Star Ford

Essays on lots of things since 1989.

That space between friends

Our friendship was so private. The pizza had a dusting of garlic on its delicately crunchy oiled crust, thrown on two paper plates. “I could orgasm over this” she said as she became one with it. Indeed the spirit rose to the warm cheese and lit up a glow holding us, outside of which the rest of the world receeded in mediocrity. That was at 34th and Walnut on December 21, a day I’ve written about before because we were outside in this shortest day from sunup to sundown and it was the last whole day we had together. She returned home on the screeching green line to her undifferentiated row house to take care of her brother and I returned the opposite way on a train, and then a walk through our white neighborhood in the cold to the glowing windows of my house. I wrote about her a few times and always I feel I’m betraying the secret that was our ways, never able to satisfactorily explain her but always wanting to say more and relieve me of keeping it to myself; there are no public words to describe something so unique between two friends, and no specific secret, just a dialect and way of being that was ours.

I may have been seen as her silent keeper. When a boy in our class became relentless and had his way with her, he later apologized to me and not to her. I had nothing to say to him. When I had something to say to her, it was most important that no one else heard, so it would be quick and whispery. Like her usually-absent mom, her survival choices were terrible, destructive and mysterious, and she made those choices all in a predestined way as if she had no choice, saying “I have to”.

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How to do very big projects

In my quest to figure out how to make groups of people achieve something big (companies, government, or anything), this diagram packs in many of the main points. There are two versions shown so you can see how it applies to projects of different kinds.

Here’s one for engineering projects:

The general idea is that you step through the project left to right, and the flow over time goes in the triangle shape through each of the milestones, shown as green dots. It starts as a generic or broad thing (A), then goes down through planning milestones (B, C) at increasing levels of granularity, then goes to the back room or the construction site where the project is implemented (X), then comes back up at decreasing levels of granularity (3, 2, 1) for review and approval milestones. The granularity can also be called depth of scope.

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Projection of positives

One way children learn is acting out surface words and gestures of what the parents do: “look at me, I’m driving!” says the toddler who turns a purple steering wheel and flips levers at random. Adults generally will confirm he actually is driving, even though if he were, the gearbox would be shredded and the car would be upside down in a ditch, but the need for it to be real is a real need. In a healthy progression, the preschool wood kitchen setup becomes the ez-bake oven and then a real oven, and the purple car becomes a go cart and then a real car.

But in the world of politics they are still playing “look at me, I’m driving!” – that is, using the words of the other side (the adults) but not connecting to the gearbox. I first noticed this with “My body, my choice” which used to be about abortion – a private matter, and changed to be used about mask mandates – a public matter. The people who claimed that phrase for masks were so clearly grabbing words from the social ether that seemed to be well supported, and using them for a non-parallel case. With abortion, the words summarize a true justification, and they apply not only to abortion access but to women’s bodies in general. When co-opted for masks, it is transparent how they don’t believe those words in general, but are happy to confuse people with them to support policies that allow people to infect other people. “Your body, my choice” would have been a more accurate slogan.

Here are other things actually said by the toddler king or the jesters of his court recently (with a parenthetical note about what the words meant originally to adults and what they have been applied to now):

  • “Taking a long term perspective” (was about getting through a short hard time for a reward later; now about justifying a hard time for some for an immediate reward for others)
  • “Hiring based on merit, not based on the color of the skin” (was a justification for expanding the eligible applicant pool; now a justification for shrinking it)
  • “Antisemitism” (was referring to bias against a religion and culture; now refers to protests against war)
  • “Accountability” (used to imply “to Congress” or “to the public”; now implies “to the king”)
  • “Our country” (perhaps always indicated white supremacy?)

There are new phrases daily now – just listen any time someone says we are doing ___ because ___… whether it is “efficiency”, “respecting women”, “the working class” etc, it is nearly always lifted from how liberals talk, but separated from the original substance and applied as surface words over some opposite or malicious deed that has a mere hair of similarity to the source. Their need for it to be real is real, just like “look at me, I’m driving!”, yet they never got to the ez-bake phase of development.

Normally when we talk about projection, it takes the form of a negative accusation of the other side. A Republican’s loudest accusation is often a public admission of guilt, such as blaming Democrats for running a sex trafficking operation, when the main people found to actually be doing that are Republicans. This is most famously about taboo subjects, but mundane things are the subjects of daily accusations: “they tanked the economy”, or “they weaponized the Justice Department” is an admission of doing those things.

This projection of positives is the reverse: instead of the bad thing being projected to the enemy, it’s the enemy’s good thing being projected onto oneself. For some reason we are still pretending to use a language where words mean things, and because the public seems to tricked by that every time, they keep doing it.

Perhaps the root reason why they so rarely invent their own words to describe their new concepts, and usually recycle liberals’ words, is because they feel guilt about what they are doing? In 1984, the terms in Newspeak were invented by the regime, but that is not parallel to what is happening now, when there are few new words, but the old ones can mean the opposite of their old meanings.

They have come up with some terms for dubious legal “theories” like the unitary executive, Christian nationalism, and most of what is in Project 2025. The Christian nationalism term is interesting because it falls on an edge between (1) those who understand it as an unpopular phrase and thus deny they are that thing, when they are covertly working for that outcome, and (2) those who understand it as a popular phrase and thus say it publicly. The disagreement among Republican leaders seems to be only over how much to lie about it, rather than about the substance.

There is a genre of political video content where the creator deduces what the other side believes, because (1) the words the other side uses publicly, when parsed, do not yield any comprehension of their beliefs, and (2) the video creator has never met someone on the other side who can explain it. So they are left with deductions from a corpus of observed behavior, like how someone watching birds for long enough will deduce reasons for their behavior without access to a direct explanation from the birds. This genre is on both sides.

