Games We Play

We all say it...”I don’t play games. I am too old for games.” In reality, do we ever stop playing games? I was chatting about relationships with a friend a few months ago, and he mentioned that as much as we like to think we don’t play games…we never actually stop. At first I disagreed with him, them I started to think of all the little subtle things I do that could be qualified as playing games to some, just being a woman by others.

I can’t speak for men, but I know women have a gift of getting any man we desire to notice us. Notice I said the men we desire…not every man. This can’t be taught. Either you have it or you don’t. A genuine compliment, nice smile, and quick suggestive glances do wonders in getting a man’s attention. Let the cat and mouse game begin.

The I’m going to wait and see how long it takes him/her to call me Game: I admit to this one, especially in dealing with my handsome Naija mister. Once I start feeling like I am the one doing all of the pursuing and making the efforts for communication I suddenly stop all forms of initiations for conversation. It always works like a charm. He’ll call saying how much he misses hearing my voice and the usual things people say when they’ve felt as though their favorite toys have gone missing. LOL. I kidd, I kidd, okay maybe not.

I’m sure we’ve all done some pretty playful things, like…

Get a guy’s/girl’s attention just for the sake of knowing that we COULD have him/her if that’s what we desired

Nonchalantly mentioning the fact that we got hit on a couple times just to see if our significant others showed any signs of jealousy

Walking around in only your skivvies and/or nothing but his dress shirt because you know he will look, and then want to touch, and then…

And my favorite…the Just the Tip game

I am assuming that games will forever be played as long as there is chemistry, love, and sexual tension between men and women. As long as the gamed lead to tender love, caring, and affection what’s the big deal?

Maybe I

I would have, maybe I should have

I could have loved him deeper, harder and more intensely than he had ever been loved, hell, it’s the only way I know HOW to love

I would have bore him more children if that’s what he wanted
I secretly wanted just as many as he did, but I never told him that
I often daydreamed about the family we would have had along with the cute little dog

I would have slut it up for him in the bedroom. The nastier the better is my motto.
I would have eagerly played out any fantasy he had, just as long as there were no other parties involved. I prefer to be the star of the show and don’t like sharing the spot light. Yeah, I’m selfish and vain like that

If he required a good dose of spine tingling coitus to sleep at night…I would have been the woman for the job. Power is bestowed upon those that happily welcome longing members into their orifices of bliss. Hand cuffs? I’m game. Spank my bottom? I can never get enough. Bite me, lick me, suck, tease me, rub me, pull my hair…I could have taken it like a pro, with a smile and a wink, in true porno star form

Maybe I should have told him that I am an adrenaline junkie, pleasure seeking, dominating vixen that likes to take things, and people, that have great potential and make them what I think they should be. Maybe I should have told him that I supported his dreams and actually had what he needed to bring them into full fruition and live a happily balanced life of peaceful bliss

Maybe I should have told him this to his face, you know, after he had me bent over the couch. What is it about sex that makes men open up emotionally anyway?

Maybe I should have told him that I secretly fear being controlled and therefore have a hard time sharing my feelings because it makes me feel vulnerable.

Maybe I should have told him that I would happily be his wife…should he propose

Remembering the Times

You finally walked through my door after months of being away

The first thing that came to my mind was not how soft and sweet your kisses are, no

Nor was it the way you snuggly fit inside of me nor the way you moan and squirm when I please you

It wasn’t the sound my lacy undies make when you rip them off because I’ve teased you to your limit

Nor was it the feeling of your hands gently cupping my full breasts or your warm mouth suckling on my nipples

It wasn’t the sound of you playfully smacking my derrière nor the sound of you panting as I cowgirl up on your member…

It was the sound of companionship as I remembered the many times we talked about everything and nothing at all

It was the soft sweet look you give me as I laugh at your silly stories and when you tell me I’m beautiful

It was the feeling of oneness as we exchanged secrets after I shyly allowed you to make love to me

