There was a bit of a hitch at the funeral 

RIP HR Giger

                         That'll do nicely.

                           try this link

How Odd

Hey, it's 9/11/13, that doesn't happen very often.

12.12.12.12.12

And there you go, the last one for quite a while, well until the next one, that is.

A Great man goes to heaven

1949 - 2011

A Deep fried what...?

French have a hissy fit, sorry le fit hissy

The head of the Bank of France Christian Noyer suggested that Britain's AAA rating should be downgraded first because it wasn't fair, it's not fair, it's not fair as quoted in Le Telegramme de Brest, nuff said. The blogger Tyler Durden at Zerohedge took great exception to this squeaming from

"members of the ECB who are apparently so blinded with chauvinistic rage that they have forgotten the most elementary things about modern corporate finance. Or perhaps, far morely likely, they never really knew it...

Which, incidentally, explains why we are all about to enter the latest and greatest global cataclysm (to borrow a word from Alain Juppe)."

bleurgggh!

enough is enough

Surely this must be one of the strongest reasons for an independent press commission, the final declaration from Jim Watson giving evidence at the Levenson enquiry

"Given the inquiry into press standards and ethics ... we strongly feel that the PCC is paid for by the newspapers that published false misleading articles about our dear murdered daughter Diane. Sadly the malicious falsehoods were too much for our son Alan, who died with these articles in his hand. We feel that the PCC should be replaced by a completely independent body or tribunal who should go over the complaints in person."

There you go

"All they're bothered about is making money.

You can't build an economy on that."

Radio 5 phoner in.

Awesome Alliteration

it looks like four or five floors up;

but still wearing protective glasses

i don't think kate had glasses in Tiannamen square

Deadline for Olympics tickets ends

ranking alongside such headlines as

Monday Over With

found in the Grauniad

Sleeping air traffic controller suspended

@

A Sad Day

What a glum prospect, enough to wipe the smile off any insufferable happy gormless idiot's face; the launching of a mass movement happiness initiative. Now, come on, sit up there, look on the bright side, thing's aren't so bad, perhaps whistle a happy tune.

Or just think insufferable meddling cunts, glower at them and then just tell them to fuck off. To almost quote Uncle Mort, every man's life should an oasis of despair.

Like stopping you smoking they ain't bothered about your health, they don't want to spend money on health care, they don't want to lose productivity in UK PLC. It all comes down to money.

So they want you happy to keep on producing, and buying, while they cut away to give money to their banker mates. A lot of people think those bankers are going to be as cheery as fuck. but strangely, knowing people who work with the perma-tanned slappers and the chinless wonders, they aren't ever going to be happy. Money never makes you happy.

However, having money taken away because of these stupid fuckers and their hubris that'll make you unhappy.

So assume a scowl and tell these nudging little cunts to fuck off and enjoy that glow of true happiness.

Not Again

A Picture of Despair

Las Vegas, the get-rich quick capital of America, is its capital of despair. Each of those red dots isn't a $1,000 chip but a dwelling that has been foreclosed. So, as the bankers and their associated cronies squeal in delight at their bonuses, these people are paying the price. Granted, some may have lost their houses through a feckless lifestyle, but many of these people have lost their houses as the direct result of lax mortgage regulations or deliberate misselling. That stoked the the bizarre rating systems that allowed toxic mortgages to be passed through some sort purgatorial cleansing and to become AAA, praise the lord. Rolling on-and-on until finally the house of cards collapsed hitting at the real economy of shops and factories; no job, no house.

The satellite map can be found @ and a break down @

Let's Be Having You

That stock phrase from your local bobby, clad in stab vest, carrying mace and taser, is taking on a whole new meaning, now that they can't keep their truncheons in their trousers. Let's hope Alan Johnson's security officer was indeed using close and personal protection.

