I’ve been in the trenches and it’s time to start share my walk with God through life once again…
Reflections from 2022:
What a year its been! I lost my job of 14 years. I completed 75 Hard, Ended some friendships. I remodeled the first floor of our home. I started my own photography business. I trained and got my USCCA Firearms Instructor License. I also studied and got my certification as an Therapeutic Art Life Coach. I grew deeper bonds with two powerhouses named Sarah Malone and Sammi Fetzner of Spark FLC. I finished Rugged Maniac for a second year, I learned how to meditate on a new level, did some deep inner healing and energy work, found a stronger connection to God, gained a ton of muscles, photographed my first wedding with Dawn Garber, built my own website, lead a ton of group Spark hikes, created some amazing content and made so so so many great connections.
Through this evolution, God has taught me a lot about what I want, need and believe in. I’ve learned more about how I relate to people, friendships and relationships than I ever could have imagined possible in a very short time span this year.
The the most important thing I’ve learned is, nothing is forever, so enjoy the ride while you can and rejoice in the good times and bad.
Even those people who support you and love you the most can’t be as invested in your dream as you are, not because they don’t care, but because they can’t see what you see, they don’t have your vision, your heart or your spark. Your calling and your purpose is yours and yours alone.
So, you can read all the self help books in the world, (I’ve tried) listen to gurus, coaches, preachers, podcasts, speakers, retreats and try the new “spirituality in a bottle”, escape from reality with all kinds of stuff, check all the boxes…BUT the bottom line is this….
That giant hole you have inside?
It can only be filled by God.
My walk with Jesus has shown me this time and time again…
When the darkness creeps in, and it will, it’s because God has taken a backseat.
Your true compass is set within you by God himself. He knows every inch of you. Your heart, your weakness, your passions, your transgressions, your anger, your potential… he made you like no one else. You can’t evolve unless you do some deep soul work with HIM. To truly do the inner work AND THEN apply it in your REAL LIFE. To heal wounds, grow and mend your relationships and how you show up in your life. Transformation means you get out of your head and plug into the real world… and make your own heaven on earth.
At the end of the day, you have to apply what you’ve learned and DO the work, make the moves, take the steps to make a better life. No one can do it but YOU.
All those people you admire and put up on a pedestal? They are NOT above you, or worthy of praises above God; truthfully they are human, just like you and me. They are just farther ahead on the trail, and they got to where they are because they put in long hours, made mistakes, failed more times than anyone knows, they have cried, sacrificed, and clawed their way through the all muck and they kept on going… Stacking up wins and losses, taking risks, fighting fears and nay-sayers to pursue their dreams. The true warriors battle against all odds, and follow faithfully on the path that God has prepared for them…The only difference between them and you?
They started. They did the hard work. They trusted when the odds seemed impossible.
You have that same light inside of you… You have the power…Truth be told, we ALL do. We just need to surrender to it and tune into God to turn that switch on. Every. Single.Day.
As a Mother and Wife who works a fulltime demanding job as a Creative Director, things can be hectic. My job requires me to drive 45 miles one way each day, work all day on problem solving and then drive back home, cook, clean and spend time with the family before having to get to bed and start it all over…This is would be a strain for most people, but couple that with the challenges of having Bipolar and ADHD, I’m realizing more and more that I REALLY need to pay more attention to myself care.
I have a tendency to just throw it in drive and just go, go, go without paying attention to my limits or my own needs. I often find myself putting other peoples needs before my own, and I’m not loving or honoring myself in the way that I need to do for my own mental health.
Sooner or later, there’s going to be a crash of some sorts, be it physical, emotional or mental. That’s why taking time each day to pause and put it into neutral is SO important for me so that I can avoid a disaster.
I’ve been working on developing some strategies I can go too when I need to pause and put it on autopilot.
These can be as simple as pausing to do a quick 5 min self check, to taking a much needed lunch break away from the office. Here’s a list of things I have in my tool box when the Drive is getting to me:
I enjoy heading to the river by my office and taking a stroll out in nature.
Some of you may know this or know parts of my story, but many of you don’t… You only see the happy version of me because, documenting my days is a form of therapy for me. When the darkness hits and i know it will, looking back at the things I have done, helps me to see the best parts of me. It’s a visual diary of my better days. 🖤
Typically the fall winter months and the lack of sunshine are harder for me and many others. Depression can blindside me if I’m not staying on top of it.
Let me just say this. It’s a dark place to be in. It’s not something someone can just talk you through, and when it hits, talking becomes VERY difficult…it takes a lot of work, support, and time. So many of us with illnesses feel deep shame. We feel like no one gets us, no one likes us, no one cares about us…and these lies can consume us and take us to where we feel that life would be easier for everyone if we just weren’t around 🥲
I’m not saying ANY of this for sympathy, I’m just stating my own personal experiences from the void.
Some may call it selfish, but truthfully, we feel all alone in our pain, it consumes us if we let it, we feel like we are just huge burdens to those around us. It’s emotionally exhausting because we spend our days trying to pull it all together just to survive. So, the blackness just eats us from the inside, draining us like a blood thirsty leech… We hide behind our smiles trying to fit in, until we just can’t. We withdraw, stop answering calls, make excuses, can’t /won’t get out of bed, can’t work, eat, shower or even function. This is what it looks like.
Medication can help, but often times it takes away ALL feeling until you just feel nothing. An empty shell…I’m hear to say that it’s a scary place to be… As someone who has been in this boat personally, been on the medication hamster wheel, seen doctors, shrinks, I know a thing or two about the darkness.
