The Ghost of Helen of Troy in Greenland
The ghost of Helen of Troy surrounded by the ghosts of medieval Viking warriors in Greenland
For reasons possibly known only to Persephone the Queen of the Underworld, the Greek god Hades had dispensationally released the ghost of Helen of Troy from the Underworld.
And for even more mysterious reasons (again possibly known only to Persephone), Hades had sent her to Greenland 🇬🇱.
He also arranged with Norse Valkyries to have the ghosts of medieval Viking warriors in Valhalla taken away temporarily from their carousing in that great hall to guard Helen.
Why Helen’s ghost needed to be protected was a mystery.
As the British Army soldiers sent by Sir Keir Starmer to protect Greenland 🇬🇱 from Donald Trump were a bunch of Alphabet Soup community rainbow 🌈 flag waving pansies.
Although there might possibly have been a few fat lesbian blowhards with their tattoos and nose piercings and short coloured hair as well.
French and German soldiers stationed in Greenland 🇬🇱 were engaged in a contest to see who could sing the best choral rendition of the song Kumbaya.
The one Royal Canadian Navy Ship that Marx Blarney had sent up to Greenland 🇬🇱 had struck the last floating objects remaining from the RMS Titanic and sunk.
Who would have thought that Rose’s hairbrush and Jack Dawson’s condom packed such a powerful wallop?
Another picture of the ghost of Helen of Troy surrounded by the ghosts of medieval Viking warriors in Greenland
Meanwhile Donald Trump was taking advice from the ghost of King Agamemnon of Mycenae on the best way of seizing the wealth of Greenland (in much the same way that Agamemnon had seized the gold of Troy after the walls had been breached).
Donald Trump and King Agamemnon discuss Greenland and its resources
Greenland 🇬🇱 is rich in natural resources including iron ore, graphite, tungsten, palladium, vanadium, zinc, gold, copper, uranium and oil.
Onshore northeast Greenland 🇬🇱 contains around 31 billion barrels of oil in hydrocarbons similar to the U.S.’s entire volume of crude oil reserves.
It is also rich in the minerals known as the rare earth elements essential for batteries, electric vehicles and computer chips.
To say nothing of Greenland’s absolute strategic importance in controlling the trade routes and shipping lanes of the Arctic Ocean.
Donald Trump was also taking advice from the ghost of Ulysses (the man who conceived the idea of the Trojan Horse to enter Troy) on how to deal with NATO and EU troops who wanted to defend Greenland 🇬🇱 on behalf of Denmark 🇩🇰.
Donald Trump and Ulysses discuss dealing with EU, British and Canadian troops in Greenland
As for other figures associated with the Trojan War, Achilles was still roasting away in Tartarus and in particular was complaining about the pain that one of his heels felt.
The ghost of Hector was in Iran 🇮🇷 helping those who were in uprising against that country’s Islamic regime.
-A vampire novel chapter
and
supernatural geopolitical thriller
Written by Christopher
Saturday January 17th
2026.
Sophia The Greco-Egyptian Goddess of Wisdom At The Hotel Waterford
The Amazing Sophia
Sophia was the Greco-Egyptian Gnostic goddess of wisdom (who coincidentally bore a striking resemblance to the young Sophia Loren).
She was currently staying at the Hotel Waterford outside London.
She was sitting at a hotel dining room table on which sat a candlestick that had once belonged to Helen of Troy when she lived at the palace in Troy.
Sophia at a table next to a candlestick that had once belonged to Helen of Troy
Sophia immediately recognized the candlestick upon seeing it.
How, she wondered, did it wind up here at the Hotel Waterford?
Sophia had heard rumours that the ghost of Helen of Troy had been dispensationally released from the Underworld by Hades and that Hades had sent her to Greenland.
Why, she wondered, did Hades release Helen of Troy?
And why did Hades send her to Greenland?
But her thoughts vanished when she saw her heavy drinker of a son Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun approaching.
Sophia sees her heavy drinker of a son Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun approaching
Yaldabaoth saw his mother sitting there holding a flower.
