Posts will be paused on this blog until next week or so, sorry about that – there’s been a lot going on here recently and I have been unable to put my brain into creative mode since Christmas week.
All of my prescheduled stuff has run out, I made a three week advance suspecting that the beginning of January was going to be overly emotional for me and I was right.
Thanks for reading!
Filed under About my work
Sometimes I like to pull oracle cards from a deck to help me write new posts for my blog, when I can’t think what to do naturally, today is one of those days;
The oracle deck I pulled from today was the “Rethink – affirmation cards for mindful life and daily actions” and here is what I pulled…
EXCHANGE OF SUPPORT
I actively seek and graciously accept support from individuals who wholeheartedly believe in me and my goals. I purposefully surround myself with an atmosphere of positivity and encouragement. Nurturing an empowering environment that uplifts and fuels my journey towards success.
My thoughts on this were… although the goal of the oracle pack was positivity and affirmation as well as mindfulness, in my opinion it is none of those things!
Yes it is good to be gracious, accept support from positive people and it should be encouraged to put yourself into positive environments that are nurturing and empowering – I can’t help but feel that this particular card is making a negative suggestion of “using people”.
Which I actually find rather dark.
Yes, it is natural that as we go on in life, any positive impact we have on people could eventually become beneficial, but should we go about our lives in only being kind to those we hope will be kind in return?
I’m not so sure about that.
I find this particular card uncomfortable.
Yes, most people live their lives hoping that every interaction and action they have is somewhat gratifying, but to consciously go looking for it, is in my opinion rather dishonest and conceited.
It means to me, that whoever wrote this card feels that unless someone has a real positive impact in their life and can be helpful towards them and make their lives better, that if someone was to fail to do that, that individual would become worthless in their eyes and therefore would be discarded.
Though by all means, discard the negative, but what about the indifferent? What about people that are friendly but not helpful or empowering? I just don’t feel I am on the same page here as the author of this deck with this one!
I think I would have had a more positive response to this card, if it had not have been for this last line.
Nurturing an empowering environment that uplifts and fuels my journey towards success.
Because here it clearly states “fuel my journey towards success” which in my mind tells me that unless a person can help you become successful in some way, they’re worthless. Though it doesn’t say that so bluntly, the insinuation feels there.
As I said, for me, it just feels a bit too dark to be in a positivity pack like that!
Thanks for reading!
Filed under spirituality
I do not look at life with a defeatist view
I have conquered many things
Many things are through!
I have fought through mines of people
That tried to keep me down
I have smiled through the pain
Denied the fates my frown
I have been at the brink of death
More times than you’ll believe
I’ve cut ties with those that are kin to me
Because they were not worth the grief
I am victorious as I have fought and won
Outwitted the grim reaper when he thought I was done
Survived the very threshold of Hell
Had wishes manifested from the well
I am victorious in how I live
For nothing holds me down
To think otherwise makes you a foolish mortal
You’ll be in for a surprise
For when those that treat me bad with tricks
May find themselves drowned in the river Styx
Filed under poetry
Everyone has a shadow
Some are nothing but
Darkness is not new to me
But it’s not all clear-cut
The shadow helps to heal you
Though it sometimes keeps you small
The shadow is needed as much as the light
It helps to balance us all
What you fear helps you grow
What you hate, defines
But aggression towards those you dislike
Is not the path to the divine
Shadow is often named evil
But that is very wrong
For the shadow is only what it is to you
Depending on how you sing your song
How you let shadow define you
That’s all it is you see
Shadow is not evil or good
It’s here to help you be
Most people hate their shadow
Ignore it and push it away
But if they understood its education
They wouldn’t shy away
Shadow can be torture
The more you avoid its call
But shadow can be a blessing
Because it softens your fall
The shadow makes you hardy
The shadow makes you strong
The concept that shadow is evil
Is absolutely wrong
Filed under poetry
There is music in my head
The universe sings to me
You don’t hear what I hear
You only ridicule me
You say I can’t see
The things that I do see
You say I cannot hear
What I know I hear
My life’s a mystery
To people like you
Living spiritually
You haven’t a clue
You cannot know
The things I’ve known
Instead you try to strip me to the bone
But my life
Is a blessed life
Though it may be full of strife
At least I’ve seen
The unseen things
Protected by angel rings
Why do you look at me?
Like I’m mad
Why do you look at me?
With a face so sad
Do you wish you could see?
Do you wish you could know?
Do you hope to see the angels glow?
I wish you did
So you had a blessed life
Ending all the evil and strife
But don’t punish me
For seeing it all
I didn’t ask for a spiritual call
So take my words
And listen to me
Stop this pain and agony
I didn’t ask for the sight
Don’t blame me it’s not right
I just know the things I know
Because God said I had to go
Down a different road to you
It’s frightening to know the truth
I didn’t want this kind of life
Because I knew it would bring the knife
Of cutting me down like a tree
Shaming and shouting at me
It’s not right for me to know these things
Because it’s true
You say I don’t believe you!
Living a life like this isn’t fun
I don’t dance and play out in the sun
Because I am frightened of the rejection of everyone
And it hurts
It hurts!
I wish you knew
Knew the pain
Perhaps you wouldn’t hurt me again?
But It’s ok
I will live
So your torment I forgive
Because you don’t know
The things I know
It’s not your fault
It’s how I grow
Filed under poetry
The venom I have heard over the years
Once used to drive me to tears
Until my heart got cold and stark and devils led me to the dark
I got there near the end of the naughties
Around 2009 the devils taught me
Though they tried long before then
My heart grew icy because of women and men
The devils they tried to warm me up
Keep me on the path of good
Because I am not evil, they never understood
Why did people do those things to me?
An angel in the making, making her grieve?
Was her heart too pure for them?
We will protect her in the name of Hashem!
So they wrapped me up in their red protective arms
Ensuring that the world will no longer harm
The angel I am destined to be
Trying to keep the world from me
Filed under poetry
When spring has sprung my garden is devoid of narcissists and hyacinths
Instead I’ve rows of tulips, crocuses and Iris
Aquilegias making a mess behind with malva and borage
It’s a fun time to go on a floral forage
The bees and butterflies arrive first at mine
The neighbors often complain
Because why don’t the pretty butterflies enter their gardens plain?
You have not invited them, I have often said
You’ve made no room at all
They won’t ever visit your boring lawn, if the clover doesn’t have a ball!
Go make a pretty bed!
So they watch on, longingly never make a change
Their apathy enrages me and they call me insane?
What will become of the world, when nobody seems to care?
That each little bumblebee we invite – a good life it will share…
Filed under poetry
I am healing old wounds, wounds before those times you knew
But I am healing from wounds of the ones you knew too!
I have spent my whole life healing everything that’s happened to me
Not one minute spent in joy for me
Begrudge me happiness all you want
I’ve never known it, you know?
How can I miss something I never had?
So go on and do it, go!
Happiness is fiction to me
It doesn’t exist at all!
Because if it did, why didn’t I get some?
No matter how small?
Sometimes I felt I got real close
But never fully immersed
Yet you’re probably sitting there thinking I wallow in pity, believing that I am cursed?
You’ve got me wrong, I am indifferent to life
I waddle on without despair
Understanding’s life’s nightmare
Waiting for the hearse
Filed under poetry
I am closing this cycle
This never ending wheel
Cutting it in half
Glad to hear your squeals!
Your reign is over
Your energy is dead
I am cutting the cords and getting you out of my head
I am closing this cycle for a pure New Year
Nothing but truth, honesty and good cheer!
Goodbye to you, no good riddance actually
Now I can go back to concentrating on me… naturally!
Filed under poetry
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