A three-line conversation online with a conservative youtuber went like this:

  • Her video message: Democrats will never cheer for anything good that T**** does because all they want is to split the country. My prime example proving this is that he honored a child who had cancer, and Democrats didn’t even clap for that.
  • My comment: I think the reasons Democrats didn’t clap is because T**** has cut funding for all cancer research so it seems strange to “honor” the child while taking actions that could kill him.
  • Her comeback: Maybe so, but even if T**** found a cure for cancer, they still would say that was bad.

Her comeback boils down to “I concede that there is no evidence in this real world to support my point, but in this hypothetical other world, my point still stands.” The “point” was the projected accusation that the left is divisive. She went to the trouble to make a video saying that the other side is universally and permanently bad, which is the very definition of being “divisive”, but the message given in the video is that Democrats are the ones being divisive.

The three-line conversation illustrates in a dense fashion how the only objectivity is that some language and gestures can indicate good things (honoring a cancer victim, being united) and other language and gestures can indicate a bad thing (being divisive, disrespecting women). We cling hopelessly to the shared culture of which words describe good and bad things, but that’s the only shared agreement. With regard to the actions that those words are pasted onto, we seem to lack an agreement on whether they happened at all. This may explain why the public falls for lies over and over: we humans need unity and shared understanding, so if we can only find it in language abstractions, we will cling to it at that level.

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Predictions 2025

Is predicting useful?

I’m writing this on the first week when the US regime has refused to obey court orders, aka. the constitutional crisis, so my mind goes into predictive modeling mode. I tend to accept facts quickly and then am ready for the next step. The hardest fact to accept was after my divorce, I wasn’t going to have my child full time. I took a walk and went through all the feelings and then I was done accepting it. Today’s fact is we no longer live in a semi-democracy; this is easier to accept knowing that billions of other people also don’t live in one, and some of them are doing ok. It’s even more palatable if you think in terms of the democracy score (where North Korea is zero and Iceland is 100), we just went from 75 to 50 or so, considering we were not that great before and that state and local governments are still intact.

As I learned from transportation modeling, we can guess future behavior only in a comparative manner; what actually will happen is so difficult to predict that it is not useful. In the case of transport, you can set up a model that says, say, investing 10B in system A results in a 2% reduction in greenhouse gas emissions, while investing the same amount in system B results in a 7% reduction. All we know from that analysis is that system B is significantly better than A, but the 7% figure is not a real number. If we look back at predictive studies in transport compared to what happened in reality, they are generally completely wrong because of the caveat “all other things being equal”, which means the study only compared two alternatives and made assumptions about everything else being static. All other things are actually dynamic, and planning efforts seem to often get this wrong; it’s a persistent mental trap that plagues any discussion of the future.

In the most general sense, when making predictions that inform policy choices, we have the known starting point and several diverging lines on the graph, which often will diverge so fast and be based on so many variables that even the near future is impossible to predict. It’s tempting then to scrap this whole method of thinking, but the comparative aspect is still valuable: if the regime does action A versus action B (all other things being assumed to be static), the results can be predicted comparatively, not quantitatively.

We can ask the likelihood of choices many actors will make in response to the actions of the regime and get a collection of comparative predictions. I’ve often been wrong about behavioral predictions because I underestimate the needs of the majority of people to (1) win, regardless of the prize, and (2) adopt the same beliefs as the side that appears to be winning, regardless of the content of the belief system. My mistake was to assume people do most things for money, power, love, or principles, but I now think they do most things because of a subconscious social current in the absence of an independent thought.

Beyond the fairly obvious prediction that many people will suffer and die from the damage done in the first few weeks of the regime, I want to look at the choices to be made and the opportunities for better outcomes, and how the confluence of factors (mainly technology, inequality, and the cult) might affect what choices are made.

Communications

In the olden days of media (that is, prior to the current post-truth era), there was not a critical distinction between reporting on what powerful people said and what they did, because while people have always lied about their motives and plans, they could not get away with lies about reality as much as now. In post-truth, media continues to report on what powerful people say, as if it has value, despite it having so little bearing on what actually happens. In its worst form, it sanewashes non-syntactic ramblings into a policy position, applying paint to a sheet of air.

If journalism were up to me, I would (1) report on what happened with money, policy, and non-negotiable facts like someone’s death, (2) calculate who benefits from what happened, (3) predict the outcome of the event or policy, and (4) derive the reasons for the action based on all this. I would not report on what powerful people say at all, outside of what can be verified. The Week and The Economist are pretty good at this, but most outlets are not. For example, (1) the king fired many Independent Investigators. (2) Those who intend to defraud the government will benefit. (3) A higher level of waste and fraud can be expected. (4) The action was possibly done to clear the way for the expected crime spree. There is no need to “balance” this with what the king says about it, which is naturally a diversion or the opposite of the actual news.

By contrast, most of the news starts with what the powerful person said their reasons were for doing something, then maybe balances it with other perspectives. Headlines like “In a cost savings strategy, T**** did X, Y, Z… But will it work?” are brain-muddling because they pre-suppose stated intention as fact. Because news is so stuck in this way, the regime’s strategy to “say stuff” is working very well. The media (and public in general?) seem to doubt that this is even a coup at all because they are looking at things from a word perspective, with a belief framework that the words play into, then looking at actions afterwards, and sometimes even thinking the worst actions are “mistakes” because those actions are not rational strategies to complete the stated goals. Example: “Downsizing accidentally includes nuclear safety personnel”. Maybe the journalist who wrote that didn’t know the reason why such a dangerous move was made, and I don’t either, but that lack of understanding is no reason to sanewash the story by adding unverifiable claims to make it make sense.

