”

I watched as he gave Rina a quick pet before putting his boots back on, stretching a hand towards me. We walked out of the loft together, and I lifted my face to the sunshine, glad to be out and about after having worked the last three shifts straight in the hospital. 

Felip was noticeably quiet as he led me towards South Street, stopping only to speak once we reached the street corner.

“Do you remember this place?” he asked, and I smiled at him, nudging his side. 

“Of course,” I replied. “This is where we met.”

His eyes crinkled at the corner, his gaze soft with the memory. “I’d gone for a walk to try to clear my head, and there you were, all mad that I spilled your coffee.”

“I thought you were lost.”

“I couldn’t have known that I’d just found the love of my life.”

“Strangely enough, I couldn’t have, either.”

We shared a smile. 

“Do you want to get some coffee?”

I decided to humor him. “Sure.”

We headed to T-Cafe hand in hand and entered the door to see Jose behind the register.  

“Hiya, Felip. Hey, Izzy.” He placed two large coffee cups on the counter, our names already on it. 

“How did you…”

“He called the order ahead of time,” Jose answered, “and paid ahead, too.”

He winked at Felip and I shook my head. What is this strange behavior? Felip and I have been back here several times in the past few years, but Jose just winked at him as if they were close. 

Felip led me to the milk and sugar counter before I could say anything, and I watched as he prepared his coffee-flavored milk, marveling that my man hasn’t changed, even after all these years. He certainly knew what he liked. 

We made our way to the front door when Jose called out. “Bye, Izzy! Good luck, Felip!”

I thought I misheard him and had thought to turn back around and ask when Felip ushered me out the door without so much as a say so. 

“Do you want to spend the night with me?”

His question brought on a bout of deja vu, and all thoughts about Jose and his cryptic comment was forgotten. 

I laughed. “I always spend the night with you,” I answered, my tone gleeful. “And not as innocently as that first night, I might add.”

---

Felip

By the time we reached Elevated Acre, Isa was regarding me with a knowing look on her face. She watched as I silently put out the food I had ordered from Poulette, the same exact meal the first night we met. I handed her some utensils and she raised her brows.

“So this is the plan tonight, huh?” she asked. “You’re really recreating the first day we met?”

“It was a memorable day,” I answered softly. “That day changed my life. I wanted to look back after so many years to how we started.”

“Nothing wrong with that.” 

She offered me wipes, the way she did that first day. She opened her salad first and put aside a bag for our trash, just like that day. 

I had to hide a smile. Isa was predictably consistent. It was another thing that I loved about her. 

Everything tonight had been almost exactly the same except for the look in her eyes. I remembered her past hesitation, her past resistance. Those days have long been gone. 

Thank God. 

“I think I was half in love with you already by the time we got here,” I shared as I pulled off a chicken skin with my fork. “I’m not even quite sure how I kept my head together.”

“Really?” She asked. “I was decidedly… undecided.” She had her spoon on her mouth as she thought it over. “I knew I was attracted to you, of course. I just wasn’t sure it was a good idea at the time.” She chewed on a piece of chicken. “I mean, all I knew about you was that you were visiting and you were leaving a couple of days later.”

Her phone rang and she pulled it out of her bag, no longer turning away as she spoke. “Hi Mama. Oo (Yes). Kasama ko siya (He’s with me). Huh? Oh, ok.” She handed me her phone. “Mama wants to talk to you.”

I took the phone from Isa, smiling when I heard her mother on the line. She said she needed my mother’s number as she’s bought a new phone and none of her contacts transferred, and she wanted to see if I could give it to her so she could invite my parents over for Christmas. She also wanted to make sure that I was still, in fact, planning to propose to her daughter tonight. 

I turned away at that turn of conversation, trying to appear as if I was perusing the contents of the bag from Patisserie. I confirmed that yes, I will send her the number, and also yes, the proposal is still on, though not in those exact words. 

I could hear Isa’s mom’s excitement as she spoke, and I turned to see Isa watching me, a curious look on her face even as she continued eating. I said goodbye, and she hung up even before I could hand Isa back her phone. 

“That’s weird,” Isa said as she put her phone back in her bag. “She got off the phone fast. What did she say?”

“Uhmm,” I said, not meeting her eyes, my stomach in knots when I realized what my plan was tonight, trying to remember the speech I had written. “She wanted my mom’s number so she could invite my parents for Christmas.”

“Why didn’t she just call you directly if you were the one she wanted to talk to?” she asked. 

“She said she just got a new phone, and nothing transferred over. I guess she only had your number.”

Isa had taken me home to meet her family after our first year together, saying that she didn’t want them getting too attached too quickly. I’d since then kept in contact with both her sister and mother on a semi-regular basis and been back to her childhood home whenever I was in the city and she was due for a visit. 

Isa had met my family, too, on her first visit back to the Philippines after our first anniversary. As I predicted, my parents and sister all loved her. Despite the language difficulties, she had been open and warm. As if that wasn’t enough, Kuro also took an instant liking to her, further cementing my belief that she was the woman for me. 

I had videocalled Isa’s mother two weeks ago with my parents from the Philippines, apologizing in advance that I couldn’t make it in person to formally ask for Isa’s hand. My parents’ tourist visas hadn’t been approved in time, but they’ve since received it and, I’m sure, they’ll be more than happy to come for the holidays. 

Or they will, as long as Isa accepts my proposal. 

The impending proposal had me shaking my head to get my bearings. I really don’t know how men do this all over the world. 

“Are you okay?” Isa asked, her lips pointing at the utensils I’d already put down. I glanced over to see that she’d already finished eating. “You barely touched your food.”

“Yeah, I’m good. I’m just not very hungry today.”

“Should we save dessert for later, then? I don’t want you getting an upset stomach, and I don’t want to eat it by myself.”

I nodded and she accepted my answer without question. She started putting her food containers away even as I placed my food back in its bag. I slid myself behind her, wrapping my arms over her shoulders and she leaned back, relaxing against my chest. I rested my cheek on her hair, willing myself to calm down.

We watched the sunset just as we’d done the first day we met, as I prepared my proposal in my head. 

---

Isabelle

By the time we got to the cobblestone steps, Felip had gone completely silent. I clocked the focused look on his face and only realized that I’d forgotten to ask whether anything was wrong. I’d been so distracted by everything that we were doing that it completely slipped my mind. 

“Babe,” I started, my voice hesitant, “is everything good?”

“Yes,” he replied. “Why do you ask?”

“It’s just…you’ve just been quiet all night, and you didn’t finish your food. That’s not like you at all. Often, you finish your food and then my food. And dessert.”

“I’m okay, Isa,” he answered. 

He didn’t look okay at all. He didn’t feel okay, either, the hand that was holding me a little clammy. I wanted to make sure, but I didn’t want to press, so I let it slide. 

“I just hope you know that I’m right here whenever you need to talk about…” 

My words trailed off as we entered the square, looking just as it did the first night we came. Except for one difference: there was no one here. The absence of people was acutely noticeable; often, this place was teeming with people, especially on a Friday night. 

“Did you clear this place out?”

Felip gave me a small smile as he took my purse from my arm and put it down on a bench, along with the bags and blanket he carried. 

Turning back to me, he held out his hand. 

“Would you dance with me?”

I had already taken his hand but was about to tell him that we can’t dance without music when it began as soon as we walked to the center of the square. I looked behind me to see a pianist, cellist, and violinist in place, playing ‘Moon River’ as they’d done many years ago. 

Felip placed a hand on the small of my back, pulling me closer than he did that first night, the hand wrapped around mine strong and steady. He led us into the dance confidently, our bodies swaying to the rhythm. I smiled as I rested my head on his chest, just like I did so long ago now, and listened to the beat of his heart.

In my mind,  I saw us as we were, with so much fear and uncertainty before us. I remembered his courage and persistence, his understanding and love, and felt tears spring to my eyes. 

What a privilege to be chosen by this man. 

What made him extraordinary was not his looks, but his heart. A heart that is capable of so much love, of so much patience, of so much forgiveness. Just so much everything. 

He had waited and worked for my heart, and I knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that here, in his arms, was where I belonged. 

When the music ended, I lifted my face, prepared to thank him for today and for all the days that we’ve had together. But I couldn’t speak as our eyes met, his gaze tender as he looked at me, his brows furrowing when he saw my face. 

“What’s the matter?” He asked. 

I shook my head, unable to express my feelings fully, and he wiped the tears that fell from my eyes. I was about to respond when I saw something dart into the square from the corner of my eye and had to do a double take. 

Why the hell was our cat here?

Rina approached us, and I turned around and bent down to pick her up. I was about to ask Felip if we forgot to close our front door when I saw him on one knee, with a ring in his hands. 

“Isa,” he said, his voice shaky. “Will you marry me?”

---

Felip

When Isa turned around to pick Rina up, I dropped on one knee and pulled the ring from my pocket. I opened the box and held it out, hoping that I would get my question out without messing up. 

Her eyed widened with surprise when she saw me, and I took a deep breath. 

“Isa. Will you marry me?”

Joy filled me as she nodded, smiling, her tears falling earnestly. I was on my feet and in all of two seconds, my mouth on hers, careful not to squish Rina. We both turned as we heard cheers coming from one part of the square, and I saw Pablo, Stell, Josh, Jah, and Michelle walking towards us, two of them holding phones. 

I saw Isa’s mother and sister in one screen, and my family in another. Our families were congratulating us via video, as Isa was enfolded in hugs by my members. 

It wasn’t until the phones had been put away and we were all sitting outside one of the restaurants, Rina safely back in her carrier, that I remembered one detail, and I groaned. 

“What’s wrong?” Pablo asked, looking up from an email he was reading, and I laughed, embarrassed. 

I looked at Isa. “I had a whole speech planned. I was going to tell you all sorts of stuff…”

“It’s okay,” she answered. “You got your point across.” She leaned towards me and whispered, “You can tell it to me later.”

“I love you,” I said, taking her hand, now with my ring on it, and pressed a gentle kiss.

“I love you.” She smiled, the promise of forever in her eyes.

“Eyyy, you guys should save that for when we’re not here,” Stell teased as he drummed on the table. Lifting his glass of champagne, everyone followed, as did I, with my sparkling juice. “A toast, to the future Mr. and Mrs. Felip Jhon Suson.”

---

One Year Later

Isabelle

One day, someday, the man I love will be taking his bow one last time, but not quite yet. 

The life we lead is not the usual one. Between him spending time here with me and his home country, it often feels like we are perpetually caught in the first flush of our romance. Except now, we had time on our side. 

Time to get to know each other. Time to love each other. 

To grow together. To be together. 

The road we’ve traveled hasn’t always been the smoothest or easiest one, but it was ours. One way or another, we’ve managed to combine bits and pieces of our individual lives and fuse them together. It’s taken a lot of effort on his part and mine to make our love last.

But it has lasted. Five years in, and we’re still going strong.

There are times when I still struggle with the knowledge that I love a man that wasn’t just mine, with a man who still at times had to balance the two parts of who he is. 

But then I realize that it wasn’t just him who felt this conflict. We are all trying to reconcile two separate facets of our lives, such as distinguishing what we want from what we need. Sometimes it’s realizing who we are and determining who we want to be. And then there are times when we have to think about whether who we think we are aligns with who others think we are, and being okay either way. We are all trying to establish an identity from all the parts that make us and build a life from all the decisions we’ve made. 

We all lead double lives. The only difference between us and him is that his duality is showcased for all to judge and see.

At times, it’s been hard to watch him work so hard and know that there was still so much to do, for him and for the rest of his group. I see the pressure and how it weighs on him. I see his fatigue and the toll this journey has taken. But I also see the reward every time another accomplishment comes, his happiness from being able to perform onstage and being able to share it with Pablo, Stell, Josh, and Jah and all their fans. 

There are times when I wonder if our life will ever be just as simple as everyone else’s seem to be. When distance would no longer be an issue. There are many struggles behind the blinding light of fame, and I know he carries both the bounty and the burden of his extraordinary life. I feel the peace that comes over him when he’s with me, able to enjoy the stillness and silence of a life lived privately. I see the joy in his eyes when he wakes up with me in his arms.

I’ve kept my promise and loved him. Through the highs and lows. The good and the bad. And I intend to keep it, just as he has done. 

I touched the ring on my finger, finding comfort in its weight. We have started planning our wedding in a year’s time, but until then, we are still holding on, going back and forth, as we’d done all these years. After the wedding and honeymoon, I will start my career as a travel nurse so I can split my time between here and the Philippines at my discretion. At least, until we hit another fork in the road. I can see the rest of our life together as it will unfold in the future, but that time is not here yet. I know I could probably ask him to make a choice, certain of the one he’d make. 

But I won’t. 

Just like he will forever have to balance all the components that make him who he is, I will also have to balance his public and private life, as the woman who loves him. I suspect a part of him will always just belong solely to his fans, his music, his group, and the stage, regardless of how much he loves me, and I’m okay with that. After all he’s been through, asking him to give any of that up would be akin to severing a limb. 

His soul won’t survive it, and neither would mine. 

But his heart. I know where his heart belongs. No matter what happens and where he goes, I know it is my heart that he calls home. 

And that, for me, is enough. 

---

Felip

I really am lucky, I thought to myself, as we prepared to go onstage. I looked around me and saw all our group members, all happy, all healthy, still together after all this time. 

I no longer had to question who I was. Through them, the love of our fans, and the love of my life, I’d learned to accept that I will forever be a man caught in the middle of who I really am and who people think I am. As long as I stayed true to my values, my beliefs, and my truths, the gray middle never had to matter. 

I’ve been blessed with the truest things in life: family, friendship, brotherhood, and love. These are what drive me to keep reaching for more. 

I had been nervous about going public with my relationship, but I shouldn’t have been. My fans have accepted it with respect and full-on support. Though Isa and I never kept our relationship secret, our privacy was one that my fans have fiercely protected. They protect her as they protect me, and I am given the freedom to live as I want whenever we’re together, without fear of criticism or judgment. 

I will never take the gifts and opportunities I’ve been given for granted. 

My phone made a noise, and I smiled as I read a message from Isa. 

In case I forget to say it, I am so proud of you. Have a great concert. I’ll see you at home. 

I love you. 

I typed a quick response before putting it away, knowing that she will be in the audience cheering for me. 

I reread her message and fixated on one word. 

Home, I thought, the definition of that word has been transformed. It only ever meant a place for me, where I grew up, where I was from. But no longer. 

My home now has a face. My home now has a name. It is where my heart is, and it is always with her, no matter where I am. 

And here: on stage and with the people who have seen me in both my lowest times and highest achievements, and the fans who have defended me, protected me, and allowed me to perfect my craft and aim for the stars. 

I looked at Pablo and smiled. 

---

Pablo

I watched Ken as he pulled out the phone from his pocket, a small smile forming on his face as he read a message. I didn’t have to ask to know that it was Isa just by the way his eyes brightened, the smile widening as he typed back a response. 

He ran a hand over his hair and then leaned back, his eyes meeting mine sheepishly, and I smiled back. 

I’m only two and a half years older than him, but I felt like I was having a proud father moment. 

I remember him when he first joined our group, picked from a virtual audition after having been recruited by Josh. Stell, Josh, Jah, and I had already been training together, and he was the missing piece. Still, I remember his initial unease, the self-consciousness that he had then, which rarely makes an appearance nowadays. 

What a difference time and love has made. 

The boy I knew then has been transformed into a man, one who is not afraid of taking chances, of stepping outside of the box. The man I see now is grounded in who he is, aware and accepting of his place in the world. 

I have no doubt in my mind that he would have gotten there eventually, but falling in love with the right woman got him there at record speed. 

I will always be thankful that he has a woman that loves him for who he is- away from these lights, away from the fame, and away from the trappings that this lifestyle brings. They may have met by chance, but it’s choice that keeps them together. 

Fate wielded its power and aligned them to meet, and it only took this one thing to change the course of his destiny. Sometimes, I wonder how it was that it was Ken who found true love first, but I didn’t need much time to discover my answer. It was precisely because it was him. He had never shown any hesitation in the face of uncertainty, not in his career and certainly not in love. He is the only one among us who is brave enough to answer fate’s call without a second thought, and the gamble had paid off. And the reward: the love of a good woman, a gift more priceless than anything that this world can offer. 

It’s given him the security to embrace his uniqueness, no longer needing validation from anyone else. It’s allowed him to grow not just as an artist but also as a person. It’s given him permission to be everything that he was always meant to be, safe in the knowledge that no matter what happens, that he will always have a soft place to land. It gave him what he needed most: a permanent home.

I looked at Stell, Jah, and Josh and wondered how their stories will unfold, hoping with everything I had and everything I am that they will all have happy endings. They, too, deserve it. 

As for me, I’m not really sure, willing my phone to make noise for an email that may or may not come. I sighed and stood up. 

“Let’s go,” I said, and watched as Ken and the rest of our group lined up. We walked onstage, the cheers of our fans loud and deafening, and took our places.

Felip

“I’m so sorry,” Isa said as I watched her rummage in her cabinets, looking for something to cook. “I haven’t had time to go food shopping.”

“That’s new,” I said dryly. “So you’re cooking at home now, too?”

She turned and looked at me, embarrassment all over her features. “You got me there.” 

I walked over and didn’t stop until I was in front of her, only an inch between us. Her face lifted to look at me, and I couldn’t help but smile, the giddiness overtaking me again. So pretty, I thought, reminding me of the first thing that came to my mind when we first met, except now, she was really mine. I kissed her forehead before perusing the cabinet she had opened, taking out a few packets of instant noodles. 

“This is good,” I said, and she frowned. 

“We’re not having instant noodles for your birthday,” she responded, “we can go out and get something else.”

“Isa, it won’t be the first time that I would eat this for my birthday,” I told her. “And from what I can remember, that last time hadn’t been bad, either. In fact, I cried because I was so happy eating it then.”

“You were?”

“Yes,” I replied. “Because it’s not about the food. My sister visited me, and I was so thankful that I remember it to this day as having been my best birthday. Until today, anyway.”

“But still.” She sighed. “Should we order some chicken or something?”

I laughed. “You remembered.”

“I remember everything about you. What little I know, anyway.”

“You know we have videos online, right?”

“Oh yeah, I know,” she answered with a shrug. “I’m sure Michelle has already watched all of them. She probably knows more about you than I do. Besides, it felt intrusive to be the one watching videos and learning about you like that when I know you in real life.”

“As opposed to fake life.”

“Careful,” she said. “My sarcasm is rubbing off on you.”

“It wasn’t just your sarcasm that was rubbing off on me a few minutes ago.”

“Stop it. You said so yourself, we have to take it slow.”

“Not that slow,” I teased, enjoying how prettily she blushed. 

“Anyway,” she continued, clearing her throat. “I did see your performance of ‘Gento’, though. On the Wish Bus?”

“Oh yeah? What did you think?”

She opened a drawer and pulled out a few menus before placing them on the counter. “I think Stell’s voice is beautiful, Pablo is excellent. Justin sounded amazing. Josh’s delivery was very good, too.”

“And me?”

“You don’t need me to tell you my opinion, do you?”

“Maybe,” I said, trying to sound casual even though I truly was curious as to what her thoughts were. 

“Well, I…” she said, wrapping her arms around me, “…think you’re very talented. I see a bright future ahead of you. I also think…” She pressed a soft kiss on my lips. “…you have way too many female fans.”

---

Isabelle

“You have way too many female fans.”

A smile played on the corner of his mouth before he started laughing earnestly, and I felt my cheeks lifting up completely, along with the corners of my eyes. He took one look at me and stopped, his expression changing.

“What?” I asked. 

“You’re beautiful.”

“And you, sir,” I gave him an affectionate hug, “are biased. But thank you, anyway.” 

I busied myself with taking out plates and utensils when I heard his voice. “Is that a problem, Isa? That I have female fans?”

“No, of course not,” I answered. “It comes with the territory. That’s like you getting mad that I see naked people parts at work.”

“What naked people parts?” The surprise in his voice had me looking at him only to see him so completely puzzled. 

I looked at him pointedly and directed my gaze downwards, trying not to laugh. “You know.”

“No, I don’t know,” he said. 

“Anyway,” I continued, “I met some of your fans when I came to the Philippines, and they seem nice. “

“You did?”

I nodded. 

“If it hadn’t been for Maggie, I wouldn’t have been able to go backstage. If I hadn’t done that, Pablo wouldn’t have known I was there. If Pablo hadn’t known about me being there, no one would have taken me to the back. If I hadn’t done that, I wouldn’t have met your whole group and if that hadn’t happened, you wouldn’t be here.”

“Someone will really need to tell me everything that’s happened,” he said, shaking his head. “I can’t believe I missed it all.”

“You didn’t miss much,” I replied, “you know, just a bunch of people who love you doing all kinds of things because they love you. Not that much at all.”

---

We spent the time we had waiting for the fried chicken to arrive preparing the noodles. Much like he did that first night he came over to my house to cook, Felip tried to get me to sit down while he made the food, something I vehemently took an objection to. I might not have been able to give him a proper meal, but I wanted to at least be able to say that I helped.  

We ate in silence once the food was prepared and the fried chicken had arrived, our eyes occasionally meeting, still in disbelief that this was how tonight ended, realizing that we haven’t really established a plan. The tension between us thrummed, and I felt it intensify even as we cleaned up, our bodies occasionally touching. 

“Do you want to watch a movie?” I finally said, unsure really of what we were supposed to do now. I felt a restless energy inside of me, and I was afraid that if we didn’t do some innocent, innocuous activity that we would end up doing the absolute opposite. 

Felip seemed aware of this too, as he dried his hands quickly and went straight to the living room, where he knew my DVDs were. He had pulled a movie out and already placed it in the DVD player before I could even approve. 

I sat down on the couch as the movie played, Felip stiff next to me. I was bemused, thinking that less than two hours ago, he had me pressed against the wall. I yawned midway through the movie, just now feeling how tired I was. 

Felip looked at me in concern. 

“Are you sleepy?” he asked. 

“It’s been an exciting day.”

“Do you want me to leave? I can come back tom…”

I shook my head. Just because I wasn’t quite sure what we’re allowed to do doesn’t mean that I don’t want him here with me. 

“Nope,” I responded. “You’re not allowed to go anywhere.” He laughed and the tension lessened. “I need to lie down though.”

He stood up and tried to move to the end of the couch before I stopped him. 

“No. We’ve established we’re in love so we should be able to at least be close together, right?” He nodded, his eyes blinking at me. “I’ll lie down, and you can lie down behind me. See? No monkey business.”

“Okay.”

I stood up as he laid down towards the back of the couch, lifting himself on an elbow before patting the spot in front of him and propping a pillow. I smiled and laid down, keeping my focus on the TV in front of us.

At first he kept his hands to himself, but within minutes I felt an arm around my waist. I was about to tease him about it, about not being able to keep his hands off me, when I looked back and saw that he had fallen asleep. 

I turned my whole body and gazed at him at my leisure, enjoying the sight of him next to me. I took the pillow out and placed his arm under my head, putting my arm under his. I spread the throw over both of us, closed my eyes and fell asleep. 

---

Felip

I felt some movement in my arms and opened one eye to see Isa wiggling around. 

“Isa, what are you doing?”

“Oh,” she said, her eyes opening in surprise and then in apology, “I wasn’t trying to wake you up. I was just trying to get comfortable.”

We were connected from chest to hip, our legs tangled together, one of my arms supporting her head. One of her arms was tucked under my arm, her hair splayed all over the couch. She moved her hips as she adjusted her position, and I became aware of how close we were lying together. 

I started trying to breathe slowly, keeping my eyes tightly shut. She continued to move, her hips dangerously rubbing against me, and I swallowed a curse. And then a laugh. 

This woman. 

Is she doing this on purpose or was she completely unaware? Granted, we had fallen asleep clothed with what we had been wearing all night, but these clothes weren’t really offering me any protection at this point. I could feel her every movement, my body coming dangerously alive. 

I released a deep breath, and she stopped for a few seconds, before the shimmying began again. I grabbed her hip with my free arm to make her stop. 

“Isa,” I croaked, my voice strained. 

“What?” She asked. “What’s wrong?”

“Please,” I said, opening my eyes to see her looking at me worriedly. “Stop moving.”

She blinked at me for a few seconds, her expression comical. I was tempted to laugh, but then her eyebrows narrowed as realization dawned. She bit her lip. 

“Is that…” She said, cocking her head. “Are you…”

“Isa, please,” I said, fixing my gaze on the wall behind her and reminding myself to breathe. “You’re killing me here.”

Her living room was quiet, lit only by the television screen light, the movie we had been watching long over. We were warm under her thick throw, although the couch really was too small for both of us to be lying on it. 

This worked for my benefit earlier, but it seems that this strategy was now working against me. It was just my luck to be with a woman who was so completely oblivious to her own allure. 

“I’m sorry,” she said, her other arm snaking around me to rub my back, her palm moving up and down as if trying to soothe me. 

“Just give me a minute.”

I bent down and rested my cheek on her head, my hand absent-mindedly smoothing her hair. Isa stayed still in my arms, her breath on my neck. 

We stayed like that for an eternity. Thinking she had fallen back asleep, I gave myself permission to peek at her face, only to see her watching me, her eyes both dreamy and drowsy. 

“I can’t believe you’re here,” she whispered. 

“I was bound to come back to America sooner or later.”

“I don’t mean America. I mean, here, on the couch with me.”

“I know.” I pressed my lips on her forehead. 

I heard a sharp intake of breath. “But don’t you think this couch is too small for us?”

“A bit.”

“Do you think we should move to the bedro…”

“Isa.”

“I’m just saying,” she continued softly, “we might be more comfortable there?”

I clicked my tongue. “You are too tempting for your own good.”

“What? Why?” Her voice was plaintive, her feet rubbing against my calves. 

“We can’t move to your bed.” 

“I can control myself if you can.”

“You’re setting me up for failure.”

“I’m not,” she said, lifting her head to look at me, her face serious. “I have faith in you.”

She must really mean what she’s saying if she’s staring at me like that, her lower lip slightly pouted, sleep still evident in her eyes. She looks so delicious it’s taking everything in me to keep my resolve strong. 