A moment captured in black and white by the ghost of Orson Welles who had a huge flash camera of the 1950s with him.
Sophia holding a flower: A moment captured in black and white by the ghost of Orson Welles
Yaldabaoth hoped that his mother hadn’t heard about his stowing away aboard a plane headed to Iran where Yaldabaoth did a Jimmy Durante impersonation for the dreadful horrible Xiangliu multiple headed snake monster of Chinese mythology.
Already Yaldabaoth could feel a tingling in his bottom.
A foreshadowing of what would happen to him if his mother Sophia had found out about it.
“Hello, mother Sophia,” Yaldabaoth tipped his green hat to her.
“Hello, Yaldabaoth,” Sophia answered sternly, “Perhaps you could explain why you stowed away on a plane to Iran and why you did a Jimmy Durante impersonation for the dreadful horrible Xiangliu multiple headed snake monster of Chinese mythology?”.
It was one of those rare occasions when Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun (believed by many Gnostic groups to have been the DemiUrge who created the material physical universe) fell silent.
Whereupon Sophia grabbed Yaldabaoth, unbuttoned his green suspenders, took down his green trousers, pulled down his green boxer shorts, took him across her lap and spanked him on the bare bottom.
“Will there be anything else, Madame?” the dining room maître d’ asked Sophia.
He fell silent when he noticed the incredibly sexy and beautiful goddess spanking a leprechaun on the bare bottom.
He walked away.
“I wouldn’t mind a cushion for my chair,” Yaldabaoth called out after the maître d’.
-A vampire novel chapter
and
Supernatural Geopolitical Thriller
Written by Christopher
Friday January 16th
2026.
The Fighting Nun of Chartres
The Fighting Nun of Chartres
Sister Josephine was a member of the Sisters of Saint Paul de Chartres.
The Sisters of Saint Paul de Chartres had established a mission in French Guiana in 1727 at the request of King Louis XV.
They set up location in Cayenne the capital.
Josephine was the orphan daughter of a pair of deceased African slaves in the colony.
She was raised by the order with Josephine eventually becoming a nun and a member of the order herself.
In January 1789, Josephine was transferred to the order’s mother house in Chartres France.
That fatal year when the French Revolution broke out.
During the Reign of Terror, the order was dispersed by France’s Revolutionary government.
Although some nuns remained in the City of Chartres.
Including Sister Josephine.
Chartres Cathedral is famous throughout the entire world.
The cathedral whose full title is Notre Dame de Chartres Cathedral is a Catholic cathedral in Chartres France about 80 km (50 miles) southwest of Paris and is the seat of the Bishop of Chartres.
It is one of the best known and most influential examples of High Gothic and Classic Gothic architecture in the world.
Most of its major construction took place between the years 1194 and 1220 AD.
The cathedral was finally formally completed and consecrated in October 1260 in the presence of King Saint Louis IX.
During the French Revolution, a mob attacked and began to destroy a sculpture on the north porch of the cathedral but were stopped by the vast majority of townspeople.
The local Revolutionary Committee decided it would destroy the cathedral via explosives 🧨
and asked a local architect to find the best place to set the explosives.
The architect saved the building by pointing out that the vast amount of rubble would clog the streets and would take years to clear away.
Louis Antoine de Saint-Just, a loyal friend and follower of Maximilien Robespierre, was a radical Jacobin who was so supportive of the Reign of Terror that he was nicknamed the Archangel of Terror for his participation in it.
Saint-Just wondered why Chartres Cathedral was still standing.
His friend Robespierre was wanting to turn it into a Temple of the Cult of Reason like he did Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris.
But Saint-Just felt that was too good for Chartres Cathedral for the radical young Jacobin was filled with an almost satanic hatred for the building.
Saint-Just had his own personal gang of young thugs and hooligans that he called the Legion of Beelzebub.
Saint-Just sent them to raze Chartres Cathedral to the ground.
When the Legion entered the cathedral and began wrecking it, a young girl immediately ran and informed Sister Josephine.
