Haiku #100 – My First Milestone

New milestones and the support it takes to reach them.

Ninety-nine days ago I decided to start a blog combining my love of haiku and photography. I needed a challenge to keep me writing, and I decided on this format. I would post an original haiku and photograph every day until… until I got sick of it I guess. It’s been three months, and I still enjoy it as much as I did on day one. In fact, this project has pushed me to pursue my photography further than I ever have. It has also been instrumental in gaining the confidence to write the book, short stories, and flash fiction that I have over the last three months. I haven’t missed a day of PULP HAIKU yet, and I don’t intend to any time soon.

The true miracle is the ability to commit so much time to these many projects. Having three daughters ranging from four months to fourteen years is…

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How My Mother Helped Me Redefine Myself as a Writer – The Origins of PULP HAIKU

I started a new blog, PULP HAIKU, to display some of the poems I’ve been writing for years. I am also on Twitter, @pulphaiku, and would love to see some of your poetry! If you’re interested, this is a piece on how I got started writing in the first place.

PULP HAIKU

In 2009, I was going through a transitional phase in my life. I had a serious girlfriend, and I had started thinking about a serious career. The last five years or so had been spent jumping from job to job so I could keep an open schedule. I played in a number of bands, and we were touring frequently. Once the bands broke up and I met my lady, I wanted to feel more established and, there’s no other way to say it, grown up. I jumped head first into starting a career, and I did okay for myself. I was able to move quickly though the ranks. I started making a decent wage, and my girlfriend became my fiance. Everything was going well, but there was still one problem. In making the drastic changes I made, I felt that I had lost something. I couldn’t put my finger on…

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My Wife’s Going Back To Work and To Be Honest? I’m Scared.

The time has come. In four days my wife goes back to her job. Although I’ve been a stay at home dad for a few months, Rebecca has been around to help the whole time. First, she was on summer break. Then she had Carolyne, and the six week timer was set. At the time, six weeks seemed like it would be enough to get used to the new schedule. With a new baby comes the usual maladies associated with sleepless nights and constant surveillance. Headaches, body aches, forgetfulness, and inability to process information(I just nod my head and smile when people talk to me) are all par for the course, but up until now the burden has been shared equally with my partner in crime.

The timer is about to go off though, and six weeks hasn’t been nearly enough time. In a few days, I am the man in charge. You got a problem, kids? Bring it up with the head honcho, the big kahuna, el presidente. I am the man with the answers. Well, I may not have the answer right away, but I will call your mother pronto and find out! But seriously, the last three or four months have been leading up to this moment. I want to do this. I quit my job to do this. I have a goal in life to spend as much time with my family as I possibly can. Life is short, and each day could be our last. That being said, simultaneously taking care of a six week old baby and a toddler is serious business.

I’m nervous. There aren’t a lot of things to remember when it comes to taking care of the baby. As of right now. when she’s smelly, I change her. When she’s hungry, I give her to mommy for her afternoon snack. When mommy is no longer sitting on the couch next to me though, it get’s more complicated. When did she eat last? How many ounces did she have? Did she have a good burp yet? Those are just issues involving feedings. What about sleep? If I have to stay up all night because she won’t sleep, how will I stay up all day too? Do I try to get her on a schedule, or just let her body timer do the work naturally? There are other concerns too. What if I can’t get her to calm down? What if I turn my back for a second and the overeager toddler tries to “help” by shoving her pacifier in her mouth? Will mom come home to find a happy, peaceful scene with the three of us snuggling on the couch? Or will she find a post-apocalyptic wasteland with screaming children and wild animals running loose? I honestly don’t know the answers to these questions, but I think I have found a way to help ease my nerves.

I created a checklist. I’ve broken down the bare minimum requirements necessary to keep the children safe and sound. Hopefully, as long as I follow these three steps, nothing disastrous will happen.

1) Stay awake at all costs. This is tough but important. With a little baby at home, it’s crucial to know what’s going on. Even if the little ones are napping, you must be on guard. A toddler can become alert at a moment’s notice, and trouble will ensue shortly if you are caught sleeping. Once they both get a little bit older, this rule becomes a bit more flexible. Caffeine and I have become close friends.

