The Mindmap of Donna

I’ve been doing some serious thinking over the past couple of days. 

Not that I don’t anyway, to be honest I probably over think and plan my future so far ahead I miss out on the hear and now. 

So I took the bull by the horns, and instead of wanting to play the guitar well and then putting up barriers as to why I shouldn’t/couldn’t … I just did it…I didn’t plan it…I just unzipped it, plugged it in and played (thanks to Rocksmith game may I add).

I played for three hours.

Three hours?! I only stopped cos my hands were hurting! 

Each time I play Yammy (that is my axe’s name of course, every good guitar has a name!)   I fall in love with her again. 
  Isn’t she beautiful!  
10 years I’ve had this, and never really learned to play the thing properly. What a waste!

Even 10mins a day and I’ll get better.    

I’ll be more on the road to “rockstar-Dom ” This way rather than leaving it for months and forgetting everything I learned.    
Buts that’s gonna change! 

And so are a lot of things. 

One day at a time tho chaps.

No more of this planning things to the eyeballs then realising they are unattainable goals for a long time then getting depressed because I can’t do them… I can’t live in the future and dismiss the present.

Because now IS a present. A gift of time that we won’t get back and will only feel regret if we don’t use it. 

So NO I won’t put EVERY penny away for a rainy day, I’ll go somewhere I’ve never been before today and enjoy it. 

Otherwise we lose sight of what’s right in front of us.

Life. And it’s meant for living.

Not worrying about. 

So that spare £5 in your purse you were gonna save for a rainy day or towards that …(insert savings goal) …treat yourself. You’ll appreciate it. 

Go on. 

The realization of the fact that when I started this blog…pffff…a while ago, I didn’t really have ANY IDEA what to do with it. I’ve done my research and some revision and got back on the wagon.

How silly of me to think that you couldn’t live without my knowledge and opinion on all that is mundane and madness in my world as well as yours. Now I guess I should lay down a warning, I am very random at times, down right silly and have a case of film and music tourettes that I have been told is incurable and highly entertaining, so I thought I’d allow it to stay.

I wont get into a catch up session , even though it is the official Back to the future year…ahem…it’s been a while and I might lose both yours and my own attention, so let’s just get on with the now.

First off its Friday, and as always I have the age old routine as I’m sure all of us 9-5 Monday-Friday folk adore:

The I’m-gonna-stay-up-as-late-as-possible-and-do-whatever-I-want-but-fall-asleep-early Friday thing.

The second I pull away from my workplace car park, I have a sense of ease. The music is on at least double the volume it is when I drove there, Capital One Extra instead of Radio 1 and the MPH gauge is…an inch or so further round the dial. Once through the door shoes are on the rack in a far more haphazard way, PJ’s on and the world is put to rights again. Everything I have dreamt of to do on this sacred day has been put on a mental list ready to be ticked off as of 6.01pm and the list will never be completed.

Don’t get me wrong, some weekends I have all intentions to cover at least half of it and sometimes I’m far more spontaneous and refer to another list my subconscious makes up as it goes along. But especially on a Friday,  Think the body is on a slow shut down, starting with a surge of excitement, ease, soothing, fulfilment then runs on reserves to completely zonked out and dead to the world.

We have to show we posses every iota of will and stamina to extend our day as much as possible to make up for the week night of early bed time or over-thought to work-week stresses….all dissolved after clocking out time…and the true relaxation point when bum hits sofa or lips tough wine/pint glass.

Ahhh…what bliss that is.

Every one ready to learn, ready  to absorb,  ready to read.

I haven’t read in a very , long time, so long I’m actually quite embarrassed about it.  I would dodge  most reasons to read mostly through lack of effort. Not through lack of wanting to….no no, I lie, probably through lack of wanting to as well.  For some reason I saw it as a huge annoyance to sit down and try to delve into the depths of a book I may or may not enjoy, almost labeling it as a loss before I’d even started…naughty I know. But in all honesty I remember loving reading books and being able to imagine these new and creative worlds and even to join the characters within this strange place where anything can happen.

