998: The Goose is Getting Fat

“Christmas is coming, the goose is getting fat” “For shame Edward! We don’t body-shame geese!” Shrieked aunt Agnes. “But it was a tasty goose.” Said Edward. “I don’t care how tasty, juicy, scrumptious, delicious or all around delectable the goose is. In this house we will speak respectfully of all geese.” “Why don’t you try…

997: No More Wise Men

It occurs to me that there is no such thing as a Pink Panther Christmas movie. That’s sad. It’s something that the world badly needs. Jacques slammed his car into reverse and skidded onto the curb directly behind him, bouncing off a lampost before careening down the marble stairs. “Are you alright?” A concerned woman…

996: The Writer’s Ass

The other day, while writing a post for my WordPress blog I noticed a tab on the right-hand side of my screen offering “Writing Assistance.” While the offer of assistance is nice, I am sure, the truth is that I am quite used to the present state of affairs. For although I do not have…

995: Aim for The Stars

A new fashion trend is taking the country be storm. Walk down any sidewalk or city street in America and you will see all of the hip, cool kids walking around with what appears to be half of a high top sneaker on each foot. In fact, that is exactly what is happening. In a…

994: The Minute in G

Sometime in the early 18th century, around the same time as the modern piano was invented, a piece of music was composed. This piece, known as “The Minuet in G” would become a familiar favorite for millions of beginner piano students. The composership of the “Minuet in G” has largely been attributed to Johanne Sebastien…

993: The Smart Dragons

Dragons, you see, are ferocious creatures. They would as soon eat your arm as look at you, and when that was done they would be hungry for another snack, and turn around and eat your leg. You can see why the knights of long ago fought dragons, for dragons are not at all pleasant when…

992: On Reading Dostoyevsky at 5AM

“I woke up in Montana one morning.” Said Pete. “Don’t know how I got there. I was drunk one night, and the next morning I was in Montana. Spent a couple years there.” Pete was in his mid 70s. Most people in their 70s aren’t spending their retirement years as day laborers picking fruit, but…

990: Save the Date

It was Monday. Wilhelmina was opening her mail. She owed $87.13 to the power company. Roof2Love was offering a special on new roofs. Inexplicably there was a giant picture of a hamburger. She gathered the scraps of paper together, and shoved them into the waste basket. She failed to see the handwritten envelope which contained…