“Besides,” she continued. Her hand on my back resumed its movement, except this time, her exploration was a bit slower. In my head, I started counting, trying to keep myself focused on all the reasons why we shouldn’t move to the bed. I can feel everything that she’s doing, and that, combined with her vicinity, is wreaking havoc with my brain. What the hell were we talking about? “We’re grown adults. It’s not like we can’t handle our hormones.”

Her hand paused before I felt the contact of a warm palm under the hoodie I wore, her fingers starting to move towards my front. My abdomen tightened.

“Isa,” I squeaked and almost jumped off the couch. 

“Hmm?”

“Please…” I took a deep breath. Bayang magiliw, perlas ng silanganan. Alab ng puso sa dibdib mo’y buhay. “Just… go back to sleep.”

---

The next time I woke up, I was alone. I sat up on the couch and rubbed my eyes, looking around for Isa, but she was nowhere to be found. I glanced at my watch, surprised to see it was already 8 a.m. and stood up. 

A post-it note on the coffee table stopped me, and I picked it up. 

Went to get some groceries for breakfast. Can’t have the birthday boy starving. Feel free to help yourself to whatever’s in the kitchen. There’s a spare toothbrush in the bathroom. Be back soon. 

I love you. Isa.

Reading that last sentence brought a smile to my face, though I wished she had waited for me. I headed to the bathroom, at first unsure of where to go, and walked down the hallway. Isa’s bedroom was at the end of the hall, her door slightly ajar. I glimpsed a king sized bed, the covers made up. There were various floral prints on the wall behind it, her bedside table holding only a lamp.

The door to my right led me to the bathroom. I splashed water over my face, and brushed my teeth, humming a tune under my breath. My eyes still looked tired in the mirror, bags visible. I ended up falling back asleep in the middle of the night after Isa did. But even with that one eventful interruption, I feel more well rested than I have in months. 

It had been one sleepless night after another since Boston, her memory haunting me even asleep. But now… I couldn’t help but smile as I replayed everything that’s happened in the last twenty-four hours, from boarding the plane after having been ambushed by Pablo with news of a sudden performance, to waking up with Isa in my arms. 

I reminded myself to buy each of my members something good before returning to the hotel as I exited the bathroom. I had just pulled out a mug from a cabinet to try making coffee, when the front door opened, and I heard a flurry of activity. 

I walked over to see Isa, back in her puffer coat and beanie, carrying plastic bags on her arms. Her cheeks were flushed from being outside, her hands covered in gloves. She had just slipped off her sneakers and put her feet into slippers when she looked up and our eyes met. 

Her face broke out in a wide smile, her eyes filling with happiness. 

“You’re awake.” 

“I am,” I said as I approached her and placed a kiss on her lips. She beamed at me, her face cold. I took the bags from her and brought them to the kitchen, realizing only moments later that she had not yet followed. I turned around to see her standing where I left her.

“What’s the matter?” I asked. 

“I don’t think I’ll ever get used to seeing you here.” She walked over to where I was and wrapped her arms around me. “I feel like I’m living in a dream right now.”

“It’s not a dream,” I reassured her. “I’m here. I’ll be here again. You need to get used to seeing me here because you’ll be seeing me a lot.”

“Really?” 

Her tone was hopeful, and I nuzzled her cap-covered hair. I realized that we still haven’t quite spoken about what happens now, but I’m sure that will come in time. 

“Absolutely.”

She pulled away and took off her coat, placing it on the back of one of her dining room chairs as I started digging through the bags. She had just taken her beanie off when the doorbell rang. 

“Are you expecting anyone?” I asked. 

“No,” she answered, looking baffled. 

We stood there looking at each other wondering what to do. It rang again. 

“Maybe if we ignore it, they’ll just go away?” she asked. “No one really visits me without notice.”

There was silence for a second, and I thought maybe what she said had worked, until the doorbell rang again. And then again. 

I walked over to her front door and opened it, only to see Pablo, Stell, Josh, and Justin on the other side. 

“So, you are alive,” Josh said dryly before entering the loft. 

---

Isabelle

I looked around, slightly overwhelmed, at the number of people now sitting around my dining room table, realizing only now that my loft has never had this many people over at the same time. Everyone was talking amongst each other, with Pablo and Stell sat on one side, and Justin and Josh on the other. 

Felip had already brought the rice to the table just minutes before. There were heaping platters full of eggs, longganisa, and tocino alongside it. I held in my hands a bowl of chopped tomatoes, mangoes, and chopped onions in fish sauce. 

Thank God I had the foresight to make the trek across town and replenish my groceries. 

“You okay?” Felip asked, placing a hand on my back. 

“Yeah,” I said in a whisper. “Do you think we have enough food?”

“Don’t worry about…”

He was interrupted by Pablo, who smiled at me. 

“Sorry to barge in, Isa. Michelle us your address. Ken wasn’t answering his texts again,” he said with a pointed look at Felip, “so we wanted to make sure everything was good.” He looked at the food before him. “You really didn’t have to cook all this.”

“I know,” I replied. “But I was just about to make Felip his birthday breakfast anyway, so it’s really no bother.”

Stell started laughing, and Justin nudged him on the side. 

“I can’t get used to you calling Ken Felip,” he said. 

“Why not?” Felip asked next to me before giving me a squeeze and taking the bowl to the table. “It is my name.”

I gave Stell a genuine smile, remembering how he tried to make me comfortable when I first met all of them, before I followed Felip and sat down on the seat at the head of the table. Pablo bowed down with his hands together and we all followed before he led us in prayer. 

“Let’s eat,” he declared once finished, reaching for the rice. 

“Everything looks great, Ate,” Justin said appreciatively. 

“Thank you,” I answered. “It’s not much, but it’s better than nothing. Felip and I only ate instant pancit canton and fried chicken last night. Please, help yourselves. There’s bottled water in the fridge and the coffeemaker is right there, if you’d rather have that.”

“Ken must be the only one in the world who had the same exact meal on his birthday on two different years,” Josh said, laughing. 

My eyes met Josh’s across the table, and I was surprised at the humor I saw in them. He was looking at me with such a different expression than he did at our first encounter. His laugh tapered off, and I saw Felip, looking from me to Josh, with a puzzled look on his face. 

“Is this something I need to feel jealous about?” he asked, although his tone was teasing. 

“You mean Ate Isa hasn’t told you?” Justin asked. “How Josh interrogated her the first time we all met?”

“She was so pissed.” Stell added a spoonful of the tomato and mango salad on his plate after taking a bite of tocino. “I thought she was going to explode.”

“I wasn’t going to explode.”

“No, she hasn’t,” Felip answered. “But I can believe it. We didn’t exactly get around to talking about… all that last night.”

Stell grinned. “I bet.”

Pablo cleared his throat. “So, Isa. Ken says you grew up here?”

“In New Jersey,” I responded, nodding. “So yeah.”

“And what do you do for work?” Justin asked. “I’m assuming you don’t sing, right?”

“No, not at all. I’m a nurse. Last night’s performance was just supposed to be a one and done type of situation.”

“You could sing, though,” Pablo commented. “You have a great vocal range.”

“Thank you, I’ve had plenty of karaoke practice.”

“So how,” Josh said in between bites, “are you guys planning on doing this?”

I thought about his question, not exactly understanding what he meant. I was still trying to decide whether to ask for clarification or formulate a response when Felip spoke. 

“Well, I guess now that I’m her boyfriend, I’ll just have to come back more often? Or Isa can come visit the Philippines, too.”

My fork was stopped midway to my mouth. “You’re my boyfriend?”

“What else would I be?” 

He was scowling, his lower lip in a pout, and I was jolted by the sight. This is not the performer onstage with the cool aura. I guess this was another facet of him that I have yet to know.

I smiled before I resumed eating. “I guess I have a boyfriend now.”

“Did you guys not talk about this last night?” Pablo asked. “What exactly did you two do?” Both Felip and I snapped our heads to look at him, and I could feel a flush starting on my cheeks. “You know what, I don’t want to know.”

---

January 11, 2025

Felip

Something’s gotten under Isa’s skin, I thought, as she threw her heels off her feet and stomped into the loft without looking at me. Her place was only lit by the recessed light in her kitchen. 

I’m back in New York City for our first year anniversary, and I had just taken her out for a meal at Schilling’s to celebrate. 

She walked across the hardwood floors, dropping her purse off on the dining room table and taking off her coat. She stopped and grabbed a water bottle from the fridge before she turned, took off her gloves, and looked at me. 

I noted the annoyance in her gaze, what seemed like anger coming off her in waves. Even so… I whistled under my breath as I studied her. 

I’ve seen my woman in the past year in mostly casual outfits, pajamas, or scrubs. She’d always worn very little to no makeup, claiming that she cannot be bothered. 

The careless way she treated her beauty was one of her best qualities, and it was something I really appreciated about her. 

But… Isa outdid herself tonight. Her hair was In a loose chignon low on her neck, wispy strands framing her beautiful face. Her eyes were smoky and appeared even larger, if that were possible. She had gloss on her lips, making them look impossibly full. The dress she wore was one I’d never seen, a vision in cream colored georgette with blue flowers, with off the shoulder sleeves, sweetheart neckline, and a cinched waist. It flowed in ruffles throughout, all the way to the floor. The diamond earrings she wore winked at me under the light, a gift I had given her on her last birthday. 

She was standing upright, tension evident on her creamy shoulders. Her tattoos peeked out in various places, and I wonder, not for the first time, how she would feel if I pressed a kiss on each and every one of them. 

She was still glaring at me, and I couldn’t for the life of me figure out what I did to make her so mad. We even took a walk to Pier 17 to enjoy the view. But she’s been in a temper since we started walking home, and I didn’t think to ask because Isa would tell me what’s wrong eventually. 

If I’d learned one thing being with her and loving her this past year, it was that she was assertive and honest about everything. Once she made the decision to be with me, she had no trouble expressing everything on her mind.

She never played any games, and I never had to guess. Her behavior now puzzled me. 

“What’s wrong?” I asked, taking my coat and shoes off before shrugging off my suit jacket. I took off my cufflinks before unbuttoning the top button on my shirt. I loosened my tie, slipped it over my head, and placed it on the table.

“What do you think is wrong?” She snapped. 

“Oh, I don’t know, Isa.” I kept my voice light, and she narrowed her brows even more. “I’m not the one having a tantrum right now.” 

I really couldn’t figure out what happened. I ran over in my mind anything and everything that could possibly put her in this state and could come up with nothing. 

“There were all these girls that approached you.”

“Babe, they were asking for an autograph,” I answered, “how was I supposed to know that people were going to recognize me? I’d have introduced you, but you were in the bathroom. Is that what you’re mad about?”

“No,” she said, crossing her arms over her chest. “I’m well aware of how many female fans you have.”

“Then what’s the matter?”

“Ugh,” she replied testily, “So, you have absolutely no clue. I can’t even with you right now.”  

“If thats not it, then what is it, babe?” When she didn’t answer, I sighed. “You have to tell me. At least so I can understand, apologize, whatever you need.”

“You really want to know?”

“Of course. If it bothers you this much, then I’d want to know all about it.”

It was so silent I could almost hear the clock ticking away. It was a few seconds before she spoke. “Why is it that everyone else is allowed to desire you but me?

“Excuse me?” I asked. “Of course you are.”

“No, I’m not. You don’t even want me.”

“What?” I asked. “You don’t think I want you?”

“I really don’t know. Maybe we’ve waited too long although technically it’s you who’s waited too long. I’ve tried so many times to give you the signal that I’m ready, and every single time you’ve been a gentleman and resisted me. I don’t even know how many other ways to say it without…”

She was talking to herself more than me. I could barely keep up with what she was saying, although I think I may be starting to get the gist. I hid a smile, though as soon as I realized that she was watching me, I straightened my face. 

“This is not funny.” 

A statement delivered in a sharp tone. I should have been irritated, but I’m not. The feeling of love filled me instead, thanking the powers that be that Isa chose me. I approached her in two steps, not stopping until I was in front of her.

“I don’t think it’s funny,” I said, my voice lowering. She lifted a defiant chin, her eyes blazing. “Isa, do you know how many showers I’ve taken in the past year?”

She shook her head, confused at the turn of the conversation. “I don’t know… 365?”

I chuckled. “I meant cold showers.” She blinked at me, realization dawning in her pretty eyes. “I’ve taken so many cold showers it’s a mystery I haven’t frozen up. Do you know how much I hate cold showers?”

She gave a quick shake of her head. 

“Do you know what I thought when I first saw you? Before I even found out that you were incredibly smart?” 

I ran my fingers on her neck, relishing the softness. Her breath hitched, her eyes closing, though she didn’t respond. 

“Pretty, I thought. I thought you were pretty then, but now, you’ve become so, so beautiful.” 

Every syllable was punctuated with a kiss. First on her shoulder, then on her collarbone. 

“You don’t think I’m consumed every second of the day with thoughts of you, wishing I was with you, wishing I was kissing and holding you? Every time I kiss you, I don’t ever want to stop.”

“Then why did you?”

I placed my hand on the base of her spine, pulling her closer to me. 

“Because I respect you. This, between us, means something. It matters. I wanted to show you that I can wait.”

“I never asked you to wait.”

---

October 2026

Felip

I entered the loft quietly, the clock reading 2:27 a.m. I sighed. I would have been sooner had there not been a delay in my flight. I slipped my boots off and put down my bag, locking the front door and dropping my keys off on the entryway table. My sock-covered feet barely made any noise as I walked on the hardwood floors. Our cat, Rina, approached me carefully before making figure eights around my legs, meowing softly. I picked her up and gave her a kiss on her nose, my fingers running through her soft fur.

The living room was lit only by a lamp, looking exactly as I left it from my last visit. On her fireplace shelf now sat even more frames. I walked over and studied them, Rina purring in my arms. There was a picture of me with my group members, in matching pajamas with Isa, on our trip here after the holidays last year, celebrating Christmas late. A framed picture of Rina as a kitten, me cradling her like I’m doing now, with Isa by my side the day we got her. And the last, most recent one, a black and white picture of me and Isa on Michelle’s wedding day a few months back, with her sitting on my lap wearing a bridesmaid dress, me in a tuxedo, my head tucked in her neck with her arm around me, her face caught in a laugh. 

I traced her face on the picture with a smile before I put Rina down and headed to the bedroom. The room was dark, the only light coming from the curtains on her window. I took off my shirt and sat down on the bed gently, careful not to wake her, before I laid down, still fully clothed. 

Asleep, Isa was so peaceful, her long hair spread over her pillow. Her breathing was even and light, her full lips relaxed. She was wearing one of my shirts, one of several pieces of clothing I left here for whenever I come. There was no trace of worry on her face. 

My hands hovered over her face, a finger tracing her cheek. I cupped her jaw as I ran my thumb over her lips. A small smile played on the corner of her mouth, as if she was dreaming. 

Was she dreaming of me?

Memories of the past year played in my head as I watched her. The neverending travel back and forth. The dates planned so carefully so we wouldn’t run into a fan inadvertently. How every time she came to the Philippines, we’ve had to create an elaborate plan for subversion. How every interview had to be answered so carefully so as not to reveal her existence. 

My heart ached in my chest. She deserved more than this. 

Unable to help myself, I placed a soft kiss on her lips, and she opened her eyes slowly. 

“Felip,” she said, her voice drowsy. “You’re here.”

I nodded and placed my arm around her head, drawing her closer. It only took a few seconds before she fell back asleep, her hand trustingly over my heart. 

The covers on the foot of the bed moved as Rina climbed up, walking in circles with her furry tail swishing, until she found the cozy spot next to my legs. She settled on all fours and watched me, her blue eyes blinking innocently, as if she knew what was going on in my mind.

I stared at the ceiling, thinking about what to do even though I already knew. 

It’s time, I thought. It’s time. 

It was my last thought before I fell into slumber. 

---

Isabelle

I felt soft fingertips on my face, the scent I’ve come to associate with love all around me. If my eyes were open I know whose face I’d see. My favorite face. His features were as familiar to me now as my own.

Even in sleep, I could play connect the dots with his tattoos; there were more of them now than the first time we met. I know the tilt of his laugh, the melody of his voice. I know his hands, always touching with tenderness, and his feet, which always finds its way back to me.

I could feel myself break into a smile. Unsure whether I was dreaming or not, I slowly opened my eyes to see the face I loved the most in front of me, his thick brushed back from his face. The single ray of moonbeam from my window kissed him, painting him in an ethereal glow.

“Felip,” I said softly. “You’re here.”

He nodded and I was pulled closer to the warmth. I placed my hand on his chest and fell back asleep to the beat of his heart. 

The next time I opened my eyes, it was morning. There was a heavy arm around me, and another cradling my head. So it hadn’t been a dream, I realized, a nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach making itself known.

Felip never came back unannounced. I wondered if everything was alright. 

My eyes narrowed as I gazed at the shadows under his eyes, his impossibly long lashes resting on his face. My fingers reached out to smooth the line between his brows, but I stopped myself before I made contact. I’m sure he’s exhausted from the long flight. 

I lifted his arm carefully before slipping out of bed, Rina already at my feet, waiting for her breakfast. I went to the kitchen and placed some wet food on a clean saucer and watched as she began to eat. I prepared a cup of coffee for myself and for Felip, before heading back to the bedroom. 

He was already awake when I came in, his eyes squinting from the sunlight, his back against the headboard. 

“Good morning,” I greeted as I walked over to him and pressed a kiss on his lips. I handed him his coffee, made the way I knew he’d like. “Did I wake you?”

He shook his head and grinned at me. “No. You know my sleep schedule gets a little funny with the jetlag.” He eyed me up and down, some mischief coming into his gaze. “You look great in my shirt.”

I shrugged my shoulders. “I missed you.” I walked over to my side of the bed, placing my coffee on my side table before climbing back into bed and putting my feet under the covers. “Is everything okay?”

I felt no need to talk in circles. Felip and I always did better when we just said what was on our minds. What made our relationship work was the honesty we always spoke with, regardless of the outcome. 

“Isa,” he said haltingly, as if looking for the right words to say, “I want to go public with our relationship.”

“You do?” I asked, and he nodded, his mouth set in a determined line. “Why now?”

His group just finished another world tour to great success and accolades. They’d just returned back to the Philippines a month ago. They were getting more well-known every day, it seemed like. 

“I’m tired of hiding, Isa. I’m tired of having to hide you.” He took a deep breath. “It’s not fair to me. It’s certainly not fair to you.”

I took his hand and traced the tattoos on his fingers. “If this is about me, you don’t have to worry. I’m not going anywhere. I knew what I was getting myself into when I fell in love with you, and we decided to be together.”

“Think about it…” he replied, his free hand running through his hair. “My fans have seen me through hard times, through bad times. But now that I’m in love and happy, I can’t even share that.” 

He looked at me directly, and my heart ached at the frustration I saw in them. 

“I’m tired of being scared that someone will find out about you, and it might be used against you. That’s a real possibility. I don’t care what they say about me. God knows that they’ve accused me of much worse.”

I remembered the pain that false rumors had caused him in the past. I wished I could banish the memories away. 

“I can’t have them turning on you, Isa,” he said. “I figured if the news came from me, I can minimize the damage somehow. I’m not here all the time. I can only protect you so much from thousands of miles away.”

I shook my head. “I’m not afraid. I’ve been with you for two and a half years. I’m well aware that at any time, someone could discover who I am, where I am, who I am to you. You don’t have to worry about me.” I looked at him in concern, my voice dropping. “Have you spoken to Pablo?”

“No,” he answered, shaking his head. “Not yet.”

“Why not?” I asked, my hands giving his a squeeze. “What are you scared of?” 

He sat wordless, not answering me. I saw the worry in his eyes as understanding dawned. The last one to join the group. The first one to debut with solo work. And now, this. I scooted closer to him in bed, our fingers interlocking.

“They need to know, babe. Your life, whether you like it or not, is inextricably tied to theirs. You’re not only a group; you guys own a business together. Not only that; they’re your brothers. They need to know that this is on your mind before you do anything. No one likes to be blindsided.”

“I just…” He said, his voice hesitant, “I can’t lose them, Isa. But I also can’t lose you. Or me.”

“You will always have me.” My voice was emphatic. “And I will never allow you to lose yourself. But your group… is more than just people you perform with. They’re family. And family doesn’t abandon ship just because the waves get rough. They will protect you.”

“You think so?” 

He met my eyes, a semblance of hope in their depths.

“I know so.” I smiled before I wrapped him in my arms. “You need to have the same faith in them as you do in me.”

---

July 2027

Felip

“I wanted to let you guys know,” I said as Pablo, Stell, Josh, and Jah settled themselves into seats in our conference room, “that I want to get married.”

Four pairs of eyes looked at me in surprise. Stell started clapping, and Jah broke out in a smile. Josh lifted an eyebrow, and Pablo cleared his throat. 

“That’s great, pre,” Josh said with a smirk. “But I’m not sure we should be the ones you should be talking to about this.”

“No, I know,” I answered, stammering, my hands rubbing my chin, “obviously, I mean to talk to Isa about this. Well of course, I will when I ask her, because I’d have to ask, but I wasn’t really… I don’t know how to…”

They all blinked at me. 

“Ken.” Stell looked at me as if he was about to laugh. “Are you okay?”

“What?” My tone was defensive, my mind in a whirl. “Why?”

“You just…” Stell waved a hand over his face “… you just look like you’re about to throw up. Either that or you’re constipated. Not really the look I was expecting to see when you give us happy news like this.”

“Congrats, Ken,” Jah said. “I’m happy for you and Ate Isa.”

“It’s nice, though,” Stell said, “you sound almost like how you did when we all first met.”

I was the last one to join our group, only having known most of them through past competitions. The only one from hundreds of islands away, armed with only confidence and a little bit of money. 

So many things have changed since then, but not the kinship I felt with this group of men, who have been by my side through it all. I sent a grateful look to Josh, who paid for my ticket to Manila. And to the rest of them, who have accepted me and helped me grow. 

“I wanted to let you all know before I proposed,” I said quietly. “Isa told me before I went public about us that I should let you all know before I decide on anything, since it might affect you, too.”

“So you’re asking for our permission?” Josh asked as he opened a bag of snacks. 

“No,” I said. “I’m going to ask Isa to marry me regardless. It’s probably not the best timing, with us having to maintain an image and everything. But I’m ready to start planning my future. And I don’t know a lot of things, but there’s two things that I know that have to be in there for sure: her and all of you. So no, I’m not asking for permission, but I’d appreciate your blessing.”

There was silence for a few minutes, the members first looking at one another, then to Pablo, who still hasn’t said anything.

“Well, I approve.” Jah was the first to speak. “I love Ate Isa. And Rina, too. I wish she could meet Saoirse.”

“You know I’ll support whatever you decide, Ken.” Stell gave me a smile. “You know best what will make you happy.”

“It’s cool,” Josh said. “I’m just surprised that you’re the first one of us here to get settled.”

“Do you want to see the ring?” I didn’t even wait for an answer before I pulled the baby blue Tiffany box from my pocket. 

“You already bought the ring?” Jah asked. “Let me see.”

“Yeah, I picked it up before coming home last time,” I answered before opening the velvet box to reveal a platinum ring with a single two carat stone in the middle. 

Josh whistled appreciatively. “That must have cost a pretty penny. Isa might lecture you for that.”

“But it’s classic, simple,” Jah added. “Very much like Ate Isa.”

“It’s flashy but not too flashy,” Stell said. “Perfect for the woman you’re proposing to.”

I laughed. “When did you all become such an expert on my woman?”

Pablo, who’d been silent this whole time, finally spoke. “It’s perfect, Ken.” He stood up and put an arm around my shoulder.” His eyes met mine and his mouth broke into a smile. “You’ve chosen well,” he commented, “On both the ring and the woman. I could never have picked anyone better for you, if I had to choose her myself.”

I nodded to him in appreciation, not being able to stop my face from smiling. 

“That brings me to the other thing I wanted to talk about,” I said, looking at all of them hopefully. “I need your help.”

---

August 30, 2027

Isabelle

I looked at Felip, dressed exactly like the day I met him, on the day I met him four years ago, and almost laughed. In a bout of sentimentality, I had done the same, having put on a shirt, sweatpants, and a pair of flip flops, just like I did that day. 

He had just entered our loft from the hotel after meeting with his members, and I had just changed after a late shopping date with Michelle. Felip had asked me to get ready for a date tonight, I’m sure aware of the significance of today. 

My man was a hopeless romantic. 

He smiled when he saw me, though I noticed a bit of apprehension in his eyes. Maybe something was going on with the company, I thought, making a mental note to ask later on. 

“Are you ready?” he asked and I nodded. 

He grabbed a blanket from the linen closet, the one I had bought from Duane Reade when we met, and I narrowed my eyes. 

“It’s not supposed to be cold tonight.”

He pursed his lips. “Just in case.”

I watched as he gave Rina a quick pet before putting his boots back on, stretching a hand towards me. We walked out of the loft together, and I lifted my face to the sunshine, glad to be out and about after having worked the last three shifts straight in the hospital. 

Felip was noticeably quiet as he led me towards South Street, stopping only to speak once we reached the street corner.

“Do you remember this place?” he asked, and I smiled at him, nudging his side. 

“Of course,” I replied. “This is where we met.”

His eyes crinkled at the corner, his gaze soft with the memory. “I’d gone for a walk to try to clear my head, and there you were, all mad that I spilled your coffee.”

“I thought you were lost.”

“I couldn’t have known that I’d just found the love of my life.”

“Strangely enough, I couldn’t have, either.”

We shared a smile. 

“Do you want to get some coffee?”

I decided to humor him. “Sure.”

We headed to T-Cafe hand in hand and entered the door to see Jose behind the register.  

“Hiya, Felip. Hey, Izzy.” He placed two large coffee cups on the counter, our names already on it. 

“How did you…”

“He called the order ahead of time,” Jose answered, “and paid ahead, too.”

He winked at Felip and I shook my head. What is this strange behavior? Felip and I have been back here several times in the past few years, but Jose just winked at him as if they were close. 

Felip led me to the milk and sugar counter before I could say anything, and I watched as he prepared his coffee-flavored milk, marveling that my man hasn’t changed, even after all these years. He certainly knew what he liked. 