2) Feed the children. Feed them when they’re hungry. It’s easy to overthink this. Again, just make sure they’re fed. If you need to write down how much they ate and when, just jot it down in a notebook. Buy plenty of different options for the toddler’s meals next time you’re at the store, because they never want what you’re making.

3) Have fun! Sometimes you just need a reminder. Staying home with the kids is a choice. It is something special that not a lot of people have the opportunity to do, Enjoy yourselves. Make up games or build bed sheet forts. Childhood is temporary, but the memories you make are forever.

So that’s it. If you are conscious, the children are fed, and you are enjoying yourselves, the rest will fall into place. At least, that’s what I keep telling myself.

Following Through: How I Stay Motivated To Write

I’m an idea man. By that I mean I often have many great ideas floating around in my head. At least, I think they’re great ideas. I never really get to find out. The ideas mostly just stay where they are…In my head. I’ve had this problem for as long as I can remember. I usually end up convincing myself that the idea wasn’t realistic, or wasn’t that good. It could be something as simple as a story that I started writing. I will get about half way in, maybe even three quarters, then set it aside. I have a whole catalog of unfinished work sitting on my hard drive.

I have a lack of confidence. There is no other reason for it. I start to picture what others will think before I even have a finished piece. This is detrimental to any creative process, and writing is no exception. First, and most obviously, if I never finish anything, I will never have anything to show. I won’t actually accomplish anything from all the hours I’ve put in. That would be total failure. Second, I will never improve if I don’t learn to accept rejection. The only way to get better at something is to find your weaknesses. Find them and improve. What better way to learn what you’re doing wrong than by professional editors? They literally read peoples writing for a living. Write, submit, learn from rejection. At least, I think so. I need to follow my own advice.

This year I am breaking my pattern. I am starting to come around. I wanted to get into the routine of writing more frequently, so I started this blog. It may not seem like a big deal. Everyone seems to blog these days, and the barriers to entry are low. All you need is an internet connection and a computer. Nonetheless, I actually did it. I had the idea, and I acted on it. I didn’t just have the idea, enjoy the thought, and move on to something else. I have kept up relatively frequently with posts, and have no plans on stopping. If nothing else, it is a good discipline to keep my fingers moving. Following through on my blog helped build my overall confidence. I actually finished my first short story this week. I finished the first draft that is. But even something so trivial wouldn’t have been possible a year ago.

I read a lot. This is critical for me to remain motivated. Reading does many things for me. It takes the pressure off. When I am reading I am focused on one thing only: the words in front me. Plus, it is the only way to learn style. If you never read any good writing, how are you supposed to write well? It’s also a great way to learn what not to do. When I see something I don’t think works particularly well, I make a note of it. That way, in the future, I can avoid those errors. I just finished reading On Writing by Stephen King. I’ve never actually read any of Stephen King’s works, but I was impressed by On Writing. It is an excellent mix of storytelling and advice for writers. Even one of the best selling authors of all time started just like everybody else: unknown. My main takeaway from the book? Read a lot and write a lot. There’s no way around it.

So basically, my whole formula is as follows:

1) Finish something. Anything. Following through on what you start is crucial. When you see something completed it will change your mindset. Start a blog if you need to. Seeing your writing on the internet can be a great moral booster. It gets even sweeter when people actually read it.

2) Read a lot. Take notes if it helps. It is the most enjoyable form of studying. If you’re feeling pressure, just relax and grab a book. Read a wide variety. Pick up a book a friend recommends, or just because you like the cover. Whats the worst thing that could happen? If you don’t like it, put it down.

3) Submit. This is something I have been slow at accomplishing. I can finish twenty novels, but if no one ever reads them, they aren’t doing anybody much good. The only way to get better is to put your work out there. I have a half edited draft of my story in hand, and will be submitting to a journal this week. Progress!

4) Enjoy yourself. If it’s not enjoyable, then it probably isn’t something you want to do for a living. Not to say that you aren’t talented, but writing is labor intensive. If you used to enjoy it, but now it feels like a hassle, look at where the stress is coming from. It could just be that you haven’t seen enough progress and are losing motivation. If this happens, finish something, completely, then grab a book.