So my first prediction is about journalism and media, the distribution of belief systems, and what comes after post-truth. Given the rise of podcast-format sources like Meidas Touch (which has more views than some network news, even though it is only a few years old), it is safe to predict a continued exponential decline in the old media, which cannot seem to adapt to post-truth. Without actual journalism on the ground, the living-room podcasters will have fewer sources to draw from and may tend towards post-truth themselves. Another trend is that the cost of a 24-hour AI-directed stream of your own personal echo chamber is declining to the point where that can make more money from inducing product purchases than it costs, so it seems more likely that media sources will hyper-schism to the point where there are unique sources for each consumer. Tech empires will create platforms allowing anyone to buy the attention of others in a market, but without having to create the content at all. The era to follow post-truth needs a separate name so let it be the jello-brain era. If many people choose the jello path, they will be a monolithic army controlled by the platform, with weapons (and voting power, if that is still a thing).

There is an argument though that post-truth has the quality of a financial bubble that might pop before too many people turn to jello. Bubble-pop cycles are closer to exponential growth, then hitting a wall and resetting. But, it could also be an S-curve, which doesn’t end in a pop. Intuitively (and I have no way to get data on this), we may be slightly past the inflection point of the post-truth adoption S-curve. Post-truth could probably reach about 80% adoption in the political sphere, but would be limited to much less than that otherwise, since you can’t do practical things like build a house on reality-defying ideology. When people are living in poverty or under the threat of a police state, they may be less inclined to post-truth; i.e. “s*** gets real.”

On the other hand, under duress, people rationalize a lot; in the extreme, incest victims may say “my parents love me”. If there is rampant and sudden poverty, servitude, and state killings, we may see a nationwide repression of it that prevents any meaningful counter-action.

I used to think things could “return” to normalcy, but ever since social media started, nothing has ever returned to stasis, and I don’t think it will; media will be completely different forever, and blocs will be defined along different lines than they traditionally were. People will always seek to know things, but the tools we will have to determine what is even happening will be themselves AI-driven and socially validated, closer to competing mythological systems than critical thinking. For each effort to create some unbiased source, there will be a multiplicity of efforts to bias it. We may essentially give up on the collective effort to agree on what is happening, and collective choices will be made in order to feed the mythological systems, while some individuals may try to remain in reality outside the collective.

Legal truth

When a court “finds” something is true, it is a social construction of truth that is meant to closely resemble a scientific truth, but always suffers from bias or mistakes or deceit. A big way this will get worse is that no evidence can be conclusive any more in a scientific way, such as DNA evidence, fingerprints, or video footage, because all evidence can now be manufactured. Today, it is still a significant project to plant false clues that cover up a crime, but it will become more routine for people leave a trail of evidence supporting their mythology, all day every day, as a way to prevent being found out for any crime they might commit. Jurors may see evidence with their own eyes but have no way to know if it is real.

By design, courts counteract concentrated power, but they are perhaps less immune to grassroots threats. We can expect a lot worse outcomes in the future due to direct mass political action against courts and jurors. It has risen along with post-truth and will continue to rise, possibly with no return to stasis. If a jury of peers finds someone guilty but the mythological system requires them to be innocent, certain people today will invent a story such as the court being planted with actors or they were bribed, and will then threaten violence against them. I think we might see the justifying story be omitted more in the future, and people will just go directly to violence without even pretending that they or anyone else is seeking legal truth.

Is there some future in which courts find a point between being the body that settles matters by a jury, and being sham displays of authoritarian power? Assuming there is no way to legally verify anything in the future due to a limitless supply of evidence of all possible things having happened, perhaps the courts will end up just finding compromises between opposing myths.

Limit of inequality

While we are on dystopian predictions, I often wonder how far inequality can go before some other force prevents it from going further. Kings who starved their subjects to death had no subjects, and were therefore no longer kings; therefore absolute power needs some calculated freedoms granted to maintain itself; therefore there is a limit to inequality. Of course we have had systematic slavery, Nazis and other instances of extreme power concentration, and I don’t see anything that is preventing that from happening at a global scale now, especially when tech-driven, so you don’t even need weapons now to do it. And it is completely unclear to me how long those steps will take. Hitler normalized genocide in a matter of months, but it’s taken decades to normalize oligarchy in the US. (I’m calling oligarchy “normalized” now because hardly anyone is calling for wealth limits; some people seem to think we can have unlimited wealth but simultaneously restrain those people from excessive power!)

Power psychology appears to be circular in the sense that the actions of the powerful are motivated by preserving their position, with no further goal – it’s not in the service of anything else. In the extreme, regicide is the only path away from the position. To preserve it, one has to keep everyone else in one of several categories: (1) co-oligarchs with whom one has a system of threats against to maintain parity, (2) loyalists with compartmentalized power, (3) machine-controlled idle subjects, (4) people who won’t do anything disruptive because they are “nice”, (5) exhausted workers, (6) prisoners, and (7) false insurgents, as in 1984. While we have no experience with machine-controlled humans on large scale yet, it’s sure to take a chunk of the population, who will have no jobs other than being ideological soldiers. It looks like the trend is that increasing numbers of people are neatly in one of these depowered categories. Unlike American slavery, it is not necessary that everyone works hard; overworking is one means to keep them from questioning authority, but personalized AI-streams and implants are other ways. Keeping everyone overly comfortable and slightly sick is another way. Since everyone claims to be a free thinker, it seems impossible to figure out how many people are actually captured in these categories today.

Opportunities

#1. Learning that there is no dragon. Here is an observation about the January 6th insurrection. It must have felt so heroic for the people involved to beat back the authorities, break through windows, and gain entrance to the halls of power! In myth, you first repel the outer guards, then in level 2, you fight ogres, then so on until level 10 when you slay the dragon. But in the anticlimactic reality, the halls of power are only the halls of a democratically run institution, pretty quiet with some nice wood trim. There is no lair, nothing else to breach because we were here all along. I’ve heard people say “I shouldn’t have to pay for that; the government should pay!” which exposes a belief that the dragon’s lair exists, that it is something other than us. I wasn’t alive when Jefferson was writing, but it seems people are actively miseducated about democracy more than ever. I feel like this turning point is an opportunity for many more people to re-experience the anticlimax of January 6th. As the mythical dragon is dismembered, people will feel their own local institutions being severed, and will understand the dragon is just us. As they stab at it, they will feel themselves being poked. This could ignite a resurgence of understanding and demanding democracy (because of the learning from the failure of self-poking), and it could depower the cult.