We made our way to the front door when Jose called out. “Bye, Izzy! Good luck, Felip!”

I thought I misheard him and had thought to turn back around and ask when Felip ushered me out the door without so much as a say so. 

“Do you want to spend the night with me?”

His question brought on a bout of deja vu, and all thoughts about Jose and his cryptic comment was forgotten. 

I laughed. “I always spend the night with you,” I answered, my tone gleeful. “And not as innocently as that first night, I might add.”

---

Felip

By the time we reached Elevated Acre, Isa was regarding me with a knowing look on her face. She watched as I silently put out the food I had ordered from Poulette, the same exact meal the first night we met. I handed her some utensils and she raised her brows.

“So this is the plan tonight, huh?” she asked. “You’re really recreating the first day we met?”

“It was a memorable day,” I answered softly. “That day changed my life. I wanted to look back after so many years to how we started.”

“Nothing wrong with that.” 

She offered me wipes, the way she did that first day. She opened her salad first and put aside a bag for our trash, just like that day. 

I had to hide a smile. Isa was predictably consistent. It was another thing that I loved about her. 

Everything tonight had been almost exactly the same except for the look in her eyes. I remembered her past hesitation, her past resistance. Those days have long been gone. 

Thank God. 

“I think I was half in love with you already by the time we got here,” I shared as I pulled off a chicken skin with my fork. “I’m not even quite sure how I kept my head together.”

“Really?” She asked. “I was decidedly… undecided.” She had her spoon on her mouth as she thought it over. “I knew I was attracted to you, of course. I just wasn’t sure it was a good idea at the time.” She chewed on a piece of chicken. “I mean, all I knew about you was that you were visiting and you were leaving a couple of days later.”

Her phone rang, and she pulled it out of her bag, no longer turning away as she spoke. “Hi Mama. Oo (Yes). Kasama ko siya (He’s with me). Huh? Oh, ok.” She handed me her phone. “Mama wants to talk to you.”

I took the phone from Isa, smiling when I heard her mother on the line. She said she needed my mother’s number as she’s bought a new phone and none of her contacts transferred, and she wanted to see if I could give it to her so she could invite my parents over for Christmas. She also wanted to make sure that I was still, in fact, planning to propose to her daughter tonight. 

I turned away at that turn of conversation, trying to appear as if I was perusing the contents of the bag from Patisserie. I confirmed that yes, I will send her the number, and also yes, the proposal is still on, though not in those exact words. 

I could hear Isa’s mom’s excitement as she spoke, and I turned to see Isa watching me, a curious look on her face even as she continued eating. I said goodbye, and she hung up even before I could hand Isa back her phone. 

“That’s weird,” Isa said as she put her phone back in her bag. “She got off the phone fast. What did she say?”

“Uhmm,” I said, not meeting her eyes, my stomach in knots when I realized what my plan was tonight, trying to remember the speech I had written. “She wanted my mom’s number so she could invite my parents for Christmas.”

“Why didn’t she just call you directly if you were the one she wanted to talk to?” she asked. 

“She said she just got a new phone, and nothing transferred over. I guess she only had your number.”

Isa had taken me home to meet her family after our first year together, saying that she didn’t want them getting too attached too quickly. I’d since then kept in contact with both her sister and mother on a semi-regular basis and been back to her childhood home whenever I was in the city and she was due for a visit. 

Isa had met my family, too, on her first visit back to the Philippines after our first anniversary. As I predicted, my parents and sister all loved her. Despite the language difficulties, she had been open and warm. As if that wasn’t enough, Kuro also took an instant liking to her, further cementing my belief that she was the woman for me. 

I had videocalled Isa’s mother two weeks before with my parents from the Philippines, apologizing in advance that I couldn’t make it in person to formally ask for Isa’s hand. My parents’ tourist visas hadn’t been approved in time, but they’ve since received it and, I’m sure, they’ll be more than happy to come for the holidays. 

Or they will, as long as Isa accepts my proposal. 

The impending proposal had me shaking my head to get my bearings. I really don’t know how men do this all over the world. 

“Are you okay?” Isa asked, her lips pointing at the utensils I’d already put down. I glanced over to see that she’d already finished eating. “You barely touched your food.”

“Yeah, I’m good. I’m just not very hungry today.”

“Should we save dessert for later, then? I don’t want you getting an upset stomach, and I don’t want to eat it by myself.”

I nodded and she accepted my answer without question. She started putting her food containers away even as I placed my food back in its bag. I slid myself behind her, wrapping my arms over her shoulders and she leaned back, relaxing against my chest. I rested my cheek on her hair, willing myself to calm down.

We watched the sunset just as we’d done the first day we met, as I prepared my proposal in my head. 

---

Isabelle

By the time we got to the cobblestone steps, Felip had gone completely silent. I clocked the focused look on his face and only realized that I’d forgotten to ask whether anything was wrong. I’d been so distracted by everything that we were doing that it completely slipped my mind. 

“Babe,” I started, my voice hesitant, “is everything good?”

“Yes,” he replied. “Why do you ask?”

“It’s just…you’ve just been quiet all night, and you didn’t finish your food. That’s not like you at all. Often, you finish your food and then my food. And dessert.”

“I’m okay, Isa,” he answered. 

He didn’t look okay at all. He didn’t feel okay, either, the hand that was holding me a little clammy. I wanted to make sure, but I didn’t want to press, so I let it slide. 

“I just hope you know that I’m right here whenever you need to talk about…” 

My words trailed off as we entered the square, looking just as it did the first night we came. Except for one difference: there was no one here. The absence of people was acutely noticeable; often, this place was teeming with people, especially on a Friday night. 

“Did you clear this place out?”

Felip gave me a small smile as he took my purse from my arm and put it down on a bench, along with the bags and blanket he carried. 

Turning back to me, he held out his hand. 

“Will you dance with me?”

I had already taken his hand but was about to tell him that we can’t dance without music when I heard a familiar melody begin as soon as we walked to the center of the square. I looked behind me to see a pianist, cellist, and violinist in place, playing ‘Moon River’ as they’d done many years ago. 

Felip placed a hand on the small of my back, pulling me closer than he did that first night, the hand wrapped around mine strong and steady. He led us into the dance confidently, our bodies swaying to the rhythm. I smiled as I rested my head on his chest, just like I did so long ago now, and listened to the beat of his heart.

In my mind,  I saw us as we were, with so much fear and uncertainty before us. I remembered his courage and persistence, his understanding and love, and felt tears spring to my eyes. 

What a privilege to be chosen by this man. 

What made him extraordinary was not his looks, but his heart. A heart that is capable of so much love, of so much patience, of so much forgiveness. Just so much everything. 

He had waited and worked for my heart, and I knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that here, in his arms, was where I belonged. 

When the music ended, I lifted my face, prepared to thank him for today and for all the days that we’ve had together. But I couldn’t speak as our eyes met, his gaze tender as he looked at me, his brows furrowing when he saw my face. 

“What’s the matter?” He asked. 

I shook my head, unable to express my feelings fully, and he wiped the tears that fell from my eyes. I was about to respond when I saw something dart into the square from the corner of my eye and had to do a double take. 

Why the hell was our cat here?

Rina approached us, and I turned around and bent down to pick her up. I was about to ask Felip if we forgot to close our front door when I saw him on one knee, with a ring in his hands. 

“Isa,” he said, his voice shaky. “Will you marry me?”

---

Felip

When Isa turned around to pick Rina up, I dropped on one knee and pulled the ring from my pocket. I opened the box and held it out, hoping that I would get my question out without messing up. 

Her eyed widened with surprise when she saw me, and I took a deep breath. 

“Isa. Will you marry me?”

Joy filled me as she nodded, smiling, her tears falling earnestly. I was on my feet and in all of two seconds, my mouth on hers, careful not to squish Rina. We both turned as we heard cheers coming from one part of the square, and I saw Pablo, Stell, Josh, Jah, and Michelle walking towards us, two of them holding phones. 

I saw Isa’s mother and sister in one screen, and my family in another. Our families were congratulating us via video, as Isa was enfolded in hugs by my members. 

It wasn’t until the phones had been put away and we were all sitting outside one of the restaurants, Rina safely back in her carrier, that I remembered one detail, and I groaned. 

“What’s wrong?” Pablo asked, looking up from an email he was reading, and I laughed, embarrassed. 

I looked at Isa. “I had a whole speech planned. I was going to tell you all sorts of stuff…”

“It’s okay,” she answered. “You got your point across.” She leaned towards me and whispered, “You can tell it to me later.”

“I love you,” I said, taking her hand, now with my ring on it, and pressed a gentle kiss.

“I love you.” She smiled, the promise of forever in her eyes.

“Eyyy, you guys should save that for when we’re not here,” Stell teased as he drummed on the table. Lifting his glass of champagne, everyone followed, as did I, with my sparkling juice. “A toast, to the future Mr. and Mrs. Felip Jhon Suson.”

---

One Year Later

Isabelle

One day, someday, the man I love will be taking his bow one last time, but not quite yet. 

The life we lead is not the usual one. Between him spending time here with me and his home country, it often feels like we are perpetually caught in the first flush of our romance. Except now, we had time on our side. 

Time to get to know each other. Time to love each other. 

To grow together. To be together. 

The road we’ve traveled hasn’t always been the smoothest or easiest one, but it was ours. One way or another, we’ve managed to combine bits and pieces of our individual lives and fuse them together. It’s taken a lot of effort on his part and mine to make our love last.

But it has lasted. Five years in, and we’re still going strong.

There are times when I still struggle with the knowledge that I love a man that wasn’t just mine, with a man who still at times had to balance the two parts of who he is. 

But then I realized that it wasn’t just him who felt this conflict. We are all trying to reconcile two separate facets of our lives, such as distinguishing what we want from what we need. Sometimes it’s realizing who we are and determining who we want to be. And then there are times when we have to think about whether who we think we are aligns with who others think we are, and being okay either way. We are all trying to establish an identity from all the parts that make us and build a life from all the decisions we’ve made. 

We all lead double lives. The only difference between us and him is that his duality is showcased for all to judge and see.

At times, it’s been hard to watch him work so hard and know that there was still so much to do, for him and for the rest of his group. I see the pressure and how it weighs on him. I see his fatigue and the toll this journey has taken. But I also see the reward every time another accomplishment comes, his happiness from being able to perform onstage and being able to share it with Pablo, Stell, Josh, and Jah and all their fans. 

There are times when I wonder if our life will ever be just as simple as everyone else’s seem to be. When distance would no longer be an issue. There are many struggles behind the blinding light of fame, and I know he carries both the bounty and the burden of his extraordinary life. I feel the peace that comes over him when he’s with me, able to enjoy the stillness and silence of a life lived privately. I see the joy in his eyes when he wakes up with me in his arms.

I’ve kept my promise and loved him. Through the highs and lows. The good and the bad. And I intend to keep it, just as he has done. 

I touched the ring on my finger, finding comfort in its weight. We have started planning our wedding in a years’ time, but until then, we are still holding on, going back and forth, as we’d done all these years. After the wedding and honeymoon, I will start my career as a travel nurse, so I can split my time between here and the Philippines at my discretion. At least, until we hit another fork in the road. I can see the rest of our life as it will unfold in the future, but that time is not here yet. I know I could probably ask him to make a choice, certain of the one he’d make. 

But I won’t. 

Just like he will forever have to balance all the components that make him who he is, I will also have to balance his public and private life, as the woman who loves him. I suspect a part of him will always just belong solely to his fans, his music, his group, and the stage, regardless of how much he loves me, and I’m okay with that. After all he’s been through, asking him to give any of that up would be akin to severing a limb. 

His soul won’t survive it, and neither would mine. 

But his heart. I know where his heart belongs. No matter what happens and where he goes, I know it is my heart that he calls home. 

And that, for me, is enough. 

---

Felip

I really am lucky, I thought to myself, as we prepared to go onstage. I looked around me and saw all my group members, all happy, all healthy, still together after all this time. 

I no longer had to question who I was. Through them, the love of our fans, and the love of my life, I’d learned to accept that I will forever be a man caught in the middle of who I really am and who people think I am. As long as I stayed true to my values, my beliefs, and my truths, the gray middle never had to matter. 

I’ve been blessed with the truest things in life: family, friendship, brotherhood, and love. These are what drive me to keep reaching for more. 

I had been nervous about going public with my relationship, but I shouldn’t have been. My fans have accepted it with respect and full-on support. Though Isa and I never kept our relationship secret, our privacy was one that my fans have fiercely protected. They protect her as they protect me, and I am given the freedom to live as I want whenever we’re together, without fear of criticism or judgment. 

I will never take the gifts and opportunities I’ve been given for granted. 

My phone made a noise, and I smiled as I read a message from Isa. 

In case I forget to say it, I am so proud of you. Have a great concert. I’ll see you at home. 

I love you. 

I typed a quick response before putting it away, knowing that she will be in the audience cheering for me. 

I reread her message and fixated on one word. 

Home, I thought, the definition of that word has been transformed. It only ever meant a place for me, where I grew up, where I was from. But no longer. 

My home now has a face. My home now has a name. It is where my heart is, and it is always with her, no matter where I am. 

And here: on stage and with the people who have seen me in both my lowest times and highest achievements, and the fans who have defended me, protected me, and allowed me to perfect my craft and aim for the stars. 

I looked at Pablo and smiled. 

---

Pablo

I watched Ken as he pulled out the phone from his pocket, a small smile forming on his face as he read a message. I didn’t have to ask to know that it was Isa just by the way his eyes brightened, the smile widening as he typed back a response. 

He ran a hand over his hair and then leaned back, his eyes meeting mine sheepishly, and I smiled back. 

I’m only two and a half years older than him, but I felt like I was having a proud father moment. 

I remember him when he first joined our group, picked from a virtual audition after having been recruited by Josh. Stell, Josh, Jah, and I had already been training together, and he was the missing piece. Still, I remember his initial unease, the self-consciousness that he had then, which rarely makes an appearance nowadays. 

What a difference time and love has made. 

The boy I knew then has been transformed into a man, one who is not afraid of taking chances, of stepping outside of the box. The man I see now is grounded in who he is, aware and accepting of his place in the world. 

I have no doubt in my mind that he would have gotten there eventually, but falling in love with the right woman got him there at record speed. 

I will always be thankful that he has a woman that loves him for who he is- away from these lights, away from the fame, and away from the trappings that this lifestyle brings. They may have met by chance, but it’s choice that keeps them together. 

Destiny wielded its power and aligned them to meet, and it only took this one thing to change the course of his destiny. Sometimes I wonder how it was that it was Ken who found true love first, but I didn’t need much time to discover my answer. It was precisely because it was him. He had never shown any hesitation in the face of uncertainty, not in his career and certainly not in love. He is the only one among us who is brave enough to answer fate’s call without a second thought, and the gamble had paid off. And the reward: the love of a good woman, a gift more priceless than anything that this world can offer. 

It’s given him the security to embrace his uniqueness, no longer needing validation from anyone else. It’s allowed him to grow not just as an artist but also as a person. It’s given him permission to be everything that he was always meant to be, safe in the knowledge that no matter what happens, that he will always have a soft place to land. It gave him what he needed most: a permanent home.

I looked at Stell, Jah, and Josh and wondered how their stories will unfold, hoping with everything I had and everything I am that they will all have happy endings. They, too, deserve it. 

As for me, I’m not really sure, willing my phone to make noise for an email that may or may not come. I sighed and stood up. 

“Let’s go,” I said, and watched as Ken and the rest of our group lined up. We walked onstage, the cheers of our fans loud and deafening, and took our places.

Ken

I leaned against a side wall as I waited, one of the members of our staff speaking with the airline employees. I had sunglasses on, even though it was the middle of the night, uncaring about what people may think and unwilling to even manage to give one fuck about it. 

After the disastrous confrontation with Isa, she had walked away without one second glance. I had turned back to the van dazed, disbelieving of what just happened, the pain inside my chest almost bringing me to my knees. Nobody said a word as I entered, but I felt their eyes on me. 

I didn’t need their pity. I didn’t need anything. 

“Hey,” Stell said, standing directly next to me. “They said they could change your ticket back so you could go home with us tonight.” 

“Great.”

He looked at me as if he wanted to say something else, but decided against it. He was halfway towards where the rest of our group was when he turned back around and walked back towards me. He put a hand on my shoulder, and I stiffened. The last thing I needed right now was comfort. 

“Ken.” Stell’s voice was gentle and full of compassion. “I’m sure this was just a misunderstanding. She’ll come around.” 

I shook my head no but stayed silent. She thought of me as a liar. She thought I’d deceived her. Even after opening up to her. After doing everything that I thought I needed to do to show her my heart. She thought I was capable of not only deceiving her, but enjoying it. 

I put on my headphones and blasted some music as we went through the departure gate and customs, my hoodie back over my head. I blocked out all the sounds and people around me as we waited for our departure time, determined to just make it out of this country somewhat whole. 

My members sat close to me at the departure gate; though none of them said it out loud, I knew this wasn’t accidental. They did it to protect me. To provide some kind of physical barrier between me and whatever or whoever it was out there that could hurt me. I guess they didn’t realize that the person who could hurt me had already crossed the blockade a while back, with my full consent, as well. 

What a fool I was. 

I felt relieved when we boarded the plane, grateful that my seat was by the window. I rested my head against it and put my seatbelt on. I barely paid attention when Pablo slid into the seat next to me, a staid look on his face. In mere moments, the plane took off and we were up in the sky, on our way home. 

Home. The thought should have consoled me, this idea of familiar things and people surrounding me, as it would have just days ago. But it didn’t. 

I’m so fucking tired, all of a sudden. Of all of this. And the worst part? I can’t close my eyes without seeing Isa’s face, her eyes full of judgment. 

She had accused me of lying, but I didn’t. Not really. I had been more honest with her than I’ve ever been with anyone else, even myself. And she didn’t want me. 

Something solid lodged in my throat, the back of my eyes burning. 

“I’m sorry,” I heard Pablo say next to me, “about everything that happened.”

“You didn’t do anything,” I replied. “I should have seen it coming.”

“What did happen?” 

His tone was gentle, careful. As much as I didn’t want to talk about it, wasn’t prepared to talk about it, I knew that Pablo would not rest until he had given me a chance to unload. And maybe I needed to, because all this thinking is driving me insane. 

“She said I lied to her.”

“Did you?”

“I don’t know. I didn’t think I was lying,” I said. “I maybe didn’t tell her everything, but I didn’t think it  mattered all that much.”

I shrugged my shoulders. 

“I guess, somehow she feels that I’ve deceived her, and she can’t trust me. I don’t know, Pau.” I shook my head. “I have the feeling that this was more than just about me specifically, and that’s what’s tearing me up. She was so quick to let me go, like she was just looking for a reason to say we can’t work.”

Pablo was quiet for a few minutes, like he was contemplating the issue himself. 

“Maybe she’s just not ready.”

“What?” It was something I never even considered. 

“You two met what, like four days ago? You know that’s not enough time.”

“I didn’t have enough time.” I ran a hand down my face. “What is everyone’s obsession with time, anyway?”

“Because it’s the best lie detector,” Pablo answered. “Time reveals everything. How you really feel. How she really feels. I’m not saying that what you’re feeling isn’t real,” he continued, “believe me, I, of all people, know how quickly love comes. But relationships don’t work with just love alone, and all the rest that it needs have to be built, they have to be earned, and that, too, requires time.” 

“I know you’re right,” I said. “But I’ve never put my mind to anything and not achieved it. I thought if I gave enough, if I did enough, she would have no choice but to love me back.”

“You don’t have to tell me. I know you.” Pablo placed an arm around me. “But love doesn’t work like that. People don’t work like that.” 

“I don’t know what to do.”

“The bad news is there’s really nothing you can do. You’ve done all you can do, and whatever happens now is her choice.” My shoulders dropped in resignation. “Do you really think that you and Isa shared something real?”

I lifted my head and looked at him. “I do.”

He gave me a soft smile. 

“If this is something that’s destined for you, the universe will have no choice but to return it to you. What’s meant to be yours is already yours. Nothing and no one will ever be able to take that from you. The problem is, you might just have to wait.”

---

Isabelle

After another long grueling day at work, I entered my loft only to see my best friend, sitting at the dining room table, nursing a cup of tea. She rose gracefully when she saw me, walked over, and gave me a tight hug. When she pulled away, she cocked her head and examined my face, her own breaking out in a frown. 

“You look terrible,” she commented as she led me by the hand to the table. “How are you?”

“Same as always,” I said lightly, avoiding her eyes. “You know.”

“Are we back to this?” I looked up to see the hurt expression on her face. “Come on, Izzy. You know that I know you better than that.”

“I’m fine.”

“But not good.”

“I’m fine.”

She watched quietly as I stood up and prepared a cup of coffee, my eyes studiously ignoring the pot of tamarind stew that Felip made still sitting in the fridge, as I grabbed the creamer from the door. 

I turned around and looked at her over my cup. 

“If you’re here to check on me, I’m fine. I appreciate you coming here, but it really wasn’t necessary. I’m fine.”

“You’ve said you’re fine at least four times in the last five minutes,” she said, “which tells me that you are definitely not fine.”

“I’m fi…”

“You left Boston without telling me.”

“I had a flight to catch.”

“I told you I’d drive you to the airport.”

“You were still asleep.”

“Okay,” she said. “Fair enough. But you haven’t answered my calls in a week.”

“I’ve been busy.”

“Too busy to talk to your best friend after what happened?”

“Nothing happened.”

“Is this the game we’re playing now?” Her voice had taken on a sharp edge. “You must have already forgotten the part where you and a handsome stranger were going at it in the street, looking like some kind of tragic love story.”

“There’s nothing to talk about.”

“Except there is.”

“Miche, can we just drop it?” I asked. “He lied to me. It’s happened. It’s over. There’s nothing else to say.”

 “I swear.” Michelle looked as if she was about to explode in frustration. “I love you, but I cannot stand that you’re shutting me out. Me! You are so fucking stubborn.”

I could count on one hand the amount of times I’ve heard my best friend curse in all the time we’ve known each other. 

“It’s impossible to talk to you when you’re like this!” She started pacing the length of my kitchen. “If this is what that man has dealt with, I give him props. You make it so hard to get close to you, Izz.”

“That’s not true,” I responded, my voice defensive. 

“I’ve known you for fifteen years. You don’t think I’ve noticed? How easily you write people off when they’ve made a mistake?”

“Why would I keep giving people the chance to hurt me?”

“He’s not James.”

I’m not him.

“Izzy, not every man will hurt you.”

I’m not going to hurt you. 

Felip’s voice. Over and over. The memory brought on a fresh wave of anger. It felt as if every part of my body had been skinned raw, with salt poured over me. 

“People aren’t perfect,” my best friend said, “we all make mistakes. God forbid I disappoint you one day. Will you write me off too?”

“That’s different.”

“It’s not. Before all that happened in Boston, I have never seen you excited about anything in so long. You don’t find someone who can make you feel like that everyday.”

“It wasn’t true,” I countered. “Would you have me believing a lie just to be happy?”

“Is it because he’s famous?”

“I don’t care about his fame,” I said, my voice rising. “I don’t give a shit about it! You know what I care about? The fact that he lied.”

“It wasn’t a lie,” she responded quietly and I looked at her. “Did you think I was just going to leave you there? I heard everything. Felip is his name. He was telling you the truth.”

“How do you know that?”

“It’s called the Internet, Izzy. The man’s whole life story is on there for you to double check, triple check, whatever.” 

“I shouldn’t need to do that.”

“No, you shouldn’t,” she agreed. “But you’re operating from some inaccurate canon in your head, and as your best friend, I’m afraid that if I don’t point it out, nobody will.”

I slumped down on a chair. “Miche, what do you want from me? Because I really cannot handle this right now.”

“When will you handle it? When it’s too late?”

“I’m fine,” I said, more to myself than her. 

“You’re not.”

“Miche, please,” I pleaded. “It’s bad enough that everything here reminds me of him. Reminds me of the mistake I made in trusting him. I was right to end it. It was the right thing to do.”

“Izzy, you cannot close yourself off forever. You deserve more than what you’re allowing yourself to have. What egregious sin have you committed that you’re punishing yourself like this?” She stopped and walked towards me. “Because you loved James, and he left you? Fuck him. He never deserved you.” She touched my arm.”I know you like logic and reason and all that,” she said, her tone gentling. “But don’t get so caught up in proving that you’re right that you throw away the chance for the one thing that people spend their whole lives looking for.”

“And what is that?”

“Love.”

---

Ken

Life continued as before we went on tour, except I felt like a completely different person. The home that I had dreamt of seeing again for so long while I’d been on the road still felt like home, but I felt like I came back with a part of me missing. 

The everyday colors of my life seem duller somehow. 

I went to the province to perform and managed to carve out a couple of days to see my family. It had been wonderful to be around the people who made me, the people who will love me no matter what. 

I thought it would help me forget her, but even with the beauty of the trees and mountains around me, a sight I always enjoyed growing up, all I could think about was what she would say if she went there with me. I wondered what she would think of my family, and what they would think of her. 

On my days off, I spent my days with Kuro. I cooked. I played games. I watched movies. I tried my damnedest to not think of her, though my every memory now seems tinged by her eyes, her smile, her voice. I wondered what she was doing. Where she was. How she was. If she missed me as much as I missed her. 

I kept myself busy with our ever constant schedule. With so many events and opportunities coming up and our training schedule still as strenuous as ever, it seems being physically exhausted was the only way I could function without her on my mind. 

I do a good enough job of pretending that everything is okay in front of the people who care for me because I know they’d worry. I show nothing of what I’m feeling inside onstage because I had an image to maintain. 

And still, the memory of her lingered. Awake, asleep, or anywhere in the middle, she was still with me. 

Isa is with me whenever I see a sunset. She’s by my side when the evening sky is so clear you can see the stars, holding my hand and kissing me, her lips as soft as rose petals, her pensive eyes seeing me, as if for the first time. 

People say you can’t lose something you never had. That you can’t miss something you never knew. 

