Still at Valley Tech’s gym and what fresh hell is this? Gil’s there with one of his kids – and it’s not Keri! For once we can take comfort in echoing the words of Effin’ Birds:
More about that in a moment.
Could Gil actually be scouting his next opponent? Scouting has never really come up in this strip in recent memory, even when the sports arcs were being written by someone with passing knowledge of the game. Even if it did, it seems like something he’d foist off on one of his assistants. More likely this where he agreed to do the custody transfer this weekend and he’s either picking up or dropping off Jami, a/k/a “The One Without My Hair.”
What makes today’s strip noteworthy is that we’re seeing Jami’s character develop for the first time in what seems like ages. Ever since Barajas brought Keri and him back from the sweatshop we’ve gotten little more than “He’s a kid who likes nerd stuff like anime, manga and RPGs.” Now he’s all gung-ho on becoming a film director.
We got some foreshadowing two weeks ago when Jami dropped a Scarface reference on his mom. But now he’s pressing the matter with his dad, while at the same time taking a stab at dad’s bread and butter. Show of hands, gentle readers: who here thinks that Jami is Henry’s author avatar in that first panel, and by “this family” he means “the readers”? Thought so.
Gotta love Gil’s clapback. “I suspected you weren’t my kid until I found out your mom was really playing for the other team. Now I figure you must’ve gotten the art cooties at ComicCon.” Not stopping at the jab, Gil further twists the knife by implying he won’t be forking out for this career choice. Be fun to see if this plays out in four years with Jami busing tables and doing low-budget pornos to pay his way through UCLA.
Funny thing: when he was first reintroduced, Jami’s “dream job” was “being dad’s assistant coach!” What happened? Talk amongst yourselves. teenchy out.
The battle between VT and Goshen rages on, with another dubious comment ‘up and in’ that I doubt Ive heard an announcer say, save for describing a baseball pitch to a hitter. P2 has a Pop sound, which should be the ball deflating as Gonads squeezes it, but its merely a defender knocking the ball out of a VT players hands. Not a bad move but the stadium suddenly looks round. No problem with P3 as Andrews displays nice shooting form. I need better ceiling views then all the white. P1 looks like a VT player has long sleeves on. Nobody wears long sleeves in basketball. Where do we go from here? Its still only the 2nd half. Finish the game tomorrow, show the final score, and see if Gonads can handle the result. This strip is the exception not the rule.
And the artist drama has been added. We now have 3. Merril, Kit Mills and Jason Margos. The 3 stooges. Margos has been on board since January 5. I guess he’s an improvement over the other two. But it hasnt improved the non-sports storylines or the inaccurate dialogue that Barajas is still churning out.
What happened to the crowd???? This looks like the number of fans at the END of the game.
Did everybody rise up and execute a Port-o-Pot run en masse???? I can’t think that the concession stand nacho chips and cheese is a doorbuster item. Not worth doing a Who Concert stampede anyhoo.
And as Frank mentioned, while halftime interviews are more common in the NFL and the NBA plus college basketball and college football, this isn’t ESPN. Mike Patrick or Tim Brando or Craig Sager aren’t going to be roaming the sidelines at a Milford Girls Basketball contest asking the tough questions at halftime.
For example
“Do you think Keri could be a more effective scorer if you kept her away from Pedro????”
“Only if he forgets his reentry pass.”
That felt good
“Coach Lunkhead, do you think Pedro will rise to the occasion????”
“The only thing rising so far is his manhood and I ordered him to buckle a chastity belt around him in the locker room. He can still jump on the rebounds.”
On a roll
“Emily, did Ericka show up tonight????”
“As long as my team shows up in the second half, Ericka can be intimate with what she bought off the discount table at Milford Adult Shoppe, for all I care.”
Today’s Headline in the Milford Enquirer
“She Needs To Wake Up In The Second Half!!!!!!!”
sub headline
“Increased dosages of No-Doz have failed to arouse HeeHaw, paramedics stayed close until the final buzzer.”
