Genius


We take so much for granted in our lives, including life itself. The weather has turned warmer in LA, and the sunset is spectacular, tinting the clouds into progressive shades of pink while birds chitter in the nearby trees. The light of this golden hour fills our living with a warm glow as I get to experience the sublime musical genius of Vladmir Horowitz  in arguably one of the greatest piano concert performances of all time, his appearance on Sunday, April 20, 1986 in the beautiful Great Hall of the Moscow Conservatory of Music.

Horowitz left Russia in 1925 at the age of 22, an already celebrated pianist from Kiev, never to return for 60 years. He often said he would never come back, but at the age of 82, he yielded to the desire “to see his homeland once more before I die”.

Only one poster on the wall of the Conservatory announced the concert, saying a piano recital would be given by “Vladimir Horowitz (USA)”. Only 400 tickets were put on sale to the general public, with the other 1800 reserved for government officials and foreign diplomats. Long lines of music lovers queued all night for the tickets which sold out in minutes. It was raining when the concert started, but hundreds of people stood outside under umbrellas. They knew they couldn’t hear a note; they just wanted to be able to say that they were present on this day.

As thunderous applause filled the hall, a slight old man in a dark blue suit and bow tie shambled to the center of the stage, gave the crowd a shrug and a nervous grin, and sat down to wait for silence.

From the first notes of a Scarlatti sonata, he played with great subtlety and power. He gave the crowd pastel rainbows and crashing thunderstorms. By the time he reached the music of the Russian composers Rachmaninov and Scriabin, many in the audience were weeping. One concert goer said his “music is just bits of beauty flowing through the air.” Another told an interviewer “He is the only pianist who can play colors.”

In his column the day after the concert, Andrew Rooney wrote: “During the latter part of the concert, watching this 82 year old genius play, I found mist forming in my eyes for some mysterious reason. I could not explain. I was not sad. I was exultant. It had something to do with my pride, at that very moment, in being a part of the same civilization that this great and endearing man playing the piano was part of. …His eyes were closed, his head tilted slightly backward so that his face was up – and one lone teardrop ran down his cheek.

“It was same teardrop running down mine.”

I am so grateful – for being alive this day, to have experienced both the beauty of nature and the magic of this now gone virtuoso wringing joy mixed with melancholy from my heart, along with all those who shared that moment with him on that rainy day in a capital not often known these days for producing such sublime moments of humanity.

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Rose Parade 2026


Welcome to another New Year! We’ve had a long-standing tradition, along with many in Southern California as well as in many parts of the world, of starting off the New Year by watching the annual Rose Parade in Pasadena. Having spent a number of years living in South Pasadena, I attended a number of these spectacles in person, standing along Colorado Boulevard with hundreds of thousands of others in cold temperatures, trying to stay warm by drinking hot coffee for hours before the parade officially started at 8 AM, hoping there was a facility nearby to relieve the inevitable result of such liquid consumption.

Miki and I had our first time together going to see the floats in Victory Park on New Year’s Day after the parade ended. I never considered this invitation as a date, as I had just met her at her sister’s house, knew she lived three thousand miles away, and would soon be returning to her teaching position at the University of Florida. Still, she was an obviously intelligent, attractive woman with an upbringing similar to mine, and we had an enjoyable time admiring the beauty of the floats while exchanging details of our lives. At the time, if you had told me that she would eventually become my wife, I would have been extremely skeptical, given her geography, commitment to a tenure track position, as well as my own inflexibility. Life does have a way of surprising us, but I digress. The point is that the parade has personal meaning to us in addition to its tradition and enjoyable spectacle.

