I’m pregnant! Only about 2 weeks, but I had given up on trying so I could keep traveling! I don’t think I’ll schedule my first appointment until later- like 12-13 weeks because I have a $250 copay PER VISIT, Husband should be changing insurance soon, and I’m 100% healthy. Unless something changes, no need. Maybe I’ll update more at a later date, but it’s 4am and I can’t sleep. Omg… A BABY, guys!

Last time I updated I was in Massachusetts on a travel job! I followed that by 9 weeks in Oregon at a hospital I LOVED, by my travel friend didn’t go with me. It was somewhat lonely and the weather sucked and left me missing Husband a TON. I was more than ready to get home.

He and I did a 10 day road trip down the Oregon coast, into California (we went to Big Sur), and then through Death Valley, Vegas, Oklahoma City, and back. FANTASTIC trip!

My travel buddy decided to take a job in DC, leaving me alone yet again. I decided to sit an assignment out to spend time with Husband and work at home for awhile.

I’ve been home since, loving my married life with him. I’m deciding now between heading back out for one last one or staying at home. I know this is my last chance to go because we’ve been trying to have a baby for 3 weeks now. Assuming that it all goes well, I’ll be pregnant soon and I don’t want to be gone into my 2nd trimester. So, I’m undecided.

So yeah, we’ve been trying. Which really means we have sex every 2-3 days. I’ve been off my birth control for about 6 months and we’d just been pulling out. (I went off it because there are no CVSs in Oregon and I was too lazy to transfer my prescription to Rite Aid-  but I had been feeling like being on it for 11 years was long enough anyway and my body should have a break.) But we decided to just get this baby thing over with. I’m tired of feeling like I’m on a countdown to the end of my life, so let’s just do it. I’m sure I will like having kids when we have them and I’ll adjust to a totally different life. I have no idea when my period should come since I never track it, but I think I get it pretty spot on that 21 days. I just know that when I get it, I’m always like, “ALREADY?! I JUST HAD IT!!!” and it’s been about 21 days when I’ve gone back and looked. If that were the case, my period would have started on this past Wed. (Which I only know because I was out of town and remember that it came 2 days into my trip.) So, maybe I’m late. Maybe I’m not. I told Husband we should get a pregnancy test last night since morning pee is the best, but he said not to yet. I just peed and felt like it was a waste of precious possible HCG filled gold. I don’t have the pregnant feeling yet (I’ve always sworn I’ll just “know” that I’m pregnant… That happens, doesn’t it?) but I’ve been randomly feeling nauseous and then last night, after craving sushi forever, it came to my table and my mouth watered in a bad way. That has never happened. BUT, I think that’s just paranoia. I have a sensitive stomach so nausea isn’t really something that indicates babies for me. We’ll see in a few days.

I was accepted to grad school in the fall also.

We still have the same condo that I bought awhile back (2 years ago, I guess). Still have my same awesome cats. I still work in the same ER I do as I did long ago.

Oh, in my last blog, I mentioned JJ was engaged (who would have thought?). Well, he broke it off last month. I actually texted him about something else the same week he broke it off and he ended up telling me how he knows he has commitment issues and thought that was as good as it would get so why not marry her? But he continued to have doubts, just as he had verbalized when he tried to have me give him a hand job while she was living in FL. So, that’s off. Surprise surprise.

That’s about it. So boring now that I’m married. All those OKC dates are over. No more JJ and Magnum. Ah. Just boring me and boring old Husband, trying to have a baby.

I’m almost to the end of my first travel assignment! I rarely ever update this blog but update my public one a few times a week. I’ve traveled all over New England and love everything about travel nursing! I do miss Husband but I’m very used to the distance. He struggles with it but I’m fine! It would be nice for him to be able to explore with me so I’d have a constant travel buddy but he can’t! I knew I would adjust fairly well, although I’m a little bummed about missing out on the holidays at home! I love holiday stuff with friends too and actually kind of wish that I’d decided to take the holidays off of traveling, but I didn’t! And the girl I’m traveling with didn’t extend her contract here (she met a guy so she’s staying an extra 30 days) for longer because I was going to start another assignment and she wanted to be able to come… So now I can’t back out of taking another one so soon! I’ll survive though and I’m sure I’ll love heading out west too!