But I did have her, even for just the briefest of moments. Even she won’t be able to deny that however short our time together had been, that it meant something, and it mattered. And now that I’ve had a taste of what it feels like to be the one she turns to and the one who makes her smile, it cannot be undone. 

It’s been two months, and it seems distance and time has not dulled what I’m feeling one bit. Even the memory of her righteous anger warms me. Sparks flying out of her gaze even as she spoke without emotion. The mouth I love saying words I never wanted to hear from her. 

I poured my heart out in letters I would never send, and in writing songs I will never sing. But this was what she wanted, and I loved her enough to respect that. 

I wish I had held her closer that last night. I wish I had kissed her. I wish I had stayed. 

I wish for many things, not the least of which was this one thing: that I would at least see her one more time and have the chance to begin again. 

---

December 28, 2023

Isabelle

“So what is your plan, exactly?” My mother asked me on the phone. 

“I’m not really sure, Mama,” I answered grudgingly, although it was the truth. 

“How long will you be there?”

“Just a couple of days.” 

“You have the keys to the condo, right?” 

“I have it, Mama. I’ve already dropped off my luggage. Don’t worry.” 

“How can I not? It’s the first time you’re traveling to the Philippines in so long, and you didn’t want anyone to come with you.”

“There’s just… There’s just unfinished business that I have to take care of here. You wouldn’t have been able to take off work and Maria has Lu so…” I turned in time to see a car approach that looks very much like the car I ordered from Grab. “I have to go now, Ma. I’ll call you later, love you.”

I sat down in the back of the car after I was picked up. The Grab driver already had the address I provided when I booked my car ride, so there really was no need for much conversation. Distractedly, I looked out the window to see images I have not seen in many years, most of which I missed on the ride from the airport to my mother’s condo. 

How strange to be back in the Philippines as an adult, with my previous memories mainly made up of snippets from my childhood. I remember being excited as a child when the fishball cart came around, although technically, the fish balls weren’t so much ball-shaped as they were disc-shaped, fried to perfection and dipped in a sweet gravy-type sauce. I remember the traffic, with cars seemingly moving in some type of organized chaos. I remember the open air markets where I always had a bowl of goto and my lola haggled for the best prices on meat, fish, and vegetables. I remember the heat, though it seemed less intense now that it was December. 

I can honestly say that I had not expected to come back to the Philippines right now, except that Miche told me a few days ago that SB19 had a performance scheduled. My best friend has become quite a fan since the concert in Boston, and she made sure to tell me of their current schedule, even though I don’t ask.

She really was angry that day that she came from Boston to speak to me about Felip. It took her three weeks to talk to me again, and I had to be the one to call and apologize. In those three weeks, I did my due diligence, looking Felip up as Michelle had suggested, and confirmed that everything he had said was true. 

There was so much information about him and his group online, and even though I wanted to watch and read it all, I stopped myself. It was one thing to have access to this much knowledge as a fan, but I didn’t feel I had a right to know. With our history, it felt like I was invading his privacy by allowing myself information that he didn’t share with me himself. 

It was in the midst of this personal investigation that I realized just how bad my trust issues had become. I shouldn’t have had to check that what he had been saying was true. I should have trusted him enough to know this was so. 

I knew now that he never lied to me. His name hadn’t mattered. He was both Ken and Felip, both identities were both as much a part of him as the other. His acceptance of this duality was something I’d never known, as hard as I tried all my life to be whatever was expected of me and whoever everyone around me thought I was. It was in embracing who he was wholeheartedly that he was able to extend that same grace upon me, giving me something absolutely incredible: unconditional acceptance. 

It was one that I had cruelly withheld from him. 

Bitter regret came over me now, its heaviness stealing my breath. I closed my eyes as it took over my heart, squeezing a tight vice over it as scene upon scene passed by outside the car window. This wasn’t something new, but it hurts with the same intensity every time. The very real feeling of pain, alive and palpable, renders me breathless each and every single time. 

I live with the guilt and regret from having hurt someone who didn’t deserve it. At least not to that extent. Another lesson learned too late. 

I could have waited for the next time they came back to America to try to see him. Or just forget him altogether, since even I myself said we hadn’t shared much. That’s what the sensible side of me said, anyway. 

But, apparently, my heart accepted neither of those options and had begun to rebel against the logic that has ruled my life for so long. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about him since he left. Even when I was angry, my thoughts strayed to his memory and the last time I saw his face. I can hear his voice in my dreams. If I close my eyes tightly enough, I could banish whatever else was going on, make the whole world disappear, and just return to those few days: the day we met, the evening we shared, and the day I let him go. 

Those memories seem like nothing in the grand scheme of things, but they’ve kept me going through the long days and the lonely nights. 

It’s already been four months, and the image of him has become a friend. Even from a distance, even in just a memory, I kept him close and waited for the opportunity to make things right. 

I owe him an explanation, if he was willing to listen. I also owed him an apology, one I hope that he’d accept. 

It was all I could ask for, and it would have to be enough. His love was something I’d already rejected once, and I knew it was something I had no right to have. 

At least, not anymore. 

---

Ken

I sat on the makeup chair, getting my face prepped for our performance. Behind me, our hair stylist was applying some type of product on my hair to keep it brushed back from my face. 

My other group members sat around the small room, with Stell and Jah doing live sessions on TikTok and Instagram, much like how they did during our last global tour. Pablo was on the phone speaking to someone, and Josh was munching on some snacks from a side table brimming with food. We were all waiting to be called to the stage for our part in the concert. 

We were invited to perform as part of a showcase, and I hoped that we would be received well. Though we’ve stayed busy since we’ve come home and have attended several events and performed, this one felt different to all of us. 

Today held a special significance, as it’s the date that we held our first concert, five years ago. While we had been able to perform in a few cities, the rest of the concert tour had been canceled due to the pandemic. Our group was prone to sentimentality; when it’s taken so long to even see any type of success after all our hard work, we remember everything. 

Five years and we’ve since achieved so much more. Things we once only dreamed about now didn’t seem so out of reach. We’ve been blessed with success and our dedicated fans. It’s been quite a journey, I could hardly believe it myself when I think back on it. 

“Can you please make sure this holds?” I asked the stylist, pointing to my hair. “I have somewhere else to go after this.”

“You’re having that interview with the business magazine later, right?” Jah asked. “About Superior Son?”

“Yes,” I answered. “I’d hoped to do it earlier today, but something came up and they had to reschedule. The journalist is flying out to the UK tomorrow, so after this was the only option. Since you guys will need the van after, I already booked a car.”

Pablo stood up. “Alright, let’s do our huddle before we go onstage.”

The makeup artist and hair stylist finished up with me and I, along with my members, formed a half circle, our arms on each other’s shoulders. Pablo started with what he always does, with a prayer, before giving us words of thanks and encouragement. 

Inside my chest, my heart started racing, the feeling of anticipation taking over. This is the way it’s always been since I started performing. I was filled with both excitement and apprehension, hoping that the performance would go well and knowing that I’ll give my very best to ensure that it happens. 

There will be a nervous edge when I first step on stage, my training in control while I collect my bearing and composure. And within a few minutes, I will get comfortable and the rest of the performance will go as it has always gone. I was confident in this. We weren’t called live monsters for nothing, after all. 

We were called to wait onstage, our performance now only minutes away. 

Everything is as it had always been. We do the same routines and the same rituals as we always have to ensure that we achieve the same results. Consistency was our key to success. 

It has not failed us yet. 

But there was something new for me, too. As we waited on the side of the stage to be introduced, I allowed myself one little gift.  

I closed my eyes and thought of Isa. I imagined that she was here, cheering for me. I imagined her waiting for me after, ready to hold me close and tell me she’s proud of me. 

It was just an illusion, a bit of respite in my often chaotic life. It may not be real, but in it, she was still with me, and she was mine. 

---

Isabelle

I stood shoulder to shoulder with fans of SB19, everyone armed with the lightsticks that I recognized from when I was in Boston. There were several people clad in shirts bearing the group’s logo, one I only recognized because of my investigation, and others who wore headbands with the members’ images. 

I even saw some with Felip’s face, in different variations. In some his hair was red, in some black. There were others of him the way I’ve always known him, with the blonde hair he sported when we met. 

The air was ripe with tension and excitement. They were obviously the headliners as I’ve had to watch other performers before they would take the stage. I looked around me, and the arena was packed. 

I have absolutely no clue how I was going to even talk to him after this. 

“Wala ka bang kasama?” (“Are you not here with anyone?”) A voice asked, as if noticing my growing apprehension. I blinked at her, surprised that someone was even talking to me. 

“Yes.”

Understanding dawned. “I thought you were American,” she said, satisfied. “You look kind of lost.”

I gave her a small smile. “I’m not even sure how I even got here.”

“Who did you come here to see?” Her voice got louder as the crowd started to make noise. 

 “I guess… SB19?” 

“Me, too! Who’s your bias?”

“Bias?”

“Oh. You must be new at this,” she commented, nodding her head. “Who’s your favorite in the group?”

I really didn’t know how to answer this particular question without having to explain everything that’s happened, so I stuck with the short version. Besides, who would believe that story?

“Felip.”

“Ah, Ken! He’s my bias, too!” There was no hint of possessiveness in her voice, and I breathed a sigh of relief. I wasn’t quite sure how fans reacted to having to share their favorite, now that I knew there was such a thing. “I’m Maggie, by the way.”

“Isabelle.” 

Maggie suddenly directed her attention onstage, as the arena darkened and the crowd erupted in cheers. Even in the dark, I could make out five figures as they entered the stage and took their positions. 

The lights turned on as a familiar beat started pumping out of the speakers. It was the same song they started with when they performed at JVKE’s concert. I craned my neck to see where Felip was and felt my heart stop at my first sight of him, after so many months. 

I had expected the anger to return, even just briefly. But it didn’t come. What I felt instead was a painful yearning, for him, for the past, and for what could have been. 

I saw the focus on his gaze, the concentration. I saw the passion that he showed onstage, the same passion that he had once directed at me. 

After their more energetic numbers, they performed a ballad in Filipino. As I Iistened to the words, I felt something inside me unravel, my breath slowing down. 

Tanging pag-asa ko’y biglang naglaho

Ngunit pag-ibig ko’y ‘di nawala

At kahit pa ang mundo ay mag-iba, ako’y laging nandirito

‘Di man ako para sa ‘yo, puso’y ‘di magbabago

Walang iba, walang iba, wala nang hahanapin pa

Pag-ibig ko’y sa ‘yo, sa ‘yo hanggang sa huli

I was frozen as the feeling of love coursed through me, undiluted and pure. 

And I knew it was love, because I knew I would be content with just this. Even just seeing him from afar. Hearing his beautiful voice. Knowing that somewhere in the world he was living well and achieving his dreams. 

It was a revelation, how time could change everything. How love could change everything. Everything I missed the first time I saw him perform, I finally saw now. Everything he’d tried to tell me. Everything he’d tried to show me. 

In my resistance to see, I’d lost him. And that was a decision I would have to live with for the rest of my life. 

---

After the show ended, Maggie and I walked out of the auditorium. “Wasn’t that amazing? she asked, and suddenly placed a hand on my arm. “Do you want to get an autograph?”

“What?”

“I mean, you came all this way. Do you want an autograph or something?” she repeated, not waiting for an answer before she started dragging me towards a door I’m not sure we’re supposed to be entering, only to see a few fans already there as well. 

I was about to ask her if we were allowed to be there when suddenly, the members of SB19 came out, obviously on their way to the dressing room. I heard the fans call them by their names, and they smiled and waved, stopping every so often to give autographs. 

But there was no sign of Felip. 

“Hi, Stell!” Maggie greeted, and a red-haired man turned around and smiled. 

Wow, was my first thought, surprised at how handsome he was. 

I let my eyes wander to the rest of the group and realized that they were all equally good looking. It was hard to see when they were onstage, but their good looks are kind of surreal up close. 

A dark-haired man walked by us, and Maggie called out a greeting, “Pablo! Can I have your autograph?”

The man called Pablo stopped right in front of us, a gracious smile on his face. “Sure,” he said, grabbing the poster and pen that Maggie was holding. “What’s your name?”

“Maggie.” She turned to me, excitement written all over her face. When he handed her back the poster, he turned to me. “Did you want one, too?”

“Ah,” I stammered nervously. “Sorry, I didn’t come prepared. But uh, I think I may have a post-it in here.” I dug into my purse, took out my passport and my wallet, and pulled out a post-it pad. “Here you go.”

He gave me a curious look. “And what’s your name?”

“Isabelle,” I answered. “Isa.”

“Isabe…” he stopped writing midway and looked at me with what looked like recognition. “Isa?”

I nodded. 

“Where’s Ken?” Maggie asked. 

I waited for his response with my breath held, wondering if I was going to get to see him, after all. 

He didn’t get a chance to answer, as one of their staff whispered something in his ear. He handed Maggie back her pen. 

“I’m so sorry,” he said. “But I have to go. Thank you for coming.”

He gave me another unreadable look before walking away, grabbing another dark-haired member’s arm, who then turned and also glanced my way. 

“Sorry you didn’t get to see Ken,” Maggie said. “And you traveled so far, too.”

“It’s okay,” I said weakly, a little confused about what just happened. 

Maggie and I said our goodbyes at the venue door, exchanging IG profiles so we could keep in touch. 

At least I met someone nice, I told myself, trying to tamp down on the disappointment that I felt. I knew it was a long shot, but I’d still hoped that there might have been a chance. 

It’s okay, I told myself. At least you tried. 

I had just opened my Grab app to book a car ride back to the condo when I felt a hand on my back and my heart leapt. 

Maybe he was here. Maybe it’s hi…

I turned around with a smile on my face and saw a woman wearing an SB19 shirt, regarding me politely.  

“Miss Isabelle?”

“Yes?” I lost my smile and looked at her questioningly, wondering how she knew my name. 

“Can you come with me, please?”

“Why?” I asked. “Did I do something wrong?”

She smiled. “Please, if you could just follow me.”

She led me through a back door, and the whole time I was following her, I ran over in my mind all the possible reasons why she would need to see me. I was half convinced I was going to be arrested. I wasn’t sure what was going on. 

“Excuse me,” I said. “If you could just tell me what this is about, I would really…”

My words stopped when she opened a door and showed me in. She was gone before I could even think about thanking her. 

I stepped into the room and was shocked to see all the members of SB19, except Felip. The dark-haired one was leaning against a table full of what looked like snacks. Stell and another platinum-haired man were sitting on a sofa, and Pablo was standing behind me, a detail I only realized when the door closed. 

They were all here, so maybe Felip was coming, too. Pablo sat down on a stylist chair and cleared his throat. 

“Isabelle, right?” His tone sounded friendly enough, but his eyes were impassive. “Isa, from America? New York City?”

I nodded. “How did you…”

“Your passport,” he said. “I saw it when you pulled out the post-it.”

“Oh, okay,” I stammered. “But I’m not a journa…”

“Why are you here?” The dark-haired man asked. His eyes were narrowed at me suspiciously, the piercing over his left brow winking at me. 

I felt a flash of temper. Why was he looking at me like that?

“Kuya,” the platinum-haired one said. “Ano naman.”

The red-haired man gave me a little wave and a genuine smile. He had great teeth. “Hi.”

Pablo shook his head. “Maybe we should introduce ourselves first.” He looked at me. “I’m Pablo. I’m the leader of our group.”

I heard them introduce themselves earlier, but I’d been so focused on Felip, I really hadn’t paid any attention. 

He looked pointedly at the members. The red-haired man raised his hand and spoke. “I’m Stell, SB19’s heavenly voice.”

“I’m Justin, the bunso (youngest),” the platinum-haired one piped up. “Wait, can you understand Filipino?”

“Yes, I’m just terrible at speaking it,” I answered before turning my attention back to the dark-haired man, who was still watching warily. 

“I’m Josh, the most charming member.”

“I don’t know about that,” I muttered under my breath. 

The person called Stell started laughing, and I turned to him, baffled. “I’m sorry,” he said, waving his hands out, “but it’s so funny that we introduced ourselves like that. I’m sorry,” he repeated, this time directed at me, “we’re not usually this uptight.”

“Why are you here?” Josh asked. 

Direct to the point, are we? My temper flared again.

“Do you ask everyone who attends your concert that question?”

“That’s why you’re here?” Justin asked, a warm smile on his face. “To see us perform?”

I nodded at him. 

“All the way from America.” Josh’s voice still had an edge. “It wasn’t even a concert.”

“Is there a rule saying that I can’t come from America to watch your group unless it’s a concert?”

Out of nowhere, Pablo started laughing, his amusement audible. 

Were they making fun of me? I frowned, my spine straightening. I crossed my arms over my chest. 

“Man,” he said in between laughs, “I can see why he likes you.” 

It took a moment for him to stop laughing, Stell and Justin looking at him with bemusement. Pablo glanced over at Josh, who was still killing me with his eyes. 

“What is your problem?” I asked him directly, unable to control my temper. 

“Isa, I have to apologize,” Pablo interjected before he could answer, “Josh can be, actually we all can be a little… protective.”

“What are you saying?” Josh said. “She broke his heart.”

“Is that what he said?” I asked. “That I broke his heart?”

“He didn’t have to,” he snapped, shooting a glare my way. “We’ve known him for years.”

I looked down to the floor, this bit of information nagging at me. “For your information,” I said, lifting my head and addressing them all, hoping that they could hear the sincerity in my words, “my heart was broken too. You wouldn’t know that, and I’m not saying you should care because I mean, who the hell am I, right? I know it’s not a competition, but I lost too.”

No one said anything. 

“I thought he lied to me.”

“Ken doesn’t lie, though,” Justin said, looking at his members for confirmation. “He doesn’t.”

“I realize that now,” I admitted. “That’s why I’m here. I owe him an apology.”

“You came here to apologize?” Stell asked, beaming, his hands cupping his face. “I’m so kilig right now.” 

“You didn’t come here to play with his feelings, right? He was a wreck when he left America.” Josh’s voice didn’t sound angry anymore, but he still seemed full of reservations. “He’s only just beginning to act like himself again.”

That, I didn’t know, and I covered my face with my hands. “I’ve messed everything up.”

Stell and Justin jumped up in concern and surrounded me, hands suddenly patting my back for comfort.

“Josh.” I heard Pablo’s voice. 

“It’s true,” Josh argued quietly. “I’ve never seen him like that.”

“I’ve messed everything up, and I’m sorry.” I said. “You may not believe me, but I am. I had hoped to talk to him and tell him this myself.”

“Let me ask you a question,” Pablo said, and I met his eyes. “How do you feel about Ken? It’s probably none of our business, but he’s a brother to us, and we really don’t want anything to happen that might hurt him any more than it already has.”

“I understand.”

And I did. I took a deep breath, for once thankful that even with all these disconcerting things going on, that this was something I was sure of. I just never thought that the first time I would say it, it would not be to him.

“I love him.”

It took a moment for what I said to register.

“Why?” Stell asked. 

“Stell,” Pablo admonished gently.

“What?” Stell asked. “I want to know.” 

All the members peered at me with expectant looks on their faces. 

“I can’t point to just one thing because it’s the combination of everything that he is. He’s kind… and he’s warm. He’s funny. He knows who he is. He was so…” I shrugged my shoulders  “…gentle and patient with me. I’ve never known such tenderness, and I didn’t know what to do with it. I wasn’t sure whether I could believe it was real. It happened so quickly, and I didn’t know it could happen that fast.”

I realized I was probably babbling, but I couldn’t stop.

“Frankly, it scared the shit out of me. I couldn’t even accept my own feelings until he was already gone. But I realize now, that it was never him that I couldn’t trust.” I took a deep breath. “It was me.” I gave them a regretful smile as my fingers fiddled nervously with the strap of my purse. “My instincts haven’t exactly led me down the right path before, so I didn’t trust feelings. The impermanence of what anyone feels is the only truth I’ve always known.” I gave a humorless chuckle. “I really thought that by letting him go, I would save us both more pain. Obviously, I was wrong.”

The room was so silent you could hear a pin drop. It seems they were as surprised by my answer as I was. 

“Why didn’t you just call him?” Pablo asked gently. “He would have answered your call.”

“I erased his number from my phone and threw away the paper he wrote it on,” I bit my lip. “I didn’t want to be tempted.”

“I’m sorry to say, but he’s not here,” Stell gave me a sympathetic look. “He already left for another engagement.”

“Oh.” I swallowed, “Oh.” I blinked back the tears that filled my eyes as I avoided all their gazes and tried to give them a smile. “Of course.” I tightened my hold on my purse and prepared to leave. “Thank you for listening. If you could just let him know I stopped by, I’d really appreciate it.”

Josh stood up and approached me, all signs of hostility gone, his face stoic. 

“You can tell him yourself. Here,” he said, handing me his phone after typing something on it, “send him a message.”

I looked at him in gratitude as I slowly took his phone, noting that he’d already opened a chat box with Felip. 

“Thank you.” 

I was humbled by their understanding and generosity. That they gave me a chance to at least explain myself was more than I thought I’d get and certainly more than I deserved. 

This must be why Felip loved them so much. 

“Don’t thank us yet,” Josh responded, “he might have responded months ago, but he might not now.”

---

January 11, 2024

Ken

I had just woken up from my nap, jetlag fully kicking in, wondering why my alarm didn’t go off. I bought a new phone a few days ago, and I still haven’t managed to familiarize myself with its features. We were back in New York City for a TV appearance in the morning. A performance which, apparently, came last minute. 

“Ken, come on,” Pablo shouted from the shared space in our suite. “We have to be somewhere.”

I really didn’t want to go anywhere. It’s cold outside, and this city doesn’t exactly hold good memories for me. It had been hard enough not seeing Isa when I was out of the country, but now I wasn’t just in her country, but her city. And today of all days. 

With everyone already dressed, I had no choice but to get ready, too. When I came out of my room, all my group members were talking quietly among themselves. All conversation stopped when I joined them, and I looked around only to see all of them avoiding my eyes. 

I frowned. 

“Ready?” Jah asked, smiling a little too brightly. 

I nodded, though I found the expression on his face a little circumspect. He looked like he was trying to hide something. 

We all walked out of the room and entered the elevator. The members were noticeably quiet, and I knew that there was something up for sure. 

We made our way to the hotel’s exit straight into a black SUV, not our usual form of transport when on tour. Where the hell was our van?

About ten minutes into the ride, the silence bothered me enough to actually say something. 

“Guys, I’m not really sure this is a great idea,” I said. “We have to perform tomorrow and we haven’t even rehearsed. Aren’t we supposed to be picking up our staff from the airport in a couple of hours? I’m not sure going out is the right thing to do right now.”

No one answered until the car came to a stop.

“There is no performance,” Pablo declared. “This trip is strictly for you.”

“We’re already late,” Stell said before I could ask Pablo what he meant. “Come on.”

He climbed out of the car, with all of us following. They all seemed to know what was going on, but they didn’t think to include me. I tried to look around when I came out, to see if I could place myself, and though the place looked familiar, I couldn’t figure out where I was, exactly. 

“Late?” I asked. 

“Yes, late,” Jah chided, “if you hadn’t taken a nap, we would have been here on time.”

“Eyyy… You all know my sleep schedule is messed up whenever we travel. But where are we?”

“It doesn’t matter,” Pablo replied. “We’re giving you your first gift.”

“It’s not even my birthday until tomorrow. I told you I didn’t want any gifts.” I blew a breath. “The amount of gifts you’ve already given me over the years…”

“Pre, trust us,” Josh interrupted, “you’ll want this gift.”

Pablo entered what looked like a coffee shop before stopping at the doorway. I looked at the signage and didn’t recognize it. 

“What are we doing here?” I was so confused I didn’t know what to do with myself. I’m normally someone who just goes with the flow, but being back in this city, knowing Isa was not that far away, was throwing me off. 

Stell stopped right in front of me. “We got tired of you being stubborn after she made that whole trip to the Philippines to watch you perform and talk to you.”

“What?” I ran a hand through my hair. “Who is she?”

“Ate Isabelle.” Jah answered, giving me a scolding look. “Surely you couldn’t have already forgotten. Philippines?  Our concert a couple of weeks ago? Your interview? Ring any bells?”

Pablo must have seen the confused look on my face, and he squeezed my arm to try to put me at ease. 

“We met her afterwards,” he said quietly. “You’d already left.”

“You met Isa.” It was a statement, not a question. 

“Yes,” Stell retorted, “and she’s lovely.”

“You met Isa.” 

Jah merely blinked at me. “She was a little pissed off from the interrogation that Kuya Josh gave her, but yeah, she passed with flying colors.” 

The words sunk in, and I shook my head. “Why did no one tell me?”

“What do you mean?” Josh was frowning at me, even as he stepped back to allow some people to enter the coffee house.”We didn’t think we had to. She texted you from my phone.” He tsked. “When you didn’t say anything about it, I just assumed you didn’t want to talk.”

I looked at him incredulously, not quite believing my ears.

“This is why I tell you to check your text and not just the group chat. What if I had something important to tell you?” he chided.

“You never have anything important to tell us,” Jah chimed in, grinning.

“What text?” I asked. “I never saw a text. You know I broke my phone that night.”

“We thought you were just dragging your heels and being stubborn,” Stell added.

“See?” Josh handed me his phone. “Look.”

New York City is beautiful in the winter. I still owe you a view. Isa 

P.S. My last name is Diamante.

She had ended the message with her number, the same one I haven’t erased from my phone but couldn’t get myself to dial. 

“And then her friend contacted us on IG saying that they’ll be here tonight,” Justin continued, “So we decided to come, as a birthday gift to you!”

“Why would you do that?” I asked. “She doesn’t want anything to do with me. That’s what she said. I don’t understand…”

“I get that,” Pablo said impatiently, “but you’ll never understand if we just keep standing out here in the cold all night.” He herded us and started pushing each of us through the door. “Let’s go.”

They all walked ahead of me, as if they knew where they were going. Soon, they stopped in front of a table, a “Reserved” sign on top of it. Although I had so many questions, I kept my mouth shut. I was having trouble processing the information that I’d just been given. 

Isa came to the Philippines? For me?

