In the state of Minnesota, is The Mall of America. And just so you know, it is the land of 10,000 lakes’ number one tourist attraction. I choose to overlook this slightly sad fact, because there is nothing I treasure more than an afternoon alone at the mall.
I don’t shop a lot at malls. I instead like to wander them, alone. It’s a weird passion for me that I cannot fully or properly explain. It’s is the greatest therapy I could ever allow myself.
Last Saturday, I had no child in my possession, no shift at my job, and no set in stone plans. I got in my car and made the drive to the mall. The trek is short, ten minutes give or take. The contest between the cars to see who gets the free parking spots took much longer than that. Finally some tired shopper who was exiting the building pointed to his car as if to say, “Want my spot?” I then did something that slightly embarrasses me, I gave him a two thumbs up.
I was parked and i walked in. Immediately I smelled Cinnabon. For some reason every area of the mall either smells like lady’s perfume or the sticky carb filled treat. In those rare areas at the entrance of department stores where you can smell both at once, you might as well allow that broad grin to spread across your face, it’s better than Christmas morning.
Upon entering the main hallway, I walked past a kiosk where hair straighteners were being peddled. The man at the stand asked me to come over and he wanted to show me how my horrid frizzy humidity hair could be perfected with this state of the art straightener. There I was, in the middle of the mall, with a strange man fixing my hair. I told him immediately that I was not in the hunt for hair tools, and would not be buying one today. He kept on straightening and after a short protest I thought, “I am going to go out tonight, if I sit here and let this guy fix my hair, I won’t have to do it when I get home.” So I climbed up into the chair and took pictures of my new friend.
Now, this guy made me think of one thing.
That’s right, Adam Goldberg from Dazed and Confused. Though he did not speak of his hate for greasers.
After my do was done, I thanked the man and found the Magnet Store. When the mall opened, this store sold nothing but magnets clung to the metal walls. Now they sell this as well:
And this
Also This
Especially THIS
I also found a magnet.
(Note to Self: Buy a decent Camera already!)
After getting my hair attacked and watching World War 3 on the dirty floor, I wandered up a couple floors and saw the strangest thing I had ever seen in a mall.
You are probably more style savvy than I am, so the fact that this woman was sitting in front of everyone having her eyebrows shaped with a piece of dental floss isn’t a novelty for you. But I stood there for a moment, like an idiot…taking pictures.
I ended up buying not a thing, other than dinner alone in a near empty restaurant. Which happened to be raw fish. I did not know while ordering that the fish would be looking so similar to as it did when it was swimming around care free and not on a carnivore’s plate, but I ate it regardless.
I did find a jacket. I need it, have to buy it someday. I am not sure if I like it, but the mannequin sure sports it well. I will just have to go back.
Funny Minnesota 