I’m picking out grad schools to start in the fall! I’ll be going so that I can get into management in the nursing world and when I get home for good next year, I’ll be applying to ICU and med surg jobs to open up some more doors for me. Not very excited about that because I don’t have an interest in it, but AM excited to do something different than ER for once!

Anybody remember JJ? He just got engaged! Whaattt?! I think his new fiancee is a bit much personally, but he seems happy and hey, he committed to somebody for life! Big step for that guy, who freaked out over having a “where is this going” conversation shortly before those two started dating. I still think JJ’s a fantastic guy. He was tons of fun and I wish him the best, but totally weird that he’s getting engaged!

(Then again, I’m married… soooooo….)

Life when you’re dating is so much more exciting. And married life may be more exciting to talk about anonymously, except I live in another state so it’s kind of like I’m single. What happens in another area code doesn’t count, right? I kid. I’m totally faithful and boring and hang out alone almost all the time! 

Marriage Problem #1. Money.

I am a very responsible person with my money. Very. I don’t buy things I don’t have money for. I tend to be aware of how much I spend always.

I was really not okay with merging bank accounts when after mine and Husband’s wedding since I know his banking habits are nowhere near mine. He has 0 credit card debt thankfully and no car payment. But he has NO savings. I actually thought he did, and he had, until going back to school. 

What brings this all up is that he called me last night saying our “joint account” owes his account money. He said it owed him $1800 for gas and food and travel expenses from our trip. We factored that in when we talked about what we would spend our money on from our joint account. However, our joint account was starting from 0, so we clearly didn’t have money for all of that from the start. I have spent $50 to this day from our joint account (and that was an accident because the cards were switched when I first started using them), aside from our bills (mortgage, car payment, electric, HOA, etc). I use MY money (we each have our own checking) to pay for gas, food, and my rent while I’m on this travel assignment.

His argument was that I just spent $1400 of OUR money to pay of my credit card bill (my AMEX) which was used ONLY on our honeymoon trip. I had quit spending any money at all after out trip so that I could just pay that off. Then, I transferred $1600 into our joint account (much more than the 50% of my paycheck that we are supposed to be putting in each time we get paid) because I CANNOT pay my AMEX from the USAA website (I’m not considered a primary user when I log in under his account- it’s a serious pain in the ass and they can’t fix it until I go home in a few weeks and we get a power of attorney).

So I left off saying we’d discuss it tonight since I was in Martha’s Vineyard last night, but basically told him that we were not paying him $1800 and if he wanted to take the money out from the hotels on our trip, that he can. But we’re not “paying him back” for his gas and food or we won’t have money in our joint account to pay our bills this week.

Today I decided to look into this. I knew I had transferred money in just to pay the AMEX bill, so I was curious. When I opened our joint account up, I noticed he took out money while he was in South Carolina seeing his friend. And then he went to DC the next weekend. Between those two weekends, he spent over $500 ($400 from our joint account- which we are NOT using the joint account for our “pleasures”). And he was seriously bitching at me about not having the money to “play” because he makes less now that he’s a student.

Look guys… I’ve MADE me sacrifice while I was in school. I worked hard, spent little, and saved up to go out of the country while I was in college. I have always had a savings and still do. I do that so I can enjoy things. So while I get that we’re married and now his financial burdens are mine, I find it VERY frustrating that I’m doing my best to save money while I’m traveling because I know I have thousands of dollars to come for my own grad school next year (over $5000 per semester to go part time and I don’t have ANY of my GI Bill left, nor will I qualify for the Pell Grant, and my HOPE scholarship is obviously done because I’m done with my undergrad AND because I’m not full time at my job, I no longer get the $3000 annually from work either). But while I’m trying to save, he spent OVER $500 IN TWO WEEKENDS?! What. The. Fuck. $117 at ONE BAR. He also spent $110 on new golf gear to go on his one golf excursion (that money wasn’t included in that $500 total).

I am BEYOND irritated. I spent about $150 for my entire weekend in Martha’s Vineyard this weekend and I’M DONE WITH SCHOOL! I felt guilty for spending that much and was frustrated that I threw away about $20 on public transportation (before we knew you could just buy a $7 day pass). Husband has made STRIDES in his money saving abilities, but to call me last night and act like he can’t live on $350/2 weeks (for “fun money”) is insane. Seriously insane. And I’m putting over 50% of my paycheck to our joint account and over 25% into savings, while using the remaining money for my gas, food, and rent here (which was supposed to come out of joint). So really. Reealllly, you “don’t have enough?” I think I just need to separate our accounts again so I don’t want to kill him after a year.

