Carrot Love

Pinter......................Gone....................Then

1930 - 2008

What a good kicking
he gave
those two criminals
Bush and Blair

Being in a Union

The benefits of being in a union.

Pope Calls For Gay Offsetting

In a radical call, Pope Benedict has called for gay offsetting as a way to stop global warming. Those who suddenly fancy Gavin in Marketing, or find themselves on a common looking for badgers or are just reliving the old school days behind the cricket pavilion can offset all that gayness by paying somebody else who is not remotely interested in bottom sex to wear tight T-shirts, or dance to 70s disco in a K-hole trance or merely to hang around various cottages hoping to meet off duty police officers.

A Brief Encounter

In Top Gear

Here's something that made me laugh.

Though I'm a cyclist I love watching Top Gear, driven by Jeremy Clarkson, ably assisted by his co-drivers the Hamster and James May.

It's a pleasure to watch a well-engineered programme being driven at, and over many PC or just plain prissy sacred cows, it's fun watching them having man fun, doing silly things because they're, well, silly.
This programme is a highly tuned, grunting beast of a vehicle of fun.

The best bit this year, and it should get a prize, was when Jeremy Clarkson in response to a reader's letter asking why don't they test cars properly like they used to.

Was it a real letter from a Mr Needham? who cares.

Jeremy then tests the new Fiesta with a high-octane blend of sarcasm and dead-pan taking of the proverbial.

Then it changes gear and goes slightly surreal, being chased through a shopping centre by baddies in a corvette, finally being topped off by taking part in a beach assault with Royal Marine Commandos.
Enjoy for two weeks at and possibly longer at

On another level it is a joy of a ride to watch such well constructed journalism, long may your turbos be boosted lads.

a traditional journalistic touch,

a teddy bear but writ large

he's about to fire, Clarkson fingers in ears

this took ages to capture the bullet cases flying

as the marine fires from inside the carlove the touch here, the marine carefully closing the door


And he tops it off with the classic old-style topgear pose, foot on the car.

Though this program finally marked a psychological capitulation on my part. I know now Communism will never work, as they pointed out in their feature on communist cars, the Russians built a 51/2 liter v8 which only reached 98 mph, that's a sickening indictment of a political theory.

An Open Verdict on a Pair of Charlies

The jury in the Jean Charles de Menezes inquest has returned an open verdict, remember they weren't allowed to go for an unlawful killing verdict.
The two police officers who shot him dead, Charlie 12 and Charlie 2, were aptly named.
I hope the family has the strength and courage to press on with their campaign to get justice for their son who was killed by the plod in a totally incompentent operation.
The two killers and all those involved must be brought to justice.
The police in London seem to think that they shoot down people and get away with it.
Indeed, according to Cressida Dickhead this will happen again.
Thanks! If the police get away with this then it will breed further incompetence and produce more dead innocent people.
It might seem harsh on these officers but they were the sharp end of an incompetent squad and operation. What's more they have been shown to have been liars, the jury quite clearly did not believe them.

First Direct Long Distance Call 50 Years Ago

Doing an Adey

Riveting coverage of the siege in the Taj Mahal hotel in Mumbai but the BBC has been comprehensively beaten in its efforts to cover the story. This was somebody reporting for the BBC outside the security cordon by the look of it. Pretty dull stuff. And bear in mind this was being interrupted by coverage of Gordon Brown and cronies in Leeds, and other such dull fare.


While over on Sky, we're inside the cordon with Alex flat on the ground, explosions and firing in the background doing the complete Adey. Well done Alex, Sky has just won the TV News award again. Well done.

It looks like it's going to be carrying on for a bit longer. So I'm off home, order a curry, get a bucket of cobra and get into the atmosphere the thing.

Satanic Slut

At last, a posting, I've been struggling manfully with my column, co I've had little time to suck on my pencil for inspiration for abuse, sarcasm, ironic innuendo and just blatant abuse.

I think I'm back

thank you thank you my adoring public

I'm ready for my close up now.