“As of 2025 the strip is carried by the lowest number of newspapers in its history. This has been accredited by long time fans as being due to the low-grade quality writing of Henry Barajas and the poor artwork provided by Rachel Merrill.[citation needed]“ – Wikipedia, as of today
TCA Comics Editor 1: We’ve gotta do something about Gil Thorp. Papers are dropping it like a bad habit. At this rate it’s gonna have fewer readers than Gasoline Alley, even though that strip’s readers are all over 100.
TCA Comics Editor 2: Do we know why? Is it the way it looks or the way it reads?
TCACE1: Both. Ever since Whigham retired, it looks like it’s been drawn by a thumb. Weren’t we promised better? Merrill’s been working with Barajas on Death to Pachuco; shouldn’t her work for us look at least as good? Same goes for him as well. Neither of them are giving us their A game.
TCACE2: Game. Game. That’s the problem. The best writers write what they know.
TCACE1: What are you saying? That he’s a gender-fluid teenaged girl?
TCACE2: What? No! What I’m saying is that he doesn’t know sports. He knows Latino culture and social justice issues, but a strip about sports can’t be about those things all the time.
TCACE1: Right. We can’t just can both of them – well, at least not him. He got a contract extension and getting rid of him now would just create legal hassles. So what do we do?
TCACE2: Well, as far as the artwork is concerned, we can bring in a couple of “guest artists” and give ’em a trial run. Maybe a reader poll at the end of their runs to see who they like best?
TCACE1: Careful with that idea. If we listened to the readers now, we’d have killed this strip months ago. Okay, let’s say that solves the art problem. What do we do about the writing?
TCACE2: You know how Barajas likes to work using AI into the strip? Like how he has the coaches using it all the time? Maybe he could start using it himself. Just have him plug in what time of year it is, and the AI should be able to tell him what high school sports are being played. Then he could ask it what kind of terms are used to describe the sport, and it could churn out phrases he could work in instead of what he passes off as dialogue.
TCACE1: That’d be a start. Hey! You mentioned Latino culture. Wasn’t he just writing about a basketball player whose family might be illegal immigrants? What happened with that?
TCACE2: Well, you know Barajas. He’s on the record that characters are always more interesting to him than plot. Besides, while we’re trying out new artists, he can just spin his wheels writing dialogue for all the main characters. After all, we want to see how the new – I mean, the guest artist draws the regulars before we commit. Then he can get back to that story.
TCACE1: Yeah, I guess you’re right. That’ll give Barajas more time to figure out how to use AI to write his plots.
Jackie Who Would Be Broadcaster, what would be your first clue that Coach Geriatrics wasn’t happy to lose to Gilberto???? Was it the extreme pissy-faced look on his visage???? I’d say he spread one too many lemons in his lemon meringue pie at pregame meal. That or he dropped his Spaghetti O’s in the smoothie blender when he wasn’t manually deflating basketballs in the Goshen Industrial Arts Building, Welding Department. If looks could kill, Coach G. would have led the charge at the second coming of Pearl Harbor.
Then there’s Coach Geriatrics’ assistant. He looked like he devoured the whole damn lemon tree. No wonder why he’s down in the gutter, given his excessive portly state of mind. He’s the only human being that is required by law to stop at a weigh station on the interstate. He could play racquetball on his chest by himself.
Where’s Fist Pump Man???? Where’s Sign Man???? So far, it appears as if the game is being staged at the bottom of a Jiffy Pop bowl. If we’re not careful, Goshen’s assistant may flunk his Weight Watcher’s regimen because he didn’t ration out the Orville Redenbacher to its proper portions.
Today’s Headline in the Milford Enquirer
“Coach Geriatrics To Perform Community Service In Milford, Beginning This Monday!!!!!!!!”
sub headline
“Judge Whopper from Milford Circuit Court: ‘I believe picking up dog disposables using a Swiffer broom in the Milford City Parks System is a sufficient punitive measure, given the Class C Misdemeanor, ‘Minor Damage to School Property-Athletic Paraphernalia’.'”