So, that’s it. That’s my way of staying motivated. There are also a couple of other little things I do from time to time that didn’t make the mix. I always carry a notebook on my person. I write down ideas as soon as I have them, so I don’t forget. That’s not it though. I use it to write little poems and haiku’s. Just jotting down little things from time to time can help the words keep flowing. Take it from someone who has spent way too much time stalling. Follow through: you will thank yourself later.

The Last Three Weeks: The Tale of Baby Number Three

Three weeks ago, my wife was still a week away from her due date. We were expecting a brand spanking new baby any day. I made the decision to put away anything that resembled work for the time being. I wanted to fully enjoy the experience without any distractions hanging over my head. Although it took a bit longer than expected, I did just that…nothing.

We sat around for two weeks waiting for that little girl. Well, to be fair, we didn’t do much sitting. The last few weeks of her pregnancy, Rebecca and I took frequent walks. We took the kids to the New York State Fair, local parks, and trips around the block. I think most regular, not-pregnant, types would be thoroughly exhausted by such excursions, but Rebecca just kept on walking. It was impressive. It didn’t seem to work, but at least she was trying. We took a trip to the Syracuse Zoo for an Asian Elephant celebration, and went to a Syracuse Sky Chiefs baseball game. Again, none of our travels seemed to do the trick. Even so, all of these trips were such a blast, and I’m so glad we got to enjoy our last few weeks as a family of four.

Finally, on a Saturday morning and a week overdue, Rebecca starting having consistent contractions. Her mom took the kids and we did what we do best…more walking! It was almost ninety degrees out, so we headed out to a local mall. We took our time and stocked up on some last minute items for the girls. By the time we got home and settled in for the night, I knew it wouldn’t be long. At about 4 o’clock in the morning, it was time to go. She was in pain and contractions were frequent. She was admitted to the hospital. Things were progressing nicely. At 9:15 AM our sweet little baby was born.

Carolyne Pamela Joy Patterson was born 8 lbs 7 oz, and 21 inches long. She is a healthy baby girl. She only cries when she is hungry, and just relaxes most of the time. We decided to give her the middle name Pamela after my mother. My mom passed away two years ago. She absolutely loved all of her grandchildren, and would have been thrilled to meet number eight. After twenty-four hours at the hospital, everything looked good and we were ready to roll. They released us back into the world.

Now we are a family of five! I couldn’t be happier. Although we had to wait a little longer than normal to meet her, Carolyne is truly an amazing little baby. Her older sisters absolutely adore her, and mom and I are smitten. I am working on getting back into a writing routine, but it isn’t easy. For now I am pushing aside the pressure and just enjoying the girls. They only stay little for so long. I included some pictures from our crazy month. Enjoy!

Here are some photos from the past few weeks:

Baseball Game

Syracuse Zoo

Taylor’s Birthday Party

Some Paintings We Started While Waiting For The Baby

Lots of Walking

Playing Donkey Kong, Waiting!

Carolyne Pamela Joy Patterson

Family of Five!

Nerves, Nesting, & Couvade Syndrome: A Husband’s Pregnancy

I’ve slacked off this week. There is no other way to put it. I haven’t wanted to write. I haven’t been active on social media. I haven’t so much as communicated with anyone outside of my family. I have been living like a total hermit. As a family, we have been eating all of our meals at home, hanging around the yard in the day, and running errands in the evening. Once we are home, the television comes on, or the books come off the shelf. The only productive thing we’ve been doing happens to be getting the house ready to go for our newest little lady. Her due date is now only one day away.

My wife has rearranged the nursery a handful of times. I keep finding another closet to sort through, or a bookshelf to dust. Every time I sit at the computer, I seem to remember an item to add to our hospital bags. The bags have been packed for a few days now, although they keep growing larger. Will we need my harmonica at the hospital? I don’t know, but it’s better safe than sorry. Anyway, I keep finding tasks that I didn’t know existed. My mind is running on overdrive, and I can’t seem to find the energy to focus on anything else. Then, last night, my wife informed me:

“You’re just nesting. I’ve been feeling that way too.”

Me, nesting? Hmm. It makes sense. Around week 38 or week 39, many mothers experience a last-minute urge to get things in order for the baby. The only thing is, I’m not the mother. Does this instinct come with fathers too?