There may be some churlish among you who object to so much money and resources being spent on such an ephemeral event where millions and millions of flowers are shipped from around the world to decorate floats whose lives are limited to three days. Never mind that the design of new floats begins again almost as soon as the parade ends, that the organizers have a year-long process of planning and selection starting almost immediately for the upcoming year, and the cost of putting on this show never gets less. Couldn’t all this money and energy be put to better use? Absolutely!  The problem is that without the parade, the money would likely not be spent on those causes you’re thinking about, and the Rose Parade does meet a real need – something to help unite us for a common cause, something to create dreams for all those young people who aspire to march 5 ½ miles in any weather to be part of something bigger than themselves, along with the thousands of volunteers who spend countless hours pasting flower petals individually by the millions to create something that is beautiful,  but which binds them into being a community. Think of the million people who come here each year so they can be part of an experience, along with the innumerable number who participate vicariously in their living rooms. As I watched today’s program, I was struck not only by the spirit of both the participants as well as the onlookers who didn’t let the rain diminish their enthusiasm, but also by the inclusion of bands from a small city in Japan and Mexico whose children have had their fantasies fulfilled by playing in front of this crowd where their only common language was music!

We have enough ugliness and disasters in our world. Allocating one morning to something artful, uplifting, enjoyable, and unifying does not seem to be such a complete waste.

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Is Santa Safe This Christmas?


One question many parents face is telling their children about Santa. Do we continue the tradition with which almost all of us grew up? Is there harm in telling a story to a child they will all be exposed to which they eventually discover wasn’t quite true? At what age should they be told how the story of Santa actually started? Should we let them find out on their own, or do we tell them ourselves before one of their friends spill the beans? Or do we give them a copy of the famous editorial that appeared in the Sun in 1914, “Yes Virginia, there is a Santa Claus?”

On December 24, 2025, the North American Aerospace Defense Command, or NORAD, will celebrate seventy years of tracking Santa’s sleigh. The story began when a child got a phone number from a Sears store in Colorado for a telephone hotline for Santa. The child transposed two digits and called a colonel in Colorado Springs manning the radar installation and asked the colonel if he was Santa. Recognizing a PR opportunity, the defense agency issued a press release that they were tracking Santa’s sleigh as he made his way to his home at the North Pole. The press loved the piece, which became circulated around the country.

By Christmas Eve 1960, NORAD was posting updates and tracking the flight of “S. Claus.” It reported that the sleigh had made an emergency landing on the ice of Hudson Bay. When Canadian fighter jets stopped by to check on the incident, they found Santa tending to a reindeer’s injured foot. Once the animal was bandaged, the jets escorted Santa’s sleigh as he completed his annual flight. Since then, fighter jets have frequently intercepted the sleigh to salute Santa, who reins in his team to let the slower jets catch up.

This tradition continues, but one can’t help wonder: with the attitude of our current administration toward illegal immigration, will Santa remain safe tonight as he enters US air space? Will our jets remain welcoming to this man who holds no passport and is clearly not a US citizen? On this eve when we celebrate the bringer of Peace to our world, let us hope that sanity will prevail not only for this evening, but for the years to come.

Posted in America, Christmas, Cold War, Family, History, Humor, News and politics, Politics, Santa, The Internet, Thoughts & Musings | Tagged , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Postcard From Kauai


It’s been over six years since we last visited the islands, but almost sixteen since we were last on Kauai, which happens to be my favorite. There is a reason it’s called the Garden Island, for it gets the most rainfall, with significant portions of land still kept from the clutches of the rapacious developers. I love its silk sandy beaches, majestic canyons, and abundant wildlife.

Our friends Don and Arlene from San Diego go there every year with their family and friends. They have a time share with Marriott Resorts in Poipu and invited us to stay with them for a week as their guests. It didn’t take us long to decide, for not only was this a very generous offer, but also because we have always enjoyed their company, and this was great opportunity to make new memories together.

There are certain people you meet in life with whom conversation flows freely, with whom there are no taboo topics, and in whom you have the security of implicit trust that confidences shared will not be betrayed. Don and I have known each other for fifty years, ever since he was a medical student at USC when I was an intern, then resident. We both ended up in Gastroenterology and know many of the same people. We have taken several ski trips together, and following his marriage to Arlene, also a couple of European holidays.

