My Journey To the Heart of God.

For over a year I have found myself in some pretty dark places… Places where I wondered if God had forgotten me and my family, places where the enemy assured me, He had. Places where people I trusted became people I realized I never knew. Places where I had to choose…

I dont know for sure, but I would bet you’ve been here too. Trying to find the Light in all of this, trying to find sense, meaning, purpose.

This morning I read this verse: “You are all children of the Day and children of the Light. We do belong to the night or the darkness.” 1Thess 5:5

Breathe that in. I, Deanna, do NOT belong to the night or to the darkness. You don’t either. Isn’t that good to know. Have you ever felt like you did? I have for sure. But, my feelings dont dictate truth.

I not only do not belong to the darkness of circumstances I bring light to them, because I am a child of the Day, a child of the Light.

Can you believe its been 3 years since I have written here? WOW… I remember a time where when I would go one day, I would be bursting with so much to write,  and I could barely stand it. 3 years… a lot has happened in 3 years.. one child has gotten married, had their own child, one child graduated highschool and is now in their 3rd semester of college… one child is growing into an independent, strong young lady who is learning to fight her battles in a wiser way.

I began a new career in the past three years, my husband has done the same. We have hurt, we have learned. We have grown.

This morning, I picked up a bible study that I never finished. I started it in July 2014… over 2 years ago. I was in a desperate place back then.. things were happening that confused me, and pushed me towards all I knew, which was the Word.

I worked on this study hit and miss for a bit, and then put it to the side when things became even more painful in our growing process. When I opened it up this morning, I saw that I had put it to the side with only 2 days left of the 10 week study… wow… Deanna, wow.

I dug in and started the day before the last… crazy enough, the author wanted me to write down some of the happenings of the past 18 months… eek… I will confess, I didn’t want to. Somehow, not writing them down, not talking about them, is easier… but… I wrote. And I cried. At least I was by myself. I despise crying in front of others.

Tomorrow, I will finish that study… but today, today, I am going to bask in the fact that God knew I would put it down… and He knew I would pick it back up at just the right time…For such a time as this.

My Lord,

You are gentle as a lamb

You are bold as a lion!

You are water to the thirsty

You are life to the barren!

You are the light in the darkness

You are hope to the hopeless.

You are strength to the weak

You are the answer that we seek.

You are the peace we long for

You are the Conquering Warrior!

You are all these and more

You are the all consuming fire!

My child,

You are the light of my eyes

You are the reason He died.

You are the joy in My song

You are the way I right, the wrongs.

You are My hands, My feet

You are My mouth, planting the Word, the Seed.

You are My arms bringing My love

You are the one bringing the hope from above.

You are all these things and MORE!

You are now the Conquering Warrior!

GO, pull the heavens down to earth

NEVER questioning your worth!

GO turn the world upside down

I am IN YOU! In YOU, I am found!

Last night I was terrified… scared to death… extremely fearful! You asked, “Why?” Well, I will tell you…

MY FIRST 5K was this MORNING!

I have been a “closet” runner for years now… our whole family have been… what I mean is that we run in OUR neighborhood, or in OUR house on the treadmill… I don’t even like running when my neighbors are awake and can see me! Always have had a self conciseness  about how I may look when I run… others passing me up… others thinking I am too slow… or don’t know what I am doing… oh the list could go on and on…I am that messed up sometimes!

So, We decided last December to run a half-marathon this coming December… I realized that for me to run 13 miles with people, I needed to conquer this fear…

GREAT! Signed up for the race 3 weeks ago! Pumped! Day before…not so pumped. Wanted to eat chocolate and cry… in that order. My worst fears became; coming in last in the race… afraid I would embarrass my family… afraid of everyone looking at me having pity on the “poor lady who thought she could do this”… went to bed and did NOT sleep well… too nervous… woke up at 5 and God got ALL in my business!

Humility… oh how I long for this! I knew it boiled down to pride…but was FINALLY able to deal with that and became very excited instead of nervous!

We had such an awesome 20 minutes of prayer together before we left… I cannot even begin to tell you all God is doing in this family as He pulls us closer to Him and each other.