It was the comforting scent of your skin that always makes me smile

It was the bittersweet taste of love…

Beauty Personified

It is said that Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder

I gave you all my love

Minus one ounce
I always keep an ounce on reserve to give to myself in case of emergency

You were beautiful to me
I loved you
I’ve always loved you

I saw your arrogance, pride, insensitivity, and selfishness
I also saw your wounds, pain, and insecurities

But you were still beautiful to me
Your flaws made you all the more beautiful to me

I loved your laugh, your silliness, your eyes, your drive and ambition

More than that I loved the way I fit perfectly in your arms, my addiction to your kisses, and my sweet obsession with your smile

It is said that Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder

The beauty of my loving you lied in my ability to love you in spite of you

The reflection in your own eye lied to you and disenabled you to see me…Beauty Personified

Chocolate Covered Kiss

Repost. Yes, this piece will be in the book. Your honest thoughts, please. Thank you.

-Queen


You tenderly and coyly pursued me; I stripped bare for you. Now I stand here naked and longing…for you, your mind, and your heart. I know that there are many decisions boldly standing unrelentingly in your face, forcing you to be decisive and strategic in your approach. There’s no need to worry or wonder about me. You can rest assured that I will follow your lead. You know me better than you think you do yet not at all. The woman that you yearn for, hope for, dream of, pray for…yes, I am she. I hold the key to your destiny in my bosom and the answers to your prayers on my sweet sweet lips. Once we make lasting love I will release the precious fragrant contents of my alabaster box onto your head. There will no longer be a need for you to cover your nakedness, for you may take refuge inside of me until every care, worry, concern, and frustration come gushing from the entity of you. As you bask in the love of me, I want you to never forget how incredible it feels to be warmly enveloped and snugly covered on every side. As you kiss my lips, I want you never to forget how good it feels to have my milk chocolate skin evenly melt onto yours. As you peer into my glossy almond shaped brown eyes I want you to know that they will never reveal all that they see; they conceal your secrets yet freely expose the mind of the woman that houses them. Once your raw emotions penetrate my soul and cleave to the walls of my heart you will know without a shadow of a doubt what I have known since I placed my hand in yours…that we are meant to be and will be until the day that heaven kisses the earth.

What I Need

The older I get the more I understand not only what I want in a man, but what I need in a man. I’ve been asked many times what I look for in a man, and for the life of me I could never answer because it all seemed too complex. Well, the puzzle is all starting to come together for me. Yes, my inner PK (Preacher’s Kid) roots are beginning to show here.

A man that is striving for more enlightenment spiritually
I need a man that has a relationship with God, a man that will cover me spiritually and know how to both war and get a prayer in on my behalf. I want a man I can pray with and for and be able to see changes, a man of power. I need a man that can see into my sons’ lives and accurately know how to help me pray for them and develop their natural gifts both spiritually and naturally.

An intelligent man
I need a man that can keep me on my toes mentally, someone I can have a conversation with about everything and nothing at all. I don’t want to have to “dumb myself down” because he doesn’t understand.

A man working to achieve stability
I am a stickler for balance and stability in all areas of my life. This is very important to me, as it gives me a sense of security.

A man of understanding
Be understanding of the fact that I am a woman and that I go through changes. Spoil me, yet be strong enough to keep me grounded, in other words, pamper me but don’t be afraid to check me.

A man of valor and honesty
I have no problem submitting, but I have to be able to respect you. Don’t lie to me ever. I hate being lied to.


I know I may be asking for a lot, but I am so worth it because I am not asking for anything that I am not able to reciprocate. I just need my equal. What do you NEED in a mate?

