The People's People

Even on the Day

There was something you couldn't quite put your finger on. Something vaguely unsettling, nothing more than the merest fleeting shadow of a raven's wing in the sunlight but there was briefly a chill.

But looking back at the photograph with hindsight we could see that the Fiat Uno was already stalking Diana. What had stirred the deep, twisted psyche of the Italian runaround? After painstaking sifting of the evidence and exacting forensic research we can determine that it all extended from a disputed parking space outside Harrods and Diana's unthinking, "I saw the space first. Now orf you go, you oiky Fiat; the Lidl's further down the road in oiksville." Long did the dismissive, braying voice burn into its malevolent mind until that perfect moment under Pont d'Alma, sensing Jean Paul was pissed as a newt, it swerved and the rest is a death cult.

The Elephant in Parliament Square

Cop Da Hat

chequers and stripes, mmmmm, not sure about that

A Change in Fashion

The new gang culture doesn't bode well for a Mod revival.

Blair's Legacy

Thatcher's Legacy

The Sarkozy Diet

Get that diet @

Hoooooooooooooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwwllllll

A Nice Country

Do you think there might be ranting from the Sexpress and Daily Hate Mail? Let's see tomorrow.

Cereal Man, Cereal Man

Cereal Man, Cereal Man

Does whatever a fatto can

Eats a bowl of cereal, any time

Puts on weight, all the time

Here comes Cereal Man.



With great big bowls of cereal comes great weight.

The Cutting Edge of Crime

Anti-Crime? So somebody campaigns for crime?
Maybe it's her on the left?

Yep, could be, she's smacked out of her head.

Mind you, she looks mean on the right, hope she ain't carrying.

Tony Wilson Leaves the Church

Streatham Shenanigans

A top photograph from the Best press Photos at the Festival Hall.

Plod Hot on the Trail

Fear Stalks the Market

Sorry, I've always wanted to use that headline. And sorry for being a little slacksadaisical in filing but there's been a bit of crashette going on in the financial markets. Nice to see the papers following it. It might be important. Pretty much as you would expect "the correction" is splashed across the Mammon Times, obligatory photo of trader head in hands.

The other papers follow suit. it must be BIG!

The Independent is in full apocalyptic mode, you just know that they have the front page ready for the arrival of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. They pass with flying colours with the "Summer Meltdown"

The Torygraph splashes it of course,

Top marks using the fear word, and the plunge word.

Despite not being a big supporter of the markets and greed in general the Grauniad follows suit.

Focusing on the peril to the common man, nice touch. Though the Grauniad says £27B has evaporated and the Torygraph says £21B.

Then the Jocksman splashes on the lost money for Scottish companies

By now other papers are starting to show their different concerns.

The Times prefers the photogenic A level studentsand their success/tragedy A levels. God bless the A levels always top marks for babes with As. And then the Crash, sorry Correction.

An A* grade for using the rout word, it may be overmarking but hey join the crowd.

Even the Sun covers it, though under the Euro millions winner

Then we start to wander among the Press Zombies;


Fisrt the least mad of the zombies, the Mirror. it's a terrible story of the missing Madeleine but these two do have a certain weirdnes about them. I can't put my finger on it but there is something definitely unsettling about them.

Now we're in complete ga-ga territory, the Dantaic hell of the world's Greatest Newspaper, yes Desmond's organ, the Diana Express

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm this front page does beg a question, why would the Portugese police tell the Express about their leads? And how many hours is it exactly? 20, 100, 500 ? And of course there's Diana and the howl of pain about half-mast flags from the half-sane.

Now the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse may be cantering through the front door of the Daily Star wielding death and destruction, heralding Armageddon, but the front page would still be about sex or Big Brother or at best both, "Chavvie Chantelle Says She'd Like to Go Riding With The Four Horsemen, Phwooooooooar. Get those jodpurs on girl." Today we have, Beckham, Posh and Chantelle (ironically a Posh copier.)

Basically it's Arse.

Cheers

Spoooky

You know when something nasty happens, world terrorism or a major disaster or Scotland winning something, and then the TV pulls a film that "would be in bad taste." Well I don't know but what with that suspected outbreak in Kent of Foot and Mouth and the Satan Bug on Channel 4 right now.