When we started the race, I felt something which I can only describe like a glimpse of what heaven may feel like… around 100 people…all one focus…the finish line.  My body was energized by the excitement of the other runners… my spirit was immediately on a different plane…

About half way though the run, Abbie, my running partner, asked if she could run ahead… (translated, “Mom, you are too slow.”) I gave her permission and watched her fly… what a mom moment… It was then I became even more acutely aware of my surroundings… the people, the trees, the birds, the songs playing in my ears…

God spoke a scripture to my heart… so sweet… Hebrews 12 “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, ² fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. ³ Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.”

“Run with perseverance”…. why? “We are surrounded”

See, Deanna, you cannot be a closet runner in this race… and win. You cannot be a closet runner in this race… and have joy. You cannot be a closet runner in this race… and experience the encouragement of others.

Such a profound truth… simple? Yes. but for me…profound.

I am no longer scared to run with others… no longer fearful of being last… no longer…fear and pride have been crucified and I am free!

Last night we had our first Small group meeting for our new church. Our pastor started by asking us about what we considered a “stronghold”? Many had answers such as, “greed, lust, bitterness, self,” and so on. A friend of mine spoke up and said something I have often thought of and even shared with a few people. “A stronghold used to be looked at in a good light, a place of refuge.”

Of course many of us who have been taught spiritual warfare, know the term in it’s new testament form, meaning a mindset against the will and ways of God. To simplify this even more, I see it as anything that we find rest, or security in other than God.

This morning I read Psalm 62… such a powerful chapter… Read it here.

The very first verse…

“Only in God do I find rest; my salvation comes from him.”

Verse 2. “Only God is my rock and my salvation- my stronghold!- I won’t be shaken anymore.”

This morning when I read this, I heard clearly in my spirit the voice of God. “When your stronghold is a ‘what’ you are on shaky ground. When your Stronghold is a ‘Who’, you will not be shaken any longer.”

The very next verse talks about the stronghold of gossip, tearing down others… how often we use this as our “refuge”, our way of making ourselves feel better.

Verse 9 talks about us putting our hope in mankind…

Verse 10 talks about the stongholds of anger and greed…

There are many, many strongholds that we run to instead of God. But none of them are “Unshakeable” ground. They will shake, they will crumble, and they will cause us to shake and crumble in not only our walk with God, but our walk with other believers.

Ask God to reveal any area that you keep running to. Confess it, and turn it over to Him, memorize and SPEAK verses that combat whatever it is… such as if your stronghold is greed, you need to focus on contentment. Lust… you need to focus on purity. Bitterness… you need to focus on forgiveness and love.

God is so good! I choose to make Him my Stronghold today. Running to His arms! I have been reminded of a song I wrote a couple of years ago based on Psalm 61 and 62. If you have time check out the words.

Have a blessed, victorious day!

Heb 4:11 Let us, therefore, make every effort to enter that rest, so that no one will fall by following their example of disobedience.

Have you ever read a scripture, underlined that scripture, perhaps even memorized or quoted that scripture, and yet DID NOT understand it? You always felt like it was just out of your grasp? Well, I have. The above passage is just like that. For a long while now, I have known this verse in my mind, but only in the past 6 weeks has my spirit known what this means for Deanna.

You see Hebrews 3:7- 4:16 is all about something that I was trying really hard to get to in my own efforts… the “rest” of belief in God’s Word.

I have heard His voice(3:7) and most of the time, I have NOT rebelled outwardly… but what about in my belief?

This is an area where no one can do it for us… my husband, my children, my friends, my pastor, my co-workers… no one can believe for me… no one can enter the rest that believe brings, for me.

As I studied this passage again yesterday, I was so encouraged to finally understand it! Not just with my head, but with my spirit man. See, the very first service of the New Year, God gave me a vision of what He wants for me and my desires. He gave me clear direction on how to direct those desires and see them fulfilled. And I have NEVER had so much lasting rest from striving… However! As I read verse 11 of chapter 4, it kind of seems like a contradiction, doesn’t it? “Make every effort to enter that rest…” Why do I have to make every effort??? TO REST???