Now it just so happened that Sister Josephine had been trained in swordsmanship by an officer in the French Army when she lived in Cayenne Guiana.
She grabbed a sword and headed to the cathedral.
Sister Josephine fights Louis Antoine de Saint-Just’s Legion of Beelzebub inside Chartres
Like a beautiful sexy action heroine in a Robert Rodriguez film, Sister Josephine fought the entire 24 man Legion of Beelzebub and slew them all.
Sister Josephine makes sliced shish kebab out of the Legion of Beelzebub
‘It looks like I’ll have a lot to confess to the priest at my next confession,” Sister Josephine remarked to the young girl who had followed her into the cathedral.
Louis Antoine de Saint-Just hit the ceiling when informed what happened to his Legion of Beelzebub at Chartres.
The radical revolutionary zealot promised to track down the young nun and have her killed.
Saint-Just was unable to accomplish this task as he found himself heading off (quite literally) to the guillotine a week later along with his friend Robespierre.
-A short story
Written by Christopher
Thursday January 15th
2026.
Pan Goatee Beheads A Super Repulsive Looking Uglo – The Infamous Cow Woman
Pan Goatee about to behead the infamous cow woman
The infamous and super repulsively ugly cow woman came to life in this manner.
In the days before Polyphemus the cyclops tended flocks of sheep and met Odysseus, he raised herds of cattle.
However one day the Norse tricker god Loki visited the island and with his usual bad taste in females, he made out with a particularly ugly cow.
The cow gave birth to a super repulsively ugly looking female cow-human hybrid known as the cow woman.
The cow woman was so hideously and repulsively ugly that poor Polyphemus almost grabbed a wooden stake and gouged out his own eye ages before Odysseus eventually did it.
Polyphemus was so upset that he picked up his herd of cattle and cast them into the sea where sadly the bellowing and hideously ugly cow woman was picked up by a ship commanded by a blind captain and manned by a blind crew.
Polyphemus then switched to raising flocks of sheep which was what he was doing when he met Odysseus.
The cow woman wandered across various lands where she frightened people with her repulsive ugliness.
Eventually she wound up in the City of Calgary where all repulsive looking uglos eventually go.
And it was here on this date that Pan Goatee was walking across the parking lot from the neighbourhood Dollar store (where he had just bought 3 bottles of hot Sriracha sauce that the satyr put on everything except cookies 🍪 and desserts 🧁) when he encountered the super repulsively ugly looking cow woman.
Pan threw his astral laser machete at the super repulsively ugly looking creature beheading her and cutting her up into 999 trillion x infinity and beyond pieces.
The Greek god Hephaestus then fashioned a gold medal 🥇 for Pan for ridding the world and humanity of such a repulsive looking creature.
-A Pan Goatee tale
Written Wednesday January 14th
2026.
Countess Draculina and The Stegosaurus Extremely Curious George
Countess Draculina
Countess Draculina the daughter of Count Dracula was currently staying in the great home and manor that had once been home to the Persian poet and astronomer Omar Khayyam.
She was supporting the Iranian people in their uprising against the Islamic regime of the mullahs and ayatollah.
Also helping in the fight was the Spanish vampire concert pianist Manuel de Rivera y Vargas.
Manuel had been scouring the countryside.
He discovered that the ayatollah had a terrifying new weapon.
A Xiangliu a 9 headed snake monster from Chinese mythology that had been genetically created by one of North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un’s geneticists.
Although the geneticist who created it Dr. Soong Hai-qu had made an error in his calculations and his genetically created Xiangliu had only 7 heads instead of 9 like the original Xiangliu.
For his efforts Dr. Soong found himself being shot by North Korean firing squad.
North Korea’s 🇰🇵 Kim had leant the Xiangliu to the Ayatollah Ali Khamenei.
Whatever area a Xiangliu landed in, that area would be turned into a poisonous swamp.
Something would have to be done and done quickly.
Countess Draculina used Elon Musk’s Starlink to get in touch with Set Enterprises’ chief scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher in London.