I guess it does. I’ve been distracted all week. All I can think about is my new baby girl. I’ve been prepping every room in our home. My wife and I have gone grocery shopping twice this week(and we’ve been to Target 3 times…for baby essentials only!) The bassinet is set up by our bed, and the car seat is freshly washed. I seem to be afflicted with many of my wife’s nesting symptoms. In fact, during her last pregnancy, I had a lot more than just nesting going on.

Last time around, I experienced Couvade Syndrome.

Google Definition: Couvade syndrome, also called sympathetic pregnancy, is a proposed condition in which a partner experiences some of the same symptoms and behavior of an expectant mother. These most often include minor weight gain, altered hormone levels, morning nausea, and disturbed sleep patterns.

It really happens. I gained weight, I had heartburn, and I had insomnia. I was stressed out and feeling physically exhausted. I couldn’t figure out what was going on until my wife read about Couvade in one of her baby books. It made perfect sense. I couldn’t make her feel better physically, but I could join in on the fun. The power of the mind is scary!

Nothing to do but wait…and rearrange my bedroom. Everything is ready to go, but I still can’t settle down. My nerves are running high, and my nesting is in fifth gear. Honestly, even writing this post felt like climbing a mountain. I just wanted to share these moments with other dads. These types of things do happen and they are normal. In fact, they can really help to get ready for the next step. Hopefully, the next thing I post will be a picture of a healthy little darling girl fresh out of the oven. Until then, I will clean, organize, avoid my other obligations, and drink ten cups of tea a day. Then I will wash my tea-cup.

Nine Days and Counting: The Baby Name Game Begins!

In nine days, my wife is due to have our third daughter. Over the course of the last nine months, many things have taken place. We have rearranged the baby room to accommodate a crib, bought new baby clothes(even though we have a two year old and an abundance of little girl outfits), and prepared a bug-out bag for the trip to the hospital. We have plans for family to watch the kids when the big moment happens, and back-up plans if those don’t work out. Everything is in place. Kind of…

The one thing we haven’t figured out is the baby’s name. It’s not a contentious issue. We’re not lazy. There is really no reason for it. Except for one thing… There are so many choices. We can literally name our child anything that tickles our fancy. Family names, colors, and directions all seem to be suitable options these days. I think I’ve even heard of a kid being named after a fruit. Okay, I have no desire to name our child after an inanimate object, but the problem still remains. How do we choose?

The first child is always the easiest. (Side note. Our eldest daughter, Taylor, was six years old when Rebecca and I met. I didn’t have much to do with naming her, so I am referring to Lyla, our two year old.) Most people have the perfect name for their child picked years in advance. One for a boy and one for a girl. We had pretty much decided on Lyla’s name well before she was born. Throw in my grandmother’s middle name and, voila! No more questions. The next child? That’s a different story.

My wife and I are both very opinionated people. We have strong preferences for most things, and there isn’t usually much of a middle ground. I find this to be refreshing most of the time, but when it comes to naming our children it can pose a challenge. It’s not a bad thing, but it does require a bit more work. We both appreciate classic names, and if they are family names, even better. Unfortunately, that still leaves a large cross section to choose from. Fortunately, we have managed to narrow it down…A bit.

A few years ago, my wife had a student with an unusual middle name. Spoiler alert…It was Batman. His parents had decided to let his older brother choose it for him. Better yet? They actually went through with it. What a great way to include your family in the process. What would that mean for us? Well, our two year year old calls the baby Kermie. I don’t know why. She rarely watches the Muppets, and it certainly isn’t her favorite show. Yet she has stuck with that name for months. So are we going to give our baby the name Kermie? No. Absolutely not. Although her sister can call her that as long as she likes. I guess I’m just not a team player. I can live with that.

Even picking a family name can be tough. We know we’re having a girl, so that cuts the options in half. Even so, if you factor in both of our mothers, grandmothers, and great grandmothers that is already fourteen choices. There is always the middle name. Is thirteen middle names too many?

What if she is born without a name? I think we are actually going to go this route. As long as we have something in mind, we’ll know when we finally get to meet her. I would hate to decide on a name, only to find out it doesn’t fit at all. We’ll go to the hospital armed with a short list, and hopefully one of those will fit the bill. And if not? Well, Kermie it is.