#2. Resilience. Likewise, as programs are slashed, the fragility of having so much complexity in the economy will be exposed, and it could result in a better realignment of that complexity. This is about the fragile gigantic machine that encompasses the financial system, airlines, shipping, and so on. It depends on so many components in a cross-dependent way, that a stoppage at one chip factory, or GPS failing, or some other single event could cascade to so much damage. There have been many people studying the problem and slowly applying improvements, but the public will to focus on it and comprehensively make it resilient has been lacking. Maybe now we will collectively see that problem for what it is.

#3. Rebuilding with efficiency. On a similar note, there is fraud and waste in government, but I have a different take on it than the spins from right and left on that topic that are in the news. The right-spin is that a giant percent of expenses are going to completely off-the-wall things like environmental justice monitoring in Bolivia. They call anything “crazy” that they haven’t heard of, and make the mistake of looking at the one crazy-sounding expense in isolation, not looking at comprehensive budgets, and not realizing the world is a big place where millions of things can happen at once. As of this writing, DOGE has only “exposed” “waste” by listing things that sound crazy to some people, but are actually Congressionally mandated spending, the result of debating priorities. The left-spin is that everything was fine, or maybe that there is always a little waste and fraud that can’t be helped and that’s why we have audits. But I think it runs much deeper than that and is baked into processes, and this turning point is an opportunity to correct. For example, in transport, billions are routinely spent in ways that don’t solve problems, but we could have a more outcome-informed process for budgeting those projects. In health, we have laws supporting a system that is not a transparent market, but we could have consumer-protection laws that enforce a transparent market, which could save billions, even trillions.

Waste and complexity can be looked at more generally as the self-justifying aspect of large systems. Part of their complexity is devoted to justifying the complexity, so they can’t get leaner. It’s like if you have a leaky old house that has failing systems and you keep having to spot-fix things, preventing you from saving money, and the fixes keep being layered on. But then one day it burns down and the insurance money pays for a better house that has none of the problems. The burn and rebuild strategy is being talked about, but really what’s happening is just the burn part; the rebuild will be a necessity if we regain democratic control, and it could be an opportunity to build better at that point.

#4 Going local. Another opportunity is to rebuild at a lower level of government. In particular for the Department of Education, the ax appears to be aimed at the funding of student loans, equalizing grants, and perhaps at publicly funded education in general. Or it may be aimed more at the anti-racism effect of the work of the department in general. So far, it is hard to tell because if we ignore what powerful people say (which is not news, nor is it predictive), we only have a few actions to base understanding on, which don’t reveal the intent well. In any case, the rebuild strategy could be at a more local level. In some places that could yield rampant white supremacy and ineffective education, but it might be an opportunity to do much better in other places.

As an aside, federalism turned out to be a blessing in the case of this coup, because taking the federal government does not automatically include all the other governments; the coup has to be repeated many times to be universally successful.

#5. Fighting for real things. What happens with the fringe left – the people who compete for oppression points and self-trigger and make it your fault? I predicted that the transgender movement would cause the last election to swing right, which turned out to be a main reason given in polls for voting Republican. While the 60s activists were fighting for more clearly-defined rights, the current fringe seems to act (unwittingly?) as a tool to drive people to support the opposite extreme, and by that reasoning, they are the false insurgents from 1984. The opportunity now is to sever them from movement for equality so we can focus on the actual need for equality.

#6. Calculated disobedience. A final opportunity is disobedience – including the whole range from organized civil disobedience to chaos. The US has a culture of disorder, which makes it unlike Nazi Germany or North Korea. That aspect of US culture has not actually stemmed concentration of power and wealth so far, but perhaps it makes it take longer or limits the effectiveness of the concentrated power. I wonder why I would even pay taxes this April, knowing the auditing workforce of the IRS could be missing, and knowing who is controlling the money I would give them. If I skipped tax season, it would be just cheating, but if many people did it publicly, it could be a force. Mass public disobedience may be practiced by state and local governments, schools, and other institutions, meaning it could be both an establishmentarian and anti-establishmentarian response.

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Bulgaria

I’ve been outside of the West only a few times and each time is touching in a new way. I got to go to Bulgaria for 10 days recently with my adult child, a place that does not have the “best” art or castles or peaks, and is not a destination at all for most travelers, but perhaps due to the absence of the distraction of those kinds of well known places, my attention was tuned into more subtle things. One of those was the community-moderated temperament, best described by the refrigerator-magnet saying “don’t be too small; don’t be too big; everyone be medium”, which is about learnable temperament rather than about blind conformity. Traditional Bulgarian dance is the practice of full inclusion in physical form, and like all traditional dance, it is for everyone, and inclusion is achieved without sacrificing the ability of those with more experience to be more advanced at it. The way in, or the gatekeeping to being part of community felt so starkly different from American culture, where people seem to have to prove their worth competitively (I guess; I never figured out the formula); there, the way in is an open door, but if you choose to go in, you need to find your way to moderate yourself to the speed of the community (like how everyone getting on an escalator must go the same speed, but they haven’t had to give up their own individuality). I believe I felt a sense of discomfort among people when any one person was straying, as they feel a communal need to pull people in, strangers and everyone, even in the big city. The first person we could find with a common language to ask for help would drop everything and make sure we got what we needed, but with no pleasantries. In one place at the sea, the people in the water were clustered around a lifeguard even though there were no signs or barriers, and when I was “too far away” they beckoned me closer, making it a community job to ensure no one strays too far, in this case because the riptide was strong that day. Everyone seemed simultaneously balanced in temperament without anyone standing out, but also natural as distinctly different individuals who were not trying to conform at all, which feels like the opposite of the US in both ways.