Chinese Stealth Fighter on View

Ooooh Look

Snake Bites Poisonous Reptile

Ex MP Lembite Opik was today bitten by a snake on the "reality" show I'm An Attention-seeking Old Has Been Get Me Out Of Here When The Money's Right.

The snake is recovering.

Fangs for the Memory

So Ingrid Pitt has shuffled off the mortal coil...

or has she?

That UK French Alliance

Hurricane Blows Away

Because He's Worth It

Take Your Pick

Ah the heady world of journalism:

"Failed at becoming a journalist? No one fails at being a journalist! Have you seen who gets in on this gig? Children, freaks, idiots, perjurers, wenchers, preternatural fornicators, slaves to the opium pipe. Tony Parsons. Shoot a baboon, get into fist-fights at the press awards, make up stories wholesale — no one cares."

Caitlin Moran
Times

The Hound of God

Diego Maradona, the cheating Argentinian footballer, loses out to the hound of god

@

Cameron Hell

Boasting

Foot Off To Set Up Angel's Collective

One of the best in the party and maybe the second is more accurate.

Liverpool, Who Are They ?

XACTLY!

@

Over My Dead Body

So Stephen Toulmin, the philosopher and founding father of argumentation theory has stormed off the mortal coil. I see he is survived by his fourth wife; so he did like a bit of a barney then.

Some Good News at Last

Amongst all the paranoia about bombers with pants of terror, and the machinations of Iran, there is some good news at last. That smug git, Ben Southall, who landed the world's best job on that island in Australia, which would would be a big draw back, has been stung by a deadly jellyfish.
He's still alive, so not that deadly.
But, still, well done that jellyfish, surely some sort of New Year's honour?

Irony

Who says homophobic bigots don't have a sense of irony. The Northern Ireland MP Iris Robinson, who earlier had said that she believed homosexuality was an abomination and made her feel sick, is to retire due to ill health.

Adieu Sweet SBS

So, farewell the South Bank Show and Melvyn Bragg. Another victim of the crassness of today's television.

But it went out with more of a whimper than a bang. It preferred to go back to the old lovey-strewn haunts of the aRSC. So many good shows, but why return to the precious lovies, and their preening and posturing? But, I suppose it is still a whole lot better than the preening and posturing of talentless non entities and the puffed up celebrities of much of today's television.

And like some of the best works that the RSC has put on, there will be much going over of the texts of whether Melvyn voluntarily retired, or retired after ITV axed the show.

So for the last time I will pinch my nostrils together and adenoidally say goodbye.

Terry Has Left the Building

So farewell then, Terry, we'll miss you and your laid back charm, and soft eccentricity. And now to Chris Evans....back to radio 4 or 5 I think, but then that's what the beeb want, isn't it? I've enjoyed listening to Terry in the office. I remember him on the radio when I was a kid, getting ready to go to school, the floral dance and some sort of get fit with wogan, "Go on Madam, another little sit up and you can have that sausage roll." As some mum said the other week, emailing the show, "I had to endure Wogan on the radio when I was a kid; so I inflict you on the kids now."

Auschwitz Sign Set Free

The apparent theft of the Auschwitz sign the other night sends chills down the spine and drives home the point that there are those out there, who at best deny the mass killings by the nazis, but at worst dream of continuing.

No Defence

That press conference summarised:

When you're wounded and left on Afghanistan's plains,

And the women come out to cut up what remains,

Jest roll to your rifle and blow out your brains

An' go to your Gawd like a soldier.

Go, go, go like a soldier,

Go, go, go like a soldier,

Go, go, go like a soldier,

So-oldier ~of~ the Queen!

Thanks to Mr Kipling who does do exceedingly good poetry.

Package for Mr Blair

Ramsay Profits Fucking Fall

Floor Eternity for Paradise

So Mrs Slocombe has shuffled off the sales floor.

"Floor Eternity for paradise, reincarnation, nothingness

and clouds with dull angels plucking a harp."

A Load of Cox

Is that right is it? Thank you Janet.