There's a Big One

This plod has a big one and strangely doesn't like being filmed by Sky. Sousveillance against surveillance. Have you ever taken a picture of a building festooned with cameras and a guard comes out and tells you not to and then you start explaining irony?

Horn

This man in Wiltshire has a big horn.

Ooooooooooooooh I Say Madam

Royal Charity Ineffective

Nice Suit Sir Philip

How much is a Sir Philip Green suit, on average? 3000 squid? Go on let's settle for that. So one of his workers toiling away in sunny, beautiful Mauritius would, if they earned top whack at 40p an hour, still 40% below local wages, would take

7,500 hours to buy Phil's suit,

as long they don't waste the money on anything trivial like food and accommodation.

that's a 104 weeks

but seeing as they're being paid very poor wages they won't be saving.

And they paid 725 squid to get the job

Shame about the sweatshop marks on your topshop clothes.

Check it out @

Grenadier Gaggedmen

Surely De-Gutted?

North-East Tonight news anchorman Kenny Toal continues to read bulletin whilst being sick in a waste-paper bin.

Higher, Faster, Wheezier

Beijing a year from now will welcome the cream of the world's athletes to compete in the 100 metres, 200, the marathon, hockey, football, british bulldogs in this pea souper, so inhalers ready Ladies and Gentlemen.

Australian Farmers in Denial - They Wish

As the great River Murray evaporates and is extracted before it reaches the sea, a lot of Australian farmers are still denying there is global warming. Unfortunately for them the magnifying glass seems to be trained on Australia and it's burning up. There are worries that there won't be enough water for the city of Adelaide. Soon, rather than being over here whining about our weather, they'll be over here whining about their weather.

Never Have So Few

As Winston Churchill might have said:

Never in the field of planning laws, have so few been reviled by so many. 83 is the number petty minded individuals in Ashtead, Surrey who objected to the siting of a hostel for injured soldiers and their families. They feared their peace and tranquility would broken by the coming and going of the soldiers and their families oh and it might lop 20% off their house prices. 20% is a fair bit, who came up with that figure it apears in the Sunday Independent, but I think fairly insignificant if whilst serving your country you have had your legs blown off or similarly injured. I do detest those people who objected. Their peace and quiet has been bought by those soldiers, the least they can do is allow them some peace and quiet and time to heal.

However, this is very NIMBY, and I don't want to blather on about not casting the first stone, but no doubt whichever part of the country the hostel were to be sited there would be objections. And those people would be equally nauseating in their defence of their property values; possibly the only values they do have.

BAE - Bloody Awful Enquiry

The gov is going to probe BAE.

It's going to probe its ethics.

It's going to focus on understanding BAE.

It's going to probe the ethics of its rivals.

It's going to focus on BAE practices.

It's not going to probe the Saudi deal.

Dick & Jude go Extra-Terrestrial

Fat People is Greedy

It' s bit difficult to stomach but Fat People is greedy. Dr Hamish Meldrum, the head of the BMA, front-paged on the Evening No Standards yesterday and in the Daily Hate Mail today, says, controversially, that Fat People are greedy. Rather than having a Hyper-Appetite Problem they just eat too much. It's an example of over medicalising problems he says.

So that means Attention Deficit Disorder is just being naughty, Dyslexia is plain stupidity, while epilepsy is attention seeking of the worst order. Which probably means that report about War being bad for you is just wrong and Post Traumatic Distress Disorder is simply cowardice and should be cured with a bullet. As for Schizophrenics they're either loons or saints hearing the voices of god.

Hackery at his desk.

War's Bad for You - Study

It's official war's bad for you.

A Local Hero

An hour before his reception at Number 10, congratulations to John Smeaton the heroic airport worker who took down one of the Glasgow Airport nutters. If you want you can pledge a pint to John @ and read the smeato site @

Well done John.