REX ALERT!!!!!! REX ALERT!!!!!!
Is Rex going to be required to plow through Milford City Mall’s Cafe Court to finally reach his cataract surgery???? I mean, how many hoops does Rex have to jump through before they lay him on the operating table???? He has to stop at the hospital ATM to check in???? Are his options “Withdrawl”, “Deposit”, “Bank Statement”, “Eye Surgical Procedure” with extra options like “From Savings”, “From Checking”, etc.???? Yeah, put your withdrawal of your cash and eye fluids in your gym bag before they gouge your eyeball, Rex.
I’ve gone through surgery. The procedures take forever; therefore I’m no stranger to surgery red tape. But I can say that I never went through the Wendy’s drive-thru to come to my pre-op. Then he receives a call informing him that the surgical gods were rescheduling to the afternoon. I don’t know about you but when was the last time the French Revolution rebels reschedule Sidney Carton’s trip to the guillotine???? And Sidney did not take a potty break before they wrapped the bag over his head. Like emptying his bladder before the guillotine fell was going to do any good. Sidney, don’t forget to wipe. And replace the roll in the dispenser. Did you get enough to eat at Denny’s????
Thank God they haven’t sent Rex to the gallows because how could he explain this to the kids???? Is Johnny going to tell Rex that he’d love to walk the plank, he’s never experienced it before??? Never jumped in with the sharks???? First time for everything, I reckon. Undoubtedly the last. One way of getting rid of Rex’s kids. Here, Michael, loop that noose around your neck, see how it feels. Excellent dinner conversation if they live to talk about it. The point is, why should we have to observe Rex walk the plank before he makes a payment to the loan officer on his 4-wheel drive before he plays pinball at Glenwood Arcade before he plays euchre with Fred and Wilma and then heads to the hospital to confer with HAL 9000 before HAL blasts him out in space but then Rex sneaks through the gymnasium in Discovery One to disengage HAL before getting the knockout gas and the surgeons use a turkey knife on Rex’s eye structure. Do you want me to repeat all this backwards????
Well, Rex could have had a quickie with June in the snack bar closet but that would have been the blind leading the eyeless.
The artwork in P2 is classic. Nice going, Jason. Indiana High School Basketball at its best. Y’all ain’t seen nuthin’ until you see your Indiana high school win a Sectional. I saw plenty as a kid. And the reason I fought against the multi-class system was because that ain’t Indiana Basketball. My high school has won several State Championships in golf, boys and girls. Because it is all-comers, nuthin’ sweeter than to say you beat EVERYBODY to get to #1. I hate it when the smaller schools say they were sick of getting pounded. Hey, baby, my high school got beaten in wrestling by you smaller schools. Don’t wanna hear it. It cuts both ways.
Now if somebody can go retrieve a socket wrench, we can adjust Jackie Carter’s vision back in its socket, preferably before halftime. Or as Frank mentioned, anyone know an exorcist????
“Coach Thorp Threatens To Sue If Van Halen Plays ‘Jami’s Cryin” At Milford Outdoor Amphitheater!!!!!!”
sub headline
“I know my son is a wet-nursed pussy who plays with Barbie dolls at recess, bows and licks latkes off the floor, and poops in his pants whenever wrestling tryouts are announced but that’s my cross to bear.”
In Dr. Pearl’s office with Alan Parsons Project’s “Somebody Out There” floating out of her hearing aid
“Dr. Pearl, are you aware that you’re wearing a bathing suit????”
“Mr. Luhm, you don’t need to remind me. I’m preparing for my routine tonight at the Van Halen production. Moreover, Eddie Van Halen will be wrapping his legs around me when they play ‘Hot for Teacher’ and I need to do deep breathing exercises in case I slip into an ecstatic frame of mind.”