In a hostel, someone from Austria asked what culture shock I had on my first trip out of the US, and I remembered that I had no sense of shock while in Europe in 1989 but was met with news on my first day back of a shootout between gangs of teenagers in Philadelphia, in which a school principal was killed, and the biggest aspect of the culture shock was that the report focused only on the unfortunate death of the principal, treating the shootout itself as commonplace and not really worth a news story. Leaving the US allowed me to feel more and allow myself to believe in humanity more, so it hurt to come back where the emotional walls must go up again. She and the other hostel guests then had the conversation about how extreme and dangerous the US is, the horror stories they heard about health insurance, and things like that. This time I’m having a very hard time integrating again, and I’m overwhelmed by the various levels of vandalism – how it happens not just in physical form but in interpersonally shredding relationships and trashing any kind of public space or effort. As if so many people have strayed out of the common center that the commons are no longer worth protecting. My first day back this time, a teacher who hates me but for complex reasons had to work with me on a youth club managed to get me out and trash the club altogether. When we talk about “win-win” outcomes or “win-lose” outcomes, I think of vandalism as anything that creates a “neutral-lose” outcome; at no benefit to oneself, you ruin something for the commons or for someone else. So this time it hurt a lot, I guess because while in Bulgaria I unconsciously allowed myself to believe in collaboration of the commons again and my protections had subsided. Of course the fact that she hated me in the first place is related to me being disabled, it’s not all on her, because I’m hard to understand and stand out as an easy target.

There is some call to action in all this, but I’m not sure what. Maybe allowing myself to feel hope and finding protection without shutting down all at the same time. The Quaker commons is worth protecting but maybe it’s so anti-American that it is hard to keep perspective about what it could be in its most powerful form.



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Intervention

I saw the documentary “WRADIANCE” in which the point was made that autistic females have a more relational tendency than their male counterparts and thus learn to mask and hide more at a younger age (making diagnosis harder, or different), rather than being loud and obvious as is more typical of boys. Footage of me is in the film. Seeing it made me want to relate this story.

In first grade I received an intervention because I wasn’t socializing normally. Prior to that point I thought that the mass of other children was a borg-like unity where each one had no individual value, though I respected the idea of the value of life in general. I didn’t know that other people could distinguish one of them from the other, or would notice if one of them went missing. It was like a box of toothpicks: although you could examine them and find individual differences, they were interchangeable. I wondered how they all knew the same thing at the same time, but I didn’t feel the need to be in on that scheme. I didn’t know why they would run amok at recess or make unnecessary noise, and they seemed dangerously unpredictable.

The intervention involved a few sessions, placing me with three or four normal children and some sort of nice lady social worker, to prod me through the power of suggestion to be like them. But they were dumb and I didn’t want to be like them. For example, when I was preparing peanut butter crackers for this intervention group, I finished and then licked the knife clean. The children thought that was disgusting and believed in terrifying unison that germs could somehow travel back in time on the knife to infect the already-prepared crackers. Later I read anthropological papers about cooties and other manifestations of stigma, to better understand how their hive mind worked, but at that time, they were just dumb, and I wasn’t going to fall for the intervention.

Finally the nice lady changed the strategy and told me outright that I should emulate them and play during recess. What I heard was that I would be freed from the all the uncomfortable attention happening with this intervention, on the condition that they could not detect that I was behaving differently than the borg. Finally, I had instructions!

So each recess from then on, I would make a timed route through the playground equipment, such that someone watching broadly from the sidelines would not notice me at all. In later grades I found every possible technique to be invisible, and was only ever called to the office twice until graduating from high school. (Once was because I questioned whether a substitute teacher had the required credentials, and once because I disarmed the alarm system at night for a senior prank.)

Because I was so compliant and fearful of punishment, following every rule and blending were my primary goals, and interacting with the others was only done tentatively and only where there were known escape routes.

At a camp situation when I was ten, we were told to “get with our groups” and I could not detect from the mass of toothpicks which ones were my group, so I sat in the back where I would not be noticed. But for some reason I was on a list and it was my turn for something, so they went looking for me. The attention was unbearable, but I learned they were not really that aware of me unless they happened to be checking a list. It would have been easier for me to say I didn’t hear the instruction than to say I didn’t have the capacity to follow it, but in reality I couldn’t say anything. The next day when no one was watching, I slipped into the woods and walked the six miles home, following the country roads that I had memorized on the way to camp.

Much later I would realize that (1) the camp staff felt they had failed by allowing me to escape, and (2) other children recognized each other because they were not faceblind.

If anyone is wondering why certain autistic people, mostly girls, don’t get diagnosed, I hope this partly explains it. It would have been straightforward to administer tests for faceblindness, sensitivity, and cultural assimilation, and then they would have known what disabilities I had. I saw what they did with the disabled ones though, and it was fairly easy for me to manipulate the system to prevent any such suspicion or testing. But the cost of that for me was living a life of fear and loneliness and being unaware of the depth and breadth of my disability. With failure after failure as an adult I was still trying to blend and pretend that I could accomplish things.

PS #1: I have written about this before, and memory can change things with each retelling, so I can’t be sure it’s totally accurate. I can’t find where I wrote it before.

PS #2: I found this paragraph, which I wrote in 2010, and it seems related: “One of my issues is that I often say stuff that appears to be the plain truth to me, and people have one of the following reactions: become enraged; launch an attack; become guarded and watchful; laugh uncontrollably. They’re constantly inventing some kind of complex explanation for why I do things, such as: I’m trying to gain power; I’m trying to demoralize someone or ruin their reputation; I’m drawing attention to myself; I’m planning a crime spree; and so on. I usually cannot communicate intentions well or at all.”

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On the limits of inclusion

Quaker creed

When visiting relatives, I went to a Christian church service, and it was remarkable how every activity of the service was focused on creed – a permanent and explicit list of beliefs. They talked about, chanted, explained, recited, acted out, and worshiped creed and did nothing else. Meanwhile I was able to find silence to have my own worship which comes from my practice of experiential religion, a kind of opposite orientation to a creed or doctrinal religion.