I was momentarily distracted when the server came and took our orders, but I was anxious to see how this night was going to unfold. I tapped a finger impatiently on the table, my legs restless underneath. All my members were listening to the person currently reading a poem onstage, their gazes turning to me every so often, as if they were also waiting. 

I wondered if Isa was already here, looking around and finding no sign of her. What I did see was a face I vaguely recognized walking towards our table, her mouth smiling in welcome. 

“You made it,” she said breathlessly, addressing all of us, “I had hoped but didn’t think you would. I swear I’ll only fangirl for a second. I’ve been following you guys since I saw you perform in Boston. You’re amazing.”

All my group members said words of thanks as they all shook her hand, taking turns standing up to offer her a seat. She declined all their offers and took the empty seat next to me. 

“Hi, Felip,” she greeted. “Or would you rather be called Ken?”

“Uhmm, either is okay.”

“My gosh. Your voice really is that deep.” She blinked at me. “I’m Michelle, Izzy’s best friend.” I didn’t quite know how to respond. “Remember? We met after the concert?”

“Yes,” I answered, finally finding my voice. “It’s nice to meet you.”

“You, too.” She looked at me knowingly. “I bet you’re wondering where your girl’s at, right?” 

I gave her a small nod, though I wasn’t sure if she could be called that. Michelle pointed her head towards the stage and smiled. I looked over to see a guitarist take his position and, right behind him, walked another figure. 

Isa. 

I swallowed as I watched her lower the mic stand and take a seat on the stool behind it. I could feel everyone’s eyes on me as I took her in, like a fantasy come to life after such a long time. Inside my chest, it felt like my heart had come back to life. 

Her hair was longer now, and they fell in a cascade of loose curls over her shoulders. She wore a sweater over jeans, her boots up to her thighs. She blinked as the light hit her face, a hand coming up for cover. The eyes that almost looked too big for her face were shut for a moment before she opened them, her gaze softer than I remembered, her generous mouth breaking out into a small smile. 

“Hi, everyone.” She sounded nervous, but her voice was like music to my ears.  “My name’s Isabelle.”

---

Isabelle

“I can’t believe you’re going to perform,” Miche said, “after all these years.” She placed a hand on my cheek. 

“I feel like I’m going to throw up.” I released a deep breath.

“You can still back out if you really don’t want to do this.”

“I know, and thank you for saying that.” I straightened my shoulders. “But I’ve already spent too much of my life being afraid of doing anything. It doesn’t even matter that Felip won’t know that I did this; at least, I can say I tried, right?”

“Absolutely.” Michelle pressed a kiss on my cheek affectionately. “I’m so proud of you.”

“I think it’s our turn,” I told her as the poet exited the stage, and I saw the host signaling to us. “Wish me luck.”

My best friend threw her arms around me. “Oh, Izzy. I wish you all the luck, all the love, all the happiness. All of it. You deserve it.”

She gave me a smile before she walked away. 

I spent the few minutes waiting for the stage to be cleared giving myself a silent pep talk, telling myself that the worst thing that could happen is that I mess up. But that didn’t matter. I’d messed up on more important things already.

This was nothing. 

The guitarist I’d been provided went onstage first, and I watched as he took his seat. I followed when he was settled in, so nervous I was afraid I’d trip and fall. When I reached the center of the stage, I lowered the mic stand to my height before I sat down. 

When the spotlight shone on me, I covered it with a hand as my eyes adjusted to the light. I hoped that no one could see how tense I was, grateful that the room was so dark I could barely make out any faces. Knowing that helped ease my nerves a little. 

I closed my eyes and allowed myself to think of Felip, his image offering me a measure of comfort and security. When I opened them, I gave the audience a smile and began to speak. 

“Hi, everyone. My name’s Isabelle.” I sounded apprehensive even to my ears and cleared my throat. “I’m dedicating my performance tonight to someone very special to me. Please forgive me for telling what might sound like an overly long story, but it’s one I have to share. Otherwise, I’ll convince myself that it hadn’t been real and that it didn’t happen at all.”

The audience was silent and I continued. 

“I met someone a few months ago, though it seems like forever now. It was unexpected, and it definitely took me by surprise. He took me by surprise. It was like the universe decided it owed me a gift and that gift was him. But I wasn’t brave enough to accept what he was offering, and I let him go.”

I paused and tried to get my emotions under control. I looked out into the crowd and bit my lip, fighting the tears that filled my eyes. 

“You know what though? Even though I can’t be with him, I carry him with me still. The love he had shown me in such a short time helped me realize a few things about myself, some not so good, and I’ll always be grateful for that because it’s what opened my eyes to what I needed to do to actually become worthy of that love. Losing him also taught me something even more precious: that there are things in life that will always be worth the pain of loss. That there are things worth fighting for, things worth waiting for, and worth taking chances for, over and over again.”

My voice broke as a stray tear fell, and I dabbed my cheek with the back of one hand. 

“I wish I could show him how strong I’ve become. Like the butterfly we once talked about, I finally embraced the change I’d fought for so long. I wish I could apologize. I wish I could thank him. I wish for a lot of things. But since none of that is possible, this will have to do.”

I nodded at the guitarist and he started playing. I closed my eyes and let my voice soar.

---

Ken

I was speechless as I listened to Isa bare her heart on the stage, looking more vulnerable than I’ve ever seen her but with a strength that hadn’t been there before. That she was retelling part of our story to a roomful of strangers so honestly floored me. I know how difficult it must be for her. 

Even in her obvious discomfort, she still looked impossibly beautiful. 

“Losing him also taught me something even more precious,” she continued, “that there are things in life that will always be worth that pain. That there are things worth fighting for, things worth waiting for, and worth taking chances for, over and over again.” 

Her voice broke, her sadness tangible. My heart ached, and had we been anywhere else, I would have stormed onto that stage and told her that none of it mattered. That we can try again. 

“I wish I could show him how strong I’ve become. Like the butterfly we once talked about, I finally embraced the change I’d fought for so long. I wish I could apologize,” she confessed, “I wish I could thank him. I wish for a lot of things. But since none of that is possible, this will have to do.”

She gave the guitarist a quick nod and he started to play a melody unfamiliar to me. And then Isa began to sing. 

This is how the story went

I met someone by accident

Who blew me away, blew me away

And it was in the darkest of my days

When you took my sorrow and you took my pain

And buried them away, buried them away

I wish I could lay down beside you when the day is done

And wake up to your face against the morning sun

But like everything I’ve ever known, you’ll disappear one day

So I’ll spend my whole life hidin’ my heart away

Dropped you off at the train station

Put a kiss on top of your head

Watched you wave, and watched you wave

Then I went on home to my skyscrapers

And neon lights and waiting papers

That I call home

I call that home

I wish I could lay down beside you when the day is done

And wake up to your face against the mornin’ sun

But like everything I’ve ever known, you’ll disappear one day

So I’ll spend my whole life hidin’ my heart away

Away, yeah

Woke up feeling heavy hearted

I’m going back to where I started

The morning rain, the mornin’ rain

And though I wish that you were here

On that same old road that brought me here

It’s calling me home, it’s calling me home

I wish I could lay down beside you when the day is done

And wake up to your face against the morning sun

But like everything I’ve ever known, you’ll disappear one day

So I’ll spend my whole life hidin’ my heart away

I can spend my whole life hidin’ my heart away

She ended the song to loud applause, whistles, and cheers. Her voice had been honest and true. She’d sung the whole song with her eyes closed, with the same expression on her face as before I had kissed her. The pain in her voice resonated inside me, and I stood up and turned to Michelle.

“Where are you going?” Pablo asked. 

“Where can I find Isa?” I asked her. “I have to talk to her.” 

“Just wait a minute,” Michelle said. “I’m sure she’s com…”

She fell silent as Isa approached, her steps slow and careful, her gaze directly on me. Her expression was one of disbelief and wonder. Although she blinked in rapid succession, her eyes never strayed away from mine. 

My heart leapt in my chest. She was looking at me in a way that she’s never done before. 

Does that mean there’s still hope?

“Izzy,” Michelle said, her voice hesitant. “Look who’s here.”

“You came back.” Her voice was disbelieving.

I nodded and put what I’d hoped was a grin on my face. 

“I did.” 

I took a tentative step towards her, half afraid that she would back away like she always did in the past. 

Not this time, though, I thought with relief, as she took a step towards me instead. 

---

Isabelle

I closed my eyes and wondered if I had wished him here. Or at least this image of him. How strange, though, because when I opened them again, he was talking to a person who looked like my best friend. 

Am I imagining that too?

He looked like he did when we first met, except the eyes that once looked at me in tenderness now looked at me with suspicion. But still…

I let my gaze linger over his face, noting every dip and curve. The eyes that could fill with innocence or intensity at any given time. His straight nose. The mouth that I knew could break into a smile or gut-busting laughs. Lips I’d kissed seemingly a lifetime ago. 

“Izzy,” I heard Michelle’s voice say. “Look who’s here.”

I was afraid that if I looked away that he would disappear, so I continued to stare at him.  

“You came back.”

He nodded and grinned, only one side of his mouth lifting. It was my favorite thing. 

“I did.” 

He took a step towards me and then stopped, as if waiting to see what I would do. I closed the gap between us, not stopping until I was directly in front of him. 

I reached a hand out, terrified that I would touch only air. When my fingers felt skin, I breathed a sigh of relief. 

He was really here. 

I know I should immediately lower my hand, that he may not even welcome my touch. But I couldn’t. I looked for signs of displeasure on his face and found none. Instead he took my hand, his fingers squeezing mine reassuringly. 

“Can we talk somewhere?” 

His voice was gentle, the way it had always been with me. The memory was so poignant, it made my heart ache. 

“I love you.”

The words came out before I could even stop them, and even I was shocked by my sudden admission. I heard someone clear their throat. 

“Oh boy,” Michelle said, sounding like she was on the verge of laughing, “I thought it’d come out smoother than that. You are really out of practice.”

My gaze flew to her face, panicked, and it was only then that I noticed that we had an audience. Behind her, Pablo, Stell, Josh, and Justin stood, all smiling at me. I thought I might have even heard someone chuckling. 

I watched as Michelle ushered all four of them towards one of the tables before coming back to me to hand me my purse and a paper bag.

“So, Isa,” Felip said after Michelle returned to the table, his hands in his pockets, his eyes unreadable, “I’ll take what you just said as a yes.”

Without waiting for an answer, he took my hand and started walking towards the door. 

“Don’t worry about us!” A voice called out behind us. “We’ll talk to you later?” I heard another voice ask before an answer came straight after, accompanied by a laugh. “We won’t see him ‘til morning.”

---

Ken

The sky was clear, as it had been the last night I saw her. It made the wind bitingly cold, not that I would notice, with her hand still in mine, currently in the pocket of my jacket. 

“Where would you like to go?” I asked Isa once we were outside. 

She raised her brows. “You don’t know where you are?”

I shook my head. 

“We’re right by Pier 17,  at the other side of the square with the cobblestone steps.”

“The cobblestone steps where we…” My voice trailed off as the memories came back. Those steps were where we danced, where we kissed, and where I fell in love. 

“Where we danced and kissed? Yep, the same ones.” Isa finished my sentence without any hesitation, and I was struck once again at how much more open she was, and wondered how she could look like the same woman I left behind but be different, too. “Since we’re so close to my house, how about we go there?”

I nodded my head in agreement, and we started to walk in the same direction that we had taken the first night we met. 

Isa had put on a large puffer coat and a beanie on her head, the pompom on top of it bouncing adorably as she walked. For someone who I had always known to walk too damn fast, she was now certainly taking her time, her gait in measured steps. 

I kept looking over at her as we walked, wanting to ask the questions that have been burning in my mind since the last time we saw each other, but not knowing where to begin. 

“When did you fly in?” Isa asked softly. 

“Ah… just a few hours ago.” 

“I didn’t realize you had a performance coming up in New York City,” she continued, her gaze staying focused on the road ahead. “Miche is usually pretty good at letting me know these things.” She grinned as she glanced my way. “She’s become an A’Tin and thinks it’s her personal responsibility to keep me updated on your upcoming events.”

“I… we don’t have a performance coming up,” I admitted. 

“You don’t?” I shook my head. “So why are you here?”

“Uhmm… Michelle sent us an invitation to see you sing.” I admitted, and her eyes widened in surprise.

“She did?” She looked away. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know.”

“It’s okay.” I chuckled. “Neither did I.” When she looked at me in disbelief, I sighed. “My members brought me here because they thought I should see you but didn’t want to tell me the truth in case I said no.”

Her smile disappeared. “It seems I owe them a lot.”

“They said you came to the Philippines.”

“I did.”

“They said you came for me.”

A beat passed before she replied. 

“I did.”

“Just so you know, I didn’t see your text until just a little while ago.” She stopped walking and turned to look at me. “I had broken my phone that night.”

“And here I thought you just didn’t want to talk to me,” she said. “Not that I would blame you.”

“You sounded great up there,” I said with a small smile. 

“Thank you.”

“Looks like you mustered up the courage to perform, huh?”

She looked at me directly. “I’ve mustered up the courage to do lots of things.”

I hesitated for a moment before I spoke again. “Everything you said on the stage tonight, were they for me?”

“Who else would they be for?”

I broke my gaze away and looked at my shoes. “Did you mean what you said?”

“You know I never say anything I don’t mean,” she answered quietly, “but that means nothing if you don’t feel the same anymore. And that’s okay. You don’t have to feel pressured or anything.”

Her words reminded me of what I told her after I confessed to liking her, but rather than the memory bringing up pain, all it elicited was warm fondness. 

“And then what?” I asked. “You’d give up?”

“No,” she replied, her voice emphatic. “I guess then…I think maybe… I might have to… court you?” She grimaced as if she was in pain at first, then her eyes took on a determined expression. “It’s fine if I have to do it. You offered to do it for me, so I guess I should repay the favor.”

We arrived at her house, the white door greeting me as if I was an old friend. Much like she did that first night, she inserted her key before she turned around. 

---

Isabelle

I had just turned around to ask if he wanted to come in when I heard his voice. 

“Are you not going to ask me if I still feel the same?”

I know I probably should, that assumption was a dangerous choice. But our time apart had taught me that certainty was never what I needed. Intention was. Still, I thought about his question, even when I already knew my answer. 

“No,” I answered, my tone determined. “You fell in love with me once before, I’m sure you can do it again. I can just keep seeing you until you do. No matter how long it takes.” 

I tried to sound confident, although I still felt the tiniest flash of uncertainty. I am still a work in progress, but I’ll work on that too. I gave him a shaky smile before opening the door. 

“Do you want to come in?” I asked. 

“You mean I don’t have to pretend that I want a home-cooked meal?” 

“Not this time.” I shook my head vehemently. “You won’t have to pretend anything with me ever again.”

I crossed the threshold, and he followed me in. He wrapped his arms around me from behind as soon as the door closed. I felt his warmth and his strength and was beset with the feeling of coming home. I sagged against him, all the pain and worry of the past few months melting away. 

My eyes filled with tears before I could even stop them and I sniffled, embarrassed. Why are all my feelings now coming out of my eyeballs? First, at my performance, and now this. This must be what I get for holding everything in all these years. I was chiding myself internally for the ridiculousness of it all when I heard Felip’s voice. 

“My feelings haven’t changed,” he said softly, “I promised you once that if they do or I change my mind that you’d be the first to know. I always keep my promises.”

“It’s been a very long time for me,” I admitted, “I don’t want either of us to get hurt, but I’m willing to try. Because it’s you.”

“It’s been a lifetime for me,” he reassured me, turning me around to face him. “We’ll figure it out together.”

“So, what now? I feel like we have so much to talk about still, and then you’ll have to leave again. I haven’t even apologized to you yet. I haven’t had the chance to explain. I just want to make sure…”

“Eyyy,” he said, his tone light. “Don’t worry. We have all the time in the world to figure it out. We’ll take it slow this time, and we will be fine. Don’t you know by now? There’s nothing that can stop me once I put my mind to something.”

His eyes traveled all over my face, as if he was memorizing my features. He was looking at me with the same concentration and intensity he always has on stage. The same one I saw right before he kissed me many moons ago. 

I took a step closer to him and smoothed a finger over his brow. 

“And what, exactly, are you putting your mind to right now?” I asked. 

It only took half a second before I was in his arms, his lips pressed against mine, my arms wrapping instinctively around his neck. His scent surrounded me, familiar and unfamiliar all at once. His hand cradled my head as our tongues met and mated, our breaths mingling. 

Our separation lent an urgency to our reconciliation, and while our first kiss had been tender, this kiss was not. 

I found myself tugging off his coat impatiently, my heartbeat racing inside my chest. He pressed me against the wall as our bodies connected, his mouth fused with mine, so close and still not close enough. I could feel his hands roam from my ribcage to my waist and moaned with relief when I felt his fingers on my skin. 

His lips pressed kisses over my collarbone, the hand on my waist lingering over the curve. I felt his warm breath over the crook of my neck as he suckled and kissed. His hair felt thick in my hands, longer than it’s ever been. He moaned when I licked his earlobe and growled when I gave it a nip. My lips were reclaimed before I even took my next breath. 

And then the kiss was over just as quickly as it started. We pulled apart as he took a step back, his breathing labored, looking at me with barely repressed emotion. His hoodie was halfway lifted, one arm already out, and I looked over to see his coat on the floor, the pompom cap I was wearing right next to it. I glanced down at my sweater to see it bunched at my waist. 

He had both his hands out in front of him as if he was telling me to stay away. I touched my lips and raised my brows. Our eyes met, and we burst out laughing.

“I’m sorry,” he said, though he didn’t sound sorry at all.

“There’s nothing to feel sorry about.”

“It’s just,” he shook his head, “I just gave you a whole speech about taking our time.”

“I’m pretty sure our time apart counts as taking our time.”

He grinned and took a step towards me. 

“Easy now,” he teased and placed a kiss on the tip of my nose. “I’m serious, Isa. This time we’ll do it right.”

I blinked at him. “What we were doing just now felt right to me.”

“I love you,” he suddenly said, his voice thick with emotion. “I never stopped. I tried to forget you, and I couldn’t do it. This isn’t some fleeting infatuation. I need you to know that.”

“Okay.”

“I wish there was another way to say it, the phrase seems nowhere near enough to describe how I feel. But I’ve never been good with words.”

“Oh, I think you’re doing just fine.”

“It’s not going to be easy.”

“Okay.”

“There might be days when you’ll want to give up.”

“Okay.”

“I promise I’ll make sure you know how much I love you every single day. Together or apart, you’ll never have to doubt it.”

“You know I’m not into promises,” I said, reminding me of the last time he was here. It seems he was thinking about the same thing as well, as he waited for me to speak, his eyes guarded. “But let me be the one to make you one this time.”

He looked at me, surprise written all over his features. 

“I will love you.” I wrapped my arms around his waist. “I love you, Felip. I’m sorry it took me so long to say it.”

I looked at the clock behind him and smiled. 

“It’s after midnight,” I said, lifting myself off my feet and pressing a soft kiss on his lips. “Happy birthday.”

He grinned broadly. “I think this is the best birthday I’ve ever had.”

“It hasn’t even started.”

I placed my hand over his chest to feel his heartbeat and closed my eyes. And then remembered something. 

“Oh, I forgot,” I said, pulling a cupcake out of the bag I was carrying along with a candle and some matches. “I got this from the pastry shop we went to before.”

“You didn’t even know I was going to be here, and you were going to light a candle for my birthday?”

I smiled. “Just because I couldn’t be with you doesn’t mean I can’t celebrate you.”

I placed the candle into the cupcake and lit it, singing the birthday song as I presented it to him. When I finished, he blew the candle out. 

“Did you make a wish?” I asked.

“No,” he answered, his eyes brimming with love. “I didn’t need to. My wish has already come true.”

. 

Isabelle

“So, Isa,” I heard him say, as I took my first bite of the stew with some rice. “Remember I said that I came here to talk to you about something?”

“Uh-hmmm.”

What is it about fish sauce that just lifts this whole dish?

“Well, I really came here to tell you something very important.”

“K.” This pork belly is amazing.

“I think that you should know.” He was speaking so softly that I could barely hear him, and this is just so delicious. “That I will be courting you.”

His words registered as I was sipping on the broth and in my shock, I forgot to breathe and started choking. He grabbed a bottled water from the fridge, uncapping it before handing it to me and patting my back.

“Are you okay?” He sounded so worried it might have amused me any other time. But not right now.

“I’m fine,” I said, shooing his hand away. “But what did you say?”

“I’m going to court you,” he answered.

He was back in his seat, the expression on his face decisive.

“That’s not… it’s not…” I stammered and tried to find my words, “I don’t even know what you mean by that.”

He took a bite from his plate. “It means that I will do whatever I need to do to get to know you better and let you get to know me better.”

“But that word.”

“I know,” he admitted, “it’s kind of serious. But I am serious. I know we did things a little out of order, but I wanted to rectify that and let you know my intentions towards you are pure.”

“You don’t even live here.”

“I don’t think that matters,” he countered. “It’s not like I live in a place without wi-fi. And I travel quite often, so I just have to make time, somehow.”

I put my utensils down. “I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

“Why not?”

“Why?” I asked, baffled.

“Why what?”

“Why everything? Why now? Why me?”

His jaw was tense, his mouth set in a determined line. “Because now’s as good as any time. And you because it’s you.”

“You can’t.”

I tried to make my voice sound emphatic, but the words came out weakly. The pounding on my head returned, and I realized I must be more tired than I thought. Certainly too tired to be dealing with this right now.

“Of course I can,” he said. “Isa, I’m not asking for permission.”

“So what are you doing?” Why did he even tell me that if he didn’t need my consent?

“I’m declaring my intentions.”

“But why?”

He sighed. “I told you already. Because I like you. And you know what? I think you like me, too. I don’t know why you’re resisting this, but there’s two things you need to know about me: I can work, and I can wait. I have no problem waiting for you and working for your heart, Isa. All I need from you is a chance.”

The words he was saying, in the way he was saying them, rang true.

Somewhere inside me, my resistance crumbled.

---

Ken

“There’s two things you need to know about me: I can work, and I can wait. I have no problem waiting for you and working for your heart, Isa. All I need from you is a chance.”

I waited with a bated breath for any indication of what she would say, of how she’s feeling right now.

“I don’t know if I can trust you,” she said, “but it’s nothing personal. I don’t know if I can trust anyone.”

“You can trust me.”

And she could. I haven’t once lied to her since we met.

“I’m not even sure if I can trust this. Desire is fleeting. People are fickle.”

“I’m not.”

I may have changed a lot over the years, but I’ve tried to stay true to who I am and succeeded, for the most part.

“Okay.”

It took a few beats for her answer to register.

“Okay?” Did she just agree?

“I said it’s fine,” she said, although she looked a little out of sorts. “But please don’t use that word again. All I’m agreeing to is getting to know one another, okay?”

I nodded.

“Also, I’m not one to ask for promises,” she continued, “but please promise me that if your feelings change, if you change your mind, that I’d be the first to know.”

I got up out of my chair and approached her, sitting on my knees to meet her eyes.

“I promise.”

---

A few minutes later, we stood side by side at the sink, my hands under bubbles and hers holding a dish towel, waiting for me to pass the plates. She had insisted on washing the dishes herself, saying that I already did all the cooking, but I politely refused. While I’m a man who believes in equality, I was also the one who offered to cook. I had also planned on cleaning up after myself.

Besides, any opportunity to stand close to her under a semblance of normalcy is one I will always take.

“So,” I said, rinsing a dish and handing it to her, “Did you speak to your mom already?”

Her eyes widened slightly. “I’m surprised you remembered. And yes. I spoke to her before my shower.”

“Of course, I do. I remember everything about you. How was your day?”

“It was okay,” she replied, “long. I don’t mind training days, but I’ve been on my feet most of the day.” She looked at me. “How was your day?”

Somehow, I can imagine us doing this day by day, talking about normal things that regular couples talk about. Doing domesticated tasks together. A feeling very close to peace came over me.

“It was good,” I said. “Me and my members did a little shopping earlier. It was so hard to find a Filipino store, though.”

She chuckled. “Yeah, you either have to go over the bridge or the other side of town. But you did good. Dinner was delicious.”

“I’m glad you liked it,” I said, finishing with the utensils before rinsing and drying the sink. “If you tell me what you like to eat, I’ll learn how to make it for you. I’m not super talented at cooking, but air fryers are my jam.”

I was drying my hands when her arms snaked around my waist, her head resting on my chest. I wrapped my arms around her shoulders and let myself enjoy this voluntary show of affection. The first one. Or, maybe not, remembering how she scooted closer to me as we watched the sunset yesterday.

“Thank you,” she murmured.

We stayed that way for a few minutes, holding on to not just each other, but this moment. The feeling of having her in my arms willingly, her acceptance of me finally manifesting in a tangible way, made me happier than I can remember being in a long time.

I sent a silent prayer of gratitude to the universe for bringing her into my life. And to Pablo, who, apparently, was right. Maybe this courtship thing does have some merit.

---

Isabelle

This unspoken thing between us finally out in the open, I watched as Felip strolled around my living room comfortably, perusing the frames that sat by my fireplace. I was sitting in front of the cabinet, looking at the DVDs I had, with us having just agreed to watch a movie just mere minutes before.

“Is this you when you were a kid?” He asked, pointing to a picture of a little girl in front of a birthday cake, only two front teeth and two lower teeth showing in a grin.

I got up from the floor and approached him, nodding. “Yes. That was my first birthday.”

“You were a cutie,” he teased, a smile on his face. “Not much has changed. You still look the same.”

“But with more teeth, thankfully.”

Felip laughed good-naturedly. It hit me that this might possibly be the very first time since we met that we’ve just been able to relax and interact with each other without any suspicion. Or maybe that was just on my side. He seems to have always been this way.

“This is my sister and me.” I pointed at the picture next to the one he had just been referring to. “When she was in high school, and I was already working as a nurse.”

“You two look alike.”

“We’ve been told that before. This, right here,” I said, pointing at a bigger picture, “is my niece. Her name’s Lucia.”

“She’s also cute.”

“She’s perfect. Sassy and smart. She’s so funny.”