Well, long time again with no update. Sorry. Been updating the public one. Our wedding was PERFECT! Absolutely amazing- better than either of us ever expected! I loved every minute of the entire day and while I’m so glad that it’s all over, I would love to have a wedding day every day (without the planning, of course).

Marriage treated us well for a brief 2 1/2 weeks, and then I packed up my bags to come up to Boston for a travel nursing assignment. The husband came with me for a road trip and then headed home.

I’ll be a little honest here, I’m finding it to be tough that he’s gone. I’ve always been VERY independent and trips away from him were no big deal. I don’t feel the same anymore. Life really IS better with your other half around. I’ve grown used to him being with me EVERY night for the last year. Today after a day of hiking, I just missed him so much. And I won’t even say that I longed for him. It’s hard to describe the missing. I haven’t ever “missed” somebody in this way before. I know it’ll be 8-12 weeks before I see him again. I know I would LOVE to go home to him and our house and to watch TV. But I’m still very happy to be here and to be living this life and to be living my dream. So maybe I was just in a funk.

Our phone calls have been awkward. I’m distracted or he’s distracted. We’re figuring out banking issues. We’re on the go half the time. (I work evenings here and I do 4-5 a week.) It’s not a loving form of communication but we obviously love each other.

Things are just so different. I don’t think I’d change a thing, other than I would LOVE to have him here with me. The plan for me traveling has always been a year, but I don’t know… I’m thinking 2 assignments instead of 4 (so 6 months). But this is a resume builder and I’m going to be applying for a masters in nursing in leadership (so I can go into management) so I know that a year will look even better than 6 months. But I just don’t like life without my husband around anymore.

I’m going to go to bed. But I must say, even without updating my blog, I get over 400 hits a month these days, mostly off my “All about my vagina. Sorry guys.” post and the one about Magnum (I think it was him) putting his vagina fingers in my mouth. Weird. Who knew my blog would come up like, 3rd on the list if you typed in “all about my vagina” to a google search.

Almost 6 years ago, when I told my parents about my handsome new boyfriend, they asked me if you were “the one.” I told them you were, without a shadow of a doubt. Over these last 6 years, we’ve had our time apart and our time together, and I never stopped feeling like you were the man that would be by my side in the future. I’m thankful that today I am finally marrying my best friend, “the one.” As we start this new chapter in our lives as husband and wife, not only do I promise that 90% of the time, your house will be clean, and that you will never have to search for clean scrubs, I promise to support you, to inspire you, and to make your dreams my own. I promise to give you my strength when you’re in need, to lift you up when you’re feeling down, and to help you see the light at the end of the tunnel when it seems like the tunnel will never end. I promise to be your other half, even when I am not around. I promise to be faithful to you, to love you day in and day out, to never give up, to stand by your side, and to be your wife until the day that I die. I love you.

The Husband has been yelling at me (that’s not true) to write my wedding vows. His frustration at my lack of getting this done is obvious. I still have two weeks. What’s the rush? Some ideas though… And I can almost guarantee that the actual vows will be totally different than what I type here.

Husband (except I won’t call him Husband since most people don’t know that we are actually married)-

I have no idea what to say for the beginning. Blah blah blah. Mooshy gooshy. Not only do I promise that 90% of the time, your house will be clean, and that you will never have to search for clean scrubs, I promise to support you, to inspire you, and to make your dreams my own. I promise to give you my strength when you’re in need, to lift you up when you’re feeling down, and to help you see the light at the end of the tunnel when it seems like the tunnel will never end. I promise to be your other half, even when I am not around. I promise to be faithful to you, to love you day in and day out, to never give up, to stand by your side, and to be your wife until the day that I die.

Anyway, it’s 10:25 and I work tomorrow, so that’s all I can manage to come up with tonight. I’m surprised I even made it that far. Now I can work on it some more tomorrow but at least now if Husband tells me I’m slacking, I can tell him that at least I’m working on my vows (and doing a whole lot of other shit for this wedding that seems to go completely unnoticed!!!).