It’s a good thing we’ve established these bonds, as the weather during our week-long stay included a couple of monsoon-like days, where not only was it raining, but we had torrential downpours lasting all day and night with intermittent periods of lighter drops. As result, we had plenty of time for not only reading, but for long, delightful, and at times sad conversations about our lives, families, our fears and concerns about our children, our health, the future of our country and the world, along with the existential questions we all face as the sand in the hourglass of our lives becomes notably diminished. We all share a love of reading and exchange book recommendations with each other. In the past I introduced them to Fredrik Backman, a wonderful Swedish writer who’s authored some of my favorite books, including Anxious People, along with his new bestseller, My Friends. On this trip, I was able to have them listen to Simon Sinek, who besides being a writer, also has a podcast with amazing guests, including on one such episode, Fredrik Backman, talking about the role of friendships in his life.

Since he retired from practice, Don has taken an increasingly broad role as a docent at the San Diego Zoo, and I can attest to the depth of his knowledge by the exhaustive personal tour he provided us on one of our recent visits with him. One of the highlights of the visit to Poipu for any nature lover is the appearance of Hawaiian green turtles on the beach in front of our units on a daily basis. They had always been there but not seen due to their prior habit of coming up on the beaches only in the middle of the night. However, the Covid pandemic changed all that. With the beaches cleared of people during Covid, the turtles began to come ashore in the daylight as well, to the point that at our location we would see anywhere from 30 to 120 of these large reptiles laying their bodies on the sand along the edge of the ocean. The largest of all sea turtles, these endangered animals can weigh 300-400 pounds and live for up to 70-80 years. They can dive to 1,500 feet, and stay underwater for up to 2 hours, though they require air for breathing. Interestingly, their sex is determined by the temperature of the sand in which the eggs are laid. The females lay up to 130 eggs each time they reproduce, which occurs about every two years. They go to a far-removed island for this process. The ones we see on the beaches are not there to lay eggs, only to enjoy the heat of the sand. We learned these, along with several other fascinating facts about these turtles from a very knowledgeable woman who lived on the island and was part of the organization formed to protect them, mainly from us and our own ignorance.

In addition to the turtles, we had a couple of monk seals who would beach themselves daily just shortly removed from the turtle hangout. Don never tired of looking at the animals. I was also interested but was anxious to get in the ocean myself and explore, wearing the mask and snorkel I brought for the occasion. This was the only part of the trip which disappointed me, as the storms created such a strong undertow that despite the fact that I’m more than a competent swimmer, I felt that the risk benefit ratio of being dragged over the corral in the shallow parts of the surf, or being pulled out to sea outweighed the fun of seeing the underwater life.

Besides talking, reading, swimming in the pools and relaxing, we enjoyed our other favorite activity, eating. Arlene is an excellent cook, and with her culinary talents combined with my own resources, we managed to eat very well. We ate dinner out only one night at Table on Poipu, whose food and ambience are both excellent. The only caveat is to bring your own wine, as their selection is limited and their wine prices stratospheric for what they serve.

One of the benefits of having seen the local sights on prior visits is that we didn’t feel deprived not revisiting them. We managed to make our way to Hanalei Bay and their iconic beach made famous in the movie From Here to Eternity. If you’re there, The Dolphin Restaurant provides a great lunch at reasonable prices served in an atmospheric location.

The last piece of advice I have to offer is not to request a friend to pick you up at LAX on Friday night preceding the Christmas holiday. Our flight from Lihue arrived an hour early, thanks to Jet-stream. I texted my friend Martin to let him know we landed early at 8:45 PM. He responded that he left his house at 8 PM but was stuck in heavy traffic and thick fog. Every half hour I kept getting updates from him as he crawled his way toward us. We waited at curbside for almost two hours for him to reach us, which I’m sure was less painful than having to navigate the Christmas traffic jam. Fortunately, the drive home took only the usual hour. While waiting, I noticed several people from our flight waiting with us for their ride. Lesson learned!