“Like you, then.”

I nudged him with my arm and smiled at my niece’s image.

“One time I visited her after a long time after the quarantine, and she didn’t recognize me. I guess I got too close for her liking, and she started yelling, ‘too close, too close,’ and then I backed off, and she started yelling ‘too far, too far.'”

“So exactly like you, then.”

“You’re funny,”

“I am that.”

He nodded as I walked off back to what I was doing.

“Is this your mom?”

There was a framed picture of my mother when she graduated nursing school, its sepia tone belying its age.

“That’s my mama.”

“Your dad?” He asked, referring to the biggest picture of all. A picture of my father on my sister’s wedding day.

“Yes.”

“You have a nice family,” he commented.

“How about you?” I asked, pausing what I was doing to look at him. “Will you tell me about your family?”

---

Ken

She had brought a bunch of DVDs on the table after pushing some of the books aside. She sat down and patted the spot on the couch next to her. I sat down after her unexpected request, not used to sharing details about my life in such an intimate setting.

Though it often feels like my life is an open book nowadays, what with me answering much of the same questions with the interviews my group gives, this is the first time in a long time that I’m talking about myself to someone specific. To someone who mattered.

“You already know I was born in the province and that my grandparents raised me,” I told her. “My grandmother was the only person I told when I was accepted into my agency and when I decided to pursue that career.”

“Why just your grandmother?”

I shrugged. “I knew my parents wouldn’t necessarily approve. I mean, there’s no real security in the path I’ve chosen. People may even say that it’s a huge gamble.”

She was listening intently, her eyes open and attentive.

“We didn’t have a lot of money growing up,” I continued. “My father was a pastor, and he and my mother really valued education.”

“Understandable,” she remarked, “I think my parents would have had a heart attack if I had chosen to be something else not so stable.”

“I have an older sister, so maybe that softened the blow a little when they realized I wasn’t going to change my mind.”

Thinking back on those times brought on a bittersweet feeling inside my chest. So many things have happened since. My family has always been supportive. It’s meant a lot to me.

I saw a little wince on her face, her eyes squinting with the discomfort.

“What’s the matter?”

“It’s nothing,” she answered. “I’ve had a headache since I got home. I took some medication, but it hasn’t helped. Maybe I need to…”

She pulled a rubber band out of her bun, her thick hair falling down her back. She started taking out bobby pins as well, clearly struggling with one in the back.

“Turn around,” I said.

“What? Why?”

I gently turned her to face the other way before shifting the heavy weight of her hair to one side as I dug for the missing pin. I managed to find it and pull it out, my fingers hovering over the delicate nape of her neck.

Don’t do it. Don’t do it. I silently ordered myself, even as I leaned in closer to take a whiff of her hair. The smell of eucalyptus and mint greeted me, tickling my nose.

“Felip?” She asked, her voice husky. “Did you still want to watch that movie?”

I reluctantly pulled away, well aware that now that my intentions are out in the open, that we can take our time. It was both a blessing and a curse.

“Sure,” I answered, sifting through the tower of movies she brought until I saw one that I liked. “Let’s watch this.”

It was about a quarter of the way through the movie when I heard a soft snore next to me, and I realized that she had fallen asleep on my shoulder. Her hand was still in mine, our fingers still interlocked.

I gazed at her then to my heart’s content, noting the rise and fall of her chest with her breathing. Her hair was still loose, tendrils clinging to my shoulder. In sleep, she looks nothing like herself, all fire and logic melted away.

She was a beauty, even asleep. And soon, maybe, I’ll get to call her mine.

I gingerly stood up, being careful not to wake her. I laid her down on her side, her head propped by a pillow, before covering her with a throw. I turned the television off before turning one of the lamps on. I checked the kitchen to make sure everything was turned off.

Finding a piece of paper and a pen, I jotted a quick note before putting it on top of the coffee table, under her phone. I pressed a tender kiss to her forehead and walked out the door.

---

Isabelle

“He said what?” Michelle asked while we were stopped at a stoplight on our way to her apartment.

She had just picked me up from the airport, and we were stopping at her place so I can freshen up and change before heading out to lunch and the concert.

“He says he’s courting me,” I answered distractedly, searching my emails for the one she sent with my digital ticket. “You did send me the ticket, didn’t you?”

“Yes, but say that again?”

The light turned green.

“He said he’s courting me.”

“How did you respond?” My best friend’s tone was genuinely curious.

“Of course, I said he can’t. I mean how ridiculous, right?!?!”

She huffed. “It’s not ridiculous. Just surprising. It shouldn’t have been though. I mean you said he’s Filipino, right?” I nodded. “Is that how Filipinos date?”

“I don’t know,” I answered. “It’s the first time I’m dating a fellow Filipino.”

It took a second for her to process my response. “What did you say?”

“I said, it’s the first time…”

Michelle suddenly pressed on the brakes. “You said yes!”

“I didn’t say no.”

She threw her arms around me, holding me tightly. “I’m so proud of you, Izz.” I tried to pull away, but she wouldn’t let me. “I know how hard it’s been for you, how you’ve pretty much closed yourself off since you and James broke up.”

I couldn’t deny it. It has truly been a self-imposed sentence. And a lonely one, I had to admit to myself.

“Hold on. So, he made you a nice dinner, said that he was going to court you, and just left?”

“Well, no, we watched a movie, kind of.”

“What does that mean, ‘kind of?'”

“I fell asleep.”

“You what?”

“I fell asleep. I was tired!”

Michelle maneuvered her car into a parking space in front of her apartment building, putting it in brake. “He must be a keeper.”

“What do you mean?

“I’ve slept in the same room as you,” she joked. “If the guy still likes you after he heard you snore, then he’s alright with me.”

“Hey.”

“I’m just saying. Did he at least send you a text when he left?”

“He did something even better,” I said, pulling the piece of paper with his handwriting on it from my wallet.

She grabbed it and read the message out loud. “You looked so peaceful sleeping; I didn’t want to wake you. Call me when you wake up. F.” She turned to me. “He even gave you his number, so you can decide what to do next. I like this guy.”

“So do I,” I admitted ruefully. “He’s just so straightforward and honest, I couldn’t not like him. I’ve never met anyone so comfortable with his truth, if you know what I mean.”

“I do, strangely enough. People are so busy pretending to be someone they’re not, you don’t really know who you’re dealing with until it’s too late. Have you heard from him since?”

“Yes,” I said just as another text message from Felip came through, and I smiled.

---

Ken

“Everybody ready?” Pablo asked as the van parked into a spot outside the House of Blues. “Let’s go.”

“You guys,” I heard Josh say next to me, “let’s not suck tonight.”

Stell and Justin laughed, our collective excitement evident. Our staff had already gotten out of their vehicles with our wardrobe and accessories. I was only able to send a quick text to Isa before I exited our van, telling her I’ll see her soon.

I had to take a minute before I stepped out, trying not to think about my impending flight out. I already told my members that I’ll be catching a later flight out tomorrow, hoping to see Isa one more time before I go. Maybe she would even accompany me to the airport.

The thought brightened me up a little, and I fixed the beanie on my head as I started walking towards the venue. As I approached, I saw some familiar faces in the queue of people lining up. I can’t believe some of our dedicated fans made their way to Boston to support us.

I’m grateful. I know we could always count on them to have our backs, just as they have done since we started. There’s even more of them now, something else we are all thankful for, and I hope that it’s a good indicator for our futures.

Behind me, walked Stell, then Josh, Pablo, and Jah. I fought the jitter of nerves, the familiar feeling of apprehension. Tonight was a big night for us. And just like Josh said so succinctly, it was important that we do not suck.

I said hello to our fans before I followed our staff into the venue. I fought the urge to call Isa to hear her voice as we got ready with our stylists. I fought the urge to text her some of the pictures we had taken as we waited for the show to start. I wondered what she was doing and had to shake my head.

Now is not the time to be distracted. There will be plenty of time to think about her, to talk to her, to be with her, after this is over. Except, maybe not from a couple of states away.

Finally ready, my group stood at the side of the stage as the second opening act was finishing up. As he always did, Pablo led us into a huddle and a prayer, and just like always, it comforted me and brought me strength.

I emptied my mind to get ready to perform, but not before I allowed myself to think of Isa one more time- her voice, her smile- and allowed that memory to warm me up, knowing she’d be waiting for me to return.

---

Isabelle

By the time we got to the venue, there was a line of concert goers going around the block. Miche and I waited for our turn to enter, unable to see what was at the front of the queue.

“SB19 is a Filipino boy band formed in 2016 by ShowBT Philippines,” my best friend read from her phone. “The group is composed of Pablo, Stell, Ken, Justin, and Josh. Okay, they have five members.”

I was barely paying her any attention; I was too busy watching some fans in front of me as they strained their necks to see who’s arrived. There was a woman behind me who had a strange looking flashlight sticking out of her bag.

“Excuse me,” I said to her, pointing at it. “What’s that?”

“Oh, this?” She said, smiling. “It’s the light stick for SB19. They’re guest performers here tonight.”

“Wow,” Miche remarked. “I didn’t realize they were that big.”

The woman we are speaking to nodded enthusiastically. “Yes. They just finished their second world tour and had done tv guesting and busking events in New York City and LA.”

“New York City?” My best friend repeated. “Did you hear about that, Izzy?”

“No, I didn’t.”

“Are you Filipina?” The woman asked, and I nodded with a small smile.

“But I haven’t listened to new Filipino music for a long time.”

She tapped my arm. “You’re in for a treat. They’re amazing.”

Our conversation ended as the line started moving. Before I knew it, I had a bracelet on my arm, and we were all packed into the standing room area in the venue. Miche and I weren’t at the front, but we weren’t at the back, either. We were to the right of the stage, about a third of the way down. It had the perfect view.

I excused myself to go to the bathroom while we waited for the main performances to begin. There was a long line at the ladies’ room, and by the time I reached Michelle’s side, the room was even more packed than when I left it, and the second opening act was already in full swing.

I had just taken my phone out of my pocket when the venue went dark, and an image was projected on stage. It was a black background, with what looked like yellow ribbons overlaid over it, like the ones used with ‘Warning’ written on them, except this one said ‘Pagtatag!’, which I knew meant strengthening in Filipino.

Ah, I thought, SB19 must be coming on next.

I heard the fans cheer as the five members entered the stage, and soon enough, the opening beats of their first song began. It wasn’t long before I started enjoying their performance, amazed that there was a Filipino song being performed on a mainstream American stage, with nary a translation in sight. Their first song was unlike any other Filipino song I’ve ever heard, and I finally understood the hype. The choreography was perfectly synchronized, and their voices sounded unbelievable live.

“Ken!” I heard one fan scream as I heard a familiar voice, except it wasn’t familiar at all.

I looked at the stage to see Felip, taking center stage, as he took his solo. He looked like the man I’ve been spending time with, his blonde hair slicked back on one side, but also didn’t seem like him at all.

The man who slow danced with me, the man who cooked in my kitchen, the man who shyly kissed me, was nothing like this man currently performing, brimming with confidence and swagger.

I felt my heart drop and then harden.

In a few minutes I would learn that his name wasn’t Felip. It was Ken, as he introduced himself to the audience, to cheers and adoration.

I felt myself stiffen as I realized that he had been lying to me this whole time. How many opportunities did he have to tell me that this was who he is? Or even tell me his real name?

Too many times. Too many chances, and he had taken none of them.

My thoughts raced with memories I shared with the person I thought I knew. The person who promised me that he wouldn’t lie. The one who declared his intentions, as if he was in a position to do so.

I spent their next three performances in dazed silence, unable to understand why I had been so quick to believe him. Why I wanted so badly to believe him. To believe in him.

If Michelle noticed, she didn’t say anything. I was relieved when the group left the stage, and I felt like I could breathe again.

At least, until the end of the concert, during the last song, when I saw him come back onstage, looking very much like how he looked the first time we met. Wearing a hoodie and sweatpants, his hair covered. Sometime during this performance, he had looked out into the crowd and met my eyes. Shock came over his face for a few seconds as recognition dawned, but he recovered quickly.

There had only been a shadow of the man I knew, and then he was gone.

This brought on an unnamed emotion, and it was more than I could bear. I ran to the bathroom before Michelle realized.

I splashed some water on my face and noted my dejected expression in the mirror in front of me. This was my fault. I trusted too quickly.

They say if something seems too good to be true, then it probably is. I had allowed this to happen. This was on me. I am the one who needs to do something about this.

When I came out of the bathroom, I was relatively composed, determined to forget all about Felip, Ken, whoever he is. I had already deleted his number from my phone and turned it off.

Miche saw me through the throng of people making their way out of the concert hall and grabbed my arm.

“Where did you go?”

“I had to go to the bathroom,” I explained, hoping that my voice didn’t betray me.

“That last song was so good,” she said, clearly still high with adrenaline from the concert, “you’ll have to tell me what they were singing since I couldn’t understand, but they were awesome singing with JVKE. I almost wish that it had been their concert, too. You know what I mean?”

We exited the venue, one of her arms wrapped around mine, while she continued to rave about the concert. I said nothing and just listened, suddenly exhausted.

“Isa!” A familiar voice called out in the crowd as we started walking towards the direction of her apartment. “Isa!”

Although I didn’t want to see him, I couldn’t help myself from looking back, if for no other reason than to see the face of the man I thought I knew one last time. I steeled my eyes as our gazes collided, before turning and walking away.

---

Ken

“Isa!” I ran out of the venue to catch her before she left, only the top of her head visible to me. “Isa!”

Her head turned around, and our eyes met. Her gaze unreadable, she turned without acknowledging me and started walking away.

Jah and Josh came out and went straight into our van. Stell took one look at me and frowned.

“What’s the matter?” he asked.

I pulled him aside and said, my voice slightly frantic, “I think Isa is here.”

“Isa? Who’s Isa?” He looked puzzled before understanding came over his face. “Is Isa the woman…”

Pablo led him to the van before he could ask any more questions and then took me aside.

“She’s here?”

I nodded, panicked. “Can you…” I craned my neck to keep her in my line of vision. “Can you hold off the van…”

“I got it,” he said, nodding. “Go.”

“Thanks.”

I rushed past the throng of people still outside the venue, some of whom were trying to speak to me. I was mumbling apologies as I snaked my way through them, muttering thanks along the way.

I know how important this was, how I probably should have been more gracious, but it didn’t matter. I needed to talk to her.

What was she even doing here? It never occurred to me that she would be here.

“Isa,” I stopped running when I caught up to her and her companion, my hands on my knees to try to catch my breath. “Isa.”

It was her friend who turned first, a pretty woman with curly hair and big brown eyes. She lifted her eyes in awareness and then in confusion, as her gaze traveled from me to Isa, who hadn’t turned around. Her eyes narrowed at me, a line forming between her brows, before she placed a hand on Isa’s back protectively.

I gave her my most apologetic look as she stood there, looking at me for a few beats as if trying to figure me out. And then her face softened, her expression full of sympathy. She whispered something to Isa and mouthed ‘good luck’ to me as she walked away.

I took a deep breath. “Isa.”

She turned around slowly, but her eyes remained downcast. Her mouth was set in a stern line.

“Isa…”

She finally lifted her head. “Was it fun?” she asked, her eyes impassive. “Was it fun making a fool out of me?”

“I didn’t make a fool out of you.”

Her head shook from side to side. “You did.”

“I didn’t,” I insisted, reaching for her arm. She jerked it away before I could touch her.

“You lied to me.”

“I didn’t lie. I meant every word I said. I told you the truth.”

“You couldn’t even tell me your name!”

I made the mistake of looking in her eyes and was taken aback by the look of abject betrayal that I saw. There was pain there, too, and it took all I had not to drop to my knees and ask for forgiveness, right then and there.

“I did tell you my name,” I explained quietly. “My real name. My real name is Felip. Ken is a stage name.” She let out a huff of disbelief. “It was the only thing I hid.”

“That and the fact that you’re famous. I heard all the fans chanting your name,” she answered. “How novel it must have been, spending time with someone who had no idea. It must have been wonderful.”

“It was wonderful,” I protested. “Why does any of this even matter? Isa, please. Don’t let this one thing undermine everything that we’ve shared. You may not believe me, but that was the first time in a long time that I felt like I was myself, that I felt like I knew myself.”

“I’m glad one of us did, because I just realized I don’t know you at all. Are you Felip or Ken?”

---

Isabelle

The feeling of betrayal was so palpable I could almost taste it.

“I’m glad one of us did, because I just realized I don’t know you at all. Are you Felip or Ken?”

“I’m both,” he answered, his voice breaking. “Can’t I be both? Why do I have to make a choice? Do you know why I didn’t tell you? Why I couldn’t tell you? Because I wanted you to know me. Behind all this. Beyond all this. Despite all this. I wanted you to just see me for me. I wanted you to like me for me. Not some image onstage. Not a picture on posters. Just me.”

“That wasn’t your choice to make,” I said, my tone flat. “You hid the truth because you didn’t want the possible consequences of that truth, and in doing so, you took away my choice.”

“I couldn’t risk you not taking a chance on me.”

“Why?”

“Do you really not know?” he asked, imploring. “That I’ve fallen in love with you?”

“That’s rich. You can’t possibly…”

“I can’t possibly love you?” His eyes bore into mine, filled with pain and frustration. “You think I don’t know how ridiculous this is? I know.” He pointed at himself. “I know. Do you think I want to feel this way for someone I know I would have to be away from? It’s only been a couple of days since I saw you, and I already missed you so much that it was driving me crazy.”

“You’ll get over it.”

There was an angry tic on his right jaw, his eyes narrowing even more.

“You obviously don’t know me.”

“That’s exactly my point,” I replied. “It’s only been four days.”

“So what?” His tone was insistent. “Time is relative.”

“Maybe for you.”

“It doesn’t change how I feel or make it any less real.”

I scoffed. “If someone’s feelings can change after seven years, what do you think four days is going to do?”

“I’m not him.”

A few seconds passed without either one of us saying a word, stuck in an impasse. His eyes were shadowed, and I could only simmer in my anger, somehow knowing that neither one of us will come out the victor.

“It doesn’t matter anyway,” I said. “It’ll never work.”

“At least I was willing to try.” His voice cut like steel.

“What do you mean?”

“I may not have told you everything, but I’m not the only one who was hiding, Isa. For everything else, for everyone else, I could practically read you like a book, your emotions were always in full display. But when it comes to me, to this, to us, you show me nothing.”

“There is barely an us.”

He winced as if I’d slapped him. Even I felt the pain in my gut.

“You asked me for promises and conditions, and I’ve agreed to every single one of them. Doesn’t that mean anything at all?”

“No, not when I don’t know you. Right now, I’m new and shiny, a semblance of normalcy in your extraordinary life,” I said, my voice stony. “But sooner or later, that won’t be enough. My normal life will only interest you for so long. Then you’ll realize I’m nothing special.”

“Isa, I won’t hurt you.”

“You already did,” I said softly. “You may not have meant to, but you have. Let’s face it, we’re from different worlds. There is no future here.”

His gaze hardened, voice lowering. “Do you mean that?”

The air between us became deathly still.

“I never say anything I don’t mean.”

“So, that’s it?” he asked quietly. “You’re giving up before we even start?”

“I’m giving up before anyone really gets hurt,” I answered, my tone final. “Goodbye, Felip.”

Ken

“Thank you for such an amazing time,” I told her, meaning every word. 

I tried to keep my face from grinning like a fool. I can still feel the kiss we just shared, and it suffused me with so much giddiness I feel like skipping like a kid.

I wanted to ask if she would give me her number, hoping with everything I had that she would say yes. I wanted to tell her that I’d like to see her again tomorrow, that I wanted to spend as much time as I could spare with her. 

One look on her face, however, and I was silenced, unsure for the first time tonight as to what I should do. 

She was already pulling away, and I wasn’t quite sure why. 

I know there was still so much to learn about her, and I was willing to spend the time to do that. I also know that asking her to consider me was no small thing; long distance relationships are difficult, I know that. 

But I also know that a connection like this is rare. I know I’ve never felt it before. 

I’m not a man who makes decisions lightly, not in life, and not in love. 

Love? I frowned. Had I fallen in love already? I blew out a breath, all at once exhilarated and scared. 

In front of me, Isa was quiet, her normally expressive eyes completely expressionless. Though her face appeared relaxed, the stiffness in her shoulders told me that she was anything but. She seemed nothing like the woman I had just been kissing a few minutes before.

Her transformation prickled at me.

It was as if she had already written me off before our story even had a chance to begin. 

All my life I’ve worked hard for everything that I have. I would have never gotten to where I am if I hadn’t persevered and kept pushing. Even when the detractors said our group would never amount to anything, we kept going. Even when there were people who doubted that my solo career would take off, I pushed ahead. Even when untruths were thrown out to destroy my image and reputation, I held on. 

I can do that in this too. If she thinks she can just get rid of me and relegate me to being just a memory, then she has another thing coming. 

---

Isabelle

His jaw jutted out in a stubborn tilt, his teeth clenched determinedly. He was deep in thought, a frown etched on his handsome face. 

“Felip,” I said, and he met my gaze. There was the flash of temper again, simmering in his eyes. Except this time, it wasn’t just a flash. It was too intense to describe it as just that. “It’s been a long day, and I have to have an early start tomorrow. I still have to get my clothes ready and…” 

“Okay,” he said, interrupting me. “I got it.” 

His voice was low, his tone flat. There was no hint of whatever he was feeling evident in his speech, but I had the sense that he was keeping his temper in check. 

“Can I at least walk you home?”

Part of me wanted to say no. Red flags instinctively rose in my brain, knowing that with the way I was feeling, this wasn’t a good idea at all. But part of me was also relieved, grateful for more time, knowing I wouldn’t have asked. 

If this was the one and only time I would get to be with him, then this is allowed. I’ll give him up after, I promised myself. Him and the idea of him, both at the same time. 

“Sure.”

He didn’t hesitate and grabbed my hand, looking at me pointedly, like he was challenging me to pull away. When I didn’t, I felt the tension from him dissipate. I started walking, acutely aware of the awkwardness between us. 

“I would have taken you to Pier 17,” I said, when even after three blocks, he’d said nothing. “But there’s a concert there tonight.”

“It’s okay,” he answered quietly. “There’ll be other opportunities.”

Did he mean to come back to this part of the city again? Or did he mean to see me again? The questions were swirling in my head, but I didn’t dare say them out loud. 

“You would like it there,” I said instead. “The view is magnificent.”

He turned to look directly at me. “I’m perfectly happy with my view right now.” 

---

Ken

“You would like it there,” she said, her voice wistful. “The view is magnificent.”

I looked at her. “I’m perfectly happy with my view right now.” 

Though I was frustrated at the way she was hiding herself from me, part of me couldn’t blame her. We did just meet a few hours ago, after all. Still, it’s difficult knowing that she was shutting me out. 

She didn’t say anything else but continued to walk with me, making no effort to take her hand from mine. She took me a few blocks away from the square where we’d been, and then turned into a darkened street filled with brick buildings. About halfway down the street, she stopped outside a white door with the number 26 on its front, lit only by the lamp at the end of the street.

“We’re here,” she said, pulling keys out of her purse and putting one through the lock. “I guess this is goodbye.”

So I was right. She was pulling away.

As tempted as I was to call her out for it right now, there was something that stopped me. 

This wasn’t easy for her. Even as she tried to avoid my gaze, I could see the conflict in her eyes. 

“This isn’t goobye,” I said, shaking my head. I reluctantly released her and placed my hands in my pockets to keep from reaching for her again. “This is just goodnight.”

Our gazes met and for one second, I caught a glimpse of vulnerability, and my heart clenched inside my chest. 

Everything she told me as we spent time together came back in a rush. She had talked about loss. About being left behind. About someone falling out of love with her. Why did I not see it, until now?

She didn’t want to get hurt. 

So that means she feels something for me, too? The irritation I felt was instantly transformed into happiness. I could work with this. 

Before I could stop myself, I enfolded her in my arms, dropping the bag of pastries on the ground. I leaned back just far enough so I could see her face, as surprise registered and then surrender. 

Lifting a hand to the nape of her neck, I allowed my fingers to graze over her skin. 

“So soft,” I whispered, my eyes drawn to where her neck met her shoulder. 

I traced the spot with a a finger, and then with my lips. She trembled under my mouth. I lifted my head and her eyes were closed, her full lips practically begging to be kissed. Male satisfaction ran through me. She may be able to deny everything else, but she can’t deny this. She may not be letting me in completely, but she isn’t closing the door altogether. 

I pressed my lips to the corner of her mouth, allowing myself just this, telling myself to slow down and take my time. That this is a marathon, not a sprint. To give her just enough to make sure she remembers me. 

I pulled away and her eyes were still shut, her long lashes resting on top of soft cheeks. 

“Isa.” My voice broke the spell, and she opened her eyes, desire still in its pools. “You should go in.” I gave her a little nudge. “Before I forget myself.”

She blinked a couple of times then turned so quickly she almost bumped against the door. I hid a smile. She fumbled with her keys and entered her place without so much as a look in my direction. 

It’s okay, I told myself. I didn’t need it. I already accomplished my mission. 

I hope she dreams of me tonight. 

---

When I came back to the hotel, none of my group members were there. I said hello to the staff, who were doing various tasks in their rooms, gave them the bag of pastries I still carried, and made my way back to my own, snagging a bottled water from the hotel fridge.

I pulled my phone out as I took off my hoodie, not bothering to put anything over the plain white tank I wore underneath, a reminder that I definitely hadn’t been planning on doing anything when I left the hotel earlier. I took off my boots before getting on the bed and resting my back against the headboard. 

I opened my notes app and quickly typed in Isabelle’s address. I made sure to remember it as I left, knowing that this information may be handy since I didn’t have her phone number. I shook my head, amused that she didn’t offer it, and that I couldn’t find the nerve to ask. 

I let my thoughts stray back to the time we spent together, everything we did in replay. I recalled every emotion that flitted over her face and the sound of her voice. Goosebumps rose as I remembered the way she felt in my arms. 

Was it possible to already miss someone as soon you leave them? Even as I asked myself the question, I already knew my answer. 

