If you are able, it was Sarah’s wish that people consider donating to the North Devon Hospice as they rely heavily on charitable donations. The North Devon Hospice has a wonderful team who do such vital work, and did an amazing job looking after Sarah and all of the rest of us.
Our beautiful Sarah passed away on the 27th of December. As you all know she was an exceptional human being who will be greatly missed by many. This blog was incredibly important to Sarah and we are thankful to all those friends who were part of the community which gave her so much joy.
We will be holding a Farewell service on the 13th of January in the local village hall, of which there will be a livestream for the many of you that are miles away. If you want to join the livestream, the link will be posted later next week. For any of those who are in Devon and wish to attend (or for any other concerns), please contact [email protected] – the comments of this post will also be monitored.
If you are able, it was Sarah’s wish that people consider donating to the North Devon Hospice as they rely heavily on charitable donations. The North Devon Hospice has a wonderful team who do such vital work, and did an amazing job looking after Sarah and all of the rest of us.
It’s the middle of the night and I can’t sleep. I’m in a hospice bed – I have a great view, the facilities and food are beautiful, the staff are wonderful. Right here, right now, in this moment, things are ok. What I’ve realised, though, is that I’ve been deluding myself about my needs. I’m struggling to manage my personal hygiene (sorry), I’m avoiding drinking because going to the toilet is such a palaver, my motility is dreadful. I’m definitely here for another week, then we’ll have to review the whole situation. It’s tough. Both kids are home now, both are getting sensible support. I just want to stay this comfortable and then go to sleep. Hey ho. I’ll try to keep you updated but I hate doing big posts on my phone. Thank you for all your support, it does make a difference. Xxx
I had a review yesterday and I now have definite spread to my liver, one okay lung, some pretty lacy bones…
My breathing isn’t great. I use a wheelchair when we go out anywhere. I have to sit and recover when I climb the stairs. I get so fatigued – intense, brain-fogging, physically crippling fatigue, that stops me thinking or reading. Podcasts are my friend.
I haven’t done anything creative in terms of writing for months, except for one collaborative piece with one of my oldest friends.
What I did do was pull together a load of pieces from this blog. I started a series of pieces a while ago on things I love, and I chose from those and a few other things, put them together, shoved them through Kindle Direct Publishing and created a book that I’ve been giving to friends. It was a really good thing to do. The last three years have been tough, the last year has been really grim. It would be very easy to sink into that. Just going through those bits and pieces of good memories gave me so much pleasure and reminded me that I have had a wonderful life.
That is a fantastic cover, and I was pretty sure I wouldn’t get anything as wonderful this time round. I was, of course, completely wrong. The cover to this book is just fabulous, in every sense of the word. I’m a massive fan of Sarah-Jane Crowson. She creates dark, surreal, beautiful images – collages of words and visual elements that are not only beautiful, but thought provoking. They draw you in to a strange world of crinolined birds and stars and blue distances. If you’d told me a year ago that she would be designing a book cover for me, I’d have – I don’t know – scoffed. I’d have laughed at you. But she did. And it’s gorgeous. I’m wondering if you can frame a book and put it on the wall. She has given me an image that feels like a distillation of the feeling I hope you get from the collection. There are traces of old myths here, and I hope that there are new ones. Things half seen, half remembered. You should check out Sarah-Jane’s website. She’s a marvel. https://scrowson.myportfolio.com/in-the-dream-garden-thoughts-are-jewels
I wanted to share my experience of working with Black Bough founder, Matt, and encourage you to put yourself forward for this. Black Bough is a lovely press, producing really high quality work.
Matthew Smith is the founder of Black Bough Poetry, and the editor of my new poetry collection, The Poet Spells Her Name. I wanted to write a post about what it’s been like to work with him, because he has been the thing that made the difference.
I feel like that old, corny story about the footprints in the sand. If you looked down at the footprints we’ve left over the last few months, since we started this journey towards publication, you would mostly see Matt’s. He has definitely been carrying me, and I’m immensely grateful for that.
Things were tickety-boo when we started discussing this, but round about the time the work started properly, I re-started chemo. I’ve not been too bad in terms of physicals symptoms (I have hair – yay!, I’m not too nauseous – double yay! – and my taste hasn’t been too bad), but I have been drained of concentration, creativity, and energy. I literally could not have got this far without Matt’s enthusiasm and energy and support. If you follow him on Twitter, you’ll know he easily has enough of all that for two. Maybe more. I know he’s mentoring at the moment and has mentoring slots coming up.
I’ve been a Black Bough devotee since pretty early in its life. I #Top Tweet Tuesday as often as I can. To be published by Black Bough in a book of my own is amazing. And maybe we’re a good fit. I tend towards short poems. I like poems that grab you by the elbow and say, urgently, “look at this. Look at it!”. The haiku spirit of standing alongside the reader and hoping that they see what you see. On reflection, I think this meant that Matt didn’t have to rein me in too much. We didn’t strip out much. His big job was keeping me going and waiting patiently for me to get back to him. I really appreciate that patience.
Being edited is a strange process. Matt’s attention to detail and his outsider view really helped me to look at the work. He was right pretty much all of the time. I stood my ground over some capitalisations, but that meant articulation WHY the capitals mattered to me (and why I didn’t want some). I’m an instinctive writer. My process is :m
Think
Think
Write
Think
Read it out loud
Mess around a bit
Read it out loud again
Off you go.
So articulating choices was an interesting discipline for me. I think that thoughtfulness has made this the best book it could be. I’m very proud of what we’ve made. I’m very grateful to have had the chance to work with Matt and Black Bough. It’s been very special.
I’ve had such lovely, supportive comments on social media. You can read more here – and explore the Black Bough site – the Silver Branch features are exceptional. And there are links for buying it.
My second book is out today! Courtesy of https://www.blackboughpoetry.com/ and the very wonderful Matt Smith. I feel so much gratitude for this. To Matt, obviously, who is such a delightful powerhouse of poetry. I’ve watched Black Bough grow from a publisher of internet broadsheets to a thriving press. They’ve produced some really beautiful books, and their Christmas/Winter anthologies are glorious. The cover design is by Sarah-Jane Crowson. I’m a massive fan of her work, and to have her cover on my book is more than a dream come true. The other people I want to thank are the people whose words grace the cover and the introduction. I can’t quite believe how kind they are, how enthusiastic. These are poets and writers who I really respect, and to have such positive feedback from them means a huge amount. I’m talking about George Sandifer-Smith (Poetry Wales), Ness Owen (Moon Jellyfish Can Barely Swim, Parthian Press), Rachel Deering (Crown of Eggshell, Cerasus Poetry), Matt Gilbert (Street Sailing, Black Bough), Karen Pierce Gonzalez (Coyote in the Basket of My Ribs, Alabaster Leaves/Kelsay Books), Angela Graham (A City Burning, Seren Books), M S Evans (Nights on the Line, Black Bough), Alan Parry (Neon Ghosts, Broken Spine). This is an amazing list. Thank you.
Spring does its usual thing – suddenly there, like a swallow – that first one, perched on a wire, or swooping. Those flint sharp wings. Spring opens like a flower, like cherry blossom, or apple blossom, or may. And then, it’s gone, lost somewhere in the scent of roses, in the sweet red juice of that first strawberry. That bite.
A poem for dVerse. I’m hosting tonight, and we’re taking inspiration from The Colour of Hope by Jen Feroze. Three things that make us happy, woven into a poem. Come and join us.
Sarah writes poems 