Overall, this trip was the relaxation response. We remain grateful to our friends who made this possible and look forward to our next adventure in the Spring.

Posted in America, Beauty, Books and Literature, Covid-19, Death and Dying, Family, Food, friendship, Grief, Happiness, Hawaii, Los Angeles, Relatioships, Thoughts & Musings, Travel | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Fredrick Backman – An Author Worth Reading


I love to read. One of the joys of my newfound time in retirement is the opportunity to read more. And there are few things more enjoyable than discovering a new author whose vision of the world enriches and expands your own. Today, I wish to share with you such a person,  Fredrick Backman. An acclaimed Swedish author who has legions of fans worldwide, he writes poignant stories with deeply human characters drawn with such insight that I find myself re-reading his sentences numerous times and wonder at his ability to capture the human condition in such remarkable, yet simple words. I love his sense of humor, along with his ability to draw characters that stay and live with you long after you closed the cover on the last pages of his stories.

One of his first, and probably best known books was A Man Called Ove, remade as a movie with Tom Hanks with a change in the title to A Man Called Otto. (The book is far better.) Beartown became a TV series, and is based on three of his books, centered around a small town and its obsession with ice hockey. One of my personal favorites is Anxious People that begins with a bank robbery gone wrong, and proceeds in directions you will not expect. (If you never read any of his books, I suggest starting with this one. Britt-Marie Was Here, followed by My Grandmother Asked Me To Tell You She’s Sorry are both wonderful, strange, and unforgettable.

His latest is titled My Friends about flawed people with a humanity, which despite the tragic circumstances of the characters, leave you with a sense of hope and which to me, was deeply affecting.

Regardless of which of these books you decide to read (and I hope you read them all) I suspect they will leave a lasting impact on your heart and mind, as they did on mine. Please share your thoughts and opinions regarding these books, as well as offering up your personal favorites.

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Charlie Munger tribute and Returning to WordPress


Many of you may have already forgotten me, as I’ve been absent from here for a year. Life can get complicated, but recently, it has become more relaxed. I plan on posting something here weekly, so check back periodically. I will also be visiting your sites as often as possible. What follows is my first offering to you. Hope you enjoyed your Thanksgiving!

Charlie Munger died a few days ago just before reaching 100. A remarkable person, he’s as much responsible for the long term success of Berkshire Hathaway as its founder, Warren Buffet. The Wall Street Journal had a long article this Saturday chronicling his life. The following piece are the words of wisdom he spoke in 2007 at the commencement address at USC Law School, opening his speech by saying, “Well, no doubt many of you are wondering why the speaker is so old. Well, the answer is obvious: He hasn’t died yet.”

To get what you want, deserve what you want. Trust, success, and admiration are earned.

It’s such a simple idea. It’s the golden rule so to speak: You want to deliver to the world what you would buy if you were on the other end. There is no ethos, in my opinion, that is better for any lawyer or any other person to have. By and large the people who have this ethos win in life and they don’t win just money, not just honors. They win the respect, the deserved trust of the people they deal with, and there is huge pleasure in life to be obtained from getting deserved trust.

Learn to love and admire the right people, live or dead.

The second idea that I got very early was that there is no love that’s so right as admiration-based love, and that love should include the instructive dead. Somehow, I got that idea and I lived with it all my life; and it’s been very, very useful to me.

Acquiring wisdom is a moral duty as well as a practical one.

And there’s a corollary to that proposition which is very important. It means that you’re hooked for lifetime learning, and without lifetime learning you people are not going to do very well. You are not going to get very far in life based on what you already know. You’re going to advance in life by what you’re going to learn after you leave here…if civilization can progress only when it invents the method of invention, you can progress only when you learn the method of learning.

Learn to fluency the big multidisciplinary ideas of the world and use them regularly.