Baby Fever

Today is my little man’s 4th birthday. He’s all super excited because I promised him that I would take him to Chuck E Cheese and buy him a Kung Fu Panda birthday cake. Tonight I plan to round up his little friends, cousins, and neighbors to come over and help him celebrate. Anyhoo, Kambren has been having baby fever. It all started during Hurricane Ike. Let me explain…

We had no power after Hurricane Ike made landfall here in Houston, so we stayed 2 nights at my sister’s place because she got her power restored within a few hours. Her brother in law and sister in law were also there. Lisa, her sister in law has a new baby by the name of Temitayo. Temitayo is a doll. My mother was holding her. Kambren went near the baby, and his eyes just lit up like a person in love for the very first time. My mother asked him if he wanted a baby, and he looked at me and said yes. My heart skipped a couple of beats. I have my hands full with my two sons already! I told him that the baby would need a daddy and that mommy would have to be married to the daddy. He didn’t understand that.

A few weeks later we were riding in the car and he asked me “Mommy, can we have a little baby?” I didn’t answer him. Then he asked me “Mommy, do you have to eat the little baby to get it in your tummy?” OMG! That was too cute I couldn’t help but laugh. He pinched his forefinger and thumb together and pretended to eat a tiny imaginary baby so that I would fully understand him.

While I was married to the boys’ father I didn’t think I would ever have anymore children because he got a vasectomy while I was pregnant with Kambren. I thought we had the perfect little family. Mommy, Daddy, and our two sons. After we separated I really didn’t want anymore. Then after our divorce I started thinking about getting remarried and so desperately wanted a little girl. Now I’m not so sure anymore. I don’t really want anymore children, but if I happen to marry a man that wants more, I will agree to ONE more…maybe. My children are getting older and it feels good to not have to wake at 2 A.M. for feedings, no changing diapers, no more potty training or packing diaper bags for EVERY little trip I make, no more messy burping babies or still wearing maternity clothes after the baby is born because the old ones no longer fit, no more engorged brick hard breasts that leak the moment I step into the shower, or bleeding for a month straight. Kailon is 8. Kambren is 4. By the time I meet a man and develop a steady relationship, they are bound to be 10 and 6 before I even consider having a baby, which would make me 29 pushing 30! Wouldn’t the age gap be too far apart between them and the new baby? No? Great…Now I’M the one with baby fever!

Birth Order

I love researching personality traits. I don’t know why. I am an older child with a younger sister, and I must say that I share many older and only child characteristics, and I see the same in my oldest son, Kailon. I also see youngest child traits in my other son Kambren. Here are a few excerpts about birth order and their affects on personality, parental style, as well as the role they play in romantic relationships.


First Born

Newscasters and TV talk show hosts tend to be first born or only children. Prominent examples include: Peter Jennings, Dan Rather, Ted Koppel, and Oprah. Over half of U.S presidents were firstborns. Clearly, firstborns are natural leaders. They also tend to be reliable, conscientious and perfectionists who don't like surprises. Although, firstborns are typically aggressive, many are also compliant people pleasers. They are model children who have a strong need for approval from anyone in charge.

Positives: They are natural leaders and often high achievers. The majority of politicians, spokespersons and managing directors are first-borns. They frequently live with a sense of entitlement and even superiority. They often come in two flavors: compliant nurturers/caregivers or aggressive movers and shakers. Both are in control; they just use different methods. As a rule, first-borns are picky, precise people - they pay attention to detail - tend to be punctual, organized, and competent. They want to see things done right the first time. They don't like surprises.

Negatives: They are often moody and occasionally lack sensitivity. They can be intimidating, particularly by pushing people too hard, or refusing to take no for an answer. Sometimes they can be a bit 'know-it-all', and often they are poor at delegating - largely because they don't trust other people as much as they trust themselves. They also tend to be bossy, perfectionists and overly-conscientious.

Only Children

Only children are firstborns in triplicate. They are even more responsible and even bigger perfectionists. They usually get along better with people older than themselves.

Positives: Only-borns are the mega-movers of the world. They are task-orientated; tend to be extremely well organized, highly conscientious and dependable. They are keen on facts, ideas and details and feel extremely comfortable with responsibility.