A World in Mourning

A black day indeed for the world as a great talent leaves to fly among the stars. Who can forget the ground breaking Charlie's Angels in which, amazingly, Farrah only did the first series. prior to that she starred in Logan's Run, a film about the introduction of yoof television. Later she was to add star quality to films by doing voices for such blockbusters as The Brave Little Toaster Goes To Mars, where she played Faucet, no really. But she will be best remembered for her iconic poster of the seventies with a nipple that launched millions of furtive fumblings by adolescent boys.

oh, and Wacko Jacko died of a heart attack.....or did he?

Mumbling Murray

Ah, the charisma of this gentleman of Scotland.

Come on Murray's opponent!

Purnell Makes a Career Move

Blears Sods Off

If Blears returns to the grass roots, as she so earnestly and enthusiastically has told us she is going to, then it might be difficult to see her down there. She also says she wants to return to campaigning; campaigning against Brown by the look of it. One word to sum up Blears, duplicitous.

Jacqui Resigns

Jacquie has apparently said that she'll resign

at the next cabinet reshuffle.

Sounds a bit like

"No, no I'm dumping you."

"No, no I'm dumping you, I said it first."

"I thought it first."

Off you go. Sitting there lecturing us, off on your bike.

Danny la Rue Has Cross Dressed to the Other Side

1928 - 2009

Guantanamo

Just a guess, at the moment.

Bye Bye

Off you go, you incompetent, secretive, obstructive pillock.

Martin to Head Off

A Great and Good Fucking Off

I'm beginning to see the Great and Good's plan of attack,

first there was Lord Fuck Off of Gimme Moor-and-Moor

Then Mad Martin

Then Lady of the Undead Beckett

There is No Justice Minister

Justicve Minister Shamed Malik has to stand down

while his rent in Dewsbury is examined.

When did You Stop Abusing Your Expenses?

A traditional part of the job, doorstepping somebody, this time Mr Broon's brother, I think he was basically saying, "I canna come out, I havena got me trooosers on."



And the sight of Hazel Blears with a rictus grin plastered across her stupid face as she faced reporters was beautiful to see.

To paraphrase Shakespeare,

"Cry havoc and unleash the news hounds."

And here's a man explaining why everything was above board

and he should know he's only had to resign twice over stuff.

Subs Love Onions

This blog is ostensibly about journalism, sort of, and one of the fun parts of the job is subbing puns on a good name, and the subs love onions, see the article at the Guardian.
Enough to bring tears to your eyes.

Weasel Woolas

A weasel caught in a trap.

Watch this government try to weasel their way out

of acting honorably and

don't forget they are going to leave

the Iraqi translators behind.

Broon and co putting the perfidy into Albion.

----------------------------------

A long time ago, just after the dawn of time, in fact,

I was sitting in a meeting for NOLS, as was,

looking at Phil Woolas waffle on, and

I can remember thinking,

you're a useless wanker.

Still the boy's done well for himself, though,

but he won't be hanging around long after

getting a good licking from Joanna,

which is a totally beguiling thought.

The Usual Suspects

You are all guilty until proven, for the moment, unguilty

This is a little place We found

From a Guardian photo competition

"Susanna Wickes: "I took the vaporetto to the tiny island of San Giorgio in Venice and found myself completely alone in the bell tower of the church there. I was able to enjoy a peaceful, tourist-free sunset over the beautiful city."

Brilliant, so you're not a tourist then or you hate yourself. I always find this annoying, especially when the lesbian hobbit on her travel program on radio 4 goes on about how a place was so untouristy, undiscovered and such like; so you're broadcasting a program about travel, which is tourism, and you are exhorting all your listeners go to a place because it's untouristy, so when they get there it will still be untouristy?