What I noted since the really big ideas carry 95% of the freight, it wasn’t at all hard for me to pick up all the big ideas from all the big disciplines and make them a standard part of my mental routines. Once you have the ideas, of course, they are no good if you don’t practice — if you don’t

practice you lose it.

So I went through life constantly practicing this model of the multidisciplinary approach. Well, I can’t tell you what that’s done for me. It’s made life more fun, it’s made me more constructive, it’s made me more helpful to others, it’s made me enormously rich, you name it, that attitude really helps.

Now there are dangers there, because it works so well, that if you do it, you will frequently find you are sitting in the presence of some other expert, maybe even an expert that’s superior to you, supervising you. And you will know more than he does about his own specialty, a lot more. You will see the correct answer when he’s missed it.

It doesn’t help you just to know them enough just so you can give them

back on an exam and get an A. You have to learn these things in such a

way that they’re in a mental latticework in your head and you automatically use them for the rest of your life.

Learn to think through problems backwards as well as forward.

The way complex adaptive systems work and the way mental constructs work, problems frequently get easier and I would even say usually are easier to solve if you turn around in reverse.

In other words if you want to help India, the question you should ask is not “how can I help India?”, you think “what’s doing the worst damage in India?

What would automatically do the worst damage and how do I avoid it?” You’d think they are logically the same thing, but they’re not. Those of you who have mastered algebra know that inversion frequently will solve problems which nothing else will solve. And in life, unless you’re more gifted than Einstein, inversion will help you solve problems that you can’t solve in other ways.

Be reliable. Unreliability can cancel out the other virtues.

If you’re unreliable it doesn’t matter what your virtues are, you’re going to crater immediately. So doing what you have faithfully engaged to do should be an automatic part of your conduct. You want to avoid sloth and unreliability.

Avoid intense ideologies. Always consider the other side as carefully as your own.

Another thing I think should be avoided is extremely intense ideology, because it cabbages up one’s mind. You’ve seen that. You see a lot of it on TV, you know preachers for instance, they’ve all got different ideas about theology and a lot of them have minds that are made of cabbage.

But that can happen with political ideology. And if you’re young it’s easy to drift into loyalties and when you announce that you’re a loyal member and you start shouting the orthodox ideology out what you’re doing is pounding it in, pounding it in, and you’re gradually ruining your mind. So you want to be very careful with this ideology. It’s a big danger.

In my mind I have a little example I use whenever I think about ideology, and it’s these Scandinavian canoeists who succeeded in taming all the rapids of Scandinavia and they thought they would tackle the whirlpools in the Grand Rapids here in the United States. The death rate was 100%. A big whirlpool is not something you want to go into and I think the same is true about a really deep ideology.

I have what I call an iron prescription that helps me keep sane when I naturally drift toward preferring one ideology over another. And that is I say “I’m not entitled to have an opinion on this subject unless I can state the arguments against my position better than the people do who are supporting it. I think that only when I reach that stage am I qualified to speak.” Now you can say that’s too much of an iron discipline …it’s not too much of an iron discipline. It’s not even that hard to do.

Get rid of self-serving bias, envy, resentment, and self-pity.

Generally speaking, envy, resentment, revenge and self-pity are disastrous modes of thought. Self-pity gets pretty close to paranoia, and paranoia is one of the very hardest things to reverse. You do not want to drift into self-pity.

I have a friend who carried a big stack of index cards about this thick, and when somebody would make a comment that reflected self-pity, he would take out one of the cards, take the top one off the stack and hand it to the person, and the card said, “Your story has touched my heart, never have I heard of anyone with as many misfortunes as you”. Well, you can say that’s waggery, but I suggest that every time you find you’re drifting into self-pity, I don’t care what the cause — your child could be dying of cancer — self-pity is not going to improve the situation. Just give yourself one of those cards.

It’s a ridiculous way to behave, and when you avoid it you get a great advantage over everybody else, almost everybody else, because self-pity is a standard condition and yet you can train yourself out of it.