Negatives: The negative characteristics of only-borns can be tough to handle. They are often unforgiving, very demanding, hate to admit they're wrong and usually don't accept criticism well. To others, they seem very sensitive and indeed, their feelings are easily hurt.

Middle Child

These kids are the most difficult to pin down. They are guaranteed to be opposite of their older sibling, but that difference can manifest in a variety of ways. Middle children often feel like their older brother gets all the glory while their younger sister escapes all discipline. Because the middle child feels that the world pays him less attention, he tends to be secretive; he does not openly share his thoughts or feelings. Middle children may not feel they have a special place in the family so friends and peer groups become much more important. They can usually read people well, they are peacemakers who see all sides of a situation, and they are independent and inventive. If a firstborn is a company's CEO, the middle child is the entrepreneur.

Positives: The classic middle-born is very relational, tends to be a people-pleaser and usually hates confrontation. Their basic need is to keep life smooth and their motto might be 'peace at any price'. They are usually very calm, will roll with the punches and are amiable, down-to-earth and great listeners. They are skilled at seeing both sides of a problem and eager to make everybody happy. That makes them good mediators and negotiators.

Negatives: They tend to be less driven than first-borns, but are much more eager to be liked - or at least be happy with them. They have a difficult time setting boundaries. They can drift into becoming 'co-dependent' as they try to please everybody. They are not good at making decisions that will offend others. They also tend to blame themselves when others fail.

Last Born

Babies of the family are social and outgoing, they are the most financially irresponsible of all birth orders. They just want to have a good time. Knowing that these kids love the limelight, it's no surprise to discover that Billy Crystal, Goldie Hawn, Drew Carey, Jim Carey and Steve Martin are all lastborns. While lastborns may be charming, they also have the potential to be manipulative, spoiled or babied to the point of helplessness.

Positives: Last-borns are the world's cheerleaders. You have strong people skills and love to entertain and talk to others. You make friends easily and immediately make others feel at home. You're an extrovert, energized by the presence of other people and you're probably not afraid to take risks.

Negatives: Last-borns tend to get bored quickly. They have a strong fear of rejection and a short attention span. When the fun stops, they've had enough and want to check out. To some extent they're self-centre. They may harbor unrealistic expectations of finding a relationship that is always fun - and of course, such relationships simply do not last.

Okay, this post is longer than I intended, so I will blog about parenting according to your child’s traits and romantic compatibility later this week.


Over and out,

Queen





Info found on the web @:

http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2002/06/10/earlyshow/living/parenting/main511694.shtml

http://www.ivillage.co.uk/relationships/famfri/family/articles/0,,163_559974-2,00.html

It's The Scorpio In Me

I copped this idea from Diva, but instead of blogging about my zodiac sign of Virgo, which she thoroughly explained, I decided to blog about my rising sign of Scorpio, which also happens to be my Venus sign. Rising, or ascendant sign, is just another facet of your personality in addition to your sun sign. I’m not into horoscopes, tarot, palm reading, or the occult, but I do find a bit of truth in personality traits associated with zodiac signs. Anyhoo…


When Venus is in Scorpio, people are passionate, controlling, and secretive in their relationships…(Touché)

What You're Like...
You are intense and confident, a combination that makes you very attractive. When first meeting people, you're likely to be cautious, taking time to observe them in many situations.(Most def) You pick up on emotional vibes, and know when someone is into you, and when they're not. (Very true. I can usually tell immediately how I have to handle you) You're able to bide your time and wait for the right moment to take a relationship further.