The library is the one place everyone just leaves you be. You can browse where you like when you like (opening times permitting) and not be judged.  You can study, you can escape,  you can understand, but you must be quiet. Like an all – accepting church of knowledge; all are welcome, all ages, religions, creeds, origins, in a common bond of discovery. ..
Which is where I am now. Milton Keynes library,  dated yes, but still with an abundance of reading materials and media for any avid discoverer of the written word, image, and video.

It didn’t take me long to find some good reads from the look of their covers, most of the decision is deciding if those 200-600 bound items will keep my attention for longer then 10 minutes.
Within 45 minutes I have read up on symptoms and ways to aid boosting self-esteem, the diary of an expectant father and looked at photography from the first and second world wars. Phew!
But what shall I take with me?

I feel like David Attenborough,  scoping out possible reads, skimming over the blurbs and distinguishing it’s suitability for further exploration. ..” and now, this plastic bound book on journeys around Britain,  competes for it alpha status within the affections of this, to-be avid reader. Let us watch as they are observed by her,  with great care…but will she choose the new edition,  or this rugged 1998 version..”

Well, for me happiness would revolve around the old “Hakuna Matata”…No worries. There are always some kinds of worries, mostly involving money, and true happiness would be an ability to know that I wouldn’t have to worry about anything anymore.
That I’m going to move out into a lovely place with Chris in the not too distant future, that I can afford to do so, that I can push for my Graphic design job Full-time, that my children will be healthy and happy, that my family will continue to love me, and that possibilities will remain to be positive rather than negative maybes.
People who see me at work, or my friends would say I was naturally happy, however I would see myself as a worried person, whose conceptions of adult life have been tainted by what should be done rather than what could be done and what I’m able to do.
I seem to put barriers up to protect myself just incase things go wrong, and sometimes I feel I miss out, which doesn’t help but adds to my worries.

The time I would say I have been the happiest, was probably at university. As much as I was a lowly student buying reduced items from sainsburys and using student discount for everything available, I was the most affluent and the most empowered than I have been in my entire life. I had my first “Big” room, which i filled with all the stuff I could never have had at my family home, I went out when I liked, I spent my money on what I liked (not all of them good choices, but I was able to do it opinion free!) ATE what I liked…I became myself there…and I met the love of my life there.
Huge points in my life where I took leaps of faith…and survived.

I feel more happiness when I’m make others happy, and the last time I truly felt this way was my Mum’s birthday. She had always wanted to see a West End Show, in the west end…so i did it for her. We went to see Wicked at the London Victoria , had dinner and lots of booze. When I presented her with the tickets her face lit up, she couldn’t stop smiling and for the whole time up until we went on the trip she was gushing to friends and family about her present. An event that someone wont forget.
Thats happiness.

As an only child I’ve been used to being on my own, but still, that wasn’t being alone. Oh no, I had imaginary friends, toys by the box load, and family always around. But still loney.

Its difficult to explain as sometimes its a feeling that occurs when you can be surrounded by people, at a party, or amongst friends.

Its a feeling and the knowledge that some of the people around you don’t understand you, and that the connections between you aren’t as strong or are fading. This can be from something as simple as you’ve grown older and you and your best friend from primary school and yourself don’t have that much in common anymore or you are unable to spend the sufficient amount of time with someone to enable that bond and connection to really know each other, and its difficult for you to understand why. Unfortunately sometimes thats just how it is.

Being able to be happy in your own company is a big skill you should learn as an adult. Many people can do this already, and I’d love to admit I have it down to a tee, but no I dont. 

I too am hanging to the adolescent notion that I should be out doing things all the time, experiencing things and being around people, having a good time hanging out , having fun in general. The knowledge that you should savour your younger years, cruelly, only becomes apparent when it has passed you by. The burden of bills, work, family (not necessarily in the negative sense but in terms of responsibility) and adult life including all that comes with it.

Do not let it get you down.

If you want to go and jump in muddy puddles with the kids but you have that ironing to do, fuck it, go out and do it. That experience will build that bond between you and the children, its what you wanted and the best thing is its fun! I’m not saying if its raining leave the office and get soaked, i’m not sure your boss will be too pleased, but sometimes by over thinking things it makes them worse. Make peace with what you have to do in life, bills and such like , but don’t let it get you down. 