I wish I had asked her for a picture together or at least managed to sneak one in of her, if anything. But the idea didn’t even come to my head, to be honest. I was so focused on just being present for every moment that I didn’t feel the need to take my phone out at all.

All of this is kind of insane, even for me. 

It’s hard enough to meet someone that I would like on a more than superficial basis and have that kind of chemistry. But now, it seems, I have to contend with her own will against mine, as well. 

I was still thinking this over when Pablo, Stell, Josh, and Jah came in noisily, excitement audible in their voices. I sat up on the side on the bed and greeted them with a smile. 

As soon as he spotted me, Josh came over and sat down on my bed, an arm coming over my shoulder. Pablo sat opposite on his bed, with Stell climbing on behind him and Jah pulling out the chair that was at the desk over to be right smack in between both beds. 

“So?” It was Jah who asked first, breaking out in the gummy smile that he is most known for. 

In our group he had the most female fans precisely for this reason: not only did he look innocent and good-natured, he actually was. And coupled with his good looks and creative talent, it was a bullseye. Straight into the hearts of the fans.

I grinned at him. At all of them actually. 

“Where’d you meet her? How’d you meet her? What is she like? When will you introduce us?” Stell peppered me with question after question, his expression filled with curiosity. 

“Stell,” Josh said, “you’ll need to pause, so he could actually give us an answer.” He cocked his head at me. “You know, I’m actually surprised that you met someone before me. I mean, aren’t I supposed to be the most charming one here?”

It was a running joke in the group, as we had to come up with titles that we added to our names during our introduction. Kuya always said he was the most charming, and I can’t deny that. But he really should have edited that to say the kindest as well. Without Kuya Josh, I might not even have been a part of our group. 

“I bumped into her as I was walking, which, I guess answers your first two questions,” I told Stell, who beamed at me and nodded, as if telling me to continue. “She’s… she’s funny. And feisty. A little reserved. She’s beautiful. And yes, I hope you’ll meet her at some point.”

Hell, I’m still hoping to meet her again sooner than ‘at some point,’ I thought to myself, but didn’t say it out loud. 

“Nakakakilig naman.” Stell sat, a hand to his cheek. Of all of us, he had always been the most sensitive. 

“Not that that means a whole lot,” Justin teased, “he was kilig when Naya and Onion got pregnant.”

Not that I can blame him. I felt about the same when my cat, Kuro, and Justin’s cat, Saoirse, had kittens. Naya is one of Stell’s cats and Onion is one of Pablo’s.  

“Tell us more,” this from Josh, “because I’m still not quite understanding how bumping into each other turned into a date.”

“I’m not really sure myself,” I admitted with a shrug. “I asked, and she said yes.”

“You asked her for a date.” Stell repeated. “You.” His tone was incredulous. He knew how painfully shy I am with strangers.

“Yeah,” I answered sheepishly, “I was surprised too.”

 “And she,” he continued, “said yes?”

I nodded. 

“I thought you said you’ll never date a fan?” Jah asked.

“She’s not a fan,” I said. “I don’t even think she knew who I was.”

Pablo was noticeably quiet through the whole conversation, just listening as I spoke. 

“That’s all I can say for now.”

That was true. There wasn’t anything else to share really, at least not yet. Right now I just wanted to keep every precious detail close to me. 

What was I even going to say? That I’m pretty sure she’d already written me off? That thought was a little depressing, and I frowned before I could stop myself. 

I didn’t realize Pablo had been watching me, and when I met his gaze, his brows were narrowed in concern. 

“Well,” he finally said, “JVKE’s concert was great. He sent you his regards.” 

I knew what he was doing, and I sent him a grateful look. Pablo could always read me better than most, and I’m sure he changed the topic to get the focus off me. If the rest of my group noticed, they didn’t say it out loud, and they all started talking about the concert and what an amazing experience it was. They all expressed their excitement at our upcoming performance in JVKE’s final concert as special guests in a few days in Boston, and my date was momentarily forgotten. 

A little while later, once everyone had dispersed and were in their respective rooms, Pablo was back on his bed, his trusty notebook back in his hand. I’m not lying when I say that our leader is perhaps the most hardworking person I know. He never stops. Whether it’s writing new songs, or brainstorming ideas for our company, or anything else, he was always doing something. 

Tonight was no exception. However, it seemed he had something else on his mind besides work. 

He waited until the door that separated our room from Josh, Stell, and Jah’s room closed before he spoke, his voice soft. 

“Maybe I’m reading too much into this, but is everything okay?”

I wasn’t surprised that Pablo was now asking questions. Like I said, he knew me better than most. 

“Yeah,” I said “I think so. Maybe. I don’t know.”

He blinked at me a couple of times before giving a low chuckle. “Bro, you just gave me four different answers.”

I rubbed a hand over over my face, frustrated. “I know. I’m a little confused too.”

“Was she giving you mixed messages?” 

“I really don’t know,” I answered honestly. “I get the feeling that she’s undecided.”

“About you?”

“About anything. I mean, this wasn’t exactly a planned thing that happened. I’m sure she wasn’t expecting to meet me too. And then we had spent this time together.” And shared one glorious kiss. The last unspoken thought had me feeling some type of way, and my chest tightened with the memory. 

“Is she American?” Pablo asked. 

“Kind of,” I answered, “not that that matters. She’s Filipino but she was raised here. She speaks like an American, but seems very Filipino too, if that makes any sense.”

“Not really,” he said, “but shit, I’m not the one you should be getting clarity from.”

I looked at him. “What would you do? If you were in my position?”

“Well, I’m Filipino.”

“Duh. So am I.”

“So is she.” 

“Yes.”

“You really want to know what I would do?”

“Yes. Please. I could use all the help I can get.”

“Ever heard of ligaw?”

“Ligaw?” I asked. “You think I should court her? I don’t know about all that.”

“Why not? That’s what I would do, but what the heck do I know,” Pablo asked, genuinely baffled. “But don’t you think every woman deserves to be romanced?”

I shook my head at him, but not because I disagreed. It was just such a Pablo thing to say. He was definitely the most romantic among all of us, if his songs weren’t enough indication. 

“What’s her name anyway?”

“Isa.” I could barely hide the smile that came over my face as I said her name out loud. 

“Isa?” He asked, amusement in his face, raising his index finger. “As in isa? One?”

It didn’t even cross my mind when I called her that for the first time that I was using the Filipino word for ‘one’. Pablo loves wordplays.

“So your Isa also literally means your one?” At the amazed look on my face, he threw his head back and laughed. “If that’s not auspicious, I don’t know what is.”

---

Isabelle

“You didn’t forget, did you? JVKE’s concert, in Boston?” Michelle asked. 

“What?” I asked, opening my front door. 

“Concert on Saturday. In Boston. You agreed to come here?”

“Yeah.” I kicked off my shoes and put slippers on. “Yes. I will be there. My flight is booked already. I’ll be there by noon.”

“Good,” she said, sounding relieved. “Because I already bought the tickets and made reservations for a late lunch before the show. Hey, by the way, I checked the website, and it looks like a Filipino boy group called SB19 is performing as special guests. Have you heard of them before?”

“No,” I said as I dropped my purse off on the entryway table along with my keys, “I haven’t. But I’m not exactly an expert on the Filipino music scene.”

“But how did they even get invited?”

“I honestly have no idea, Miche. Until you mentioned the name of the group, I didn’t even know they existed.”

“Well, I’m interested to see what that’s all about. Anyway, where were you last night?” she asked. “I called you a couple of times to check up on you, but you never answered my calls or texts until this morning.”

I had just arrived back at my loft after another training day, and I was hit with a sense of deja vu. Was it only 24 hours ago that we were talking on the phone after the serendipitous arrival of James’ wedding invitation? 

“Hello? Izzy?”

I grabbed a bottled from the fridge, uncapping it and taking a big swallow. I sat down on one of my dining room chairs.

“I’m here, Miche. Sorry. I’m freaking exhausted.”

Most of my day today was spent standing up, going through modules on emergency and trauma care. My legs hurt, my back hurts, my head hurts. I’m in bad shape. My stomach growled. And hungry, apparently. 

“Did you not have a good night’s sleep?”

“Not really.”

After spending an inordinate amount of time leaning against my front door, my hand trying to calm my racing heart after Felip left, I spent the whole night tossing and turning, too tired to actually get out of bed to do something productive but still unable to go to sleep.

“You still haven’t answered my question.”

“I know,” I said, rubbing one side of my head. “I’m sorry. I actually went out and was showing someone around.”

“Someone?” The tone of my best friend’s voice changed from worried to interested in all of two seconds. “Please tell me this someone was male.”

I pulled the phone from my ear to look at it in exasperation. “Yes, actually he was. Is,” I corrected myself, “that hasn’t changed in one day.”

“And…”

“And he was…” handsome, funny, smart, and an amazing kisser “… nice.”

“Okay. I mean, can I get some details? Is he age appropriate? What does he do? Where is he from?”

“Yes, he’s 26. He’s a musician, from the Philippines.” 

I answered all her questions in a row with the hope that she would be satisfied.

“And…” Obviously, it didn’t work. 

“And what?”

“Are you going to see him again?”

“No.” My answer was decisive. “First of all, he’s younger than me.”

“Don’t be ageist. Age is nothing but a number. And that doesn’t matter anyway, as long as two people love each other enough to make it work.”

“But you also know that women mature faster than men.”

“Did he seem immature to you?”

“No.”

“So there you go. Come on now, Isa. It’s three years, not thirty. That age difference is hardly going to matter when you’re in your sixties. I know many married people with larger age gaps than that who are perfectly happy.”

There was some truth to what she was saying, but still. 

“Does he not know you’re older?” she asked. 

“Of course, he does.”

“And does it seem like a problem to him?”

“No, but…”

“Next point,” Michelle said, her tone telling me this was not even a point at all. 

“Fine,” I conceded. “He doesn’t live here.”

“Who cares if he doesn’t live in New York City?”

“I didn’t mean the city. I mean America. So no.”

“Even if you had a good time?” It was an unforgettable time, but I wasn’t going to correct her. 

“Even then. He’s leaving soon.”

“But not yet.” Okay, she was way too invested in this conversation. “I notice you didn’t say it was because he wasn’t interested in you.”

“That’s besides the point.”

“So what is the point?” 

What is the point? He had asked with his deep voice, his brown eyes boring into me, as he insisted that, of course, he likes me. I banished the image away.

“The point is that there’s no seeing him again.”

“Why?”

“I just told you!”

“I don’t think those reasons are good enough,” she insisted. “I mean, ok, he’ll leave but there’s FaceTime and Internet now. There’s nothing stopping you from getting to know him better “

“No.”

“I’m not saying to marry him, Izzy. But you haven’t dated in years. The fact alone that you are so insistent on not seeing him again tells me that you are more interested than you’re admitting to.”

“Even if that were true, I’m still not seeing him again. We didn’t exchange numbers.”

“You didn’t ask?” Her tone was incredulous. “You’re so out of practice at this dating thing.”

“It wasn’t a date!” I was so confounded by this whole conversation that I raised my voice. “It’s nothing.  I just showed him around. That’s… hold on.”

I was interrupted by the sound of the doorbell. When I opened it, I almost dropped my phone. 

Felip was at my door, looking just as handsome as he did last night, if not more so, carrying a bouquet of flowers, and a grocery bag?

“Miche, I’ll call you later.”

---

Ken

This is probably the most insane thing I’ve done in my life. I mean, maybe the most insane thing I’ve done recently. Yes, I know. Leaving everything I knew in the province to pursue something that may or may not work out can be classified as crazy too. But this is different. 

I lugged a bag full of grocery items and a giant bouquet of flowers that I had picked up from a florist nearby and stopped at Isa’s door. For a moment, I was tempted to turn around and go back to the hotel, realizing that she may not even be home yet. 

But I figured, this was around the same time that we met yesterday, and maybe, just maybe, she would be back from work. 

I took a deep breath as I rang her doorbell and waited for a response. I heard a voice speaking from the inside of the house and pressed my ear to listen more closely. The door suddenly opened and I quickly stood upright, reminding myself to look calm and be the epitome of cool. 

I smiled as Isa stood on the other side of the door, her eyes wide, and I hoped that my face showed nothing of what I was feeling. 

“Micheillcallyoulater.” 

She sounded like she just said one word instead of a full sentence over her phone, with one hand covering the receiver, her body half turned, still in her scrubs. She turned to face me, a few seconds later than what I’d have expected, her beautiful face now composed, if not altogether blank.  

“Hi.” I couldn’t think of anything else to say. 

“Hello,” she said carefully, arms crossing over her chest. “What are you doing here?”

I’d forgotten how her voice sounded, her tone rich and warm. Not high. Not deep. Just the right pitch. 

“I wanted to speak to you,” I answered. 

“You probably should have dropped off your groceries before you came here.” The dryness in her delivery made me laugh inwardly. I’d already forgotten how sarcastic she is. “How’d you know how to find my place? I wasn’t even sure you had been paying attention last night.”

“Eyyyy,” I chided, “I may not be the best at directions, but my spatial awareness is pretty good. And don’t say I should have called, because you and I both know we didn’t exchange numbers.” She pursed her lips. I knew I stumped her there. “So, are we going to keep having this conversation right here on your front steps, with alllllll,” I looked behind me at the people still walking down the streets and hanging out in groups outside various storefronts just outside her door, “these people around, or can I come in?”

She shrugged one delicate shoulder before opening her door, and I breathed a sigh of relief. 

She paused when I stepped into her entryway, looking directly at my shoes. I understood completely. I noted the lack of male-sized slippers as I took my shoes off and followed her into the place she called home. 

I walked into a modest sized space with an open floor plan, the wood gleaming. Overhead beams covered the ceiling in parallel lines, with one perpendicular and anchored to the floor. To my left was a living room, a worn brown leather sectional in the corner, a thick throw haphazardly over the back, with a wooden coffee table in front, its surface hardly visible under the amount of books on it. A fireplace sat on the far wall, framed pictures on a shelf above it. There was a giant black and white print of Brooklyn Bridge. 

I walked over and studied it, the scene familiar. 

“That’s the view from Pier 17,” she said behind me. “The one I wanted to show you had there not been a concert there last night.”

“It’s lovely,” I commented, “just like you said.”

I turned to see her with her back leaning against the kitchen counter, an open water bottle in her hand. There seems to be a combined kitchen and dining room area, with a medium sized table and several matching chairs around it. The kitchen was outfitted with modern appliances more than suitable for my purpose. I glanced to my right to see a smaller area with bookshelves and French doors leading to what looked like a balcony. The whole vibe of the place was modern but cozy, and it absolutely felt like she belonged here. 

There was an empty glass vase on the table. Perfect. Josh was right for suggesting that I bring flowers.

“This place is great,” I said.  “Rent must be atrocious.”

“It’s not bad,” she replied, “but it’s not good either.”

There it was again. That sense of humor. We shared a smile. 

“So,” Isa said, her face straightening. “What did you want to talk about?”

I placed the bag of groceries on the counter. “I would like to eat a home-cooked meal.”

She raised a brow. “You want to eat a home-cooked meal.”

“Yes.”

“So you,” she continued, perusing the bag I brought with me, “brought stuff for me to cook for you?”

She said nothing else, but I could see the wheels turning in her head. I laughed out loud. 

“No, no… I said that all wrong. I would like to eat a home-cooked meal, that I cooked, with you.”

“I would have just let you use my kitchen. You really don’t need to share it with…”

“I’m not sure I’m getting my point properly across,” I said. “So let me start over. I would like to cook for you. And share that meal with you after, if you’re okay with it.”

I knew I was being shameless, but desperate times call for desperate measures. I mean if the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, wouldn’t it be the same for a woman’s? All of this seemed so clear cut when I was discussing it with my group members. 

“I just remembered how you said you don’t typically have time to cook a meal,” I added, really trying to make my case, so she wouldn’t throw me out of her house before I can even start. 

“Okay.”

“And I know it must get expensive to be ordering delivery all the time, and it’s always good to save some money.”

“Okay.”

“And I wanted to see you, so I thought I’d kill two birds with one stone.”

“Okay.”

I was still thinking about more points to bring up to convince her this wasn’t a bad idea. I was so caught up thinking that I completely didn’t realize that she had already been agreeing all this time. 

“Did you say okay?”

“I’ve been saying okay.”

“Great,” I said, pleased, and started getting the ingredients out of the bag. “Do you know how to cook rice?”

---

Isabelle

“Do you know how to cook rice?” 

“Of course, I know how to cook rice,” I answered. “But technically, I don’t have to do any cooking. All I have to do is measure it out and wash it, then put the water in and voila!” I pointed to the rice cooker in the corner of the counter. “This nifty little device does all the work for me!”

“Haha, funny,” he said, examining the ingredients that he had lain out. “Do you have a cutting board?”

“Of course, I have a cutting board. Believe it or not, I have everything I need in this house to…” 

I opened a cabinet and realized that the cutting board was on the top shelf. Has it been that long since I used it? How the heck did I even get it up there? 

I tried to stand on tiptoes to reach for it, not realizing that he had walked the few steps that would bring him much closer to me. Before I knew it, he was right behind me, a tanned arm reaching out and grabbing the cutting board and placing it flat on the surface in front of him before I could even protest. 

My pulse sped up against my consent, my body betraying itself at his close proximity. This is absolutely unacceptable. 

I had only thought to allow him use of my kitchen, because he said he wanted to eat a home-cooked meal. 

Sure. 

And I have to eat, don’t I?

Absolutely. 

“This is not correct,” I muttered. 

“What’s not correct?” 

His voice was soft, right over my ear. I froze. I felt what seemed like a nuzzle on my hair but the moment was over before I could say a word. By the time I turned to address him, he was already washing the vegetables under the sink and had begun chopping them. 

I started on the rice before pulling out a heavy pot and filling it with water. I already deduced what it was that he was going to make based on his ingredients. I had just placed it on the stove next to him when he suddenly turned, and we bumped into each other. I tried to take a step right only for him to take a step left, and then vice versa. 

I made the mistake of looking directly at him as we danced around each other, only to see him struggling not to laugh. 

“What is wrong with us?” He asked, tone utterly bemused. He started laughing. “This is so awkward.” 

He was right, and as hard as I tried not to laugh along with him, it was a losing battle. There was a lack of self-consciousness about him that I liked, even more so than I’d like to admit. His obvious enjoyment of this whole situation was kind of sweet, and his laugh was too damn contagious.

“That’s nice,” i said softly, more to myself than to him. 

“What is?” He asked me the question while sliding off sliced pieces of pork belly from the cutting board to the pot with his knife, adding salt to the water. Apparently, I’m not very good at talking to myself. 

“Your laugh,” I answered honestly. “Your laugh is nice. It’s very unique. I like it.”

He gave me an assessing look. “I like you.”

Him being so direct was something I can’t get used to. Especially when he’s saying things like that. 

“But yes,” he said, now focusing his attention on getting the flowers out of their plastic cocoon and into my vase, the prepped vegetables on a platter next to the stove. “I’m told that a lot.”

“I wish you’d stop saying that.” I sat down on the closest chair. 

“Saying that I hear that my laugh is unique a lot?” His voice was teasing. “I do.”

“You know what I’m talking about.”

“I don’t know,” he countered. “I’ve only ever said I liked you twice, so it wasn’t like I was hammering it over and over.”

“You don’t like me.”

“Are you trying to convince me or yourself?”

“You don’t even know me.”

“So you keep saying. But honestly, aside from all the things I listed that I knew about you yesterday, I feel like I know even more things about you now.”

“Like what?”

“I know you have a butterfly tattoo,” he answered, “I also know you can slow dance.”  There was only about three feet separating us, but it felt much closer. His voice dropped down an octave. 

“I know how your eyes darken before you get kissed. How you make a sound between a sigh and a moan. I know how quickly your skin warms to my touch and how your pulse feels under my lips. I know all that, and that information is infinitely more important to me than the ones you’ve been insisting on.”

The memory that he brought up was so vivid it was as if we were still in the square, with the evening sky above, fairy lights twinkling. I closed my eyes. 

“You know what else I know?” he asked and our gazes met. “How you make me feel. Excited and calm at the same time. Like I don’t know whether I should run from you or run to you. Like I’m potentially in the most dangerous situation but the safest place at the same time. I can’t seem to process any of it. I’m very confused because I’m talking about this stuff when I don’t even open up like that.”

“That’s why I’m here…” he continued, “to figure it out. I was hoping to have us sitting down in front of a warm meal as we talked this through. But right now, I’m not even sure that’ll happen.”

He sat himself down on the chair next to me and turned mine to face him until our eyes were at equal level. He leaned forward. 

“Why?” I hated how breathless my voice sounded. I don’t really think this is fair. 

“It may not seem like it, but I am just as unsettled as you,” he whispered. “I thought that in the light of day, everything would look different, that I would feel different, but I was wrong. And now, I’m doing things I don’t even normally do. It’s messing with my equilibrium.” 

I could only blink as he gazed at me, his eyes fixated on my lips. He’s not the only one whose equilibrium is all messed up. My brain feels like it’s stopped working.

“Right now, I can’t think of much else when you’re this close to me except kissing you. It’s taking everything in me to be a gentleman and not do it right now. Do you have anything to say about that?”

I shook my head.

His brows narrowed. “So quiet all of a sudden.” He reached out a hand to caress my cheek. “I promised you dinner, and I’m pretty hungry too. So please… and I mean this in the most respectful way possible, please get away from me for a little while. Relax. Shower. Whatever. I’ll let you know when dinner’s ready.”

---

Ken

So freaking pretty, I thought, as I looked in her eyes, honesty pouring out of my words. Everything I was saying was true. From up close, the gold flecks in her irises were even more visible. She was nervous, flustered. That much was obvious by the flush in her cheeks. 

“So quiet all of a sudden. I promised you dinner, and I’m pretty hungry too. So please… and I mean this in the most respectful way possible.” I took a deep breath. “Please get away from me for a little while. Relax. Shower. Whatever. I’ll let you know when dinner’s ready.”

She got up from her chair and disappeared from my sight so fast I was shocked, even if I had been the one to make the suggestion. For some reason, I thought she’d argue some more, but I was pleasantly surprised at how quickly she had acquiesced. 

For the few minutes she was gone, I busied myself with making the tamarind stew I had planned on, adding the soup base and vegetables once the pork belly was soft. I heard the ding of the rice cooker and knew that it was done. 

I set the plates out along with utensils on the table, satisfied at how the flowers completed the tablescape. I found some dish towels and laid them out on the surface and placed the pot on top, a ladle handle over its edge, steam coming out. I found a deep bowl and spooned out some rice and put it next to the pot.

I wondered if she had any fish sauce as I took a step back and admired my handiwork. I had just taken a picture of the stew to send to Jah to prove that I can now cook sinigang properly when, from the corner of my eye, I saw her come out of one of the back rooms, her scrubs now replaced with a pair of sweatpants and a racerback tank. 

Without looking at me, she walked straight to the living room, where she picked out a vinyl record from the cabinet that the television set was sitting on and put it on a record player. Within a few seconds, I heard a pounding rhythm and Adele’s distinctive voice. 

Isa came to the kitchen and made a turn around the table, sniffing appreciatively. She bypassed me to open a cabinet next to the stove and took out a bottle of fish sauce, grabbing a small sauce bowl before depositing both on the table. 

“Is dinner ready?”

Her hair was up in a bun, the same way when I arrived, except now it looked damp. Her face was washed clean with no make up at all. I could see even more tattoos covering her left arm, and, as I walked behind her to go to my seat, on her left shoulder, right inner arm, and right scapula as well. 

Another surprise. She has even more tattoos than I do. 

I took her bowl and served her first before putting some in my own, while she placed some rice on my plate before serving herself. I sat down across from her and watched as she put her hands together as if to pray. I followed suit and heard her say a quick prayer of thanks before unclasping her hands and smiling at me. 

“Thank you for dinner,” she said, grateful. I waited as she tasted the stew, her face puckering, her tongue darting out to lick her lips. “Oh my God, it’s so good. You can cook.”

I puffed up with the compliment. There was a time when all I knew how to do in the kitchen was fry food, and now look. The quarantine did do me some good. I allowed myself to start eating once I saw her fully tucking in, though as the minutes passed, I became so nervous that I could hardly taste anything. 

I cleared my throat. 

“So, Isa,” I started, and she nodded, her attention still fully ensconced in the meal. “Remember I said that I came here to talk to you about something?”

“Uh-hmmm.” She picked up a piece of eggplant from her bowl and dipped it in the fish sauce before putting it in her mouth. 

“Well, I really came here to tell you something very important.”

“K.” 

“I think that you should know,” I said, not even sure if she’s listening to me, her attention was solely focused on what she was eating, “that I will be courting you.”

She choked on her soup. 

Ken

“Thanks for the meal,” Isabelle said. “But I could have carried that bag. And opened the door myself.”

Although her tone was calm, I detected a hint of stubbornness. What was wrong with showing some manners? I was ruffled for a brief moment, but then I clocked the look on her face. 

There was no anger there, just a blankness that threw me off. She was biting her lower lip. 

“I know you can, but why should you have to?”

“Let’s just go get dessert.”

I was thrown slightly off kilter by the fact that for the first time since we met, I couldn’t get a read on what she was feeling. 

“Hey,” I said, keeping my tone gentle, “Everything alright?”

She said nothing as her eyes met mine. She looked lost, desolate. A surge of protectiveness came over me. I wished I could wrap her in my arms and tell her that whatever she was thinking about didn’t matter. That the only thing that mattered was here and now. Unable to do that, I did the next best thing.

I took her hand in mine. 

It was a gesture meant to comfort her, but the contact reassured me instead. It may not have completely erased the look on her face, but what it did do was get her to relax, and she gave me a bemused smile as a reward.

“Did you say dessert?” I joked. 

“Yeah.” I saw her release a deep breath. “Come on. We have to get it now before the shop closes.”

She tried to saunter off, pulling her hand away. I tightened my grip as I interlocked our fingers. If this surprised her, she didn’t show it. 

Any other time, I would not have been so bold. I am a man given to taking my time. In everything. My group members often tease me for always being the last one to show up to scheduled engagements and the last one who answered texts, often to their collective dismay. However, I also knew that while I preferred to take my time, I was also very decisive. Once I make a decision on anything, I saw it through to the end. 