Banking Trash

There's blood in the water today on the stock exchanges. It's quite a pleasant experience to sit here as the mayhem goes on, with various banks bobbing in the water pleading for life belts. They've fucked it for a lot of people out there, ordinary people and they're going to go down because of these bankers and their overweening greed. They'll be alright; OK, so they may not be able to avoid the top range in cars anymore but they'll muddle by in a lot better style than a lot of others out there.

And do you know what, they'll still go and get their bonuses. These are just banking trash.

There's a quiet in the office, possibly it's the eye of the storm, as we wait for the next rush in stories as the market in London takes in the FTSE 100 crashing through the 5000 level. At the moment traders and analysts are in shock.

As you can see from these photos of CNBC, they're commentators but they're gobsmacked, a little punch drunk and a bit more non-plussed.

News of the Smacks

The News of the World gets a good smacking over the Max Mosley, alleged nazi bottom- smacking orgy. Defending the right of any Englishman, or woman Stan, to pretend to be a Nazi, Margaret Thatcher, Geoff Hurst or indeed a German gaoler.

In this case I don't defend the News of the World's right ot put a camera on a prostitute to film a five-hour smacking German style orgy, is that of interest to anyone even if he does want to be Goebbels being belted for spilling his porridge, as it were. A lot of people get up to a lot of things in bedrooms, kitchens and custom-built dungeons that doesn't mean they are actually those dreams and fantasies they play out and enact.

You do have to wonder about the News of the World, what prurient little school boys they were, titering behind their hands at such naughtiness. They are supposed to have looked good and hard at the film, I'm sure they were. How could you argue that this was in the public's interest? If they'd won that would have put a policeman in every bedroom in Britain, now that's a thought.

A Gift

HOLY COW!

CHRISTIAN BAILED

AFTER

BATTING MAM

better than that though is the Evening Fascist's

Bang to Rights

Well done. I'm not normally one for the death penalty but for genocide it's different, "Come on Mr Karadice, yes, stand over there by the wall. No there won't be a trial, yes we're pretty sure about this, no you can't recite one of your poems."

Perhaps that might be seen as a bit harsh by some. Not really, why waste his time sitting around in a jail he's never going to leave and why waste our time and money on keeping him. But whatbout if he weren't guilty; that's not really an option.

His guilt is manifest and in his own words, “Do unto them now as they shall surely do to you tomorrow.”

This is taken from Anthony Loyd's article in the Times "No birdsong breaks the silence in the woods haunted by the ghosts of mass murder"

In the last days of the war I saw something in the yawning doorway of a derelict house outside Sanski Most, in western Bosnia, that 13 years later still zips through my mind untouched by time. The garden outside was an overgrown tangle of grass and a hot afternoon sun bleached the colour from the walls of the building, earlier burnt by advancing Serb troops. A sweet stench weighted the breeze. By then I had seen hundreds of bodies, most Muslim, most civilian, murdered out of combat by knife or bullet. Even so, I was unprepared for what waited in that house.

For a few moments after walking through the door I could not understand what I was looking at. The walls and ceiling appeared splattered in black, undefinable lumps, the floor was concealed by a gateau of twisted limbs and swollen torsos. It was as if an abstract charcoal sketch by Goya had come to life. Slowly, as my eyes became accustomed to the light, I could make out that there were 12 bodies. Then I saw their heads, or what was left of them. For these 12 men had been killed with a sledgehammer.

Before and since I have seen greater numbers of victims of execution. But the level of effort and involvement and hatred required to shepherd 12 men into a room, then smash in their heads with a hammer, left more of an impression than the horror of the mutilation itself and transcended the mere scale of murder.

After that a simple bullet standing against a wall seems the easiest and best solution.

A Post Scriptum:

Rather than my solution maybe it would be better to go through the whole rigmarole of a trial, to finally nail this down, to show to the world he is guilty and to bear testament to all the victims who died in this holocaust.

This thought came to me as I watched the helicopter carrying Karadice land at the prison in the Netherlands. You can try to squirm to get out ogf this but you won't.

Putting the Knife In

It's all so depressingly similar isn't it this knife crime; a photo of a decent young man who's just lost his life, smiling shyly at the camera in happier times, and then days later we'll have more pictures of this young man posing as a gangsta pretending to have guns and being a big gang type of guy.