After consulting with Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster 🦞 in his aquarium at Set Enterprises London, Dr. Rocher discovered from the mystical vision inclined crustacean 🦞 that one of the ways of successfully killing a Xiangliu was to stab it with the one of the 4 spikes on the tail of a stegosaurus.
Now it just so happened that several years back, Dr. Rocher had successfully genetically created a stegosaurus.
He did so by using stegosaurus blood found inside a crystal containing a prehistoric Jurassic period mosquito 🦟.
The stegosaurus was named Extremely Curious George and worked as a night watch guard around Set Enterprises laboratories.
Extremely Curious George was flown to Iran 🇮🇷 in a stealth aircraft flown by Clayton Pendragon the heir to the Arthurian throne of Britain 🇬🇧.
Pendragon and Extremely Curious George met up with Countess Draculina in the Khayyam palace.
Countess Draculina meets Clayton Pendragon and the stegosaurus named Extremely Curious George
It just so happened that the Xiangliu was not far from the Khayyam home.
So Draculina escorted Pendragon and the stegosaurus Extremely Curious George to the newly created poisonous marsh.
They were followed by Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun who had stowed away on the plane ride.
Yaldabaoth distracted the Xiangliu by doing an impersonation of mid-20th Century American actor and comedian Jimmy Durante singing the song Michael Rowed The Boat Ashore.
As the Xiangliu tried to figure out where its ears were located so it could cover them, the stegosaurus Extremely Curious George used 4 of its spikes on its spiked tail to jab 4 of the necks of the 7 headed Xiangliu (that really should have been a 9 headed Xiangliu).
The Xiangliu died instantly.
-A vampire novel chapter
and
supernatural geopolitical thriller
Written by Christopher
Tuesday January 13th
2026
Kim Jong-un, A Genetically Created Xiangliu and The Ayatollah Khamenei
Xiangliu a multi-headed snake monster from Chinese mythology who turns areas where it lands into poisonous swamps
Another view of the Xiangliu a multi-headed snake monster from Chinese mythology
North Korean 🇰🇵 dictator Kim Jong-un recently received a request from his friend and ally the Ayatollah Ali Khamenei of Iran 🇮🇷 for help since his people were trying to overthrow him.
Kim Jong-un decided on just the thing.
He had recently ordered one of his country’s top scientists and top geneticists Dr. Soong Hai-qu to genetically create a Xiangliu a 9 headed snake monster from Chinese mythology who turned areas where it landed into poisonous swamps.
The last Xiangliu was killed by the Chinese hero Yu The Great millenia ago.
It was quite a challenge for Soong to genetically recreate the Xiangliu.
But then North Korean 🇰🇵 operatives stole a Xiangliu head from the Vatican Archives.
The perfectly preserved Xiangliu head had been given to Marco Polo as a gift by the Emperor Kublai Khan back in the 13th Century.
Dr. Soong was able to use the DNA from the perfectly preserved head to recreate the Xiangliu.
The only trouble was that he had genetically created a Xiangliu with only 7 heads whereas the original Xiangliu had 9.
When Kim found out he had Dr. Soong taken out and shot by firing squad as the North Korean dictator sat and watched while enjoying a breakfast of fried eggs and rice.
Kim also had the breakfast prep chef taken out and shot as well when the dictator accidentally spilt egg yolk on his suit.
So Kim told the ayatollah that he could send a 7 headed Xiangliu out to help him.
The pudgy dictator sighed that he wished he could send an actual 9 headed Xiangliu out to help him but he said that good geneticist help was hard to find these days.
The ayatollah said he would take whatever help he could get.
So Kim had the 7 headed Xiangliu flown to Iran.
And whatever area the Iranian people were uprising in, the Xiangliu would land there and turn that area into a poisonous swamp.
-A vampire novel chapter
and
Supernatural Geopolitical Thriller
Written Monday January 12th
2026.
Persian Demon Ahriman and The Ayatollah Khamenei
Ancient Persian demon Ahriman whispers in the ear of the Ayatollah Ali Khamenei
The Ayatollah Ali Khamenei was sitting on his prayer rug contemplating the most holy of matters in his mind.