How did you pick your children’s names? Did you have a fight with your better half? Did you already know well before B-Day? Was there a family name that had to be passed on?

48 Reasons I Love My Wife On Our Fourth Anniversary

Four years ago today, my wife and I agreed to spend the rest of our lives together. I have been told by a few different people that the first few years of marriage are the toughest. The challenges you face, and how you handle them, will set the tone for the rest of your lives. I now believe this to be true. Over the past four years my wife, Rebecca, and I have faced many, many different challenges. That being said, we have also experienced some of the greatest moments of life. In honor of our fourth anniversary, I would like to share 48 things I love about my wife. One for every month we’ve been married.

1) She loves me. This may seem obvious, because she married me, but it’s not that simple. Seeing someone at their worst moment is the true test of love. Rebecca has certainly seen mine, and she is still by my side,

2) She rolls with the punches. In the last four years I have had two different cars, three different jobs, four new tattoos, and five different haircuts. Well, maybe not exactly, but you get the point. One thing is certain in life: change. If you can’t get used to it, it can be a rough ride. Thank you for putting up with it, even when it is not easy.

3) Her artistic abilities. I’m a creative person, but I have no where near the talent of my wife. She found something she loved in high-school and stuck with it, I’m amazed at her abilities, and love to see her work.

4) She’s an amazing mom. When I met Rebecca, she already had a six year old girl. Taylor was her world. I was lucky enough to join the family, and now our family has grown. Shopping for the kids is one of her favorite pastimes, and she rarely even buys anything for herself anymore. I couldn’t ask for a better mother to our children.

5) Her laugh. It’s adorable. If you’re funny enough, she will even give a little snort. Now our two year old does the same thing. It’s also adorable.

6) Her sense of humor. This sort of goes hand in hand with the last one. We definitely share a twisted sense of humor, and I love that about her, Be careful though, it can get pretty weird.

7) She loves her job. It takes a special kind of person to put up with eighth graders. It takes a crazy person to enjoy it, Rebecca is both of those. She teaches eighth grade art. She loves teaching, connecting with, and inspiring the kids at this pivotal point in their life. It’s amazing to see a person take such an interest in the lives of so many kids.

8) She loves reading. Between the two of us, we have amassed quite a collection of books, Not everybody enjoys reading these days, but Rebecca will sit down and read a whole book quicker than I can get through the first chapter.

9) She passed her love of reading onto the kids. Both of our daughters read with a passion. Taylor, the fourteen year old, can read as quickly as her mother, and Lyla, the two year old, will sit in bed with a story book by herself. They both love reading, and I am glad this has been passed on.

10) She’s beautiful. I know you’re not supposed to judge a book by its cover, but damn. I get to look at her every day, and she is just as beautiful as the day we met. I am a lucky guy.

11) She lets me be me. As I mentioned earlier, I often change things up. I have gone through many different phases since we’ve been together, and she’s okay with all of them…except my mustache. She really doesn’t like my mustache.

12) Her smile. As I said, she has a great sense of humor. She also has a beautiful smile. Luckily, she passed on her mouth to our children, so I see that smile everywhere I look. Thanks genetics.

13) Her minivan. Yes. She always said that she would never drive a minivan. Now it’s her favorite vehicle ever. I’m glad she broke down and bought it, because I love it as well.

14) She loves to travel. Since we’ve been married, we have traveled to Puerto Rico, Mexico, Canada, California, and many other places. Rebecca love’s traveling as much as I do, and that is not easy. I love to travel. We plan to visit many new places with the kids, and I can’t wait.

15) Her love of music. We may not like all of the same bands, but music is a big part of who she is. From Led Zeppelin in high-school, to the Rolling Stones in college, to One Direction with the kids, Rebecca has an eclectic taste in music. It is one of the many ways we connected while dating, and I love her for it today.

16) Her family. Rebecca comes from a big family. She has five siblings that are all married, and many of them have kids of their own. Joining a family like this can be intimidating, but I was lucky. Although I may not have presented myself in the best light when we were dating, they have all come around and accepted me as their own. For that, I am thankful.