Because, the enemy will always try to derail us! Bringing back emotions, or doubt, or strife to make us think we mis-heard God, or maybe He is faithful to His Word in everyone else life, but maybe not mine… maybe because of everything I have done, I am exempt to God’s faithfulness…  Does anyone else deal with this or is it just me?

So, how do we make every effort??

#1 Stay in God’s Word with His Word TO YOU in front of your eyes and coming out of your mouth! (Romans 10:8-11)

#2 Keep people around you who will encourage you to hold fast to God’s Word and who will pray with you.  (Eph 4:29, 32, Heb 10:23-25,35,)

The rest of the verse causes the mom in me to shudder….

“..so that no one will fall by following their example of disobedience.”

My children are watching me, the people I speak to are watching me, those the Lord has given me to minister to, they are also watching me… they follow… may I not be the reason they fall but rather that they keep running the race, and hold fast to the Word.

Hello! It’s feels like it’s been forever since I have taken the time to write my thoughts down about my journey with God… This morning my excitement is too much to bear, so I must get it out of my system!

I studied James 1:12-15 this morning… This passage of scripture has always been an “OUCH” for me… but this morning it definitely had more punch!

I have been working on memorizing Psalm 103 for sometime now… so as I read verses 13-15 the Holy Spirit lined the two passages up for me…Look at this.

James 1:13-15 When tempted, no one should say, “God is tempting me.” For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full grown gives birth to death.

Psalm 103:2-5 Praise the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits- who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.

Do you see it? If not, let me help you out… God satisfies our desires… see He put the original craving for Him and His ways, in us… He satisfies our desires with GOOD, lasting, youth renewing, life giving things!!!  Satan… well, guess what? He satisfies them too.  Yep, he sure does… but let me tell you from experience, he will satisfy them temporarily, with HORRID, destroying, death giving things!  Think back in your life, where you have allowed your desires to drag you down a path that God was not on… what was the result? Mine? Death. Always death.  Something dies… relationships, health, Fellowship with God, trust, worship, self image… the list could go on and on… and does unless we decide to apply Psalm 103!  God forgives all of that! And according to 2 Cor 1:9… He raises the dead! What areas do we need the Resurrection power of Christ? We can choose life today!  Praise the LORD, O my soul; All my inmost being, PRAISE HIS HOLY NAME!!

Hello friends and blog readers! I apologize that it has been so long since I have taken the time to sit and write! Things continue on a fast pace around here and even though I have things I would like to share, I cannot often find the time.

However! Yesterday something happened and I just had, HAD to share!

I have a small IPOD shuffle that I have owned for 4 years now. Tony has one as well and carries his with him to work so that he can listen to the Word through song and be encouraged in a very discouraging world. On Wednesday morning I had the idea (I believe it was God’s idea) for me to fill my ipod up with sermons for him to take to work as well.  I sat down and for about 7 minutes filled up my Ipod with 8 hours of sermons. 

Later that night he got home and said that it never worked, it would blink on and off but never play. So, having this happen before, I sat down on Thursday to restore my Ipod to factory settings.

As I went through the motions I had forgotten that I had named my Ipod “Deanna Joy”.  When I hit the “Restore” button, a box comes up and says “Restoring Deanna Joy”.  

immediately, I think of Psalm 23 the end of verse 2 “He restores MY soul.”   WOW, I have had a very very busy couple of months, the last couple of weeks have been even busier and I needed the “restoration” that He offers. 

God quickly reminded me that the way He restores me is for me to take His Word, meditate on it, confess it, AND for me, write it down. 

The Word  is what He uses over and over in my life… His restoration is only a page away, all I have to do is sit down and let the process begin.

So thankful!

Check this out!

O, Lord my mind cannot fathom this thought,

My heart cannot understand this love;

How Christ knew what He would suffer,

Knew how He would die.

And still, He came.

See, my mind is so selfish,

My heart ever-changing,

My sincerity in question,

And still, He came.

Came for me a human,

Stained with sin, bound in chains.

My life was in rebellion.

And still, He came.

Came out of love so divine,

Washed me clean, shattered my chains,

Came at just the right time,

Yes, He still, came.

Keep this ever before me,

Your cross, Your pain.

Knowing, had I been the only one,

I could still say, “He came.”

Please watch this video about what He did for us.