Life is so boring when you’re married. I don’t even know what to say, hence my complete lack of posts. Things continue to go pretty well with Husband, luckily, you know, since we’re married. I still don’t think it has really hit me that we’re married. Like, this is FOREVER. I guess even though I’ve pictured myself marrying Husband at a wedding (to come: May 24), I don’t really picture the entire rest of my life with somebody. Thinking of us being old and saggy together or traveling the world together or raising kids together just seems so far off. I can’t even picture myself being old. I have a hard time picturing myself at 30 and I turn 28 next week (holy shit- my birthday is NEXT WEEK). I definitely feel like he’s my husband and he wears his ring frequently (not at work though since his work people are coming to our wedding), but it still feels like we could just break up and it’d be no big deal. It doesn’t seem like things are as serious as a divorce. (Not that we’re breaking up, just saying.)

I still hate wedding planning. A TON! I can’t believe our wedding is so close. We have SO MANY little things to take care of and we still have all that little stuff to pay for. I’m so excited for this stupid wedding to be over with so I can start putting money into savings! Wouldn’t that just be fantastic instead of spending all this money on things I will never actually get to use again?! Except my dress. I tell Husband that I’ll wear my dress every year on our anniversary cause after spending $1000 on the dress and the alterations, you better believe I’m not only wearing it once!

I really do have my total bitch moments. I think we both need to learn that for like, an hour after getting home from work, I’m just never going to be happy. I can be 100% in a good mood getting out of my car but then when I walk inside, my mood goes to shit. I may not feel like it at all, but I guess I just get totally irritated. I mentioned on my public blog that I must have a people limit and I don’t even know when it’s full. It must be full at 7pm though, cause I never walk into the house being all cheerful. I’m usual annoying for an hour till my mood improves. My adjustment to having to be home with another person. I just really love my space. I’m glad that I’m a nurse and have days off while Husband is at work and in school. I woke up and read a book all alone today and I loved not having anybody home.

Anyway, so in my “wife” duties, I’m deciding I need to hunker down a but. I pick on Husband publicly at times because it makes people laugh. Husband really doesn’t seem to mind, but I just don’t think I should. Clearly. We’re a team. If I’m going to point things out about him in front of other people and him (clearly venting to a best friend in private is different- we all do that), it should be positive. This is kind of hard because this is just how I am- I’m very sarcastic and dry and I’ve been like this forever. But I’m really working on changing this now.

I have nothing else to say. Or maybe I’m just too hungry to think. Going to eat. Sorry for such a boring, shitty update.

Things with Husband seem to be improving. I’m on the upswing of a seriously bitchy phase. The depression-like moments seem completely gone, thankfully. I haven’t had any moments or days recently where I’ve felt empty or thought of some dark and dreary future.

I realized though that I wasn’t doing anything. I was spending my time at home, doing homework, grocery shopping, cleaning, fixing up the place (installing floors, painting), and I hadn’t seen my friends. Although my social side has really subsided and I love my ME time, I still need it. I need friends to feel sane. And I wasn’t spending all my time with Husband at all. I guess he was home for most of it, but we were just living side by side while we did our own things. So in the last 2-3 weeks, I’ve really made an effort to see friends more often. I spent almost all of Sunday out enjoying the 50some degree weather with three sets of different people and it was wonderful! I also saw a friend the day before. So it has really helped me feel more normal and more like myself, which I think was missing because of other stress in my life.

I also thought the other morning about what a bitch I was being. Husband and I will do a set 20-30 minutes cleaning together when the house is a mess because I got tired of feeling responsible for keeping the house clean. While he worked on our wedding website (which is already over the top and then he decided to add a ton of pictures to it!), I ended up cleaning the house all by myself for almost 40 minutes and I was already tired. He had been bringing up sex a lot and I knew he was going to expect it before I went to bed, but I was angry that things that are important to me (a clean house!) don’t matter but I should still do things that he wants! So I just went to bed and then was rude to him for going to the store after I got in bed (but I think that was to piss me off- he has never gone to Kroger at 10:15pm). Mix all of that into me being sick for a week and not sleeping at all because of congestion, and you have me when I’m tired.

I had a couple mornings on my drive to work of feeling like I was being pretty unfair to him but maybe I was kind of testing him to make sure he really wants to marry me (too late- we’re already married anyway). I’m not sure. So over the last few days, I’ve improved my act and we’ve been getting along MUCH better. Back to how things were! And I’m feeling much better about it all.

Anyway, I’m going to be off to get some homework done. We’re snowed in for now. Tomorrow is back to work for me as long as his Jeep will make it to my work. Hospitals sadly don’t class in this weather.