Gang, Jami is not a sissy. Stop these ugly rumors. Keri talked him out of playing for the Girls Basketball team, even if the coach guaranteed he’d play the point. So there!!!!!!!!
Ah, another holiday strip. Seems like I get a bunch of em with this Monday gig. What have we here, a national anthem before the VT/Goshen game? Looks like a sparse crowd but its girls basketball, maybe. The way these coaches do everything, who knows until tomorrow? Sure looks like Gil in P2 with Mimi eh? Did the guest artist forget Gil isnt with Mimi anymore? Thats a pretty basic error. Gonads is playing a back-to-back so he needed extra hairspray. The singer needs a T on her top. The song is fine but there are apostrophes in places not needed.
Guess we need to watch Gonads try to beat Gils ex-wife. How long will he shake her hand after this tussle?
Of course the post title is a salute to the well known Chicago singer. Im sure you heard him last night if you watched the Bears game.
Ah the postgame coaches handshake. Its been getting way too much attention lately, with the Bears and Packers playing each other 3 times in a month, the Bears coming out on top in 2 of them. Ben Johnson and Matt Lefleur have seen each other more often then most of us see our dentist. Ben has made no secret of his general dislike for the longtime Packers coach, whose team had the Bears number for ages until this season, and since Johnson worked for the Lions the last few years, said in his first Bears press conference that he was gonna enjoy beating Lefleur twice a year. Their handshakes after the 3 contests have been so brief, LeFleur finally called Johnson out on it, and Im sure you know that I think the whole issue is ridiculous. Who cares how long the handshake is after such a long game? The game and the result is what matters. Of course since Ben won the playoff game, he can do whatever he wants as far as that goes. Lafleur came out looking like an ass, and there was even speculation he would lose his job after his team wound up losing their last 5. Which would be ironic since he wouldnt have another chance to hold onto Bens hand a little longer next time, at least with the Packers. Im glad they will get another chance to reconnect next year, and the cameras will be all over it, with a handshake timer in the corner.
Speaking of holding a hand too long, we have Gonads. Looks like its the complete opposite of the above scenario, as he wont let go of his conquerors hand and comes off looking even more like an ass as the Packers coach, only for a completely different reason. He again wont take losing a high school game like the sport he needs to be as an example for his kids, instead reminding Gil again that he will be back with a vengenge next time, going so far as to whisper in Gils ear the same rhetoric he’s been spewing since he took over the Goshen job(s) of coaching all the teams.
Just us watch. Right. Words are not actions. Hey, I actually wouldnt mind if he came out on top if it would shut him up already. Then Gil could miss his hand completely. We should all be so lucky.
The consolation prize is that we now know what transpires when passing the ball instigates a certain sound effect. Gee, I never knew what shooting the ball sounded like. This brings new meaning to the old philosophical question that if Shaq backs down a grizzly deep in the woods for an easy score with no one around to witness it, would BACK DOWN make a noise???? If a giraffe retrieves the miscue, would REBOUND resonate in the valley???? One wonders.
The pseudo-Batman sound effects say it all for me. When Batman KAPOWS The Joker and the latter is subsequently whisked away by Chief O’Hara, what more can be said???? Miller Time for the Caped Crusaders.
Today’s Headline in the Milford Enquirer
“Ticket Sales Are Brisk For Upcoming Van Halen ‘Hot For Dr. Pearl’ Concert At Milford Outdoor Amphitheater!!!!!!”
sub headline
“She was even willing to dance on top of a school desk in her one piece but insurance regulations declared it a safety hazard, so we bagged the idea.”
REX ALERT!!!!!! REX ALERT!!!!!!
I got it bad, I got it bad, I got it bad, I’m hot for Summer-OOOOOOPPPPPPPSSSSS, get your mind out of the ditch behind the softball field, T. Drew.