In Love and Romance:
You've got animal magnetism, and know when to turn it on to get attention. When dating, you'll probe the potential mate, but likely do a bait and switch when you're the subject of inquiry. (I HATE being drilled with questions about myself) Your focus is a scorpionic hold, powerful and hard to shake. The bond feels strong, and that can make it feel enduring and good for the long haul. Venus in Scorpio indicates an emotionally passionate, ardent, sexually uninhibited and intense romantic life. (I plead the 5th on this one) You attract the opposite sex like bees to honey, and you favor a partner who is intelligent, with a somewhat mysterious flair about them.(Most def need a cleverly intelligent man to hold my attention, and I love trying to figure out my lover) In marriage you are devoted and dedicated but, command complete loyalty in return. Any who deceive or trifle with your emotions are harshly dealt with, for you can be extremely jealous, vengeful and unforgiving. (Don’t know about jealous and unforgiving, but I HATE to be deceived, lied to, have my intelligence insulted, and emotions toyed with. I HATE IT WITH A PASSION!!!!)You've got an intangible sexual power that comes from your intensity.

Friendship Style:
You're someone that can read close friends like a book, and can sum up an aspect of their lives with startling insight. They think you're not paying attention, and then you say something that reminds them that nothing slips by unobserved. You expect them to keep your secrets, and you'll definitely keep theirs. The Venus in Scorpio can be telepathically attuned, and sometimes you just get a feeling to call. (Hi, I'm Queen, and I'm your friend to the end. Hi-de-ho! Ha! Ha! Ha!)

Creative Expression:
Whatever you do, you bring a powerful focus, drive, and imagination. (I have a silent drive that most never see. I will not lose…EVER!)You can immerse yourself into a role, whether it's as an actor, a politician or a rock star. (This is the very reason I procrastinate on many things, because I become TOTALLY consumed, engrossed and hate to be interrupted when focused on my work)

The Big Attraction:
You're just shimmering with some kind of intensity mojo. The game of seduction occurs subtly for you, with a steamy look or sensual touch. There's a hint of danger with you, which can be a turn on for many. You guard your privacy, which makes you seem like a tantalizing mystery to be investigated. (I am UBER private!)

Winning Your Heart:
To win your heart, there has to be some element of surrender on the part of your mate. You want to merge into an emotional union, and will shy from those that like to keep things light and casual. (Sadly, if I cannot see myself married to you, I will not date you.) It's hard for you to forgive, so it's best to stick with someone that isn't going to play games or be untrue (easier said than done, of course). You've got to be with a strong person emotionally, someone that won't easily bend to your will. (I want a man that will spoil me, yet know how to handle me and put his foot down when necessary.) The sexual side of life is amped up for you, so your partner should also have a healthy libido. (I love sex and want it almost all the time, but whom among us doesn’t?)

Why I

Growing up, we lived in a moderately roomy 2 bedroom apartment which meant that my sister and I shared a bedroom. It was both a gift and a curse to share a bedroom with my sister. She was the typical annoying little sister and irked the hell out of me, yet wanted to do everything that I did. She still does. LOL. We were always getting into trouble for talking at night when we should have been sleeping.

One night I was pleasantly surprised that neither Mom nor Dad came in to tell their 7 and 9 year old daughters to quiet down and go to sleep. I just knew that they would because my sister and I were sniggling like little girls do, but this night I remember us laughing a tad bit louder than our usual muffled giggles. Suddenly out of nowhere I heard my mother ear splittingly yell my name. “CHANTAYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!” she yelled. My sister and I bolted from bed and ran into the bedroom that she shared with our father. Fear gripped my spirit because in my heart of hearts I knew that we weren’t in trouble, rather this time our mother was in trouble.

We burst through our parents’ bedroom door to see our father straddled across our mother’s body…choking her to death. My sister and I yelled, screamed, cried, and begged for him to stop. His face was the personification of death inducing rage. I don’t know what eventually made him get off of her, but I am thanking God to this very day that he did. That night my sister and I stayed near our mother’s side for what seemed like an eternity. My father always tried to make it up to my sister and me whenever we witnessed him beating our mother.