Recognizing that I needed help from the dark thoughts I was hiding required me to be brave. To speak up and say it out loud. That I wasn’t OK. Because in my case, no one knew…I’m a master at hiding that pain…But, I faced that dark void, told the people I love and I got help…I entered a cycle of docs, diagnosing, drugs and treatments. They helped get me through some rough times and out of a place where the darkness wasn’t all consuming. Family and close friends supported me… and they continue to do so. My Tribe helps me THRIVE and they know the signs now and keep me on the rails ❤️
WHY AM I SHARING THIS???
I hope this message hits someone who NEEDS to hear it.
You ARE worth it. You CAN get through this. You ARE enough. YOU do not have to suffer alone in the silence. DO. NOT. GIVE. UP.
The things that help me MOST: -My Faith in God-Prayer Warriors -Exercising Daily-Clean eating-Vitamins C & D, Magnesium -Practicing Gratitude Daily-Journaling or writing poetry-Having a safe space/person to call for help-Art/ Photography Therapy -Knowing what my triggers are and avoiding them-SLEEP and not overdoing it-5 Second Rule-Range Therapy -Setting Goals -Knowing when I need my space -Music Music Music
I still have my moments, but I’m in a MUCH better place❤️ I’m mentally stronger, physically stronger and know that I can get through the darkness whenever it comes and I can be the light to those who are lost. Find your purpose and pursue your goals because YOU are a beautiful soul.GOD MADE YOU. And God loves you even when you don’t love yourself.
You’re not alone… You are worth itASKING FOR HELP IS THE BRAVEST THING YOU CAN DO If you or someone you know needs help CALL the National Suicide Prevention Hotline 800-273-8255
If you have a story like mine, please share it and let people know they aren’t alone…You never know who is watching from that dark place. Be the lighthouse to those who are adrift💡
Troubled times call for desperate measures. We’re all going to be called upon to use our unique God given gifts to navigate the days, weeks and months ahead.
I’d be lying if I said I’m not experiencing some degree of fear. Yet, my faith calls me to put my troubles in God’s hands. To trust in Him. It’s hard to fight something that is unknown, unseen, unexpected…but we CAN fight and prepare for the things we can control.
We can control how we act, what we do in our own hearts and minds. We can love and respect each other, help our family, friends, neighbors and community. We can DO the things we all must do to get past this…
Don’t let FEAR win! Fear is what the enemy uses to keep us from our greatest selves…
Hello there World! Happy October…This is the time of year for myself and so many people that the dreary, cold weather sets in. S.A.D, and depression can really get the better of me if I let it take hold. That’s why being aware of my mood and how I’m feeling is so key for me to stay on top of staying healthy. If not, the darkness can consume me, but only if I let it…This photo titled “Through the Trees” captures it oh so well. You can read more about this image at the link below.
Taking pics, writing about them and sharing them on Broken Light Collective for the past several years with others has really helped me to process and express things in ways I just can’t always verbalize or understand until I step outside as view things in a new perspective.
So, when Broken Light Collective Founder, @Danielle Hark asked if I would be able to assist her in editing posts and planning future BLC events, I was totally blown away! Danielle has been a light to so many people, especially me! Yes Yes YES was all I could say…
Proud to announce that I’ll be the New Contributing Editor for Broken Light Collective!
I look forward to taking and sharing more pictures, writing more blogs, and helping to plan some pop-up events and FB LIVE with BLC’s commander in chief Danielle.
If you have any suggestions for things you would like BLC to do, please feel free to send Danielle and I your ideas!
Thank you for everyone’s support, especially Danielle!
If I Weren’t This Way by Jacque Stukowski If I could leave this current body of mine, I’d go back in time to the one I had when I was once a child. Oh how much life was simpler way back when!…
Photo taken by contributor Jacque who has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder and ADHD. She is a graphic designer, wife, and mother to two boys. She is learning to draw from God’s strength to get …
I believe suicide can be prevented and it starts with everyday heroes like you and me.
We are joining the community of nearly 250k people walking in hundreds of cities across the country in support of the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention’s mission to save lives and bring hope to those affected by suicide.
We’ve partnered with the Founder of Broken Light Collective Danielle Hark, to form Team Broken Light Collective!
As Captain of Team BLC we walk on September 18th with support from Danielle who has helped so many find a way through the darkness, for the members of the Broken Light Collective who have found a loving place to share their feelings through photography and for our friends and family who’s lives have been touched in some way by suicide, depression and mental illnesses. Let’s fight the Stigma, Spread Hope & Save Lives! How can you help? Make a donation to help us reach our fundraising goal. Any amount is greatly appreciated and goes to help this often silent epidemic. http://afsp.donordrive.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=donorDrive.participantDonations&participantID=1033145
All donations are 100% tax deductible and will help bring AFSP one step closer to achieving their bold goal to reduce the suicide rate 20% by 2025. You can also support us by registering to walk with our team!
Just click the “join our team” button.
Thank you for you support!
Jacque Stukowski-Team Broken Light Collective Captain Want to Help Even More? Make a Donation to Broken Light Collective!
Broken Light: A Photography Collective | We are photographers living with or affected by mental illness; supporting each other one photograph at a time.
Join our community, submit photos or make a donatation!
Photo taken by contributor Jacque who has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder and ADHD. She is a graphic designer, wife, and mother to two boys. She is learning to draw from God’s strength to get …
GOD{isms} 