Especially when issues are commencing to heat up now that everybody and their second cousin is aware that Rex will commence firing with his cataract surgery. Even the fatso down at Nick’s Diner shoveling in the Pork Chop/Au Gratin Potatoes w/Chess Pie, Breath Mints extra is cognizant of the surgical staff including the intern in charge of wiping Rex’s derriere should Rex fills himself with the urge to defecate.
Okay, the staff lineup is by the dugout. But I’m really entertaining serious reservations about Rex not under the gas when the staff is digging into Rex’s face innards. Like, how is he going to occupy himself while they’re chopping his visage up for Thanksgiving dinner???? Is he going to watch Milford Championship Wrestling where Jerry Lawler wins back the WDIG National TV Belt by trotting all over Eric Embry’s neck???? Watch The King throw The Mouth of the South, Jimmy Hart, into the popcorn stand???? Play solitaire???? Maybe checkers with himself. Nobody else can be his opponent, they’re all digging for waterfalls, remember???? Rex will just have to king himself, something he implements in bed anyway.
Then his kids return (ugh) to offer their own analyses on the task at hand. I’d rather hear out Elmo when Dagwood is undergoing a vasectomy. How in the world can you harbor a roundtable discussion with these urchins when one of them begged to have his spleen ripped out???? Just send me to the guillotine any time, Dad. I want to know how it feels. Oh, I’ll be numb, all right. And serve me spicy collard greens after the doctors remove my tonsils. And if you get bored from watching your eye linger in a cereal bowl, you can use my Gameboy. And Sarah is babysitting us???? You couldn’t get a hold of Hazel???? Or Alice Kravitz???? I’ll even accept Lizzie Borden.
“…and we’ll be right back to JUMP in for more action after these messages. This is Marty Moon and you’re listening to WDIG, a division of Learfield Sports.”
At the Shaw residence one fine day
“…attaway ta get The Riddler, Batman!!!!!!!! I’d KABLOOIEEEEE Gil for stealing my Red Man out of my glove box. He could have asked, I would have even used my Zippo to light it-“
“HOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNEEEEEEYYYYYYYYY, I’M HORNYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!! LET’S GO TO BEDDDDDDYYYYYY-BYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEE AND DO WHAT CONSENTING ADULTS WOULD DOOOO-Uhhhhhh, you’ve been watching Batman since 11:00 this morning.”
“WHY WOULDN’T I?????? No better way to get pointers on how to be a man than to observe how the Caped Crusaders go about their business. I’m gettin’ hornier than a tree stump when I see Batman KER-PUNCH Egghead and his gang all over the cafeteria!!!!!! I’ll be ready for action as soon as Chief O’Hara arrives to haul Eggy baby up the river.”
“I’d like to haul somebody into the bedroom without being forced to using a KA-BAM!!!!!!!!”
“Woman, that’s what’s wrong with you!!!!!! How can a man do what he’s got to do if he has no guideline in front of him to show him the way???? Not watching Robin KICKHARD The Penguin in the crotch and bring the same to justice???? You might as well make Robin sponsor the letter ‘q’ on Sesame Street. Like, did you ever see Robin share in tea and scones with Bert and Ernie???? Well???? Did you????”
“All I’m seeing is a man who’d rather shove Whoppers in his mouth at Burger King with Bert and Ernie than prove his manhood because his manhood has been WHACKED to pieces because he neglected to take his Milford Men’s Clinic EREC-2957 DOWN AND HARD medications.”
“Blubba bubba bubble gum KAPOW there isn’t one kernel of truth to that, Mrs. Shaw!!!!!!! I loved watching the Dynamic Duo KER-FLOG Catwoman’s gang and later on, because Catwoman was hotter than the Starship Enterprise when it entered a rest area on the sun because Mr. Spock had to take a dump bad, Batman KER-DROVE her when she had cuffs on. Batman hated the kinky angle, but she had already been read her rights. The point is, I got sage advice on being a male.”