I was the one that he tried to win over the most because I was the calm silent daughter that never said a word as he abused our mother. I would only shoot him stares that silently screamed “I wish you were dead.” That night he sat on the couch opposite the loveseat my sister, mom, and I occupied. He called me over to him and presented me with a gold necklace with a small dainty gold sand dollar charm pendant. My mother couldn’t speak above a whisper for over a week, and had a black scar in the form of my father’s thumb in the middle of her throat. She later told us that she doesn’t know how she mustered the strength to yell that night, and that the only thing she could think to yell was my name.

This is why I…

Am fiercely independent. My mother never left my father because she couldn’t afford to.

Am nonchalant about material things. I have never in my life asked a man to buy me anything of significant value. Anything I want I get it myself. Trying to woo me with expensive gifts won’t get you far. I will be the first to admit that I LOVE nice things, but I don’t NEED them.

Will never stay with a man that even so much as ACTS like he will hit me. I shall never date a man with a fiery temper.

Learned to be confident in myself. I’ve seen the affects of low self esteem first hand by watching my mother.

Do not allow my sons to hit girls. PERIOD.

My heart goes out to children that have to watch their mothers being abused. It causes many of them to grow up with anger lying dormant inside of them.

Teach my sons to be gentlemen. I pray that God sends them a step-father that can teach them the things that I cannot.



If you are going to judge me…at least hear my story

This is only me telling bits of my story as I re-discover Queen

Lazy Hazy Weekend

Friday afternoon I was in desperate need of some pretty in my life. The sun was shining brightly through the window in my office, making me yearn to be outside. I needed to indulge all of my senses as well as engage in some mild retail therapy. My dark denim trouser jeans were hugging me in all the right places; my white baby T clung to my curves like a dream, and my silver T-strap flat sandals made me feel like an urban goddess. On my lunch break I went to the store and created a really chic/modern/classy/minimalist floral arrangement for my office consisting of calla lilies, purple pom pom flowers, and tall grass blades. It came out better than I expected.

Later that evening I went out to PF Chang’s with my bestie. She’s my sexy Scorpio counterpart. LOL. She made up for missing my birthday by paying for dinner, buying me the most beautiful orange-y/yellow-ish roses imported from Colombia, and a gift card to Bloomingdales. If we were lesbians she would so be my lover. LOL. We chatted about men, sex, marriage, blow jobs, children, schools, and everything else in between until about midnight. It’s been a long time since I have enjoyed the company of another woman that shares a lot of my characteristics/beliefs, so I felt thoroughly refreshed after leaving her, but not before we scheduled play-dates for her son and my boys as well as plans to hit up the art museum for a girls’ night out.

Saturday I drug my mother to the arts and crafts store and begged her to help me make some pens that look like a bouquet of magnolias and purple-ish/brown hydrangeas for my desk. Hers came out better than mine. Then she reminded that that was because she was the mother. LOL. Sunday I went shopping for my boys some jeans and hoodies. Our mornings here are starting to get cooler. I can’t wait for Autumn to officially make her appearance with the changing colors of leaves. I am dying to buy a pair of fierce boots!

Tonight after the boys are in bed I intend to enjoy a nice glass of cabernet and dark chocolate and mellow out to the love inspiring tunes of Ms. Chrisette Michele. I love her work. It’s rare to find love being sang about with such passion these days.

How was your weekend, and how do you intend to unwind tonight?

Act I

I closed my Truth blog for many reasons. It began as a creative outlet and turned into a source of healing. My wounds have been licked; my heart no longer bleeds bitterness, and my once atrophied emotions have resurfaced. I have come to grips with the fact that I am a sensual being. Sensuality drips from my lips and seeps into the mind of my lover every time I speak, whether I open my mouth or speak solely with my body.

I am

Happy

Passionate

Sensual

Honest

Emotional

Complexly simple

Simply complex

I am…a woman in love with a man, but more so with myself



How nicely the bitch Sensuality knows how to beg for a piece of the spirit, when a piece of flesh is denied her.

- Friedrich Nietzsche