Like how to stay in power when so many of the Iranian people wanted him out of power.
As he sat there, the ancient Persian demon Ahriman came and whispered in his ear.
“An excellent idea!” Khamenei agreed.
The Islamic Republic’s Attorney-General under Khamenei’s orders ordered that all protestors who were arrested would be executed.
Britain’s Neo-Stalinist tyrant Sir Keir Starmer (who was secretly viewing X. at 10 Downing Street namely because the Western world’s mainstream media wasn’t giving much coverage to the anti-Islamic Republic protests) thought, “What an excellent idea to deal with online dissidents in the UK 🇬🇧.”
Meanwhile an online video had gone viral.
The video showed a beautiful Iranian girl with a cigarette 🚬 in her mouth setting fire to a photograph of the Ayatollah Khamenei.
She then used the burning photo to light her cigarette.
She then threw the burning photo of Khamenei to the ground and gave it the raised middle finger as it burnt.
https://x.com/KatKanada_TM/status/2009885594072277234?s=20
Once again Khamenei sat cross legged on his prayer rug and invoked Ahriman for help.
Here was what Ahriman spoke unto Khamenei.
It was a paraphrase of a verse from Omar Khayyam’s The Rubaiyat:
“The middle finger rises; and having raised,
Moves on: nor all thy Piety nor Wit
Shall lure it back to cancel half a Light 🔥
Nor all thy tears douse out a Flame 🔥 of it.”
-A vampire novel chapter
and
Supernatural Geopolitical Thriller
Written by Christopher
Sunday January 11th
2026.
Pan Goatee Beheads Repulsive Looking Uglos and A Moron On A Saturday in Early January
World famous genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee walked over to the neighbourhood grocery supermarket to buy himself bottles of grape 🍇 juice.
As he was standing in line at one cashier, a repulsive looking uglo trying to enter the next cashier booth got in his way so he beheaded her and cut her up into 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond pieces.
Then when he exited the store, some low IQ looking moron kept trying to get in his way so Pan kept passing him.
Finally the low IQ looking moron passed him along with his repulsively ugly looking wife.
Pan threw his astral laser machete at the low IQ looking moron and his repulsively ugly looking wife beheading them both and cutting them up into 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond pieces each.
When he got back to the townhouse complex where he lived, a super repulsive looking uglo came up the path where he walked towards home so Pan beheaded the super repulsive looking uglo and cut her up into 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond pieces.
Pan beheads yet another super repulsive looking uglo who wanders across his path
. . .
In response to this past week’s Paris summit of NATO’s most idiotic leaders who wanted to use Ukraine 🇺🇦 as a puppet in their proxy war against Vladimir Putin’s Neo-Czarist Russia, Putin had once again put nuclear submarines with hypersonic missiles in place.
The homicidally inclined East Siberian yeti Captain Ivan Agonistes was once again aboard the Poseidon Hel nuclear submarine in the English Channel within striking distance of both France 🇫🇷 and the UK 🇬🇧 (whose idiotic leaders Macron and Starmer wanted to send troops to Ukraine).
Captain Ivan Agonistes’ East Siberian yeti cousin Captain Leonid Agonistes was aboard the Midnight Kraken nuclear submarine floating down the Saint Lawrence seaway (undetected by the politically correct DEI Royal Canadian Navy most of whose members were currently attending Transgender Appreciation Classes while Canada’s dictator Marx Blarney was out of the country visiting his overlords in Beijing as the Federal Liberal Party of Canada was now a full blown subsidiary of the Chinese Communist Party).
Missiles aboard the two subs were ready to hit the capitals of France 🇫🇷, the UK 🇬🇧 and Canada 🇨🇦.
-A Pan Goatee tale
and
Supernatural Geopolitical Thriller
Written Saturday January 10th
2026.