And of course self-serving bias, you want to get that out of yourself; thinking that what’s good for you is good for the wider civilization and rationalizing all these ridiculous conclusions based on the subconscious tendency to serve one’s self.

At the same time, allow for the self-serving bias in others who haven’t removed it.

You also have to allow for the self-serving bias of everybody else, because most people are not going to remove it all that successfully, the human condition being what it is. If you don’t allow for self-serving bias in your conduct, again you’re a fool.

I watched the brilliant Harvard Law School trained general counsel of Salomon lose his career, and what he did was when the CEO became aware that some underling had done something wrong, the general counsel said, “Gee, we don’t have any legal duty to report this but I think it’s what we should do it’s our moral duty.” Of course, the general counsel was totally correct but of course it didn’t work; it was a very unpleasant thing for the CEO to do and he put it off and put if off and of course everything eroded into a major scandal and down went the CEO and the general counsel with him.

The correct answer in situations like that was given by Ben Franklin, he said, “If you want to persuade, appeal to interest not to reason.” The self serving bias is so extreme. If the general counsel had said, “Look this is going to erupt, it’s something that will destroy you, take away your money, take away your status…it’s a perfect disaster,” it would have worked!

Avoid being part of a system with perverse incentives.

Incentives are too powerful a controller of human cognition and human behavior, and one of the things you are going to find in some modern law firms is billable hour quotas. I could not have lived under a billable hour quota of 2,400 hours a year. That would have caused serious problems for me — I wouldn’t have done it and I don’t have a solution for you for that. You’ll have to figure it out for yourself but it’s a significant problem. And that requires some talent. The way I solved that is, I figured out the quota of 2,400 hours a year. That would have caused serious problems for me — I wouldn’t have done it and I don’t have a solution for you for that. You’ll have to figure it out for yourself but it’s a significant problem.

Work with and under people you admire, and avoid the inverse when at all possible.

And that requires some talent. The way I solved that is, I figured out the people I did admire and I maneuvered cleverly without criticizing anybody, so I was working entirely under people I admired. And a lot of law firms will permit that if you’re shrewd enough to work it out. And your outcome in life will be way more satisfactory and way better if you work under people you really admire. The alternative is not a good idea.

Learn to maintain your objectivity, especially when it’s hardest.

Well we all remember that Darwin paid special attention to disconfirming evidence particularly when it disconfirmed something he believed and loved. Well, objectivity maintenance routines are totally required in life if you’re going to be a correct thinker. And there we’re talking about Darwin’s attitude, his special attention to disconfirming evidence, and also to checklist routines. Checklist routines avoid a lot of errors. You should have all this elementary wisdom and then you should go through and have a checklist in order to use it. There is no other procedure that will work as well.

Concentrate experience and power into the hands of the right people – the wise learning machines.

I think the game of life in many respects is getting a lot of practice into the hands of the people that have the most aptitude to learn and the most tendency to be learning machines. And if you want the very highest reaches of human civilization that’s where you have to go.

You do not want to choose a brain surgeon for your child among fifty applicants all of them just take turns during the procedure. You don’t want your airplanes designed that way. You don’t want your Berkshire Hathaways run that way. You want to get the power into the right people.

You’ll be most successful where you’re most intensely interested.

Another thing that I found is an intense interest of the subject is indispensable if you are really going to excel. I could force myself to be fairly good in a lot of things, but I couldn’t be really good in anything where I didn’t have an intense interest. So to some extent, you’re going to have to follow me. If at all feasible you want to drift into doing something in which you really have a natural interest.

Learn the all-important concept of assiduity: Sit down and do it until it’s done.

Two partners that I chose for one little phase of my life had the following rule: They created a little design/build construction team, and they sat down and said, two-man partnership, divide everything equally, here’s the rule; “Whenever we’re behind in our commitments to other people, we will both work 14 hours a day until we’re caught up.” Well, needless to say, that firm didn’t fail. The people died rich. It’s such a simple idea.

