Do you remember great times you’ve had with a dear friend? Each time we see that dear friend we retell the stories of those happy/silly/scary/fill-in-the-blank times we shared. Our friendships are often cemented by those shared experiences. But what about when the other person is no longer here on this earth with us? Now those memories, even the happy ones, are shaded with melancholy.

Last week I got a call from one of my son Matt’s best friends from UW-Madison. He was in Spain and had just participated in the Running of the Bulls (yikes!) He called because it was an experience that he wishes he could have shared with Matt. He knew it was something Matt would have loved doing.

These two young men enjoyed adventure. They had done an eight-month study abroad experience centered in Buenos Aires, Argentina. They studied, and they traveled all over South America together. They saw beautiful sights. They had amazing adventures. And they probably did a few things their mothers wouldn’t want to know about. (Remember, they were daring 21-year-olds.) As the friend talked to me, I could hear tears in his voice. I could hear those tears coming all the way from Spain. He said, “Matt and I did so many awesome things together, but now I have no one to remember those stories with.” That was very eye-opening to me. I never thought about how the person who is left here is the sole keeper of the memories. Yes, we can enjoy the memories on our own. But memories are best kept alive by the people who share them.

Share your stories, and share the love and appreciation you hold for your fellow memory-keepers.

I am continually surprised at how many people seem miserable with their _______.  Fill in the blank– jobs, homes, families, you name it. In most situations, we have choices. I know there are extreme situations in which people are extremely oppressed and victimized, or someone is very ill, and I don’t mean to belittle their situations. I’m talking about the rest of us. I’m talking about the people who are upset about a new procedure at work or the driver who’s following the slow-poke on the highway. (That slow-poke is probably me, by the way.) Really, is it worth it to be a crab to people? Do you really need to start yelling at the driver of the other car? Usually the only people who hear you are the unfortunate passengers in your own car. Take a breath. Is this something that will ruin your day, or is it just an inconvenience?

I have days when I want to sit on the couch, look at photo albums, and bawl my eyes out over the son I’m missing. And I do sometimes. But I have a choice. I’m going to choose to let myself cry some days. Most days, though, I’m going to choose to be a good mom to my other two sons. I’m going to choose to do my best to be the wife my husband deserves. I’m going to choose to remember and honor my son who is no longer with me. I’m going to choose to be a teacher who shows kids that I care about them. We’ve all heard the saying, “You get out of something what you put into it.” I need happiness and joy in my life, so I need to put some happiness out there. Joy doesn’t usually come knocking on my front door. I have to look for joy. I know it’s there. Sometimes I just have to look a little harder to find it. Those sad moments still blindside me sometimes. I get ticked off like anyone else when the copy machine isn’t working, but I don’t have to be a big, old crab about it. Nobody likes me when I’m crabby. NEWS FLASH: I don’t like me when I’m crabby either! I know that I am comparing extremely different circumstances, but choice is involved in each. Please choose to be good to people. And choose to be good to yourself.

I’ve been having some days lately where I’m feeling bogged down by negativity. I have to keep reminding myself of a great lesson taught by the guidance counselor to my fifth grade students more than 18 years ago. She taught them that our reaction to a situation is 90% up to us. The situation is only 10%! That means the power of my reaction is up to ME! It’s very easy to get upset, feel defeated, or place blame. With a small amount of effort, though, we can choose a loving response. Yes, choose love! It’s like that whole WWJD movement a few years back. Before I talk or act, I ask myself, “Is this loving?” Unfortunately I fail numerous times. But I’m a work in progress. I hope that today you take the chance to choose love.

Hi! I’m Lori. I have been married to my husband Bill for 26 years. Together we raised three wonderful boys: Matt, Andy, and Nathan.  I’ve been an elementary teacher for 29 years. I love my job and learn so much each day from the children and my colleagues.

I’ve experienced so many, many blessings in my life. Bill and I have also experienced the greatest heartache any parent can experience. Our son Matt died in a drowning accident one month after graduating from college. Since that horrible day, we have learned to look at what is truly important in life–love, people, and knowing that some day we will be complete in God’s love, reunited with those who have already left us. I don’t often speak about my faith; instead I try to live my faith. Words without actions are meaningless to me.

So, there you have it….grieving, teaching, and believing. I don’t have any answers for you. I just want to share my journey with you. Maybe something I say will ring true for you in your heart. Blogging is something brand new to me. Let me know what you think.