Travel journalism is some of the worst journalism, free trips for puffs for areas, hotels, resorts; you hardly ever see a bad report do you? I prefer John Betjeman's approach travel writing where he doesn't tell you exactly where a place is. It's just somewhere in southern Oxfordshire etc, if you really must go there then you'll have to work a bit. But people don't really want to work for a destination, they very rarely travel far from the beaten track, thank god. Without travel programs there woould be a lot fewer tourists.

Look at the word tourists; to do a tour, a preset, organized circuit, principally for fun, amusement or as a consumerist intangible diversion.

But to travel, well in the OED it kicks off with

"To torment, distress; to suffer affliction; to labour, toil; to suffer the pains of parturition; etc.: see TRAVAIL v. 1-4.
2. a. intr. To make a journey; to go from one place to another; to journey."

Travelling is full of pain or boredom sometimes of just plain toil. And note that it's the opposite of to tour; this is to go from one place to another.

I'm not sure about having a baby, but it does feel like that sometimes, though with fewer varicoase veins.

So I'm not going to tell you about all the interesting places I know.
You'll have to find them yourselves.

Don't Panic

After Albrecht Durer's Knight, Death and the Devil

HyperBollockery

As the financial thing continues on-and-on, columnists are having to dig deeper to unearth fresh similes, references and metaphors, but it seems that the strain of working so deep in the word mine, hacking away at dictionaries, quoteries and, errr that's enough of that, has begun to send some columnists mad.

Simon Jenkins, in the Grauniad, is like some jaded Roman emperor, bored with the usual sexual excesses, the orgies of metaphors and the incestous use of references but still he seeks something yet more exotic, to make his column stand up, witness the sheer baudelairesque depravity of this lede ;

"The barbarians are at the gates. Towers are falling, people are screaming, temple economists are rending their garments, gibbering with dread. And where is the prince at this time of trouble? He is walking in the garden of heavenly delight, feeding the sacred crocodiles. Here there is no credit crunch, only fountains tinkling money. While the ­citizens starve, the precious ones are fed. On them the gods will always shine."

and on it rolls....panjandrums.... Money streams down gilded rivulets into the pockets of consultants...Lord Coe, vestal virgin on this acropolis, is purring with pleasure...

But it serves its purpose to point up the babylonic excesses of the olympics.

WMD

A brilliant letter in the Indie, yes I happen to be perusing it this morning, by Robert Sather Writing Most Destructively

What Blair knew
Stuart Russell (letter, 23 April) claims that "Blair was only repeating what every world authority knew to be true" about Iraq's WMDs. Except, of course, for Robin Cook, Clare Short, Mohammed ElBaradei, the UN inspectors themselves, Kofi Annan, the heads of state of Germany, France, and Russia, Senator Barack Obama, Dr David Kelly, a million people who marched in London, 90 per cent of Spaniards, most of Africa, all Arabs, the Pope, the Dalai Lama, and Cat Stevens. But aside from them Blair was in good company, with George Bush and his personal spooks.
Robert Sather

Nowhere to Hide

The Indie has found a new hobby, Geocoaching. Shoot that sub.

Transport Photos Verboten

It's just another plod story, but deeply symptomatic of the mindset of those in plod uniforms these days but two plod insisted to two Austrian tourists that it was illegal to take photos of any transport in the UK. Are they stupid or arrogant or both?

Read the comments, what has Nulabor done to this country?

Bomb Plot is a Damp Squib

Remember that list of targets those bombers were in the north west of England were going to bomb? Yes, that list the police produced, errr big shops in Manchester, errr Old Trafford football ground, that's quite big and errr probably a shopping centre and errr a club, make that a couple of clubs.

Well I don't know where they got that list from, the seargent's mess maybe, who knows the vaguries of British policing, but those bombers, terrorists, or indeed threats to western civilization have been released with no charges.

But they've been released into the hands of the British Border Police to be deported at her majestie's pleasure because they've been involved in Islamist extremist activity. God forbid that the evidence that they were involved in extremist activity is based on them being arrested by the police in yet another bungled operation.

Matthew Norman covers this at the Indie.

Errr