17) Her cooking. Rebecca makes delicious home cooked meals. She has them memorized, and never needs a recipe. Impressive.

18) She lets me cook. I like to experiment with cooking. Mexican, Indian, and other world cuisine is what I try my hand at. Although I don’t do it often, when I do, Rebecca always eats it.

19) Her shoes. This may seem silly, but I love the variety. It reflects her personality. A different color and style for many different occasions.

20) She wears Frida Kahlo shirts. They’re awesome. This ties in to her love of art and teaching. Not a lot of people can pull this look off.

21) She watches football with me. Even though she’s a Green Bay Packers fan, it’s still fun to hang out on Sundays and watch football. Although, I think she may have a crush on Aaron Rodgers…

22) She plays fantasy football…With a vengeance. Two years ago she won the league, and the trophy came home. Then last year, I won it, and it stayed right where it is. We have built a fantasy football dynasty. Bring it on!

23) She likes to play to play cards. This was a big thing in my family when I was growing up. Rebecca and I will play Gin Rummy for hours. Although she usually wins.

24) She’s an excellent aunt. Not only is she a great mom, but she is an awesome aunt as well. She loves playing with all her nieces and nephews, and I will often find the house filled with others children. It’s okay, because they’re are awesome too,

25) She proof reads my writing. And she gives me honest feedback. Even when I get offended. That is true love. Plus, she is always right on with her assessment. Dang, I hop their arre no typos in this artcle, because I didnt let her proof red it fr me!

26) She watches American Ninja Warrior with me. She even enjoys it! Or, at least, she pretends to. Either way.

27) Her clothing. I’ve always liked the way she dresses. Even as it changes over the years. She’s a classy gal.

28) She can be spontaneous. But not all the the time, and never to make poor decisions. For example, she and Taylor wanted to buy a dog a few years ago. Two days later we had Mickey, and he’s part of the family now. He’s a great dog, and my only male compadre!

29) She loves Arrested Development. No, not the band. It is my favorite TV show. Whenever we can’t think of something to watch, we can always agree on Arrested Development or Curb Your Enthusiasm. Best…Shows…Ever…

30) Our wedding was awesome. Not many ladies would agree to have their reception at a bowling alley. The music was…unconventional, and our clothing was retro. It was inexpensive, but most of all, it was fun. A truly unique day.

31) She’s tenacious. Many years ago, we had planned to drive to Rochester to see one of our favorite bands. She was driving to my house to meet me when a teenager crashed into her car. He totaled it. The airbag went off, the front end was shifted, and it was wrecked. Rebecca called me sobbing. The first thing she said, through tears, was “We’re not going to get to see The Booze.” (The Booze is the name of the band.) She then told me about the wreck, and that she was okay. Well, I drove to the scene, waited for the cops, called for a tow truck, and voila! We left. We arrived in Rochester just in time to see the band. Wow.

32) Her hair. No matter the length, color, or style, Rebecca’s hair always looks great. It takes a perfect face to pull this off.

33) She let me hang a Ron Paul banner on the house for a year. She never even complained. Thanks babe.

34) She loved my parents. She didn’t tolerate them, or think they were alright. She loved them. My parents were some of my best friends, so this means the world to me.

35) We take family walks. My parents always did this growing up. After dinner we would take a walk. It was relaxing. Even now, at nine months pregnant, Rebecca still gathers us up to take a walk around the block.

36) She knows the lyrics to every song. Even after listening to a song one time, she knows exactly what they’re saying. I played music for years, and I can’t even tell what my favorite bands are saying. It is an impressive talent.

37) She doesn’t nag. She may gently remind me from time to time that I have four non-running motorcycles in the garage, but she doesn’t nag. In fact, if she were as weird and forgetful as I am, I would be nagging her all of the time. That is some impressive restraint.

38) She loves baths. I think it’s cute. She takes a bath everyday. Sometimes more than once. Although more often than not, there is a two year old ready to cannonball right in next to her. I’m not sure how relaxing that is, but it’s still cute.

39) She’s a team player. We make decisions together. I know this is how a marriage should be, but it doesn’t always go that way. She values my opinion, and that means the world to me.