Bang Bang Bang Bang Bang Bang Bang Bang

PC Armed Plod : I saw the target, suspect jump the barrier.
QC : Jump?
PC Armed Plod : Walk through.
QC : And?
PC Armed Plod : He then ran down to the platform.
QC : Ran?
PC Armed Plod : Walked.
QC : What was he wearing?
PC Armed Plod : A puffer jacket which could have concealed a bomb.
QC : Puffer jacket?
PC Armed Plod : Denim jacket.
QC ; And then what did he do?
PC Armed Plod : He sat very aggressively on a seat. We were in fear of our lives.
QC : And then?
PC Armed Plod : We wrestled him to the ground, pinned his arms to his side and then shot him 7 times in the head and once in the arm.
QC : Why?
PC Armed Plod : We were badly briefed armed plod on an adrenaline high and we'd just watched the professionals last night and I was Body and we wanted to show off in front of the SAS.
QC : Thank you.

As Exciting as Formula One Gets

"And McClaren have been caught trying to peek at Ferrari's car design. Oh and Stepney hits back at allegations. And Stepney's coming up on the inside, he looks very keen on naming names. Oh that's a surprise Coughlan is keen on revealing all as well. And there you go Honda is in the clear. And McClaren is off the hook and Ferrari looks to be furious. But there will be no appeal. But there still seems to be a spy in the team. And it looks as if this will go to appeal. But suddenly out of nowhere the McClaren letter reignites the row. Wow incredible, how was it for you?"

Formula One; whether listening to a real race or the spy row it's still just very loud whining.

Minneapolis Bridge Collapse

Have you seen the size of the average American?

Vote Boris

Normally I wouldn't sully my fair hands with anything as low and dirty as politics but purely for comedy value we Londoners should vote Boris for Mayor. On the one hand you have a weasely creature with no sense of humour who tried to put number plates on bicycles and on the other you have Big, Bonking, Boris, with a sense of humour and who rides a bicycle. Plus you wouldn't see dull Ken put a tackle in like this on the Germans. And see the full glory @

Police Missed Robbery Clue

Someone Tell the Americans

Real time news at its finest...

Pelosi Statement on Meeting With British Foreign Minister Gordon Brown

WASHINGTON, July 30/PRNewswire-USNewswire/ -- Speaker Nancy Pelosi, House
Republican Leader John Boehner, and other House Members met in Pelosi's office
this afternoon with British Foreign Minister Gordon Brownand British Foreign
Secretary David Miliband. Yada yada ad infinitum....

From the Office of the Speaker of the House

A pint to the hack who sent that in.

A Look Away from the Gutter

Dib Dib Dib Dob Dob Dob

It's a hundred years since Baden-Powell started scouting for boys. At 8 o'clock this morning they will recreate Baden-Powell blowing a Kudu's horn.

This scout has just attained his closet badge.

He liked bees,

"They are a quite a model community for they respect their Queen and kill their unemployed. "

Sound advice there.

And remember self-abuse,

"brings with it weakness of heart and head and if persisted in idiocy and lunacy."

So if you're a self-abusing layabout, be prepared.

You Don't Say

So the Dirty Digger piles into the Wall Street Journal. Dow Jones for a long time provided the controlling family, the Bancrofts, with a happy life living off the dividends and not really doing much with the paper. You may not know the paper. Have a look on the newstands, it's the one with the dense, wordy, front page, a bit like The Times from about a 100 years ago, this dense type is occasionally broken up by engravings, yes engravings, of the people it is writing about.

Exciting stuff

"Bancroft descendant, Crawford Hill, urged fellow family members to vote for a sale last week.
He said the family had not taken an active enough role in overseeing Dow Jones and was now "paying the price for our passivity over the past 25 years". " BBC

You don't say

And the Lex column in the Financial Times agrees that the family were rank amateurs matched against an arch-dealmaker. The family had no coherent position having expended their energies arguing amongst themselves.

Their position was usually "Get Orrrff My Newspaper," like some sort of deranged Long Island farmer. Well now they can leave and fritter away their fortunes on whatever these American Aristocrats deem fit, motor cars, hot and cold running poodles, gilt inlaid, ormolu haemorrhoid cream dispensers.

At least Murdoch has said he doesn't really like the long, wordy, shall we say dull, articles in the WSJ. It'll be fun to see the Journal being shaken up and the fight with the FT.

Ooooooooooh that's Where It Is

The BBC very helpfully show where Australia is.