During that silence, some ways quakers may be susceptible to creed crystallized for me. These ways are in curriculum, in forms and practices, and in peace and justice work.

In my mind, quaker curricula are ideally minimal and open ended starting points, like lists of games and crafting ideas, not actual lessons. However I’ve heard frustration expressed that we don’t teach explicitly enough and so there are now more formal lessons including an attempt to make a “complete” list of what the testimonies are: simplicity, equality and so on. This attempt to pin down, or enshrine what was once living, could be (worst case) received by children as a creed, which makes the whole thing feel like the rest of society. If that is allowed to progress too far in that direction, it threatens to close off the experience of learning from within in each moment.

In the area of forms and practices, I’m talking about having a one hour meeting, the expectations around interruptions, where to sit, what to wear and so on. I have overheard and been part of interactions where a new person is asking about these forms, and is expecting clear answers. But from someone who grew up this way, it did not occur that there could be answers, so it was hard to know what to say. For example if you have a cough, should you leave the room? All I can say is that sometimes people do and sometimes they don’t. When I feel a practice is really mine, then it is mine to shape, not just to follow. To the extent that a meeting is formalized to exactly one hour with a bunch of rules, then it is less living, closer to creed and farther from experience.

In the area of peace and justice, the side-taking and slogan-based ways of political movements are very much like creed (or ideology). Worst case we can adopt a warlike stance in the fight for peace, or kick people out of a group because they don’t share our same beliefs about inclusion. Those versed in movement-building can clash with quakers like me who never adopt a loyalty to one side. Pressure to believe alike can replace actual listening.

In all cases, the wider society in which ideological loyalty is the norm exerts a pressure on the enclave of quakers, which is most noticeable when new people come in and bring the ways of a business office or a school or protest movement with them. A doctrinal religion like Christianity is honest about having a creed, while we are at risk of pretending there is no creed while acting on an unwritten one.

Othering goes both ways

I remember the moment I first doubted the inevitability of being marginalized among quakers. There was a single other disabled person in a business meeting, who talked about the deep and persistent othering and belittling she had lived with among quakers for her whole life. She made it sound like it does not have to be this way, and the light switch went on for me that it was never about me failing to be good enough, but it was about the accepted norms of leadership, centrality and marginalization as a system. I felt equal in that meeting because she was there, but I don’t normally feel that way.

An aspect of my disability, which is true for a lot of autistic people, is that I can follow social rules if I know what they are, but it is very hard to memorize them and apply abstract rules to particular situations. I’m always afraid that I will accidentally say or do something that I wasn’t aware was symbolic of criminality. There are fairly easy ones, such as the OK hand gesture that was co-opted by white nationalists. I can remember to avoid that one. But I worry some day I might be walking towards a coffee shop, for example, and find myself walking with people who are unlawfully protesting, then be arrested for being a part of a riot, and then not be able to convince them otherwise because perhaps I was dressed like them or made some other gesture that I was not aware was a cultural symbol.

That fear is grounded in the many times I’ve been assumed to be a central figure in powerful bloc, by people who oppose that bloc, and who often feel marginalized themselves. I’ve been told I’m part of a Christian church, various anti-progressive movements, and even the highway lobby.

These efforts to separate people from people are connected to loyalties to creeds – either the beliefs of the insiders or those of the outsiders. The insiders see me as out and the outsiders see me as in, I guess, because I’m so creed-resistant by nature.

Language policing can be ethnocentric

I saw a movie recently in which a Sunni leader is shown advocating to expel someone from the community because “It is against the Quran to misquote the scripture”. This is literal language policing, above board and honest. But I worry about language policing in “inclusive” communities which could be more disingenuous.

Someone I know dropped a class because the teacher could not use their pronouns correctly; to them the teacher was unacceptable. Pronouns are language, and language is culture, and there are different subcultures. People use lots of words differently within the same overall English language. We can push against culture and language, and it does sometimes change because of persistent efforts, but to say that we cannot accept someone who is rooted in a different culture and dialect is ethnocentric and intolerant. In this student’s case, maybe quitting was indicative of being intolerant, or maybe it was an act of defiance in order to push on the language.

In English until recently, pronouns reflect on the speaker’s perception, but do not rely on the preference of the person referred to. (Other languages vary!) In contrast, many people now use an intentional dialect where pronouns are self-determined. Maybe the larger language will evolve that way, or maybe it will not. If people are coming from two regions of the language, we need to be tolerant that they are just different, not label one as wrong. Both people are simply speaking in ways normal to them – it is not a matter of respect or disrespect, but a matter of language and dialect.

Of course people can say some hateful thing and then claim “it’s just how I speak”, and that is not what I’m wanting to protect. We can protect the diversity of culture and viewpoints and communicate about culture clashes without drawing a line of intolerance.

The use of self-determined pronouns has gotten such a strong foothold in quakerism that it has become, in my mind, dangerously close to creed. When you have creed, you have the grounds to expel someone from the community.

A personal example

The national group of queer quakers runs an email list that anyone can post to. Well, anyone except me. A year or more ago I was put on notice for having “oppressive opinions” and posting misinformation. I had only posted about 8 things, some of the “worst” being:

  • I said “regular women” in contrast to trans-women. Someone wrote back finding that offensive and suggested that he knew what my real agenda was.
  • I said my friend had found several trans-women that she dated to be sexually predatory and that she felt most trans-women she had met feel like men to her. I was not supposed to say that, according to one person, because it furthers a false narrative.
  • I noted there was some news reporting raising an alarm about trans-women prisoners in women’s prisons because their sexual aggression appears to far exceed that of male prisoners on average, and this puts regular women at higher risk. Supposedly that also furthers a false narrative.

So it’s all on the same topic, and the “false narrative” appears equivalent to the Sunni leader blaming someone for misquoting scripture.