Sea Goddess Calypso Meets Arthur Pendragon
Sea goddess Calypso
Calypso was a minor goddess of the sea
Daughter of Atlas
And the Oceanid nymph Pleione
(The woman who also mothered the 7 Pleiades)
Her 7 sisters became stars in the night sky
While on the isle of Ogygia Calypso did sigh
Pining for her lost love Odysseus
With whom she lived 7 years
Then through Hermes she heard Zeus’ decree
That her lover Odysseus she must free
To return to Ithaca and Penelope
For such was Odysseus’ destiny
Far from Ogygia was far away Camelot
A city in mist and vales – castle – an enchanted spot
One day Arthur ruler of the land
Decided to visit Constantinople – that city so grand
There to meet with Eastern Emperor Justinian
To mark the arch of sacred Christendom
And so on the ship Guinevere the king set sail
Till he reached a spot of tempest and gale
For Poseidon aroused the sea’s angry waves
So that Olympian gods would rise from their graves
And rule the world free of the Nazarene
Incarnate Form of a God who was once unseen
Calypso arose to rescue Britain’s great king
With light on her finger
And the moon as her ring
The waves did under her dress subside
And calm was brought to the surging tide
To Ogygia Calypso did take the noble Arthur
A land of paradise and enchanted water
To replace Odysseus would be Arthur’s fate
So British king might not reach Byzantium’s gate
But a Sacred Cup arose in gleaming light
One that must be found by an Arthurian knight
“Let go, let go, this noble king
For a higher calling of which legend will sing”
The Cup whose Blood 🩸 not even Zeus’ ambrosia could drown
Forced Calypso to let Arthur go albeit with frown
Sailed Arthur on to Byzantium
To meet with Justinian
Then returned he home to Camelot
Where winter exits March the 2nd on the dot
And on isle of Ogygia tears did flow
Salt from Calypso’s eyes around ocean’s currents do go
-A poem written by Christopher
Friday January 9th
2026.
Michelangelo’s Vision of The U.S. Invasion of Greenland
Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster 🦞 is enjoying a cup of tea ☕️ 🫖 and a marmalade smothered bagel 🥯 along with reading material guaranteed to offend the brainless woke administrators of Texas A & M University
Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster was listening to a podcast from former British MP Renfield R. Renfield.
Said Renfield, “Texas A & M University has ordered readings of Plato to be removed from the Philosophy Department curriculum as Plato’s ideas on race and gender might be offensive to brainless woke idiots (the same whining snivelling crybabies that are offended by anything that reeks of intelligence and the application of reason and common sense).”
Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster 🦞 is enjoying a cup of tea ☕️ 🫖 and a marmalade smothered bagel 🥯 along with reading material guaranteed to offend the brainless woke administrators of Texas A & M University
Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster peruses the writings of Plato while enjoying a cup of tea ☕️ 🫖 and a marmalade smothered bagel 🥯
After finishing his tea and marmalade smothered bagel, Michelangelo put away his copy of The Writings of Plato and promptly had a vision while contemplating the death by hemlock of Socrates.
It was a vision of the U.S. invasion of Greenland 🇬🇱.
Michelangelo’s vision of the U.S. invasion of Greenland 🇬🇱
More of Michelangelo’s vision of the U.S. invasion of Greenland 🇬🇱
Michelangelo then had a vision of Donald Trump’s National Address From The Oval Office to the American People following the U.S. invasion of Greenland, “I’m proud to say that earlier today U.S. forces liberated the people of Greenland 🇬🇱 from the tyrannical and oppressive rule of Denmark 🇩🇰…”
“But I killed Uncle Claudius,” Hamlet’s ghost protested in the background.
“Also earlier today,” Trump smoothed down his orange toupee with orange marmalade, “a friend of mine bought me a vintage LP record album from 1972. It was the soundtrack for the 1972 film Cabaret. There was an absolutely great song on it that I immediately fell in love with as soon as I heard it. So at the request of absolutely no one, I’m going to sing that song for you now…”
Trump starts singing,
“The morning will come
When the world is mine
Tomorrow belongs to me…”
-A vampire novel chapter
Written by Christopher
Thursday January 8th
2026.
Dracul Van Helsing 
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