Is there a connection?

Friends ReDivorced

Just perusing Friends Reunited as you do and somebody had posted,

"Just married my teenage heart throb; third time lucky!"

I can't help feeling that this may not quite last that long.

A State Funeral for Thatcher

Contrary to some Guardianistas and Independent readers, I'm in favour of a state funeral for Margaret Thatcher, indeed, as soon as possibly can be arranged.
Get the vile, blood-stained, free-marketing, milk-snatching, philistine bitch into the ground as quick as possible.

Good On Yer

Away With Ya

Jail Robert Mugabe, Jail Robert Mugabe

I said I'd beat the opposition.

A Bad Taste in the Mouth

That kiss, that homophobia.

And the Winner is

UnderGround Art

London Underground has a new series of posters.

Thanks to SpyBlog for flagging it up.

Too Many Irish Voters

Democracy is only worth the fig if it produces the right answer. Clearly Irish voters have boo-boobed big time. Some of those eurocrats in Brussels and Strasbourg have barely been able to lie on their expenses claims so angry they are.

Typical of the puffed up bullfrog arrogance of the eurocracy is one Monsieur Valery Marie René Giscard d'Estaing, "The Irish have the right to say 'no,'" but "a country that represents 0.7% of the European population...cannot decide for the others."

I think Valery actually prefers a much smaller electorate; just the eurocrats, let them decide what's best for you and leave it at that.

As the article says in the Irish Independent, "The Lisbon Treaty has been ratified by European politicians in 19 countries, who number perhaps 5,000, as against the 862,000 Irish voters who shot it down."

Valery's statement that "public opinion will be led to adopt, without knowing it, the proposals we dare not present to them directly," had a great deal in helping the No camp. Though he does say that it is a mistranslation. But, however badly it was translated, I think we get your meaning Valery.

Bitch Brown

That evil queen Gordon Brown condemned David Davies' resignation as a "stunt that's become a farce." Better than being a farce as a PM that is fast becoming a stunt over 42 days, I may have had trouble with my consonant keys there.

MP Has Principles - Shock Horror

David Davies threw a stun grenade into parliament as he announced his resignation over the 42-day detention bill and his intention to fight a by-election over the government's assault on civil liberties. At the moment he might have to face Kelvin Mckenzie, the ex-editor of the SUN, if nuLabor refuse to fight the by-election.
David Davies is obviously a deeply principled and couragous man. This won't be just a a by-election, it will reverberate around the country. Especially if the Lords roast the bill as they have threatened to do. Though now I have the unsavoury image of the lords roasting something in the chamber, I may have to go to lie down.

Eamon Holmes, Golf Fascist

I know Eamon Holmes as a presenter is supposed to present the reverse argument to challenge his interviewees but this morning talking to an ecologist/green chap about Donald Trump's attempt to turn "an unparalleled dune system" on the Aberdonian coast into a golf course and leisure complex eamon began to get a little strident and I think began to show that he was a golf fascist. there are ways of asking challenging questions but this is not one,

"are those birds really worth more than a magnificent facility and all the prestige...."

The concept of putting a price on life in comparison with a building project is so gradgrindingly reductionist.

A golf course in relation to wild countryside is like porn to real fucking. It may look good, the greens may be shaved and there are lots of holes but it isn't the real thing. It's a simulcrum of the real thing and fairly lifeless and shallow.

Hey, don't get me wrong, porn's great but it isn't the real thing.

A Man, A Jam of Tarts and Swastikas

Well done the F1 committee for voting against deposing Max Mosley. Surely it's a sad day when a man can't hire a small jam of tarts to dress up and pretend to be nazis and whip his bottom in the privacy of his own dungeon.

An Arse Triumphs

Proof that eventually every arse has its day. Johann Arsi in the Independent has eventually after much fumbling, whining and angst written a half-decent column.

Top tip, any mention of Casablanca gives you 10 points every time.

Retune That Sub

Polygamy Sect Kids Retuned To Parents

A scarey thought, maybe it's true, check out SkyNews.

Happy 50th Paddington

Paddington looks like he's enjoying a nice cream bun

for his birthday.

The New Dior Perfume