I don’t say a lot, and don’t post often, and never make broad judgments, but sometimes I post an observation or fact or a thought experiment, it goes against what someone wants to be true and it threatens the group ideology. So I’m deemed to have certain opinions which are disrespectful or oppressive. Since other people deserve a space where they can be included without being triggered, I have to be excluded. (You know, because full inclusion because we respect everyone…) It’s about as grounded as making the assumption that I’m part of the highway lobby.

As a diversion I will give you the full thought experiment about women prisoners’ potential risk from trans-women. The male prison population is ten times the size of the female prison population. Women’s rate of sexual offenses is very low; men in prison are there 15-18% of the time for sexual offenses (the range is from different sources of statistics); and trans-women are there 48% for sexual offenses (from a smaller sample). That means a trans-woman is three times more likely to be in prison for a sexual offense than a man. In the language of corrections systems, trans-women as a whole tend to have the criminal profile of men, not of women. If we accept those facts, the hypothetical is what if people could be housed in the women’s prison simply by stating they identify as women. It seems to me that a sizable percent of men would opt for that if there were no downsides, particularly those who were actually sexual predators. Given that they outnumber women by ten to one, even a few percent going to women’s prisons would clearly outnumber the regular women.

I gave some short version of this on the list. I didn’t say I thought it was currently happening or what I thought should happen. In retrospect there was no reason to get carried away in a thought experiment. So I’m guilty of wasting people’s time, but I was put on notice for opinions, not for the waste of time. The fact that I didn’t include any of my opinions in the posts tells me that the real reason is not about my opinions, but is about my lack of loyalty to creed.

The transgender and pronoun-related conflicts are where so much of the current dogma is, so that’s exactly where we need to resist the pressure.

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An alternate interpretation of sovereign citizens

Background

A steady stream of videos is available for those interested in the “sovereign citizen” genre, which show interactions with police and judges as these people claim they are not in the jurisdiction of the court, and try to get out of punishment. “Sovereign citizens” are classified by the FBI as potential terrorists because, as their numbers rise, it threatens public order in general; however, they rarely are a physical danger.

The common elements of the incidents are:

  • The subject person gets training in ways to avoid being held accountable. They commit time and money towards books and seminars where they learn about a fictitious alternate system of laws and how they can opt out of being under the authority of government. This is enticing because it promises to alleviate costs, and the risks of breaking the law (even if they are not setting out to hurt anyone). It also feels empowering to believe that ones social contract is consensual, rather than authoritarian.
  • The subject is drawn further into the belief system. Initially even an educated skeptic might find that one of their concepts is plausible, like “A 1923 case ruled that the state cannot require you to state your name”. (That’s made up, but something I could potentially believe.) Then the claims get increasingly unbelievable, but circularly reinforcing like in a cult. So they get drawn in to the point of disbelieving the legitimacy of any of the actual government. The belief system ties in with a standard set of conspiracy theories about the gold standard and Federal Reserve, “globalists” and so on.
  • They are stopped by police for traffic or minor drug offenses, often something obvious like not having a license plate.
  • They refuse to comply with anything, and escalate the situation by repeatedly stating or yelling their alternate legal system that they memorized. They cannot question the cult during a stressful encounter so they double down on the alternate reality and they won’t stop talking long enough to hear anything.
  • They sometimes get taken to jail. At that point it appears from what I’ve seen that because of the long hours, days, or months in jail, the subject will eventually become practical and act compliant to regain freedom. But before that, they may have one or more encounters with the judge where they insist they are in a kangaroo court and yell wildly the whole time.

Standard interpretation

Those who narrate the videos, as well a majority of commenters, say that the subjects never were properly educated or are very stupid or gullible. In that model, the subject completely believes that they are in the right, that they are more educated than the judges, and by saying all the right things, they will weasel out of any consequences. Breaking that down, this model says that:

  • The subject has the intent to fly under the radar, to skirt any possible encounters with the law.
  • The subject is delusional about their mastery of the law, or their intellect or wisdom or other personal asset.
  • The subject believes in the idea of a social order, which is systematic and consensual; but they are misinformed about the social order that we actually have.
  • The subject may have an intolerable personality with self-importance.

To me this model of their intent and character completely fails to explain the behavior. Most of the points apply to many people to some degree, but these subjects’ behavior is not just an exaggeration of what normal people do. For example, uninformed or unintelligent people do not memorize whole bodies of fictitious legalese. People who want to fly under the radar tend to slip away quietly from situations rather than escalate.

My interpretation

Basically what I’m seeing is a BDSM ritual being played out with non-consenting fellow role-players.

Consider the number of people who record and even livestream the interactions (voyeurism). In some cases the recordings start well before any police encounter and the subject is talking about the potential of being pulled over before it happens, indicating it is being sought after.

Consider the different reactions to being caught with a fake ID. When normal people use a fake ID for entry, to buy alcohol, or anything, and then it does not work, they feel shame or disappointment because their plan was foiled. But these subjects feel emboldened, because it is just a planned step in the escalation process.

Consider the use of elaborate scripts. In BDSM rituals, scripts can be part of the foreplay and sexual gratification of it. People who do that get bored of regular sexual interaction so they use characters with drawn out scenes to capture the building energy. Imagine this being said gleefully in a bedroom: “Oh no, if you handcuffed me to this bed, then I’d have to bite you!” That same tone is used by men, whose voice goes way up in pitch, to police, saying things like “Don’t you dare drag me out of this car!” Or when drunk, they forget the act and just say “I dare you to put your hands on me!”. They will also proclaim things like “I am a man/woman in the flesh”, frequently drawing attention to the body.

Consider that the movement is growing despite the fact that their tactics have never worked (as in, no police or judge has ever ruled in favor of their alternate legal system). There are many aspects of the cult legalese that are so absurdly facile that they could only be conceived to extend the time of interaction rather than be coherently debated. Examples are constantly referring to maritime law in the middle of Kansas, or saying that their names are not in capital letters, or saying that whatever verb the police uses, they are not doing that. (“You were driving over the speed limit” / “I was not driving, I was traveling” / “Ok, the car was traveling over the speed limit” / “It’s not a car, it’s a vehicle”.) All of these are not intended to “work”; they are intended to maximize the duration of the encounter.