“I’ll even throw in the cuffs if it’ll induce you to cease this foolishness. How many times are you going to watch Batman KER-BANG Mr. Freeze’s head into the turnbuckle????”
“Now leave me alone!!!!!! I want to hear the ending…”
“ZOUNDS!!!!!!! Batman’s manhood caught in a Mason jar???? With a hydraulic pump designed to suck the life out of his masculinity and transport the merchandise to the Gotham City EPA Disposal Site???? Catwoman will go to no end to get the better of the Caped Crusaders!!!!! Is Robin about to be sterilized through the Bessemer Process???? Catwoman getting KER-BANGED by Batman without fear of unwanted offspring???? The dreadful answer will arrive tomorrow, same Bat-time, same Bat-channel.”
“I lost the remote anyway. And Mrs. Shaw was right as usual. I took those medications because that’s how I played softball, especially when I was up at the plate. Down and hard. I’ve been battin’ a thousand since I took my medicine and liked it and she LOVES IT!!!!!!! Don’t pop up to the third baseman. Hit the ball hard ANYWHERE and watch your sex life round the corner for the winning run. Only at Milford Men’s Clinic.”
jasbeattie
robmize2013
tdrewhardin
teenchy
timbuys
This Week in Milford 
Too Many Coaches Spoil the Broth
“As of 2025 the strip is carried by the lowest number of newspapers in its history. This has been accredited by long time fans as being due to the low-grade quality writing of Henry Barajas and the poor artwork provided by Rachel Merrill.[citation needed]“ – Wikipedia, as of today
SCENE: Editorial offices, Tribune Content Agency (TCA)
TCA Comics Editor 1: We’ve gotta do something about Gil Thorp. Papers are dropping it like a bad habit. At this rate it’s gonna have fewer readers than Gasoline Alley, even though that strip’s readers are all over 100.
TCA Comics Editor 2: Do we know why? Is it the way it looks or the way it reads?
TCACE1: Both. Ever since Whigham retired, it looks like it’s been drawn by a thumb. Weren’t we promised better? Merrill’s been working with Barajas on Death to Pachuco; shouldn’t her work for us look at least as good? Same goes for him as well. Neither of them are giving us their A game.
TCACE2: Game. Game. That’s the problem. The best writers write what they know.
TCACE1: What are you saying? That he’s a gender-fluid teenaged girl?
TCACE2: What? No! What I’m saying is that he doesn’t know sports. He knows Latino culture and social justice issues, but a strip about sports can’t be about those things all the time.
TCACE1: Right. We can’t just can both of them – well, at least not him. He got a contract extension and getting rid of him now would just create legal hassles. So what do we do?
TCACE2: Well, as far as the artwork is concerned, we can bring in a couple of “guest artists” and give ’em a trial run. Maybe a reader poll at the end of their runs to see who they like best?
TCACE1: Careful with that idea. If we listened to the readers now, we’d have killed this strip months ago. Okay, let’s say that solves the art problem. What do we do about the writing?
TCACE2: You know how Barajas likes to work using AI into the strip? Like how he has the coaches using it all the time? Maybe he could start using it himself. Just have him plug in what time of year it is, and the AI should be able to tell him what high school sports are being played. Then he could ask it what kind of terms are used to describe the sport, and it could churn out phrases he could work in instead of what he passes off as dialogue.
TCACE1: That’d be a start. Hey! You mentioned Latino culture. Wasn’t he just writing about a basketball player whose family might be illegal immigrants? What happened with that?
TCACE2: Well, you know Barajas. He’s on the record that characters are always more interesting to him than plot. Besides, while we’re trying out new artists, he can just spin his wheels writing dialogue for all the main characters. After all, we want to see how the new – I mean, the guest artist draws the regulars before we commit. Then he can get back to that story.
TCACE1: Yeah, I guess you’re right. That’ll give Barajas more time to figure out how to use AI to write his plots.