Snuggle that teddy, watch that Rom-com, punch that bag, run that treadmill, bake that cake and eat it (not all of it, sharing is caring) just make sure the time you get with people is good quality, and that romance your getting over, thats okay, you will get over it. You miss them? Thats okay to miss them. They’ll miss you too (yes even if they hate your guts, they will reminisce about you), you did something bad (hopefully not too bad, I don’t condone that shit), get over it, forgive yourself and get on with improving it. Most of our time is spent through guilt and wishing time away. That friend you wanted to talk to ages ago, but you were too tired or worked late, pick up the phone (Not facebook, not twitter, vocalise with someone!), meet them for lunch, at the least send them a text, let them know you want that connection, as a human they will want that connection too, they will appreciate it. If they want that connection, they will answer, if not, move on. How many billion people are there in the world.

We are a nation desperate for connections, look at how many friend requests we get on facebook and how amazing we feel when our amount of “friends” go up….but are they friends? No, and we think they are. We lose sight of what friends are now and real connections are important.

So make a connection, build that bond, pet your dog, hug your mother, wave at that stranger, kiss your partner, call your friend.

Its okay to be alone…but in reality there is always someone close by.

Be happy with who you are and dont worry so much.

Be on your own for a bit and build a connection with yourself. Know what you want, who you are (not what you do, that doesn’t define you)Thats the first and best connection you should make…then work your way forward from there.

(p.s A film that inspired me to write this was “Eat, Pray, Love”. Enjoy)

Dx

I approached the day with my glass half full and had it overflowing by 2pm.

The amount of talent and inspiration that filled the rooms of the Queen Mary, London University was of huge proportions, enlightening and encouraging the array of young people who flocked there for that light bulb moment: either to have the light flicked on for the first time, or to have their artistic areas illuminated once more.

Guest Speakers included the likes of Fred Bolza (Vice President, Strategy and Innovation at Sony Music), Jim Broughton (Head of International Engagement at The Natural History Museum), Hamish Nicklin (Director of Agency Sales at Google) and Tom Chant (Head of Customer Innovation at Telefonica 02).

All four of the guest speakers gave impactful advice and guidance for the listeners, and clearing the air of any fears that young teens and tweens had met head on and how to divert around them.

Nuggets of Gold like “By not quite being what people expect in the area you are working will help you to stand out”,” Not being afraid of having a “portfolio Career- being a Jack of All trades”, and “Passion is the key”,helped smooth the way for many guys and Gals around me…especially the young man who commented on the salaries they produce within their jobs (cringe) towards their hopeful path or progression.

In addition to some important information an amazing master of lyrical expression George the Poet performed for us. His to the point and thought provoking lyrics led us through a narrative of George’s life, dreams, beliefs and aspirations into how he became a lyrical artist. Truly a star in the making.

After a short break ( after squeezing as much information out of the guest speakers before they moved on to better things), I attended a specified talk on Marketing by Simon Mutter (Senior Strategist at The Engine Group) who defined roles within the Marketing, PR and Advertising industry including Account Management, strategy management, PR, Events management,  planning, community management and social media analytics….phew, so much terminology does boggle the mind slightly, basically trying to define themselves as more “in the know” with jargon and special terminology to make us feel we don’t know as much as them! (As described by Simon, not me. cheeky!) He thrilled us with a year in the life of a Grad scheme participant with a grand portfolio of brands and companies hes rubbed shoulders wit and produced work with, ( Sky- Bruce Willis Campaign , Payments Council -A simpler world Campaign, Dulux -Super Brand campaign and Nike’s -Make it count Campaign…oh my, very impressive indeed!)

After this I had the chance in sitting in on a session for Arts and Culture subject backgrounds with the Guest Speaker  Andy Sharrocks (Production Manager of Flying Music),who was able to shed  a new line of sight on the Events and Production side, explaining in passionate detail about working with Productions such as “The Rat Pack”, “John Mayall” and “Thriller Live”. The sheer extent a standard production takes from the initial idea to the first show are endless, with many people with varied skills from extensive roles from set design, to sound techs, musicians, cast and wardrobe were so vast that each person in the room together wouldn’t even make a dent into the numbers a real production team would equal. I could tell a fair amount of people in that room who hadn’t really contemplated this area, now had a spark ignited within them.

