We dated yesterday. he’s late for almost an hour. I couldn’t control my temper so i just shut my mouth while we were waiting for a ride on the way to neither of us knows. he kept on insisting that we go to a place where there’s only the two of us can spend some time each other.
I was hesitant, not because i don’t want to but because i really don’t know where i stand in his life.
I ate my breakfast, went to another mall to watch a movie then ate again. Actually, i don’t know why he’s not that hungry that time. we enjoyed the movie. i didn’t know that he’s that afraid when we watched T2. it turns out he had such paranormal experiences. Poor guy, he was always alone at home. it was really fun, i think that is the first local film we ever watched on the big screen.
after that, we can’t decide on where to go next. he only have one thing in mind. i was kj, as he said. i was really hesitant…i don’t know. maybe i was thinking of my pride and ego that time. he then said that he never forced me to do anything i don’t want. para daw kasing pinamumuka ko sa kanya na masama ang intensiyon nya. that time, i was silent. it was not the first time that we argue about that. we were on our way home, when he’s off the jeepney i followed him. i said “sama na ko kung san mo gusto”
we checked in the nearest hotel. i said to him i will just take a nap. he said “don’t worry hindi kita gagalawin” i asked him if we can talk. his face became serious. teary eyed, he said to me that all he wants is to talk to me in private. he said he knows that i’m having a lot rough times in keeping our relationship. umpisa pa lang daw mali na ngyari samin i know he’s pertaining to what happened on the first time i met his mom almost 4 years ago, on a not so good situation.. he’s also not sure what will happen to his career. he has big opportunities here and abroad.
he don’t know how to say it, but he said to me that maybe i deserve someone better than him. i don’t know what to feel that time. i can’t believe he’s finally letting me go. i wish he wasn’t that strong to let me go. he said he really loves me. i know that it’s really a right love at the wrong time. we hugged each other so tight in bed, clothes on. it was the sweetest moment for both of us. i couldn’t let go of him. we were embracing each other while crying at the same time.
i said i’m thankful that he finally opened his heart and told his feelings to me. he said kilala mo naman ako, kunyari matigas..db nga lumaki ako ng magisa lang palagi… i thought to myself that i was really wrong. off all people, i should already know that. i understand him more now.
he said he’s letting me go and that if there’s someone who will come along, he should be better than him. i’m not saying a word. all i know is that i don’t want someone else. he’s letting me go, but each week, he’s planning to see me, which never happened while we were still together. he wants to keep our friendship. he wants me to keep on dreaming and finish my studies. he even wants to support and help me. i really don’t know why i’m still crying last night before i go to sleep, when i woke up, when i was eating my breakfast, while taking a bath, while writing this entry…
Posted in bitterness, lovesick, oh life.., platonic
petix-free 
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