When everything you’ve expected didn’t happen. When everything was not clear. And when you thought everything was a disaster.
“February 6, 2012
… Pageant primer was unexpected. It was a DISASTER. The make up was horrible and my facial expression was a major failure. Something happened in the backstage earlier. My handler was the most ill-tempered person I’ve ever seen.”
Let’s go back to how I got into something BEYOND MY NORMAL before I go on with my story…
Bestfriend: Mau, let’s join the JPIA pageant. Someone invited me and I can’t join by myself.
Me: Okay. Let’s join. I’m sure you’ll win. Actually, I prayed for a pageant last year. Maybe this is the one I should be in (while laughing) LOL
And there it was. After that meeting of minds conversation, I was spreading the sheets for the people’s choice part of the pageant. 1 peso per signature. 200 pesos a sheet. Dang, it’s not that easy to get a single signature. Haha
That was a Sunday I think, during our last midterm exam.
I prayed for it after the exam. I asked God if He would want me in a pageant. I got
His answer right away. He said yes but I’m really not sure at that time why He agreed.
The following week, I was very busy because of the exams and the huddle that the pageant was bringing. I was all over the place.
First I collected funds for my eco wear. My classmates provided me and my best friend the money we needed. Thanks be to God. Then, I bought some for my sports wear which was supposed to be equestrian. After that, the organization that holds the pageant gave us 400 pesos to buy our casual wear.
One day before the pageant, I was panicking. I wasn’t sure about my casual wear. I don’t think it would fit the pageant.
And then it came.
February 6, 2012
Wednesday morning, I prepared my wears and went to Kukumania for a manicure. I left the house at 11:30 in the afternoon and arrived at Polytechnic University of the Philippines at 1 in the afternoon.
At 2:30, we had our dry run at the Claro M. Recto Hall. Then the stressful, very very stressful thing happened.
At 3:30 in the afternoon the organizers announced that we should start. My make-up was 1/4 done. Then my make-up artist became oblivious. He was shouting at the organizers and swearing in front of everyone else. I didn’t know what to do. He was also shouting at me. The backstage part gave me all the stress that’s why I couldn’t smile in front of the audience when I came out. The high confidence I had before that happened was lost. It didn’t come back.
Pageant primer was unexpected. It was a DISASTER. The make up was horrible and my facial expression was a major failure. My handler was the most ill-tempered person I’ve ever seen. But still, I was thankful somebody wants to take care of me. The Eco wear he made was definitely a winner. He is a genius in costume-making. He is a great person but we all know that nobody is perfect. He maybe the flaw but he may also be the one that God will use for me to win the pageant. Bless you Tita A.
Before the pageant preparations started, I was telling God this will all be FOR HIM. But the pageant primer was already 2 days ago and I still can’t overcome the anger and the trauma the event brought me. I don’t want to remember that day. Not a single one of it. That day I looked like a gay. But something inside me is telling that I did a good job, that everything came out the way it should be, that that day was great.
My mom said I did nothing great in the primer but somewhere inside of me says that everything was according to what is planned.
Today, my mom and I went to Cubao to buy some processed foods. And on our way home, I realized that this pageant was never about me wanting to please God BUT me knowing where I should be. Me searching for something I am good at. And me trying to prove myself TO MYSELF.
That is why maybe up to now, I am angry. I was blaming it to the make-up artist but the truth is, I was disappointed at MYSELF.
I want to know what God wants me to learn. I want to know the reason why He’d let me join this pageant. I believe, He lets me feel that it is not finished yet. I can sense I’m going up to the top 5 and answer the Q&A part. Although not sure of winning, I can sense that God wants to say something.
The coronation night is 2 weeks away. It will be held on February 20. Let’s see what happens. Am I going to win or not? Am I going to get the message of God? Am I going to find my purpose and my place in this world?
A life in Him 