Use setbacks in life as an opportunity to become a bigger and better person. Don’t wallow.

Another thing of course is life will have terrible blows, horrible blows, unfair blows, doesn’t matter. And some people recover and others don’t.

And there I think the attitude of Epictetus is the best. He thought that every mischance in life was an opportunity to behave well, every mischance in life was an opportunity to learn something, and your duty was not to be submerged in self-pity but to utilize the terrible blow in a constructive fashion. That is a very good idea.

The highest reach of civilization is a seamless system of trust among all parties concerned.

The last idea that I want to give you as you go out into a profession that frequently puts a lot of procedure and a lot of precautions and a lot of mumbojumbo into what it does, this is not the highest form which civilization can reach. The highest form which civilization can reach is a seamless web of deserved trust. Not much procedure, just totally reliable people correctly trusting one another. That’s the way an operating room works at the Mayo Clinic.

If a bunch of lawyers were to introduce a lot of process, the patients would all die. So never forget when you’re a lawyer that you may be rewarded for selling this stuff but you don’t have to buy it. In your own life what you want is a seamless web of deserved trust. And if your proposed marriage contract has 47 pages, my suggestion is do not enter.

Posted in America, Ethics, Finance and Investing, Honor, Law & Lawyers, News and politics, Relatioships, Thoughts & Musings | 2 Comments

Taking A Break


Taking a Break

As I was trying to decide on a topic for tomorrow’s post, I realized, after reviewing prior articles I’ve shared with you, I have nothing new to say today that I haven’t already written in the recent past. I appreciate you, the loyal readers who have been following Medico Musings over the years, and promise to not disappear forever. I don’t wish to discuss politics, as enough is being spewed out on a daily basis. I know I am not alone in being dismayed by the direction both sides have taken, and will join many of you in the next two weeks in expressing my personal opinion as to which candidates are likely to be the least disastrous to the future of our world.

There are a number of topics I may weigh in on in the future, more as therapy for me rather than persuasion for you to share my visions. At this point, I lack the time and energy to tackle them here. Wishing you and our country the best we can hope for, stay tuned for further musings.

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Bugs


I was out walking this morning, and in spite of the fact it’s already fall, the gnats were buzzing around my head, being their usual annoying distraction. This in turn resurrected the following poem in my memory.

Bug Cloud Season

Bug cloud season
What better reason
Never to exit my home
In fine spring weather
They gather together
I’d rather they gathered alone

  • Dave Grossman
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The Rarity of Friendship


The Rarity of Friendship

As we get less young, we become more aware of how our circle of good friends have shrunk. Some have died, some have moved far away, and a few have been lost to individual or mutual neglect in maintaining the links required to keep the relationship alive. We still have many people who we see at least yearly attending various social functions revolving around my work or volunteer activities. These people, however, can’t really be considered friends but rather acquaintances. There is a small number whose company we enjoy and with whom we might desire a closer relationship, but who are otherwise either too committed or not willing to enter into a deeper friendship.

In order to have a close friendship, you have to have a significant trust that personal details of your life you share will not be shared with others, and that the other person honors that trust. There needs to be an element of caring, which in turn, places some bond of obligation to not only share feelings about the relationship, but also to respond at least in some measure if your friend is in need. For many people, this is asking too much. They may be willing to share good times and mutually fun activities but draw the line at allowing the friendship to cause them any hardship or discomfort. In the old days, they would have been described as fair-weather friends.

It takes time to build trust and to strengthen those bonds that allow real friendships to form. It also takes the willingness to risk opening up to another person and being either rejected or having your confidence abused. When people are having difficulties in doing these very things to have a satisfying romantic connection, it shouldn’t be surprising that they have the same problems in doing so to have a meaningful friendship. Not everyone seems to realize how important true friendships are to their happiness. It doesn’t help that our society appears to have been hijacked by social media, where we prefer to text rather than talk with a person, and where appearance and likes trumps substance.