40) She shares, likes, and re-tweets. This actually means a lot to me. Rebecca has supported my decision to stay at home with the kids one hundred percent. This means that writing online is a big part of my new profession. She understands that and helps share my posts online. Having your best friend also be a fan is a good feeling.

41) She holds my hand. On the couch, on walks, and yes, even in public. I always admired my parents for still showing affection after thirty years of marriage, even though it got weird sometimes. Anyways…

42) She buys me awesome presents. Okay, this is a little bit selfish, but I don’t care. It’s true. Last year I mentioned that if Tim Tebow is ever on the Eagles, I want the jersey. The gods of football were listening, and on father’s day this year I got my wish. Thanks for listening babe! Not to mention, the first three years we dated, she bought me a new tattoo for my birthday. Awesome.

43) She wouldn’t talk to me when we first met. Because I used to wear a wedding band. I was never married, but i found the band in a car I bought. I wore it for fun and because it fit. So when I started pursuing her, she wanted nothing to do with me. Respectable. Then I told her it was just a piece of jewelry, and I stopped wearing it. The rest is history.

44) She does yoga with me. Okay, we did this like three times, but it was a lot of fun. I had been going every week for six months. She hadn’t been in years. She came with me and was ten times better than I’ll ever be. Sigh.

45) Her competitive streak. You wouldn’t think of Rebecca as a very competitive person. Trust me though, it’s in there somewhere. Occasionally, it will rear it’s head, and it’s great.

46) Her intelligence. I don’t know how this one slipped so far down the list. I have always been impressed at how smart my wife really is. We have watched Jeopardy almost every night since we have been together, and you never know what random correct answers she will come up with. Rebecca is truly one smart cookie.

47) She understands me. Or better yet, she understands that she will never understand me. I asked her if I could take an hour long trek to try out a sensory deprivation tank for the first time. After some good-natured ribbing, she gave me her blessing. She may not understand why I want to try it, but she’s okay with that.

48) She is Rebecca. And she is truly unique. I found a smart, beautiful, caring, nurturing, talented, and funny woman. She agreed to spend the rest of her life with me. I call that a win.

In the last four years I have lost both of my parents and my Papa(my mom’s father.) I have gone through the youngest mid-life crisis ever, and changed my course in life many times. In the process I have realized something very important. Though life may throw you one terrible situation after another, having someone by your side that truly loves you can get you through. I have that person by my side. Rebecca, I love you more than anything in the world. You have given me strength. You have given me two beautiful daughters with a third on the way. You have given me the time and resources to discover my true calling in life. Most of all, you have given me yourself. Thank you for four amazing years of marriage. I can’t wait for the next forty.

Four Tips From Four Weeks: My First Impressions After A Month At Home

I did it. I’ve made through my first month at home. Acclimating to a completely different lifestyle takes time, and leaving the full-time gig to freelance and watch the kids takes some getting used to. It is an amazing feeling to go to a doctor’s appointment without an incredible hassle, to take the kids to the park on a Tuesday morning, or to hang out in bed and watch cartoons with your toddler until noon. That being said, there is a certain level of discipline that must come with the territory. I have been walking the line between productivity and just enjoying myself. Here are a few things I have found out in my first thirty days of freedom:

Write down ideas as soon as you have them. To me, this one is key. I’ve had so many great ideas for articles or stories at the most inopportune times. Driving the car, working in the yard, or right before I fall asleep are the most common moments for me to find inspiration. I always think I will remember them later, so I go about my task. Thus is my error. I almost never recollect the ideas I had in those fleeting moments. I have a notebook I carry around with me. Now I just have to start using it.

2. Use your free time wisely. I have a bad habit of squandering time. It happens like this: My wife takes the kids out to go grocery shopping. I have a few hours to write. I quickly check my Twitter and Facebook. I see an article about bloggers joining Pinterest. I join Pinterest. I spend a half-hour trying to validate my website with my new Pinterest account. I call my brother to see how his house hunting went today. I finally start writing, when the kids come blasting through the door to show me what they bought at the store. I am still struggling with this, but the first step is admitting you have a problem. Now to use my time better…As soon as I find out what “pinning to my wall” is.