This time was no different. 

I may not know a lot about this woman, but I know I liked her. I know I wanted to spend more time with her. I know I wanted to know her better. 

It was just my luck to meet someone I would like somewhere I wasn’t expecting. My time here is limited, and this brought on a sense of urgency that called on me to act. I don’t have the luxury of taking my time, so I’m realigning my strategy. 

I turned to face her fully. 

“Listen,” I said, my tone even. “I don’t want to freak you out, but I want to make sure I’m honest with you.”

Her eyebrows lifted in curiosity. “What?”

“Here’s the thing.” She looked so lovely standing there, her focus entirely on me. “I like you.”

---

Isabelle

“Here’s the thing, I like you.”

At first, I thought he was joking. In which case, it wasn’t very funny. People toying with other people’s feelings is not a nice thing to do. I pulled my hand away and frowned. 

“Are you kidding?”

“Not at all,” he answered, a grin on his face. “I don’t joke about things like this.”

I shook my head in disbelief. “You don’t like me.”

“Of course I do. Why wouldn’t I?”

“You don’t know me!” I protested, then lowered my voice when I realized we were standing in the middle of a busy street. “You don’t even know my last name, my age, or my job. You don’t even know if I have a boyfriend!”

“Do you have a boyfriend?” 

“No. But that’s besides the point.”

“Can we start walking or are we just going to stand here?” 

Exasperated, I started walking in the direction of one of my favorite bakeries, not far from the coffee shop where we started. We were both silent as we walked a few blocks; it wasn’t until we were stopped at a crosswalk that he spoke. 

“What is the point?” His tone was amused.

I placed my hand on his elbow as we crossed the street, trying to formulate a proper, not so hysterical response. His declaration had thrown me off so completely, and I wasn’t quite sure whether to laugh or cry. 

“The point is,” I said, my pace not slowing down, “you don’t know me.”

“Why? Because I don’t know all those things?” He questioned, his brows furrowing. “Those details are arbitrary.”

“Arbitrary.”

“Yes.” He grinned at me. “There’s many more important things that I know about you that mean more.”

“Mean more?” I swear. When did he become an expert on me?

“I know you’re funny. I know you’re smart. I know you’re friendly when you want to be,” he continued, “you have quite a temper, but that’s okay.”

“Okay?” I wasn’t quite sure why I was parroting what he was saying, but I knew I was dumbfounded. 

“It’s nothing I can’t handle.” He sounded confident as he put a hand on my back to slow me down. “I know you’re kind.”

“Kind.”

“What else but kindness would make a woman agree to showing the city around to a stranger?”

“Some people might call that craziness,” I said weakly. 

“I see it differently, but we can agree to disagree.”

“How nice.”

“See?” He threw his head back and laughed. I wished he would stop that. I liked his laugh. “I now know you’re also sarcastic.”

“This isn’t funny.” 

I stopped walking when I realized we were in front of the patisserie. He licked his lips and took a deep breath before speaking. 

“I know you don’t think it’s funny, but I think you’re adorable when you’re flustered.”

I bristled and fought the urge to stomp my feet in frustration. 

“You don’t know this about me yet,” he said, “but I grew up in the church, so I try very hard not to lie. I know it sounds strange, but I’m not lying. And, I know you’re not completely indifferent towards me.”

“Not completely indifferent.”

Something buzzed and interrupted our conversation. I checked my purse for my phone, realizing it wasn’t mine. Felip pulled a phone out of his pocket and read something, a careless hand running through his hair. He turned the screen off and put his phone back in his pocket. 

“Yes,” he continued, meeting my eyes. “Not completely indifferent.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

Even as I said it, I flushed guiltily, knowing that while I may not know exactly what he was talking about, I think I may have a clue.

“I know you feel it, too,” he insisted, “this thing between us. We’re both adults. You’re what, 29?”

“How do you know that?”

“You said you were 7 when 9/11 happened, and it’s 2023. I studied architecture in college; I can do simple math. I’m 26. So yeah, we’re not kids. There’s something definitely here.” His expression turned serious, and he lifted a hand and cupped my face. “I know you’re surprised by what I said, but please don’t think too much of it. I felt it, so I said it.” I felt his thumb brush over my cheek. “You can do with that information what you want to do with it. You can ignore it, pretend I didn’t say it, whatever. You’re under no obligation to give me an answer. Is that cool?”

The sensation of being touched so tenderly rendered me speechless, and I could only nod in response. One side of his mouth lifted in a soft smile. 

“Now, can we get some dessert?”

---

Ken

I wasn’t even into cake all that much, I thought, as I watched Isabelle unpack our dinner on the blanket that she had laid out, purchased from a Duane Reade we passed on our way here. I looked at the large bag I had placed next to me, filled with pastries, some of which I knew and most I didn’t. To be honest, most of what’s in the bag I don’t think I can even pronounce. 

She had told me to pick what I thought was interesting, and she had been so insistent on paying for something that I probably ended up choosing more than I can eat myself. After paying for coffee earlier and then this dinner, I wanted us to be on a level playing field. 

I am a man of equanimity, after all. 

Our journey to this place, called Elevated Acre, had only been filled with small talk. The nice weather, for one. There was no more talk of feelings or attraction. I didn’t want to push. I’ve already said what I needed to say, and the ball was now in her court. 

I pulled my phone out to reread Pablo’s message, saying only that they were heading to Pier 17, the site of JVKE’s concert. One that I was supposed to attend as well. I quickly typed a response on the group chat.

Ok. 

Not long after, I received a selfie from Justin, a picture with Pablo and Stell, Josh nowhere in sight, along with one question from Pablo.

Where are you?

I looked at Isabelle, still focused on her task, her hands carefully laying out the food, along with the drinks and utensils. 

Pretty sure I’m on a date. 

It wasn’t a lie. I was with a woman I had coffee with, then whom I invited out. I like her, and we are about to share a meal. That the order was all convoluted didn’t matter; all the components were here for a date. I wasn’t one to get hung up on semantics.

A date? 

Stell, chiming in. Then one from Josh. 

Good luck, pre.

I smiled. 

I’ll tell you all about it later. 

A series of emojis followed, and I quickly put my phone back in my pocket. I looked down at the blanket and was impressed at the veritable feast that was before me. My stomach rumbled again. 

“Let’s eat,” she said, her lips curving up in satisfaction. She must know how charming she looks when she smiles. She lifted her eyes to me, and my heart sped up. It seems that now that I’ve said the words, every part of me is following suit. 

She pulled out what looked like wipes from her bag, and offered it to me, along with a little bag of utensils. After cleaning my hands, she held out an open bag for trash, and set it primly next to her. 

I had just torn off a piece of chicken skin, my favorite, and popped it into my mouth when I heard a phone ring. She put down her spoon and fished it out of her bag, pressing the answer button.  

“Hi Mama,” I heard her say. 

I kept myself occupied by taking bites of the chicken. This is delicious, I thought to myself, noting that I must be hungrier than I realized.

“It was OK. Nagtrabaho ako kanina, pero lumabas ako for dinner. Meron naman akong kasama.” (“It was OK. I worked earlier, but I went out for dinner. I’m with someone.”)

My head quickly turned when I realized she was speaking in Filipino. I didn’t even know she could speak in Filipino. It had been a detail I hadn’t deemed to ask. I mean, why would I? She was raised in America, and we were here. I just assumed that she didn’t speak the language anymore. 

“Mama,” she said, her voice getting softer as she turned a little bit away from me. “Huwag ka namang mag-alala. Marami akong kaibigan. Ok. Ok. Tawagan kita mamaya, ok? Love you. Bye.” (“Please don’t worry. I have a lot of friends. Ok. Ok. I’ll call you later, ok? Love you. Bye.”)

She turned around after ending her call and putting her phone back in her bag. “Sorry,” she said, a bit chagrined. “My mama calls me every day at this time. I don’t think she ever got used to the idea of me living in the city by myself, and she worries.”

“I didn’t know you could speak in Filipino,” I remarked over a mouthful of rice. 

“Yes. Oo.” She grinned. “My parents spoke to me almost exclusively in Filipino at home, at least until my sister started talking. She couldn’t pick it up, and it was getting too confusing for her, so that’s when we started speaking English in the house, too. Lucky for me, there’s a big age gap between us, and I managed to keep it.” She paused, took a few bites of her salad and a drink of water. “I sound funny, though, right?”

“Not at all,” I said. “I’m from Mindanao, so I think I always sound funny even when I’m speaking in Filipino. I actually prefer to speak in English if given the choice, unless I’m speaking in Bisaya.”

“Your English is very good,” she commented. “I wasn’t sure, at first, whether you were Filipino. But I should have known.” 

“How?” I opened my drink and took a large sip. 

“Your skin tone. Your eyes.”

“I get that. I wasn’t sure you were, either.”

“Why?”

I allowed myself a study of her face. “You have big eyes. Your lips. Your light skin.”

“Funny,” she said, “other Filipinos I work with say the same.”

I lifted the container of corn and took a sniff before digging in. “What do you do for work?”

“I’m a nurse,” she said sheepishly. “How very Filipino, right?”

We shared a conspiratorial smile. There are a lot of Filipino nurses, and I have the utmost respect for them and what they do. 

“My mom is also a nurse,” she continued, “as are some of my cousins in the Philippines. I didn’t want to be a nurse at first. Thought I wanted to be a doctor, but I wasn’t patient enough to endure going to school for so long and go through residency.  Besides, I’m good at what I do.”

“And you work eight hour shifts?” 

She shook her head. “No, we work 12 hour shifts. I just happened to have training today, so it was a short day.”

What a coincidence it really had been, that we met today of all days. If she was working her normal hours or had the day off work, I might have missed her entirely. 

“How about you? What do you do for work?”

Not for the first time today, I hesitated to answer. Not because I was ashamed of my profession, only because I was aware that it might affect the way she sees me. Being with her, like this, was the first taste of freedom that I have felt in a long time, unconstrained by obligations or expectations. 

“I’m a musician,” I finally said, deciding to tell her a condensed version of my truth. “I’m a part of a group.”

---

Isabelle

I heard his hesitation before he answered. In between bites of food, I saw reluctance pass over his face. 

“I’m a musician. I’m a part of a group.”

A part of me wasn’t surprised. I see the way he’s dressed. He looked like a creative type. 

“So what do you do in your group?”

“I sing.” I watched as he continued to eat in between his sentences. “I dance. I rap.”

“I didn’t realize that there were groups like yours in the Philippines.”

“You listen to Filipino music?”

I nodded. 

“Not so much newer music, but my Papa loved OPM. So my repertoire is a bit limited to Apo Hiking Society and VST & Company, groups like that. I also love Regine Velasquez, of course. And I’ve seen Morrisette Amon on YouTube, and she’s quite good as well.” 

“Do you sing?”

I chuckled. “Don’t all Filipinos?” He answered with a chuckle of his own. “When I was in high school, I sang in choirs and musicals. I recorded a song in a studio when I was in college. You know, like the musical hook in a rap song.”

“But you never continued?”

“Only on karaoke,” I joked. “I could never muster up enough courage to perform live on a regular basis in front of people, so I saw no point.”

“What’s your favorite Filipino song?”

I thought about my answer for a few minutes, there were so many songs that I loved. 

“Alipin,” I finally said. “Regine’s version.”

“I like that song, too.”

“You had mentioned studying architecture, right?” I suddenly remembered him mentioning this detail. 

“Yeah,” he said, dragging his eyes away from mine. “I took a break before my third year, and then I was accepted into an entertainment company, and that was that.”

“You stopped your studies to pursue music?”

He nodded. 

“Wow,” I said, impressed. “That must have been quite a leap of faith.”

“It was,” he agreed, closing the food containers before motioning for the trash bag. “It was a big gamble.”

“But you have no regrets?”

“None,” he answered, crossing his arms over legs bent in front of him. 

“Then it was worth it.”

I wrapped up what was left of my food and returned it to the bag. There was enough left over for another meal. Felip finished his, though. Not a speck of chicken left, except for bones.

“So,” he said, “what did you think of the food?”

I knew a change of topic when I heard one. I wanted to ask him more questions, but one look at his face, and I was deterred. It must be a sensitive topic. 

“It was absolutely delicious,” I replied. “Definitely a place going on my go to list.”

“Do you eat out a lot?” 

“I do,” I answered. “I work my shifts in a row, and usually by the time I get back it’s already past 8 p.m. I need to be asleep by 10 p.m. if I don’t want to be useless the next day. It’s just so much easier to order something when I get back to my place.”

“So you’re not seeing anyone at all?” 

---

Ken

“So you’re not seeing anyone at all?” I watched her face as I asked my question and looked for any sign of vacillation. There was none. 

“No,” she answered, tying up the trash bag and putting both it and the food bag away. “I already told you I don’t have a boyfriend.”

“I know,” I said. “But it doesn’t mean you’re not dating.”

She let out a small laugh. “I haven’t been on a date in years.”

I looked at her amused expression, and I couldn’t believe it. A woman who looks like her, who talks like her, and she hasn’t been on a date. Maybe something’s wrong with American men. If I lived here… I stopped myself before I could continue. 

I don’t live here. I’ll have to leave soon. 

“How about you?” 

“No.” I looked at her. “I don’t tell women I like them if I already had somebody.”

The mention of my earlier confession had her avoiding my gaze. It seems I’ve made some progress, but not quite enough. I opened the bag next to me and picked out the pastry she had chosen before inching myself closer to her. 

For her part, she didn’t tense up this time, but looked at the pastry I was holding out in my hand. She accepted it with a wan smile before reaching back behind her to her purse, taking out another plastic wrapped fork. One of her pant legs hiked up, and I saw a familiar shape. 

“You have a butterfly tattoo?” I asked. 

“Yeah,” she replied, one finger tracing its shape. “I got it years ago, the second of many.”

“I have one, too,” I told her, allowing myself to enjoy how close we were sitting. Almost as if we’d done this before. As if we were always meant to do this. I pointed at my right arm. “Right here.”

Her head turned. “Really?” 

I nodded before pulling up my sleeve until the butterfly was visible. One of her fingers hovered over the figure before she could stop herself, but she pulled away before she could make contact. She smiled at me, a mix of awareness and embarrassment on her face. 

“It’s beautiful.”

“I got it for my grandparents. They raised me.” I shared this information freely, though she did not ask any questions. I wanted her to know this part of me. How close I had been to them. How much I had loved them. How lost I was when I lost them. “It’s meant to symbolize the cycle of life. Life and death, and how they’re inextricably tied to each other.”

“You must miss them.”

I nodded. “They played a big part in making me the man I am today.” 

“I got mine after my last break-up,” she said, looking away. “Not a loss as significant as yours.”

“A loss is still a loss.” I cleared my throat. “How long were you two together?”

“Seven years.”

Seven years. She was with him longer than I’ve even been in my group. It was ridiculous that I’m now feeling jealous of this faceless, nameless man, that he had her in his life for that long, but I still couldn’t stop the emotion. 

“What happened?”

She took a deep breath, thinking. 

“You know, I’m not really sure. There were a lot of things. There was distance, and lack of time. There was no communication. I guess, if I had to just sum it up to just one thing, it was that he didn’t love me anymore.”

Her voice was tinged with sadness. The thought of someone just falling out of love after that long was a concept I couldn’t wrap my head around. 

“We were too different,” she admitted. “I thought we could get over it, get past it, get through it, but I guess I was wrong.”

“Sometimes people just aren’t meant to be together,” I said. 

“You’re right. And I did get a pretty tattoo out of it, so there’s that. I wanted this,” she said quietly, “to represent change- the inevitability of it. How, at any moment, I should be prepared for it, even if it’s not something I want or had planned on.”

I didn’t fear change, yet still I find myself taken by surprise when it comes all the same. I thought about my life and the decisions I’ve made, and how any choice, both mine and others’, have shaped the man I’ve become and the life I have. 

I am both a victim and a victor of choice and circumstance.  

After that, she sat wordless, silent for a few minutes, seemingly lost in contemplation. She began eating her dessert, and I followed suit. 

“What are you thinking about?” I asked, genuinely curious. I finished off the chocolate canelé I had chosen and wiped my hands clean. 

“Not much.” Her answer belied the expression on her face. “Just… I made one change in my routine, and it led me to you, and now here we are.”

“Lucky me.”

She responded with a tight smile.

On the horizon the sun was finally beginning to set, painting the sky in burnt orange hues. We sat side by side, watching as the sun played peekaboo with the clouds as it descended. This time, I didn’t need to say anything and just tried to enjoy the sight before me as well as her company, acutely aware that our time together will soon come to a close.

As if sensing my unease, it was she this time who scooted closer. I relished the feel of her shoulder touching mine and the sensation of her just being present next to me. I realized, with a start, that there really was nowhere else I’d rather be right now. 

Lucky me, indeed. 

---

Isabelle

“Do you work tomorrow?” Felip asked. 

We had left the park just minutes before, and he still had a bagful of pastries in his hand. We walked along the street, still teeming with people rushing off home or just out for the night. We walked in a steady pace as I led him to South Street’s cobblestone steps, one more stop in my list of loved places in this part of the city. 

The street was lit by an array of fairy lights, lending it in ethereal glow. There were no cars allowed here, and there were several groups of people dining al fresco in many of the restaurants’ outside dining provisions. 

“I do,” I said. “But only another training day, so I can be out a little later.”

I offered the last bit of information willingly. It surprised even me. I realized I wanted him to know that I had time, still. And that I wanted to spend it with him. 

It registered that I never even asked him whether he had any other plans for tonight. We’ve only been together for a few hours, and already it feels like I’ve never not known him at all. 

It felt like I was in a bubble, where only he and I existed. And for now, maybe that was true, trying not to think about what happens next, if anything. 

“When do you leave town?” I found myself asking, trying to keep my voice neutral. 

“We leave Friday.”

“We?” 

“My group members and I,” he explained. “We all came here together.”

“So you’re close?”

He nodded. “We’ve been together for so long they’re more than just group mates at this point. They’re more than friends, even. I consider them my brothers.”

I completely understood. I’ve been best friends with Michelle since our high school days and all throughout college. We’ve been friends through her going to med school and me starting out as a nurse. 

“That’s wonderful to hear.”

“What is?” 

“That you have a group of people who you not only work with, but like and trust.”

“It’s like a gift, you know? I joined the group last, and we all have different personalities. But they accepted me and encouraged me. I don’t know what I would be, where I would be, without them.”

I was struck by the sincerity in his voice. He really means what he’s saying. What a privilege it must be to have someone like him in their lives. 

“You’re all very lucky to have one another.” 

I meant what I said. I envied the permanence of their relationship, a luxury I didn’t have many of. 

He surprised me by taking my elbow gently, guiding me to one part of the square, where a pianist, cellist, and violinist were playing. There was a crowd gathered around them. By the time we were within earshot, I was able to hear the closing notes to the ‘Beauty and the Beast’ theme. 

When it was finished, Felip and I clapped along with the other onlookers. 

It wasn’t long before they started their next piece, and it took only half a second for me to identify the music. I should know it. It’s always been one of my favorites. I looked over to Felip to see him fully ensconced, his eyes closed, and wondered if this was how he looked when he performed. 

Light caressed his high cheekbones, his skin glowing a golden brown under the fairy lights. His gaze was soft as he took in the scene in front of him, his brows drawn in concentration. His lips parted slightly as he took a breath, and I suddenly felt lightheaded. 

I blinked a few times to get my bearing, but it didn’t work. In the pit of my stomach came a familiar ache, and it made my spine stiffen as I recognized it for what it was. 

Longing. I felt a longing so deep and so heavy, it brought tears to my eyes. 

Who is this man and why was he here? Is there a greater purpose to us meeting or was it just for this moment?

I wanted to ask the questions but the words were struck in my throat. Vaguely, I heard the music still playing, my heartbeat rising and falling along with the notes. Awareness prickled at my skin, and I had to remind myself to breathe. 

As if he could feel my gaze on him, he turned and looked at me. Without saying a word, he led me to one corner, where he put the bag he was holding down. He then turned to me, an unreadable look on his face, and held out a hand. 

“Would you dance with me?”

---

Ken

As soon as the opening notes to ‘Moon River’ came on, I closed my eyes. I love this song. Every time I hear it, it never fails to conjure feelings of nostalgia, of melancholy, and of bittersweet yearning. I’d only watched ‘Breakfast at Tiffany’s’ once, but this piece had stayed with me since. 

When I looked at Isabelle, I was half expecting her to be as lost in this music as I was. Instead, I saw her looking at me, her eyes soft and misty. 

I didn’t have to ask her how she was feeling. I was feeling the same exact thing. 

I led her by the elbow, and she didn’t resist. I placed the bag of pastries down before I stood back up and faced her, my hand open. 

“Would you dance with me?”

She didn’t give an answer but placed her hand in mine. I led her back out to the square, where other couples were also dancing. Placing a hand on the small of her back, I pulled her closer as I began to sway side to side. 

At first, she was just following, tension evident in her steps. But soon, she was resting her head on my chest, her hand securely clasped in mine, her eyes closed. 

There was something about this place, this music, and this woman that opened me up in a way that I haven’t felt my whole life. The closest feeling perhaps is when I’m onstage, and even that paled in comparison to this. 

I think I understand now, everything that Pablo writes about. I thought I knew, having been in love before, but it seems I still had a lot to learn. 

I’ve danced countless times before, but not like this. I rested my chin on her head and allowed myself to enjoy the feel of her in my arms. 

When the music ended, she lifted her face, a question in her eyes. Wordlessly, I led her towards the closest side street, away from prying eyes. She had offered no opposition, her hand still trustingly clutched in mine, not pulling away, unlike the first time I reached for her. 

The narrow street was only lit by a dim lamp, but it didn’t matter. I can see her face even with my eyes closed. I smoothed a hand over her hair, brushing it back, its strands feeling like silk in my hand. She blinked at me, as if unsure of what to say. I could still hear the music playing in the background, but all I could focus on was her lips, my heartbeat ringing in my ears. Adrenaline rushed through my veins the same way it always did before I perform. Her scent washed over and around me, just one more thing meant to destroy my resistance.

“I would really like to kiss you,” I said softly, “but I don’t want to cross any…”

She reached out a hand to touch my face, her thumb brushing over my cheek, much like I did mere hours ago, in front of the pastry shop. Her eyes were fixed on my lips, her other hand over where my heart is. I cupped her face, my eyes searching hers, and saw only the same emotion that I’m feeling.

I pulled her closer, bent my head down, and took her lips in mine. 

---

Isabelle

I felt him pull me close, his hand on my back strong and confident, as his lips descended on mine. I closed my eyes as sensation after sensation assaulted my senses, the smell and taste of him overwhelming. His kiss was gentle, leisurely, as if I was a feast to be relished. He licked my bottom lip, and my mouth opened, allowing his tongue entry. 

The moment our tongues met, I felt my whole body come to life, and I pressed myself against him to get closer. I could feel his heart beating under my hand, its rhythm echoing my own. His hand moved from my face to my neck, his touch as gentle as the fluttering of a bird’s wing. He shuddered as our breaths mingled, our kiss deepening still. He nipped at my lower lip, and I sighed. 

It seems I’d forgotten what passion felt like. 

I wrapped my arms around his neck as he took a sharp intake of breath, the kiss intensifying. It was as if he was expressing with his lips words that he hasn’t yet found a way to say. I felt the whole world melt away, uncaring about tomorrow. Right now, all that mattered was this. I opened my eyes to see his closed, as lost in this moment as I am. His hand wandered restlessly on my back, settling on my waist, fingers pressing with need. 

By the time he pulled away, my body felt like it was on fire. He rested his forehead on mine, and our gazes met. His thumb rubbed over my lips, a small smile playing at the corner of his mouth. 

“You’re beautiful.” 

He said it so simply, as if it was fact. I looked away. I know what I am and what I’m not. I’ve never been a beauty. Cute, sometimes. Exotic, at best. But I’ve never been called beautiful. I’ve never felt beautiful.

“Don’t do that,” I chided. “We promised not to lie.”

“I’m not lying.” He lifted my face to look into my eyes. “You just felt what I felt, right?”

I nodded as he placed a kiss on my forehead and then my nose. He brushed a hand down my hair , his lower lip caught in his teeth. I couldn’t tear my gaze away from the sight, and he chuckled knowingly. 

“You need to stop looking at me like that or we’ll be out here kissing all night.” 

He took my hand, and we started walking back out to the square, the bag he had placed down still where he had put it. He reclaimed it and then turned to me. 

“Isa,” he said. Not Izzy. Not Isabelle. I liked the way the sound rolled off his tongue. No one has called me ‘Isa’ before. “Do you work tomorrow?”

“I do.” I gave him a rueful smile. 

I pulled my phone out, noticed a couple of missed calls from Michelle and checked the time. It was already past ten. My sojourn seems to be coming to an end. 

“Thank you for such an amazing time,” I heard him say. 

I tried to read his tone, afraid that this is where we would part ways, aware that I wasn’t ready. It’s been so long since I felt this way, and I’ve become greedy. I wanted to stay in this moment just a bit longer. 

The realization tampered the high that I had just been feeling minutes before. This is the part when I start asking questions. This is the part when I start having expectations. 

The beauty of this moment is that it won’t happen again. A kiss doesn’t have to mean anything, and I’m grown enough to be able to enjoy it without reading more into it than what it is. 

There’s been no promises made between us. No guarantees. All he asked for was some time to see the city together. 

That’s all. That’s it. 

There was no need to ask about anything else. There was no need to want anything else. 

Not even for the possibility of love? 

I silenced the voice inside me. Even then. Especially then. 

When he leaves, he will go back to his life, with only my memory bringing a smile maybe now and again. He’ll remember me as he described, the image of me unmarred by the mediocrity and normality that was my life. 

That’s for the best, isn’t it?

That he’ll still have to leave has always been a foregone conclusion. I couldn’t deny that fact, and I knew myself well enough that if I allowed it, I could forget all the walls I’ve built and let him in. 

To the place where I could love him. And the place where he could hurt me. 

So I won’t.