Even me.

My fear of being “out of the game” for so long, had been bundled into the bin as the reitteration of passion and drive to do what you want filled me with hope. New doorways had been left ajar for me to proceed, and the light had been certainly switched on.

 Of Course this does not now mean I will suddenly click my fingers or wiggle my nose in an “I dream of Jeannie” Style and be in my dream job, but my ambition is only driven by the Choices and chances that I make.

A huge thank you to all who attended made the experience brilliant, and of course to the speakers your expertise means a lot to us.

My creativity which lay dormant, taking a nap is reawakened.

My ambition is rekindled.

Lets watch the fire blaze.

If any of you are interested I’ve added some links below of the main companies who caught my eye.

But obviously I’m not gonna do all the work for you

…no really. 

You want it…you go get it, like I did.

http://georgethepoet.com

THINKBIG PRODUCTIONS

http://www.theenginegroup.com

Home

Its definitely here, there’s no way you can escape it, its everywhere. Christmas is literally 6 days away and people have finally cottoned on to it…the sheer panic of people who have forgotten that last pair of socks for dear hubby, or the skylander set for little Johnny who doesn’t really deserve it as he has been a little shit all month asking for every item in sight for Christmas…but  to see his little smile on Christmas day when he unwraps it. 

I’m half disappointed by Christmas and elated…I shall explain.

Adverts obviously are just doing their jobs, but the sheer amount of tag lines that are stating that you should stuff yourself silly and to drown yourself in cheap booze, and that you should because “it Christmas.” 

And then its the adverts that have ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with Christmas, but by having a few jingling bells in the background its okay for you to dribble on about things all for the sake of the big day. For instance the KFC advert. It sheds some very bright light on the situations that are completely stupid around christmas time, but….its okay because we have frigging KFC!!?? WTF!?

But I do like that ever shrinking percentage of people who genuinely have good cheer and wish you a merry Christmas, and smile…One customer overheard another elderly gentleman customer say to a Sainsburys colleague that he lives on his own and hasnt got a christmas present in over 20 years…and guess what, that woman brought him a present and gave it to customer services to give to him. 20 of my colleagues and myself sang Christmas carols at the from of the store, wore Christmas jumpers, and giving out mince pies. Children acting like angels as they know if they are little demons Santa wont bestow them with the new PS4 or ipad.

I enjoy the christmas party’s, festive food, being merry and togetherness.Its always difficult to feel like this working at Sainsburys as tension for customers and staff alike are teetering on the edge of a high precipice, but its still there…and we are nearly there.

I know its not over yet, but I’m not sure if I’ll have time to make a post before christmas and new year so…

Merry Christmas, and  a Happy New Year.

An early edition of my mischievous self

Now…Can you guess who this is yet? That is right, that’s yours truly. An previous edition ofcourse, but that curly ragamuffin is me. Around Six years old, grinning at my discovery of ladybirds over-running the promenade at Weymouth.
Now I’m not gonna go into the ins and outs of my meandering life, the ups and downs, as these you will learn along the way as I reminisce and take you along for the ride.
The only thing you need to know about me at this point, is that I am an explorer, not only of location, but also of life, people, past-times and emotion. I have a thirst for knowledge, daydreaming, hope and the future.
Many may see this as as inquisitiveness masked as nosiness and curiosity, but label it what you will, this is a characteristic I haven’t been able to shake through all the time I have known me, and I see it no longer as a burden or a hindrance (even if it may be seen as so from onlookers, and even to myself for a long time)I have embraced it.
Why shouldn’t a person be interested in the world and eager to learn more?
Why should we be scared to ask “Why?” “Who?” “What?” “Where?” “When?” or “How?” because of the repercussions?
Of course age and stage appropriate (-“Mummy, whats death?” -“Come here darling, I’ll show you this video all about murder”. I don’t think so :S )
Sometimes I think the more things become taboo, the more people become curious. The more they crave it.
Like diets…But that is another conversion completely.

Discovery, answers, and life. Thats all I could hope for.
That cheeky grin says it all really.