Finally, consider that when they are isolated in jail and cannot enact a BDSM scene any more, they stop doing the behavior. We are in fact in a police state, and the social contract is imposed, not optional. When that fact becomes inevitable, it is not fun any more.

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Micro-delivery

Micro-delivery is the delivery of anything small, like letters, small parcels, or lunch. But for the purpose of this note, I’m looking at rapid delivery items, so that would be the niche of food delivery or courier services. This is fantastically expensive and inefficient at present, as there is no economy of scale.

One of the implementations of automated transit is small or even tiny vehicles delivering a few small things on demand with no route or schedule. The car would have mailboxes of different sizes built into the outside, which can only be unlocked by the recipient who has the appropriate code or an app. The recipient still has to make their way to the closest station at the time of delivery, as it would be more complex to transfer the contents to a holding box. So you get your item directly from the car.

Since the size need not fit a person, the vehicles and tracks could be stuck to the side of buildings or go through existing tunnels. The track design load would be 1% or less of an urban rail system. It also would work with pneumatic tubes. It’s ridiculously cheap and fast. Note that it could also go on a guideway system sized for people transit.

I tried to get AI image generation to demonstrate this, but instead after several tries, it only demonstrated how stuck it is thinking inside the box:

Still I find this image interesting as a transitional thought process. We understand tracks, mail trucks and mailboxes, so those elements are what it used in this nonsensical in-the-box image. Now in your mind make these changes:

  • Make the boxes different sizes with doors that open using an app or code, rather than a key. (There would be no open bins.)
  • Make the vehicle 10-20% of its size. Removed the cab and mirrors (no driver).
  • Replace the tires balanced on tracks with a proper captive fist-sized monorail, or use glides in a pneumatic tube, or some other sensible way to guide it.
  • Build a spider-web network of these unidirectional microtracks around a city, whose terminal stations are accessible from the sidewalk or building lobbies.

Voila, one-dollar deliveries without congestion.

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On kindling a student club

I’m an advisor for a “student led” service learning club at the high school, and that’s in quotes because it’s always a question – is it really student led and what does that mean?

I came in with an educational theory, being someone who has done a lot of study and writing and practice, and the result of all that is a quiet background type of advising that is very intentionally restrained. I like them. I got to know some of them one by one, and since they are teenagers, the relationships develop over time as they develop internally. Many of them have no relationship at all with me, and some are just at that cusp of seeing me as an equal person and not just that adult in the back row. That waiting and becoming and getting in sync is part of the intentional theory and practice.

Another part of it is building a fire: adding kindling carefully to expand the nucleus of energy. A fire grows from where it already is; forced changes cause it to die. In the same way, a flower cannot be instructed in how to bloom, but it can be given stable soil and water and warmth, and then it becomes what it already knew how to become. Advising a student club is like advising a flower to bloom: you can only set guardrails and explain things in moments where there is openness to receive an idea.

I also came with a theory of democracy, knowing that in any group a core carries the weight and the periphery is less committed. That is nothing to lament; it’s how humans work. The competing political threads of idealistic equality versus centralized control find their balance here. Our president found that center. Different people are different kinds of leaders, so each leader and each core group will have its own flavor.

I also came with a sense of purpose, that we are successful if we failed at some things and learned along the way, especially if we worked through situations that forced us to expand our compassion or critical thinking. I believe the students should be doing 80% of the talking.

Some new advisors joined in with a different theory. I have some theories about why they joined and theories about their theories. It was two advisors, now six maybe? Adults take up the time talking now, and take up the space, so it no longer feels like teenagers. The youth fade away and may have become a minority. Communication channels among young children use words sparingly, sometimes not at all, and the amount of words is no indication of the richness of the connection. With teens it gets wordy and more complex, and some of the levels are engineered to bypass adult observation by being fast and subtle. (I remember this, why don’t other adults?) Anything teens create from that nucleus of the fire (from cooperation, I mean) springs from those authentic levels of communication, many of which are first-time feelings, social growth happening right as the idea comes to life. Adults can no longer do that. When the teachers sense the fire growing, it feels dangerously out of control, but they also want in.

One of the teachers said she “needs them to succeed” and therefore she had to ensure that a fundraiser was perfectly executed. If they were not going to do it correctly, then she was going to take it on and do it, or incentivize them to do it correctly with threats and grades. This is a person for whom Edison did not ever fail to create a light bulb, for whom success is repetition of an activity for no other reason than to circularly demonstrate success. With that approach, we write ourselves out of history. They talk about accountability. They take over because there is a power vacuum and some people can’t let a power vacuum be. There is a space where student leadership can grow into, where attempts that fell short should have been better planned, and so on. It takes restraint to leave that space alone.

One of the teachers implied that if she’s not there, no one will be around to pick up the pieces… of the presumed failures due to her absence. How do we learn and accept that things that we are not part of are not about us? How can we learn to see what is already happening before brushing away the existing fire in an effort to create a better one?

Our group has a flavor that comes from who the president is, where she is in life, including her limitations. For example, she gets words misaligned when under the stress of judgment or being in front of a group. So, she found over time that she can build in accommodations for that, which mitigates the way her brain is. In her case, pre-planning agendas and clear ordering helps. Other leaders will find other ways and give a very different flavor. Finding ways that work for the leader and that also keep other people drawn in is the essence of the educational value of service clubs like this. Without these kinds of experiences, she may not learn how to work with herself to balance what she needs with what the world of college and jobs actually offer. With this leadership experience, she has apparently made a bridge to those opportunities.

We, as advisors, support this by liking them, being on their side, and being restrained. Or we can crush it by judging them against arbitrary and impossible standards, and taking up all the class time telling them how inadequate they are.

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