3. Set up a schedule. While this may be unnecessary for highly organized people, it’s a help for me. I have three or four things I’m working on at any given time, and this is a way for me to give time to all of them. Mondays I usually work on my blog. The rest of the week I have broken down by day for each project. This doesn’t have to be a binding process, and it should never stifle creativity, but it helps me get going in the morning if I know what to start on right away.

4. Order business cards. This may not be useful at this point in your career, but that’s not the point. This is a morale booster. It’s fun to drop a card in the fishbowl at a restaurant, and who knows, a free lunch could be around the corner. The guy you’ve been talking with on the plane for an hour? Maybe he needs a writer, or knows someone who does. It may feel silly at first, especially if you’re not a published writer, but acting like a professional will not hurt your career. It can only help. And it’s fun. For the price of business cards these days, a free lunch could probably be considered a profit.

These are just a few things that stand out to me after reflection. In general, staying organized, following a schedule, and making the most of your time will go a long way. Nothing is more important than your ideas, so bring a notebook, use your phone, or write on your arm with a Sharpie to make sure you don’t forget them. Give out business cards to everyone that looks at you. Getting your name out there is important, and handing out business cards means you’re serious. Most importantly, don’t forget to have fun. Missing your goal for the day isn’t the end of the world. Just find a balance and stick with it.

As for me? I’ll probably continue to spend too much time playing and watching TV with the girls. I’ll find my balance eventually, but I’m still in the honeymoon phase. Oh well, I guess there could be worse things to worry about.

Five things I did Wrong Today (And It’s Not Even 5 O’Clock)

I’ve been a stay at home dad for about three weeks. Like every other job, there is a certain level of finesse you develop as you learn the best practices for that industry. I am very much in the learning phase, and I have no finesse. Today is evidence that I have a lot more to take in. It’s not even 5 pm, and here are five things I have done wrong today:

1) I slept in… way in. I woke up at the crack of noon. Well, more like 11 am, but who’s counting. As my wife is a teacher, she is still on her summer break. She decided to do me a favor and get up with the little lady. Normally I would love the sleep, but I’m trying to keep busy and get work done while she’s still home.

Lesson Learned: Set an alarm. Don’t rely on a two year old child to wake you up. I’m pretty sure this is common sense.

2) I was outsmarted by a two year old. Seriously!? She said she needed a potty break. I told her to go sit on her potty in the bathroom. She did, after grabbing my wife’s makeup bag off the dryer. She did not go to the potty, but she did manage to use more makeup than a Hollywood TV set. She somehow put on mascara, eyeliner, and blush in the amount of time it takes me to stand up off the couch. I guess when you don’t discriminate where the makeup goes on your face, the process is quite a bit shorter.

Lesson Learned: Toddlers are crazy, unpredictable little people that are capable of far more mischief than you would think is possible. Proceed with caution, because this isn’t going to change any time soon.

3) I weed-whacked the lawn wearing shorts. This doesn’t really have anything to do with being a stay at home dad. When I was a kid, my dad always made me wear boots, jeans, and safety glasses when weed-whacking. I guess my form of adult rebellion is not following lawn care safety rules.

Lesson Learned: My dad was a much smarter man than I am. Sometimes there is a reason for the rules. Ouch.

4) I failed to stay up to date on bathroom breaks with my underpants wearing, potty training toddler. This one is pretty self explanatory. While she will fake a potty break to get into mom’s makeup, she will not always tell you when she has to poop. If she’s been hiding for more than thirty seconds, I’m in for a mess. Today, I certainly was.

Lesson Learned: If your kid is wearing underpants instead of a pull-up, keep her in your line of sight.

5) I was outsmarted by a two year old…again. Yep. Apparently mom has makeup in more than one place. I checked up on the little lady in the bedroom. She was watching Alice In Wonderland, like I thought, but she was also applying copious amounts of lip gloss in the general vicinity of her lips.

Lesson Learned: This one’s not really a big deal. Keep all things you don’t want the kids to ruin out of reach. It was actually pretty funny to watch her try to hide the evidence, and even funnier how mad she got when I tried to get a picture of her afterwards.

Well, I’ll chalk today up to a learning lesson. I’m sure things will go better tomorrow… Right?

Dads Going Home

Full Timer To Full Time Dad