Loneliness is a growing epidemic in our country. I suspect that our neglect of developing and maintaining true friends in our lives play a not insignificant role in this problem.

Posted in America, friendship, Happiness, Health and wellness, Loneliness, Relatioships, Thoughts & Musings | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Should Doctors Write Social Prescriptions?


I came across an interesting idea: As a doctor, what if I shift from asking you, the patient, ‘What’s the matter with you?’ to ‘What matters to you?’”

This is the is the idea espoused by Julia  Hotz, the author of the “Connection Cure.” She interviewed hundreds of health experts, analyzed thousands of scientific articles and historical texts and traveled to ten countries. She met “real patients prescribed these five ingredients to help treat their wide range of diagnoses: type 2 diabetes, depression, stress, ADHD, anxiety, chronic pain, dementia, loneliness,” she says in her book.

Here are the five types of social prescription and when to use them, according to Hotz.

The 5 types of ‘social prescription’

1. Engage in movement when you’re sad or stuck

“If we’re feeling sad or stuck, physically moving our bodies can be really, really helpful for that,” Hotz tells Make It.

Movement can increase production of serotonin and stimulate dopamine pathways that are associated with elevating mood, she adds.

It’s important that the activity you choose is something you enjoy doing, whether it’s running or cycling. Doing the activity with others can increase the benefits, Hotz notes.

2. Spend time in nature when you’re distracted

Spending time in nature, even in stillness, can be “tremendously powerful for our attention capabilities,” Hotz says.

The connection between basking in nature and restoring your attention may have to do with evolution, she says. “We evolved able to pay attention to our birds and our fish and the rivers and the trees which gave shelter. This was a survival necessity.”

Hotz suggests tapping into this social prescription by taking a walk in the park or engaging in group activities like bird watching.

“When I wake up and I have a full inbox and I’m feeling super overwhelmed like I can’t focus on anything, a quick walk and sitting in the park can be so powerful for that,” Hotz says.

3. Turn to art when you’re worried

“Telling stories about our human experience, whether it’s through oral storytelling, written storytelling, more aesthetic storytelling, [like] paintings, drawings, that sort of thing, it sort of helps us make sense of our own story in the world,” Hotz says.

You can engage in art by reading a novel which may help you identify with a character’s journey and feel comforted that you aren’t alone in your experience. Or you can create your own art to channel some of the heavy emotions you’re feeling into something beautiful.

“Engaging in some form of art is really good at lowering our stress levels,” Hotz says. “It’s really good at increasing feelings of calm, increasing feelings of hope [and] self esteem.”

4. Overcome feelings of anger or frustration with service

Anger and frustration can lead to headaches and rumination, Hotz says.

“When we can redirect that energy to the well-being of other people through serving some greater cause, it sort of shifts our perspective again,” she says.

Participating in volunteer activities like cleaning up a playground or tending to a community garden can help you feel like you’re a part of something bigger than yourself and contributing to a greater good. Research shows volunteering can also improve your quality of life and motivation.

5. Search for belonging when you’re feeling lonely

One of the most fundamental human needs is to have a sense of belonging, Hotz says. An 85-year Harvard study found that having positive relationships in your life can increase your happiness and help you live longer.

“There’s a lot of research suggesting that when we feel we’re with people who can affirm who we are, whether that’s a big group of people or just one person, we improve our own self esteem,” she says.

“We feel less lonely when we feel seen and understood by another person.”

The great thing is that you can increase your sense of belonging by engaging in any of the other four types of social prescription in group settings. From fitness classes to book clubs, you can connect with people in shared spaces that align with your interests.

“Instead of replacing other kinds of medicine, social prescriptions complement them,” Hotz wrote in her book. “Instead of just treating symptoms of sickness, social prescriptions reconnect us to our sources of wellness.”

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